Storm Before The Calm
by youdontevenknowyo
Summary: What if there was another Danvers sister? One who wasn't obsessed with protecting their new sister, who couldn't figure out how to get away from trouble. Sam is back in the same chaotic way she left. Alex is stressed, Kara is excited. Sam, well, she doesn't know how she feels. Now, they only have to repair their relationships and try to move forward. Easy, right?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I have like 10 other things I should be writing/doing but last week's SG (Homecoming) really hit home with me and well, I understand why they cut to Kara at the end b/c the main arc for that episode was Mon-El learning to listen and do what Kara needed and then he was trying but Alex really deserved more development of her feelings b/c realizing your dad isn't who you thought is the absolute worst. Now, my dad didn't betray me to endanger an entire category of living beings but I did realize he wasn't the man I thought he was. And let me tell you, there aren't words to appropriately convey the feeling. It taking me years to deal with but Alex got about 30 secs of reaction? This story doesn't focus solely on Alex though. Not really. I'm more of an OC writer so we're doing that. But we are going to develop that specific 'my dad isn't my hero' realization that she has. And, I wanted to explore some other things with what would happen if there was another Danvers sister. She is kind of Alex's foil but not exactly. She isn't used to highlight Alex but more what could have happened if Alex hadn't been driven toward perfection. I'm also trying out a different POV thing. Anyways, without further ado, Meet Sam Danvers and hopefully you enjoy. Sorry for the massive pre-reading reading.**

National City was different. Cleaner in some ways but dirty dive bars were everywhere and it never mattered how crime free the city was, the best ones always felt a little seedy. The three guys in the back corner looked less than friendly, the bartender relied mostly on grunts and dirty looks to communicate; Yea, this was an easy place for her to be. Drink away some of the stress. Much needed after days of meetings and hearings and being given 'accommodations for her convenience.' Detained. She had been detained by the Army to ensure that she didn't do anything more to upset them.

Her commanding officer had given her the news. An attempt to keep it all hush-hush. Really, they were doing her a favor but it was hard to be grateful.

"Private Danvers." Lieutenant Varela started, grave and hard. Bad news then, not that Sam was expecting anything else. "You're being discharged."

"I gathered as much."

"Danvers. You are still a soldier, for however many more hours, you will address me with the respect expected of you until that time."

"Yes, sir." Sam had to stop an eyeroll. This was part of the problem. It was what definitely got her here. Her refusal to submit or back down. Stupid pride and irrational behavior. Sam could really care less if she was being honest. It was bound to happen eventually.

"You're not a half bad soldier, Danvers but I can't keep covering for you. I did what I could. You're being generally discharged." Well, that was surprising. Varela must have pulled strings, called in favors, and bribed at least three other officers. "But, you will not reenlist and your benefits will be minimal. You will sign an affidavit to prevent you from speaking about any of this."

"What? Uh, sir." She threw in hastily.

"You should've been other than honorably discharged, Danvers. They were fighting for no benefits, nothing. Regardless of your stubborn stupidity, you don't deserve that. I suggest you keep your head down and your mouth shut for once in your life. Just get this done and go."

That was her last conversation with the man and it had only been earlier that morning. It felt so long ago now. And she did what he said. Kept her head down, kept her mouth shut. Then she was in front of the base with nowhere to go. Not home. Her mother was the last person she wanted to see.

National City wasn't far. Alex and Kara were there. Not that Sam wanted to see them either, god did she not want to see anyone with the last name Danvers, but it was National City or some suburban stop the bus was going to make. National City it was then. Specifically, a shady bar in National City where she could nurse her wounds with a drink.

The door banging open and a jumble of loud, drunk voices broke the relative quiet of the bar. Snapping Sam's focus on her lack of job, place to live, and utter shit hand she'd been dealt. A group of frat-looking guys came in. Hollering at the barkeep and bumping into tables before setting up camp in the middle of the room. One of them making his way to the bar.

"Hey." He called out to get the bartender's attention. His voice condescending with an arrogant edge. It would've grated Sam's nerves on a good day and sober. Now, it had her clenching her jaw and gripping her glass to keep from saying anything.

The bartender didn't seem bothered. Stopping silently in front of the young man and waiting for his order. He rattled off different beers, turning and shouting to his friends when he forgot what they wanted. No concern for who he was disrupting. Not a care in the entire world. Sam took a long pull from her glass, draining it and motioning to the bartender for another. He stopped filling the frat boys' order to top her off.

"Hey." The boy slurred, indignant. Command seeping into his voice. It was awkward on him but he was obviously used to people doing as he wanted. "Ya know, we ordered first so I'd appreciate if you'd finish before helping others."

"Technically," Sam drawled, lifting her glass and looking at him, "I ordered first. About an hour ago."

He sneered at her. Eyeing her up and down, lingering on the duffle under her feet. "I doubt you mind waiting. It looks like you have the time to spare."

"And it looks like you could learn some manners."

The bartender interrupted their petty back and forth with his drinks. Sam kept her glare trained on him as he gathered them up and walked back to his friends. Pressing back a low growl at how many idiots were in the world, she took a drink.

Sip by sip, her grip on her temper was loosening. It wasn't the alcohol's fault. No, it was the group of obnoxious, pretty boys. The three scary gentlemen from the back had left minutes earlier, glaring at the group. The bartender was visibly annoyed but treated them well enough, let them go. They were purchasing a steady stream of drinks that he wouldn't be caught complaining about. Not with how deserted the place was earlier in the night.

"Hey, excuse me!" The original frat boy was back at the bar. Sloppy and yelling for the bartender even though he was only feet away. "Can we get another round? Maybe quicker this time?"

Sam didn't say anything. She didn't have to. Instead, she glared at him, waiting for him to notice. She was pretty sure he'd do the rest.

"Can I _help_ you?"

Here we go, Sam thought. "Yea. Like I said before, you could learn some manners instead of being an insufferable dick."

That puffed him up. His face screwing into disbelief that she would say that to him. Sam knew his type. Overly masculine and eager to prove it.

"Careful, little girl." He took a step toward her, trying to impose his height. It made her want to laugh. "Might wanna watch your mouth before it gets you in trouble."

That did make her laugh. Loud and haughty. "I'm pretty sure you'd be no trouble at all."

" _Excuse me_!?"

"Hey." The bartender interrupted. His voice as gruff as his grunting. "If you're gonna fight, you're gonna leave."

Sam looked at him, unconcerned. A smile on her face. "There's no need to fight. He's smart enough not to pick a fight he can't win." She looked back to him. "Right, big guy?"

Military experience didn't key her into what the frat boy was doing. Her years of playground brawls and hallway fights before the army did. The sloppy shift to put weight on his back foot, the too-far-cock back of his arm. Sam threw an elbow before his fist could reach her.

She felt the crack of his nose right as his fist landed. Off target and softened by her own blow, glancing off her cheek. A chorus of yells and alarm went up behind them. Sam let his blow carry her off her stool, stumbling back but on her feet and ready.

The frat boy rushed her to tackle and Sam let him, planting her feet wide and dropping her weight to stop him from moving her too much. He didn't have the size advantage like he thought he did. Maybe a few inches. She managed to throw him off and into the bar. Now, it was time to play with him. Sam had no desire to pummel him. Just work out some of that stress the old-fashioned way. The buzz she built up only helping.

"Bitch." He spit out, pushing off the bar and throwing a wild punch. Sam stepped out of its path and landed her own to his stomach. He handled it better than she thought he would. Grunting and leaning into the contact but not for long enough. Another punch hit about the same spot on her cheek. Sam hissed and stumbled back, pissed. Frat boy seemed pleased with himself, smirking at her and waving a hand toward himself. "Oh come on. Done already?"

That ticked her off even more. Enough that she missed the whoop of police sirens outside. It was Sam's turn to rush her opponent. She shoved him, following with a punch to his gut then to his face. The shout of 'NCPD, stop!' froze Sam mid-punch. Too late to deny her role, impossible with the trickle of blood she could feel on her cheek, Sam relaxed with hands held out for the cops to see. They wasted no time in cuffing her and the frat boy. His friends quick to quiet down and stay out of trouble. Her last glimpse of the bar, as she was being led out, was the bartender speaking with an officer. Gesturing at her and the frat boy, then to her seat at the bar. This wasn't going to go well for her.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: If you don't have siblings then the fighting is going to seem contradictory/redundant. If you do have siblings then you know that's what makes the fighting so frustrating, and that sometimes, you just can't help being a massive jerk. Also, I wasn't expecting this to get attention so quick. Thanks!**

The ride to the precinct was silent. The cops up front not even talking to each other. The chatter over their radio crackling through every now and then was it. Sam wanted to ask about her things but kept quiet. An answer probably wouldn't be given anyway. In her experience, cops only wanted to talk to tell you how much trouble you were in.

It wasn't late, not quite five yet but the precinct was quiet. The only noise coming from the quickly sobering frat boy. Shouting about his innocence and who his family was, that they can't do this to him today. He just got a job and they were celebrating, surely they wouldn't charge him! Sam rolled her eyes. She sat, cuffed, a few desks away from him. They'd been processed but brought out to give their side of things.

"So," the officer in the desk started. Sam had clearly been pawned off. He wasn't in uniform, street clothes so probably a detective but it wasn't clear what kind. "Sam Danvers, huh? What brings you to town?"

"Wait." Another detective jerked to a stop. She turned to the officer, "Danvers? Like Alex Danvers, Danvers?"

Sam rolled her eyes. For being arrested, for _of course_ running into someone who knew her sister. She looked at the detective, eyes bored but didn't say anything.

Maggie had glanced at the young woman sitting beside the desk at the sound of her girlfriend's last name but her attention had gone to Oakley quickly. Then to his desk at the report he was scribbling on. She quickly shook her head and looked back to who would actually be able to answer. "Oh, wow. Okay. Definitely a Danvers."

She had the same sharp jaw and bottomless eyes. A stubbornness that Maggie was well acquainted with in them. Her hair didn't have the same auburn hue that Alex's did and she seemed more contemptuous than Maggie was used to seeing from a Danvers but a Danvers nonetheless.

She waited for her question to be answered. When it wasn't, she turned back to Oakley. "What's she in for?"

"I don't even know. A bar fight, I guess. Karlsen bummed her off on me."

"How about I take her off your hands then? Cool?"

"Sure, Sawyer." He thrust the report at her before walking away. An internal sigh at how anti-work he was. Maggie looked back at the Danvers staring at her.

"I'm Detective Sawyer. Come with me." Maggie lifted her out of the chair by the elbow, releasing her once she was standing. What happened wasn't clear. Who this mystery Danvers was wasn't clear. But, Alex needed to be called and Maggie would fill out the report, reason out what really happened but she could get things cleared up if she needed to.

They stopped in one of the interrogation rooms. Maggie closed the door behind them and gestured for mystery Danvers to take a seat. Maggie unlocked the cuffs then sat opposite of her.

"Alright, so, what happened?"

"I got in a fight."

"Not even going to deny it?"

"I was mid-punch when the cops showed up." Mystery Danvers scoffed.

"And your cheek?" Maggie tipped her head toward the cut that had a bandage stirp keeping it closed. "That happen in your fight?" She nodded. "I wanna help you, kid. Really I do but you need to tell me what happened and I don't just mean that you got in a fight. I know that."

"I was at the bar, getting a drink when that guy came in acting douchey with his friends. He was rude to the bartender so I told him to learn some manners. Eventually, things got heated and I may have goaded him a little. I guess."

"You guess?"

"He said I didn't want trouble and I told him he wasn't any. Among other things."

Maggie had to stifle a laugh at that. She briefly wondered what else was said but it wasn't necessary. She had the triggering comment. "Then?"

"Then he swung at me and I defended myself."

Recording what Mystery Danvers was telling her, silence took over the room. The other woman didn't seem nervous. It was as if it were no big deal that she was in an interrogation room with a detective. Maggie flipped behind the report, to her file. A thicker-than-she-expected record looking up at her. So that was why she wasn't nervous.

"I need to make a call. It looks pretty open and close here though." Maggie glanced down at the report, motioned to it with her pen. "I'll be back in a few."

Sam watched her leave. Open and close, her ass. It never was. Especially because of her record. Cops were a lot less likely to let her off the hook when it wasn't her first offense. She had been tempted to ask the detective, Sawyer she said her name was, if she was going to call Alex but Sam didn't. She would or she wouldn't and it wouldn't help Sam either way.

Sure enough, minutes later, Alex was in the doorway with her arms crossed and less than happy to see Sam. Alex had cleaned herself up, Sam knew that. Had watched it happen but she didn't know that Alex was…doing whatever job it was the required her uniform, all black and almost military. And was that, did Alex have a gun holstered at her hip?

"Well, you're different."

"And apparently, you're not." Alex replied, quick as a whip and not backing down. Just like old times. It was almost comforting. "Does mom know you were discharged?"

"How do _you_ know I was discharged?"

"So, no then. Nice Sam. Really nice." Sam rolled her eyes. Briefly she wondered how long they had in the interrogation room before Detective Sawyer kicked them out. It was a fitting place to be reunited with Alex. "Maggie got your charges dropped. We can go."

"Maggie?"

"Detective Sawyer. She's getting your things from evidence now. Where are you staying?"

Sam could've forgotten that she was no longer military with the way Alex was talking to her. All business, all straight to the point. Strict. She almost missed Alex the Drunk. She, at least, was fun. Sam didn't answer her. Watched her speak and kept silent.

Alex's hands finally uncrossed from her chest to fly through the air before falling to her sides. "Why do you have to make things so difficult? I asked you a question, Sam. A simple one! But you're going to give me the silent treatment? God, I really thought you would have grown up a little bit by now."

It was petty. It was way more than childish but Sam didn't care. Yea, maybe she was the one who distanced herself from her family but none of them fought it. Well, Kara did but she wasn't who Sam wanted to fight for her. Alex texted her on her birthday, at Christmas. The anniversary of the day their dad left. Her mom sent cards for the first two. They didn't talk about the last one. Kara, though. She left voicemails randomly, sent texts exploding with emojis. If Sam wasn't so committed to not liking her than it would've been nice.

But not Alex. The one person she really wanted to give a damn. The little voice at the back of Sam's mind reminded her that she didn't give Alex the chance to care. Their current conversation, very one-sided, was a perfect example. She still stayed silent.

Detective Sawyer came up behind Alex then. Sam's bag in one hand. Her other going to the small of Alex's back. Her sister not shying away from the contact like Sam thought she would, like she used to.

"Everything okay?" Sawyer asked, looking at Sam before back at Alex.

"Ask her. Maybe she'll talk to you." Alex replied before turning around. Walking away. Sam tried to ignore the way it hurt. It was her doing anyway. "I'll be outside."

Maggie watched Alex go. She'd seen happy Alex, goofy Alex, frustrated Alex, scared Alex, sad Alex, and mad Alex. She's seen variations of all those emotions too. But, this was new. This was a frustrated and hurt and not willing to deal with anything Alex. Maggie watched her go until she walked out the front doors, turning back to who she knew was now the baby Danvers sister. Samantha Danvers, 22. Former soldier and delinquent.

"What was that about?"

"Keeping in line with the mantle of being the family fuck up." Sam answered easily, standing up. She stood in front of Maggie. Still hard but more civil than she had been all night. "Alex said you got me cleared. I appreciate it. The last thing I need is something new on my record."

"I'm always happy to help a Danvers sister." She handed the bag over with a smile. It faltering with the subtle firming of Sam's face. The wrong thing to say it seemed. Maggie pushed through it. She wouldn't pry. Alex would explain it all later and from her reaction over the phone, it was an interesting story from start to finish. "Come on. Better not keep an angry Alex waiting."

Sam muttered something but Maggie didn't catch it. She looked the other Danvers over. Noted that whatever buzz she came into the station with was definitely gone. She looked tired, the skin around the cut on her cheek was starting to bruise. And those eyes. That's where the exhaustion was most evident, something else too. Maggie wanted to say sadness but it didn't feel right. Her eyes were exactly like Alex's. Expressive and all-consuming and revealing.

"Can I help you, Detective, or do you have a habit of staring at your perps?"

Maggie laughed at that, a little nervously for being caught. She hadn't meant to stare. Half of her brain was still catching up to the fact that her girlfriend had a secret sister. She didn't have an excuse so she just went with the truth. "No, sorry. I'm ,uh, still getting used to there being _another_ Danvers. I've known your sisters for a while now."

That hit Sam but she didn't let it show. Kept uninterested on her face. It wasn't surprising that Alex or Kara haven't mentioned her but it still didn't feel nice to hear. "We don't talk much." She felt like she had to answer.

Alex was leaning up against a large black SUV in front of the precinct. Sam was surprised, and relieved, on the lack of motorcycle. Alex loved her bike, had for quite a while and Sam didn't care either way. A good motorcycle was a beautiful thing, a freeing experience. She just _hated_ riding on the back of one. She wanted distance from her sister at the moment too.

"Perks of the job?" She asked, throwing her duffle through the backseat door Alex opened for her.

"Oh? We're talking now?" Alex asked, unamused. Eyebrows dangerously close to being lost in her hairline. Sam really should stop badgering her. She was nearing the point of no return with her big sister. There didn't need to be a blow-out screaming match on top of her bar fight. Alex would surely explode from all the excitement.

"Alex." Maggie said quietly. Sam again wondered who the detective was to her sister. Especially since Alex listened and backed off.

"Just get in." Alex bit at her. Now opening the passenger door then stalking around the front of the car. Maggie following. Sam was able to hear their conversation as Maggie stopped Alex before she climbed in. Door still open. They spoke quietly but that didn't do anything to stop Sam from hearing.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"You're sure?"

"Yea, Maggie." Alex's voice was soft. The way she used to talk to Kara or Sam when they were scared or upset, needed reassuring. Maggie's eyes cut to Sam then back to Alex.

"You need to tell her."

"I will."

"I don't just mean the obvious either." Maggie smiled. Dimples popping like crazy and catching Sam off guard. They were obvious without her smiling but they weren't like _that_.

"Eventually. When she needs to know."

"Dangerous game to play, Danvers. Especially in our line of work. Call me later?"

"Yea." Alex eyed Sam before quickly pecking Maggie and getting into the driver's seat. Playing cool but Sam could see she was flustered. A little too stiff, a tiny furrow in her brow. Alex called it The Crinkle when Kara had it. Sam long ago worked on lack of expression to eliminate the Danvers Crinkle from her repertoire of facial expressions. One of her more childish acts of rebellion.

"Very different." Sam commented, like before. "But not that surprising and if that's what you had to tell me then the cat's out of the bag."

"It's not."

"What is it then?"

"Not now, Sam. Please?" Alex went between quick glances to Sam and focusing on the road. Pleading as best she could while driving. "Let's just get home and hang out a little without any…drama or whatever it usually is with us. Can we do that?"

It sounded great. Time with Alex? Sam had been craving that since the day Kara was dropped off at their door step by a blue and red super stork. It was too good to be true though. Sam wouldn't let herself be disillusioned by it.

"You have questions that I don't want to answer. Might as well ask them now so we can get all that _drama_ out of the way early. Make way for something new."

Alex sighed, heavy. Her hands gripping and regripping on the steering wheel. They stayed like that for a few miles. Alex deciding her next move. Sam waiting to counter it. A game of chess they'd been playing for the past fifteen or sixteen years. It was always combative between them. Mostly all Sam could remember. That, and her undying admiration of her big sister. Sam hated the latter.

"Why were you discharged?"

"Pass."

Alex scoffed but continued. "Why are you in National City."

"Nowhere else to go. Next?"

"Nowhere else to go? Sam. Midvale. Or, are you going to ignore mom forever?"

"Pass again."

"You're answering that one."

"No, I'm not. You do know what pass means right? Generally, that I'm _not_ going to answer and that we should just move on."

Sam didn't bother focusing on her sister. She could hear her reaction well enough. The huffs and scoffs, the grinding pressure on the leather of the steering wheel. Alex was still easy to read. Instead, she watched the streetlights pass over head, the lit-up storefronts.

It'd been so long since she actually spent time with Alex. Maybe two Christmases ago? She saw her last Mother's Day but Sam had left early, only staying long enough to give her mother a hug and a card. Not cause any problems. Or drama as Alex was calling it. They had some bumps to get over now and Sam was fully aware that she was making it harder but she didn't know how to stop it. The words and actions came without a second thought. Only after would she realize the obstacles she was creating for her sister who, despite her annoyance, was trying. Alex didn't ask anymore, causing Sam to sigh and answer what she already did. Somewhat.

"I don't want to talk about why I was discharged, okay? Maybe later but definitely not right now. I really am in National City because I don't have anywhere else to go." Alex tried to interrupt again but Sam cut her off. "I _can't_ go home, Al. Can you imagine mom's face when she finds out? What she'll say or do? I can't and I'd like to keep it that way. Joining the military was bad enough. I don't want her to know that I was kicked out."

"Not generally discharged then?"

"How do you _know that_?" Sam asked, hoping for an answer unlike the first time she asked.

"I have government clearance. I looked into your file when Maggie called me."

"Government clearance? How?"

"I'll explain everything later, I promise. Are you really going to ignore mom? Because, Sam, I can't keep you being here from her. I just can't. Things are finally getting better for me and her."

Sam sighed again. She knew Alex wouldn't. Really, she wouldn't have even asked it of her but she was hoping they could push it all off for a while. "I'm not ignoring her, not really."

"I think we have different definitions of ignoring."

"I'm not! I just…I need to figure out how to tell her. I really can't do the disappointed thing again. Not with this little scuffle with NCPD. Already. If you could picture mom finding out I was discharged, please try with her picking me up from the station too. Picture that shit storm, what it would look like. Please, just try."

"Not good."

"To put it lightly."

"So you're not going to talk to her, that's your solution?"

"Until I can figure something else out."

"You could just tell her. Get it out of the way and out in the open. Trust me, on that one. She's mom. She's going to find out some other way if you don't."

"I take it she outed you?"

"More like put together what I wasn't telling her."

"That's the same thing?"

"No. I wasn't hiding it exactly. I talked to her about Maggie and she put it together on her own. Said it was a mom thing to know their kids or something."

"I'm planning on _not_ talking to her. What the hell is she going to figure out if I don't give her any clues?" Sam asked as Alex put the SUV in park. Neither made to get out. Alex turning her full attention onto Sam and the younger Danvers looking around the parking garage. The last thing she needed was to crumble under what she knew was Alex's patented concerned-angry-big-sister stare down.

"If you don't tell her, I will, Sam. I'll give you a week but that's it. She's our mom. She doesn't deserve to be kept in the dark just because you're scared. Mom might be upset or disappointed, maybe even angry…"

"Really making me feel better. Great job."

Alex ignored her and continued. "But, that's gonna pass. She loves you. We _all_ do. That's why we get so frustrated when you do stupid things like get arrested for a bar fight."

"Just the bar fight? Wait until you find out what I did to get discharged." Sam joked but it fell flat, even to her ears.

"Which was why exactly?"

"Not tonight, Alex. One disappointment at a time."

"Fine but one week, Sam. Then she knows whether you do it or I do."

Still, Alex didn't make to get out. It was making Sam antsy. She didn't know where to go, this was Alex's lead. Her apartment. Her city. This was her life that Sam was imposing on. Family fuck up or not, she wouldn't abuse her situation.

Alex took a deep breath. Eyes leaving her little sister, her _baby_ sister, and focusing on the concrete wall in front of them. They'd been in the car much longer than necessary, Sam was starting to fidget but Alex needed a second. So, she traced the C4 on the wall that marked her parking spot and dragged in another breath, controlling its flow out.

Shit was going to hit the fan in about ten minutes. Alex had texted Kara to tell her about Sam. Kara's reaction, of course, was a mix of concern and excitement because despite Sam's best efforts, even though Alex knew they were just a cover, Kara cared and loved Sam as much as she did Alex. Only from the arm's distance that Sam kept her at.

Mix a surprise visit from Kara to her receding buzz, obvious exhaustion, being discharged from the army, and then arrested to get an explosive Sam. At least Alex assumed. Because that's what a stressed out Sam resulted in in the past.

Guilt hit her then. She realized that she didn't know her sister as well as she should. The guilt smacked her then sucker punched as her mind decided to add that she didn't know Sam as well as she knew Kara.

"Let's get inside." Alex suggested. The walk from the passenger side to the back, waiting for Sam to get her things, allowed Alex an extra second to get her bearings. Put up her cool, calm, and unaffected front. Be the Alex Danvers she needed to be.


	3. Chapter 3

"Nice place." Sam said, stopping just inside the door. She seemed awkward. Unsure but trying to hide it. To most, she'd come off stiff and bitchy. To Alex, though, she knew what it really was. Uncomfortable wasn't an emotion that was clear to others for either of them.

"Thanks. You can make yourself at home. You can crash here on the couch until you figure something out."

"You're sure?"

Alex stopped her tidying, a few glasses and a jacket in hand. "Of course. I'm not going to leave you stranded, Sam."

The tentative smile Sam was giving fell quickly as Kara, in all her Supergirl glory, zoomed in from the window that Alex had opened as soon as they came in.

"You're really here!" Kara said breathlessly, an excited smile the opposite of Sam's scowl. "Are you okay!? Alex told me what happened."

Kara took a few steps toward Sam. Obviously going in for a hug. Alex moved closer as well, knowing that it wasn't going to go over well. The hurt in Kara's eyes when Sam only scoffed and turned back toward the door trumped the concern she had for her little sister minutes ago. Alex hated that it did. She couldn't help herself though. Not when it was her job to protect Kara. She grabbed Sam's arm, stopping her.

"I just picked you up from a police station, you don't get to walk away and you definitely don't get to ignore her."

Sam ripped her arm out of Alex's grip. Both riling up to the impending fight. Kara trying to plicate them but neither would listen. There was something different about Sam. Alex could sense it but she couldn't figure it out. Maybe it was the way she didn't back down or her lack of snarky remark.

People often referred to her as passive-aggressive but both Alex and Kara knew better. Sam was simply aggressive. Not taking anything she didn't want to. Be it from Kara or their mom, teachers, friends, peers. It never mattered to her. But now, and lately if Alex really thought about it, that was changing. Her refusal to back down from Alex, the only person who ever had any sway after their dad left, was what finally caught Alex's attention.

Their eyes met and didn't leave. Sam staring hard. It was tense and the seconds dragged by, making their stare down seem to last for minutes. Finally Sam broke it with her voice low and even. "Looks like you're not so different after all."

"Guys…" Kara tried again but Alex ignored her. Anger and annoyance building fast.

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

Sam scoffed again. She glanced at Kara. Alex saw her soften a bit but it was gone when she looked back at Alex. Sam had always been confusing about her Kara resentment. It was why Alex had never known how to handle it, still doesn't.

"It means you're always ready to jump to Kara's defense, whether she wants it or not."

"You should too."

"Guys, stop. Come on. Let's not do this. We never get together, let's not ruin it." Kara tried again. A nervous whine in her voice. She had always hated when Alex and Sam fought. But Alex couldn't help it. Kara needed them. Their dad had specifically told her to take care of Kara. Was she just supposed to forget that? And how could Sam? Alex never understood how she didn't want to keep Kara safe.

"I should do what, Alex? Protect someone who doesn't need it? Or that I should baby her? Maybe be concerned with her and only her, no matter what."

Now they were getting into it. Another change in Sam. In the past, she'd storm out by now. She never stood and fought. Not unless there were fists to throw.

"Yea! Yes, you should. She's our _family,_ Sam or does that not mean anything to you? God, you're exactly the same! It's unbelievable really. Dad told us, _he told us_ to keep Kara safe, make sure she adjusted, and was taken care of."

"He. Told. You." Sam didn't yell but she was well past a normal speaking voice. Kara flinched and Alex blinked, her argument cut short by the display of emotion. Even the little that it was, was more than Sam ever showed. She didn't do feelings if they weren't anger, indignation, or detached. Sam's big three Kara always called them. Sometimes a sense of humor and over confidence would pop up.

But that? There were layers in her voice. Her eyes weren't the hard that meant anger. Sam was hurt. She was frustrated. She felt guilty.

But Alex didn't have time for any of it. Sam showing them more was great, really it was but if it wasn't going to affect her behavior than it was useless. She couldn't continue to treat Kara as some second-class family member. It wasn't fair. Especially when it wasn't really how she felt. Alex was so sick of Sam pretending she didn't count Kara as family. She was 22, not seven anymore. This little charade had worn out long ago.

"He never told me anything. There was no last commandment for me to follow. That was _you_ , Alex so stop trying to force it on me."

"Then stop acting like a brat."

Sam laughed, harsh and cold. "Stop acting like a bitch."

"This isn't helping anything. I think everyone just needs to take a step back then we'll try to talk this out. Okay?"

"Kara, isn't there some kitten in a tree that needs your help?"

"Are you kidding!?" Alex all but exploded. This was too much. Sam coming back out of the blue in such a chaotic way, them finally working it out. Well, finally yelling at each other. They weren't working through anything. "Don't you dare talk to her like that. Not about being Supergirl or anything else." There was no stopping what was coming next. As mad as she was, Alex didn't even think twice about it. "What have you been doing, Sam? Huh? I may not have been able to get the reason for you discharge, which, really, we all know it was as far from honorable as it could get right? But you had plenty of reports in your file. I'm surprised you made it as long as you did."

"Alex." Kara reprimanded. They all knew it was a low blow, cruel. That's why Alex went there. It's why Sam had always walked away from their arguments up until now. Alex wasn't afraid to end the argument. She argued how she fought: did whatever she needed to win.

"Maybe a step back isn't such a bad idea." Sam said. The mask back, detached again but not before Alex saw the hurt. It pressed guilt in again but Alex pushed back. Maybe that was the problem, why her and Sam were so far from what they used to be.

"Yea." Kara eyed Alex. She could only guess Kara forgot this side of her. It was rarely on display. Now the only glimpses she got where at the DEO, when it was life or death. Alex even forgot how ruthless she could be in normal life. To her family. The exact thing she was upset with Sam about. Alex dropped her head and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Let's take a breather. I'll go change then when I get back, we'll talk!"

"I'm sure you can find me with your super nose or something." Alex heard Sam reply, she didn't look up, then the door shutting too hard.

"Alex." She didn't answer Kara. " _Alex_."

"What, Kara?" She brought her eyes up. Now frustrated with herself more than Sam. She was supposed to be the big sister, the put together and sensible one. Not this. "I know, okay? I shouldn't have said any of that or yelled at her. I know."

"You guys are allowed to fight. That's not really what I was going to say but no, you shouldn't have said that. Are you okay?"

"I'll be fine. I just wasn't expecting…" she waved her hand at the door, "all of this tonight."

"We haven't seen her in a while. What was it, Mother's Day?" Alex shrugged. The tension building at her temples and above her right eye. She wanted a drink but Maggie made her promise to stop drinking as a coping mechanism. Something about it being unhealthy. They both stared at the door, where Sam just was. "I missed her."

Alex scoffed. "How?"

"Because she's our sister and I love her. Sam isn't as bad as you and mom think she is."

"Kara. She _just now_ ignored your questions to her, was going to leave because you showed up, _and_ made fun of you for being Supergirl. Twice! Which of those three says not so bad?"

"She only acts like that because it's what you expect from her."

"Kara, no." Alex sighed. This was the problem. Kara always wanted to believe the best in people. Sam had been showing her her true colors for fifteen years but Kara wouldn't believe it.

"No, you no, Alex!"

"What?"

Kara shook her head and waved away her question. "Nothing. Nevermind, it came out weird. It doesn't matter. What does matter is that Sam is not that bad. Yea, she's not always the nicest but when it's just me and her, she's not all, ya know, rude. When you left for college, we spent more time together. It wasn't all bad. I think..." Kara faltered, looking at Alex nervously. She'd say whatever it was. Their relationship was strong enough that they both would always take that plunge but Kara always had more reserves about it. She needed prompting sometimes.

"You think what?"

"I think it's you."

"Me? You think what's me?" Alex didn't like where this was going.

"You're what makes Sam act like that. Listen, I really do need to go change but we're all gonna sit down and talk about this. I want my sisters back. Like it used to be before."

Kara wasn't going to specify before when but Alex knew. Before their dad left. They had one good year all together. Sam acted out, yea but it was how any young kid would act out when their family grew. Once, Alex complained about it and their mom explained that Alex had acted the same way when Sam was born. The difference was that Sam wasn't gaining a younger sister, she wasn't getting time to adjust slowly. An older sister was thrust into her life and she was doing her best. But, it _had_ been a good year. In relative terms, Sam had been an angel then.

With Kara gone the same way she came in, Alex ignored her promise to Maggie and poured herself two fingers of bourbon. The strong stuff she kept in the back of her cabinet for just these occasions. Her first sip was tinged with guilt. A popular feeling tonight it seemed but after that it went down as smooth as a neat drink was going to.

Breaking Maggie's promise made her remember that she said she would call. She doubted there was time. Kara was sure to be on her way back as it were, super speed and all. And, Alex was sure that this discussion wasn't going to come to a close until late so she pulled her phone out to send a quick text. Check in and let her girlfriend know everything was, more or less, okay. A very concerned girlfriend it seemed as Alex had a text waiting for her.

 **-I know you said you'd call but you seemed upset early so sorry for hovering but it made me worried. Hope everything is ok. Call me later. Even if it's late.**

The words pulled a smile out. Something Maggie was good at doing. She thought briefly about how Sam hadn't batted an eye, said she wasn't surprised even, at her and Maggie. It warmed her a bit more along with the bourbon. It also pulled at Alex's heart. She hadn't experienced any of this with Sam. Hadn't even thought to. They really were so far from what they used to be.

 **-Working it out. Probably going to take most of the night. Call in the morning?**

Maggie's response was immediate. The three dots popping up before Alex could turn off her screen.

 **-We're not doing the whole bottled emotions. Remember? This has you rattled more than you want to admit so we'll talk it out, get you settled. Just call me tonight**

 **-Hell. Come over if you want. Or I can come to you. Doesn't matter**

 **-And no drinking. You promised**

The three texts came on the tail of each other. Maggie wasn't one to hover, like she said. Her texts meant she was more worried than she was willing to admit herself. Alex took another sip, typing out her short reply with one hand. Guilty or not, she already bit this bullet. No going back now. No bother lying about it either. Maggie deserved better than that.

 **-Oops**

Obviously not what Maggie wanted to hear. Alex's phone buzzed to life, Maggie's name and picture popping up on the screen. Alex took another drink knowing it would be her last then answered. She didn't get the chance at any greeting.

 _"Danvers, are you kidding me!?"_

"Um, no?"

 _"Look, I'm not trying to tell you what to do or control you or anything like that. Okay? But it's not healthy. You said yourself that you wanted to cut down."_

"I know, Mags. It's just…I don't have time to explain what it is. Kara will be back with Sam any minute and I swear to you World War Four is going to go down."

 _"World War Four?"_

"We already had three." Maggie chuckled, trying to hide it but it still came through the phone. "That's why they both left and I needed a drink but I promise, only the one."

 _"Okay. I trust you, Alex. I do but I worry."_

"I've given you good reason to."

 _"It's alright, the past is the past. Speaking of which_ ," Maggie started. Her ability to change the subject when Alex needed it was one of her favorite things about Maggie. She barely pushed and if she did, only enough. She was gentle. _"How is there a Danvers sister I don't know about?"_

Alex laughed at Maggie's tone. Playful and scandalized. "Long story. Day or night shift tomorrow?"

 _"Night again."_

"Is it okay if I bring breakfast over when you're off? We can talk before I head to work and you to bed. I mean, really, should you even been on the phone with me right now? I doubt your chief would appreciate an even longer call later."

 _"Chief doesn't care. Things are quiet; and, I'm just finishing up some paperwork. No big deal."_ Alex hummed, they both knew that Maggie was making excuses for their call. _"_ Fine _. I'm off at five. My place or yours?"_

"Not here. Sam is gonna crash with me for a while. I'd rather not set her off by talking about her with you. Things are…tense between us."

 _"_ Really _?"_ Maggie drew out, _"I couldn't tell before. What happened?"_

"We got into this screaming match and," Alex sighed. Her frustration at herself coming back. "Mags, I was so mean. Like I couldn't help it. She just…she brings out my inner jerk."

Maggie chuckled. _"I think that's what being a normal big sister is supposed to be like. I'm sure it'll be okay. Right?"_

"No, Maggie." Another sigh. "We aren't exactly normal sisters. None of us are. Ya know, adopted Kryptonian and all."

 _"Yea, I imagine that changes the dynamic a little, huh?"_

"You have no idea." Alex breathed out. There was a knock at her door then. She quirked an eyebrow. There were only two people she was expecting. One wouldn't come willingly and the other wouldn't knock. "Hang on."

Alex kept the phone pressed to her ear as she looked through the peep hole. Surprisingly, Kara was outside with Sam. Standing side by side and uncomfortable. Kara pulled at the hem of her shirt while Sam stood stiff with arms crossed, looking down the hall at nothing.

"Maggie, I gotta go."

 _"Alright, good luck. I'll see you for breakfast."_

"Bye."


	4. Chapter 4

"So," Kara spun and clapped her hands, "should we sit in the living room or in the kitchen? I was thinking living room. It's comfier."

"Living room it is." Sam answered, walking past both and collapsing on the far side of her couch, one leg folding under her. Kara sat in the middle which left the opposite side for Alex. A tactical move by Kara. Putting herself in the middle gave her more control over their fighting.

"Who wants to start?" Kara asked. Sam wanted to roll her eyes, be angry but she was tired and Alex took her knees out earlier. She was running out of fight. Something that had never been a problem in the past.

"Why don't you start?" Sam asked. "You're the only one who didn't get in on the yelling."

"I don't really have anything. This is about you and Alex."

"Bullshit." That got the eye roll she was looking for moments ago.

"Hey." Alex barked at her.

"Stop it." Kara looked at Alex then back to Sam. "Okay, maybe I do have some stuff. It's not really bad, I guess. I'm worried about you." Kara shrugged. "You get in a lot of trouble, Sam. It's not like we're kids anymore. It doesn't go away like it used to."

"What are you talking about? It never just 'went away.' _I_ did. I got sent away to military school but nothing else went away. I have a juvie record, Kara. It's all there."

"Okay, well, not the point I was trying to make. Just, well, I'm worried about you and I want to help you not get in so much trouble. I don't really know how but I do want to."

This is what made Kara so hard to dislike. Even if it was a little annoying sometimes. She always wanted to help, do the right thing. After all these years of Sam being a jerk and keeping her at a distance, Kara still wanted to help her. Sam didn't have anything to say to it.

"Alex?" Kara shifted, bringing her more in the conversation.

"Are we sticking on the same topic or am I putting it all out there?"

"You make it sound like I'm the shittiest person alive." Sam mumbled. Because of course Alex had a list. Maybe she should have fought Kara harder on not coming back.

"Let her talk, okay? This is gonna help. Just stay on this for now, Alex."

"Fine." Sam looked at Alex briefly as her big sister got her thoughts together. She looked as tired as Sam felt. This was taking as much out of her. But she was calmer than before, no more edge.

"When you get in these messes," Alex started. Sam looked away when Alex made to meet her eyes. "It doesn't only affect you. All of us feel it. Maybe not in the same way but we all worry. It adds stress and Mom, that's why she gets upset with you. She wants to help but you don't let her so then she gets on me about it."

Sam laughed at that. Alex had never done anything to help her. Not really. Not like she had always done for Kara.

"It's not funny. When you get in trouble, Mom comes down on me. It's not fair. And, I don't know what it's all about but it needs to stop. Kara's right, it's more serious now than when you were a kid, Sam. A juvie record is very different than what can happen now."

"Maybe you guys should stop worrying then you wouldn't get so stressed and you'd stop yelling at me. Win-win for everyone."

"You're family, Sam. We can't and won't stop worrying or caring about you." Kara said softly, tentatively resting a hand on her arm. Chipping slowly but surely at Sam's resolve to be an ass.

"It seems like you're the only one caring, Kara. Mom and Alex are just disappointed."

"That's not true." Alex replied quick. But it was. At least that's how Sam always felt. The first few times, yea, they all were concerned on why she was acting out and how they could help but after that, nothing. Disappointment and anger.

"Yes, it is, Alex! Oh my god. You don't even realize it. You picked me up at the station and then spoke to me like my drill sergeants used to. There was _no_ concern. You didn't ask if I was okay or what happened. You immediately assumed it was my fault."

"Was it not?" Alex shot back, not backing down and their strain building back up. "It always has been, Sam. You're impulsive and reckless. You don't _think_ before you act. That's what gets you in trouble. You'd rather start throwing punches than realize it'd be better to walk away."

"We're talking this out, guys. Calm down." Kara mediated. Sam blew out a harsh breath. Alex wasn't wrong but Sam didn't exactly enjoy being called out on her faults. "Sam, Alex is right. You tend to look for a fight in everything. It'd be a little easier to help you if you didn't fight us with each step."

She forced out a terse, "I know."

"Then stop." Alex said and Sam had to force another breath in and out.

"It'd be easier if you'd stop being an arrogant bitch. Are you forgetting your whole party stage? Because _that_ Alex has no right to judge me."

"That Alex is long gone."

"Stop!" Kara demanded. Sam assumed she was using her Supergirl voice. More confident and powerful. No meek little girl. "We aren't doing this so you two can throw insults at each other. Alex, _stop with the tone_. And Sam! Same! What I meant, Sam, is that when you want to fight us on something tell us why. Let's talk through it. We _do_ love you and we _do_ care, all of us."

Sam and Alex both sat like scolded kids. They felt like they were ten and sixteen, respectively, again. Back before their mom stopped trying to play mediator.

"Now, we're moving past the looking for trouble."

"And being reckless and always trying to fight." Sam interjected. Might as well hint at how she felt: ganged up on.

"Right. Those too. But, you kinda talked about Alex picking you up and how she acted. What did you mean? Like, obviously, you were upset by it but why?"

"I was upset because Alex treats me like I'm the world's biggest fuck up but then expects me to be perfect like her. How is that fair?"

"I don't think you're the world's biggest fuck up, Sam. I promise you I don't. If I did then I wouldn't be so concerned when these things happen."

"You're not concerned though. You're disappointed that I'm not better. It's…I don't know how to explain it. You're so hard on me, Alex. Every time I talk to you, it's what have I accomplished or what trouble am I in. Never a 'how are you' or like normal, concerned sister questions. I feel like I'm being interrogated."

"I don't mean to make you feel like that."

"Well you do."

"Alex?" Kara gave a nod in Sam's direction but Alex didn't react. All three women sat in silence until Alex finally got whatever was on her mind together.

"I'm sorry, Sam. I'll try to be better. I don't notice it."

It was a start. Alex wasn't big on apologizing. She could, and would but only if she knew there wasn't an option. She had a lot more often as a kid. This little talk it out thing was working but Sam couldn't stop the contempt in her words.

"Kara, don't you want to talk about Alex being hard on you? Oh, wait. No. Because Alex would never do wrong when it comes to you. I forgot."

"Sam. Why?" Kara whined as Alex bristled. Kara hated how her sisters fought and she knew why they did. It's why she never pushed Sam for much of a relationship. At least, she didn't push Sam to return the effort Kara put into.

"What in the hell are you talking about?"

"Alex, please." Kara tried. She was losing control of this and it was looking so promising.

"No, Kara because this is what it's all about, isn't it, Sam?"

"A little bit, yea. Kara does no wrong. She broke you're fucking hand once and you just let it go. I broke a test tube and you had a conniption about it. And like, that's not even the point but everything is like that. I do anything and it's the end of the world, ya know, but Kara. She breaks all the rules Dad put in place about revealing herself and I can only guess that you're right there helping her."

"That is completely–"

"No Alex!" Sam stood, her emotions getting to her. Kara remembers the few times Sam let loose like this. She can never sit still. It's why she gets into fights. "You choose her _every time._ You always have."

Alex stood too and Kara followed. The little control she had? Gone. Completely gone. "Because Dad told me to! You should be protecting her too, Sam. That's what he wanted."

"Did he tell you to forget about me too?" There it was. Kara knew it was coming but she didn't know it was going to hit her so hard. Sam's voice cracking. More vulnerable than she'd been since they were kids. Alex deflated. Her hands coming up to scrub at her face.

"Sam…"

"No, it's fine. Really." Sam was trying to regain her composure, hastily throwing on her mask but it wasn't fitting any more. Kara took the small step to pull her into a hug. Sam went stiff but didn't pull away. Nor did she return the embrace. It didn't matter. This was a step in the right direction. Kara was happy with that.

"I don't…I didn't mean to." Alex fumbled with her words. Kara pulled back but not away from Sam, wrapping her hands around her arm and leaning her head on her shoulder. "It's…" Alex stopped. Taking a big breath, she tried again. "I didn't realize it and I'm sorry but you made it easy, Sam." Alex's hands came up to stop both of their protests. "I'm not saying that to get back at you or anything. I just need you to understand.

"Dad told me to watch over Kara. That was the last thing he said to me so I've made that my life. My entire life is protecting Kara as best I can, Sam. What Maggie told me to tell you earlier is that I work for the DEO. It's a government agency that deals with anything out of the ordinary. And I'm not some pencil pusher; I'm a field agent, okay? Literally, I have dedicated my life to what Dad said."

That always sat weird with Kara. She was grateful but felt selfish. Alex gave up so much. Now, it was looking like she gave up one sister for another. Kara hated that.

"What does that have to do with me?"

"You went the complete other way. You pushed Kara away. You made it clear you wanted nothing to do with her. You were standoffish at best and cruel at worst. I guess, in some messed up way, I did forget about you a little because I thought I was doing what Dad told me to do."

"You never thought that I was mean to Kara because that was the only time you didn't forget about me? Come on, Alex. I was a kid when Dad left then you and mom fawned over Kara. I didn't know how else to act."

"What about now?" Kara asked, soft and tentative. She always understood why Sam acted the way she did but it didn't make it easier. And, she just excused it as a kid. Kara wanted to know what the excuse was now.

"Same as Alex, I guess." Sam shrugged. She pulled her arm in, awkwardly squeezing Kara's hands against in her body as she gave her a grimace of a smile. "I got stuck in a habit."

"It's okay." Kara said.

"No, it isn't."

"You aren't always bad."

"I think that's the nicest thing a Danvers has ever said to me." Sam tried to joke but it fell and fast. Alex pulled them both into a hug.

"I think the moral is that we're all sorry. Right?"

"Wait." Kara craned her head to look at Alex. "What am I sorry for?"

"For making us talk about our feelings." Sam said, stepping out of the hug. Kara could only imagine the overload of emotions and touching she was having.

Alex used checking the time to compose herself. Walking back to the kitchen to check the stove instead of using her phone. It was late but this went quicker than she thought. Smoother too.

"It's late." She announced, walking back to her sisters. "I need to get some sleep before I meet Maggie for breakfast. Kara, I'd offer to let you crash here but Sam's taking the couch and we are not sharing my bed."

"Why not!?" Kara pouted.

"Because last time you kicked me off the bed. My shoulder was sore for a week!" Alex noticed Sam not in their conversation, barely paying attention. More trying to make herself seem like she wasn't there. Awkward and off to the side. She looked at her, smile in place. "I wasn't allowed out in the field that whole time. J'onn wouldn't let me live it down."

"Um, who's J'onn?"

"My boss."

" _Our_ boss." Kara corrected. "Supergirl works at the DEO too. Anyway, I need to get some sleep too. Snapper is probably going to give me hell." Kara looked at Sam with a smile as she explained, "That's my day job boss. He's an irritable man and I'm sure tomorrow won't be any different."

Alex waited as Kara hugged Sam. Making sure that their little sister was the first choice instead of the second. She was sure Kara would make it her goal for the next forever to make Sam feel important and loved. Alex would do her best too. She wasn't as good at it as Kara though. Then Kara was hugging her and taking the door instead of the window.

"Alright, let me get you some blankets and pillows." She walked toward her bathroom to her linen closet. "The bathroom is in here. You can help yourself to anything at all. There's not much in the kitchen though."

"I don't have to stay here, Alex."

"You do because I say you do. And," Alex threw her load of blankets on the couch, "not because I'm worried you'll do something stupid. You're going to stay with me because you're my sister and _I love you_ and I want to help you."

"Right."

"Now go to sleep because I have to be up in…four hours for breakfast."

"So you're like full on gay then? Which is, ya know, fine and cool or whatever." Sam rushed out, cringing at her choice of words. Unless they were snarky, words weren't Sam's thing.

Alex laughed. It was still new and exciting but even more exciting was Maggie. Very specifically Maggie. That excitement bubbled again at the chance to tell Sam all about her. "Yea. You didn't really miss a whole lot there. I only came out a couple months ago."

"How long have you been dating the detective?"

"Maggie. Uh, a few months now."

Sam nodded a couple times, slow. "And she's good to you?"

"She's great. Like really great. Did you want…I mean, I have to be up soon but we could talk for a while? Catch up. Do you want to?"

Sam switched gears, shaking her head quickly. "No. Nah, that's okay. Let's just get some sleep. You gotta be up soon, like you said. We can talk or whatever some other time."

Alex should have expected that. Sam never wanted to talk much. She had always dodged their mom's questions and never paid attention to when those same questions were turned to Alex and Kara. All part of the wall she started building after their dad left. Expected or not, Alex couldn't help the disappointment replacing her excitement.

"Oh, okay. Yea, you're probably right. It's late." They stood looking at each other. Awkward in general but more so after their fight. Alex was doing well before to ignore it, make Sam feel at home so she pushed through it again. She wrapped her arms around Sam, a little stiffly and very quickly, before saying, "Goodnight."

"Night."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I don't get into it much in this chapter but Lena does make an appearance so I thought I should explain her and Kara. There is no straight (ha ha) up SuperCorp in this but it'll be implied there's something between them. Kind of like the show but I don't think they really mean to unless it is some huge, long story arc of Kara falling in love with a friend b/c that's the goal with finding your person. Which would be cool. Talk about slow burn. Anyways. That's all. Thanks!**

It had been a long while since Alex had gotten so little sleep. The four hours she should have gotten were dwindled down to about half that since she tossed and turned. She couldn't get her mind to shut off. Worry over Sam, disappointment in herself for letting all three of their relationships get so bad. She fumbled with her phone, alarm set to vibrate and on her bed so it wouldn't wake up Sam too, sleeping feet away on the couch. It was going to be a long day.

Luckily, the sun was up enough to light up the apartment without any lights turned on. Alex grabbed some clothes then retreated to the bathroom to quickly get ready. After breakfast it would be straight to the DEO and she wanted as much time with Maggie as possible. Especially since she was on the night shift again tonight.

It was sad, in a good way, how hard it was for them to be apart for a week. They weren't even really apart. They still saw each other when they could.

Walking past the back of the couch, Alex stopped. Hesitating before she moved around to the front of it and crouched down to Sam's level. She almost looked like a different person asleep. Unguarded, younger. No forced disinterest or aggression. She looked like the little sister Alex had an easy relationship with. Her scar wrapping the edge of her chin from when she was six and tried to walk on top of the monkey bars, her light freckles Alex forgot about since not being this close in years, and, Alex was surprised to see, The Crinkle. She wondered why it was there, what Sam was dreaming about if anything. If it was Alex and Kara that put it there.

"I'm happy you're here." Alex whispered, tipping forward to lay a light kiss on her sister's forehead. She was surprised at the rush of emotion seeing Sam like that brought. Uncomfortable with it, Alex stood and left quickly. Sam never even budging.

- **Got hit with some last minute paper work. I'm gonna be a little late. Make yourself at home and I'll see you soon. Sorry**

Alex sighed at her phone. She was straddling her bike with it still off, not having got very far from her apartment. But, she had to admit, this would give her time to clear her head before diving back into it with Maggie. So, she brought her bike to life and headed for Maggie's favorite breakfast truck. The one that parked near L-Corp plaza. On the opposite side of town.

The wind pulling at her clothes and the mostly empty streets were perfect. Alex could take the corners tight, drop her guard the slightest without all the cars around her. It felt good to be in control of her bike. With Sam back, it felt like she was losing some of hers.

It was early enough that there wasn't much of a line for their food, truth be told Alex was surprised the truck was serving already, but there were a few orders in front of her. She placed her order than sat down on the side of a nearby fountain. Her mind jumping from past to present to future and what they all meant for her sisters when someone called out her name. Well, her title.

"Agent Danvers?"

Alex looked up to see Lena Luthor walking toward her. Weighed down with a travel mug, brief case and tote bag, and coat over her arm. 5:30 am and she was dressed to kill. Black pencil skirt and matching blazer, an icy blue blouse underneath and, as always, heels that made Alex hurt for Lena. Alex had to admire it all; even more so, as she wondered what time Lena woke up to accomplish it.

"Ms. Luthor, good morning."

"Good morning to you. What's brought you to my neck of the woods? I hope, for once, it's not me. No offense but I am tired of our official meetings."

"Oh no. Nothing official." Alex pointed towards the truck. "Picking up breakfast. The truck's my girlfriend's favorite."

"Excellent choice. I usually send my assistant down to pick us up something when she gets in. You're seeing Detective Sawyer, correct?"

Not sure how Lena knew, Alex lifted an eyebrow as she answered. "I am."

"Kara told me. I hope that's alright."

"Uh, yea. It's fine."

"I'm not sure many would consider me out since I keep my entire private life so private but it is a freeing feeling, isn't it?"

"Wait." Alex blurted. That was not what she was expecting to hear from _Lena Luthor_ of all people Not that _Lena Luthor_ couldn't be gay but Alex wouldn't have guessed it. "You're gay? Sorry…" she added, realizing how loud that was. She looked around but no one even glanced their way. Lena chuckled, putting Alex even more at ease, though slightly embarrassed, with her outburst.

"I see Kara hasn't told you but yes, I am. Your sister was adorable, by the way, after you came out to her. She was in my office almost daily that week with questions on how to better support you."

"Oh, well…yea. That's Kara for you."

Lena nodded with a smile, obviously enjoying flustered Alex. Like everyone else always did. Alex herself hated it. "Listen, I need to get to work but Kara has my number if _you_ have any questions or need advice, anything at all really. I'm sure Detective Sawyer has you covered but it's always nice to have someone else to talk to, especially if it is about a certain detective."

Another thing from Lena she wasn't expecting. It made Alex uncomfortable. This easy display of support from someone she barely knew. "I, uh, thank you. I appreciate the offer."

"No problem at all, Agent Danvers. You're important to your sister and she's been an incredible friend to me from the moment we met. It's the least I can do."

"Danvers!" being yelled out by one of the cooks cut off whatever awkward farewell they were going to have. Alex smiled and thumbed toward the truck.

"Looks like I have to go too. Thanks again."

"Of course. Have a nice day, Agent Danvers."

Lena didn't wait for a reply. She turned and marched right into her building. That was the only word for it: marched. She owned the place and acted like it. Alex admired her confidence. From what Kara has told her, it isn't always real. She felt a kinship to that.

"Danvers!" was called again, causing Alex to raise a hand to placate the annoyed cook as she quickly made her way to retrieve their food.

Maggie still wasn't home by the time Alex got there. To waste time, she plated the food and started the coffee machine. Two mugs next to it, creamer out for hers. Quickly the stress of her sisters took over her mind again. She stared at the coffee maker, hands on the counter. Her lack of sleep wasn't helping either. Making it all too easy to zone out.

"Hey." Maggie greeted as she came in the door. Alex hearing her but still zoned a little, not looking up. "Sorry about that. We had a break-in at an alien residence."

"Everything turn out okay?" Alex shook herself out of it. Pouring Maggie's coffee and setting it on the island behind her before turning back to pour and make her own. She smiled as Maggie's arms wrapped around her from behind and she kissed her cheek.

"Yea, nothing out of the ordinary or too serious so we passed it off to burglary. I wish I could have passed off the paper work too; the call came in right at the end. There was no way I could've got it done before the end of my shift."

Alex turned, coffee in hand and between them now. This easy, domestic feeling with Maggie would never get old. Alex was sure of it. Everything else was nice, _really_ nice but this was her favorite. Just getting to be with her when other people don't.

"You act like I've never been late or had to bail on you for work before."

"Just because it happens with us doesn't mean I can't be sorry." Maggie said it quietly, smile on her face as she leaned up to give Alex a proper kiss. Her coffee cup pressed between them. "I'm always sorry when things come between me and spending time with my girl."

It was amazing how good Maggie was at pulling Alex away from her stress. It was even more amazing how two simple words could light Alex up. She still wasn't used to having her emotions stirred so easily. That may be the biggest change she was getting used to with Maggie.

"Your girl, huh?"

"Uh-huh."

"You're getting soft." Alex chuckled.

"No, Danvers, I am soft." Maggie pulled away to look at the spread on her counter. "We're actually using plates today?"

"We probably should more often and," Alex shrugged, "I needed something to do while I was waiting." Then Maggie was properly looking at what was on the plates instead of the fact that there were plates and she grinned at Alex. All dimples and shining eyes and Alex's heart was having issues.

"Did you go to Main Squeeze? That's all the way across town!"

"I had the time and I thought you might like your favorite."

"The Classic?"

"The Classic." Alex nodded. "Eggs, hashbrowns, chorizo, sausage, bacon, and green chilies. No cheese and no fuego crema. All wrapped up in the larger tortilla."

"Danvers, you are too good to me."

"I know. Oh! And I got those churro sticks you like too." Alex pointed to the still foiled bundle in the middle of the table.

"I said you were too good to me, right? That you spoil me? Because if not, you do and I love it."

Maggie didn't push them into the Danvers Sister Drama. They talked about her night at work, what Alex had on her plate that day at the DEO. They talked about Lena coming out to Alex and offering help. Alex laughed as Maggie was torn about it. Saying it was great while trying to hide her jealousy. Then they didn't talk about anything. They finished their food in silence and it was nice. There were no expectations. Just a level of comfort that Alex thought she would only have with Kara.

Alex wasn't allowed to clear the table despite her attempts. Maggie simply pushed her back down in her chair, kissed her, and gathered up their plates and dropped them in the sink. Alex would have liked to finish it up, put them in the dishwasher but Maggie was adamant she'd do them later. But she was also exhausted, Alex could see it. More so than she was. Maggie had been on nights all week. Her schedule flipping around and she still wasn't used to it. Alex didn't want her to do anything but sleep after she left.

"Let's move this party to the couch." Maggie suggested, flopping down and yawning loudly with her arms above her hand. "Man, I can't wait until I'm done with this nights bullshit. I'm exhausted."

"I can't wait either." Alex agreed, settling in next to Maggie. Half on top of her with her head against Maggie's shoulder and Maggie's arm draped along her waist.

"Sick of waking up early to see me?"

"The waking up early, yes. Seeing you, no.

"Good to know." Maggie chuckled. Alex liked the way it felt against her, the way it sounded with her ear pressed to her chest. That was all that was said for a few minutes. Alex felt Maggie's breathing slow and was sure she was asleep. Then Maggie spoke, causing her to jump. "What happen last night?" She laughed a little. "Sorry."

"I totally thought you were asleep."

"I almost was but then I remembered the extra reason you're here. So?"

Alex shifted more on top of Maggie so she could look at her, resting her chin on her hand on Maggie's chest. She shook her head. "I don't even know where to start."

"The beginning? Literally. There's a baby Danvers? I still can't figure out how I didn't know. I'm totally calling you Big Danvers now. Big Danvers, Little Danvers, and Baby Danvers. It's like a _Berenstain_ _Bears_ book."

"You're ridiculous." They both laughed, Alex smiling at Maggie. "Do not call me Big Danvers."

"Alright, alright. I won't…maybe."

Alex glared playfully, losing the expression when Maggie leaned forward and kissed her nose. "Sam is…well, you met her. She's difficult and stubborn. I swear she does half of everything just because it pisses me off."

"Sounds like any sister. Still doesn't explain why you've never mentioned her."

"Because I haven't talked to her in like…I don't know, two years. I saw her last Mother's Day but she was leaving as Kara and I got there."

"Two years? Damn. Why so long?"

"This is a lot, Mags. Like all the way back to when my dad left. Are you sure you want to get into this? We've kind of talked about it before but you don't have to deal with my family issues."

"Alex, _you_ are dealing with your family issues and yea, sure, I don't have to but I want to. Because why?" Maggie asked playfully.

"Because you're here for me." Alex rolled her eyes and didn't bother hiding her smile. It was nice. Redundant to be reminded so often but she obviously needed to be. It had been a long while since she has had someone there for her. It was always the other way around.

"Exactly! So spill the beans, Danvers."

"Okay." Alex took a deep breath. This was going to be a lot. For Maggie to hear and for Alex to tell. She's never vocalized any of it except when talking to her mom or Kara, and they never talked about all of it. "My dad left when I was 13, Sam was seven, and a year after Superman dropped Kara off to us. That first year was great. I mean, yea, Sam acted out a little but my mom said it was normal kid stuff, what I did when they had Sam. She threw tantrums and got in a little trouble at school. Nothing crazy.

"But when Dad left, it wasn't a little trouble and it wasn't normal kid stuff. She started getting in fights at school, stopped doing her homework or trying in general. And at home she was a terror. I was the teenager, I should've been the one getting in arguments and trouble but it was all Sam. She'd getting into screaming matches with my mom, be mean to Kara."

"What about you?"

"She was colder and meaner, maybe, but not as often as with my mom or Kara. I think that was the start of my problems with my mom. I could get through to Sam when she couldn't. That was probably hard for her as a mother."

"She must have really looked up to you."

"Unfortunately. When I hit my party phase, so did she. God, she must have been fourteen. I didn't realize it. Obviously. I was a little preoccupied with being my own mess. But before that, after Dad, I really tried to be there for both of them but I don't know. I guess I took Kara more seriously. I mean, the last thing my dad said to me was to keep her safe. Then Sam was being so difficult and of course, after that it only got worse.

"It was just so hard. I didn't understand why she wasn't more concerned with Kara. It was Dad's last wish. How could she not take that seriously?"

"She was how old, Alex? Seven? I'm impressed you took it seriously at 13. There's no way at seven year old would be able to grasp that."

"Well, I know that now and she did. Kind of. Just not how she should've. A few of her fights at school were because of Kara which only confused me more. Because she was physically fighting for her but being such an _asshole_ to her at home. I didn't understand.

"Kara says that when I left for school things got better between them. Last night she told me that Sam acts like she does because that's what my mom and I expect from her. More me than mom."

"Makes sense." Maggie nodded. "I can only imagine how much she loved you, Alex. When I was a kid, I had an aunt who wasn't much older than me. Eleven years. And, I thought she hung the moon. She didn't even do anything special. I just thought she was so cool. Now imagine having a big sister like you. More than a couple years older and good at everything you aren't."

Alex buried her face against Maggie and groaned. Maggie rubbed her hands along her back for comfort. "I never thought about it like that."

"People do weird things when their worlds get flipped. Little kids act out at the people they want the most. You were a kid too though so don't beat yourself up. What happened while you were at school? Other than the party phase."

Alex turned to rest against Maggie's shoulder again. "She got into this really bad fight at school. Like really bad, Maggie. I never found out what started it but she threw this kid through one of the trophy cases after beating him to a pulp. They took her to court and the only reason she didn't go to juvie was because my mom got the judge to consider military school instead. That's where she went for the last three years of high school then she joined the army."

"Until last night because she was discharged?"

"Yea. We haven't talked about that though."

"Because of World Wars three and four?"

"Yep."

"Did everyone survive?"

"It went a lot better than it should've. Thanks to Kara."

"Why does it get so bad?"

Alex sighed. She wanted the same answer. Well, she had it but she didn't like to admit it. "Because she drives me crazy. I'm not kidding when I say she does things just to make me mad but I'm so hard on her. Really, I'm worse than she is. I have always been on her to treat Kara better but here I am, doing that to her."

"Now that you know, you can change it. You know? It's not too late to fix your relationship, Al. She's your little sister and I'd be willing to bet that she still loves you as much as she did before everything with Kara and your dad happened. You just have to be willing to fix it."

"It's like I can't help it."

"Maybe that's how it is for her too but you know what's going to help?"

"What?" Alex looked up at Maggie. Dimples out knowingly.

"Kara. She won't let you guys tear each other apart anymore. But. You need to let them figure their relationship out themselves. Kara is what got you and Sam into this, and she'll get you out but you can't take sides anymore. Your dad wouldn't want that."

"Low blow, Sawyer. Low blow." Alex grimaced. Mostly to hide just how much that hit her. This was so far from what her dad would have wanted.

Her dad. All this talk about him and Sam and what happened. Oh no… Alex's eyes slipped shut. "We haven't told her that we've seen Dad. How could I forget to mention that!?"

Alex sat up, moving to get off the couch before Maggie caught her hand. "Woah. Calm down. It wasn't exactly a warm reunion last night. You guys were trying to work through some pretty heavy stuff. I'm sure she'll understand."

Maybe Sam would but it was more likely that she wouldn't. But maybe she wouldn't really care. She was so young when their dad left. Alex wondered how much she even remembered about him outside of the stories she heard from Alex, Kara, or their mom. Another clicking thought. Another reason Sam was so angry. Alex might have lost her dad, Kara may have lost her savior but they had their own memories to help with the pain. Sam might not have even that.

"It'll work out, Al. I promise. One way or another, everything always works out and you'll be okay." Alex nodded, her face in her hands and elbows on her knees. Maggie pressed to her side with her arms around her. "When do you need to leave for work?"

"Ready to go in the command center at zero-eight-hundred."

"Normal people use normal time."

"Who ever said I'm normal? Actually. You tell me I'm not normal daily."

Maggie chuckled as Alex finally looked up at her, head still on her hands. "So that leaves us what? Forty minutes until you have to go?" Alex nodded. "Come lay down with me?"

It felt good to lay in bed with Maggie. Falling asleep together had become a normal thing until Maggie's week of night shifts made it impossible. They made it work with breakfast or dinner together but Alex couldn't wait for her schedule to go back to normal. Thankfully it was only two more days.

Maggie needed normal again since she insisted being called in to the DEO for anything serious, going above Alex to Winn for the notice. They had barely settled in before Maggie's eyes were shut and she was almost asleep. Her left hand twitching softly every now and then on Alex's stomach. Maggie's sleep tell. Alex set an alarm, on vibrate like earlier, to let herself catch up on what little sleep she could. Then she focused on Maggie and how she felt in that moment. The rest of the world could move to the back burner for just a little while.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Just because there's some positive going on, remember that the Danvers girls just had a nice little chat about their issues so they're all more aware of how they treat each other. They aren't out of the woods with each other yet. Don't worry! Thanks again for reading.**

The light in the apartment was unreal. Why, and how, didn't Alex have decent blinds? Sam turned on the couch to press her face against the back of it. Her head hurt, she could feel the throb in her cheek more than anywhere else. It was sure to be bruised by now. Last night it was a dusty purple, the cut an angry red. She couldn't wait for people to stare at her like she was a hoodlum for the next week or so. She had to admit they wouldn't be too far off.

With a groan, Sam submitted to the fact that she wouldn't be falling back to sleep. She sat up and looked around the apartment. It was big but open. No bedroom door. Other than the front door the only other door in the place was to the bathroom. Sam wasn't surprised at how clean it was either. Lived in but very clean. The bed immaculately made. Even in her college years, Alex had a precision-like quality to her housekeeping. The first thing Sam did was fold her blanket. She awkwardly looked for the linen closet in the bathroom, carefully peaking around the apartment until she found it. It felt weird to be going through Alex's apartment without her there.

Not sure what else to do, Sam decided to take a shower. All the shower did was highlight how shitty Sam felt. Even the soothing hot water running on her wasn't enough to kick her exhaustion-fueled hangover. The water stung her cut no matter how long she was in so finally, she dragged herself out.

"Sam?" She stopped toweling her hair but didn't answer. "Sam? Are you here?" There was a pause then quieter, "Of course, she's here. Where else would she be? Annnd now I'm talking to myself…"

Kara. Maybe not the last person Sam wanted to see so early and still hungover but she was definitely at the bottom of the list. Sam gave her hair another ruffle with the towel then walked out to greet her sister. Kara spun on her heels, picking up Sam's steps with her super hearing, Sam assumed.

"Oh, hey! I was looking for you. Ouch…" Kara scrunched her face in concern. "That looks pretty bad. Does it hurt?"

"I doubt you'd be here for anyone else. And, it's fine." Sam added.

"Right, well…um, I brought you lunch! Alex said she hadn't heard from you all day so I figured you probably haven't eaten yet. And it's my lunch break so I had time to come over."

"To check up on me?" Sam ignored Kara's outstretched hand clutching a takeout bag. She plopped down on the couch, not sure what else to do.

"No!"

"Why are you and Alex even talking about me anyways?"

"Sam, we weren't talking about you. Well…we were but not in a bad way." Sam scoffed, refusing to look at Kara as she sat next to her. "I promise! I texted her to ask how you were because, ya know, you don't always answer me when I text you and she told me that she hasn't heard anything from you and you were asleep when she left this morning."

That made Sam feel like an asshole. And after their little kumbaya moment last night... She couldn't help it though. It wasn't like their fighting was going to be something that just went away. It's been years. A few hours wasn't enough time to change all that.

"Remember what I said last night? I need you to talk to me when you're upset so we can fix it. Are you upset?"

Sam sighed and deflated. "No. I'm not. I just wasn't expecting you to check up on me. I'm not going to do anything, you don't have to."

"That's not why I'm here. I really only wanted to bring you lunch. Maybe talk to you without a huge explosion like last night. Is that okay?"

Was it? There was still that itch when Sam thought about Kara or saw her. The one that made her feel like she wasn't anywhere close to her level. Not in Alex's eyes, not in their mom's. Not even in Sam's eyes. But, they said they would try and Kara didn't deserve the backlash. Technically.

Sam could at least try. "Sure."

"Great!" Kara beamed. She turned and grabbed their food as she started to ramble on, "I know you really like burgers and there's this great café, Noonan's, it does like everything. I get my coffee from there but Alex says they have really good burgers so I got you one. And some fries!"

"Thanks."

They started eating. Not in an entirely uncomfortable silence but it wasn't comfortable either. Kara scarfed down her wrap. Record time if Sam had to guess. Then she moved on to her own side of fries. A container of soup or chili or something was on the coffee table with a baguette next to it. She noticed Sam watching her and slowed down, a sheepish smile on her face.

"Superheroing makes me really hungry."

"Right." Sam nodded. She knew she should say something else. Put in some effort. "So, um, do you have to do that a lot?"

"Yea but I really like it. It's just hard to make excuses to leave work or when I'm around people who don't know. Like this morning, I was with my friend Lena at her building and then there was a robbery going on. I told her that Snapper texted me and demanded me back at CatCo. I didn't even check my phone to make it seem real!"

Kara rolled her eyes at herself with a sigh. But her smile didn't disappear for long. She turned back to Sam as she started eating again, slower. Sam felt a bit bad but she added it to what she was feeling before and slid it away.

"Your friend has her own building?"

"Oh yea, you haven't met Lena yet. She's a…she's Lena Luthor."

" _Luthor_? Like the CEO and majority owner of L-Corp? Wait. You're friends with a Luthor? Doesn't your cousin hate Lex Luthor?"

"Yes to all of them but please don't say Luthor like it's a bad word. Lena isn't like her family. She's really great and trying to make L-Corp good again. No one ever gives her a chance and it really isn't fair. She deserves one."

"Ok." Sam answered easily. She could give the woman a chance. It wasn't like she didn't know how it felt to be measured by your name or judged by the past. Danvers may not have the reputation that Luthor did but her sisters set a high bar throughout the Midvale school district. One she pulled right back down, much to the chagrin of her teachers. Sam was constantly reminded how great her sisters had been and how different she was from them. It had been fodder and fuel to the fire back then.

"Really? You'll give her the benefit of the doubt? That easy?"

"Let me guess, Alex isn't?"

"Rao, no. Every time I mention Lena she gets The Crinkle and then tells me to be careful and that she wants to trust Lena but she can't because of Lex and Kal's history."

"Maybe she has a good point. I mean, you _should_ be careful but that doesn't mean you can't be friends with her and trust her. But, like, if things get weird then pay attention to what's going on. Don't do anything stupid and all that."

"Worried about me, Sam?" Kara teased and Sam tensed, clammed up a little. She tried to hide that she didn't hate Kara. Even if she did, no one would want someone they knew their entire life to be in any trouble. It was normal.

"Alex would never shut about it if something happened."

"Right." Kara drawled out, smug. "Oh, crap! I gotta go. Snapper's going to kill me if I take a long lunch again!"

Kara scrambled up from the couch, reaching for the bag and their trash. Sam watched her for a second before stopping her. "I'll take care of it. Get back to work before you get in trouble."

"Really?"

"Yea, go on."

"Thank you!" Then Kara was pulling Sam into a hug and running out the door, faster than a normal human should, before Sam could react.

She stood still. Not sure why that just happened. Sam had made it clear that she wasn't a fan of hugs. Last night she let it happen because they were having a moment or whatever. But it was kind of nice. She wasn't going to tell either of them that though.

After cleaning up, Sam plopped back down on the couch. She didn't have a plan for the day. No plan at all really. She hadn't let herself think much past her hearings and then last night, well, she hadn't been thinking at all it seemed.

Apartment hunting would be smart. She had money saved up. The only issue with that was she didn't have a laptop and didn't want to go through Alex's things to see if she had one.

There was a convenience store a few blocks down; Sam remembered passing it last night. It seemed like a nice day out. A walk might be nice. It was a little productive at least.

"Ponytail, you're late again. Do you have my article?" Snapper somehow managed to yell while still sounding bored. If Kara wasn't so eager to get the man to like her, she might have been scared by that skill. As it was, it just made her nervous and flustered.

"Uh, n-no, sir but I'll get right on it. I had to stop and check–"

"I don't care. Get me my article."

"Right." Kara nodded before walking away.

She hoped things would stay quiet. It was highly doubtful Snapper would let another disappearance go. Kara retreated to her desk in the bullpen and sat down, a nod to herself. She was going to get this article done and it was going to knock the pants off Snapper. He'd forget all about her being late.


	7. Chapter 7

The beeping and flashing coming from Winn's station caught Alex's eye. The tech fumbling with his lunch as he rushed to check it.

"Oh, okay, okay! We got something."

"What is it?"

"Looks like one of L-Corps' satellite labs was broken into. NCPD are in pursuit, reports of alien tech being used by the suspects."

"Supergirl level tech or can we handle it on our own?"

"It doesn't sound like anything we haven't dealt with in the past. You should be fine. I'll be on standby to contact her if you do though."

"Right." Alex answered before raising her voice to catch the attention of the agents around her. Most were already waiting. "Vasquez, Gregory! Round up your teams and meet me in the garage."

Both agents nodded before shouting out their own orders. Alex rushed to the lockers, grabbing her equipment before heading to the garage. Her agents on her heels.

By the time their SUVs got to the scene, NCPD had the suspects blocked in on a street. They had taken refuge in an alley. No way out. Alex was momentarily distracted by how close they were to her apartment. She hoped Sam was still passed out on her couch or at the very least inside and safe.

"Danvers." Maggie called out and she made her way over to the detective.

"What do we got?"

"Five men, we believe they're all human. Their van was spotted leaving L-Corp after their alarms were tripped; they took off at the first sign of cops. They have alien weapons but haven't fired on us. I don't know what they're waiting for."

"Either they don't know how to use them or they're waiting for something. I mean," Alex gestured toward the alley in front of them. The van parked awkwardly to give the men cover behind it, "this isn't a strategic place to make their last stand. I don't think it is a last stand if they're not firing."

"This is yours, Danvers. What do you need us to do?"

"Keep back and keep them surrounded. I'm going to see if I can get Supergirl here. Maybe she can come in from above, surprise them and keep any of our people from being caught in the crossfire of an extraction."

Maggie nodded, all business. Detective Sawyer instead of her girlfriend at the moment. Both of them excelled in the compartmentalization of their jobs. She left Alex to direct her officers. A few were assigned to her science division but most were just uniforms responding to the call. Those would be the liabilities. They weren't used to these situations.

Alex tapped the piece in her ear. "Winn."

"Yea, I'm here."

"I need Supergirl. We're on Park and Darwin. We have them contained but need her for safer extraction."

"On it."

Now they waited. It was Alex's least favorite part of the job but it was important. She had learned not to be too reckless. If it would only affect her, then sure. Jump in head first but she had eight of her own agents and about the same number of NCPD officers with their lives on her line.

Many of the officers were on crowd control now. Keeping them back and away from the mouth of the alley. She watched them. Took note of the overall feel from the crowd. They were nervous but mostly they were excited. One of the major downfalls to Supergirl. Everyone wanted a glimpse of her, even if it brought them too close to danger.

Maggie, looking concerned but trying to hide it, walking toward her caught Alex's eye from the citizens of National City. "Your sister is here." She said when she was close enough to keep her voice low and her words private.

Alex's eyes went up, searching for Kara.

"Not that one."

"What!? Where is she?" That spike of emotion Alex felt that morning, seeing Sam asleep, was back. This time saturated with fear.

"Calm down." Maggie said quickly, her hand on Alex's arm before she took it away. "Calm down. She's okay but I thought you should know. She's in the crowd."

"Okay." Alex breathed out.

"I'll keep an officer positioned close to her, and she's behind the barricade anyways. She's going to be fine, Alex."

Then her other sister was landing next to the two women. "What's going on?"

"Five men behind that van in the alley. They have alien weapons, something from an L-Corp lab but they aren't engaging." Maggie explained quickly, turning it over to Alex for their plan.

"We'll cover you, open fire on the truck to get their attention. Then, you'll fly down behind them and take care of the weapons. Focus on them and we'll take care of the rest. Okay?"

"Got it." Kara pointed to her ear and slowly lifted off the ground. "Tell me when."

"I think you'll know." Alex watched her ascend for a few seconds before turning to Maggie, "We need to get the crowd back farther and have those doing it stay on crowd control. They're our priority. Have the others take aim on the van. I want this as clean as possible but if those men take to the offensive, defend yourselves."

Maggie nodded and went to relay the message. Alex turned to her DEO agents and did the same. Soon, all were in position. Waiting for the signal. Alex looked around her, checking one last time. She tapped her air piece again, "Give us a three count before going in."

"Roger." Kara answered. If they weren't in the middle of a situation, Alex might have found Kara's radio talk funny.

She raised her off hand. Then dropped it. The agents and officers opened fire. The sound of gunshots and crunching metal filled the air. From her peripherals, she saw a blur of red and blue land behind the van. Another blur back into the air.

"Move in." Alex called out. They were almost to the mouth of the alley when the van tipped on its side. Three of the men ran one way and one ran the opposite. "Vasquez, after the four. Gregory, take the van. Hill, you're with me."

Alex and Hill took off after the lone man. To Alex's dismay he was running straight for the crowd. Obviously hoping to get lost within the faces. Alex pushed harder, pulling ahead of Hill. She needed to get to that man before he hurt someone or disappeared on them. He had to have whatever they took from L-Corp. The others were distractions. It was the only reason he would take off on his own.

Then things got worse. Seeing he had nowhere to go, the man pulled a gun. A normal, human gun but still very dangerous. Alex was still too far. He was fast and his lead gave him time to act. She slowed and pulled her weapon out. A hand out to slow Hill too.

The man was facing them with wild eyes. Then his head was whipping back and forth, looking for an out before he turned. His weapon trained on the crowd. Alex was making her own decisions, weighing options but her heart stopped when she watched Sam step in front of the man's gun. Arms out and shielding the woman behind her.

Alex would've called out but that would only make things worse. Put Sam in more danger. It was better for the man to think she was just some brave civilian. No connection to any of this.

He believed it too. Taking quick steps to close the distance and reaching out to grab Sam, take her as his hostage and ticket out of what he got himself into. Alex's heart beat faster. She broke into a jog to decrease the distance. Put herself in a position to help.

Apparently, she didn't have to. As soon as the man had Sam's shoulder, his gun inches away from her chest, she disarmed him. Grabbing the gun and wrenching his wrist out as her other hand knocked his off her shoulder and took hold of his neck. She then swept his legs and trained the nozzle of his gun to his chest. All within the span of seconds.

Alex blinked as a shaky breath escaped her. She knew Sam was a soldier. She knew Sam had been a soldier for a long time, that they taught them to defend themselves but seeing it was a whole different thing. Her baby sister just disarmed a man pointing a gun right at her. No fear. No hesitation.

Sam looked up and they stared at each other. Alex checking Sam over, making sure she really was okay despite what she just saw. Sam simply waited for her. Then Alex nodded and motioned Hill to take the man into custody. Alex went back to check on her other agents and the NCPD officers.

There wasn't a thought about stepping in front of the woman. Maybe half a thought at disarming the man with the gun at her. But now, Sam was thinking a mile a minute. The possibilities of what could have happened had she not stepped in, if the man had been stronger than her. The woman who had been with Alex approached cautiously, eyeing the way the gun shook in Sam's hand. She couldn't help it. Adrenalin was still pumping and her nerves were fried and the realization that she could've died a few seconds ago was pressing in.

"I got it from here." The woman said. "Lower the weapon. It's okay."

"Right." Sam nodded and did as she was told. "Right."

She watched, transfixed, as the man was flipped over and cuffed. She paid attention to the way Agent What's-her-name moved with precision and practiced ease. The click of the cuffs sliding home had Sam fighting back a flinch. It sounded too loud.

"Don't go anywhere." The woman instructed as she hauled the man up-right. "NCPD will need to take your statement."

"Right."

"That won't be necessary, Hill." Sam's head snapped to Alex. Her eyes were tight, she was stressed about something, but she was in control of the entire scene. The people behind her rushing about to follow her orders. "Get him over to Detective Sawyer. She'll tell you which car he's going in."

"Yes ma'am."

The man dragged his feet as he was led away. A scowl on his face but he didn't say anything or lift his eyes from the ground. Embarrassed, most likely. A woman disarmed him and now a woman was leading him to his future as a convicted criminal.

"Are you okay?"

Alex's voice jarred Sam back to the present. Away from the man. It had been hard, an edge of panic to it and Alex was close. Much too close. Like she wanted to reach out, to comfort Sam or shake her. Sam didn't know which but Alex didn't do either.

"Fine." Sam bit out. The rush from before solidifying into anger at Alex and her tone and her next question.

"What are you doing out here?"

Sam narrowed her eyes. Reverting back to yesterday. Hearing an interrogator instead of a concerned sister. If that was how Alex wanted to play it then Sam was game. The stress of the last several minutes crashing down on her. It was almost better this way; Sam wouldn't know how to react to a concerned and soft Alex. This was better.

"None of your business. Or, am I grounded, not allowed to leave your apartment? This is bullshit." Sam said the last part to herself but left it loud enough for Alex to hear.

"Bullshit? You shouldn't have been here. That guy was pointing a _gun at you,_ Sam! You could've been hurt!"

"Well I'm not."

"But you. Could. Have. Been." Alex kept her voice low. Obviously not wanting any of the scene to hear them. "There's no reason for you to be acting like this right now. I want to make sure my little sister is okay after having a gun pointed at her."

Sam rose to the bait, whether Alex knew she was throwing it out or not. _She_ was the one acting 'like this?' No. Her voice dripped venom when she hissed back. "You're the one acting like I meant to get in the middle of this!"

"I can't do this right now." Alex's voice was still hard. She shook her head then turned back to the scene before stopping. "I need that gun. It's evidence."

She hadn't even realized she still had it in hand. That must have been quite the image for everyone around them. Nothing like an argument with a gun present to get people on edge. Sam grabbed it by the nozzle with her opposite hand and passed it to Alex. Then she made her own exit. Not waiting for Alex, not letting her get to walk away; she wouldn't get the power.

Kara watched from afar as her sisters got into it again, Sam walking away. Again. She would have gone over and tried to mediate but Maggie stopped her because she was Supergirl right now and Alex and Sam needed to figure it out. Kara couldn't fix it for them.

Maggie was right, of course. Kara knew that she couldn't fix them for them but she wanted to. She always had. Now, she blamed the greater urge on her double life. Supergirl wanted to save everyone. Alex and Sam had to save themselves and each other on their own though. Otherwise it wouldn't stick. It wouldn't be real. So, Kara watched with a frown and a sinking feeling in her chest. They made so much progress last night!

"Don't worry, Little Danvers." Maggie said quietly. It was surprising what the nickname did to her nerves, soothing them enough to be pushed away for the moment. This must be the 'Maggie effect' Alex was always going on about. "It'll be okay. Alex might be stubborn but she wants to make it better, just give them both some time. I can only imagine how stubborn Baby Danvers is if she is anything like you two." Maggie chuckled. Kara let herself be distracted and turned to Maggie and her conversation.

"Baby Danvers. Do you have names for all of us?"

"No, just you two. I told Alex I was going to start calling her Big Danvers but she wasn't thrilled about it."

"I wonder why?" Kara asked sarcastically, laughing. "That's a horrible nickname, Detective."

Maggie smiled and nodded. "It really is. I need to get back to my crime scene, Supergirl, and I believe you need to report back to the DEO or that other job you have."

"Right! You're so right. Bye Detective!"

Kara took off into the sky faster than she normally would. Maggie was so, so right. She needed to report to the DEO then get back to CatCo before Snapper noticed she was missing. He had been hounding her that morning and Kara really hoped that he hadn't come looking for her while she was gone, that's the last thing she needed.

"Ponytail!" Kara froze, shoulders bunching around her ears at the sound of her name being yelled across the room. She turned slowly to see Snapper making his way over. "Where were you?"

"I had a, uh, a family situation to take care of. My sisters, they–"

Snapper held up a hand. "I don't care. What I do care about is L-Corp giving us an exclusive but they asked for you to handle it specifically. I have no clue why but Lena Luthor will talk to you and only you about this."

That pulled a smile from Kara. Her morning with her got cut short and, after the night and morning she had, it would be nice to see her friend.

"That was half an hour ago." Snapper glared at her. His glasses were down his nose and he was looking over them at her. So that was why he was mad. Kara hadn't pieced that together since the exclusive seemed like good news.

"Oh. I'm sorry! I'll get right over there!"

"I want it on my desk by the end of the day, Danvers."

"Sir?"

"If you want to take personal time during the day and be late, you can stay later and finish your assignments. I don't have time to wait for your personal life neither do the citizens of National City who rely on us for their news."

"Right. Of course, sir. That article will be finished today."

Another damper on her day but Kara didn't focus on it. She was going to see Lena. For work. It was like when she got to work with Winn on tasks for Cat when they were both at CatCo. Snapper started to walk away but his voice was thrown back at Kara, he didn't look back.

"Why are you still standing there? Leave."

Kara, despite being late, decided to make her way to L-Corp the normal way. It wasn't an overly long walk and it was a nice day. She needed the time to get herself together too. Alex and Sam last night. The L-Corp heist this afternoon, Alex and Sam again. Snapper being on her back all day. She wouldn't bring any of that negativity into Lena's office.

Then Kara wondered if she should be bringing something into Lena's office. It was only a little bit after lunch. With the heist, that Kara wasn't supposed to know about, it was doubtful Lena had eaten anything. Maybe she should call Jess and ask. It would be weird if she brought food but Lena had eaten, but it was really likely that she hadn't.

 _"Thank you for calling L-Corp. You've reached Ms. Luthor's office. How may I help you?"_

"Hi Jess. It's Kara Danvers. I'm on my way over for that exclusive Lena wanted to give CatCo, well me I guess but anyways, I was wondering if she's had lunch? I saw about that break-in on the local news and I know how she gets. Since I'm already out, I can pick something up for her."

 _"That's very kind of you, Ms. Danvers."_

"Please, call me Kara." She interrupted. It was a nice gesture but Kara couldn't stand to be so formal. Especially not when she saw Jess weekly. If not almost daily.

 _"Okay then, Kara. You're right. She hasn't eaten anything. I was actually just debating if I should have something ordered but if you could pick something up that would be great. She'd appreciate it more if it came from you anyways."_

"She would?" Kara stopped walking and looked around at her options. Noonan's was too far to walk at that point. There was a Chinese place across the street and a deli further up. She didn't think Lena would want either of those.

 _"Of course, she would. You're her friend. And, between us, not many people make that effort for Ms. Luthor. You make her day when you stop by to see her. Don't tell her I told you that."_ Jess rushed, covering her tracks after maybe saying too much. It made Kara chuckle.

"Your secret is safe with me. Do you know what she'd want? We had Chinese last time I was there for lunch and the only other place on my way is a deli. Somehow I doubt Lena would want a hoagie."

 _"Not at work, no."_ There was silence over the line as Jess thought. Kara looking around as she started walking again. _"There is a ramen place three blocks past L-Corp, you're coming from CatCo right? Ms. Luthor really likes their beef and broccoli bowl._ "

"Perfect. Could you let her know that I'm on my way and sorry for the wait?"

 _"Yes. See you when you get here, Kara. Thank you, by the way. Ms. Luthor is in a mood after what happened today. I think that might be part of the reason she agreed to the exclusive if you did it."_ A pause then Jess was spewing rapid words again. _"I should not have told you that. Please don't say anything."_

"I won't Jess. Don't worry." Kara chuckled. Lena's assistant was the epitome of professional, the only one more so was Lena, but lately she reverted between formal and informal so easily with Kara. It was amusing to watch. "See you soon."

One Stop Ramen Shop was easy to find with their bright red awning and the stereotypical, large chopstick font that spelled out their name on one of their front windows. It was a quick wait, being too late for lunch but too early for dinner. Kara ordered two of Lena's favorite despite having had lunch with Sam earlier. A little fuel up after the heist wouldn't hurt.

She waved at Jess once the elevator doors opened. The assistant was on the phone but motioned for her to go right in. Having instant access to Lena's office wasn't new and the novelty of it had worn off a few weeks ago but Kara still reminded herself often that it was a big deal. None of the security guards on the main level gave her a second look anymore, many of them greeted her by name and with a warm smile; if Lena wasn't in the middle of a meeting, then Kara wasn't even shown in. She simply walked in. Almost like she owned the place. Kara knew she shouldn't take that for granted.

"Kara!" Lena smiled, she had looked up as her door opened and was now smiling brightly. Kara could see the stress though. She had leaned back with her greeting but Kara didn't miss the way Lena was hunched over her desk or the frown on her face. "I'm glad you agreed to the interview."

"I'm glad you asked for me!" Kara held up the bag in her hand. "I brought lunch."

"How do you always know, Kara Danvers?" Lena shook her head with the same smile. It hadn't faltered. She was relaxed in her chair, not even standing with Kara's entrance. The level of comfort between them has risen and Kara loved it.

"I saw the break-in on the news and I know you don't eat when you get stressed. How about we have lunch then get to the interview?"

"Sounds lovely."

Lena joined Kara on the couch as she started pulling out the contents from the bag. She placed a glass of water in front of Kara, her own glass filled with what looked like tea. It was too early in the day for Lena to indulge in wine or whiskey. Having her experiences with Alex, Kara had awkwardly asked her about it one meeting and Lena explained. Never a drink during normal business hours. Not unless she had a real good reason.

"Again. How do you know Kara Danvers?" Lena asked, surprised when Kara handed her the bowl of ramen.

"Well…I may have had some help. I called Jess but don't be mad at her!" Kara gave Lena puppy eyes. Not even a conscious decision. They just happened. More evidence to their comfort with each other. "I asked, she didn't just tell me."

"Traitor." Lena joked.

Kara laughed. She dug into her ramen. That superheroing early left her hungrier than she thought. Another reason she was grateful to see Lena. Second lunch. "I'm not gonna ask how your day is since that's probably what you want to talk about so how have you been? Before this afternoon."

"Before this afternoon, I was doing well. Last night there was a special on environmental biotechnology. It was really interesting and gave me a few ideas for L-Corps next big project. Off the record," Lena eyed Kara playfully, "I think we are going to look into alternative fuels. National City's air pollution isn't as bad as other major cities but it could definitely be better.

"And then this morning, actually, I ran into your sister."

"My sister? Which one?" Kara asked without thinking. Immediately her mind went to Sam. Having her back put her to the forefront of her mind, her focus.

"You have more than one?" Lena asked back. Curious as to what Kara said as well as how she said it, Kara was sure. It was like she blurted it. A little jumpy about it.

"Uh, yea. A little sister."

"I did not know that. Is she adopted as well?"

"No." Kara shook her head. "She's three years younger than me but she's an actual Danvers."

"You're an actual Danvers too, Kara." Lena had set her bowl on the table and placed her hand on Kara's knee. She hadn't realized the way her voice softened, self-conscience, as she said Sam was fully a Danvers. Lena looked at her with concern and understanding. It made Kara smile, feeling better without Lena having to do much. "I may choose to distance myself from the Luthors but that doesn't mean you can't be a Danvers through and through."

"I know. I didn't really mean it like that, not really." Kara deflected. There was nothing anyone could do about that particular self-conscience thought. She _was_ a Danvers but not like Alex or Sam. It wasn't a big difference and most of the time Kara never thought about it. She hadn't even noticed she was thinking about it just then. "Where did you see Alex?"

"Right outside my office." The moment was over. Lena straightened up with her lunch, crossing her legs and continuing their conversation the same as before. "She said she was picking up breakfast for her girlfriend. I may have mentioned that you told me she was gay. I hope that's okay?"

"Yea, that's fine. Alex isn't exactly shouting it from the rooftops but she isn't hiding it either."

"A sentiment I can relate to." Lena placed her now empty bowl back on the table. She settled in, resting her arm along the back on the couch, facing Kara more. "Whenever you're ready we can get started. No rush though." She added as Kara's eyes widened mid-bite.

It wasn't often that Kara was the one left still eating but she always took her time around Lena. The last thing she needed was to spill something on herself. Or, Rao forbid, she look more like a blubbering fool. Once done, she set her bowl next to Lena's and rummaged through her bag for pen and paper. She flashed Lena a smile. It was still exciting to be able to do the job of a reporter. Kara loved it.

"Alright! Let's get started."


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Sorry for the delay in posting. My drunk ass slept weird on St. Patty's day and had a really stiff neck yesterday and had some work stuff to take care of. Anyways, I got a question about why Sam went to NC. It is mentioned slightly in the first chapter and in her post-arrest talk with Alex in the car. She felt like there weren't any other options for her. NC would have more opportunities being a major city. Sam doesn't have much of a plan because she never really felt like she would accomplish much because she thought that's how her family felt. She believed she'd be a soldier for life. Then she sulked and now, she's trying to figure it out. It's like Sam is in mourning over losing her career and then it's compacted with her overwhelming reunion with her sisters. Thanks for reading everyone!**

Alex paced the length of her apartment. Kitchen to bedroom. Bedroom to kitchen. A straight line that bypassed the couch where Maggie was sitting and watching her. Sam should've been back. The incident on Park was hours ago. She should be back by now. Her experiences with the DEO and, more recently, with Supergirl had bizarre and terrifying scenarios playing out in Alex's mind.

"I don't even know where she would go." Alex started again. Her previous rant had ended for a few minutes but now it was back. Maggie sat patiently letting her get it all out. "It's not like she knows National City well. What if she's lost or something?"

"Then she'd call you. Calm down, Alex. She's okay."

"We don't know that. Then, there's the possibility that she's going to get herself in trouble. S-she always does and I mean, this is National City. There's plenty of trouble for her to get into."

"Again, you'd get a call. Come sit down and relax. She'll come back."

Alex stopped in front of the couch and looked down at Maggie. Her shoulders slumped. "What if she doesn't?"

Maggie sighed. "Al, she just needs some time. It'll be okay. She'll come back."

"I shouldn't have yelled at her." Maggie took Alex's hand and tugged on it until she sat down with her, sliding down to rest her head on Maggie's shoulder.

"Why did you?"

"Because I wasn't expecting her to be there and then that guy, Maggie, he had a gun in my sister's face. My non-bulletproof sister's face."

"That doesn't explain why you yelled."

"Yes, it does." Alex said, sitting up. She was getting upset again because Sam wasn't home and it was her fault, and now Maggie was pushing her into a conversation she didn't want to have. "She shouldn't have been there and because she was, she was in danger."

Maggie shifted to face Alex, shifting further from Alex. "I'm not the bad guy here so don't get upset with me."

She was right. The same thing was happening now that happened earlier. Alex was overwhelmed and worried so she lashed out. First at Sam and now at Maggie. Her nerves were frayed and everything seemed like an attack, like she was failing someone, somehow at every turn. Nothing was in her control like it was supposed to be.

"I know you're worried about Sam but is there something else? You've been one word away from snapping at everyone all day." Maggie's tone dulled a bit, losing some of the defensiveness from before but she was still expecting a fight from Alex. It hurt Alex's heart because that was the last thing she wanted right then.

"That's it. I'm worried and I have no control over anything and I feel like no matter what I do, I'm upsetting someone."

"I understand that, Al, but you can't take it out on me. Okay?" Alex nodded. "And the only way you could ever let me down is if you shut me out."

"I don't mean to."

"I know. We're both working on it." Maggie smiled with soft eyes. Understanding. "Let's try again, okay? Why'd you yell at her?"

"Because I was scared and worried and it came out like that."

"Can I ask another question?"

"You can always ask me anything, Maggie. I'm sorry for snapping at you. I don't want you to think you can't now."

"I know and I forgive you, you're stressed but that's why I wanna talk this out with you. You aren't going to like this question though."

"Ask it."

"You never yell at Kara when something happens like that. Maybe later but not right away and not often. You're always quick to make sure she's okay and then double check that she is. It sounds like you just laid into Sam."

"That's not a question, Maggie." Lead was settling into Alex's limbs. She hated that it was so blatant for others to see the difference in how she treated her siblings. It was maybe her biggest flaw.

"Why is there a difference?"

There wasn't an easy answer to that. It was a combination of things. The three sisters talked about some of them the night before but there were others too. Her father's last request, Kara's helplessness despite her powers, especially when she first came to Earth. Then there was Sam's refusal to let anyone close to her anymore. Kara being new to their family. That in and of itself has had Alex making sure Kara was taken care of for years, that she was happy and settled in.

"You don't have to tell me." Maggie said after giving Alex time to think. "It's not important that I know but it's important that you know. Whatever it is, Sam knows it too, or at least, she knows that there's a difference and I'd bet that's why she's so…"

Maggie trailed off looking for the right word. Alex provided it for her; a couple of them. "Aggressive, argumentative, rude?"

"Among other things, yea."

"It's because–"

"You don't have to tell me." Maggie interrupted. Alex gave her a smile.

"I want to. It's a lot of what we talked about earlier.

"I used to be like I am with Kara with Sam too but then she made it really hard to be. Our normal turned into fighting with each other or being mad at each other. That's one reason. Then, of course, there's my dad telling me to take care of Kara. I got so obsessed with it, I know that but I don't know."

"It made you feel close to your dad when he wasn't around. I get it."

"Yea, I guess. Then, Kara being adopted. That's a whole other level of making sure she was doing alright. I think even without her being Kryptonian Sam would still feel that shift in focus."

"So, what are you going to do about it?"

"I'm going to try and be better but that isn't going to happen over night. We're both too stubborn for it to be a quick fix."

"I think the effort will go a long way." Alex nodded to what was being said to her. The effort would need to be enough until she could get being Sam's attentive and caring sister nailed down again. Sam would have to try too. Alex refused to be the only one.

Maggie tipped her head toward the blank TV screen. "How about we watch some nerdy documentary until we hear from Sam?"

"That'd be nice. You can pick."

"If I pick, we're not watching a documentary. You might want to rethink that."

"Let me rephrase that." Alex laughed, watching Maggie get up to flip the TV on and grab the remote. She sank back down next to Alex and held her arm out, waiting for Alex to snuggle in. She did so gladly. "You can pick…the documentary. You were the one to suggest it so don't think you'll get out of it so easily!"

"Yea, fine, Danvers. You're lucky you're cute when you nerd out otherwise this would _never_ happen."

They settled on a technology documentary; Alex was surprised. Maggie may be science division, and she was extremely well versed on the broad subject, but she wasn't overly found of it. She never went out of her way to pursue science or keep up with it. A few dates in, Maggie admitted that she agreed to head the division because it gave her a chance to help the aliens of National City better.

The film was interesting. A foray into the past, present, and future of the internet and, mostly, how it affects humans and their interactions but Alex could barely focus on it. No matter how hard she tried. With each lull or transition, she was checking her phone; firing off a text to Kara asking about Sam, texting Sam, looking for responses.

"You're not watching." Maggie said quietly, close to her ear from their position against each other.

"I'm sorry. I'm trying, I promise but it's getting late and I can't stop thinking about Sam and where she might be."

"Alright." Maggie answered, sitting up and stretching her hands above her head and making Alex's insecurities go into overdrive. This was it. The moment Maggie decided she's had enough of Alex's incessant worry and inability to shut off her mind.

Maggie stood, drawing out Alex's new worry. But then she was facing Alex and pulling her up to her feet too. "She has her phone right? I mean, I'm assuming so. No one ever goes anywhere without one. That documentary was even saying so.

"Can Winn track it? I would but I'd need to get a warrant first and she hasn't been gone long enough for NCPD to be stepping in officially."

Alex pulled Maggie into a hug. A long one. Relieved, and feeling guilty, that she was doing the exact opposite that Alex thought. Her 'thank you' must have given her thoughts away as Maggie pulled back, kissed Alex's cheek and then lingered as she asked, "When are you going to stop thinking that I'm gonna leave you every time shit hits the fan? I might start to get offended."

"Hopefully soon. I hate it."

"Me too." She pulled back and kissed Alex. "Call Winn. I'll call into the station to make sure she's not there."

"Oh god. I didn't even think of her being there again."

"I'm sure she's not. We're just going to cover our bases. Hey," Maggie turned back, phone to her ear as she waited for someone to answer, "shouldn't Kara be able to hear her or something? That's like one of her powers, right?"

"She won't do it. I already asked."

"Oh, alright. Hi." Maggie said into the phone. "This is Detective Maggie Sawyer."

Alex stopped paying attention to her girlfriend. She had her own task to complete. Winn answered after the first ring; It must be a quiet night for the Guardian.

 _"What's up, Alex?"_

"Hey, nothing. I need a favor though. Do you have a few minutes?"

 _"For you? Of course. And, I'm not just saying that because you still kind of scare me. But, we don't need to talk about my lack of backbone so what can I do for you?"_

That made Alex smile. Mostly because she knew it was true despite their friendship. "I need you to track a number."

 _"Is this DEO related? Because if it's personal, it's technically illegal to track someone's phone without their permission. I think J'onn would have my ass if he found out."_

"It's a family matter, Winn, and important."

 _"Is Kara okay?"_ He was immediately serious. All jokes forgotten and his unease tossed aside, ready to do whatever for his friend.

"Yea, sorry, Kara's fine. Different family member."

 _"Your mom?"_

Alex huffed. She wasn't sure why but she had wanted to get through this without telling Winn about Sam. Part of her argued that it was because he was Kara's friend, it was her news to tell him but there was another part that she couldn't place its argument. Maybe she didn't want to admit to someone else that she had a sister they didn't really talk about. Alex was ashamed of that implied.

"No. My sister Sam. And, yes, we have another sister. No questions right now, Winn. I don't know where she went today and she's not home. I'm worried. If I give you her number, will you track it?"

 _"Ready when you are."_

Thank you, Alex thought. Instead of saying that though she rattled off Sam's number. They sat on the phone without saying anything as they waited to pinpoint her location.

"Hey." Maggie quietly got her attention. "Nothing at the station. Winn find anything?"

"Not yet."

Maggie nodded, leaning against the dining table and kept her eyes locked with Alex's. Silent support as they continued to wait. Alex didn't like how long it was taking.

 _"She's at 7424 Goldfield St. There isn't a business name or anything coming up but that's where her phone is."_

Goldfield wasn't far from her apartment, farther than Alex liked to hear though; it was easily a twenty minute walk. She was sure it would be some bar. Sam didn't know anyone in National City so a residence was out of the question.

"Thanks Winn. I owe you one."

 _"No problem. I hope everything's okay."_

"Winn found her then?" Alex nodded, setting the phone down on the table.

"She's somewhere on Goldfield."

"Goldfield?" Maggie asked. "That's toward my place. He say where specifically?"

"No. I'm assuming a bar or something."

"There are a few down that way."

Alex moved to grab a jacket, her keys. She was working on auto pilot now. They knew where Sam was, Alex could assume the state she was in. Now they just needed to go get her. She was fine.

Maggie stopped her before she could pull her jacket all the way on. "Why don't I go get her?"

"What? Why?"

Maggie tipped her chin down and raised her eyebrows. Alex knew exactly why and so did Maggie. She was too tired, too stressed, too tense. Too likely to start something.

"Okay." Alex relented. The room seemed to deflate, not just Alex. If she went, it would just be a continuation from this afternoon. Neither of them needed that. "You're right. Just…just make sure she's okay, alright?"

"Of course, Danvers." Maggie murmured with a smile. She ran her hand down Alex's arm before gathering her own things to leave.

She had hoped Alex would agree. For starters, Alex didn't need the extra stress. The L-Corp chase was starting to bleed into her personal life. Kara was worried about Lena, Sam disappeared. The paperwork had been long and dragging on Maggie's end so she could only imagine what it was like for Alex. All that stress would turn into a fight neither of them needed.

Plus, this gave Maggie time with Baby Danvers. Their time at the station together was the extent of it but enough to realize that Sam was different when her family was around.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: So, later on when I mention the Dodgers, I actually mean the LA Dodgers and not some made up team (the other two mentioned with LA are in fact made up). It'll make sense later. As for the comment on Sam having PTSD, she doesn't. She's been deployed and in combat and stuff but nothing too crazy. There's a combo that leads to her less than composed reaction. 1. She wasn't expecting to be anywhere near a police v robber stand-off. 2. She wasn't expecting to be involved much less have 'defenseless' citizens of NC all around her. 3. With those two things and adrenaline pumping, I think no matter you're training, you'd still be shaken by it. It's one thing to be going into combat/a situation and understand that you're life is in danger and a whole other to have it just spring up at you. Thanks for reading/commenting everyone. Much appreciated! _(I re-posted this b/c I posted the unedited version the first time around. Sorry!)_**

Sam was in the third bar Maggie checked on Goldfield. She opted to go it the old fashioned way. It felt less invasive and gave her plausible deniability when Sam asked her how she found her. Maggie just checked around. No need to drag Alex into it by having her send the address or the map pinpoint.

The bar was dark. The lights coming from billiard lights above the back pool tables and a few hanging lamps. Maggie's shoes stuck with the dried beer on the floor and crunched with the peanut shells. A few people eyed her as she walked in but Sam didn't even look up.

She was staring daggers, dulled and Maggie wondered how long she'd been on that stool, at the wall behind the bar. Her hand was loose around her amber-filled glass. One foot on the stool's footrest, the other dangling. A tensed relaxed that only stress-fueled drinking brought on.

Maggie sat next to her and ordered a drink. Sam didn't seem eager to greet her so she didn't bother. Instead, she pulled her phone out to let Alex know she had Sam, she was safe, and they'd be back in a little while.

"Thanks." She smiled at the bartender as he placed her drink in front of her. She sipped and waited. The clink of glasses and ceramic snap of the pool balls filling in their lack of conversation.

The woman in the next seat may be a stranger but she was a Danvers. Alex was hard to crack but once she did, it was like a dam breaking. A fast and heavy current of emotions and thoughts that she tried to pull back in. It all always slipped through her fingers like water though, frustrating her further. Kara was the same but less explosive. She didn't let herself get to that point. Kara talked it out, relied on others. But Maggie's seen it. Once. Armed with those experiences, she would treat Sam with the same care and caution.

Maggie's phone buzzed loudly on the bar top.

 **-Is she okay?**

Maggie looked Sam over. 'Okay' may not be the best word but she wasn't physically hurt or fall down drunk. At least Maggie hoped not. Sam was taller than Alex who was taller than Maggie and really, it had been a long day that left her not wanting to haul a heavy drunk home.

 **-Wasted but more or less okay.**

 **-I think. She hasn't said anything yet**

"Which one's checking in?" Sam slurred. She didn't look at Maggie but she did drop her eyes from the wall, watching the liquid in her glass as she circled the bottom on the bar.

"Alex."

There was no reason to lie and Maggie wasn't going to tiptoe around Sam. That would only make things worse. No, they were going to have this conversation and Maggie was going to get to know her girlfriend's little sister. Maybe not as much as she would like, a drunk conversation in a bar wasn't exactly ideal, but she was going to give Sam someone and she was going to understand this situation at least a little better so she could be there for Alex.

"Surprise, surprise."

"She was worried when you didn't show back up at her apartment. It's pretty late, ya know?"

That stopped their short conversation. Sam drained her glass and moved to motion for another. Maggie was quick to stop her.

"I got the next round if you slow down a little, talk to me."

"Trying to bribe me, Detective? Isn't that against your code or some shit?"

Maggie laughed. It was sharper but Sam had the same wit Alex did. The teasing and use of titles. "A cop's code is protect and serve. Right now, I'm trying to do both."

"And how's that?"

"You're gonna tell me about you so I can better protect my girlfriend then I'll have my friend over there serve you another drink." It was a bad joke. Maggie knew it, Sam knew it but it broke the ice. Despite what she just said, she was trying her best to move from Alex's girlfriend to Maggie. Still Alex's girlfriend but not out of reach from Sam. She remembered being isolated, no one to talk to. That was probably what Sam was feeling, stranded between Alex and Kara and their city.

"Two drinks and you've got yourself a deal. And," Sam added raising a sloppy finger, swaying with the momentum of it, "I get to veto any question I want."

"You can veto three." Maggie held up three fingers in response to Sam's one still in the air. "Three strikes and that's it. What do you say, Baby Danvers, ready to let me get to know you?"

"Why the hell not?" Sam muttered. She dropped her hand and grabbed the bar to push herself around to face Maggie.

Her eyes were drooping, a little bloodshot, and she sat heavily in her chair so Maggie would keep things simple. Straight up facts that wouldn't get Sam talking more than she would want. She wasn't going to take too much advantage of the situation.

"Shoot." Sam gestured that Maggie had the floor.

"Do you really not like Kara?"

"No. I don't like what Kara did to my life. Kara's actually not that bad, she's like a puppy really. It's impossible not to like her."

Maggie was surprised at the quick honesty. Alex had her thinking that getting Sam to talk would be like pulling teeth. Maybe it was beginners luck.

"What about the army? Did you enjoy it?"

Sam shrugged and fidgeted with her hands. They seemed uncomfortably empty and Maggie was uncomfortable with that realization. The Danvers Crinkle wasn't the only genetic trait between the sisters it was seeming like. "I was good at it and I didn't really have any other options so I guess I did. Wait, I take that back. Many, _many_ people would tell you that I was a horrible soldier and they were right. I wasn't good at the whole orders thing but I was good in the field. I could mostly follow orders out there."

"Why'd you get discharged?"

"Strike one."

Maggie chuckled. Her hand twitched toward her glass, habit wanting her to pick it up for a drink but she'd ignore hers until Sam had one too. "I thought you might axe that one. Alright then, uh, what are your plans now?"

"I don't know. I need to get out of Alex's, that's for sure. We'll tear each other apart if I stay much longer."

"It's been one night."

"So? You'll see, it's gonna to get worse."

"It doesn't have to though. She wants to fix things and yea, it won't be easy but I think if both of you try then you guys will be able to do it."

"Maggie. I haven't spent more than a few hours in the same place as Alex without some big fight in over a decade. I really don't think it's going to be an overnight change."

"So that's it? You aren't even going to try?"

"I didn't say that. And, ya know what? This," Sam waved around Maggie, "Alex sending you here is a little fucked up. I'm not the one who freaked out earlier." Her voice was climbing and her words were running together. Maggie needed to move them along in subject. "I didn't ask for her to do that. She's–"

"Hey. Hey, hey, hey. Alex didn't send me. I came looking for you because I thought you both needed some time to cool off but she was worried and didn't like not knowing if you were okay."

Sam grumbled something but it was lost in the bar noise. Her arms were crossed and her shoulders slumped. She looked the perfect part of disgruntled teenager.

"What happened there?" Maggie pointed to a scar on Sam's chin that caught the light as she turned away. It curled up her jaw near her chin, disappeared under it. Only wide enough to be noticeable if you were looking for it. Maggie would have never saw it if Sam wasn't refusing to look at her.

"I fell when I was little."

"Doing what?" Maggie was losing whatever truce or agreement they had. Sam was crawling back into herself. Promised drinks be damned. Now, it was going to take a series of innocent, pointless questions, to get her trust back.

"I wanted to walk on top of the monkey bars and Alex said I couldn't so I did. I lost my footing and banged my chin on the way down."

"Sounds gnarly. How many stitches?"

"Seven."

"Anything else happen?"

"Broke my arm."

Maggie nodded. It was going to take more than probing Sam for information to get her back. Luckily, she had a story to match.

"When I was eleven, back home in Nebraska, we had this tall pine tree. The kind with the even branches that were low enough for my tiny self to reach. Well, a friend and I decided that we wanted to climb to the top and see how far we could see from up there.

"Going up was easy. Coming back down? Not so much. Turns out, I'm not a big fan of heights." Maggie laughed at herself. She thought she was fearless when she was little. She had never been that high up before though. "My friend made it down fine and I got a few feet before I froze up. My dad had to come up and get me but the higher branches couldn't hold him so I had to go down a bit more on my own."

She kept her attention away from Sam as she spoke. Taking a drink despite her earlier hesitance and looking around the bar. Maggie glanced at her, flashed a smile when she saw she had her rapt attention. Then she looked away again. Sam wanted the attention shifted. Maggie would give that to her for a few more moments, give her a sense of security.

"I slipped above him and caught myself on a branch. When I reached out to grab it, I sliced my palm pretty good." Maggie lifted her hand to show Sam the scar. It was faint now, just a thread that passed through her palm lines. "Eleven stitches. Eleven when I was eleven. It's been my lucky number ever since."

"That's morbid."

"Never said it wasn't." Maggie tipped her head toward Sam as she took another drink. "How about I buy you that first drink and we keep this question game going?"

Sam nodded but they didn't start up until her order was filled. She took a long drink, her brow furrowing was the only reaction to it. Maggie was impressed. Alex was the only other person she knew who could handle her liquor without reaction.

"What's the next question then?"

"What's your favorite color?"

Sam's face crinkled in confusion. "Excuse me?"

"Your favorite color. What is it?"

"Orange."

"Mine's green."

"Awesome." Sam rolled her eyes, turning back to her drink and sipping it. Maggie smiled. This was going to work. Sarcasm was a form of trust. If Sam wanted her to stop asking, she wouldn't revert to humor. Sam would simply stop talking to her. Alex had implied as much.

"Who is your favorite superhero?"

Sam looked at her like she was stupid. Really, though, it was an odd question. Maggie knew that but wanted to know what she would say. Comic book hero or a real one. She was ready to hear Batman or the Green Lantern, maybe Wonder Woman but Sam surprised her again. Easy honesty. At least Maggie thought it was because there was no other reason she would make her choice.

"Supergirl."

Maggie glossed over it with as little reaction as possible. "Waffles or pancakes?"

"Either."

"You gotta pick one."

"Fine. Waffles."

"I'm more of a pancake girl. Your sister, my girlfriend, she makes phenomenal pancakes."

"Wouldn't know."

"I'll have her make you some tomorrow."

They were getting back into dangerous territory. Maggie hadn't meant to bring Alex up. It just happened. Now she was backtracking and getting Sam away from thoughts of their relationship as fast as she could. She couldn't get herself away from thoughts of Alex though.

"Scotch or bourbon? That looks like bourbon." She nodded at Sam's glass as the other woman drained it again.

"Bourbon." Another Danvers trait. Bourbon girls. Maggie briefly wondered if that's what their dad drank. She's met and drank with Eliza. She was strictly a wine woman.

"I gotta say, I lean more toward Scotch. I don't know what it is. Bourbon is good, don't get me wrong but if I have to choose, I'm going Scotch."

Maggie thought that would provide a conversation tangent but Sam stayed quiet. Next question then. Stupid ones but Maggie was getting a feel for her. The way she didn't focus too much on Maggie or how she kept her voice even and feigned indifference. Maggie had spent years in an interrogation room during different cases. She was good at reading people and Sam was an easy read. Like Alex. Maybe because of Alex.

"Have any favorite sports teams?"

"I liked the Cyclones," Sam mentioned the city's failed basketball team then turned to Maggie, thinking, "I like the Sharks too. I remember watching them and the Dodgers with Dad."

"A baseball fan, huh? We'll have to watch some games. I couldn't get Alex to watch any of the post season with me. Some football, maybe, but not baseball. My dad grew up in Texas so we're all Ranger fans."

She did it again. It was almost embarrassing how hard it was for Maggie to not bring up Alex. Again, she pushed ahead. Not that it seemed to matter. Sam had a goofy smile on her face as she pulled her chin in then grimaced at her.

"The Rangers? What a broke ass team to be a fan of."

"Hey!" Maggie laughed. "Careful now. I may not buy you that next drink if you keep hating on my team."

"Whatever. I'm sorry you have horrible taste."

" _I_ have horrible taste? You're a Sharks fan too!"

"Let me guess, the Cowboys?"

"Let's go 'Boys." Maggie lifted her glass in cheers to herself and her team. She would've brought up sports forever ago if she knew Sam would react like this.

"Overrated."

"What!? They are not. Seven Super Bowl wins and you think they're overrated? I mean, the only reason they didn't whoop the Patriots this year is because the refs screwed them!"

Sam laughed at Maggie's enthusiasm and Maggie did too. She hated most sports. Hockey and soccer were boring, NASCAR wasn't even a sport. Don't even talk to her about golf or tennis but football and baseball? As much as she could get. She had a feeling Sam and her were in the same boat.

Those sports gave her her only good memories with her dad. It's bittersweet to watch games now but it lets her feel close to her family still so Maggie watches and she obsesses.

They spent several minutes comparing teams. Which had more regular season success, post season wins. Which team was going to have a better draft day, the prospects for next year. Maggie was halfway through her next drink before another silence lulled around them.

She'd tread lightly but she had Sam back. They could get to heavier questions again. One in particular was tugging at Maggie's curiosity. "Sam, why'd you tell me all that so easily?"

"What? My sports preferences? No offense but they aren't exactly secrets."

"They aren't but from what I hear, you don't exactly talk about anything; and, you answered about Kara and the army. Why?"

Sam clammed up. She leaned closer to the bar top, pulled her drink in, one she ordered for herself; she refused to look at Maggie again. She'd answer though. Maggie was sure of it.

Time ticked by. And with it, Maggie was less and less sure. She had thought she had gotten through to Sam. Just enough to open her up. She sighed, ready to pull the question back when Sam answered.

She shrugged. "Who else am I gonna talk to?"

"It's gotta be more than that."

"Maybe it is but it doesn't really matter. I believe you owe me a second drink though."

"Coming right up." Maggie waved to the bartender. Ordering the drink and closing out her tab. She'd take her home after their drinks were finished.

They sat quietly again. Neither wanting to talk. Maggie had more questions but she'd let Sam be. She counted herself lucky for the answers she's already gotten. It had to be the alcohol.

With her drink gone, Maggie was getting restless. Time was ticking and she would have to be at work soon. She needed to get Sam home and soon but she had a feeling any attempt right then wouldn't go over well.

"You play pool?"

"Not really."

"Perfect. Let's play a round. Maybe I can finally beat a Danvers."


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Last chapter I thought I changed all of them but I missed _the very first,_ and a few others, mention of Maggie drinking a beer. She is NOT drinking. I re-posted last chapter with it fixed. My bad!**

Sam wasn't bad per say but she was worse than Maggie. Especially as her feet stumbled and she swayed when she leaned over to take her shot. All signs that she was drunk but Maggie was guessing she wasn't going to have to haul her anywhere.

She leaned on her stick as Sam squinted at the table. "So, are you going back to Alex's tonight or what?" Sam shrugged then whiffed her shot horribly. The cue ball missing everything but the green felt far side of the table. Maggie smiled as she laughed at herself. Another touch of actual personality. "What happened today at the scene?"

Another shrug.

"Technically you still have two vetos but you're answering at least one of those."

"Make your next shot and I'll answer."

And Maggie did. She gave Baby Danvers a smug smile. It wasn't a simple sink either. Alex would have been proud. "So?"

"I haven't decided if I'm going back or not."

"Oh, come on! That is not an answer!"

Sam chuckled and circled the table. Or tried to as her foot caught on the floor. The speed in which she could catch herself drunk was impressive. Maggie found herself wishing she saw Sam disarm that thief earlier at the scene. It had to have been considerably more impressive.

"I guess not but I really haven't."

"Then what happened at the scene earlier? Alex told me her side but I want to hear yours."

"Why?" Sam straightened a bit from her shot, hands still poised to take it, to look at Maggie. It wasn't a challenge, not really. An edge to it, sure but it was more defensive. Maggie has heard it before. At the precinct, from kids in custody who were used to getting the detriment of the doubt. It was sad.

"Because there are two sides to every story. _Especially_ when dealing with siblings."

"Do you have any?" Sam's voice was hopeful. Like maybe, just maybe, someone would know what she was going through. That this was normal. But it wasn't because how many families adopted aliens and one parent got forced into a secret government agency? The Danvers had a situation all their own that no one could properly relate to. Also sad.

"I don't." Maggie admitted. "I won't even pretend I know anything about what you're going through. I mean, I have my own family issues but it's different."

Sam eyed her. Nervous side eyes that she kept dragging back to the table. Finally, she straightened up and reached for her glass to take a drink. Maggie waited. She knew what was coming. She'd let Sam get her bearings, gather up some courage to ask.

"What happened?"

"If I tell you, you have to answer both my questions. Like really answer them. Deal?"

"You sure do like you're deals." Sam mumbled. She lacked the volume control to keep it under her breath thanks to her alcohol consumption.

"It's an effective way to get things done. Do we have one or not?"

"Deal."

"Alright then." Maggie took a deep breath. "Not a word to Alex, okay? She doesn't know this."

"Why not?"

"You want the story or not? This doesn't include side questions." Sam sat back against the pool table. Both hands on her stick, resting upright in front of her. Her silence was Maggie's signal to begin. "Right, so, I'm guessing you and Alex haven't talked a lot about me."

"She said you were really great. That's it."

"Awe, Danvers." Maggie smiled at the thought of her girlfriend flustered and happy, probably blushing a little from telling someone new about them.

"Are you going to tell the story or not?" Sam mimicked back at her.

"Sorry. She's just so cute." Sam mimed a gag and Maggie got her shit together. Now was not the time to swoon, she had a sibling to win over. "Anyways, I, uh, grew up in a small town in Nebraska. Middle of nowhere and all that. I was pretty much the only non-white kid in the entire town.

"My family moved up from Texas, like I said, but even in Texas, they were pretty country. Very conservative. Long, sob story, short, I came out when I was fourteen…well, I was outed when I was fourteen and my family kicked me out. I haven't talked to them since."

"Where'd you go?"

"I had an aunt who let me live with her in Lincoln. She wasn't too much older than me, didn't have a good relationship with the rest of my family because she was pretty liberal so she didn't care that I was gay. I was lucky I had her. I'm not sure what I would have done otherwise.

"Moral is, I know how it is to have a wedge driven between you and your family. I never got my parent's side of the story. I don't want that to happen to you or you sisters. so, talk to me. What happened today?"

Sam stared hard at Maggie. As hard as she could. She had drank too much. It was starting to hit her now in force. Her limbs felt heavy, her vison was slow and tilting, a step behind. Her tongue too big for her mouth. But maybe it was better this way. She could probably talk to Maggie this way.

"Alex was mad because I didn't need her."

"What? That's not true."

Wasn't it? It felt like that. Or was she mad because Sam left the apartment? What happened felt too long ago, there was no way to really know. Sam blinked once, twice. Slow and lingering.

"Yea, it was. I didn't need saving. That and she was mad I left; which, I didn't realize I was on lockdown."

"You aren't." Watching Maggie shake her head pitched Sam's mind to the side. She clenched her jaw to grasp at balance. She had never been a fan of the spinning feeling. "Nevermind. Sorry, I'm not here to justify or defend anything; I want your side of the story. Sorry, go ahead."

"Well, I left because I wanted a paper. I was going to search for a place but I don't have a laptop and I didn't want to go through Alex's stuff so I thought a newspaper would have a few places in it and I went out to get one. Then I was on my way back when all that shit was happening. I couldn't get past the police blockade so I stayed and I waited then that guy was running out and pointing a gun at that lady and then I was stepping in front of her.

"All my training kinda kicked in then, ya know? I mean, the fuck was I gonna do? Let him take me? No. I disarmed him and some agent came and took him and then Alex was there. Yelling at me. Why does she always have to yell at me? Wasn't that a good thing I did? I kept that lady from being taken hostage. And! And, I didn't get shot either. Isn't that good?"

It was like she couldn't stop her words from tumbling out. She knew she should. She wanted them to stop. This was too much. Too many emotions on display. And, she didn't even know Maggie. Someone who was on her sister's side. There would be no sympathy or understanding. Why was she doing this?

It wouldn't stop though.

"Yea, that is good. Not getting shot is really good, Sam."

"That's what I'm saying!" Sam didn't realize that she half shouted it. A few patrons turned to them but she didn't notice. Maybe for the best in her state. "Usually, when people don't get shot and don't let other people get shot, people are happy."

"I think you should tell Alex all of that when you come back with me. Well, I think you should tell her in the morning after you've gotten some sleep."

"I'm fine and, besides, she doesn't want me there." She was pouting now. Straight out pouting and Maggie laughed at her.

The alcohol was starting to press down on her eyelids and trip her tongue; Sam had an errant thought that she must have really overdone it to feel like this but then she made eye contact with some guy behind Maggie. "Hey! What're you…you got a problem!?"

She took a shambling step forward that Maggie intercepted. "Hey now. No need for that."

It wasn't hard for Maggie to stop Sam and that was worrying. As was the weight Sam let lean into her. The earlier observations of not that drunk were quickly deteriorating and Sam was much heavier than Maggie thought. Getting her out of the bar would be difficult but getting her into Alex's car and up to her apartment would be impossible. Reinforcements were needed.

But not yet. First, Maggie needed to get Sam out of the bar. The man she yelled at was eyeing her and grumbling to his buddies. Sam didn't need another fight and an NCPD detective didn't need to be wrapped up in one either.

"Come on." Maggie grunted out, more to herself, as she pulled Sam toward the door. She kept one arm around her waist and the other gripping her arm to help guide her. Sam tried to keep shouting out trash to the man, over her shoulder, but thankfully he didn't pay her any mind. Most likely thanks to Maggie's effort to get her out.

It was slow going. Sam's legs doing a quarter of the work and creating half of the problems. Her head rolled along her shoulders once they got outside. The cool air must have felt good for her. Sam's skin was burning where Maggie touched it and her face was flushed from the drinks.

Maggie leaned Sam against the brick wall of the bar, standing closer than she normally would to be there in case Sam fell forward. She grabbed her phone out but then hesitated. Which Danvers to call? Alex would want it to be here. Sam would hate that. It would destroy the fragile trust Maggie worked so hard to cultivate. Kara would be the more logical choice. Get Sam off the main road where Kara could just scoop her up and fly her home. Maggie had a feeling Sam might hate that more.

She didn't have many other options but did it have to be a Danvers who came to the rescue? She could call the PD, ask one of the on-duty officers to help her out. The DEO was out of the question. Maggie didn't feel comfortable about it either. Yea, she was given pretty much open access but she had never taken advantage of it without Alex there. Then, there was the small detail that Alex hadn't really come out to all her friends and co-workers, none of them except Kara knew that they were dating. Well, apparently Lena Luthor too but it wasn't like Maggie could call her.

Sam sliding sideways on the wall snatched Maggie's attention away from her contemplation. She grabbed Sam's shoulders to help keep her up.

"I'm fine, I'm fine. Just…keep doing the phone thing." Sam shook Maggie off and her wave at Maggie's phone took her the other way. Maggie reached out to grab her again, hanging on until she was sure that Sam was as stable and balanced as momentarily possible.

She didn't have time to think much more about this issue, Sam needed to get home. Maggie found the right contact in her phone and put it to her ear. Her free hand impatiently tapping against her leg. She kept her eyes on Sam, ready for the next drunken attempt to get better acquainted with the ground. A quick breath of relief escaped when the ringing stopped.

 _"Hello?"_

"Little Danvers, hey! I need you to come help me real quick."

 _"Is everything okay? Is it Alex? Oh my god! Sam, it's Sam, isn't it?"_

"Slow down, Kara. We're both okay. She's just…drunk and I need help getting her back to Alex's. Are you busy?"

 _"For you or Sam? Never. Where are you?"_

"On Goldfield, near 57th and Euclid. We're outside."

 _"I'll be right there."_

Neither woman bothered with parting words. It wasn't necessary. Barely five minutes later, Kara was stepping out of a side street and jogging toward Maggie and Sam.

"Oh wow." Kara said as she was close enough to gauge Sam's state. "I haven't seen her like this in a while…"

"Yea. Let's get her back to Alex's."

Along the main street, they both slung one of Sam's arms over their shoulders and helped her walk down to where Kara had come from. Kara taking most of her weight. It made the process easier and faster than when Maggie had to do it on her own.

"I can take you both. It'd be a little hard but I could." Kara began to explain as she scooped Sam up. The youngest Danvers grumbled something unintelligible. Maggie guessed she would be passed out by the time Kara got to Alex's.

"No. Thanks but no. I have Alex's car."

"Okay. See you in a few."

Maggie watched Kara take off then took a deep breath before heading to the car and Alex's. This was going to turn into something. A sister pow wow between Alex and Kara and if it didn't then Maggie would start it. Two nights and two bad decisions involving alcohol was pointing toward Sam having a problem. Granted, Maggie mused as she started up the SUV and pulled out of her parking spot, Sam has had a rough few days. Discharged, arrested, reunited with her broken family. It would be enough to drive Maggie into a bottle.

"Why didn't you text me!?" Maggie stopped short, door handle still in hand and only a step into Alex's apartment. Her girlfriend was tense. Her shoulders stiff and her hands sat stony on her hips. More fear than anger in her eyes.

Maggie turned to shut the door. Slowly. Giving both of them time to take a breath. Maggie to remind herself that this wasn't about her. Alex, hopefully, to realize the same thing.

"Because," Maggie started. She walked closer to Alex and stopped a step in front of her. Kara was seated on the couch, presumably with Sam lying across it. "I didn't realize how drunk she was until we were leaving and I thought Kara could get her here faster. It slipped my mind to let you know what was going on."

Alex deflated and she closed her eyes. A deep frown on her face. "I'm sorry." She mumbled. "I really am. We _just_ talked about this before you left."

"Don't worry about it. Not tonight." Maggie ran her hands up and down Alex's arms a few times before moving toward the couch. Kara sat with Sam's head in her lap. A glass of water and a bottle of pain killers on the coffee table. "How is she?"

"Passed out." Kara turned her worried eyes up to the women standing beside her. "Should we be worried?"

Alex shook her head and started, Maggie assumed, to deny it but she interrupted. "I think maybe you guys should be."

"Did something happen?" Alex asked.

"Not really but she drinks like you do." Maggie looked at Alex apologetically. Alex didn't have a problem as much as she was on the road to having one. It seemed like Sam was on that same road but a little further down it. "I think you guys should keep an eye on it."

"She's going to love that." Kara replied, looking down at Sam. She had one hand on her shoulder and the other curling with the side of her head.

Alex looked down at them. A twinge in her chest at the sight. She walked around Maggie and knelt beside them both. She took Kara's hand and rested her other on Sam's arm. She wouldn't let Sam do this to herself, or their family. They were working on it and she would help Sam work on this. Even if it would make things harder.

"We'll help her through it."

"She's going to be so mad though." Kara argued. "Sam hates being told what to do."

"We aren't going to tell her what to do. Right now, we're going to pay attention and see if Maggie is right." Alex's eyes reached up to Maggie's who smiled at her, keeping out of their moment but still offering her support. "If it is, and we both know it probably is, then we'll talk with her. Make sure Sam knows that we just want to help."

"Okay." Kara said quietly, a little sad. Alex's eternal optimistic sunshine was worried about their chances of getting Sam back. It scared her a little too but they needed to do it.

"Come on." Alex gently helped Kara out from under Sam. She hugged her tight. "Now go home, get some rest and we'll see what happens tomorrow."

"It'll all work out, Little Danvers." Maggie offered.

They both walked Kara to the door. After it was shut, Alex turned to Maggie who still had her jacket and shoes on. The prospect of her leaving made the weight on Alex's shoulders feel heavier. She wanted Maggie with her. The day had been one stressor after the next and she just wanted Maggie.

"Work?" Maggie nodded. "You can't stay a little bit longer?"

"No. I'm already going to be late as is."

"I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing." Maggie said as she pulled Alex close to her, their noses brushing. Maggie leaned forward and to the side. Kissing her cheek. "I'm the one who said I'd go get her." Another kiss to her other cheek. "I'm the one who stayed there as long as we did." Then Maggie kissed Alex's lips gently and softly and it made Alex want to cry because it was so perfect and what she needed and she just really, really wanted Maggie to stay.

A sigh that sounded as disappointed as Alex felt escaped Maggie. "I'm also the one who needs to get to work." She pulled away with a smile. "I'll call and check up on her in the morning."

"One more day after this, right?"

"Right."

"God. I can't wait." Alex kissed Maggie again. "Be safe."

She stepped away after that. Alex wasn't sure she'd be able to let Maggie go if she didn't. "Always, Danvers." Then Maggie was gone and Alex was alone with her thoughts and her passed out sister. What a fucking day, Alex thought.


	11. Chapter 11

Sam woke up in worse shape than the morning before. The light was not only unreal but unbearable. It felt like someone was taking a baseball bat to her temples with every bleary blink awake.

"Morning." Sam grunted in response. She let her head drop to the side of the couch to see Alex, sitting at her dining room table with a newspaper spread in front of her and a coffee cup in hand. Immediately she regretted moving so much. Her head clenched and her stomach flipped.

Alex kept going like she wasn't aware what state Sam was in. "I spoke with Kara this morning. I don't know what your plans are but she can get you a job at CatCo."

"How'd I get home last night?"

"Kara." Alex turned to look at Sam. "Do you want the job or not?"

"It's a little early for this isn't it? The amount of in the mood I am for this is zero."

"You're in the mood to be an ass so no, it's not too early to talk about employment."

Sam ground her teeth. At Alex and at the way her body reacted to her sitting up. She really wasn't in the mood to get into it with her sister. The thought of yelling made her want to throw up. "Fine. Doing what?"

"Running mail."

"I'd work in the mailroom. Really?"

"Sam." Alex sighed. "It doesn't have to be a fulltime job but you do need a job. I suggest you take this one. It's practically gift wrapped."

"Fine."

"Wait. Fine? That's it?"

Sam would've laughed at Alex's surprise if that also didn't make her want to throw up. Alex was obviously expecting a fight or a refusal. She eyed Sam and Sam must have looked as bad as she felt if her expression was anything to go by.

"You're not just saying that so I stop talking, right?"

Sam did laughed at that. "As much as I want you to stop talking, no. I do need a job and Kara made it all easier for me so why the hell not."

"Oh."

"Yea. I'm going to go shower." Sam swayed as she stood up. Her vision pitching and blotching. She groaned and brought a hand up to rub across her eyes then simply hold her head. "Unless you need to."

"I already took one. You're fine." Sam heard a page turn, Alex's mug being placed on the table. "I probably won't be here when you get out. Make sure you call Kara and tell her you'll take the job."

Sam grunted and walked away, hand still at her eyes but she cracked her fingers apart to see where she was going. With the shower steaming up the bathroom, Sam looked in the mirror. She definitely looked as bad as she felt. Worse even thanks to her black eye. More like a black temple and cheek that crawled above and under her eye. It was a bluish-purple with red under it. An ugly bruise and her cut didn't look much better. It throbbed along with her head.

It was too much. The visual of how she felt. The hangover, the fight and resulting arrest. Sam didn't like feeling like a failure and standing there, looking at herself, a failure might have been the most positive thing she felt.

Today's shower lasted until the water ran cold. Even then, Sam lingered as long as she could. The hiss of the water, the steady beat of it on her skin. The monotony kept her mind blissfully blank and she would have liked to keep it that way. The fogged up mirror was ignored as Sam dried off and grabbed her clothes off the counter. Her eyes trained on the floor and then her hands as she looped and buckled her belt.

Alex was gone like she said she would be. In her place was a large glass of water, a few pills, and a note. Sam ignored the paper as she threw back the pills and chugged the water. Her stomach sloshing uneasily with its new contents. She stood dead still with her eyes closed as she determined whether she was going to be sick or not.

 _Sam – We should probably talk about yesterday. Nothing too heavy, don't worry. Focus on getting that job squared away. I'll be home around 7 with dinner. Alex._

She had been avoiding thinking about yesterday and what all happened, figuring out if she remembered everything. It seemed like she should now instead of putting off until later when Alex was asking about it.

The guy with the gun was easy. That Sam remembered in detail. She swore she could still feel the too warm handle of the gun and how tight her grip was around it. Her hand flexed subconsciously. After that it got fuzzy but it was all there. Wandering the streets of National City until she found that bar, drinking in icy silence, and then Maggie showing up.

Sam cringed at the thought of their conversation. Too much. She told Maggie way too much. A little voice in the back of her mind told Sam she didn't really give up anything of substance but Sam didn't listen. There were a few things she remembered that she wished had stayed unspoken.

Instead of dwelling, Sam swiped her phone off the charger, she definitely hadn't put it there, and called Kara. She was sure it was going to go to voicemail but as she got her thoughts together to leave one, Kara picked up.

 _"Hey Sam! Morning!"_

"Morning." Sam grimaced at Kara's chipper tone. It seemed shrill at the moment. "Alex said I should call you."

 _"Did she tell you about the job?"_ Sam confirmed. _"Great! So, it's as a mail jockey here at CatCo. It isn't anything special but the pay is pretty good and I can get you on the top floors. I work on the very top! It'll be like we work together without working together."_

"Okay."

 _"Okay? You'll take it?"_ The smile on Kara's face was clear in her voice. Sam could imagine how bright and slightly dopey it was. It made her smile as well.

"Yea, I'll take it. It's better than doing nothing all day."

 _"Yay! I think you'll like it. CatCo is a pretty great place to work. Hang on."_

Sam listened as Kara's voice got farther away and her words became a garbled mess over the line. She made her way over to the kitchen, putting Kara on speaker and setting the phone on the counter.

When Alex said there wasn't much in her kitchen, she wasn't lying. A carton of orange juice, a couple of eggs, beer, some errant condiments and take out containers were it. Not even any cheese or lunch meat. That sent Sam searching the cabinet and pantry. There was nothing promising anywhere else. She started to worry about what that said about her sister's life but it didn't get very far. Kara was back on rambling apologies.

 _"Sam? Still there? I am_ so _sorry. One of our editors was having trouble and they needed Ms. Grant's old admin login. No one else knew it."_

"No worries."

 _"Where were we?"_

"CatCo's a great place to work."

 _"Right! It really is! Let me make a few calls and talk to some people and then I'll call you back. Okay? We should be able to get you in today or tomorrow for an orientation then you can start!"_

"I don't need like a resume or something?"

 _"No. I know a lot of people here and they're looking to fill the position ASAP."_

"Alright." Sam shrugged. She wasn't going to complain about blowing through the paperwork bullshit of job applying. "I'll talk to you later then."

 _"Yep! Bye Sam, love you."_

"Yea. Bye." She answered awkwardly and hung up quickly. She was really not ready for all of that yet.

The call from Kara came a few hours later. Then Sam found herself at CatCo staring up at the building. She was nervous. This would be her first job outside of the military. Ever. She was really hoping she wasn't going to fuck it up. There was a nagging feeling that she would regardless of her hopes.

One of the mail foremen led her around. A tall, bearded man with a shiny bald head. It caught the lights they walked under and Sam found herself paying more attention to the glare than what he was saying. At least until he opened a door that seemed to unleash some beast from hell. She flinched at the unexpected sound.

"Alright." The foreman yelled over the loud din of whirring and engine rumble. Sam leaned closer to hear him. "You won't be down here but we always show you the whole thing. This," he swept a hand at the basement floor of CatCo, "is the delivery floor. All of CatCo's mail comes here and the machines sort it. You ain't allowed to be on the floor unless you're supervised. Safety risk."

The foreman, John, nodded back the way they came and Sam followed him out. The relative silence of the outside hallway was a great relief. She was sure she had been going deaf on the delivery floor. It was amazing people worked in there daily and still had their hearing.

John started walking and talking. "You'll be responsible for floors 38 through 42. Lucky but unlucky at the same time."

"Why's that?"

"Well, those are the top floors. All the big wigs are up there. That means you'll be brushing elbows with CatCo's elite."

"I'm guessing that's the lucky part?" Sam wasn't sure she agreed with the guy but she wasn't going to start that debate. She didn't care enough.

"Both." He answered simply. "Lucky because they're the big names. You'll be working close to the great minds behind CatCo Media. That's gotta be worth something, even to a cynic like you." He looked her up and down as if gauging just how cynical she was. The bored look she gave him probably didn't help her case.

"But that's also the unlucky part. You mess up and the big names won't be happy. Our mail jockeys for the top floors have the shortest careers with CatCo. How'd you get assigned that anyways? It usually takes more than a recommendation."

"I must have wowed them in my interview."

"You didn't have an interview. I got your notes right here." He lifted the clipboard in his hands. "You've got connections up there, don't you? It's alright. You don't gotta tell me. Most don't like to let it spill that they got the job because of some outside source. Let me tell you, kid; take the help where you can get it. There ain't no shame in that."

They stopped in a large room. There were people rushing behind a long counter, people rushing to stack bundles of mail on carts on the other side of the counter. In short, there were people rushing everywhere.

"Right now, we've got Tony," John pointed out a younger guy with an obnoxiously colored plaid shirt and white slacks out, "covering the top floors along with his. You're gonna shadow him for the day, get a feel for how we do things. But before that, this is the mail center. You'll pick up your mail, already sorted by floor, and load your cart. After that, you'll deliver it.

"Sounds easy and it mostly is but you aren't just a mail jockey. This job is half socializing. Talk it up with the employees, get to know them."

Sam would've liked to say that sounded horrible but she really didn't mind people that much. Only when they were idiotic. Or her family. Anyone else was fine. She could schmooze with the best of them if she wanted. At least she used to be able to. It had been a long time since she was around anyone who wasn't aware of her past and mistakes. She corrected herself: she could schmooze with the best of them when she was ten…

"All mail distribution needs to be done by noon. Then, you'll make two rounds of pick-ups. One at two and another at five."

"What do I do in between?"

"You get your lunch after you drop your cart back down here. We give you until two since you're on your feet all day. HR realized a couple years ago that it keeps their mail jockeys around longer. Then, it takes you pretty much until five for your first round of pick-up."

"It takes three hours to pick up mail?"

"Yea." John nodded. He leaned on the wall behind him with his arms crossed. "Well, almost. You also get a pager. Anytime it beeps, someone needs an urgent delivery or pick-up. That keeps you pretty busy. Especially when working for a news outlet."

"What time do I need to be here in the morning?"

"Eight. Our biggest load is always first thing in the morning and, like I said, those urgent calls take up a lot of the morning too. It is overwhelming at first but once you get into a groove, I think you'll like it. Going from military to a desk would drive anyone crazy. This keeps you moving.

"Tony!" He bellowed out. The slight, obnoxiously dressed man's head popped up at his name and he made his way over quickly. "Tony, this is Sam. The new jockey we told you about."

"Right. Hey." He was cool toward Sam. His eyes narrowed a touch more than Sam would've liked and he stared openly and judgmentally at her eye. She immediately didn't like him. Not even because of his stupidly colored shirt. She gave him a tight-lipped smile and nod as a greeting.

"She's with you for the rest of the day so show her the ropes, get her all set for tomorrow. You know the drill, man."

"Got it, John."

John looked back to Sam with a warm smile. "It was nice to meet you, Sam. I hope CatCo is the right fit for you."

"Thank you."

Tony barely waited for her to turn back towards him before he walked back toward his cart. Silently, he started loading up again. Sam stood awkwardly and watched.

"Feel free to help." It wasn't snapped at her but it wasn't politely asked either. "Each bundle is labeled by floor and each floor has a bin in the cart. I usually put them in order by who I pass first but don't worry about it. You won't know so just put it in the right bin."

He was right. That was a completely true statement but the way he said it grinded Sam's gears. The condescending tone was a little much. But she ignored it because she needed a job and she was trying to stop looking for trouble. As pointed out by her sisters. The last thing any of them needed was a workplace brawl on her first day. The thought of how ridiculous that would be made Sam chuckle to herself as she set to helping Tony sort.

"You'll want to dress nice but comfortably while at work. CatCo is a media outlet so fashion is a thing here but you're also constantly moving. You'll want to be comfortable." Tony advised. Still like he was lecturing a first grader. "Also, and I'm sure John mentioned it, you _need_ to get to know the people you deliver to. Workplace chemistry is important at CatCo. And," he looked up and directly at Sam's blackeye, not at her, "you'll want to avoid doing whatever got you _that_."


	12. Chapter 12

Sam collapsed onto the couch at Alex's. The day had been long. Only half of what she was expected to do on a normal day as CatCo's top floor mail jockey and it was already more than a lot but that wasn't what made it long. Tony and his tone was. Sam exhausted herself with the effort it took to not say or do anything aggressive towards him. She glanced at the clock and saw that it was after seven. Alex should be home.

It didn't worry her though. According to Alex, she was a government field agent. Sam doubted that her hours were always as cut and dry as a nine to five job. She let her head drop to the back of the couch and simply let the quiet of the apartment take over.

Quiet that was short lived. A tapping at Alex's window made Sam groan. She picked her head up and saw Kara, well Supergirl, floating outside. She beamed and waved at Sam.

"Can I help you, Supergirl?" Sam asked once she pushed the window up and open. Kara shooed her aside and crawled in.

"Alex sent me. She got caught at work and thought you guys could have dinner there."

"You're not going to eat with us?"

"No, I gotta patrol. I'll pop in during my breaks though."

"You get breaks? What happened to the whole crime never sleeps motto?"

"Crime might not but I definitely do." Kara smiled at her joke. "And anyways, J'onn says I can't wear myself out or I'm no good to anyone. We have enough surveillance around the city that it's okay. The DEO is gets alerted almost as quickly as I do when I'm out."

"Got it."

"So, are you ready?" Kara nodded out the window and Sam stood and stared at her. There was no way…

"Ready for what?"

"To go. That's why Alex sent me instead of texting. I'll take you over."

"Oh no. No, no, no. I am not flying with you."

"Oh…okay. If you don't want to." Kara fell a bit but Sam didn't pay it any mind. Like hell she was going to let Kara fly her across the city.

"I don't."

"How are you going to get there then?"

"I'll figure it out. Really, don't worry."

"Okay. I'll, uh, I'll see you there I guess."

Kara climbed back out the window then took off. Sam watched her until she was out of sight before pulling the window closed. She pulled her phone out to text Alex.

 **-How do I get to the DEO?**

It took some time but eventually Alex texted back. Sam flipped the TV off, preparing to head out. She didn't want to waste more time. It was late and she was hungry. She wanted to get whatever argument that either she or Alex was going to start over with. Not only was it late and she was hungry but she was tired too.

 **-Why didn't you let Kara take you? This isn't somewhere you can just put in your GPS. We're a secret gov agency**

Sam rolled her eyes and typed out a quick response.

 **-Didn't want to fly with her. How do I get there?**

Alex was obviously paying attention to her phone now. Her response was quick. Sam was almost tempted to call her just to get this all over with.

 **-Old York dr and Edgemont. The tall building with all the windows.**

Sam smiled at her next question. There was a good chance Alex would freak out. Most likely, she'd call Sam to rant and yell and say a firm no. Maybe she could get this over with without actually leaving the apartment.

 **-I don't have a car (S)**

 **-That's why I sent Kara (A)**

 **-Can I take your bike? (S)**

 **-Are you kidding? (A)**

 **-Nope (S)**

Her phone buzzed with Alex's call and Sam laughed. Leave it to Alex to be predictable. She answered it after a few rings, leaving Alex longer than she would like.

"Hello?" Sam answered. Nonchalant like she had no idea why Alex would be calling her.

 _"You've got to be kidding. There is no way you would seriously ask me that question."_

"I wasn't kidding. How else would I get there?"

 _"Kara! Kara is how you were supposed to get here but you told her no."_

"Yea and now I need another option. Your bike is another option."

 _"My bike is not an option! My bike wouldn't even be there if I didn't have to bring back the SUV I took out for you."_

"Even more reason I should bring it to you. You'll need a way to get home."

 _"And how are you going to get home?_ "

Sam hadn't thought that through. She was only thinking about getting Alex to say yes, not the overall end game of the end of the night. That had Sam stuttering through a new excuse to ride her sister's super nice, super fast Ducati.

 _"Stop. Just stop."_ She heard Alex sigh through the phone. A few seconds passed. She must have been fighting with herself by the way she bit out her next words. _"Fine but I swear to god, Sam, if there is even the slightest scratch on it, we're going to have a problem. And!"_ Alex cut off Sam's celebratory assents. _"You have to let Kara fly you home."_

It wasn't a difficult deal to make. Alex letting her take her bike out was a pleasant surprise. Sam could suffer through a few minutes of flight with Kara for that.

"Fine."

 _"The key is in the bowl next to the door. I'm serious, Sam. Do not let anything happen to my bike."_ Another pause. _"Or yourself."_

"Got it. See ya soon!" Sam smiled as she hung up before Alex could fuss over her mechanical baby anymore.

Sam grabbed the key and practically skipped down the complex's garage. Alex's Ducati sat in her parking spot. All matte black and beautiful. Sam looked it over before hopping on. She doubted she'd get this opportunity again for a long, long time. Might as well enjoy it. Her smile went wide as the bike roared to life. She didn't bother with a helmet.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: So...I'm sorry. I sorta forgot to post yesterday. Not completely b/c I did remember while watching March Madness but then I forgot after the games were over. I'm debating on whether or not to double post today since I sucked yesterday. If I do, it'll be late tonight when I get home from Sunday D &D. Now that you're all aware of how I spend my days, just be on the look out for another chapter. That's mostly what I was trying to say. Thanks again for reading and all the comments and favorites/follows. **

Traffic was heavy for how late it was. Eight at night and it looked like rush hour. In a car Sam would have been annoyed. On a bike? Sam was in heaven. She cut in and out of traffic, going in between cars when things went to a standstill. She got a few honks for her efforts, some words yelled but Sam didn't care. It felt like she was getting some control over herself back.

As she got closer to the intersection Alex gave her, the traffic thinned out. It was in the industrial district of National City. A few warehouses were in the area but mostly buildings and skyscrapers. That surprised Sam. She would have thought secret government agencies would set up camp in the middle of nowhere or underground, not in plain sight. The building was a little flashy too with all the one-way windows. Sam stared up at it with Alex's helmet hanging from her hand at her side.

It was daunting. There was no way to know what was waiting on the other side of those doors. If Sam would be allowed to walk right in or what entrance protocol there was. Did she have to check in? Was Alex waiting for her or would she have to go find her sister? She found herself wishing that Kara was there. Kara would make sure that Sam found her way to Alex without too much fuss or confusion. Sam shook the wish away and strode into the building with a stubborn upturn of her chin and lift to a brow. She was Sam Danvers and she didn't let anyone give her shit; she'd be damned if she gave a stupid building the satisfaction.

There was a guard, or an agent Sam guessed was the more appropriate title, at a desk to the side of the main door. A set of stairs blocked any sight further in. A smart tactic to keep a government agency secret without seeming like that was their goal.

"Name and reason for your visit?" The agent asked politely. He smiled at her and Sam had to hand it to the DEO. She already felt more at ease and like she was in a doctor's waiting room or any other, normal, reception desk.

"Sam Danvers. I'm here to see my sister Alex. Danvers." Sam added and wanted to cringe at herself. Maybe she wouldn't let the building make her feel awkward but talking to the DEO's receptionist wasn't giving her a choice. She pulled herself up a little straighter and set her features into the best indifferent bitch face she could manage.

"Alright, Sam." He said slowly as he typed in her information. "I'm going to need an ID then we'll let you go on through to Agent Danvers."

She handed over her ID and tried not to fidget as she waited. The man took several seconds to look from her ID to her. Once he was satisfied, and Sam stopped resisting and tapped Alex's helmet against her leg, he began typing again.

"Date of birth?"

"What?" The question caught her off guard. She had stopped paying attention and then hadn't expected it. She really felt like she was at a doctor's office now.

"What's your birthday?" He asked, flashing another smile as he looked up from his screen. "We ask a few questions to check it's really you before we let you back. Just basic background questions from your ID."

Sam nodded. "9/5/95."

"Height and weight?"

"Really?" Sam was starting to get annoyed. The birth date was whatever, precautions and all that but her height and weight? That was stupid. The man nodded with a shrug like he knew how ridiculous it was. "5'9. 161."

"Is the address on here current?"

"No." She let just how done she was with this little questionnaire seep into the single word.

"What's your current then?"

"Look, I just want to see my sister. She's the one who invited me to come so how about you stop asking me stupid ass questions and just call her down here. She'll say I'm me."

He placed her ID down on the desk beside his mouse pad and leaned forward on his elbows. An apologetic smile on his face. Before it helped the edge of unease Sam felt but now she wanted to wipe it off him. It was grating and starting to feel condescending.

"I understand this seems unnecessary but I promise you it is. We can't let you back unless you confirm your personal information. I'm sorry."

Sam clenched her jaw. Reminded herself he was only doing his job. She was only annoyed because she felt uncomfortable. Not his fault either. "I'm staying with Alex. I don't really know her address. The one that's on there is our mom's place, 4244 Bowman St. Midvale, California 93001. Did you want to know the house color too?"

The man chuckled. "No, that's okay. You're all set. If you go up these front stairs and to the left, you'll find Agent Danvers's lab. I can't guarantee she's there but she should be."

"Thanks."

The DEO was all metals and glass, giving it a cold feel. Stairs to each side, walkways crossing above. Not as many people as Sam thought there would be moved around the building. All in the same black uniform that Alex was in when she picked Sam up from the station.

At the back, there was a bay of mounted monitors surrounded by computer desks. A few agents worked around them. A tall, wide man stood watching. His shoulders massive and held straight. He looked and felt like a higher up. Sam guessed that was J'onn, the boss Alex and Kara mentioned. She stayed away from him.

To the left, like the receptionist said, was a lab with windowed walls. Sam didn't see Alex as she walked toward it but she stepped inside all the same. She wasn't sure where else she was supposed to go. Sam circled the lab, checking out the equipment while she did. Their mom would be in heaven. She wondered if she had been there yet. If she even knew the extent of Alex's job. Until the other night, Sam hadn't. Not knowing what else to do, she sat on one of the stools and waited.

Sam watched the DEO traffic outside of the lab. Some agents gave her weird looks but most were too focused to even notice her. They rushed around, sometimes with files in hand, to and from the monitor bay then maybe upstairs or into one of the conference rooms across from the lab.

Eventually, Kara walked past and toward the monitor bay. She stopped and turned though, looking at Sam with a smile and wave but she didn't come in to talk or do anything else. She resumed her path. Sam watched her speak with the man she assumed was J'onn then she flew back out.

It was getting later. They had planned for a 7pm dinner which was then pushed past eight and now it was nearing ten. And, still no Alex. Sam wondered if she should go looking for her but decided against it. Alex would find her. Or she wouldn't and Sam didn't care. Either way, really, she didn't care.

The sinking feeling in her stomach was telling her otherwise. Maybe-J'onn walked into the lab as she was contemplating if she should leave, cut her losses and make Alex think she blew her off. Not the other way around.

"You're Sam, I'm guessing."

"And you're J'onn."

"I am." He gave a single nod and put his hands on his hips, hunching his shoulders a bit. "It's a pleasure to meet you. Alex and Kara have told me a lot about you."

That pulled a harsh laugh out of Sam. "No, they haven't but I appreciate the gesture."

J'onn gave her an odd look but didn't ask. He moved his hands from his hips and crossed his arms over his large chest. He was more intimidating up close. Sam had to admit it. Taller than she thought, bigger than she thought. But, he had kind eyes and this little exchange they were having was already a more pleasant experience than Sam has ever had with a superior officer.

"Alex mentioned you were coming by tonight to have dinner with her. I have to apologize for her absence. I sent her out to check on a possible threat on the outskirts of National city. She's on her way back now. She mentioned that burgers are your favorite?"

It was a question but Sam didn't answer. He paused, waited awkwardly for her to say something then moved on when she didn't

"Well, I had one of the agents run out and pick some up for your dinner. It was the least I could do for making you wait."

"Thanks."

J'onn stood, maybe waiting or maybe not wanting to leave Sam alone, and Sam sat on her stool and stared at him. The longer they stayed like that, the longer Sam noticed he was trying to decided on something. She looked away from him then. Let him have his internal battle in relative privacy.

"I think I owe you an apology, Sam." She looked back at him then. An apology? She'd never met this man before in her life. Sure, he made her sister late for dinner but she was at work and he sent her to do her job. That wasn't apology-worthy.

"I, um," J'onn cleared his throat, looking away then back at her. "I knew your father. He saved my life years ago and I made him a promise."

"J'onn. Don't." They both turned to Alex, looking like a deer in the headlights, standing in the door to the lab.

"No, Alex. I need to say this. I already apologized to you and Kara. Sam deserves the same."

"You're right, she does, but not right no. Please?"

Alex's urgency for J'onn to stop talking tickled at Sam's irritation from earlier. If there was something, that had to do with their dad, that Alex didn't want her to know, then she wanted to know it. She deserved to know as much as Alex did. She tried to ignore the part of her mind that demanded she deserved to know more than Kara did.

"No. I wanna know. What is it?"

"I met your father, years ago, while he was working with the DEO. I'm not from here, Sam. I'm a Green Martian."

"Okay?"

Alex stepped in front of J'onn and Sam couldn't see her expression but she could hear the desperation in her voice. "J'onn, _please_."

J'onn looked confused between the two. He was listening to Alex. He wasn't going to tell Sam anything. She could see the openness and sincerity closing off in his eyes.

"I have a right to know." Sam bit out. "Tell me."

Alex turned around. Shoulders slumped, nervous, and maybe a little defeated. She took a step toward Sam that had her reflexively taking a step back in response.

"I should've told you this sooner but between everything." Alex's forehead crinkled and her eyes softened and Sam knew she wasn't going to like whatever she should've been told.

"What, Alex?"

"Dad's alive."

It hit Sam like a punch to the gut, driving the air, and the fight, out of her. The thoughts and annoyance she just had vanished. Blank took over. A little confusion tried to move in. She spent almost her entire life thinking her father was dead. He left them because of Kara and then he died. He was gone. That was her story.

But now, he wasn't. He was alive according to Alex. Her sister moved closer, rested a hand on her shoulder. "Sam? Are you okay?"

"What?"

"Are you okay?"

"No, not…how is he alive? We were told he was dead. People came to our house and told us he was dead."

"I don't know how or why, really. All we know is an organization called Cadmus took him and faked his death, forced him to work for them.

"They took Kara not too long ago and he saved her. That's the only reason we know he's still alive; and, he wouldn't go with her when she escaped and didn't answer any of her questions. We just know he's still alive and that Cadmus has him."

Sam shrugged off Alex's hand. The blank was leaving and her confusion was solidifying into anger. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't know how to!" Alex was getting defensive. Sam briefly wondered if they should be having this discussion in a windowed lab where Alex works. She didn't care enough to move it somewhere else though. Right then, she didn't care about anything except that Alex kept something like this from her.

"I haven't talked to you in forever!" Alex continued. "What was I supposed to say? 'Oh, hey Sam. Guess what. Dad's not dead. See you next time you decide to show up.'"

"That would be better than saying nothing!"

J'onn stepped closer to both girls. His hands coming up to placate them. "You both need to calm down. Alex, you are at work."

"No." Sam looked at him like he was crazy. "I want some goddamn answers." She rounded back on Alex. "Like, how _could you_ , Alex? I had a right to know."

"You did and I'm sorry, okay? I should have told you as soon as we found out but I didn't. And, I should have told you at some point since you've been staying with me but I didn't then either. I don't know what you want me to say except that I'm sorry."

"Does mom know?" Alex nodded. Sam laughed. "Of course, she does. I'm the only one who didn't. Nice Alex." Sam shrugged. "Anything else I don't know? Is Dad some hybrid alien now? Or maybe I'm the one who is actually adopted."

"Don't be dramatic."

Sam narrowed her eyes and recoiled like she had been hit. "Don't be dramatic? Alex, you. Did not tell me. That our father is still alive. I don't think any of this is dramatic and you can go fuck yourself if you do."

"Hey." J'onn leveled Sam with a very fatherly look that only pushed her buttons further. He could take his fatherly concern and shove it up his ass for all Sam cared. Alex put a hand on his arm and shook her head when he looked at her.

"J'onn. Can we have a minute?" He nodded and turned to leave.

"Sam, I would like to talk to you later. Give you that apology."

"Yea." She forced it out as politely as she could. Only moments before, he was being nice and offering her dinner because of something he couldn't control. No looking for trouble, stopping fighting everyone. That was what she was told to work on. If anything, J'onn was lucky. He was slipping through the cracks of Sam's anger.

He nodded and left the two alone. They stood in silence. Sam was fuming. This wasn't like Alex didn't tell her she got a new job or even that they were having another service for their dad. This was life changing. This was forcing Sam to reevaluate the past fifteen years of her life.

But she had been back for a couple of days. She got arrested and they fought then she was somehow a part of stopping a crime and then they fought. When was Alex supposed to have told her?

Sam's rational side tried valiantly to defend Alex. But the side she listened to more often than not, said Alex should have told her right away. The moment she knew, Sam should've known. It hurt that they didn't even think that she should.

"I'm sorry." Alex tried again.

"That doesn't really help."

"But I am and I don't know what will help."

"Me neither." Sam sat back down, ran a hand across her face then to the back of her neck. "How could you not tell me? And _don't_ say you just didn't."

"Honestly?" Alex pulled a stool over and sat in front of Sam. "I didn't think to. Sam, we barely see you and I was so focused on how we could find him and that he was alive then I thought about mom and, I should've thought about you too."

"So it's my fault?"

"No." She shook her head adamantly. "It is not your fault. Regardless of the reason, I should have told you."

The anger was fading because their dad was _alive_ and Sam had no idea how to feel about it. Angry was definitely up there in the possibilities. Every bad decision Sam made was in retaliation to that fact. She was angry her dad was dead and gone and she refused to try to control it. Now, she learns that he was never actually dead. It felt like she would've been a little less angry if it was just gone.

Remorse was another route she could take. Sam was, like Alex had said, standoffish at best and cruel at worst toward Kara. Because he was dead and gone. More than anything though, she felt helpless and like she wanted to cry.

"I'm sorry." Sam mumbled. Don't look for trouble, stop fighting them. It was like a mantra.

"For what?" Alex was surprised and it pulled a small smile from Sam. Alex may not apologize often but Sam apologized less than she did. Obviously this was the last thing she expected.

"I shouldn't have told you to go fuck yourself."

"It was kind of understandable." Sam looked up to find Alex smiling at her. It wrenched her heart further. Too much. First, their dad's alive and now, Alex was the Alex she missed. Comforting and _there_. She took a deep breath and pulled herself together. That was enough sisterly emotion for one night. Enough for at least a week.

"So, where's this dinner J'onn promised?"

Alex smiled wider but turned toward the door. "I'll go see."


	14. Chapter 14

Sam took the time alone to get a little more composure. Just like Alex was giving her time to do, she was sure. She had more questions. The anger at being left out of the loop was still there but she needed a moment before those questions mixed with that anger mutated into something neither of them really wanted.

Alex came back with two takeout bags and a drink carrier. She didn't say anything as she placed it all on the lab table and started sorting it out. Sam was given a burger, fries, and a strawberry shake. Her burger was done up just the way she liked it too. She glanced at Alex, who was digging into her own food, and realized maybe her sister knew more about her than she thought.

"How was your first day at CatCo?"

"Annoying. The guy I had to shadow was a condescending dick."

"Yikes." Alex said around a bite. Sam shrugged and fumbled with keeping the conversation moving and normal.

"It'll be an easy job though. He was the only bad part. Otherwise, it should all work out just fine. It's not like I have to work with him or anything."

"Well, that's good. Kara's really excited you said yes."

Sam laughed. The tension between them was shrinking. It was still there and palpable but it was easier to ignore. Easier to try. "Oh, I know. I thought she was going to blow my eardrum from how excited she was after I said I'd take it."

"I think that was a really great decision, Sam. It'll help you get your feet under you after being in the military so long." Sam nodded instead of vocalizing a response. Part of her still prickled at the idea that her making good decisions was surprising. That might not even be what Alex meant but that's what Sam always assumed people meant when they said things like that.

"Any chance you'll tell me why you got discharged yet?"

"Nope." Sam replied before taking a drink of her shake. Alex feigned indifference but Sam knew it was killing her not to know.

"I didn't think so."

They slipped into a lull in conversation. It was heavy and Sam didn't like how it felt. It seemed like it needed to be broken. It didn't matter how or with what.

"I'm going to have to go shopping." She said clumsily. If Alex noticed she didn't mention it.

"For what?"

"That douche at CatCo said looking presentable was important."

"Ah, right. Kara's mentioned that before. They take it pretty seriously. She could probably take you if you wanted. I wear this every day to work." Alex looked down at herself. "I wouldn't be very much help when it comes to business casual."

Again, Sam just nodded as an answer. It seemed like schmoozing with CatCo employees was going to be harder than she thought if she couldn't even keep a conversation going with Alex.

They were running out of small talk which means they were going to have to broach the subject of the night before. She felt her hackles rising just thinking about it. Alex didn't disappoint in her predictability.

"Did you have fun with Maggie last night?"

"Uh, yea. She's cool."

"Maybe a little too much fun?" Alex was trying to joke but it was strained and forced. Effort was there though. Sam had to acknowledge it even if she was trying to fight down the urge to snap at Alex for asking.

"I guess."

"I decided to, uh, cut back on how much I drink." Sam didn't say anything. Just continued eating and fighting her instinct to rise to everything Alex said. More like what she was implying. "I didn't realize how bad it was until Maggie and Kara said something about it."

"It's hereditary." Alex said after a pause. Awkward but flailing in her attempt to be nonchalant about it. "Having a problem with drinking."

"Are you trying to tell me something?"

"What? No. Nah." Alex shrugged. "Just saying."

Sam took a deep breath. "Kara said we have to talk things out."

"She did."

"Then, are we going to talk about what happened yesterday? All this talking around it is already annoying."

"We could talk about you joining the DEO." Alex said lightly. "That was pretty impressive, how you disarmed that guy."

"That's it?"

"No," Alex sighed, "but maybe we could enjoy dinner a little more before we jump back into an argument. Would that be okay with you?"

"I guess."

Alex nodded but neither went anywhere with the conversation. Sam took a deep breath and rolled her eyes. "This isn't working. Why'd you yell at me?"

"We'll get better at it." Alex placed her cup down and took a second for herself. "I yelled at you because I was scared."

"Because that makes so much sense."

"Sam, how do I handle not being in control?"

"Not well."

"Exactly. I had no control over your safety and, given the chance, that man would have killed you or at the very least, hurt you. The stress of the situation on top of that resulted in me getting mad at you. I think you of all people can understand that."

She wasn't sure what Alex wanted her to say or if there was something she should say to that. It made sense. Was consistent with how Alex handled stress. That didn't necessarily make it any better or easier to deal with.

"Why'd you storm off?"

"Because you yelled at me." Sam answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. And to her it was. Alex dealt with stress by getting angry and Sam dealt with it by running away. Or fighting it. Just as consistent as Alex.

"Yea, okay, but you didn't come back until Maggie went to go get you."

"Was I supposed to come back with my tail between my legs?"

"No but it would've been nice to know that you were okay."

"It would've been nice to not get yelled at, Alex. I kept someone else from being taken by that guy. I kept him from hurting anyone. I get that you were scared or whatever but it wasn't like I did anything wrong!"

"I'm proud of you for what you did, I promise you I am. You dealt with him effectively and kept yourself and that woman safe. I should not have yelled at you."

"No, you shouldn't have."

"But. You shouldn't have disappeared."

Sam wanted to laugh and she wanted to yell and she wanted this to be over with. They were just going to go in circles. Instead of doing either of her first two instincts, she ground her teeth and crumbled up her burger paper. Maybe a touch too aggressively.

"You shouldn't have yelled, I shouldn't have left. We talked about it so let's just move on."

"Okay but first, do we both promise to not do it again?"

Sam did laugh at that. Not spitefully though. She honestly thought it was funny that Alex was suggesting that she'd promise not to yell at Sam again. "You promise not to yell at me again? When pigs fly, Alex."

"I promise to do my best." Alex smiled brightly and they both laughed at the implication. Sisters with a good relationship wouldn't even be able to keep that promise. It would be beyond impossible for them to do so.

Kara watched her sisters from the DEO main lobby. Her smile grew as they continued laughing. Both of them looking more at ease than she had seen them in a long time. It was a little awkward, anyone could see that but in terms of what the Danvers sisters were used to when together, this was like Christmas morning or fireworks on the fourth of July. This was amazing.

"Hey, is that your sister?" Kara jumped at Winn's voice coming from beside her. She had been so focused on what was happening in the lab that she didn't hear him walk up to her. "Woah now." He held both his hands up, a tablet in one of them. "I didn't mean to scare you. I didn't even know that was possible actually."

"I was just really focused. You normally couldn't."

"Right." Winn nodded. "So? Is that her?"

"Is that who?" Kara was confused. Winn surprising her distracted her and before she was distracted by Alex and Sam and, oh. Sam! "How do you know about Sam?"

"Alex called me last night to track her phone." Kara turned to him with a confused look. Alex hadn't mentioned that to her. Maggie hadn't either. "And maybe I shouldn't have told you."

"No. It's fine. I just didn't know."

"What's her deal then?"

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing really. Just, Alex didn't sound too happy when she called me and a little bit ago they were fighting."

"They were fighting?"

Winn nodded. "Yea. A lot of yelling and all that. Alex even sent J'onn away."

"They seem okay now."

"Yea," Winn shrugged, "I guess."

"Shouldn't you be working?"

Winn lifted and waved the tablet he was holding. He smiled. "Technically, I am. You gonna tell me about her or not?"

There was a little hurt in Winn's voice. Kara guessed it stemmed from the same place Lena's curiosity did. She'd never mentioned Sam and Kara didn't really hide things. Well. Except for her whole secret identity thing. That was different though.

"I'm sorry, Winn." She didn't really know where to start though. Nor did she have the time to finish. She had told both her sisters she would stop in during their dinner, spend some time with them. As it was, she had already wasted what little free time she had and it wasn't like she could know how long she really had. "Um, what do you want to know?"

"What haven't either of you mentioned her before?"

"We usually don't get along very well."

" _You_ don't get along with someone? Is she like a super villain or something?"

"I don't like everyone, Winn! There's plenty of people I don't like!"

"Max Lord was the last person you didn't like and he was half a villain."

"No." Kara shook her head and tried to think of someone else. "Okay fine but Sam isn't a villain. It doesn't really matter anymore why we didn't get along. We're working on it." Kara gave a single nod and folded her arms across her chest.

"Is she older than you?"

"No. Three years younger."

"Is she adopted too?"

"Really Winn?" Kara couldn't believe he'd ask that. It was very clear that Sam wasn't. "Have you looked at her? She looks just like Alex."

"Well I don't know." Kara laughed at him. Ridiculously stupid questions from such a smart guy. "What happened to her face?"

Kara looked away from Winn and back at her sister. One side of her face was dominated by the ugly bruise. It looked painful and she wondered if it bothered Sam. She acted like it didn't.

"She got hit."

"Well, no shit. Why'd she get hit?"

Kara let a whine crawl up the back of her throat. She didn't want to tell Winn. She didn't want anyone to judge Sam before they met her. Winn was her best friend though and she wouldn't lie to him about something so small. "She got in a fight."

"Damn. Although, somehow I'm not surprised. You Danvers like to get in the middle of things."

"No, we don't!" Winn looked pointedly down at her super suit. Then back up at Kara, daring her to disagree that they weren't a family of well-intentioned meddlers. "Fine, whatever. I actually need to go in there and you, mister, need to go back to work. Let me know if Supergirl is needed."

"Will do."

In the lab, Alex and Sam's laughter had died down into a silence that wasn't tense but it wasn't comfortable either. It felt like Kara had walked into spider webs. An annoying presence that she couldn't place or identify to get rid of. So, she pushed through it with smiles and enthusiasm like she did with everything else.

"Hey guys!"

"Hey." Alex answered easily before reaching for the takeout bag sitting on the lab table. Sam just gave Kara a tight-lipped smile. "It's probably a little cold. We thought you'd be back a while ago."

"Yea, sorry. Maggie called and needed Supergirl's help with a stand-off they were having with some drug dealers. Nothing serious."

"Maggie called you to deal with drug dealers?"

Kara nodded as she shoved a few fries in her mouth. They were a little cold, sure, but she was starving. "They had a hostage and she didn't think they were going to let him go."

"Weird."

"Jealous?" Kara asked, waggling her eyebrows.

"Why would I be jealous?"

"Because she didn't call you." Sam answered. Kara's head whipped toward her, not expecting her to participate in their conversation. She covered as best she could and turned back to Alex. She tossed her thumb toward Sam.

"Yea, exactly."

Alex scoffed. "No. I am not jealous because she didn't call me. That's, pfft, no. Definitely not. That would be petty and ridiculous."

"Whatever you say, Alex." Kara sing-songed in response. If Alex wanted to deny it then she'd let her. They all knew the truth.

"I only asked because Maggie usually calls into the DEO if she needs your help, not you directly."

"So, you are jealous?" Kara wanted to squeal at Sam's banter. There was a good chance she was only doing it to piss Alex off but there was a better chance that it was a result of their earlier laughter. Kara would bet on the latter.

She wasn't sure if Alex would realize that though so instead of letting it go on longer, she stepped in and changed the subject. Kara wanted to take advantage of the non-fighting.

"You know what we should do!?" She looked between the two, excited as her plan formed. They both looked back at her warily. Neither liking what her excitement could mean. It was funny how similar they were. Especially when they would both deny it until they were blue in the face.

"We should go out!"

"Out?" Sam asked and Alex groaned.

"Yea! Out! There's this bar we go to, Maggie showed it to us. We should go out and we can invite Maggie, and like Winn and Mon-El. Maybe James too. It'd be fun!"

"I don't know, Kara. That's a lot in one night." Alex was already deflecting which meant she thought it wouldn't go well. Kara wanted them to go even more because of it. Prove they could do it without anything bad happening. Alex turned to Sam. "Don't feel like you have to say yes."

"When have I ever felt like I had to say yes?"

"That's a good point." Kara wagged a finger at Sam and nodded at Alex. "She doesn't do anything she doesn't want to do."

"I'm not sure if that's a good thing for your little plan, Kara."

Sam shrugged with a smirk. "I haven't decided yet."

"Well, I won't be able to make anything work for a few days." Kara thought out her schedule. She'd have the L-Corp exclusive to polish up for Snapper. He was sure to have it back to her in the morning with revisions needed on everything. She was on active patrol for the DEO the next three nights too. She turned to Sam, "I think you should get into a routine with work too since you just started."

"That's probably a great idea." Alex agreed. "As for availability, Maggie is just getting off nights. She won't be up for going out for a few days."

"And I'm sure you'd like some quality alone time too." Kara elbowed Alex with a smile, enjoying how red she got. Sam let out a chuckle then cringed.

"Please don't. I don't wanna think about that."

"Right, so, moving on from _that_." Alex mock glared at Kara. It only made her laugh more since she was still so red. "If we're doing this, we should plan for like next Friday or something."

"That should work for me!" Kara looked to Sam. Alex was as on board as she was going to be, actually agreeing to it. Now, they needed Sam to say yes.

"Sure."

"Yes!" Kara fist pumped. It was going to be great! They were going to have a great time and Sam would get to go to the alien bar. She'd love it. She'd get to meet their friends too. Everyone would stop asking why they didn't know anything about Sam.

Kara knew better than to think 'what could go wrong' but that didn't mean it was easy not to. Her excitement and optimism made it almost impossible because really, what could go wrong? It was going to be awesome.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Howdy, howdy. More slightly useless info about me: I start teaching again next Monday. That means there is a good chance I won't be able to post every day. As of now, I have the next seven chapters pre-written and waiting to be posted. I'm hoping to get pretty far with things before I start working so that there isn't a huge drop-off. I make no promises though b/c I have to read a 300pg book and get my lesson plans started. I'll say something if I start to get behind. Thanks for reading!**

It had been one week since Sam came to stay with Alex. That was the deadline. One week and if Sam hadn't reached out to their mom, Alex would. But now that the one week was up, Alex wasn't sure what to do. If this was Sam, asshole-pain-in-the-neck, she wouldn't bat an eye but this was Sam, asshole-pain-in-the-neck…who was trying. Alex didn't want to disrupt whatever rocky truce they had going on because things were _good_. Not perfect but so, so much better than it had been in a very long time.

The dilemma took Alex to Kara's door much later than usual for a week night. She raised her hand to knock but didn't get a chance as it swung open to reveal Kara and Lena. Both smiling and talking quietly. Alex quickly pushed her shock away and settled on amusement. It only grew as it took Kara longer than it should've, even without super powers, to notice Alex standing there. It was a head nod from Lena that moved her focus from her.

"Oh! Alex!" Kara smiled wide but Alex could see the nervous around its edges. "Hey, what are you doing here?"

Alex laughed and smiled to Lena before answering her sister. "Hi Lena."

"Alex, it's nice to see you." She watched Lena gently put her hand on Kara's arm. Alex didn't need to have semi-recently opened eyes to make leaps and bounds, which weren't very large, to the almost nature of Kara and Lena's friendship. "Thank you for a lovely evening, Kara. You were right, I needed a night off."

"Anytime, Lena! Let me know when you get home?"

"Of course." Lena's smile crinkled her eyes but tampered down as she turned to Alex. "Good night, Alex."

"Night." Alex watched her go before turning a smirk around on her sister.

"What?"

"Oh nothing, nothing." She wouldn't give Kara grief for it. At least not much. Alex moved them along to why she was there. "Do you have a minute to talk?"

"I do, come in." Kara stepped to the side for Alex to enter. She closed the door and locked up, asking with her back to Alex, "What's up?"

"It's Sam."

"Oh no. What happened now?"

"Nothing and that's the problem." Alex huffed as she sank into one of the stools around Kara's kitchen island. Her sister stood at the side, hands resting on the flat surface.

"Uh, Alex…I thought nothing is what we wanted her to be doing? At least in terms of what she's normally doing. I guess we would want her to be doing _some_ thing. Actually doing nothing would be bad. She needs to be like working and stuff I guess."

Alex let Kara ramble. It was better to let her get it out than interrupt. Kara reaching up to remove her glasses was Alex's que that she was done.

"I meant with Mom."

"Has it been one week already?" Alex nodded. "And let me guess, she hasn't so much as brought it up again. Let alone actually called Eliza." Another nod. "Alright, well. Are you going to talk to Sam about it or just call Eliza?"

"I don't know. Either one is going to result in some sort of confrontation."

"True but one option will be much worse than the other."

"I don't want to back down on this though." It was counterproductive but Alex refused to. She had given Sam breaks in the past, let things go without making good on her threats to step in. If they were going to change, this needed to change with them. Alex was going to keep her honest.

"Alex." Kara sighed.

"No. I said I would tell Mom if she didn't so I will."

"Why don't you talk to her about it first? Make it clear that if she doesn't in like…the next 24 hours then you definitely will. That way you still get to keep your word but you aren't blindsiding Sam."

Alex let her head fall down onto a pillow of her arms on top of the island. "This is exhausting."

"Family always is."

She popped her head up. "You think I'm exhausting?"

"Sometimes, yea." Kara's head bounced side to side, thinking it out. "Like when you try to keep me safe even though I'm basically indestructible."

"Key word there:" Alex smiled at her sister's sort of teasing, "basically."

"That's more indestructible than you!"

"Yea, yea. Whatever. I can still hold my own better in a fight."

Kara laughed at Alex's smug shrug. "When are you going to talk to Sam?"

"Sooner rather than later, right?"

"Tonight then?"

"I guess so. Wha?" Alex unintelligently reacted to Kara pulling her out of her seat and corralling her toward the door. "Kara, what are you doing?"

"Sooner rather than later, right?"

Alex stumbled as Kara pushed her out the door. A smile and wave were it before it closed in her face. Alex let out a bark of laughter. "You suck." She said to the closed door, knowing Kara would hear her no matter where she was in the apartment.

A muffled shout of "Go!" was her reply. And Alex did, taking the long way home to give herself a little more time to come up with the gentle argument that would get Sam to do what she wanted but also not ruin what they had going. Alex laughed at herself. Like that was going to happen…

"Hey." Alex called into the apartment as she stepped in. She couldn't see Sam but the TV was on so she was most likely slumped down too far on the couch.

"Hey."

Instead of jumping right into it, Alex showered and changed first, getting out of her DEO uniform and putting her gun away. She even brushed her teeth much earlier than her normal right before bed just to give herself a few more minutes. She still had no idea how to broach the subject lightly.

Next Alex cleaned the non-existent mess off her dining table and coffee table. She stopped behind the couch, looking for what to distract herself with next.

"You're hovering." Sam commented without looking away from the TV.

"Right." Alex breathed out. No use putting it off any longer. She rounded the couch and sat next to Sam, facing her. Just jump in. "When are you going to talk to mom?"

"When I talk to her." Sam still didn't look at Alex so Alex reached across her for the remote. Sam still opted for the TV rather than Alex even though it was blank.

"It's been a week."

"You going to tell her then?"

"Well, yea. She has a right to know." A harsh laugh exploded from Sam and Alex cringed. Maybe she shouldn't have used that argument. Having a right to know something was a sensitive subject for Sam at the moment.

"Don't bring my mistakes into this." Alex tried, hesitant and hoping it wouldn't make things worse. "You need to tell mom you were discharged and that you're in National City. You don't have to give her any details or whatever but you have to tell her."

"I don't _have_ to do shit, Alex."

"If you want to continue staying with me, yes, you do!"

"I don't want to stay here! You're the one who made me agree to stay longer. If you want me out, then I'll leave. You don't have to take care of me."

Alex rubbed a hand over her forehead. This was going wonderfully. "That's not what I meant. I want you here; I do. You have to tell mom though."

"Again, I don't have to do shit."

"Then I will."

"Fine. Don't tell her I said hi." Sam stood up without another word. Walking out of the apartment.

Alex fell back onto her couch, grabbed the throw pillow under her and screamed into it. A rare display of out of control emotion that only Sam could pull out of her. Alex didn't understand why she had to be so difficult. She laid there, getting things under control, for a moment before reaching for her phone. She sent two quick texts. The first to Kara. The second to Maggie.

 **-That went horribly**

 **-You're lucky you don't have siblings**

Kara must have been waiting for news. Alex hadn't even gotten out of Maggie's text strand before her response came.

 **-On a scale of stubbed toe to waking up from Black Mercy, how horrible? (K)**

 **-Not Black Mercy. There are few things worse than that. This could have been so much worse. Let's go with…Cat Grant figuring out you're SG. Fixable but still bad (A)**

 **-I can work with that! I'll talk to her at work tomorrow (K)**

 **-Idk. Maybe wait an extra day. She left so she's fuming (A)**

 **-Ok. I'll take her lunch tho. We just won't talk about Eliza or you (K)**

It was a solid plan. Sam would appreciate the free food and Alex knew Kara would go all out, get her favorite. As long as she stayed away from tonight then Sam wouldn't lash out at her. Alex had been surprised at Sam's effort not to lately. It was a visible effort. Clenched jaws and barely unrolled eyes but the acidic comments have been halved at least and she seemed like she was even enjoying her time with Kara. It made Alex wonder just how much of it was an act all those years.

Maggie's response wasn't as quick and the second text Alex sent, asking to come over, was probably what got her attention. Thinking about Sam had made Alex worried about Sam. She wouldn't go to Kara's and she didn't have anywhere else to go for the night.

 **-What happened? (M)**

 **-And of course you can come over (M)**

 **-I'd say mi casa es tu casa but you hate it (M)**

 **-You just said it… (A)**

 **\- :)** **so what happened? (M)**

 **\- I'll explain when I get there. Heading out now (A)**

Alex got up and threw her clothes for work in a bag. Everything else she had at Maggie's. Before leaving, she texted Sam to let her know.

 **-I'm sleeping at Maggie's tonight**

She wouldn't get a response but she was positive that Sam would come back to the apartment. Especially since she wouldn't have to with her tail between her legs. Alex was leaving because she was sure that Sam was proud enough to stay out all night just to avoid that. She already almost had once before.

Unlike on her way home from Kara's, Alex all but rushed to Maggie's. Eager to destress with her girlfriend and go to bed. Those two things seemed heavenly at the moment. She let herself in but Maggie wasn't in the main living areas. Alex walked back to her room, hers actually having a door, and knocked.

"Come in." Alex pushed open the door and found a sports bra and shorts clad, fresh out of the shower Maggie. She smiled and didn't say anything, just crossing the room and pulling Maggie into a hug and burying her head into her neck. "Well hello there."

She could hear Maggie's smile and her hands rubbing up and down Alex's back was the exact soothing she needed. Alex sighed contentedly and pulled back but kept her arms loosely around Maggie. "Hi."

"How's it going, beautiful?"

"I'm tired and a little stressed."

"I think I can fix that." Maggie smiled again. "Do you need to change or anything. Looks like you showered." She commented, bringing a hand up and through Alex's still damp hair.

"Just change."

"Alright, well, I still need to brush my teeth. I'll be right back."

Once Alex was changed and Maggie had clean teeth, they climbed into bed. Forgoing the couch and an unwind show. They laid facing each other and close but not touching.

"Everything okay?" Maggie asked.

"Kind of? Maybe? It will be?" Alex shrugged awkwardly pressed against the bed. "It's been one week."

"Ooookay. And?"

"Right, I forgot. I didn't really tell you this but when Sam got here, I told her she had a week to call my mom and let her know what was going on. If she didn't then I would."

"And it's been a week." Maggie supplied and Alex nodded. "Have you told your mom?"

"Not yet. I talked to Kara and she said I should remind Sam, not just call my mom and blindside her and that's what I went home planning to do. That's not how it went."

"I figured it was something with Sam when you mentioned siblings."

"She's just so difficult!"

"She's not impossible though. What are you going to do?"

"Tell my mom. I told her I would and she basically gave me permission before she left."

"And that's why you're here."

"Yea." Alex smiled sheepishly. "Not that I don't want to be but I knew Sam wouldn't come back if I stayed at my place. Is that okay?"

"More than okay. I love when you come to my place and if it shortens Sam's time at a bar, even better." Maggie reached over to brush Alex's hair back and trail her fingers over Alex's cheek before pulling her hand back. "You're a good sister, Al."

"Even if I tell my mom?"

"I think because you're going to tell your mom, you are. Sometimes people need a kick in the ass to get back on track. Sam seems like she's one of those people."

"Why are you so good at this advice thing?" Alex smiled.

Maggie shrugged before taking Alex's hand and rolling over, pulling her up against her back. Alex snuggled in. "Because I don't have siblings and don't know how hard this is. It's easy to tell you what you should do when I don't have to do it.

"Speaking of," Maggie continued, "I think you should go home before work tomorrow and talk to Sam. Clear the air a little. You guys have been doing really awesome lately."

"Yea, I guess." Alex readjusted herself, pulling Maggie tighter to her. "How was your day?"

"Eh." Maggie shrugged against Alex. "Same old. We wrapped up the L-Corp heist. I guess that's pretty exciting. Not as much as when we got the break but it still felt good to close it."

"That's great! Congrats."

"Thanks." Alex listened as Maggie went on more about her day. The little things her co-workers did that made her laugh. The water jug spill that took half the day to clean up. Her smooth voice leading Alex closer to sleep. When Maggie's laugh startled her awake, Alex interrupted her.

"Babe. I'm falling asleep, I'm sorry."

"No worries. I thought you might be; your arm was getting heavier." Maggie pulled Alex's hand up to kiss it. "Good night."

The blaring of Maggie's alarm jolted Alex awake. She groaned and rolled onto her back and half on top of Maggie. Her girlfriend barely moved, only enough to burrow closer into Alex's back. Alex rolled back onto her side and then her stomach, turning to face Maggie. "Mags."

No response. "Mags, your alarm."

That got her a grunt in response. Alex laughed. A phone call would get Maggie up and out of bed in a blink of an eye, habits from being on call, but an alarm clock barely reached her. Alex teased that she should just make her alarm the same tone as her ringer but Maggie waved it away with the argument that she was totally a morning person.

"Maggie. Get up, come on." Alex poked her shoulder. Maggie scowled and turned over so Alex went with a different approach.

She got up, walked around the bed and turned off the alarm herself. Then she looked at Maggie, snuggled into the blanket. She smiled and took it in. Then she put her plan in motion.

Alex grabbed the bottom corner of the blanket and yanked. Maggie's grasp tightened as she whined but Alex just tugged it harder. It came away easily with that second attempted. She laughed when Maggie curled into herself and some muffled words reached Alex but she couldn't understand them.

"What?"

"You're cruel." Maggie said louder.

"Is it really cruel to make sure you get up in time for work?"

"Yes." Maggie mumbled, cracking an eye to glare at Alex. It would've been a lot more successful if Alex didn't find her bed head and jammies look so cute.

"I need to stop at home before work to talk to Sam. I'm trusting you to actually get up and make it to work on time."

Maggie rolled and sprawled on her back, stretching. "You act like I was incompetent before you came into my life, Danvers."

"I'm not so sure you weren't." Alex joked and Maggie chuckled.

"Oh, ouch." Both hands over her heart. "Get out of here. I'll be fine. You have family shit to take care of."

Alex braced herself on the bed as she leaned over Maggie, kissing her good morning and goodbye. Maggie let loose a content hum. "Bye." Alex whispered.

There was a small chance that Sam wouldn't be in the apartment. That thought had Alex hesitating outside of her door. No Sam would tell her just how bad their fight had actually been in her sister's eyes.

There was no Sam in the kitchen or living room but Alex heard the shower running and let out the breath she had been holding. When she finally came out, she stopped short with her towel still against her hair. She looked at Alex then kept moving, walking to where she kept her stuff in the corner of the room.

"I didn't think I'd see you this morning." She commented while going through her bag. There were undertones of tense and icy but a forced casual was the strongest vibe Alex got.

"I didn't think so either but I realized I didn't wanna leave things where they are." Sam didn't say anything but she did stand and face Alex, her clothes in hand. Listening. "I didn't really want things to go down like that. I brought it up to give you some time to tell mom yourself, not threaten you or make you feel bad or whatever."

"I want you to tell Mom."

That took Alex off guard. Honestly, she was expecting another fight to come from this morning. "Why?"

"Because you're right, she deserves to know but I don't want to tell her. I know that makes me a coward but I don't really care."

"Sammy," Alex started, surprised and feeling for her little sister. She slipped into an old nickname she hasn't used since before Sam hit double digits. "You have a job and a place to live. Mom might not like that you got discharged but you don't need to be scared about anything."

Sam shrugged. "Whether I have anything or not doesn't matter. Will you tell her? Because I won't. I don't…I'm not ready to talk to Mom yet."

"When was the last time you did?"

"I don't know. A couple months I think." Sam fidgeted and Alex knew she was ashamed of the answer. Alex also realized she knew the last time. She still posed it as a question.

"Mother's Day?" Sam nodded. "I'll tell her but you should talk to her eventually. It'd make Mom really happy."

"Eventually." Sam agreed. "I, uh…I need to finish getting ready and leave. Being late is like the worst thing I can do, I guess."

"Oh, yea. Yea. I should probably get going too. Um…so, uh, have a good day and I'll see you tonight?"

"Sure. You too."

Alex watched Sam walk away in a sort of stunned acceptance. That went much, much better, light years better, than she thought it was going to go. It was short, no yelling, and Sam had opened up. Only a little but still more than Alex was used to.

It felt a little like a land slide. Like, a few rocks were starting to fall, some others were getting loose. Alex wondered when it was all going to come down and how devastating it was going to be. Would it be a positive thing or negative?

The analogy had Alex rolling her eyes at herself. She headed out while thinking that she should not refer to her sister as a natural disaster.

But maybe she should. Kara was like a hurricane. Almost literally. Maggie had called Alex an earthquake. Sudden and devastating and unpredictable once she decided to act. She highly doubted that Sam was the personification of a land slide but she was sure there was something out there that fit her. It would just take some time to figure her out again.


	16. Chapter 16

Working at CatCo was interesting. The building was bright and bustling and, literally, everyone seemed happy to be there. Except Snapper Carr but Kara had said time after time that he was an unpleasant man who enjoyed being disgruntled. Sam still couldn't understand it though. Yea, sure, people would have off days or periods of stress at CatCo but, overall, every single person there was happy to be at work. Sam had never seen anything like it. It was like the twilight zone.

Five days working gave Sam all the proof she needed to support her theory on CatCo's company-wide chipper attitude policy. Five days of smiles and excited small talk, sincere greetings. She struggled and fumbled with it all but she was getting better. Kara did have to swoop in to save her a few times though. Sam couldn't even bring herself to be mad when she did. Each time she was sorely in need of saving. Luckily, it seemed like the employees on Sam's floors found her awkward stumbling to be charming. Most of them were beginning to laugh it off.

Sam hated it. She hated being thought of as less. There was the image Sam projected and that image was a badass who would hit you as soon as thank you. There was no charmingly awkward mail jockey who wore cardigans and flats. She was almost itching to get to the bar and regain who she was with each downed shot and glass of beer.

"Hey." Alex greeted from the kitchen as Sam all but stomped through the door. She grunted in return. Her sister chuckled at her. "Still not liking it, huh?"

"Nope." Sam answered. She crouched beside her bag and started digging through it. Once she found what she was looking for, she continued her stomping into the bathroom to change. She could feel Alex's amusement coming from her kitchen.

As annoying as she was being at the moment, Sam had to admit things were going well between the three Danvers. If her shopping trip with Kara hadn't included shopping then it would've been enjoyable, and, she and Alex had only bickered a few times since their dinner at the DEO, not counting their argument about Sam talking to their mom. Sam still felt out of place around them but it was getting better. Alex and Kara were going to great lengths to make sure of that and Sam had to admit it was working, even if she still wanted to fight them for every inch of better they got. Old habits and all that.

"It's horrible." Sam said after collapsing on the couch, her arm thrown over her face. She tried to soak in the feel of her jeans and t-shirt and boots. Get a sense of herself again. "They're all like Kara. Every single one of them."

Alex's laugh came from much closer than Sam was expecting. She moved her arm and found her sister standing behind the couch, above her. Yogurt in hand and spoon in mouth. "That's CatCo for ya. I honestly wouldn't be able to put up with that every day so good for you."

"Can't I just come run mail for the DEO? It's darker and people don't talk as much there." Alex laughed louder at that. Sam kept a lid on her own smile, only letting it turn her lips up slightly.

"We don't get a whole lot of mail, Sam, and if we do, it's a special delivery type thing." Sam sighed dramatically. "Have you started looking for something else? If you hate it so much, you probably should."

Her tone was still bossy and 'better than thou' but Sam ignored it because they were doing better. Alex was trying to help. She was bossy by nature. Don't get mad. And, she had a point but had Sam looked? Not even once. She looked up at Alex with a sheepish smile instead of answering which led Alex into an eye roll before she walked away.

"You can't complain about it if you aren't going to do anything to fix the problem."

"I'm gonna fix it!" Sam sat up and watched her sister move around her kitchen. "Why are you home so early?"

"Nice subject change. Very subtle." Alex gave her an unimpressed look but let the conversation go where Sam wanted. "It isn't exactly early."

"No but you usually aren't home when I get home."

Alex shrugged. "Bar night, remember?"

"Of course, I've been waiting for this since the moment I walked into CatCo on Monday. I figured you'd be at Maggie's or something though."

"I wanted to head out to the bar with you."

"Why?" The question came out harsher than Sam meant but it surprised her. The idea that Alex would take time away from her girlfriend who she was so clearly in love with during their honeymoon period was unsettling. They were better, sure, but they didn't do this.

Alex stopped tidying her kitchen and looked at Sam. Her eyebrows up and, maybe, a little hurt on her face. Sam felt bad. She wasn't going to let on to that feeling though. Her walls were coming back up now and she refuse to fight them.

"You make it sound like it's absurd that I'd want to spend time with you."

"Isn't it?"

Alex scoffed and resumed wiping down the counter. "Would you rather I went with Maggie?"

"I don't know. No." Sam wasn't enjoying the clash of resistance and want of time with her sister that she was feeling.

"Then why are you acting like this?" She laid her rag over the faucet with a chuckle and walked over to Sam. "We both don't have to act like anything. We don't even have to act like sisters. Let's just go to the bar and have a good night together."

"Yea, okay." Sam said quietly. Alex nodded and gave her a long, hard look.

"Okay. I'm gonna change then we'll head out."

The bar Alex was leading them into was…homey. A true dive bar but not as grimy or sticky as Sam was used to it. It was a lot more cheerful too. And crowded. With aliens; which, really, she expected since Kara called it the alien bar but Sam hasn't been around too many aliens. She's met a few, she grew up with Kara after all but never in her life had she been around this many different kinds of aliens. Sam didn't know where to look. Everywhere she did, it felt like she was staring and despite her apparent lack of manners, she knew better than that.

"Just relax." Alex mumbled, leaning toward Sam. "It's a little overwhelming at first, I know."

Sam didn't have time to respond before Kara was waving them over to a table full of people she didn't know. A new overwhelming feeling replacing her sense of minority. She noticed Maggie and relaxed a little. That was one more person she already knew. And, surprisingly, J'onn.

"Hey guys!" Kara bounded up and into Alex's arms before pulling Sam into a hug. Still not used to it, Sam tensed and froze before she let her hands clumsily pat Kara's back.

Kara didn't let Sam get far. She kept her hand wrapped around Sam's arm as she spun to face the table. Alex was somehow both amused and apologetic by the display. Sam was just uncomfortable.

"Everyone! This is our little sister, Sam. Sam, this is everyone." Kara proceeded to point out each individual and Sam categorized them in her head. "That's Mon-el." Scruffy Ken doll. "Winn." Nerdy hobbit. "James." Bald body builder. "and then you know Maggie and I guess you know J'onn too."

There were a chorus of greetings and smiles, all extremely warm and welcoming. She gave a lame wave back. Not sure what else to do. Sam didn't do 'extremely warm and welcoming.'

"Sit, sit, sit." Kara tried to corral her but the only open chair, Sam assumed, was Kara's but then J'onn was standing with a smile and offering his seat.

"I am actually going up to head out. You can have my seat, Sam." She nodded her thanks. "It's nice to see you again."

"Yea, same." The response was weak and Sam mentally began bolstering her confidence. Like hell she'd let her sisters' friends intimidate her. They were just people. Who probably knew all about her. So, while bolstering that confidence she also constructed her bitchy walls.

Maggie slid a drink over to Sam as she got up to offer her own seat to Alex and pull another up at the corner between Alex and James. Sam gave her a smile in thanks.

"So, Sam. How are you liking National City so far?" James asked with a smile. His voice was smooth and friendly. He felt like a more toned down version of Kara. Like if Kara was a puppy, James was the older, calmer family dog. Sam mentally scoffed at herself for the comparison then realized she was taking too long to answer.

She shrugged noncommittally. "It's alright. There are worse places I could end up."

"That's true." James tipped his glass toward her as he settled back in his chair, taking a drink.

The table picked up conversation. A couple going at the same time but somehow, they were all a part of each of them. Sam mostly listened, watched, participated when they deliberately brought her into it. Mostly it was Kara who tried to include her. Maggie from time to time.

She watched Kara slowly become affected by whatever it was she was drinking. Sam didn't think that was possible. Once, when they were in high school, Kara tried to drink with Sam and that's how they found out alcohol had no effect on her. She burned it out too fast. Sam had laughed hysterically at the time. She did not burn it out too fast and was drunk off her ass. She still has no idea why it was so funny but at the time, it was pure gold.

But tonight, all the signs were there. Kara's cheeks were flushed. Her eyes crinkled too much with each smile that came easier than normal. An impressive feat since Kara was always ready with a smile. Sam was also interested to find that she leaned a little more to her right and into Scruffy Ken Doll. He had a nice smile, Sam guessed, but something about him seemed slimy. A predatory glint in his eye like he was staking a claim with each smile or joke toward Kara.

Sam was quick to break up that little bubble they were putting themselves in. "I thought you couldn't get drunk?" She asked with all the tact she didn't have, clomping right over whatever Scruffy Ken Doll was saying to her sister. No guy should ever act that way toward a woman. That's why she was saying something. She'd do so for anyone else. It actually had nothing to do with Kara. Not at all.

"Me either until I came here! They have alien alcohol!" Sam chuckled at how excited Kara was about it. It was like someone turned the sun up with each drink that settled into her system. Kara sighed contently. "I really like it here."

"I can tell." Sam let her intrusion stop there but made sure to let her glare linger on Scruffy. He looked confused but didn't say anything. He didn't get a chance to. Nerdy Hobbit…Winn, Sam corrected herself. He hadn't done anything yet to deserve her sole use of nickname. Winn was looking between them, pulling Scruffy into whatever he was discussing with James.

Kara hadn't noticed anything. Her sister was leaning forward on the table and talking across Sam to Alex and Maggie. She leaned back and sipped her drink, again watching the flow of conversation. She laughed a few times at what Kara was talking about and Kara beamed at her, no longer trying to hide her excitement at Sam's participation. The alcohol was to blame on both of their lack subtlety.

The night wore on with more drinks and random deliveries of fries and wings and onion rings, other baskets of bar food. Their table wasn't rowdy but they weren't quiet either. The friends laughed and talked over each other, argued good-naturedly. Sam was pulled out of her quiet observation by Alex leaving the table and Maggie sliding over into her chair next to Sam.

"A little different than our last time at a bar, huh?" Sam nodded. "Having fun?"

"Yea, it's alright. Kind of a lot to take in."

"You'll get used to it. They're good people."

"How's, uh. Uh, not being on nights?" Sam tried. Maggie had been wearing at her walls the past week and Sam wasn't sure why but she didn't want to try so hard against her sister's girlfriend.

Maggie's head tipped back as she groaned. "Oh my god, it's amazing."

"If you hate it so much, why don't you ask to _not_ be scheduled for them?"

"Normally," Maggie faced her again, "that would work but once a month everyone takes a week of night shifts. Something about it being fair or whatever. I don't really know but it's our station's policy that everyone gets a night shift."

"Oh."

Maggie shrugged. "It's not the worst, I guess. How about you? How's CatCo's newest mail…what's it called, a mail jockey?"

"Yea. Mail Jockey. It's not the worst either, I guess."

"Alex says you hate it." Maggie smiled at her, knowing and dimply. Sam wasn't even annoyed that Alex was talking about her. Not with the vibe Maggie gave off about the whole thing. She was so casual and laid back. Quite the match for her sister.

Sam laughed and tipped her head back and forth but it was Kara who responded. All big blue eyes and pout. "You hate working at CatCo?"

"Uh…no, definitely not. It's just, I don't _hate_ it." Sam spluttered. She kind of did hate it though but she didn't want to admit that to Kara. It was really nice of her, and helpful, that she got Sam a job. "It's, ya know, it's different than what I'm used to is all."

"Uh oh." Alex looked between the two with a smile. "What happened?"

"Sam hates CatCo." Kara turned her pout to Alex. "How can she hate CatCo? It's the greatest place to work in the history of the world."

"Sorry." Maggie said under her breath to Sam.

Alex leaned across Maggie to be closer to the intoxicated and pouting Kryptonian. "Kara, she doesn't hate it. You know if Sam hated it, she would quit. And she just said she didn't, right?"

"Yea, I heard you don't really do anything you should." Sam bristled as Maggie and Alex cringed. She turned her attention across the table to a wide-eyed Winn…no, Nerdy Hobbit who had voiced his almost question.

"Excuse me?" Her voice must have let on to her level of annoyance because everyone was jumping into action before the two words completely left her mouth.

"Winn!" Kara scolded. Even James was butting in.

"Come on, dude."

"Maybe you should come help me get the next round." Alex suggested to Winn. Sam didn't have to look to know her expression left no room for a refusal. It was clear in her voice.

Maggie was pulling Sam up from her chair. "Let's grab that open table, Baby Danvers. We'll start a game and your sister can play winner."

Sam let it all happen. Her eyes burning a hole into Nerdy Hobbit until Maggie turned her away from their table to a pool table. She patted Sam's back a few times before putting space between them.

"Winn didn't mean anything by that. Don't let him bother you."

"Sure."

She was handed two cues as Maggie moved around to rack. Talking the whole time. "Winn's smart but sometimes he talks without thinking, even less when he's been drinking. Really, just don't worry about him."

Sam did her best to let it go. Moving it to the back of her mind where it was just a prick of annoyance. She decided they needed a subject change. Maybe another drink too. Because there were lots of things she thought less about when drinking. None of them boded well for Nerdy Hobbit.

Alex came just in time with both. Well, not so much a subject change but with a drink and the opportunity for something else to talk about. Sam took the beer bottle with a tight-lipped smile, puling the strands of her good mood together as best she could.

"You okay?"

"I'll be a lot more okay if we stop talking about it and move on to something else."

"Right, got it."

Nothing. Alex stood awkwardly, looking around the bar. Sam rolled her eyes. She looked back at their table, made sure they weren't listening. "Do they know about you two?"

Alex's attention snapped back to Sam. "Why do you ask that?"

"Because at home," Alex grinned at Sam's use of 'home' in reference to her apartment. She hadn't been there long and it'd be tense at best between them but it still felt nice. "You can't keep your hands to yourself. Here, with them," Sam pointed with her beer back at the table, "you are real careful about not touching at all."

"Huh." Maggie stood from racking, hands still on the triangle. "I thought we were doing a pretty good job at acting normal."

Alex was now recounting every interaction she and Maggie had around their friends. She thought they were doing pretty well too but apparently not if Sam noticed after one night.

Sam shrugged. "Maybe to them but I kind of live with you guys."

"We…well, _I_ haven't told them yet. I, uh, I wanna wait a little bit, I don't know."

"You're fine, babe." Maggie said, her hand resting minutely on Alex's shoulder as she walked by to break.

"Yea, no." Sam's hands came up in front of her. "I didn't mean anything by it. Just asking."

Their conversation would have died there if not for Maggie. One of the many, many reasons Alex was falling for her. Where Alex, and Sam, lacked in social aptitude between each other, Maggie excelled. Alex didn't want to think where her and Sam would be the past week if Maggie hadn't been there to inadvertently keep the peace. She was sure their bickering would have been straight-out yelling and storming out, and that was being generous.

They played a couple games. The drinks kept coming at a steady flow. As did their friends. Winn even made his way over with a nervous apology for Sam who simply glared at him in response. Alex wanted to scold her for it but she was slowly learning that that wasn't her place. Anyway, if someone she didn't know made such a blunt assumption about her, she would have probably reacted in a similar manner.

After soundly beating both Maggie and Sam multiple times, Alex excused herself. The two opting to stay and play another game. She sat next to Kara, opposite of where she had sat originally, so she could watch her sister and her girlfriend. It amazed her how at ease Sam was with Maggie. She shouldn't be surprised, Maggie was good with people but she couldn't help it.

She also wanted to keep an eye on Sam's drink. She had kept a steady pace up. More than anyone else there. Alex had cut herself off a while ago. The whole cutting down thing but Sam was still going strong. She laughed and sipped and was solid as she circled the table and lined up her shots. Alex wouldn't be concerned if she hadn't been keeping tabs.


	17. Chapter 17

Maggie laughed as Sam sunk the eight ball and fist pumped and cheered, "Finally!"

"Yea, yea. Let's keep it down over there. You won one game."

"I think that deserves even more celebration." Sam pointed out. Making Maggie laugh again. She had to admit, she liked Baby Danvers when she wasn't trying to be anything. It didn't happen often enough. "I didn't get blown out. When losing, that's the next best thing."

"Touché." Their table of friends had thinned, Winn and Mon-El disappearing, but Alex, Kara, and James were still chatting and seemed content. She circled around to rack again. "One more?"

"Yea." Sam nodded and gestured back to their table. "I'm gonna go see if they need another round. You want another?"

"Nah, I'm good."

Sam walked back and was pleased to see that Scruffy Ken Doll and Nerdy Hobbit were gone. That tiny prick of annoyance from Nerdy Hobbit was almost nonexistent with that realization. More easily ignored. She even smiled at the remaining table inhabitants as she stopped in front of them.

"I'm getting another drink. Do you guys need anything?"

"Maybe just one more." Kara answered, looking into her glass.

"Since you're offering." James joked. "Thanks."

"I'm good and maybe you should be too, Sam."

Good mood ruined. She looked at Alex, noted her nervous eyes and fidgeting hands. "Ya know, maybe I should but I'm definitely getting another drink."

Alex watched her sister stomp off. She sighed. It probably shouldn't have been said. Alex wasn't sure why she thought their first good night out together was the time and place to comment out-right on Sam's drinking.

She was stiff at the bar, waiting on her order to be filled her. Didn't talk to anyone. Ignored the people around her. Sam was closing in and it was Alex's fault. Kara nudged her with an elbow.

"Let it go, Alex. If you do, she will."

She looked away as Sam turned from the bar, walked over, and deposited James's and Kara's drinks. Then watched her go back over to Maggie. Less engaged, face guarded again. Maggie met her eyes across the bar with a small shrug that Alex shook her head in response to.

The night had lost its glow. Sam was pissed, Alex felt bad, and Kara was a pouting drunk because of it. James tried to comfort her and Alex only half listened. Maggie was struggling to get Sam out of her funk. They all probably needed to call it a night.

No sooner had Alex thought it, did shit hit the fan. A man behind Sam bent over to line up and take his shot and ended up pulling his cue back into her. Alex didn't hear what he said but it must not have been an apology with the way Sam's face contorted into her 'I'm about to hit you' expression.

Sure enough, Alex watched Sam say something back as she stood and made her way over. The man straightened, much bigger than Alex thought he was, much bigger than Sam, and looked down as he spoke down to her. Bad decision, Alex thought. It only riled Sam up more.

Maggie was between them and trying to talk to man down by the time Alex reached them. She didn't say anything as she grabbed Sam's arm, pulling back to throw a punch, and dragged her out of the bar. Sam was livid.

"Get off me!" Sam snapped at her, wrenching her arm away from Alex as soon as they stepped out into the alley.

"What are you doing!?" Alex snapped back. "You can't just come in here and cause trouble! This is a bar we come to often. We'd like to be able to come back."

" _I_ didn't do anything! That guy did. Sorry for not letting him talk to me like I'm shit."

"You don't have to but you also don't have to make a fight out of it!"

Sam started walking out of the alley. Away from Alex. She followed. They weren't done with this conversation, not yet.

"Go away, Alex."

"No. Not until you hear me out." Sam rounded on her. Ready for a fight as always. "What? Are you going to hit me too?"

"I haven't hit anybody! If that douche hadn't said anything then I wouldn't even have cared that his cue hit me!"

"You almost did! If I hadn't got there in time, you were going to throw a punch. You can't fight everyone who's rude to you, Sam. That's not a plausible strategy." Alex lowered her voice, tried to really get through. Make Sam understand that, now that her anger had ebbed, she was trying to help.

"I don't want to fight everyone."

"It sure seems like it."

"Well I don't." Sam bit at her. Alex held her hands out in what she hoped would be calming.

"Okay, you're right. Maybe you don't _want_ to fight everyone but you still act like you do. Why?"

"Why do you act like you have a massive stick up your ass? Same reason, It's just in my nature."

"I do not…" Alex trailed off into a deep breath. She would not rise to Sam's bait. "This is exactly what I'm talking about. You said you don't want to fight everyone so here I am, trying to figure out why you do so we can fix it but all you're doing is being a dick."

"Can't teach an old dog new tricks."

"You're 22, Sam. That's hardly old."

She didn't say anything back and that surprised Alex. She expected some sort of asshole retort. Instead, Sam crossed her arms and looked away. Maybe it was a sign she was trying. At the very least it seemed like she might listen to what Alex was saying.

"It isn't the end of the world to get mad or…or to have other feelings. It's normal, ya know."

"Pot." Sam pointed at Alex then at herself. "Kettle."

That made Alex laugh. "I am not as bad as you are. And, Maggie's helped me a lot with…I don't know, expressing myself. I guess." Alex threw her hands up in a shrug. "Whatever you want to call it, it's helped me. Talking things out, letting yourself feel, helps."

"So what?" Sam was skepticism and confusion. "You want me to say that guy in there hurt my feelings or whatever? He didn't. He just pissed me off."

"That's exactly what I want you to say. He pissed you off. Be pissed off but handle it. Or be sad if that's how you feel! If you lock it away or refuse to feel it, things don't turn out well. You fight." Sam scoffed and tried to interrupt but Alex rose her voice enough to talk over her. "And I drink or work. Usually a mix of both. I'm not trying to point out _your_ flaw, Sam. We both do it."

Sam rolled her eyes but didn't try walking away or arguing again. A good sign. Alex put a hand on Sam's shoulder. "So? Talk things out, let yourself feel. It'll help." She repeated herself with a quick tilt of her head and a smile. She hoped Sam would find it more funny than invasive.

Another good sign: Sam didn't shake off her hand. She didn't start talking but she didn't move away from Alex. That was enough to keep her trying. Sam was kind of like a rabbit. If Alex pushed too fast, she'd dart away. Alex was learning from this past week, and mostly from Maggie, that if she let Sam have time, work it out for herself, she'd usually come around. Maybe not as much as Alex wanted but more than Sam initially would.

They stood there for an antagonizingly long time. Alex wanted to fidget, shift her weight but she would be a rock for her sister. The sister that was currently drumming two fingers on her bicep were her crossed arm came to an end and barely shifted her stance every few seconds.

Finally, Sam spoke. "He didn't say anything about me."

Interesting. "Then what'd he say?"

Sam hesitated again. Her eyes darting to and from Alex's. It'd be cute how nervous she was if Alex hadn't just had to drag her out of the bar.

"Well, at first he told me that it'd be in my interest to stay out of his way."

"What did you say back?"

"That it'd be in his interest to shut the hell up." Sam smiled a little awkward, a little apologetic. It was a very Sam comeback that pulled a laugh out of Alex. She shook her head.

"That's not even a good one." Alex's hand bobbed up with Sam's shrug.

"Most of them aren't. A comeback doesn't have to be good to piss someone off."

"Then what did he say?" Sam clammed back up. Nervous and it made Alex nervous too. What could that man have possibly said to get her gung-ho sister to be so nervous about some words? She looked away from Alex again and Alex ducked down to catch her eyes. "Hey. It's okay, whatever he said, you can tell me."

"It was about you…and Maggie too I guess."

"You guess?" Alex tensed and relaxed at the same time. An odd feeling. She could assume what the man said if it was about her and Maggie. That was enough to get her own anger boiling but the idea that Sam overstepped for her was nice. Well. Maybe not nice but it was a warm, fuzzy feeling to know her sister had her back even after all their crap.

"I'd rather not tell you."

"Then don't. I'm sure I could make a few guesses anyways." Alex paused and tried to decide how to proceed. There were a couple options. Keep talking about the almost fight. Thank her for having her back. Go home. They wouldn't go back in. Alex guessed that Maggie, Kara, and James would be out soon anyways. Option two then three it was.

The plan didn't make it any easier to start talking. "So, um…thanks."

"For what?"

"You were about to throw hands with that huge alien over whatever he said about me and Maggie. I'm not at _all_ happy about the fight but it's nice to know you have my back."

"Oh, well…yea. I may be a jerk but other people can't say shit about you."

Alex brought her other hand up to wrap her arms around Sam. Quick and brief. "Same."

Their separation was escalated by the squeal that erupted behind them. Alex spun around and she could feel the distance Sam put between them with a step back. Her heart pounded but slowed when she came face to face with Kara. Maggie and James smiling behind her.

Kara slung an arm awkwardly around Alex and dragged her over to Sam to whom she did the same, pulling them into a group hug. Alex was resigned to her fate but Sam squirmed and tried to get out of it after just a few seconds. Kara held tight.

"You guys!" Alex winced at Kara's volume level so close to her ear. "This is so great! We're all here and we're having so much fun!"

"I'd have a lot more fun if you'd let me go." Sam grumbled, not sharp enough to be a snap but damn close to it.

"Kara," Alex stepped in. She was eager to keep things going well after she just salvaged most of the night. "Why don't you let us go? You're using your super strength a little bit."

"Sorry!" Kara pulled back quickly. She smiled wide at both of them and Alex couldn't help the laugh that bubbled out. She thought drunk Kara was hilarious. She reached her hand out to Maggie who came closer to take it. James following and standing next to Kara.

"What now?"

"Let's go back to my apartment! We can watch a movie!"

"Little Danvers," Maggie started, incredulously, lifting her and Alex's hands to check her watch, "it's almost midnight. I don't think any of us are up for a movie."

"Yea, I'm out too." James agreed. "I'm exhausted."

That's when Sam surprised Alex for the second time that night. Her voice was a little weak, like she was embarrassed of her input. "I could go for a movie. Um, actually, I could stay at Kara's tonight. If that's, like, okay."

"Really!?" Kara bounced over to Sam and took one hand in both of hers. Still bouncing on her heels as she looked excitedly at their little sister. Sam shrugged and nodded, taking her hand more gently than Alex has ever seen out of Kara's and the smallest step back from her. Alex leaned toward Maggie.

"What just happened?" She whispered. Maggie chuckled and leaned in as well.

"Don't question it, Danvers. Just go with it."

Maggie was right. Alex knew better than to look a gift horse in the mouth. And this, Sam agreeing so easily to Kara, was in fact a gift. As was having her apartment to herself for the night but more importantly, Sam and Kara.


	18. Chapter 18

Another week at CatCo. Another week of Sam wanting to set the building on fire. There were bright spots, like Kara's floor. People were nicer to her up there because of Kara and James. They were more readily friendly. But the 41st floor was hell and don't even get Sam started on the 38th. The former was the printing press. For some insane reason, Cat Grant wanted it to be as close to her office as possible. It was hot and loud; the workers down there were always running around and in a hurry. None of them had set places they worked from. Sam had to wander around until she found each person. It took her the longest out of any of the floors. The latter, the 38th floor, was where CatCo's attorneys and accountants set up shop. Sam just wasn't a fan of any of them. Lawyers had never done her any favors and most of the accountants were old and seasoned and boring.

There was no real reason to complain though and Sam tried damn hard not to. Out loud. Or to Kara. Alex was fair game.

Sam collapsed onto the couch, as was her new after work routine. It was closer to nine than her normal eight. Alex wasn't home which meant one of two things: she was at Maggie's or still at work. She guessed work since her sister usually let her know if she wouldn't be staying. Sam sighed and sank further into the couch. Her feet ached and her back hurt. She was getting out of shape. That realization brought another sigh out of her. This one resigned to the fact that she needed to start working out again. Which would suck on top of her long days at CatCo.

Sometime later the sound of Alex's key scraped the lock and then the door was opening. Sam hadn't moved from the couch nor did she acknowledge Alex's entrance. She listened as Alex moved around her entrance then kitchen. Dropping her keys, taking off her jacket and boots, opening the fridge. It didn't seem like Alex was going to notice her.

"Hey." Sam said without looking over. There was a sharp intake of breath and the sharp clink of Alex's glass on the counter.

"Shit Sam!" Sam chuckled as Alex forced a steady breath out. She could only imagine what Alex looked like: hand pressed to her chest and annoyed.

"I thought government agents were like observant and shit."

"Not in my own home. Damnit…" Alex trailed off and laughed too. "I didn't even see you."

"Probably because I'm trying to move as little as possible."

"Rough day?" Alex asked as she sat on the other end of the couch. Sam shrugged and nodded but Alex was obviously waiting for her to elaborate. They waited a little longer before she asked again. "And why exactly was it a rough day?"

"I'm sore and those pencil pushers on the 38th are assholes."

"I can't imagine you'd have to deal with them much except the initial drop-off then pick-ups."

"Oh, you'd be surprise how much mail they have even though CatCo has no open cases against them or for them."

"And how do you know that?"

"I pay attention when I walk through, pick up some information."

"Sounds like you're more observant than this government agent." Sam smiled at the joke. She was going to ask how Alex's day was but there was something else that had been bothering her. Something they needed to talk about even though she was nervous to.

Anyone could see that the past two weeks showed definite progress for Alex, Kara, and Sam. Even the bar, with its mishaps, went well. Sam found it easier to talk to her sisters without feeling the need to close in or disengage. She wasn't ready to share her deepest, darkest thoughts and feelings but she was willing to stop hiding the day-to-day things that she used to just to be petty.

"What are you thinking about?" Alex asked, softly like she knew it would break whatever peace they had between them in the moment. Sam hadn't realized how long she had been quiet.

"Dad."

"Oh."

"Yea. We never really talked about him since you told me."

"What, uh…what about him?"

"Is he okay?"

Alex shrugged and leaned back into the couch, looking away from Sam. "As well as he can be. Cadmus aren't exactly the good guys."

"Is he?"

That had Alex's eyes whipping back to Sam. A little confusion, a little anger. "Is he _what_ , Sam?"

"Is he still a good guy? I mean…I don't know, Alex. You said they forced him to work for them. It's been like 15 years. That's a long time."

"So you think he, what, just started working for them because he wants to help them now?"

"I don't know. This is your wheelhouse, not mine. That's why I'm asking."

"He's not. He saved Kara. And Mon-El. He wouldn't save them if he turned." Alex looked away again. Sam watched her eyes narrow and her head shake. Then she turned back to Sam. "I can't believe you! He's our _father_. How could you even ask that?"

"Because I don't know anything about any of this. I don't even really know what Cadmus is except the bad guys."

"They want aliens eradicated from Earth."

"Okay, yea, that's a definite bad guy goal. Look, I'm not trying to say anything bad about Dad. It was more about how evil or whatever Cadmus is." Alex nodded curtly. "Do we know anything about where he is now? Or how he is?"

"No. I've been looking but I haven't found anything. Cadmus has been quiet which makes it harder. They know he helped Kara though. I'm worried what they'll do to him."

Neither said anything after that. Alex knew exactly what Cadmus was capable of, what they probably did to their father. She assumed Sam was aware of it on some level. She may not know Cadmus but Alex was sure she was familiar with the type of people who do things like Cadmus does.

Alex felt like she needed to fill the silence. That's when she remembered what Kara asked her to do earlier. She almost laughed she felt so relieved for a subject change.

"So," Alex started, drawing out the word so Sam would look at her, "usually Kara and I have sister night every week but things have been busy so we haven't in a while. Kara was wondering if you were free on Sunday. We usually watch some movies or binge watch something on Netflix, eat pizza and ice cream. Nothing fancy."

"You want me to come?"

"Of course." Alex scoffed.

"It's cool if it's a you and Kara thing."

"It's a sister thing, Sam, and you just so happen to be our sister. We want you there."

She could see that Sam was uncomfortable. Things were going well but the affection was still a lot for her. It broke Alex's heart. She knew Sam felt alienated from their family, has for a while, but she always thought it was in part because of her own decision to be. Now she realized that Sam felt that she wasn't wanted. Had she known the depth of their issues, Alex wouldn't have let them get so bad.

"Sunday?" Alex nodded with a gentle smile. "It's not like I have a full social calendar."

"I promise it's fun."

"Right. Well, I'm going to change and shower and then eat. Did you have dinner yet?"

"With Maggie, yea. I can order something for you while you change if you want."

"Sure." Sam shrugged and walked away. "Surprise me."

'Surprise me' was a dangerous request. Alex smirked as she thought of what to get Sam. She slid the takeout drawer open and spread out the various menus she kept on hand. She knew what Sam didn't like, had been reacquainted with her eating habits since Alex had taken most of her recent meals with her little sister. She'd stay away from anything that would piss Sam off but that didn't mean she couldn't order her something random. Like Thai food. Or maybe Mexican. Sam almost never ate Mexican food, something Alex would never understand.

That's when it hit her. Curry. Sam was getting chicken curry for dinner. Alex wasn't even sure Sam had ever tried curry before. It was the perfect surprise. A lame and so small not-even-a-joke to play on Sam. Alex was excited about it.


	19. Chapter 19

Kara flitted around her apartment. She was beyond excited. In the past, during sister night, Kara would wonder what it would be like to have both her sisters there, and happy. She thought it had been a pipe dream but now, it was coming true. Everything needed to be perfect! But not too perfect or forced because she didn't want to scare Sam away. She was like a little bunny. No fast movements. Kara laughed at her comparison. Sam would definitely fight her on it.

She had two pizzas waiting in the kitchen. Three pints of ice cream in the freezer. The pizza was pepperoni. The ice cream was chocolate chip cookie dough, Alex's favorite, mint chocolate chip, Kara's, and cookies and cream, Sam's. At least that used to be Sam's favorite. Kara was willing to bet it still was. She really hoped it still was. She even had beer, just in case. She hoped neither sister would take her up on that offer though. Alex was actively cutting down and Sam was unknowingly being rounded into that same decision.

Her phone buzzed and she picked it up just as her door opened. Kara couldn't help the explosion of a smile that happened, barely noticed it. She didn't even acknowledge her sisters until Alex started talking.

"Who are you texting that has you smiling like that?" She teased.

"Oh, be quiet. It's just Lena." And it was just Lena responding about nothing in particular. Just a casual conversation she had started up with Kara. Currently, they were debating pizza toppings.

"Uh-huh." Alex answered. Kara wasn't able to decode that before Sam was adding to their conversation.

"That's your Luthor friend, right? I haven't met her yet."

"You'll like her!" Kara replied excitedly. She really thought, and hoped, Sam would. They had that whole distant but warm underneath thing going for them. Lena was just a bit more squishy than Sam was. Easier to find her gooey center. As to why Sam had yet to meet her was beyond Kara. She asked, confused and like it was an affront to all humanity, "Why haven't you met her?"

"We haven't had game night longer than sister night. Things have been busy." Alex answered as she moved their greasy dinner into the living room. She sat in the middle of the couch by habit and Kara on one side of her. Sam paused then turned toward Kara's armchair.

"Ah, ah. Nope." Kara bumped Alex's shoulder to get her to scoot. "The couch is official sister night seating."

Sam abided by the new, and only, sister night rule. Kara never thought much about the size of her couch but it was feeling a bit small. Not for her, no, but probably for Sam.

"What are we watching tonight? You never answered my text about it." Alex said around a bite. Kara didn't answer her right away. Sam was stiff and awkward. Not going for pizza, not settling back into the couch. Just perched there like she didn't know what to do.

This called for desperate measures. "Sam, do you want a drink? Alex says you can't have pizza without beer. I actually forgot I bought some."

"You bought beer?" Alex asked, again around a bite of pizza. "I want one."

"Sam?"

"Uh, sure. Thanks."

"Two beers coming right up!"

Kara handed one to each sister then got herself comfortable again. No pizza for her until she had something playing though. She hated a greasy remote.

"As for what we're watching, I thought we could watch _Parks and Rec_? Assuming you haven't started it yet." Kara looked at Alex. She had been trying to get her sister to watch it forever. Alex just smiled at her. "Thought not. Sam?"

"That's fine."

"Perfect!" Kara set it up then leaned forward for a slice. Before she pulled back though she grabbed another with her other hand, extending it to Sam who took it with a small smile.

Kara laughed openly at the show, Alex chuckling beside her. From time to time the oldest Danvers would bust up and that made Kara laugh too. Sam was more subdued. Her chuckle was only a smile and busting up was a quiet chuckle. Kara knew she was holding back. Keeping things under wraps but that was okay because she was there and she wasn't acting like she didn't want to be.

"Can I have another beer?" She asked quietly into their second episode. Alex heard and offered to get it. Kara was happy for that. She didn't know how to answer. They agreed to keep an eye on Sam's drinking but did that mean Kara was supposed to regulate it? Let it go until she was out of control and they knew it?

After two more beers Kara did regulate it. Under the pretense of beer and ice cream didn't go together. Sam rolled her eyes but obeyed without complaint. A good sign Kara thought.

They dug into the ice cream in the middle of season one, letting Sam's pallet be thoroughly cleansed of the taste of beer. Sam smiled at her carton when Kara handed it to her and it made Kara's night. The smile was soft and surprised and Sam didn't really hide it.

Alex and Kara followed their usual routine. A few bites then switch. Kara took Alex's but passed it toward Sam instead of keeping it for herself but Sam didn't notice. She bumped her arm and Sam looked at Kara then down at the ice cream. She didn't do anything else.

"Take this and give me that."

"Why?"

"Because we trade them."

"Why?"

"So Kara doesn't have to pick just one kind." Alex answered without looking away from the TV.

"Okay…" Sam didn't sound convinced or like she understood but she handed over her carton and took Alex's, eating some of it after only a second of hesitation. "You guys are weird."

"Blame the Kryptonian." Alex said again without looking over, fanning her spoon out sideways toward Kara.

Kara just shrugged and enjoyed her second flavor of ice cream of the night. They traded again. Alex with Sam's, Sam with Kara's, and Kara with Alex's. Kara couldn't help the smile that wouldn't leave her face, and it wasn't because of the comedy they were watching. This was a _good_ night. All good. No 'even with insert-chaotic-event-here.'

Two episodes into season two, Kara felt Sam lean into her. Surprised was the understatement of the century. It dissipated when she looked over though. Sam's eyes were closed and her mouth was open just slightly, her head hovering over Kara's shoulder where hers was pressed up against. Kara turned to point it out to Alex only to find her passed out too, and cuddled up to the couch arm. Not for the first time, Kara thought how alike the two were


	20. Chapter 20

**"We can be Heroes" – A/N: I'm not going to rewrite the episodes unless I want Sam in a particular scene. Especially since she isn't a superhero, DEO, or NCPD. I'll put the title in case you want to google a summary of the episode to refresh your memory. I'll also put details and stuff of anything I'm referring to as best I can. It might make more sense to me since I'm the one writing so let me know if anything is confusing.**

Sam had barely seen her sisters the past two days. When she had seen Kara at work, she was stressed and on edge. Ready to snap. Not the Sunny Danvers the entire world knew and loved. She assumed it had something to do with what had been all over the news. Livewire.

She would have asked Alex, or even Maggie, but she saw less of them. Alex didn't get home until well past when Sam was asleep and her leaving was Sam's wake up in the morning. When they had found time to speak, Sam kept it simple and light. She could see the stress in Alex's face even if she was better at hiding it than Kara.

It was a weird feeling going from being mostly alone to being surrounded by her sisters at almost all times for a couple weeks. Sam had preferred being alone but now it was unsettling. Instead of sitting in Alex's empty apartment feeling uncomfortable, Sam decided to up her attempt at getting back in shape. Honestly, she thought it was pathetic. Being a mail jockey was nothing compared to what she had previously done and she refused to let herself slip anymore.

So, Sam ran. She went for a run in the morning and after work. Sometimes when she couldn't sleep at night. During her lunch break if she didn't eat with Kara. Sam ran whenever she could find the time; sometimes making the time. On top of the running, there was a 24-hour gym perfectly down the street from Alex's. She lifted there daily.

Only a couple days in and it wasn't doing her any favors. Her legs screamed all day at work and her upper body protested with every movement no matter how small it was. But Sam knew it would pay off. If who her sisters are and what they do had any indication of what could happen to her, it was better if Sam was ready for it. That was the extra incentive. First, she felt weak and gross. Unlike herself.

The third morning of being woken up by the apartment door shutting, Sam decided it was time to get some answers. Not Alex though because that was a can of stressed worms she didn't want to open. It was her day off from CatCo so she didn't want to go looking for Kara there. The less time Sam had to spend in that awful place the better as far as she was concerned. That meant James was out too. Alex had let slip that he was Guardian, warned Sam that Kara had found out and that it was probably best to steer clear of both of them at work. That had been the most she talked to her sister.

No Alex, Kara, or James left one person that Sam was comfortable going to. Maggie. But Sam took her time. Maggie was just as busy. Her division seemed linked to the DEO and Supergirl so if they were busy than she would be too. She had breakfast, took her time in getting ready, then set out for Maggie's NCPD precinct.

Sam thought she had been doing a phenomenal job staying out of trouble and to stop looking for a fight. She handled the people she didn't like at CatCo with cold politeness and her hours at work kept her busy enough to not make bad decisions out of boredom. That streak was at an end though. It seemed that trouble came looking for her just as much as she looked for it.

As Sam got there, going in the back like Maggie told her she could, a police officer was leading in a man with cuffs. He was probably around Sam's age, not very big. Sam idly wondered what he got collared for. She let the officer go first and had a front row seat to watch the cuffed man's escape.

The officer dropped his keys. "Damnit." He muttered as he bent to pick them up. Loosening his hold enough to give his man the advantage he needed to break the officer's hold on him. He turned and brought his knee up, crashing into the officer's face and sending him to the ground.

Sam froze for only a second. Unsure if she should check on the officer but then Cuffs was making a break for it and there were no other officers around to do anything. The one on the ground was obviously dazed from the knee he took.

Working on autopilot, like she had at the DEO standoff, Sam took off after him. He wasn't quick. Thankfully, because Sam was sore and she didn't feel up to a long chase. She ignored it as she closed the distance and dove to tackle him. Pushing his head into the ground as she moved her knee in between his shoulder blades, pinning him. She grabbed the chain between his cuffs and pulled back. He growled at her but she ignored it.

"Stop struggling. It's only going to make it worse."

"Get the fuck off me!" He yelled at her. He tried to buck his shoulders up but Sam pressed all her weight into her knee.

"Baby Danvers to the rescue again." Sam heard and turned to watch Maggie jog up to them, her gun out but pointed away as she assessed the situation. "Get him up!" She yelled behind her as two officers came to relieve Sam and take the man away.

"You okay?" Maggie asked, holstering her weapon. Sam nodded and put her shaking hands into her back pockets. Not only was she out of shape but she was rusty. Twice now her adrenaline was getting the best of her. The stakes were so much less this time around too. She had no excuse for it. "What can I do for you then? Or are you National City's new vigilante? You need a better costume if that's it."

Sam smiled at her joke, looking down then back up as she spoke. "I, uh, wanted to talk. Can you? I'll be quick."

"If you can hang around for a little bit." Maggie nodded toward where the officers had taken the man. "Since I responded, I have to follow up on him. It shouldn't take too long though. Come on. You can wait at my desk."

Sam _did not_ enjoy waiting at Maggie's desk. Every person who even gave her a passing glance felt like they were judging her. She felt like she had been arrested again. Both of her knees bounced up and down, her hand picking up and tapping a pen Maggie left on her desk. Not taking too long or not, Sam felt like she waited a lifetime before Maggie came back.

Sam tried to stand up and let her have her seat but Maggie waved her back down. Taking the empty chair on the side of her desk. "Sorry about that. And, also, thank you. Thompson is lucky you were there or else burglary would have been shit out of luck."

"No problem."

"I wish I saw it. This is twice now I've missed your G.I. Jane moves."

"I think today was more from watching the NFL than any combat experience I have."

"I'd believe that if the Sharks' defense wasn't a joke."

Sam laughed and faked a cringe. "I can't even argue that."

Maggie laughed too. "So, what did you wanna talk about, Baby Danvers? As much as I would love to sit and chat the day away, I do need to get back to work sooner rather than later. We're a little slammed right now."

"I think that's what I want to talk to you about. Um, I don't really know if you can answer this I guess but are you working on the same things as Alex and Ka– uh, Supergirl?"

"Why don't we go somewhere I can answer your question a little better." Maggie suggested and led Sam to an interrogation room.

"Why do cops use these for private conversations? It's not like someone can't just listen on the other side of that window." Sam pointed at the two-way mirror. Maggie shrugged with a smile.

"An illusion of privacy, I guess. No one will listen in though. Professional courtesy."

"Right."

"As for your question, yes. I'm more on the prison break side. Not what Livewire is up to now that she's out. That's all DEO and Supergirl."

"Who's Livewire?"

"You haven't asked Alex or Kara?" Maggie asked, surprised.

"They seem…on edge."

"Very true." Maggie granted with a tilt of her head. "That's probably because Kara considers Livewire her arch nemesis. She feels responsible. As for Alex, well, you know how she is. She's worried about Kara and they're having trouble tracking Livewire. Then the whole James is Guardian thing.

"Oh, and the whole situation with M'gann. I don't think you've met her yet but she's sort of like J'onn. I don't really know enough to go into detail about it but it has all of them stressed out too."

Sam nodded in understanding, about everything except that last part. None of that made any sense to her. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"I don't think so. Just keep doing what you're doing."

"Keep staying out of trouble you mean." Sam cleared up Maggie's hidden advice with a sarcastic smile. No need to beat around the bush here.

"Yea." Maggie answered. Sam appreciated her honesty. Blunt as it sometimes was, it was better than the extreme tip-toeing a lot of people did around her. She understood why they did it, Sam didn't really give them any evidence that they didn't have to in her past but it was still nice to have Maggie's honesty. "That's something Alex and Kara don't need right now. You're doing really well with that, by the way."

"It's easy when I spend 12 hours a day at work." Sam just wished she was joking. The eight to eight days were getting old fast. An extended lunch break wouldn't keep Sam around much longer.

"Nah, don't sell yourself short. There's trouble to be found anywhere. Especially CatCo Media." Maggie checked her watch, then her phone. "Is there anything else?"

"No, I just wanted to know what was going on."

"Alright, well, I hate to run out on you but duty calls."

"No worries and thanks Maggie."

"No problem, Sam. You can find your way out, right?" Maggie was paying more attention to her phone then Sam as they left the interrogation room so Sam opted to answer instead of going with her trusty nod. "Great. I'll see you later."


	21. Chapter 21

Maggie could have crumbled to her floor as soon as she walked into her apartment later that night. Describing how she felt as simply exhausted didn't cover it. Not only did she have her own work-related chaos going on with Livewire's supposed escape/kidnapping then actual escape but she was also worried about Alex who was worried about Kara and decided that throwing herself into work was the best way to help. Maggie may be a workaholic but she remembers to eat, get at least a little sleep, and do other normal human necessities. Alex wasn't always that mindful of herself.

But now, it was over enough to stop worrying. Maggie could finally just relax for a bit. She'd at least make it to the couch before collapsing though. Scratch that. The couch was too far. Maggie could at least make it to her armchair that was maybe five feet closer than the couch.

She sank into it, feet and head propped up by the arms, and closed her eyes. Letting out a long sigh. It felt too good to be off her feet or not be in a car or sitting in her stupid desk chair.

The relief didn't last long though. A few soft knocks at her door popped her eyes open. Only one person knocked like that…Maggie rolled out of the chair with a groan and answered the door. "Why are you knocking?"

"Oh." Alex answered, half joking. She still had stress tightening the lines around her mouth and eyes. Annoyance trying to be held out of her voice. "Hello to you too."

"Sorry. Hi." Maggie reached out to pull her into the apartment. "I was just confused." Once the door was closed, Maggie's hand still around Alex's wrist, she pulled her into a hug. Except at the crime scene and a few DEO appearances on Maggie's part they hadn't seen each other. Their previous plans to see each other had gotten cancelled with leads. "Hi." Maggie said again.

Alex turned her head to the side on Maggie's shoulder and kissed her neck. "Hi." It was quiet and Maggie barely heard it, felt it more than anything.

They stayed like that for several long minutes. Just enjoying each other. It wasn't until Maggie chuckled that Alex pulled away but only enough to look at her properly. "What?"

"Nothing." Maggie smiled, still laughing a bit. "I was just thinking about how happy I am that you're here because it's been _forever_ since I got to see you last. Al. When's the last time I saw you?"

"Earlier at the DEO." Alex answered the questions with a tint of confusion.

"Mhm. And before that?"

"The crime scene."

"Which was what? Two days ago? God. We're pathetic." Maggie laughed again. "At least I am."

Alex smiled, moving out of Maggie's hug and into the kitchen. "It's both of us. I could barely sleep without you."

"But you did get some sleep, right?" She was worried Alex hadn't. Despite not seeing each other they did text here and there, mostly Maggie reminding Alex to eat and push her to get some sleep. Alex always replied that she would but it was hard to actually know.

"I did." Alex opened the fridge and frowned. "You have nothing to eat."

"Bet there's more in there than at your place." Maggie joked. "I didn't have time to get to the store this week with everything going on."

"You'd actually be surprised. Sam keeps the fridge stocked pretty well. We've just been over here more lately. You haven't gotten to see the wonders of a little sister who likes to eat more than she likes to work."

"She gets it from Kara I'm sure."

Alex moved to lean backwards on the counter, hands braced on either side of her. "Kara is in her own league when it comes to food. What do you wanna do about dinner?"

"Something that delivers. I'm not even sure if I have the energy to walk back to the couch. You might have to carry me, Danvers. It's that serious."

"I'm just as tired!"

"But you're trained for this. I'm just a lowly cop who's been worked to the bone." Maggie shot back dramatically, making Alex laugh and her smile.

"I'll call and order but you're walking yourself to the couch."

Maggie sighed even more dramatically and slouched toward the couch, getting lower and lower to the ground with each step until she was crawling and eventually just laying on her carpet, a few feet away from the couch. Alex giggling behind her.

"Maggie! You are impossible." But Alex didn't come over. Maggie listened to her, presumably, get her phone out because a moment later she was ordering their food. All while Maggie still laid there on the floor. Joke or not, she really didn't want to move now that she was there.

Next, she listened to Alex's steps come closer. Then she felt a foot on either side of her. Maggie kept her eyes closed even if she couldn't keep the smile off her face.

"You are not asleep. Don't even try that." Maggie just hummed in response. She let Alex push her over onto her back. When she was facing up, she cracked an eye open. Alex held both hands out. "Come on, you baby."

She hauled Maggie up to her feet then scooped her up bridal style. Maggie let out a yelp, not actually expecting Alex to carry her anywhere. Alex dumped them both on the couch without much care.

They barely situated themselves into more comfortable positions and neither bothered reaching for the TV remote. Both too tired. Too content.

"Sam stopped by the station today."

"Why?" Alex asked, "She's not in trouble, right? I mean, she's been doing great, kind of amazingly great, and I hate to jinx it but that's still what comes to mind."

"She's fine. No trouble. Actually, she saved the day." Alex looked at Maggie like she was crazy. "She did!"

"What happened?"

"Well," Maggie thought how best to approach it. Alex's reaction to the first time Sam got into a similar situation, the L-Corp heist stand-off, was not a good one. She was worried how she'd react now. Probably better. The stress of the situation has passed, Alex wasn't even there to feel it in the first place.

"I'm not really sure how it all started, I was inside but from the reports, an officer was bringing in a suspect on a couple of break-ins the same time as Sam was coming to see me. The guy got free and tried to run for it, Sam stopped him." Alex sighed and shook her head. Not amused. Maggie hurried on to the praise she had for Sam. "By the time I got out there, she had him detained. A hold on the cuffs and knee in his back. It was textbook, Al. I was impressed."

"She's army trained so I guess we shouldn't really be surprised."

"Shit. I'm still surprised. She'd make a decent cop."

"Except for her habit of getting on the wrong side of decent cops." Maggie nodded in acceptance of Alex's argument. It was true after all.

She was still convinced that Sam would make a decent cop. Sam had the instincts. It would never happen but it brought the baby Danvers up a little more in her book. Sam was living up to the potential she exuded. Even if it was in unorthodox ways.

The conversation was halted, and then forgotten, when there was another knock. This time it was the delivery guy. They dug in and barely spoke throughout their meal, each of them hungrier than they thought. Food coma hit them then mixed with the last couple days catching up. Alex and Maggie were passed out on the couch, still without ever turning the TV on or even changing from the day.


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: Due to first-day-of-work exhaustion and the championship game, I almost forgot to post! I will be dropping off to every other day from here on out. Thanks for reading!**

The next day at work came with a subdued Kara. Not stressed and ready to snap but a sad, and maybe a little defeated, kind of stressed. Sam didn't approach her all morning. She stayed focused on her job and responsibilities. It wasn't until her lunch that she went up to the top floor in search of her sister. The night before Alex had talked with her a little about what happened. Kara had let her nemesis go, two of the men in her life had gone rogue and were disappointing her. It was more of a debrief than anything though so Sam had no idea how Kara was doing with any of it. Probably not well since she walked around CatCo like a kicked puppy.

Alex had been stressed enough to go for a drink when she got home. Nursing two before she showered and went to bed. She was still sleeping when Sam left for work that morning. Her long hours finally catching up with her. Sam didn't think she was as affected by it all as Kara though.

Kara was standing at her desk in the reporter bull pen with her hand splayed across her forehead, looking down at the various papers scattered on the surface. The Danvers Crinkle out in full force. Sam walked up like nothing was wrong. Maybe that was the best approach.

"Hey Kara."

Kara sighed and looked up, forcing a smile. It was a weak attempt. "Hey Sam. What's up?"

"Wanna have lunch?"

"I would love to but Snapper is on me to get this article done."

"Oh, okay." Sam bobbed her head and looked around. The reporters may have to earn their seats but she sure as hell didn't. She spotted a stool in a corner of the room and went to get it, placing it beside Kara's desk. "Mind if hang out while you work on it?"

"What about your lunch?" Kara asked, pointing out Sam's lack of meal. She shrugged.

"I get two hours. If you aren't done in an hour, I'll go get something on my own."

"Okay." Kara answered then turned back to her work.

Sam watched her look at her papers. Seemingly not doing anything. They stayed like that for a while. Sam getting bored of observing Kara and instead tuned into the comings and goings of the bullpen. Snapper walked in, stopped and glared at Sam for a few moments but didn't say anything. Taking up his route to his office again while grumbling to himself at his desk. It made Sam chuckle under her breath. Forcing Kara to look up in question. She followed Sam's eyes to Snapper and cracked a smile.

"He's always like that."

"He kind of reminds me of Phil from _Hercules_ before he decides he likes Hercules."

"Huh." Kara said, looking harder at Snapper. "I can totally see that. Does this mean he's going to realize my potential and be my friend soon? Because that would be really great."

"Maybe." Sam smiled. "What are you working on anyways? Wait. I take that back. What are you staring at?"

Kara sighed, long and dramatic. "I know! I just can't figure it out. He wants me to combine these two articles. One is on the heavier traffic National City has been having this past month and the other is on the drop of gas prices. Snapper thinks it'll be better to put them together, talking about the best times to venture out onto the roads and the best times to fill up. How they're connected."

"Sounds riveting." Sam grimaced.

"It's not even a fluff piece. It's punishment for being late. And, it's cruel."

"Do you have the electronic versions?" Kara nodded. "Why don't you put them together then move them around. It'll probably be easier than staring at paper you can't do anything with expect cross out and draw arrows on."

"Snapper won't let me have my laptop."

"What? How the hell are you supposed to do your job? This isn't the freaking 90s. Did he want you to get a fedora with a press card in the band too?"

That made Kara laugh and Sam feel better about herself. "That's not the 90s either."

"Eh." Sam shrugged. "It's all the same before the dawn of technology."

"You sound like Lena."

"When am I gonna meet this Lena?"

"I think we're trying to plan a game night for this weekend. If she can come, you'll meet her then. You'll like her."

"So you've said."

"You'll be able to come right?"

"When is it?"

"Probably Saturday unless something comes up."

"Sure."

"Perfect!" Kara gave a real smile then turned back to her work. Sam would have offered to help but she was a useless editor. She was also a useless writer, reader, historian, or mathematician. But man, could she fight. That's mostly what she learned in high school.

Kara broke their silence a while later. "It's almost been an hour and I'm not going to finish."

"Want me to bring you something? Like to snack on. I know how you are about eating."

"That would be great, Sam. Thanks."

"No problem." Sam hopped off the stool and left, making her way down to CatCo's cafeteria. Not the best place to eat but they had snack platters and wraps. Things Kara could easily eat while working. Sam was ravenous thanks to her new work out regime. She ended up getting three wraps and two cheese and cracker platters.

"I definitely don't have time for all this." Kara laughed as Sam put their food on her desk.

"Who said it was all for you? I'm _starving_."

"Alex said you've been working out more."

"How does she know?" Sam asked around a huge bite of her wrap.

"I don't know." Kara shrugged. "Why wouldn't she know?"

"She hasn't been home much the past couple days. I just started up again."

Kara took a break from her articles and picked up one of the platters. Sam rolled her eyes as she ate the cheese and crackers individually instead of as a combo. What a waste of a delicious snack.

"We've been pretty busy with…our other stuff."

"Yea, she told me what happened. Well, kind of. You good?"

"I mean, yea. It's not like I can really do anything about any of it so I have to be good."

"Even the whole…" Sam trailed off into a vague gesture in the direction of James's office. Kara sighed and put her food down.

"I said my piece and I can't stop them so yea, I'm good. Am I happy? Hell no but I'm good."

"And Scruff– uh, Mon-El. What about him?"

Kara didn't just sigh or deflate at the mention of Mon-El. Her whole demeanor folded in on itself, her face crumbled even though she tried to stop it from doing so. She didn't even ask about Sam's slip up on his name. "What about him?"

"Nothing." Sam lied. It was obviously more than Sam knew, it wasn't just failing superhero kindergarten as Alex explained, and she wouldn't make Kara talk about it at work. Or ever if she didn't want to. "Alex just said he was in the same boat as James."

"It's fine, Sam. Everything is fine." Kara straightened and took a deep breath that rattled Sam's chest just from witnessing it. "Thanks for checking in though. I appreciate it but I really need to get back to work. I'll see you at game night, right?"

"Unless ya see me sooner."

But Sam didn't see Kara sooner. Not until she opened her apartment door to find Alex, Maggie, and Sam outside of it. Sam still didn't understand why sometimes Alex knocked and other times she used her key. It didn't make any sense. She really didn't care enough to ask though.

She saw James, Nerdy Hobbit, and Scruffy Ken Doll, Sam was still not a fan of the latter two, sitting at the couch as well as a woman she didn't know. A very pretty woman that Sam assumed was Lena Luthor. All four of them seemed uncomfortable and Kara was the kind of manic happy that meant she was trying to act like everything was fine and good.

"Hey!"

"Hey." Alex replied warily, picking up on the same vibes Sam did. If Maggie noticed she ignored it all as she walked in and made herself at home with the other guests. The tension started to leave as they all walked in. And Kara relaxed a little as she whispered.

"I'm nervous."


	23. Chapter 23

Kara being nervous wasn't impossible. Just highly unlikely. Anything that made her uncomfortable she always handled with an awkward charm that Sam was a little jealous of. All fumbling with her glasses and smiling at her feet. This was not that.

She was fumbling with her glasses, yes but there was no smiling or stuttered laughing. In the living room, Maggie was chatting up their other friends and giving the sisters time to deal with whatever Kara was nervous about.

"Why?" Alex asked, ushering them in to the kitchen so they were no longer suspiciously huddled around the door.

"Because I haven't really talked with James or Winn and now they're here and I'm scared this isn't going to go well." Kara's brow furrowed and she looked away. "And Lena is here."

"Has she not been to game night before?" Sam asked, trying to keep up. Most of what she's learned about the last couple days, and Lena in general, has been second hand. Third hand if she really thinks about the information she got from Maggie.

"Once." Alex answered her.

"And it's not really that's she's here so much as she's here when we have all this superhero," Kara whispered the word like it was taboo, "stuff going on."

"You really think a genius technology CEO hasn't figured out you're…ya know?"

"She hasn't said anything and I'd rather not go assuming so I'm gonna keep acting like she doesn't know. It's best for everyone that way."

"Too many people already know as is." Alex stated.

"Outside of your work, only two people know." Sam argued. "Me and Maggie. I don't really see either of us as a threat to your identity. Oh, and Mom. And Dad."

That derailed their Kara worry conversation. Kara looked at Sam like a deer in the headlights then turned to Alex then back. "You know? She knows? Oh, thank god."

"Yea but we don't really have to talk about it." Sam hurried them along. "Back to the you problems."

"No matter what happens tonight, I think us standing over here in the kitchen isn't the precedent you want to set if you're trying to smooth things over. So why don't we…?" Alex trailed off and nodded to the living room as she started walking that way.

Kara hesitated and Sam hesitated with her. Not exactly sure what to do or say but she bulldozed on anyway, pulling up her confidence and buckling it on. "She's got a point. And, anyways, you still need to introduce me to Lena. If you aren't going to shut up about her then I'd like to actually talk to her at least once."

Kara's head tipped back and her hands fanned in front of her before she grabbed Sam's wrist and started pulling her to the living room like she was the one who didn't want to go over. "I almost forgot!"

Even as they stood in the middle of the room, her sisters' friends around them, Kara didn't let go of Sam. Even when she fidgeted. Kara turned her toward Lena and her back to everyone else.

"Lena, this is my sister Sam! Sam, this is Lena."

Sam deliberately choose the hand Kara was holding to shake hands with Lena. Normally she wouldn't bother with the pleasantry but something about Lena screamed formal and she _really_ wanted Kara to let go of her. Two birds. One stone.

Lena stood and accepted the shake with a smile. "It's a pleasure to finally put a face to the name. Nice to meet you, Sam."

"Same. Kara doesn't shut up about you."

"Sam!" Kara hissed and Sam smirked at the belly laugh that erupted out of Alex behind them. She glanced over her shoulder at the rest of the room then back at Lena.

"Why does she get a hand shake?" Nerdy Hobbit complained. His voice told Sam he was joking but she didn't exactly care. Scruffy and Nerdy could joke all they wanted. Sam wrote them off already and that was that.

"Because I think I'm actually going to like her." She replied without turning around to face him. "I like James too."

Sam turned and offered her hand to him. He chuckled as he got up to shake it. "Ouch." He looked at Nerdy Hobbit. "She got you. I like you even more now." He said to Sam.

"What about me!?" Scruffy whined, not joking. He looked a little insulted. "Is this like a…uh, National City thing?" Kara's cringe softened at his catch of not saying Earth. Sam didn't even answer him. She gave him a bored, 'not worth it' look.

Everyone had found a seat then and Sam had a second of unease before she pushed through and sank to the floor with her back to the couch. "What are we playing first?"

"Pictionary!" Kara half-shouted. She held up an array of markers in her hand. "I'll go get the easel!"

Sam looked at Alex. "She has an easel?"

"She has an easel."

"I'm not sure why that surprises you." Lena commented. Sam shifted to give her her attention. "It's a very Kara thing to have."

"You say that like you _know_ her." Scruffy scoffed. Lena turned regally with a sly smile and a raise of an eyebrow. With a wine glass in hand, Sam had to say that the second-hand bitch stare was intimidating. Scruffy's lack of Earthly tact was probably the only thing saving him from squirming under it.

"I do." Lena simply replied. Oh yea. Sam was going to like Lena very much. She didn't bother hiding her laugh. It earned her a glare but she just smiled back. Everything she's heard, and experienced herself, pointed toward Scruffy being a spoiled slime ball. Kara could do better.

Any reply he might have had was cut off as Kara came flouncing back into the room with her easel. She took a few seconds to set it up perfectly. Adjusting then stepping back, making further adjustments. So on until it was perfect. Then she turned and clapped her hands in front of her.

"Okay! We have…" She trailed off as she counted them all off, "eight people. We can have two teams of four or two teams of three and one of two. What do you guys think?"

"You and Alex can't be on the same team." James called out immediately. There were a few head nods.

"Definitely not." Maggie chimed in. Sam wondered how long it took them to figure that out. Those two teaming up was the Pictionary equivalent of Batman and Superman.

"Finnne." Kara huffed.

"I would like to be on Kara's team." Scruffy suggested. This time Sam did stifle her laugh as both Maggie and Lena gave him a disgusted look he was completely oblivious to.

"I think Lena and Kara should be on the same team. I'll go with Maggie and Alex then the boys can be on their own team." Sam suggested.

"Yes." Maggie agreed, pointing at Sam.

"Why?" asked Scruffy. "I don't understand. It would be just as well if I were with Kara then Lena could take my place, or you. Anyone could really."

His blunt insistence to be on Kara's team was almost embarrassing but Sam did try to remind herself that he wasn't from Earth. On his planet, Daxim the world of douchery and shallowness, maybe that was how you showed interest. By being annoying about it.

She had to stop herself from agreeing that anyone could replace him. "Because Kara told me that Lena is still kind of new to game night so she should be with someone she's comfortable with. She's also hella smart so it's only fair she is on the team with the disadvantage."

"I'm smart." He put in indignantly.

"I'm not even…" Sam shook her head. "Moving on. I'm also new, newer than Lena, so I'm going with Alex and Maggie because that's who I'm more comfortable with. Now, if you'd like to make two women uncomfortable, be my guest and switch up the teams, Prince Charming."

Scruffy stiffened and Sam ran back through her words. She didn't think she had said anything too scathing. Even her second run through didn't seem all that bad. It was borderline looking for trouble but she thought she had toed the line expertly. James answered for him.

"No. We're fine. I'm good with the teams."

"Uh, technically, _we_ are at the disadvantage." Nerdy Hobbit added. "I would kinda like to have Lena on my team. We'd win for sure."

"Nope!" Kara smiled, chin tilted up. "She's with me."


	24. Chapter 24

They played a seven round championship playoff. And did it get _heated_. Sam knew that her sisters were competitive. Alex always had been and Kara learned it from her when she first came to Earth and was acclimating to the norms. Sam was too. Her forced indifference made her considerably less but it was still burning in her chest, trying to push its way out.

A few times she did let slip an outburst. Kara would smile wide at her and Alex would jump in to support her argument, too caught up in winning to make a deal out of it. Maggie would smirk and let the sisters defend their team. Sam hated to admit it but game night was fun. Especially since they trounced the boys and only lost by one round to Kara and Lena.

"Sam," Lena started conversationally as the rest of the room dispersed during the game night intermission. Kara to the kitchen for snacks, Alex and Maggie for drinks. The boys sat talking, with the exception of Scruffy who followed Kara around. Lena had watched him walk away with her but her expression was carefully guarded. "How are you liking National City?"

Sam shrugged. "It's okay. I haven't gotten a chance to get out and see much of it now that I'm here a bit more permanently but I've been to National City before."

"You should ask Kara to bring you by L-Corp sometime. My office has a wonderful view and then we can go sightseeing. I haven't been yet either, though Kara has been bugging me about it."

"I'm sure she has."

Lena smiled behind her glass of wine as she took a sip. "Kara says you're working at CatCo." Sam nodded. "And how's that?"

"Uh…it's a job." Sam laughed and Lena did too.

"Don't let your sister hear you say that, anything negative and she has a meltdown. I think Kara would live at CatCo if she could."

"I accidentally did. I covered it up but still, those first few seconds when she thought I really hated it was like the worst pout I have ever seen in my life. It hurt my soul."

Kara dumped a bag of chips in one bowl and picked that and the other bowl with a different type of chip to push into Mon-El's hands. He was crowding her and it was getting annoying. And, she really needed to talk to Alex with him _not_ around. "Take these out to the living room for me?"

"As you wish." He smiled. It would have been charming if she wasn't feeling so closed in and if the avalanche of pop culture references, some of them not quite right, wasn't getting old fast.

When he was out of ear shot, Kara turned and tugged on Alex's arm. "Look!"

She pointed and Alex's eyes followed to a laughing and talking Sam. Yes, true, she was ignoring the rest of the room but a socializing Sam was great for them.

"Oh my god."

"What?" Maggie turned with a few bottles in hand, not having noticed what they were talking about or looking at.

"Sam's actually participating without being forced to. This is…"

"Amazing, wonderful, absolutely insane and wonderful!" Kara still had ahold of Alex's arm, making the bottles in that hand clink together as she bounced up and down in excitement.

"Oh yea." Maggie replied easily. "Look at that."

Before too long, Sam's sisters and Maggie came back to the living room. Handing out the various beer bottles and topping off Kara and Lena's glasses of wine.

"What's next?" Maggie asked, wiggling to get Alex to move over a bit and give her more room between her and Sam. Sam moved a bit too, not big on being so close.

"We have some choices. We could play Cranium or Apples to Apples."

"Apples to Apples is not a team game." Nerdy Hobbit pointed out, leaning forward to grab some of the chips. He had a point. It wasn't. Sam was petty enough to want to disagree just because he mentioned it.

"True but at the end, we'll count all the cards and whichever teams has the most all together wins. We make all the individual games team games, Winn. You know that!"

"We've just never played Apples to Apples." He shrugged. "I'm in."

"Okay, that's one vote for Apples to Apples. What about everyone else?"

The vote went in favor of Apples to Apples. Sam wasn't going to vote until Maggie hit her leg and gestured for her to with a whispered, "It's my favorite."

That game went rather differently for Kara and Lena. There was no real way to take advantage of her genius but Lena was witty and clever, they still did alright. Unfortunately, so did the boys. They had a knack for picking each other's cards pretty much every time. That had Alex shouting about how they were cheating. They won the round.

Throughout the night, Sam noticed Kara fidgeting more and more with her glasses and her hands in her lap. It didn't seem like her wine was helping. If anything, it seemed to make her nerves worse. She tried to spend time with Scruffy but seemed equal parts endeared and annoyed. She tried to give Lena the attention needed so _she_ wouldn't feel nervous or uncomfortable, which really, Sam thought that was pointless. Lena was a stonewall of composed. Sam would bet she'd be fine no matter what Kara did.

It was like Kara couldn't entertain both of them, together. It was Scruffy or it was Lena. All of it was very un-Kara like. She handled James and Nerdy easily, Nerdy more so than James though. Stiff early in the night but as it wore on, it was like the Guardian debacle never happened. Sam was sure that the next time superheroing came into the mix, it would be a much different story but Kara was handling it all gracefully. Sam was wondering why it was so hard for her with Scruffy and Lena in comparison.

Sam was the right amount of buzzed to follow Kara into the kitchen as she went to refill the snack bowls after a long game of Cranium. Kara turned and paused in what she was doing, a surprised smile taking over. "Oh hey, Sam."

"Hey. I have a question."

"And I have an answer. Maybe…"

"What's the deal with you and Scruffy?"

"Scruffy?" Damn, Sam cursed herself. She hadn't meant to slip out loud.

"Uh, Mon-El."

"You call him Scruffy?"

"His full name is Scruffy Ken Doll but that's a mouthful." Kara laughed and gave Sam a weird look. The snack bowls were now full but she didn't seem in a hurry to get back to game night.

"You're so weird." Sam worked her head side to side, not committing either way to that observation. "I guess it kinda fits him though."

"Gonna answer my question?"

"Right, yea. There really isn't a deal between us. He, um, I asked him why he wanted to, ya know, work with me and he pretty much said it was because he liked me. Not those words but he didn't say he didn't." Sam nodded along.

"Is that a bad thing?"

"Yes! No? I don't know. Him wanting to…ya know," Kara's eyes flitted to the living room. Checking for Lena she assumed since she was the only one not aware of what the majority of the room did with their time. "He shouldn't want that just because of me. He should want it for himself, because it's the right thing to do."

"Yea but what about the whole 'he likes you' part?"

"He's a Daximite." Kara said like that answered the question. It didn't.

"Ooookay…that doesn't tell me shit. I get Krypton and Daxim weren't like buddies or whatever."

"To put it lightly." Kara mumbled.

"That doesn't mean you can't be…the Romeo and Juliet of space."

"You do remember how _Romeo and Juliet_ ends, right? They die."

"You're like invincible. I don't think you'll be able to find anything strong enough to stab yourself with. Nor do you really strike me as the 'woe is me; my man is dead and my life is over' type of girl."

"So you're telling me that I should be with Mon-El?"

"Hell no. I am _not_ a fan." Sam said before thinking then closed her eyes and shook her head, waving a hand in front of her. "Wait, no. Forget that. If you _want_ to be with him then yea, go for it. It doesn't matter what I think."

"That's sweet, Sam, but you don't have to worry. Mon-El and I are _not_ a match."

"Then why are you acting all weird?"

"I didn't think I was."

Sam was saved from explaining that Kara was indeed acting weird and just how she noticed it by Alex standing and pulling Maggie up with her.

"Game night has been great and all but I'm exhausted. We're gonna head out." Alex explained, looking around the living room then at Kara. Landing lastly on Sam. "Sam?"

"Uh, yea. Same." Sam turned back to Kara. "Good luck trying not to act weird."

"You suck." Kara narrowed her eyes at Sam who chuckled. She grabbed her jacket as James and Nerdy got up too.

"Yea," Nerdy Hobbit started. "We should probably get outta here too. We've got…stuff…to do."

"Smooth, man." James rolled his eyes at Nerdy. "Same time next week?"

"I'll have to let you know." Kara answered. That left Lena and Scruffy Ken Doll, both of whom were in no rush to go anywhere it seemed.

Sam would have loved to stay and see how that played out. Her money was on Lena. There was no way anyone could make that woman do anything she didn't want. But, Alex ushered Sam into a quick hug from Kara and then out the door.


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: Have another chapter! During the week I'll be doing every other day still but if I'm far enough ahead, I'll post extra on the weekends. I was asked if Alex told their mom about Sam, stay tuned to see. Also, I was asked if I could throw Lucy into the mix for Sam. I wasn't planning on Sam having any romantic aspirations in this but I'll think about it. Thanks for reading and all that!**

There were various areas of CatCo that, if targeted, would bring the whole building down. Support beams throughout the floors that, if collapsed, would cause damage to the floors above and below them. Not just the single floor. Sam's military training, mostly that of tactical raids and demolition, had her pinpointing each weak point. During her more annoying days at work, she'd think about just how easy it would be to take down the CatCo Media building.

She never would but that was beside the point. It made her feel better to know she had the power to do so. Because at CatCo, Sam had absolutely no power. She was at the beck and call of every employee from the 38th floor up to the 42nd.

It was with great relief that she left CatCo behind every night. But tonight, she wasn't the only one unhappy with how her day went. She got home to Alex sprawled in her after work spot on the couch. The difference was that Alex loved her job.

Their roles reversed, Sam asked, "Rough day?"

"God, yes. We got a batch of new recruits and they are horrible. Just completely useless. I don't even know where J'onn got them."

"I didn't even know you guys recruited." Sam answered as she flopped on the couch, nudging Alex out of the way so she could put her feet up, her knees bent between them.

"How did you think we got agents?" Sam shrugged. She hadn't thought about it. It was just the DEO. They were all just there. "Well, we recruit."

"Learn something new every day. Why are they so bad?"

"It's like they don't have any field experience. Actually no," Alex sat up in order to really dive into her complaining, "we aren't even doing anything but running through the obstacle test and they suck. Only a handful of them got the required time."

"What all do they have to do to become DEO?"

"First, they have to be recommended. Half of them don't even know what they're walking into."

"Why not?"

"Secret government agency."

"Right, right right. I kinda forget about that all the time."

"It's easy to when you know."

"After the recommendation?"

"There's a psychology test, firearms and obstacle test. If they pass all of that a single field test. It isn't even that difficult. Not really."

Sam wasn't sure she believed that. Alex's definition of not difficult wasn't the same as the rest of the world's. She'd bet a pretty penny that it was even more twisted then it used to be when they were kids.

Alex was one of those people who are really good at a lot of things. It was all easy for her. She wasn't without her flaws, oh hell no was she without those, but Alex moved through her professional and academic life easily. Even during her party stage, she wasn't too far off the path when she started back up again just because she was that stupidly smart.

"I really doubt the tests to become a secret government agent who deals with 'extra-normal' shit are easy."

"Maybe not easy." Alex conceded. "But they aren't hard enough to be giving this entire class issues. Wait. You should do it!" She shot up from her slumped position against the couch arm.

She wasn't sure she heard Alex correctly. There was no reason her sister would be suggesting what it sounded like. "I should do what?"

"Become DEO. Oh my god, yes! It's perfect. You can quit CatCo and, I mean, it's different than the army but you are so much more equipped to be an agent than any of the recruits I saw today."

"Hold on. You can't honestly be telling me that you want me to come work with you."

"All complaints about my current recruits aside, I think it'd be a great idea. You _hate_ CatCo and eventually that's going to lead to some bad decisions being made."

"Hey." Sam argued weakly. Alex was most likely right. She would never, ever blow up the building but taking stock of how she could did point to a negative outcome if she continued there much longer.

"And, it really will build off of the skills you have from being military. You could work with me and Kara. That might be nice."

"I would most definitely have to move out if I worked with you."

Alex smiled like the cat who got the canary. "You'll think about it then?"

"Anything is better than CatCo." Sam deflected but the idea excited her. Yes, sure, she half hated being a soldier but she was better at it than anything else she's ever done. And…she'd get to work with Alex. This being around each other thing was opening up the part of her heart that she had carefully stitched shut years ago.

The idea of working closer with Alex. Putting her skills to use to help people. Doing something substantial with her life because she decided to. Helping Kara live up to the ideal that her crest of El meant to her. It all sounded great.

"When do you need to know by?"

"Whenever." Alex shrugged, fighting a smile. "You're a little different than our normal recruits. One, you know about the DEO. Two, I'll recommend you. It won't be enough but both of those put you on a different path than what's normal." She hesitated.

Sam rolled her eyes. So much for the excitement. It felt like Alex was about to pull the offer back. "What?"

"Your juvie record won't _exactly_ be a problem but it does change some things."

"Like?" Of course. It always came back to that. That damn record was part of the reason Sam was so upset about being discharged. They never had it sealed and it was a strong possibility that it would show up on background checks future employers would run. The army didn't really care too much about her record. That's why it was perfect for her.

"More in-depth psychology tests. We'll put you through a few field tests instead of just the one to see how you handle combat and following orders. It'll just be a more extensive process than if you didn't have a record. Not impossible."

It was like Sam could see the light. Hard but not impossible. For once, well twice if she counted CatCo, her record wouldn't be a problem. She might get a few looks for it but she could prove that she was more than her past. It was the best damn thing Alex could have said to her.

"That doesn't sound too bad. Ya know, it makes sense." Sam deflected again, keeping her relief and excitement to herself. Alex's smile told her she wasn't doing a good job of it though. She plowed through into a new question to get the spotlight off her. "Why wasn't this an option instead of CatCo? Because never having to be a mail jockey sounds like it would've been pretty great."

"Honestly?" Alex grimaced. "I'm sorry but I picked you up from the station and it felt like more of the same. I wasn't sure how reliable you were going to be."

"No, it's okay. I understand. I was also kicked out of a government organization. I doubt that really screams 'make me a secret agent.'" Sam laughed.

"It really doesn't." Alex paused and Sam knew what was coming next. "Why…exactly did you get kicked out?"

Sam sighed with her smile still in place. She'd kept it to herself for a couple weeks now. Alex was letting her stay with her for free. Kara got her a job. They were better, more like a family than ever. Since that first year. She could probably tell now. She owed them a little bit of truth after all they were doing for her.


	26. Chapter 26

It hadn't been as bad as it could have been. Wait. No, it was pretty bad. Bad enough that Lieutenant Varela vouching for her was the only reason Sam wasn't hung out to dry. She wasn't ashamed of what she did so much as she was ashamed of the consequence and not letting the knowledge of the consequence deter her actions. That's why she hadn't wanted to talk about it before and now it was making her a little nervous.

She didn't start in right away, taking the time to gather her thoughts and get the story out effectively. Telling Alex, now, felt worse than when Sam had to recount it to the disciplinary council.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"Nah. You won't stop asking me if I don't and that's getting pretty old." Sam joked. Now or never and she really did need to get it out in the open.

"So. I guess we should probably start with all those incident reports you saw in my file. They, uh, weren't really a big deal. Not following orders or disorderly conduct, little stuff really but enough to get reported.

"Then, earlier this year I got deployed to Kyrgyzstan."

"You were in Kyrgyzstan?" Alex interrupted. "I didn't know that."

"I didn't think you did; it wasn't like I was checking in regularly with you guys."

"I guess. I still can't believe I didn't know that though. Did Mom?"

"Yea, I called her before I left."

"Oh, well, that's good then." Alex replied a little lame. It was clear that line of questioning was falling off and Alex wasn't really sure where to go. Sam took back over. It was her story anyway.

"Yea, well, in Kyrgyzstan we were mostly sweeping through cities to check for terrorist activity. A few tips that they were in the area I guess. I'm not really sure all the reasons that took us there but suspected terrorist activity is the big reason."

"How long were you there?"

"Not as long as the rest of my unit." Sam cracked a smile. "A month or two. In our third city, we were going through a building and I heard something in one of the rooms we hadn't swept yet. It was off to the side and it was kind of dark in the hall so I don't think anyone really noticed it. I don't know, just it hadn't been swept and there was some noise. I was moving before my commanding officer could give the order. I ended up getting shot."

Sam stopped there. And sure enough, it was the right call as Alex quickly became concerned and jumped into a myriad of questions.

"You got _shot?_ Where!? Are you okay? And how did they not sweep that room? Unless you were up front, which, no offense, I doubt, then you should not have been close enough to act without being stopped first." Sam held up a hand with a chuckle.

"I'm fine, Alex." She lifted her shirt and showed her sister the puckered circle of scar tissue right under her left rib. It was a deep purple, mostly healed. "I got lucky. Well, kind of unlucky but in terms of getting shot it was lucky."

"How?"

"It missed my vest but clipped it enough to stop the bullet from going too deep. It got lodged in my rib cage. Painful but other than some cracked ribs and the entry, no real damage."

"I guess that is lucky."

Sam nodded and let her shirt fall back down. "I got taken out while the majority of the unit finished the sweep. By the time they were done, I was patched up enough to be yelled at. Varela, the commanding officer, really laid into me. Those reports you saw, they were all from before this and he was pretty much fed up. He said I couldn't keep acting like that. I was a soldier and I needed to act like one, I wasn't a child anymore.

"Varela's a good man. He was hard on me but he let a lot of things go too, looked out for me. He's actually the reason my discharge got bumped to something more positive. But, like I said, he was fed up so he gave me three more strikes. The first I had just racked up with the whole getting shot thing, which of course, I argued against and that was my second strike."

It had been the afternoon from hell. Sam was livid that Varela would do that to her. She was too caught up in the fact that she had been right, there was someone in that room, and she got shot, true, but she was _right_. It should have been a thank you, not a scolding, she got. Not to mention, she got _shot_ and the pain just fueled her anger.

"I don't know what happened in the building. No one told me. I was transported to a medical base and left there to heal and rehab enough to go back in the field."

"I'm gonna go ahead and guess that didn't happen."

"Ding ding ding. We have a winner." Sam chuckled humorlessly. She was getting mad just thinking about all of this again. She understood now that she deserved the punishment she got but it was more that nothing happened to Alvarez. "I did make it like two weeks though."

Alex shook her head with a very small smile. Hopefully that would change when Sam told her why it was only two weeks. It had been justified. She would argue that to her grave.

"Medic was nice. Kyrgyzstan isn't exactly an active combat zone but it isn't overly safe either so it wasn't a large base. Medic was near Naryn, along Tien Shan. Mountains all over the place and green fields, right along the Naryn river. It's a really pretty country.

"Like I said, Kyrgyzstan isn't too dangerous of a place and medic wasn't huge but there were a handful of people being treated and a handful of medics and nurses. One asshole in particular was there. Corporal Ethan Alvarez. God. He was such a dirt bag. Honestly, just one of the worst individuals I have ever met in my life."

"Why?"

"He was a sexist pig who thought he walked on water."

"Ah." Alex nodded. "I think I know where this is going. He's your type."

" _What?"_ That was not at all where this was going. She couldn't even fathom why Alex would say that. For one, her sister had no idea what her type was. Alex chuckled.

"No, not like that. He's the type of guy you usually punch."

"Oh."

"Yea." Alex laughed harder. "Your face was great. You'd think I just kicked a puppy in front of you or something."

Sam laughed too. Mostly at how hard Alex was. She could only imagine what she looked like because the shock in her head was massive enough.

"But go on, go on. I'm sorry." Alex tried her best to compose herself. A few chuckles escaping despite the effort.

"Alvarez dislocated his shoulder or something. I don't really know what his deal was. I never asked and only picked up what I know from being around him, seeing the exercises he did. All shoulder stuff. But that's not really important.

"What is, is that Alvarez had a thing for this nurse that did not return the feelings. He was so slimy about it too. Giving her all these shallow ass compliments and crude jokes. Her name was Olivia and she was really cool, a nice person and all that. She could totally hold her own and for the most part I let her. Third strike, ya know but then Alvarez grabbed her and it was like all I saw was red."

"Why'd he grab her?"

"I don't really know. She tried walking away and he grabbed her arm to pull her back toward him. I have no idea what started it. She told him to let go, tried to pull away but he just held on. So, here I come."

"Oh boy."

"Pretty much." Sam laughed. "I shoved him off her and told him to keep his hands to himself. He pushed me back and said various douchey things then called her a piece of ass that he could put his hands on if he wanted to."

"He did not. No one says that."

"Apparently, he does. That was his strikes one, two, and three. I, uh...I proceeded to beat the shit out of him. Like Freshman year bad."

Sam paused then. The jokes were funny until she said out loud what she did. She still had the bright pink scars on her knuckles from where the skin broke.

"Then what happened?" Alex prompted.

Sam shrugged. "I got pulled off him and detained, sent home for hearings. Varela came home to vouch for me. Olivia testified that I stepped in to help her and then it was self-defense after that. Third strike though so I was discharged and here we are."

They sat looking at each other. Alex's eyes steady whereas Sam's bounced around the room, only staying long enough on Alex to flit away. That was it. Cat was out of the bag. Another let down that Sam would add to the long list.

"That was both exactly and not at all what I was expecting."

"Is that, uh, a good thing or a bad thing?"

"Neither. It doesn't matter what happened, Sam. That's the past. If anything, I'm proud of you. I mean, it's kind of like that night at the bar when you stood up for me. I am not happy you got in a fight or that, from what it sounds like, you really hurt that guy but you stood up for someone who needed it. We'll have to work on your technique but you can't teach that mentality. To help those who can't help themselves."

"So, you aren't mad?"

"No. It's a lot to think about though."

"I'm not exactly proud of it, by the way. I don't want you to think I am."

"Would you do it again?"

"Probably." Sam answered truthfully. "If my options are let him treat someone like that or get in trouble for stepping in then I'll take the heat."

"Again, we'll work on your technique. Lucky for you, most of the people the DEO deals with has the ass kicking coming to them. Really, they're usually the ones who initiate it."

"You really think I could get in?"

"I do. You may not have been a true front line, grunt but you were still trained as one. You've been in high stress situations with possible hostile enemies. That's valuable experience. The issues with your record and being discharged can be dealt with. Maybe not easily but you can do it if you really want to."

The DEO. A whole different experience than Sam had ever known. Just being exposed to it second-hand through Alex and Kara was different. It made her want to be better, help people like her sisters did. Sam rolled her eyes at herself for thinking that and Alex caught it.

"What?"

"I'm getting all sappy being around you two."

That didn't seem to make any sense to Alex and it probably shouldn't have. They were talking about her becoming an agent, nothing sappy about it.

"I just…I don't know. I was thinking about being a DEO agent and that it'd be cool because I'd, uh…" Sam trailed off then finished in a rushed quiet. "I'd be able to help like you guys do and that'd be kinda cool."

"Aw!" Alex bounced over to her side of the couch, wrapping her arms around Sam. "Sammy! You are getting sappy!"

"Whatever. Get off me." Sam pushed her sister away and Alex let her. She needed an out now. Too much in one night. She had one trusty out that she could always use. "I'm gonna shower."

"You're just running away." Alex joked. "I'm probably going to head over to Maggie's for the night. Unless you want me to stay?"

Alex was aware that they just had a moment. Sam opened up to her about a secret she had been keeping from the moment she came into their lives. It would be an easy thing to stay but Alex also knew that Sam was running away into the shower to take some time for herself _because_ they just had a moment and she opened up. She wouldn't push too hard tonight. That didn't stop the feeling that told Alex maybe she should stay and maybe it was her turn to give Sam something she normally wouldn't share.

"Nah. You go ahead. I know you guys don't really get to see each other too often."

"Really? Because she'd understand if I wanted to stay and hang out with you. It's not like we really get to see each other too often either."

"That might change if I become DEO." Sam smiled and joked. Alex kept it to herself that she hoped it wasn't just a joke. "If that happens, I'm probably going to get sick of you. It's best if that doesn't happen too soon."

She turned and walked away, ending their short debate. "Tell Maggie I said hi."

Alex wondered if all their conversations would end like this. Sam walking away to compose herself. It was becoming less and less of a bad thing the more time they spent but Alex hoped it would stop all together soon. She didn't want Sam to feel like she had to retreat.


	27. Chapter 27

**"Luthors" – A/N: Still no direct scenes from the show with Sam. She's in the background for a little while longer. Things get moving a bit more for her though!**

Sam was absent-mindedly walking down towards the CatCo cafeteria. It was rainy outside so that kept her from wanting to go out and get something; not to mention, her body was killing her. Every limb felt like it was weighed down by cement. She didn't want to move more than she had to. The cafeteria was much closer than any other option. At least, that was her plan until Kara gave her a heart attack. 

"Hey Sam!" Kara called out as the elevator dinged open right as Sam was walking past. She jumped and whipped around to see where the noise was coming from, starting to calm down when she saw it was Kara.

"Jesus."

"Sorry." But she didn't look sorry. Kara actually looked quite pleased with herself for scaring the life out of Sam. She fell into step as Sam continued walking. "I was looking for you actually."

"What's up?"

"I was gonna go over to L-Corp for lunch. Lena mentioned she told you to come by sometime when you guys talked at game night and thought you might like to join us."

"Uh, when?"

"Uh, now." Kara teased. "It's totally fine if you don't want to but I'd like it if you did. It'll be fun!"

"Do we have to walk?" Sam asked, a slight whine in her voice.

"Sore?"

"God, yes. So, so, _so_ sore. Why did I ever think it was a good idea to work out again? I'd be fine all lazy and not sore." Kara laughed but Sam was only half joking. She hated the acidy weight of sore muscles, flaring up when she moved too much. And, by too much, she meant anything from reaching across to hand someone their mail or bending down to get something off the bottom of her cart. Walking. Anything at all. "And it's raining."

Kara held up an umbrella. Sam wasn't sure how she could have missed it. This wasn't a small, hand umbrella. This was the big golf kind. Because why would Kara use a sensible one? "I've never really been sore, not from like working out, but from what Alex says, it'll go away soon. I could uh…" She looked around and dropped her voice, "fly us if you wanted?"

"Kara, it's raining. Your umbrella isn't going to do much up there and I'm being a baby, we can just walk."

Sam redirected them toward, and out, CatCo's main doors. It was finally starting to get mild out. Fall was rolling in and the sun decided to take off its miserable edge. Sam preferred it that way. The intense heat that plagued National City from time to time, way too often in Sam's opinion, was unbearable. The rain was tapering off too. A slight drizzle that they honestly didn't really need the umbrella for.

"She has that trial coming up, doesn't she?"

Kara sighed. "Yea. Don't bring it up though. It stresses her out but she tries to act like it doesn't and she gets all weird." Easy enough to do. Sam let Kara dominate their conversation, happy to do so since it meant she was kept informed on the goings-on of the super friends. "She says she's happy to testify against her mom but I don't know. Like, yea, Lillian is awful but that's her _mom_. The woman who raised her. It's gotta be hard. Lena just won't admit that."

"I'm sure she will. She's probably trying to keep her confidence up until it's over with. Ya know, put up a strong front."

"Maybe." Kara relented, trailing off. It was clear she was worried about her friend. Unfortunately, that worry would have to wait. Sirens started going off in the distance.

At first, Sam didn't notice. The only sign was a tilt to Kara's head as she picked up the sound and then tried to pinpoint it. They both slowed to a stop. Sam following Kara's lead because something was up. Then the sirens were close enough for Sam to hear. She nudged Kara forward, urging her to get going. She had a city to save after all.

"Will you let Lena know something came up and that I'm really sorry?"

"Uh…you want me to…?" Sam stumbled with her words. The idea of going to tell a woman she's met once that Kara wouldn't show up was uncomfortable. But, Kara was already starting to walk away, looking over at Sam for her answer.

"I don't have time to text her and I don't want to bail on her without at least telling her. Please Sam?"

"I'll let her know."

"Thanks!" Kara gave her a strained smile then jogged off, disappearing down some side street. A few minutes later, Sam saw the blur of red and blue that signaled Supergirl.

It didn't take long to get to L-Corp after that. Sam had put her head down and all but powerwalked the rest of the way. It took longer to get through security and up to Lena's office. Truth be told, Sam didn't really know what she was doing when she walked in. Maybe she should have had Kara let Lena know it was just her coming. But, then, Sam wouldn't have to show up at all if Kara was able to do that. After several minutes of waiting, a voice came over the guard's radio and told him to always let any of the Danvers through.

The elevator ride gave Sam the time she needed to compose herself and what she was going to say. She didn't plan on staying long without Kara. Let Lena know that they had to cancel and go. She stepped off the elevator and into a waiting room. A desk with a woman behind it on one side, a sitting area on the other. The woman stopped Sam before she could get even half way across the room.

"You must be Sam."

"Yea."

"I'm Jess. I'm Ms. Luthor's assistant. I'm not sure if the guards told you but you, now, have the same access to Ms. Luthor's office as Kara does. I will ask that you check in with me before you go in though, just in case she is in a meeting or something along those lines."

"Okay."

"Right now, she does not. Ms. Luthor is actually waiting on you and your sister for lunch."

"Yea, so, we actually have to cancel. Something came up on our way here, Kara asked me to let Lena know."

"That's too bad. Ms. Luthor always looks forward to her lunches with Kara. Are you staying?"

"No. I need to get back to work too. So, can I…" Sam trailed off and pointed at Lena's office with her thumb.

"Of course! Go on in."

Lena's office was _huge_. And open and bright and wow. She was not kidding about the view from her office windows. Sam looked around a little shell shocked from it all. She figured Lena's office would be nice and classy but it was still a little much to actually see it. Especially when the biggest office she's seen is James's and his has a more homey vibe then the clinical white, black, and silver of Lena's.

"I'm going to take your silence to mean that you like it." Sam looked toward Lena who was leaning against her desk, tablet in one hand and a laptop sitting on the desk near her hip. She had her hands out to encompass her office. A smile on her face.

"Uh, yea. It's really nice. I wasn't expecting it to be so…bright, I guess."

"I did tell you about the windows."

Sam chuckled. She forgot how easy it was to talk to Lena. The Luthor name and CEO title forced this formal, business-like demeanor on the woman in Sam's mind. That's what had her awkward about coming to fulfill her favor to Kara. It was true; Lena was formal and business-like but not in the cold way that was stereotypical.

"That you did."

Lena tilted her head and made a show of looking around and behind Sam. "I'm noticing a distinct lack of Kara."

"That's actually why I'm here." Lena let out a quiet 'ah' and deflated a little. She didn't slouch, oh no. Sam wasn't sure she was able to but she did lose a touch of her perfect posture. "So, uh, something came up while we were on our way here and Kara, she can't, uh, make it for lunch. She asked me to let you know and to tell you that she's really sorry she had to bail."

"I hope nothing too serious." Lena asked as she stood and walked around her desk to sit. Sam watched her, trying to figure out if that was a loaded comment or not. She hadn't noticed the news playing muted on Lena's TV.

"Nah, just something at work. She didn't really say. I bet it's something with Snapper though. He likes to put Kara through the ringer."

"He really does." Lena smiled. "I am going to go out on a limb, here, and say that you aren't staying either."

"Uh, no. I should probably head back too. I was gonna take a quick lunch today so I could get out early but you know how Kara is." Sam shrugged with an easy smile.

"She's hard to say no to." Lena nodded. "Well, that's too bad. I was looking forward to spending some time with you outside of the chaos that is game night. We'll have to try again sometime."

"That'd be cool. Just let Kara know and she'll let me know."

"I will do that. Now, I'd hate to ruin your chances of getting out early and I am also going to work through lunch so until next time, Sam."

"See ya." Sam started to walk away then stopped when a very Kara-esque thought popped into her mind. She turned back to Lena. "Wait. Are you gonna work through lunch and not eat or just work and eat or something else that includes eating? Because Kara will kill me if I let you not have lunch."

Lena laughed, leaning back from her computer that she had already turned to start working on. "It seems there is more than one Danvers who knows me too well."

"Not really. Kara just mentioned that you get sucked into work and forget to do basic human things. Like once." Sam deflected.

Lena laughed harder at that. "I'd be offended if it weren't true. I'll tell you what, Sam, to ensure your innocence in the matter," Lena joked as she pressed her intercom button.

" _Yes, Ms. Luthor?"_

"Jess, could you order lunch for me? That Greek place a couple blocks over sounds good. Be sure to get yourself something too."

 _"Your usual?"_

"Please."

 _"I'll get on it right after I send this email to our Gotham branch. Oh, and thank you, Ms. Luthor."_

"You're welcome, Jess." Lena took her finger off the button and looked back to Sam. "There, now you know that I will at least have food in the same room and you have plausible deniability."

"Thanks." Sam laughed and turned to leave again. She looked over her shoulder before she got to the door, remembering her manners, "Bye."

"Enjoy your day." Lena answered but didn't look away from her computer. Kara always did like to save people, Sam thought, even from themselves.

The rest of her day went smoothly. Quick lunch, quick pick-ups and then a normal paced delivery because no matter how hard Sam tried, it was impossible to speed up her delivery time. There were too many people and too much mail. They all liked to talk too. Checking in on Sam and asking how she was doing, how she was liking CatCo now that she's been there longer. It was less annoying than it used to be. Some of the people, like Noah on the 39th or Jake on the 40th or Abby, Will, and Emma on the 42nd, she even enjoyed talking to.

Sam was still able to get out of work earlier. Thankfully. Not by much, a half hour but that was a lifetime as far as Sam was concerned. And enough time to get some stuff done or more importantly, enough time to buy some stuff.

National City was big but it wasn't obnoxiously so like Gotham or Metropolis. Just big enough to annoy Sam by all the walking she had to do to get to her different stores but not big enough to make it impossible to do so. Her list wasn't too long either: laptop since she was sick of borrowing Alex's, workout clothes since she was sick of doing so much laundry, and a new pair of running shoes. As she was doing all this walking, Sam convinced herself that she needed some sort of mode of transportation. She was getting real sick of walking. That was an errand for another day though. Post sporting goods store while Sam was looking at an array of laptops, Alex called.

"Hello?"

 _"Hey. Where are you, did you get stuck at work?"_

Sam pulled the phone away from her ear to check the time. It was almost ten. She looked around the store and sure enough, there were only a few other customers besides her. Closing time was fast approaching. "No. I had some errands to run. I actually got out early."

 _"Errands?"_

"Yea, some new workout clothes and a laptop. Shoes."

 _"Oh thank god. Please tell me you'll throw your other ones away? They reek."_

Sam chuckled. "Sure but, uh, are you just calling to check in or what?"

 _"Oh yea! Not at all. Your recommendation went through!"_

"Really!?" Sam all but shouted. She looked around again but no one was near her. Her excited almost-shout went unnoticed.

 _"Yea! Congrats!"_

"Thanks. What happens now?"

 _"Now we have a recommendation hearing."_

"A hearing?" Sam cut Alex off, not liking the sound of that. In her experience, hearings always meant something was wrong or bad things were about to happen.

And Alex read her like a book. _"Relax, Sam. It's standard procedure when the recommendation is internal. AKA me. You'll meet with J'onn, me, and Agent Vasquez and we'll go over your credentials, experience, give you a chance to explain away any concerns we might have. If you have other recommendations this would be the time to show us."_

"Other recommendations? Alex, the people I used to know mostly hate me and I don't exactly blame them. I wasn't really trying to make any friends, like ever."

 _"Don't worry about any of that. I'm going to take care of a lot of this for you. You just need to show up, be on your best behavior and convince J'onn and Vasquez that you are not your past. I don't think it'll be too hard since you are_ not _your past, so don't stress yourself out over it."_

"When is it?" An announcement came over the store's PA telling Sam she needed to collect her items and proceed to checkout to make her purchase; the store would be closing in ten minutes. She grabbed one of the laptops she had been comparing.

 _"In a few days. Vasquez needs to dig around on you. But don't worry!"_ Alex added quickly. _"Again, it's standard procedure. We can't just let anyone in here. A couple years ago, before Vasquez and I were put on the recruiting board, we had someone make it in who wasn't who they said they were. We're a lot more careful than we used to be now."_

"Who were they?"

 _"Foreign agent who was told to infiltrate and use our mainframe to hack national security."_

"Did they?"

 _"Oh no. He tried but his hacking skills weren't up to par with our security."_

"Hang on." Sam made small talk with the cashier while she checked her out, bagging the new computer and wishing Sam a nice night. "Hey, still there?"

 _"Yea."_

"Sorry. But, hey, listen, I'm on my way home now. Are you going to be there?"

 _"Yea. Maggie wants to stay over tonight. She hasn't seen you in a while and wanted to hang out. That okay?"_

"Alex, it's your place. You guys can do whatever you want."

 _"True but you're staying here now so I don't want you to feel like…I don't know, uncomfortable or something. I mean, I don't have a door to my room. It's a little more, um, in your face, ya know?"_

"It's fine. I mean…" Sam squirmed with what she wanted to say. It was awkward and she didn't wanna talk about it with Alex of all people. "Just don't like, I mean, don't be weird."

Alex laughed loudly on her side of the line. It made Sam's face heat up even more. _"You're 22 and you can't even say it."_

"Well it sounds like you can't either!" Sam exclaimed back. "And I don't even wanna think about that. You and Maggie." Sam faked a shudder.

 _"You don't have to. I would never do that to you. Nor would Maggie so chill out."_

"I am chill. I was just trying to say that the only time I would ever care is if you guys…did _that_."

 _"While this conversation is super entertaining for me, I'm gonna go ahead and end it. I'll talk to you when you get home, Sam."_

"Okay. Bye."

 _"Bye."_

Alex hung up the phone and chuckled to herself. She tossed her phone to the side. Maggie turned and looked up at her, her head resting in Alex's lap on a pillow.

"What's so funny?"

"Sam. She said the only time she would care if you stayed over is if we had sex while she was here but she couldn't even say it. She's like a little kid sometimes."

"Can we please freak her out when she gets home?"

"Oh no." Alex shook her head at the mischievous smirk Maggie had on. "No. Whatever you are already planning would probably leave me just as mortified as Sam." She didn't let up though, sitting up to be eye level with Alex. "Maggie, _no_."

Alex's smile and laugh probably weren't helping her any. "Come on, Danvers. It'll be fun. We won't really do anything, just make Sam think we were."

Maggie moved closer and Alex really couldn't bring herself to move back. Not that she had anywhere to go. Couch behind her, couch arm beside her, Maggie taking up everything else.

"This is a bad idea." Alex said, it didn't sound convincing even to her.

"I think that you think it's a great idea."

By the time Sam made it to Alex's apartment building, it was nearing eleven. She felt kind of bad. If she had known Maggie wanted to hang out with them, she would've done her shopping some other night. As it was, Sam wasn't sure how much hanging out could really happen since the latest any of them had to be at work was at nine for Alex and Maggie.

Opting for the elevator on account of her sore legs, Sam's assent to the apartment was faster than usual. She slid her key into the lock and pushed the door open, stepping in and not paying much attention. "Hey, I'm back."

Then Sam looked up and saw Maggie facing her, straddling Alex. Alex's head bent forward and her hands covering her face with a groan. Sam stood there looking at Maggie looking at her. Not sure what to do but feeling awkward and flustered for having walked in. Then she felt ridiculous and it all came pouring out of her. She wasn't mad but she was uncomfortable. Very uncomfortable.

"We just talked about this!" She yelled and turned around. Maggie laughed and Sam heard the couch springs protest. She risked turning back around. Maggie was sitting on the couch, still laughing and Alex was standing, red as hell and facing Sam now.

"I know. I'm sorry! Blame Maggie!"

"It was so worth it." Maggie got out between laughs. "Too easy."

"You suck." Sam narrowed her eyes at Maggie.

"I'm not even sorry at all."

"I take back what I said earlier. Maggie can't stay over."

"Oh shush, Baby Danvers. There's no reason to be embarrassed. It's a beautiful thing that happens between–"

"OKAY." Alex bulldozed whatever Maggie was going to say and Sam was grateful. The smile Maggie was wearing meant it was only going to make things worse. Maggie laughed harder. "How was shopping?"

"Got everything I needed." Sam answered, moving to where she kept her stuff to put her purchases down.

"Good." Alex sat back on the couch but pushed Maggie away with a playful glare when she tried to snuggle into her side. Maggie smiled but tried again. "Did you wanna talk about your hearing anymore?"

"Yea, Alex told me. Congrats, Baby Danvers. That's great!"

"Thanks, and no. I think I'm good. Let's talk or do something else. I'm gonna start getting nervous if we don't."

"Movie?" Maggie suggested. "I'm definitely going to fall asleep but we can still try."

"I know you two wanted to hang out," Alex started, "but I think we should all get to bed. We'll try again a different night."

"That's probably a good idea." Sam agreed. "Sorry Maggie."

"No worries. We'll go celebrate after your hearing as our raincheck."

"Night Sam." Alex dragged Maggie off the couch and into her room.

Sam took her time getting ready for bed, unpacking her new things and messing around with her laptop and setting it up. She wanted to give Alex and Maggie first dibs on the bathroom. Her extra hours of shopping and walking must have been more tiring than Sam first thought. She fell asleep sitting up right with her head tipped back to the back of the couch and laptop on her lap.


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N: You get two posts in two days b/c I forgot to post Tuesday when I should have. Enjoy! Next should be on Saturday. I have a busy weekend coming up the next two weekends. I'll try to get some writing in too but no promises which means posting might slow down a bit (I have through this weekend and a couple days next week pre-written though). Thanks for reading!**

The hearing ended up being four days later. During those days of waiting, Sam was a nervous mess. The two lunches Kara dragged her to with Lena as a distraction barely helped. In the moment, they did. Sam liked Lena just as much as Kara told her she would. But after, Sam was back to fretting and disparaging thoughts. The only other thing that helped was working out and Sam threw herself into it with new vigor.

She upped her lifting, ran after. She ran before work and after. Any time she started feeling overwhelmed, she worked out. Her muscles were getting used to it again. She was still sore but it didn't have the same painful edge anymore. It was almost a pleasant ache now. A reminder that her hard work was paying off little by little.

Alex tried to help curb the nerves too. They had dinners with Maggie and Alex would show up for lunch at work with both her sisters on the days they weren't with Lena. It would've been annoying if Sam didn't appreciate the distraction so much.

On the fourth day, a Tuesday that felt like D-day, Sam was sitting in one of the DEO conference rooms. She sat at the end of a long table while J'onn, Alex and who she assumed was Vasquez sat on the other. Vasquez had a laptop in front of her that she didn't seem to stop typing on, even to talk.

"Sam." J'onn greeted, serious but a touch of warmth. He gave her a brief smile before continuing. "You've been recommended, by Agent Danvers here, to join the Department of Extranormal Operations. Because she's your sister and because she's an agent for the DEO herself, we have to have this hearing to ensure that you are as fully qualified as she says you are. The agent to my left is Susan Vasquez. She's one of our tech operators.

"Now, we have dug through your personal files already, allowing Agent Danvers to recommend you was your permission for us to do so. We have a few questions for you and then you'll have a chance to tell us anything you think pertinent to your case. As to the familial relationship between yourself and Agent Danvers, she will not be participating in this hearing. She is here simply to observe in order to contribute her opinion once we get around to making our decision. Do you understand?"

"Yes." Sam answered simply. She knew how this went. Speak when spoken to. Keep quiet otherwise. Listen and obey. She tried to coax her inner disobedience away from the edge, reminding herself that this was the DEO, this was different. She could take these orders. She was different now.

"Let's get started then."

They were thorough. Every incident Sam had with authority since she was ten. School fights, fights that didn't actually have any records so Sam had no idea how they knew about them. Her high school fights, the one that sent her to military school.

They were very interested in the turnaround she had academically once she was at Howe Military Academy. It was easy to explain when she spoke about Howe's patience for lazy failure. All of it was surprisingly easy to explain away. She didn't make excuses though. Most of it, she simply said that she dealt with loss in the wrong way but she's learned from it. She's older and wiser and willing to make changes at this point in her life.

Sam was starting to fidget. They had been in that room for hours. Not only were they thorough in bring up each incident, they thoroughly went through them. Not leaving one stone left unturned. Details that Sam thought were useless they were curious about.

"I have what I need, sir." Vasquez commented with a last hit of a key. She gave him a nod.

"Very good. Before we turn this over to you, Sam. There is someone who wanted to come and speak on your behalf." J'onn motioned out one of the windows into the main DEO area. Then Sam had to double take. The agent was leading Varela in, Lieutenant Varela. Her commanding officer. Sam thought she'd never see him again.

J'onn stood and greeted him with a hand shake. "Thank you for making time for us, Lieutenant."

"My pleasure, Director Henshaw." Henshaw? Sam shot a confused look at Alex who gave a small shake of her head in reply. Sam let it drop but made a mental note to ask later.

He turned to her then and she hastily stood not quite at attention but stiffer than she normally would. She wasn't sure how to address him now that she wasn't under his command. He chuckled and offered his hand to her. "You can relax, Sam. How are you?"

"I'm good, sir. What are you, uh, doing here?"

"I got a call that you were interviewing for the DEO and needed an extra recommendation. I thought I'd come help you out best I could."

"Thank you."

"Please, have a seat." J'onn gestured to both of them as he took his own again. "Lieutenant Varela, these are Agents Alex Danvers and Susan Vasquez. They're part of my recruiting board." Varela nodded at both woman. He didn't seem surprised to hear Danvers but Sam had never even mentioned she had siblings to him. She wondered if he was what Alex meant when she said she would take care of things for her. "Agents, this is Lieutenant Martin Varela. He was Sam's commanding officer during her time in the army. The floor is yours, sir."

"Thank you." He cleared his throat then adjusted his cuffs. "Last week when I was contacted about Sam becoming part of your agency, I was more than a little surprised. I'm sure you already know, since I'm well aware how in depth these hearings can be, but Sam wasn't a stand-up, clean-cut soldier for me."

Sam internally groaned. The calm she had given herself before was shattered. It didn't sound like Varela was going to help her out at all. In fact, she was positive he was there to ruin it.

"But, I don't think you'll have the same problems I did. The DEO isn't the United States Army. You deal in a whole different sphere than we do and I think that will make a huge difference. I believe that the Army is helping the world but in a more drawn out, murky way that often gets corrupted by bad officers and soldiers.

"If there is one thing I know about Sam Danvers, is that she refuses to put up with the corrupted and wrong. All of her incidents, as you read, were in retaliation of some bully or wrong order. Or, Sam thinking that her own ideas are a more direct approach to helping than her orders. That one you guys will have to figure out on your own but I think that is a small flaw to fix in a woman who would fit in seamlessly with your agency. You'd be idiots to turn Sam away."

Varela finished and Sam stared at the side of his face. Shocked as hell. She never knew he felt like that. Never thought he held her in such high esteem because she had made his life so difficult. He turned slightly, looked at her from the corner of his eye and winked at her before focusing back on J'onn.

He chuckled. "I'll keep that in mind Lieutenant. Thank you for your time."

"Thank you for listening." Varela stood and left the room. Sam watched him but couldn't follow him once he was out of the window frame.

"That's all we need for today, Sam." J'onn started, "We'll discuss everything we've gone over and heard today then make our decision within the next 48 hours. I know you are aware of this, you know more than a normal recruit but I have to say it anyways, do not talk to anyone outside of the DEO about this hearing or anything else that has to do with the DEO. Do you understand?"

"Yes sir."

"Good." He nodded. "We'll talk to you soon then."

Sam thanked each of them then headed out into the DEO looking for Varela. She hoped he hadn't left. She had questions and more than anything, she wanted to thank him. He didn't have to be here. He didn't have to say all those nice thing. It was the least she could do.

He stood on the raised dais of steps that separated the main bay of the DEO from the entrance. His hat in hand. She jogged up the steps. "Lieutenant?"

"Hey." He smiled at her, nodded toward the conference room. "How do you think it went in there?"

"Pfft. After what you said? I think my chances went up by half."

"Don't sell yourself short, Sam. You aren't your past."

Sam smiled at that. "My sister said something like that."

"That her in there?" Sam nodded. "She's the one who called me but I didn't think it would be very professional to chat her up about how you two were related."

"Thank you for coming and…and saying all of that. I may not be my past but saying I wasn't a stand-up or clean-cut soldier was putting it mildly, Lieutenant. I didn't deserve it so thank you."

"Sam, you're not under my command anymore. You can call me Marty, or just Varela. You don't have to keep calling me by my title." He smiled. It was weird to think of him as someone who called himself Marty. "I was serious when I said I think this will be a good fit for you. I was serious when I said all of it, actually. I'm glad you're trying to turn things around. A few mistakes were the only thing stopping you from being a good solider so I think you'll make a great agent."

"Right, well, I can't say it enough. Thank you."

"You're welcome, Sam." He smiled again and stuck his hand out. Sam took it. "I need to get back to base. Good luck with everything."

"You too, Lieutenant. Uh, Mar- Varela." She cringed with a smile. Calling him Marty was just too weird, it wasn't going to happen. "Bye."

After talking with Varela, Sam wasn't sure what she was supposed to do. She had taken the day off from CatCo and was not trying to go and finish out the day. Kara and Maggie were working. Alex was deciding her future with J'onn and Vasquez.

"Hey Sam." Scruffy Ken Doll walked up to her with a smile. "Fancy seeing you here. Actually, no. You're trying to be DEO, right?"

"Yea." Sam decided she could be nice to Scruffy. Maybe stop calling him that. Kara had gotten over whatever it was between them, kind of. Instead of disappointed now she was just awkward. "What are you doing here?"

"I still kind of live here. It sucks but I don't have to pay for it so that's pret-tay great."

"Oh." Sam looked at him. She sighed and decided that she could employ her recently sharpened social skills. It's not like Mon-El ever did anything to warrant her dislike except be a little douchey. "So what do you do all day?"

"Sometimes I work at the bar but I'm off today. What about you?"

"I work at CatCo, run mail for them." Sam leaned back onto the railing.

"I tried that, working at CatCo. I was just an intern or whatever but it didn't go very well."

"I can only imagine." Sam said dryly. Mon-El didn't seem to catch it. Instead, he laughed and continued on with his story.

"Yea. It was like right around when I got to Earth and I still didn't understand anything. On Daxim, I didn't really have to work so it was all new to me."

"I thought you were a royal guard on Daxim? That sounds like work to me."

"Oh." Mon-El made some other noises and moved his hands around, shaking his head. "Ya know, I was but watching after royalty is a lot easier than it sounds. Like babysitting but without having to actually do anything. There weren't too many dangerous threats and really, it was just boring."

"Okay." Sam cut him off, looking at him like he was crazy. "Forget I asked."

"Right." He drawled out, moving to lean next to Sam. "So, how'd that meeting thing go? Did you get in?"

"Don't know yet. That was just a preliminary hearing to see if I'm as qualified as I claim to be."

"Gotcha. What are you gonna do now then?"

Sam shrugged. "Dunno. That's what I was trying to figure out until you started talking to me."

"Oh I'm…I'm sorry." He stood and pointed away from them. "I can go if you want. I didn't mean to bother you."

"Uh, no. I didn't mean it like that. You're not bothering me." Not really, she had to admit. He wasn't so bad. A little annoying but not so bad.

"Do you want to do something with me? It gets pretty boring around here and everyone is working or whatever."

Not that bad but no. Sam did not want to hang out with Mon-El. She'd draw the line there. But how to do it without being rude? Sam snorted, Mon-El giving her an odd look that she didn't care to notice. She was spending too much time with Kara if she was suddenly worried about offending Mon-El of all people.

"I'm good, Mon-El. I'm just gonna head out. See ya." She didn't wait for a response, throwing a wave over her shoulder as she walked down the stairs and out of the DEO. Now she just needed a different distraction. Maybe she would head up to CatCo.


	29. Chapter 29

Her trip to CatCo didn't go to plan. The place was chaotic. Everyone was in a big hurry, frantic, going from one task to the other like they were possessed. Kara was out running down leads for Snapper, probably running down bad guys as Supergirl too. She stopped by Emma's desk, the first one everyone sees on the 42nd floor. She was barely paying attention, scribbling something in a notebook. Sam knew better than that though.

"Hey." Sam leaned on the raised counter of the desk. She smiled when Emma finally looked up. "Working hard or hardly working?"

"You're the worst." Emma returned the smile and put her pen down, giving Sam her attention. "I thought you weren't going to be in today?"

"I wasn't and I'm not. I just came up looking for Kara. She's not back in the bullpen, have you seen her around?"

Emma shook her head. "She left in a hurry about an hour ago. I haven't seen her come back in yet."

That was as good as surveillance video. Emma noticed everyone's coming and going, it was her job. She didn't always acknowledge them or slow down their progress. That's why she was good at it. She knew when she was needed and when she wasn't.

Sam grunted. Not happy she came all the way up to the top floor for no reason. "What about James? Er, uh, Mr. Olsen. Is he busy?"

"Yes. _Very_ busy. Honestly, you couldn't have picked a worse day to be out."

"Why?"

"Ms. Grant is in today." Emma said reverently with just a touch of terror to it. Sam raised an eyebrow at her.

"Like Cat Grant? And Kara isn't with her?"

Emma shrugged. "I already told you I don't know where your sister is. But Ms. Grant came to check in on things. She's meeting with Mr. Olsen now."

"Is that why everything's so crazy?" Emma nodded. That telltale smear of blue and red going by the windows caught Sam's attention. "Can I, uh, go back and wait until Ms. Grant leaves? I have something I wanted to talk to Jam– Mr. Olsen about." Sam lied. She had only wanted to waste a little time and she hadn't seen James around since his last hero disagreement with Kara.

"I don't know, Sam. This is _Ms. Grant_. She's really particular and…I just don't know."

"Come on, Emma." Sam smiled, tilted her head. Turned the charm on. That schmoozing she had been good at when she was 10? Yea, it was coming back. Like riding a bike. "I promise to be on my best behavior."

Emma rolled her eyes, adjusted her glasses and relented. "Fine but I swear, Sam, if anything happens, I am not covering for you. And! You owe me breakfast tomorrow."

"Whatever you want." Sam agreed with a toothy grin and a small salute as she slipped off toward James's office. Inside, just like she knew she would find, was James and Supergirl and an older blonde woman she didn't know but knew was Cat Grant even without being told she was in the building.

Sam did as she promised Emma and waited by James's assistant. "Your Kara Danvers's sister, right?"

She made a slow turn toward the woman. "Yea. I'm Sam. We've met a few times, Eve. Like every day for the past couple weeks."

"Oh right. Sorry! I didn't really recognize you." She gave a disapproving up down. Sam followed her eyes down at herself. "You look different."

"I'm wearing jeans, Eve. It isn't the end of the world."

"Anyways." She chippered along. "Have Mike and your sister gotten back together yet?"

"Excuse me? …Mike?" Sam had never met a Mike connected to Kara in her entire life. Not even any of the kids in her classes had been named Mike. And Kara hadn't dated since James, as far as Sam was told.

"Did you not know…should I not have told you?"

Sam shook her head and turned away, thoroughly done with Eve. "Kara isn't dating anyone."

Luckily, Kara to the rescue at that moment. She made eye contact with Sam over Cat Grant's shoulder. She waved her in.

"Ms. Grant," Kara announced in her Supergirl voice, "this is Sam Danvers. I'm sure Kara would want you two to be introduced if she was here. You helped her get a job!"

"Hm, I'm sure." Cat drawled as she turned around. Sam stood frozen as she scrutinized her. Suddenly, Sam wished she hadn't changed from her DEO interview. But that didn't matter. Sam squared her chin and let Cat measure her. "I thought there was only one other Danvers and this," Cat bobbed a finger up and down Sam, "isn't her."

"Kara has two sisters, ma'am. Sam's the youngest and Alex, the sister you've met, is the oldest."

"Leaving our Kara as the middle child. Hm," Cat hummed again. "That makes sense."

She continued her study of Sam without any more interruptions. After a few tense seconds, Cat seemed to find her answer. She stuck her hand out in between them, impatiently. Sam stepped forward to accept the handshake.

"It's nice to meet you, Samantha."

"Uh, just Sam. If you wouldn't mind, ma'am. No one calls me Samantha except my mom."

Cat cocked an eyebrow at that, a smile playing around her mouth but not fully coming out.

"Bold too. Just like the other Danvers I know. Not too many people correct me." That small smile grew a bit before disappearing. "You work for me. Doing what?"

"I'm a mail jockey for the top floors, ma'am." Cat squinted at Sam again.

"Right, I remember that now. How are you liking it?"

Sam shrugged. "It's a good enough job. Not something I want to do long term but I'm extremely grateful for both you and Kara for helping me."

She hadn't known that Kara's in for the top floors was freaking Cat Grant. She thought it was James or like maybe Snapper. It shouldn't be surprising though. Kara worshipped the ground Cat Grant walked on and to hear Alex tell it, Cat had a soft spot for their sister.

"Polite, grateful, bold. Your family has excellent traits." Cat started to turn away then spun back. "Don't tell Kara I said that. I still need to have a firm conversation with her." Cat turned back to a smiling Supergirl and James. The latter nodding for Sam to take a seat on the couch.

"I don't want to talk about this Luthor case," Cat began, jumping right back in. "I am only here to make sure you are running my company smoothly, not to make any creative decisions."

"I assure you, Cat, we have everything under control. Our numbers have been slowly rising since their last drop."

"You mean since I left. There's no need to tip-toe around it, James. I understand what my leaving looked like to our investors."

"Right." He agreed uneasily.

Cat turned to Supergirl then. "And you? It seems like you've been doing well for yourself without my outstanding advice. That little run in with Livewire had me worried."

"I miss you but don't worry, ma'am. I'm doing just fine."

"You know, The Guardian helped out with Livewire too." James added. Sam cringed. She watched Kara tense but she kept it together. Sam was sure that Cat saw right through it though.

"Hm, yes. I'm sure he did." Cat walked over and perched on the side of her desk. "How do you feel about The Guardian, Supergirl?"

Kara smiled and dodged the bullet. "I'm not giving you an exclusive, Ms. Grant. Besides, you just said you weren't here for any kind of creative input or decision!"

Cat shrugged. "Can't blame a girl for trying."

"Well, Ms. Grant. I have to get going. I've got a city to protect."

Sam was surprised when Cat got up and pulled Supergirl into a hug. It wasn't long or overly affectionate but Sam guessed it was exactly those things for Cat Grant. "Be safe out there, Supergirl and remember: you are a symbol of hope for this city. Do not let it down. Or me."

"I would never dream of it, Ms. Grant." Kara smiled then took off through the window.

Sam sat and listened to James and Cat discuss CatCo. It was boring but better than sitting at home doing nothing. She at least got to know the company a little better. A respectable and believable time later, Kara came rushing into the office.

"Ms. Grant!" She exclaimed like she hadn't just been in the room with her. Cat's smile actually came out when she looked at Kara. "I didn't know you were going to be in town!? Hi!"

Kara went in for a hug but pulled up short at the last second. She fixed her glasses even though they didn't need to be.

"Kara. I've been here for an hour and no one's brought me any coffee yet." Kara's face dropped and she went to turn around and, Sam guessed, go get Cat her coffee. Cat chuckled and stopped her, pulling her into a hug. "I'm only messing with you."

"Oh." Kara chuckled nervously. "I could go get you a coffee if you wanted on though. Or ask Eve to. She's James's assistant so technically it wouldn't be outside of her job description and I'm sure she would love to help you out, Ms. Grant."

"No, Kara. I'm fine but let's leave these two and go talk about your budding reporter career. I've talked to Snapper already." Kara slumped a bit as Cat directed her out of the office. "And say hello to your sister. You didn't even look at her when you came in. I taught you better than that." Cat scolded her. It made Sam laugh.

"Hi Sam." Kara said exactly like she just got scolded.

"Hey Kara."

That left Sam with James. He didn't say anything for a while. Just watched the two women walk away from his office. Then he sighed and rounded his desk to sit down.

"What brings you by on your day off, Sam?"

She had to admire his ability to shake things off and be present. The brush off of The Guardian had hit a sore sport for him. Luckily, Cat was so caught up in Supergirl that she didn't notice. At least Sam thought she didn't. She got the feeling with that woman, you never knew and she always did.

"Nothing really." Sam shrugged and deflected. It felt weird to openly say she didn't want to be home alone and nervous.

"Okay, no worries. You're welcome here whenever you want. Although, you might want to avoid the mailroom. I don't think they'd like to see you on your day off."

"That's a good point. Who's covering my floors anyway?"

"Tony. John told me he practically jumped at the chance. I think he's gunning for your job. Better watch out."

"He can have it."

James laughed. "CatCo not what you thought?"

"Oh no. It's exactly what I thought. If Kara were a company, she'd be CatCo and that's about what I was expecting if I really think about it."

"I don't know, Sam. Maybe if all we published were fluff pieces, good news, or pictures of baby animals."

"Or Supergirl."

"Right." He answered, a little forced and tense. "She does love Supergirl, and being a superhero and deciding who can't be a superhero."

"Someone's a little bitter."

"Cat wasn't even interested in Guardian. That woman loves anything news worthy and she didn't even bat an eye when I mentioned him."

"She seemed a little obsessed with Supergirl so are you really surprised?"

"I guess not." James sighed. "I just don't understand why your sister has to be so stubborn about this."

"You just said it. She's stubborn. Don't worry, she'll come around. Keep doing your thing and taking care of yourself. She's just worried is all."

"But Mon-El–"

"Is as invincible as she is." Sam finished for him. It didn't matter where he was going to go with that sentence or what either of them thought of Mon-El, he was an alien with powers. Logically, he was the first choice for a hero. "Her decision to help him has nothing to do with you. To her, Mon-El has powers and he should use them to help people. He was made to be a hero.

"And you, James, no offense but you had to make yourself into a hero. Physically, I mean. You're totally a hero in values and shit. Her decision about Mon-El and her refusal to accept your decision to be a hero are not related."

He didn't respond right away. James looked at Sam hard, weighing her words and she let him. The only other person he had to talk to about this was Nerdy…Winn and Sam had a feeling that Winn was just as offended that Kara didn't think they could hero as James was. He was too close to the situation to really help anything other than their anger levels rising.

James looked away and started tapping a pen long ways on his desk. He looked across the room at nothing but the far wall. Then up to the screens behind his desk. Finally, back to Sam.

"I know you're right but that doesn't really help anything."

"Yes, it does. Except you're the one being stubborn now. You want to be all pissy about Mon-El getting trained and let out into the field with Kara but it has nothing to do with why she doesn't want you out in the field. Let that go and you won't be as upset about it."

"Sam. It's the same thing. Her not wanting me out there but wanting him, it's not fair."

"No, it isn't! It isn't the same and maybe it isn't fair but Mon-El has powers. That has nothing to do with you. Kara doesn't have to worry about him getting hurt. If anything, this should be like a comforting thing because it means she cares more about your wellbeing. Even with your suit, which is badass; I will give you that, you can't take the beating that Kara or Mon-El can. That's just basic human vs alien science and it isn't anything against you. So, like I said, keep doing your thing and she'll come around."

"Alex told me the same thing, more or less."

"Well, there you go. Definitely listen to her."

James nodded a little, absentmindedly. Then he took a quick deep breath and changed the subject. "Since you're here and I know your family and know that nothing is wrong with them, what's the real reason you called off today?"

"How do you even know the fake reason I called off?" Alex had made it clear that Sam wasn't allowed to talk about her DEO hearing to anyone who didn't already know about the DEO. That left her with the lame excuse of a family issue to call off with.

"I'm the boss, Sam, I know everything." He smiled at her and she just kept staring, waiting for him to elaborate. He did with a laugh, "And I like to know who's out. I get a list sent by each department and the reasons are listed as well."

"That's weird." James shrugged. "I don't really know if I'm allowed to tell you. Because, like, Alex said no one who didn't know about the DEO and you know about it but J'onn said no one outside the DEO. I don't even know where you fall on the spectrum."

"So I'm gonna guess this has something to do with the DEO?" James joked. Sam rolled her eyes but still chuckled a bit.

"No shit."

"What about it? I practically already guessed so you might as well tell me."

It was good enough logic. Sam was itching to talk about it with someone not Alex. Kara would only gush about how great Sam would be as an agent and that she totally had it in the bag. Maggie would parrot a combination of both her sisters. That wasn't exactly fair. Sam knew Maggie wouldn't tell Sam anything that she didn't believe was true but it still felt too close.

But James, he might have that distance Sam needed. Her thoughts were chewing her up as is. She needed someone to talk to.

"You did pretty much guess it."

"See!" James swung both his arms out with a tilt of his head, asking to be told. "Come on. You know you wanna tell me."

"Yea, yea." Sam paused, still debating but then she decided she didn't care enough about Alex and J'onn's warnings. She'd rather talk it out. "I'm kind of being recruited into the DEO."

"Really!? That's great! So, what did you need work off for then? I mean obviously it's DEO related but did you have like an interview or a field test or, how does any of that even work?"

"I am most definitely not allowed to tell you all that."

"Okay, fine. Can you at least tell me what you had today?"

Sam nodded. "A recommendation hearing. It was like an interview."

"How'd it go?"

"I have no idea. I think okay? One of my commanding officers came in and added his recommendation to Alex's. I think that really helped my chances. J'onn says they'll let me know in the next 48 hours."

"That's intense. You nervous?"

"So fucking nervous." Sam laughed. Nervous might not even be the word for what she was feeling. More like terrified anxiety.

"I'm sure you'll pass with flying colors. Seriously. If you're anything like either of your sisters, you're going to be fine."

A month ago that would have been an infuriating insult. Now, it was kind of nice. Sam would never admit that. She'd fight tooth and nail that she was nothing like her sisters but if other people wanted to believe that she was in the same class as Alex and Kara then really, who was she to change their minds. Unless they tried to convince her. Tooth and nail against that. She had a reputation to uphold.

"Yea." Sam answered lamely. "Well, don't you have like work or something to do, boss man? I really shouldn't be in here distracting you. I should probably get going."

"I actually do have some work to get to. Thanks for the talk. Both for the help and for the DEO update. It was nice to talk about someone else's issues for once. No offense."

"None taken, big guy. I'll see ya later."

Sam was sure to avoid Kara on her way out of James's office but turned out that she didn't have to. It seemed like Cat was still talking to her. Kara was nowhere to be seen. Easy get away for Sam.

Her sister had put on a brave face while in James's office but Sam knew she was still mad about the whole Guardian thing. Sam didn't want to be scolded for not giving James the cold shoulder until he changed his mind.

She trailed her hand along the top of Emma's desk, stopping in front of her with a smile. "What do you want for breakfast tomorrow? That was the deal, right?"

Emma looked up then sat back with a hand to her chin. A steady contemplation of what she wanted with a smug smile. "Hm. I don't know, Sam. How about you surprise me? Something tells me you're a breakfast enthusiast."

"Oh no." Sam laughed, shaking her head. "No, no. That's Kara. Even Alex is more of a breakfast person than I am."

"See," Emma leaned forward again, looking up at Sam, "I think you're lying so that's my answer. Surprise me."

"Hey, it's not my fault if you're disappointed. I warned you." Sam answered, hands up in a shrug as she backed away. She dropped them. "I'll see you tomorrow, Emma."

"Bye!"


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N: Happy Easter! Or, if you're like my family and don't celebrate religiously, Happy Easter Bunny Day! Or, if you don't celebrate at all, I hope you have a wonderful day :) Enjoy this super short chapter and thanks for reading.**

Sam fumbled with her phone, trying to juggle her keys and Alex's mail and her few grocery bags, all she wanted was to get inside and put everything down but she couldn't ignore the ringing. Some instinct was telling her this was not a call to let go to voicemail. "Hello?"

 _"Is this Sam Danvers?"_ A deep voice, vaguely familiar asked.

"Yes." Sam finally got the door open and pushed it closed behind her with her foot, taking quick steps toward the kitchen to put everything down. "Who is this?"

 _"This is Director Hank Henshaw at the DEO."_

"Hank Henshaw?" The name poked at something in Sam's mind but she couldn't put a finger on what. Just like the voice, it was familiar but not enough to identify.

 _"You know me as J'onn, Sam. Hank is my human name and what I officially have to use for DEO matters. This is an official phone call, by the way. Do you have a moment to talk?"_

"Of course, sir."

 _"Excellent. I'm calling to let you know that your recommendation has gone through. Your hearing went well and we got satisfactory answers to all of our questions. The added recommendation from Lieutenant Varela really helped you out too. Not that you needed it, Sam. Don't confuse my words. I just mean that it made our decision much easier. We're excited to offer you this opportunity._

 _"Sam Danvers, the Department of Extranormal Operations would like to extend to you an invite to go through our recruiting process and see if you have what it takes to become a DEO agent. Do you accept?"_

"Yes, sir. Thank you, sir." She didn't bother trying to act cool and calm, hide her excitement. The part that worried her was over. The other tests only depended on Sam and what she could do. Not what she'd done. "I'm excited too. What happens next?"

 _"Next you come in for some psych evaluations and if those go well, we move on to our more physical tests. The next tests will be revealed as you pass each. Do you have any questions?"_

"Two. First, when will I know if I've passed everything? I do have a job with CatCo that's not very flexible. To give the DEO my full attention and also, to be respectful to CatCo, I'll need to know when to put in my resignation."

 _"I officially can't answer that question, Sam. Nor can I suggest that you stop by the DEO sometime to see your sister, preferably while I'm on duty and ask me the same question off the record."_ Sam smiled. It was like a bad dad joke or something. _"I can give you an estimate though. The psych evaluations will be done in a single day. After that, one to two weeks of physical testing then a field test. You'll have multiple field tests though so it'll be a couple days. I understand that isn't a real answer but I hope it was at least helpful."_

"Yea, it was. Thank you, sir." It was easier than Sam thought to slip back into the military vernacular. She thought her days of using titles was over. Now it was coming back better than her first go at the lingo.

 _"Your last question?"_

"When do you need me to come in for testing?"

 _"That depends on you. We'd like you in as soon as possible but I do understand that you have another job right now. Speak with your supervisor at CatCo and see what the next date you can request off is. Whenever that is, we'll have you come in. We do need a full day though. Tell Alex when that is and she will schedule you in around the other recruits."_

That would be an issue. She just called off for the hearing. But…it wasn't like she planned to be at CatCo much longer. An infraction wouldn't hurt her too much. She'd have to call John and ask. He seemed like he knew it was only a short-term gig for Sam. Maybe he wouldn't be too tore up about her taking another day.

"I'll get right on that, sir."

 _"Anything else, Ms. Danvers?"_

"No, sir."

 _"Very well. I look forward to seeing you back her for your psych evaluations."_

"Me too, sir. Good night."

 _"Good night."_

Sam tossed her phone across the apartment toward the couch, not caring as it bounced off and clattered to the floor. She was too consumed in her victory dance and uncoordinated fist pumps. It was still early and there was more than enough time for Sam to mess it all up but she could see the light at the end of the tunnel. There was hope. No more messing up, no more being a disappointment.

This was an opportunity to help, _contribute_ to society, and be a positive force. This could turn her life around. It was exactly what Sam needed. Staying with Alex and working at CatCo had been great first steps but this was more. The DEO was Sam's decision. Sam getting out and doing something for herself. _Her_ credentials. _Her_ experience. _Her_ test results.

Alex may have recommended her. She may have gotten Varela to vouch for Sam one more time but it was all still Sam. She hadn't felt this good since…a very long time. Maybe ever since she can remember. Things were looking up and it was about damn time in Sam's opinion.


	31. Chapter 31

The super friends loved that alien bar. The one Sam had to be dragged out of. This was her fourth time there in as many weeks since that first outing, only as few because she declined Alex and Maggie's offer to join them a handful of times. She had to admit that when she wasn't being called out by people who barely knew her or trying to drunkenly defend her sister's honor, it was a great bar.

Except that tonight she had to play nice with Scruffy Ken Doll…Mon-El; she was going to start calling him Mon-El, since he was serving her drinks. One thing the man-child could do well was pour a heavy drink.

Tonight she was there in support. Banding together with Kara to give Alex whatever she needed to tell the rest of their friends that she was dating Maggie. She had to strangle her eyes into place with each question Nerdy Hobbit had about Alex's 'new mystery man.' She almost jumped on Alex and Maggie in relief when her sister finally walked up and let the cat out of the bag.

Her annoyance at Winn was replaced with a warm sense of pride in her sister as she bashfully leaned in to push at Maggie, smiling at everyone's words. She was so lost in her observation of her sister, that she completely missed why everyone was getting up from the table. She looked around and watched everyone except Kara and James go to a pool table. Kara and James stopped in front of one of the TVs that was running the latest on the Luthor trial. Sam steadfastly avoided them. Too many different topics that could make things uncomfortable quick.

Instead, she followed after Alex and stopped at her side, crossing her arms over her chest. They stood in silence, watching their friends joke and cheer Winn and Maggie on. Sam shot looks at Alex as subtly as she could and each time, her sister was focused on Maggie. A soft little smile on her face.

"Feels good to tell them, huh?" Sam finally asked. It was getting gross how consumed her sister was with her girlfriend. She needed to talk about something, even said girlfriend, before she got cavities.

Alex nodded. Not looking away from Maggie, who picked that moment to look up and wink at Alex. Sam mimed a gag that made Alex chuckle. "It really does. I didn't think it would make a difference even though Maggie said it would. She was right, as always."

"Of course, it makes a difference. You're really happy and now you can tell your friends about it. That makes it more exciting."

"Sounds like you know from experience." Alex turned toward Sam, a raised eyebrow and a knowing look. "Have any happiness you want to tell your friends about?"

"What? Pfft." Sam's chin pulled in and her eyes narrowed until they closed, her head shaking a quick negative. "No. I got nothing to tell you. There is no way in hell that I'm dating. I'm a mess and do not want to deal with that nonsense on top of this." Sam gestured at herself.

Alex thankfully didn't push. It may be because Winn shot the cue ball off the table and got the entire bar's attention onto their little table. Alex quickly pointed at him and forced a laugh out of Sam.

Winn looked at her then started chuckling too. "Maybe it isn't so much just math on a table."

"Dude. You're horrible. Worse than I am." Sam answered him, still laughing. He shrugged with a smile.

"I can't be perfect I guess."

Sam found herself warming up to Winn after that. His flying cue ball shattering the ice between them. Maybe it was all that time she was spending with Miss Forgiveness. Before, at the DEO with Mon-El, she had bulked at it. Thinking that Kara was ruining her but with Winn, it felt different. His comment before had been made drunkenly and he had apologized. There was no reason Sam should hold it against him. They might be working together soon anyway. It was as good a time as any to bury the hatchet.

The super friends didn't close the place down like they normally did. Most of them filtered out around the respectful time of nine to get the required sleep before work. Alex, Maggie, and Sam were the last to leave. Sam sitting and watching her sister destroy her girlfriend only because she needed to ride home. If it was up to her, she'd be dozing off on the couch instead of upright in a bar stool.

Kara didn't go into work the next day because of Lena's trial. Neither did Alex. Sam did. The decision to not go had been taken out of her hands since she called off for her hearing. It was a relief, truth be told. There was so much sisterly bonding going on. All of her time revolved around them now. She was going to hit her breaking point if she didn't get a break.

She walked into CatCo earlier than she normally would, wanting to get a jump on her deliveries. She had a breakfast to make time for after all. Sam made excellent time too. Starting earlier was a great idea. Half the people weren't at their desks yet so the small talk was halved. Half her floors were done when 9:30am hit, Emma's start of the day.

Sam parked her cart in an out-of-the-way corner of the 40th floor and went down to the mailroom kitchen. She grabbed the drink carrier out of the fridge and the bag out of one of the cabinets and made her way back up.

She plopped the bag loudly on Emma's desk then placed the drinks down more carefully. "Your breakfast, my lady." Sam presented with a shallow bow.

"We have orange juice. Kara tells me no breakfast is complete without some sort of juice. Now, I may not be a breakfast person but I do know that the morning juice of choice is the orange kind." Sam smiled, rising said cup with a flourish, and Emma listened, amused by the show. "Next, we have coffee. I don't drink this crap either but I know you love it. I have no idea how you take it so I also grabbed," Sam rummaged in the bag, dropping her Vanna White impersonation, "Ah. Here we go. I grabbed a ton of creamer and sugar."

"How thoughtful."

"That's how I do it. Food-wise, we have blueberry pancakes, maybe a little cold. Bacon _and_ sausage in case you have a preference, and hash browns. All from Noonan's. Kara's favorite for any meal, especially breakfast."

Emma narrowed her eyes at Sam. "Somehow I feel like this is cheating."

"What!? How? You asked for breakfast and here is a breakfast fit for a queen." Or a Kryptonian bottomless pit. Sam kept that to herself for obvious reasons though.

"You totally mooched off your sister!"

Sam laughed. "I told you I wasn't a breakfast person."

"Touché."

"Exactly! But, if you'll excuse me, some of us have work to do."

"Thanks Sam."

"You're welcome. Enjoy!" Sam smiled and dropped the teasing, waving before she headed back toward the elevators. Her sister free day was starting off pretty well in her opinion.

It didn't stay that way, though it wasn't until she got home from work that anything seemed off. A note from Alex on the counter signaling that something was up.

 _Sam – I don't know if you've seen the news but the trial was a disaster. Maggie had to arrest Lena. We're at the DEO, trying to figure it all out. I'm not sure when I'll be home. Alex._

Sam wasn't sure what to do with that information. She felt bad that Lena was arrested and that Kara was upset. She was worried about her sisters, a worry that grew as she flipped on the TV to see the news that Alex had mentioned. Matello, as the news referred to the kryptonite man, was dangerous for obvious reasons. Then add in Lillian Luthor who Alex told her was the head of Cadmus who took their dad. Last mix in that Lena is now being blamed and that was sure to have Kara acting irrationally and recklessly. Two things she can't afford to be with a kryptonite blasting metahuman.

There was nothing for Sam to do about it though. She wasn't DEO yet. She's never dealt with a situation like what was going on. So, instead, she cleaned the apartment and made herself dinner. She went for a run and got a lift in. But that was it for her distractions. Showering only increased her worried thoughts and sleep refused to come.

When her phone rang, after what felt like years of tossing and turning, Sam all but fell to the floor in her scramble to answer it. She barely spared a glance to see that it was Alex calling before she smashed the answer button and snapped the phone to her ear. "Hello?"

There was a pause before Alex answered her. _"Are you okay?"_

"I'm fine. Why?"

 _"I don't know. You just sound a little out of breath I guess or stressed."_

"Oh…well, no. I'm fine. What about you guys?" Sam deflected but didn't think about how her eager question would give away her worry anyways.

Alex sighed. _"We're fine. Things are…tense though."_

"Why?"

 _"Because Maggie had to arrest Lena and Kara is_ livid _. She keeps complaining about it even though Maggie was only doing her job."_

"So you guys are fighting?"

 _"No but close. Like, you know when you're mad at someone but you're trying not to be mad at them? So, it's just tense and uncomfortable? That's how we are. Which, I totally understand why she's mad but she just won't even acknowledge that the evidence Maggie has is solid and that she had_ no choice _but to arrest Lena."_

"What kind of evidence?"

 _"A video clip from L-Corp's security footage. We're having Winn check it over to make sure that it's legit but it's taking time."_

"I can't really see Lena helping her mom out. Do you?"

Alex sighed again. She took her time in answering. _"I don't want to believe it but I'm going to assume the worse. She's a Luthor and it doesn't have to mean that she's one of the bad guys but to protect Kara, I have to think that it does."_

"I thought you liked Lena?" Sam certainly did. She could feel her annoyance and anger rising. It didn't make sense that Alex could so blindly write someone off who Sam thought was one of their friends. At the very least, she was someone Kara cared for. Usually that was enough for Alex.

 _"I do and I hope to god that I'm wrong but I'm going to prepare like I'm not. Sam, you don't understand. The man who broke Lillian out? He's made out of kryptonite. He can hurt Kara, he could probably kill her. I can't let that happen."_

Alex had a point. Sam saw the video from the court house; that Matello guy could cause Kara real damage. The irreversible kind if he really put his mind to it. But, that didn't mean that they had to write Lena off. Or did they? Sam's need and want to believe in the people she was beginning to view as her friends instead of just her sisters' was warring with the very logical argument that Alex was supplying.

 _"I need to go. J'onn needs me. I most likely won't be home until really late, I'll try to be quiet when I come in."_

"Alright. Bye."

 _"Bye."_

Sam kept the news on mute after that. Willing herself to fall asleep but not able to stop watching the same stories run as she kept an eye out for any breaking news that might pop up. Alex still wasn't home by whatever time Sam finally fell asleep. It had only felt like seconds before her alarm clock was shocking her awake.


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N: To my readers who have been concerned with how fast Sam has forgiven, or her seeming change of character, you're right. It is too fast and she is different. But. I did this on purpose. You gotta remember that the girls want to mend their relationship, they're all on their best behavior. Especially Sam. That goes a long way in how easy it is to be nice to people. Things are also going really well for Sam. She doesn't have any serious stress going on which makes it easier to not be an asshole. The sisters are kind of in like their honeymoon stage. Everything is shiny and new and easy and right. Be patient and see what happens. This is called The Storm Before the Calm for a reason. They aren't out of the woods yet.**

 **A/N sidenote: I am at the end of my pre-written chapters. I have nothing planned for this weekend though except to write up a storm. Hopefully I can keep up the consistent posting but don't expect chapters every day this weekend (I'll try though!). Thanks for reading and all the reviews and stuff. I appreciate it and I hope you enjoy :)**

Getting up was difficult but Sam managed it. She dragged herself up and immediately checked Alex's bed. Her sister was there, lying face down and almost falling off the side. Her fingertips hanging a few inches above the ground and still in her uniform. Sam was honestly surprised that she had taken the time to lose the boots.

Before Sam went to get ready, she checked Alex's alarm and set two extra in case she slept through the first and pulled a blanket over her. Then she set the coffee pot up to make a doubly strong batch. She started it on her way out the door. Alex still passed out, she hadn't even moved once.

Work was hell. They were all in a tizzy because Matello broke Lena out of jail. That was going to be their main story, the front cover, despite the fact that they already had a front cover and were set to print in only a few short hours. Not to mention, Sam was _exhausted_. Thankfully, everyone's workload meant they weren't trying to talk her up as she made her deliveries.

A task that was cut short when her cell phone started going off. The first two calls Sam ignored; she wasn't supposed to use her phone on the job. Most of the other jockeys left them in the mailroom locker room. Sam refused to even go in there so she kept her phone in her back pocket and ignored it whenever it went off. It wasn't until her beeper started blowing up too that she checked them both. Both showed Emma as the contact. She answered her phone and clicked her beeper to get it to stop.

"How are you calling me and paging me?"

 _"That is_ so _not important. You need to get up here. I think Kara is about to explode."_

Oh no, Sam thought as she let her head fall back. Taking a deep breath. "On a scale of one to ten, how close to exploding?"

 _"Like if you don't get up here, I think she's going to lose her job and that crinkle will be permanently etched in her face."_

"I'll be right up. Can you try to distract her a little? Make sure she doesn't do anything stupid."

 _"She's literally arguing with Snapper and Mr. Olsen as we speak. I'm not sure what I can really do, Sam. I've had like two conversation with Kara. I doubt she'll let me pull her away."_

"Alright. I'll be there as fast as I can." Sam said as she shoved her cart tight to the wall and jogged toward the elevator.

 _"Take the stairs, Sam."_ Emma suggested, somehow reading what Sam was doing. _"It'll be faster."_

"Bye."

Sam rerouted and took the steps two at a time when she hit them. Thank god she was only a floor below. Emma looked at her with big doe eyes when Sam busted out of the stairwell, pointing to where Kara and James were having it out in the middle of CatCo's top floor. She wasn't fast enough though because James walked away and Kara tried to storm away, right into Eve.

Sam slowed as she watched Kara's expression soften from angry to surprised and apologetic, bending to help gather the paper's Eve dropped. She followed as the two women began to walk through the top floor, toward Eve's desk. Close enough to hear their conversation but not for Eve to notice her and Kara was too wrapped up in Lena to take stock in someone following her.

"Mike told me the same thing." Eve stopped in her route away from Kara to say that close to her, like she was letting Kara in on a secret. "Oh. Hi Sam. See, I know your name!"

"Eve." Sam greeted back curtly. Mostly ignoring her. Kara went from fuming to, as Eve put it, sad and disheartened, and now to confused. Sam walked up to her sister with a sad excuse for a smile.

"Let's get out of here."

"What? Sam, you have work. You can't just leave."

"I can do whatever I want." Sam mustered up a smirk for that. Trying to convince Kara that everything was fine and that she was allowed to have a moment and that Sam was allowed to be there for her during said moment.

"Okay."

Sam put her hand on the back of Kara's elbow long enough for a gentle tug then pulled back. Had Kara not been so overwhelmed with everything happening, she might have commented on it. Teased Sam for initiating contact. Something but, as it was, she was so overwhelmed she didn't even care. She followed Sam to the elevator, out of CatCo, and into Noonan's all in silence.

She sat while Sam went to the counter to place an order. After a long wait, Sam was back. Placing a hot cup and a cinnamon roll in front of Kara. Her own steaming cup in hand.

"I thought you didn't like coffee."

"I don't." Sam answered. "They're both hot chocolate. Alex said it makes you feel better. The cinnamon roll too."

"You asked Alex?" That got a proper smile out of Kara. A proper recognition. Sam rolled her eyes and shrugged, trying in vain to hide her smile.

"Pfft. I mean, yea. You looked sad and we know I'm not all that good with this shit so I called for backup. We don't have to, like, make a deal out of it."

"That's really sweet, Sam. Thank you."

"Whatever." She took a long drink of her hot chocolate, trying to hide. Obviously the wrong move as she coughed and spluttered. Kara laughed harder than she thought she was in the mood for as Sam moved a hand over her mouth. "Hot."

Kara took a sip, knowing her part of the script. Remembering this from a long time ago and a seemingly different lifetime. "I don't know. It seems a little cold to me."

It took Sam a minute but then she was giving Kara a soft and endearing smile. Remembering too. "That's because you're some kind of galactic heater who likes her food at a mild nuclear temperature."

"I'm a little surprised you remember."

Sam scoffed. "Me too. That was, what? Like nine years ago?"

Kara shrugged. It didn't matter how long ago it was. "Why'd we come to Noonan's, Sam?"

"Because I thought you might want to talk to someone who isn't a part of this mess."

"I don't even know where to start."

"You can start wherever you want. Hell. We don't even need to talk about the trial or about James. We don't have to talk at all. We both know that's how I handle things." Sam smiled.

She honestly wanted to handle it like that. She didn't want to talk about Lena or how she can't help her, as Kara Danvers or as Supergirl. She didn't want to talk about James and how annoying he's being as her boss and as Guardian. Her and Sam never really talked about anything, ever. Even back when they didn't have Alex and some kind of unspoken truce. But there was one thing…

"Did you hear what Eve said?"

Sam looked down, rolled the bottom of her mug on the table. "Uh, yea. Sorry. I wasn't trying to eavesdrop." She looked up with that, a goofy smile on her face. "I didn't mean to make that pun either."

Kara rolled her eyes at her little sister. She tried so hard to be a badass, be like _Alex_ which was funny on its own since the dorkiness that shown through no matter what is what made her exactly like Alex. She couldn't help but chuckle at Sam's pleasantly surprised face. "You don't have to be sorry. It's not like we were talking about anything important."

"Except Mon-El making Eve think you guys used to date. And then you acting like you guys used to date."

"I did _not_ act like we used to date." Kara scoffed. She did not! If anything, she acted reasonably repulsed by the idea of dating Mon-El.

"Kara. Please. The only other thing you could do to make Eve think that was to admit it. What's so wrong with liking him, anyway?"

Kara heaved a huge sigh. She tore off the outer ring of her cinnamon roll and ate that instead of answering. One thing she always appreciated about Sam was her lack of desire to push for things. Even now, with that question, she didn't really pursue an answer.

Sam hated to talk things out, hated having emotions and having them exposed because of that, she never made Kara talk. When they were younger and Kara was first experiencing things without Alex's supporting presence, Sam stepped into that role but made it her own. They spent hours just sitting in silence because Sam refused to talk Kara through things. In the beginning, if Kara tried, Sam would get up and walk away, uncomfortable with Kara's need to express. They both got used to each other, met in the middle. It was a different comforting than Alex but Kara found comfort all the same.

Finally, with cinnamon roll half gone, Kara answered. "There's nothing wrong with liking him." She paused, trying to find how to put what she was feeling into words. "It's just…I don't know. I guess, I feel like I _have_ to like him back. Like, that's how it's supposed to be."

"That's…well, um." Sam stopped with a short hum. "That's kind of weird, Kara. You don't have to like anyone if you don't want. You literally don't have to do anything that you don't want to. That's how free will works."

"I know that! I do. But, that's how it feels. Like I'm being pushed toward him and it isn't a smooth pull like they always talk about in movies and books and stuff. This feels bumpy and, I don't know, a little forced because we are _so_ different and sometimes, yea, he's totally great but most of the time he's everything I'm not.

"And I don't mean in a good way like he completes me or whatever. We're too different."

"But if there's a part of you that's pulled or pushed toward him than maybe don't be so hard on yourself, don't fight it so hard. It isn't like you get to choose who you have feelings for. Just chill. I mean, this is the last thing you need to be worrying about. It'll all end up alright." Sam shrugged.

And she was right. Kara knew she was. Everything would turn out alright, for better or for worse. They'd all be okay no matter what. So, she dropped her confusion over Mon-El and enjoyed a quiet break with her sister. The weight of the world would be there in a few minutes, no worse for wear from being set down.


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N: This weekend did not go to plan...I was honestly pleasantly surprised when I checked and saw I still had one more chapter pre-written. I'll try to get some chapters done today so that you have some posts to look forward to this week but it will not be every other day. Please be patient with me! Some shit goes down so at least we have some excitement to look forward to :) As always, thanks for reading. Enjoy.**

Sam made it two steps into Alex's apartment before a phone was being thrust at her. Alex looking impatient and shaking it when she didn't take it right away, the screen kept pointed away.

"Who is it?"

"Take it before she hangs up." Alex pushed the phone toward Sam's ear.

"Hello?" Sam answered, taking the phone from Alex to hold it to her ear herself. She moved to put her things away but froze at the voice on the other side.

 _"Samantha?"_ Sam glared _hard_ at Alex. She was half tempted to just hang up but then her mom was rambling on like she knew Sam was debating it. _"Sam, is that you? Hi Sweetie. I'm so happy to hear your voice. I've been hoping to talk to you. How are you?"_

"Yea, Mom. It's me. I'm alright."

 _"Alex told me about everything that happened."_

"I know. I asked her to."

 _"Are you okay?"_

"I'm okay."

 _"And she told me you know about your father? How are you feeling?"_

"Yea. I'm okay, Mom."

 _"You're sure?"_

"Yea."

 _"Okay."_ Her mom took a breath, Sam could hear it over the phone. She wanted to give her mom more. More information, better answers. More effort. But, it was like she couldn't. It didn't matter that she wanted to. She couldn't. _"What are you up to then?"_

"Just staying at Alex's until I get my shit together a little more."

 _"That's good, Sweetie. A good plan. She said you're working at CatCo?"_ It made Sam want to cry how cautious and gentle her mom's voice was. Like she didn't want to scare Sam away, like their conversation was walking on a tightrope and any little variance would send it crashing. But she didn't cry. She forced herself to keep talking like it was nothing.

"For now. I, uh, I might have another job lined up." Sam made eye contact with Alex, silently asking if she was allowed to tell. Alex nodded with an encouraging smile. "At the DEO actually, with Alex. Kind of. I wouldn't be as high up as her because, ya know, I'm just starting but I'd get to work with her."

 _"Wow, Sweetie. That's great! Congratulations! I'm so happy to hear that."_ There was another short pause. It shifted the conversation. No longer just about catching up _._ It made Sam squirm. _"Samantha, Sweetie, can I tell you something?"_

"Yea."

 _"I'm sorry that you felt like you couldn't tell me about your discharge."_

"No, Mom. That's not–"

 _"Let me finish."_ She fell silent. Already feeling guilty about her mom thinking that she didn't want to tell her. Which Sam didn't but not because of her mom. It had been because of Sam and her fear, not wanting to mess up anymore. Hating that she can't seem to stop messing up.

 _"I'm sorry that I ever made you feel like a disappointment. We may have had a bumpy road but I've never thought that, Samantha. I may have been disappointed from time to time but never have I thought_ you _were a disappointment._

 _"I love you and I'm happy you're my daughter and I'm proud of you for everything with the DEO and that you and your sisters are trying to patch things up. That makes me so very happy, Sweetie."_

There was a pause over the line. Sam didn't break it. Unsure how to even if she wanted to.

 _"Samantha, I'd like to come see you if that's alright? Just for a day or two. I miss you."_

The first time Sam tried to answer, the first syllable didn't even make it. Only an unintelligible crack. She cleared her voice then tried again. "Okay."

 _"Okay? Really? I can be there tomorrow. Or is that too soon?"_

"No. Tomorrow should be okay. It's Sunday so I'm off."

 _"Tomorrow then."_ She could hear how happy her mom was. It brought a smile out of Sam, a small one. The edges of it a little sad.

"Tomorrow." Sam agreed. "But, uh…I'm gonna go, Mom."

 _"Okay, Sweetie. I love you."_

"You too."

 _"See you tomorrow."_

Sam hung up. She didn't look at Alex, didn't hand her the phone back. Just stood there and got her bearings on how she felt. Stared at her hands to give her eyes something to do.

Sam should be mad. She should be _livid_ that Alex would do something like that. But she wasn't. More than anything, Sam was sad and felt an overwhelming longing for her mom. Which only made her feel a little embarrassed because she shouldn't miss her mommy that much. She's a grown woman. That circled back around to her wanting to be mad. There was too much for her to shift through.

"Are you mad?" Alex asked her, carefully.

Sam finally looked up from her hands, extending Alex's phone back to her. "I should be."

Alex nodded. "You should be. I completely understand that but you needed to talk to her, Sam. Every time I have since I told her you were back, she asks about you. She really misses you."

"I know and that's why I'm not that mad. I didn't realize how much I miss her. But seriously, Alex, don't pull anything like that again. I can guarantee it won't be this smooth of a reaction next time."

"I won't, I promise." Alex held both hands up, palms to Sam. "Desperate times called for desperate measures. What'd she say about tomorrow?"

"She asked if she could come see me and I said yea."

"Looks like I have some cleaning to do then."


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N: I know that in the timeline of 'Luthors' this should be the day that they are at the DEO with Alex patching James up from getting his ass kicked by Matello and the big fight about Lena and James is all jealous that Kara has so much faith in her BUT for my story, we're putting an extra day in between. It's all about the buildup anyways. Shit goes down with the Danvers girls post Jealous James. Be patient and it should be worth it! Also. This chapter was hard for me, sorry if it doesn't live up. Also. Sorry for such a long period without posting. I finished this this morning and plan to write most of today. Hopefully I get a good number of chapters done. Thanks for reading and all the love you guys have been showing the story!**

It was one afternoon, Sam told herself. One afternoon and then her mom would leave and it was going to go fine. Things would be fine. Her mom loved her, even said she was proud of her. Everything would be fine.

Sam didn't feel like everything was going to be fine. The only scenario that played in her head was her mother walking in, seeing her compared to her sisters, and walking out. Or refusing to talk to her. Or yelling at her. There was also the possibility that she preferred Kara over her. That's why they had so easily taken her in. So many feelings and thoughts that Sam didn't want came to the surface. She wished that the only scenario she could think of really was her mom walking out. All the other ones mixed together and sloshed in her stomach, making her feel sick. Why did she agree?

This called for alcohol. Easily played off since they were having brunch. Mimosas. Easy. Sam had excused herself while Maggie cooked and Alex incessantly tidied, even though all three sisters had spent the night cleaning Alex's apartment. Sam needed the alcohol and she needed the space to be alone. Alex and Maggie were so consumed in their tasks that they barely acknowledged her leaving.

Outside Alex's apartment was a small relief. Outside the apartment building was like taking a breath of air after being under water. Each step away from the apartment shook off more and more anxiety. She stopped at the liquor store and bought a much too big bottle of champagne for the bottle of orange juice she got.

The cashier made a joke that Sam gave a polite smile at. She wasn't in the mood for light jokes about her drinking. She just wanted to drink so the dragons in her gut would devolve into butterflies.

Kara was there when Sam got back. She grunted a greeting but otherwise ignored her. That break, the getting away and outside, it seemed to be backfiring now. Sam felt more enclosed than she had before she left, her stomach was swirling, and her muscles were tight. Sweaty palms were never a good sign and Sam absolutely hated the way they felt.

Why was she so damn nervous to see her _mother_? Oh yea. Because she is the biggest fuck up to ever have the name Danvers, or Sam, and she hasn't seen her mom in months, since before she lost the only semi good thing going for her. All conversation in the room stopped as Sam placed the champagne bottle a little too sharply on the counter.

Maggie met Alex's eyes over Sam's shoulder. Both sisters made to move but Maggie shook her head subtly and Alex caught Kara's arm, moving them closer to her room and away from the kitchen. Just a touch more privacy. As much as they were going to get at least.

"Hey." She said to get Sam's attention. Gentle and quiet. She stepped up to the island, across from her. "You alright, Baby Danvers?"

"Yea. Yea, yea. I'm good." But Maggie could see she wasn't. When Sam met her eyes, briefly before skittering away, fear and panic were clear and all encompassing. "What's brunch without some booze, ya know?"

"Very true." Maggie smiled, hoping it came off as disarming. "I think you're forgetting that it's the champagne mixed with orange juice, not the other way around. Like them strong?"

Sam shrugged, gave a nervous laugh. "Yea, I guess. I, uh, didn't really think about it at the store."

"I think you did, Sam and I'm gonna ask again. Are you okay? I know it's been a while since you've seen your mom so this has gotta be a little stressful and it's totally fine if that's the case."

"I…" Sam paused. She studied the label of the champagne as she picked at it, the Danvers Crinkle creased deep between her eyebrows. "I'm nervous."

"Why?" Maggie asked, gentle again. Sam's eyes flicked up and met Maggie's for a brief second before falling away.

"A lot of reason."

"Can you give me one?"

"If you stop talking to me like I'm five." Sam snapped. Her eyes came back up and didn't leave, defiant and fishing for some kind of confrontation.

"Just trying to keep you talking, Baby Danvers. My bad."

Sam sighed, rubbing at her face. "No. It's me. I'm sorry. It's just…She said she wasn't mad and that she wants to see me but I don't think she does. Like, like it feels like she'll get here and remember what I'm like and that…" Sam trailed off and Maggie's heart broke.

She remembers that feeling, that fear. The idea that once people get to know what you're really like than they won't want anything to do with you. The urge to hide and deflect, cover up to keep people around or keep yourself protected. More than anything, she remembers what it was like to lash out because there was nothing she could do to stop feeling like that.

"That she won't want you around? I promise that won't happen. Hey," Maggie reached out to get Sam's attention back but stopped before her hand made contact, remembering that she liked her space. Her words were enough though as Sam's eyes came back to hers. "Seriously. I promise that Eliza won't do that to you. I know shitty parents, Sam. Remember what I told you at the bar? Trust me when I tell you that your mother is not going to leave you. She loves you."

Sam didn't respond to Maggie's words. She looked hard at her, weighed what she said then decided that she's had alcohol in the apartment for entirely too long to still be without a drink. She walked around the kitchen, pulled down a glass, then three more. Might as well be polite.

Her drink was as strong as Maggie joked it would be. Champagne with a splash of orange juice. A light, murky orange. Sam drained half the glass before topping it off and filling the others. She slid Maggie's toward her. She now had her back to Sam and cooking. The other two she put on the dining room table for Alex and Kara.

Three drinks later and Sam was watching Alex pull the door open. Their mom came in, making eye contact with Sam but still treating her like a scared animal. Not coming over too quick. She hugged Alex and greeted Maggie, suffered through a massive hug from Kara. Sam stood and watched it all from her spot at the counter, hand tightening on the stem of her glass.

"It smells amazing in here! Maggie," Eliza turned to her, "I have to guess that's because of you. Neither Alex nor Kara can actually cook."

"Hey!" They both shouted out. Then Kara continued, "I can cook a little. More than Alex at least."

"Zapping leftovers with your heat vision does not count."

"I never said it does!" Kara argued back, making Maggie chuckle. As far as she knew, none of the Danvers girls could cook. She'd bet that Sam was the closest to claim that skill but Maggie still had only seen her eat take out or premade package dinners.

Eliza cut them off. "Girls, we all know that you can't. There's no shame in it. You're plenty good at other things."

Maggie moved toward Sam, bringing her into the conversation. Not letting her melt into the background of the room like she was deceptively good at doing. It was enough to shift the focus and guide Eliza over to her.

"Samantha. Hi dear." Eliza greeted cautiously. A small, timid smile on her face. She didn't reach out for Sam like she did with Alex and Kara. A smart move, Maggie thought, but it was still sad to see between mother and daughter.

"Hey Mom."

Then silence. Eliza not knowing where to go and Sam not giving her any directions. Maggie swooped in and Sam was grateful. Her social skills may have been improving at CatCo but standing there in front of her mother, they disappeared. She felt inadequate and small. A kid again.

Most of the day was dominated by Alex, Kara, and their mom. That's how much social interaction went when all three girls were involved. Kara taking over, Alex participating, and Sam in the background. More and more it was changing. Kara still took over and Alex took a backseat but Sam was more involved. Not that afternoon and more than ever it rubbed Sam the wrong way.

The alcohol wasn't helping either. With each drink, she got more and more bitter. Her sisters and their mom had such an easy relationship. Even Alex who had always struggled with her seemed to be feeling at home.

The only tension came from Sam. They treaded around her carefully. But the smiles and the laughing and their easy manner together, without her. It was a hard pill to swallow and Sam was done and it manifested in the only outlet she had. Short and snarky remarks, words that would slice deceptively deep. All with the tone of indifference she had perfected in middle school. Then it got worse.

"Oh my god!" Kara laughed. "I totally remember that! Wasn't that right about the time…" She trailed off, giving a worried look to Sam.

"No. Go ahead, Kara. Right about when?" Sam's tone was dangerous and it flipped the room's atmosphere. No longer was it only Sam's corner that was tense. Nor were her words easily brushed over in conversation like her other remarks had been. She finished off what was left in her glass as she waited for her sister's answer.

"Sam." Alex warned.

"Alex." She snapped back.

"Why don't we just take a step back here. There's really no reason for us to get worked up."

"No _Mom_. I wanna know what Kara was going to say. Right about when, Kara?"

"Right about the time you left." She answered softly. Sam nodded. Her anger and insecurities tightening into a ball at the pit of her stomach.

Seeing them all so close, like a family, a real family who didn't lose everything, hurt. Because Sam didn't have that. It was Alex and Kara and Mom. Then Sam. On her own, off to the side. It didn't matter that it was partly her doing. She steadfastly ignored that part. The alcohol made it easy.

"Finally! Something I actually remember and was a part of. How about we reminisce about that? Good times, right?"

"Sam, don't. Come on." Alex tried again but Sam kept her eyes burning into Kara. All that she had pushed down, in order to forget, the past couple weeks was coming back up. When their mom spoke up, she ripped her eyes away.

"This is not the time or place, Samantha. Just let it go." Even Alex looked at her incredulously. Sam scoffed loudly and reverted back into old habits, getting up and slamming the door behind her. "What?" Eliza asked when Kara and Alex looked back at her.

"Mom." Alex started but didn't know where to go. How could she have thought that was the right route to take with Sam? Alex was pissed that Sam tried to pick a fight with Kara, she was upset that it was a result of her trying to drink her way through the afternoon, and now she was shocked their mother would do something so stupid.

"What?"

Maggie spoke up then, giving Alex more time to put something together. A way to convey exactly what. "I'm gonna go after her. She's not in the greatest shape."

"I'll go with you." Kara started to stand but Maggie stopped her.

"I don't think so, Little Danvers."

"Yea, Kara. You should stay here. It'd just set her off more." It broke Alex's heart to see Kara melt back into her seat, The Crinkle in place and a colossal pout on her face. Her blue eyes watery and guilty even though she didn't do anything.

It was all misplaced anger. Sam was mad at Eliza for whatever reason so she took it out on Kara. As always. It boiled Alex's blood but she did her best to cool off. Blind protection of Kara was what got the sisters into the mess they were in now.

Maggie gave Alex's shoulder a squeeze as she walked by to leave. She hoped this didn't end up derailing the progress Sam had been making. The sisters had been doing incredible. Maggie loved being around all three of them, together, more and more. She hated to admit it but she was wrong. Eliza coming into town had not been a good idea and she shouldn't have told Sam not to worry.

Sam hadn't gotten too far. Maggie spotted her, as she stepped onto the sidewalk in front of Alex's building, down the street and walking fast. She jogged to catch up. "Sam!"

There was no response but Maggie was sure it wasn't because Sam didn't hear her. She was ignoring her. Maggie sped up, tired again. "Sam, hey! Wait up!"

When she caught up, Sam didn't even look at her. "Go away, Maggie."

"I'm just here so you don't have to be alone, Baby–"

"No." Sam pivoted into Maggie's path, stopping them both. Nose to nose. Maggie tensed and hated herself for it but she knew Sam's track record. The smell of orange juice and champagne coming off her wasn't helping either. "You're here because Alex sent you. She wants to make sure I don't get in trouble. Well guess what, I don't care what Alex wants. She can go to hell and so can Kara and so can my mom. You can all just leave me alone."

"Sam. Alex didn't send me. I came after you because _I_ wanted to make sure you were okay."

"No, you didn't." Sam shook her head. Her face contorting as her emotions built enough that she couldn't contain them. Her voice rose with them. "You're with Alex. You don't do anything because you care about me. It's all about Alex so go back and check on Alex, make sure she's okay. Talk to her. Not me. Fucking leave me alone. I'm fine and I don't need you babysitting me every two seconds."

Maggie brows twitched. A wince she couldn't hide fast enough from Sam's words. They hit like a dagger in the gut with each syllable. And all without her trying to, Maggie's walls came up. Her protection slammed into place with her own forced indifference and anger. She wasn't babysitting Sam. She thought they were friends. And this wasn't about Alex.

She didn't say anything as she turned away. There wasn't even a look back to see if Sam was watching her. At that moment, Maggie could care less what happened to Sam. If she wanted to be alone then fine, she'd be alone. To hell with her and her fucked up emotions that she wanted to take out on everyone. Maggie had her own emotionally stunted issues to deal with.

Except she did care and the guilt of letting the ball drop, even for a short while, hit Maggie as she walked into her apartment. She hadn't bothered going back to Alex's. It was petty but she hadn't wanted to do what Sam said she would. Maggie's head fell back as she let out a long sigh.

Sam, alone and pissed, in National City wasn't good. Alex, alone and at home with her worried sister and over-critical mother, wasn't good. Maggie was only one person though. She needed backup. Her options were limited and she really hoped that tonight was a quiet night for the Guardian.

 _"Hey Maggie. What's up?"_

"Hey James. Uh, nothing really. How're things out there tonight?"

 _"Quiet actually. It's a little weird. There was a robbery at a gas station earlier but other than that Winn and I are just patrolling in the truck. Winn says hi, by the way."_

Oh thank god, Maggie thought. "That's great. I mean, sorry you're having a boring night but I need a favor."

 _"Name it."_

"So you know about the Danvers reunion today, right?"

 _"Winn mentioned it."_

"Right, well. It didn't go well. Sam stormed off and when I tried to go after her, we…she…that didn't go well either but I'm worried about her. Do you think you can go check on her?"

 _"I didn't realize we were on Sam-watch."_ James chuckled but the suggestion that they should leave her alone was clear in his voice.

"She's pissed and drunk, James. I'm not asking you to do this on just any old night. I'm worried about her. She doesn't always make the best decisions when she's like this and I mean, she's pissed and hurt and _looking_ for trouble." She left out how she was pissed and hurt too. Maggie wouldn't admit that. Not to James and really, she was trying not to admit it to herself.

The line was quiet for a second. _"We'll go find her."_

"Don't take Winn in with you. No offense but she isn't really a fan."

 _"No, she's not. We'll wrap up for the night and I'll go on my own."_

"Let me or Alex know she's okay. I'm headed back over there."

 _"Will do."_

James hung up the phone and sighed. Even when he wasn't on speaking terms with one of them, he seemed to always get pulled into the Danvers drama.

"Let's turn in for the night."

"What?" Winn spun in his chair to face him. A look of pure disbelief on his face. Obviously, he had stopped paying attention after his request to say hi to Maggie for him. He was like a kid sometimes. " _You_ , Mr. Just-One-More-Bad-Guy, wants to go home early? What'd I miss?"

"Danvers family drama, I guess." Winn gave a fain 'ah' as he started powering down his computers. "Sam stormed off and then her and Maggie got in a fight, Maggie is worried so now I gotta go make sure Sam's okay."

"Her and Maggie got into it?" Winn asked, still focusing on his equipment. "Now, that's surprising. I thought they were like besties."

"I guess the day with mom went worse than Alex was worrying to you about."

"Looks like." Winn hit one last key with more flourish than necessary and turned back to James. "All done! Let's get outta here so you can go play mediator and I can go see my girlfriend! Which, seriously, I know I gave you a hard time and I really do love being part of Team Guardian but I am so damn happy to be going home. Lyra will _not_ stop complaining about my work hours."

James chuckled. "Just drive us home. And! Keep it steady. It's hard enough getting this suit off without your insane driving making it worse."

"I am so not that bad."

"My last black eye was from falling over in here, not some bad guy. Winn, man, you _are_ that bad. I don't even know why I let you drive us."

"Yea, yea. Whatever." Winn waved off as he shut the partition door.

The ride was much smoother but James still had a few stumbles. Beggars can't be choosers though so he praised his best friend for the more conservative driving before he said good night. After a quick shower and a change, James checked his phone for any clues to where to find Sam. He didn't bother texting her. She wouldn't respond. Maggie left him a starting point.

 **-She likes this one bar on Goldfield. At least that's where we found her last time. Check there first. I called Mon-El and she isn't at our usual place**

Luckily, it seemed like Sam was a creature of habit. James walked into a fine establishment named The Red Boot Pub. It smelled like stale beer and leather, peanut shells crunched under his shoes and the stares he got had James second guessing if he was allowed in. But, after a moment of sizing him up, the patrons went back to their drinks.

"What can I get ya?" The bartender asked loudly.

"I'm just here for her," James pointed toward Sam. "Thanks though."

"Good. Get her quick. I've been doing this a long time and I know trouble when I see it and that girl, she's definitely trouble tonight. Already has a few of these fellas muttering and shooting her glares."

"Right. Thanks." James said awkwardly, not sure what else to respond with. That was alarming information, to say the least. He walked down to Sam but didn't sit. He wanted to get out of there as quick as the bartender wanted them out. Something about their situation and that bar had him on edge. Maybe it was his new role as the Guardian but James could feel the trouble too.

"Hey Sam."

"They send you too?"

James shrugged. "You've got people worried about you."

Sam scoffed. "They're only worried they'll have to bail me out again."

Her words were running into each other and, now that he was closer, James could see how heavily Sam was leaning on the bar. Like it was the only thing holding her up.

"Let's get you home, okay? We've both got work in the morning."

Surprisingly, Sam didn't fight him on it. She jerkily pulled her wallet out, tossed a few bills on the bar top that had James wondering how many drinks Sam was able to toss back between Maggie calling him and his arrival, and then she tried to leave. Her steps ran together just like her words had, causing James to lunge out and steady her. Sam scoffed at herself and pushed James away. He let her but stayed close. Just in case.

It wasn't until he got her into his car that Sam spoke again. "Don't take me to Alex's. I don't want to see any of them."

James nodded, even though Sam didn't even have her eyes open but he had no intention of listening to her. He pulled his phone out and shot a text to Maggie, letting her know they were on their way over and that Sam didn't want to see any of them.


	35. Chapter 35

The yelling coming from Alex's apartment could be heard from the other side of the door. James would have loved to give the family time to sort out their problems but he had about 160 pounds of dead weight slung over his shoulder. They'd have to sort it out in privacy some other time. He kicked at the door and waited for it to open.

"Not the best timing." Maggie greeted before taking it all in: Sam dead to the world over his shoulder. " _Really_ not the best time for this."

"You can't waltz in and out of our lives with your expectations!" He heard Alex yell. He craned his neck around Maggie to try and see in. "You don't get to set standards for the way Sam lives her life or for me helping her!"

"Sounds bad."

"I guess all hell broke loose after Sam left. They've been like this since I got back."

"Well, excuse me Alexandra for wanting the best for my children." Eliza shot back. Defensive and angry. James sighed and shook his head as Kara tried to butt in. "We've been babying Sam for years, not correcting this behavior. It's obvious we need to do something!"

"Guys. Alex, Eliza, please. Let's not do this right now. We don't even know where Sam is. We should probably go find her."

"No, Kara." Alex replied. "We're going to do this right now. God, Mom! We were doing so well then you come here today after telling Sam how much you missed her and loved her and wanted to see her but you all but ignored her! And I let you!"

"I did not –"

"Do _not_ even try to deny it."

"Um, Alex. Babe?" Maggie calmly and awkwardly tried to get her girlfriend's attention. They now had bigger fish to fry than a little mother-daughter drama. "James found Sam."

Maggie stepped back and pulled the door with her, revealing James and Sam. Kara gasped and rushed over to take the load off him. She handled Sam like she weighed nothing.

Alex followed her, completely ignoring Eliza who stood motionless, watching her daughters. A shocked look on her face. Alex looked back and shook her head. "Maybe you should go, Mom."

"Maybe I should." She said quietly, watching as Kara carried Sam to the couch and set her down. Gentle as if Sam was precious cargo. Maggie was sure Kara really thought that. "I'll call you in the morning." Eliza swallowed hard, gave them one last lingering look and left.

Maggie turned back to James, lingering in the doorway. His expression was equal parts worried over Sam and unsure if he was welcome around Kara. Or maybe he was unsure if he wanted to be around Kara. She couldn't tell and didn't care to at the moment. Bigger fish to fry.

"Thanks, James. I owe you one."

"Nah." He waved her offer away. "Sam's my friend too. I'm happy I could help."

"How bad was she?"

"Honestly? Not bad. Well, she was plastered but she didn't fight me on leaving. Her only request was that I not bring her back here. I wasn't sure where else to go though. And, she needs her sisters, right? They need to work through this."

"She's not going to be happy." Maggie turned, standing next to James now as they watched Alex and Kara fuss over Sam. Take her shoes off, throw a blanket over her. Worry over her.

"With any of us."

"World War four then."

"What?" James looked at her.

Maggie shook her head. "Nothing, just something Alex said before. Listen, it's getting late and I won't keep you any longer. They've got it from here. Thanks again."

"Sure. Let me know if you guys need anything else and tell Sam not to worry about coming in tomorrow. I'll take care of it with her supervisor."

Then James was gone and Alex was trying to convince a teary-eyed Kara to go home and get some sleep. That took the better part of a half hour. Kara rambling that it was all her fault, Sam hates her, she's the reason Eliza is so hard on all of them. When Kara started stuttering and sobbing through the scenario of never being adopted by the Danvers, Alex cut her off with a firm lecture on never saying something like that. Maggie took that as her cue to commandeer Kara's phone and text Lena Luthor to come pick her up. Kara needed a strings-free friend to get her through the implosion of their happy family reunion. Alex spent the time waiting for Lena with her arms around Kara who had one tight around Alex's waist and the other clutching Sam's wrist.

After Lena escorted a still whimpering Kara out with thank you's thrown behind her for calling, Alex's shoulders slumped and her eyes slipped shut. Maggie didn't move to comfort her. Sometimes Alex needed space and it was always hard to tell when that was. She'd come when she was ready. Maggie always thought it was better safe than sorry when it came to Alex. That had blown up in her face in the past but she'd rather not push Alex.

They moved to the table where Alex and Maggie sat across from each other. Alex with a mug of decaf tea. Maggie, who was itching for a shot or at least a beer but the drunk Danvers on the couch was keeping her from going down that road, with nothing.

"When does she start those psych tests?" Maggie asked. They both had Sam in mind but neither wanted to start what they wanted to say. Not with her a few feet away. Maggie was convinced she wasn't coherent though. So, she started with something safe. Something good.

"I don't know." Alex sighed. "J'onn told her that we'd need her in on her next day off but I'm not sure if Sam has even requested one. It's only been a few days, I guess. She just seemed so excited and I thought she would've been all over this but she's barely talked about it."

"This is Sam, Al; your little sister who almost never talks about herself or her emotions. Give her some time and I'm sure she'll let you know." Maggie didn't mention that her next day off was tomorrow, according to James. She knew it would only make Alex more upset. There was no way Sam would be in any condition to do anything in the morning.

"I guess."

Maggie hesitated. She had a darker Sam related topic to bring up. Her current passed out condition the main evidence for her argument. It didn't feel like the right time though. Not that Maggie knew when a right time would be and in her experience, there never was for this kind of stuff. It was always a rip the band-aid off deal.

"Did you notice anything about Sam today?" She tried, treading carefully. If Alex didn't think Sam drank a little too heavily for a family brunch then Maggie would let sleeping dogs lie.

"Other than the fact that she drank half that bottle by herself?" Alex answered, sinking forward until her fingers reached the hairline on her neck, face toward the tabletop. "You were right."

"I didn't wanna be."

"But are we _really_ sure?" Alex asked, turning with head still in hands to look at Maggie. "I can't bring this up to her unless we are and maybe she was just nervous about Mom being here."

"Babe, you know it's not that. Remember last Thanksgiving, when you told your mom you're DEO? I had to come pick you up because you drank a lot that night too but nowhere _close_ to what Sam drank today. Her nerves didn't match her intake."

"So, we talk to her." Alex decided, sitting up straight and nodding once. An order given that would be followed. It put Maggie on edge. Alex didn't need to be Agent Danvers going into that conversation. With their history, it wasn't going to go well no matter what but the presence of Agent Danvers would send it catapulting into oblivion.

"But, gently right? This isn't an interrogation you're going into, Babe."

"Right. Gentle and loving." Alex met her eyes. Soft in the way that always caught Maggie off guard. "I'll talk to Kara and we'll try to do it tomorrow after work. Here. We'll have dinner and just bring it up casually so she doesn't feel cornered. That's a solid plan, right?"

"I think it's the best one you've got."

"Do you want to be here?"

"No. I think Sam's going to need somewhere to go after that. Which, after tonight I doubt she'll come to me but I'll make sure she has the option." Maggie sighed. That hurt from earlier creeping back in now that she didn't have something to act on, tasks to be done.

"Don't take it personally, Mags." Alex reached across the table to squeeze her arm resting on the table. Alex didn't continue until Maggie looked back up at her, a small smile waiting for her. "That's what Sam does when she's…feeling, I guess. She doesn't let people in and attacks them when they try. I'm sorry she said all that to you but I promise you, she didn't mean it."

"Talk about role reversal, huh?" Maggie joked. Her heart wasn't in it though. It sounded as sad as she felt.

"What do you mean?"

Alex's thumb started moving back and forth. Maggie focused on the way it felt before answering, taking in the comfort of the simple movement. "Usually it's me comforting you about your sister."

She shrugged. "This was bound to happen. Sam is like a minefield. You can tread as carefully as you want but eventually, something blows up in your face. Even if you think it's perfectly safe."

"Okay. You _really_ need some new analogies, Babe." Alex just shrugged one shoulder with a smile. Maggie laughed at her before looking back at Sam. "I feel like we shouldn't be here when she wakes up. She told me to leave her alone and told James that she didn't want to come back to your place. Go to mine tonight?"

"Yea." Alex's answer was small and quiet. Maggie moved quickly to get them up and out of the apartment, telling Alex to pack up in an attempt to distract her.

They were at Maggie's, in bed soon after. Alex finally needing her instead of space. They were wrapped up together with Alex's forehead against Maggie's jaw and her breath against Maggie's neck. Soft and comforting.

"What are we going to do when she storms out? Because she's going to and it's going to be bad." Alex asked in the stillness of the dark bedroom.

"You'll go after her and be there for your little sister. Even if she doesn't want you to be, you won't let her face this alone. That's not how you're wired, Alex Danvers. Hell, none of us will let her face this alone. We'll be there for her."

Except they couldn't be. When Alex got back to her apartment the next morning, Sam and all of her things were gone. No toothbrush in the bathroom, no duffle under the window. Nothing. She was gone and it hit Alex hard enough that she had to sit down, staring dumbly around her apartment.


	36. Chapter 36

Calls to Kara, James, and Maggie all resulted in nothing. No one had seen Sam and it was causing Alex to panic. She couldn't even look at the situation as Agent Danvers in order to be calm and logical. Her little sister was gone and Alex didn't know what to do.

This wasn't the first time Sam had left. Not even the first time Sam had disappeared after an argument. But, this was the first time that they had been doing well before she disappeared. It hurt more. Alex's worry was more saturated and harder to brush away. She couldn't just tell herself that Sam would show back up.

When her caller ID lit up with her mother's contact, Alex ignored it. Her anger intensifying. She was the last person Alex wanted to talk to. It was her fault. Had she handled Sam more gently, known that Sam saying those things were a sign that she was uncomfortable, then all of this could have been avoided. If Alex had done either of those things. If Alex had made their mom act more like _their_ mom and not just Alex's and Kara's.

The guilt was eating at the dread in her stomach and Alex didn't like the feeling. The emptiness was not an upgrade. She couldn't even eat when Maggie showed up with lunch.

"She'll show back up." Alex blurted out in the middle of their conversation. She hadn't really been listening to what Maggie was saying. She couldn't focus on anything except that Sam was gone. It was like an obsession. "She always comes back and this time is no different."

"Alex." Maggie said softly, pity clear in her voice. Alex didn't like it.

"No, she will. She has to because if she doesn't, I don't really know what I'm gonna do. I mean, I just got her back, Maggie. She can't just disappear now."

"We have to give her the space she clearly wants, Al. That's all we can do right now. Okay? It's gonna be okay."

"I feel so damn guilty."

"Don't. You didn't do anything."

" _Exactly!_ I should've…I don't know. I should have made Mom interact with Sam more or not let Kara dominate the whole day like she always does."

"Alex, babe, that's not your job. You can't make people do things or act differently. Maybe your mom shouldn't have come at all but you didn't do anything wrong while she was here."

"I thought it'd be good for them."

"I did too but, Al, I'm not trying to be a dick, but your mom kind of sucks."

"I thought you liked her?"

"So did I, until I saw how she all but ignored Sam because she was uncomfortable being around her own daughter. I didn't expect that out of her and ya know, I feel a little guilty too. I told Sam it would all be fine and your mom wasn't a shit parent. I was wrong. Your mom is wonderful when things are going the way she wants but if not, like with Sam, she's selfish and hyper-critical."

"I know." Alex sighed. Maggie was right. That's how her mom had always been though. She was used to it now, didn't bat an eye at it. It was why Alex hadn't stepped in yesterday. Things felt normal. Not that that was a good thing, as Maggie just pointed out.

Her mother being that way was the reason Alex had a need to be perfect, Sam had a habitual self-destructor, and Kara pushed through with a smile and good intentions. They all coped with it in different ways. Kara having the easiest time and least detrimental outcome since she had been new and broken when she came into the Danvers family. Alex had resented it at first, a long time ago, but now she was grateful. At least one of them came out of it all a little less messed up.

Maggie pulled her out of her familial assessment, "Have you talked to your mom?"

"No, and I don't plan on it."

"Don't alienate her. That's your mom and family is hard to get back once you do that. You guys just need to work through this; even if it's hard."

"Speaking from experience?" Maggie gave a small shrug and checked her watch. Deflecting again. Alex knew she would. Maggie didn't really talk much about herself outside of her job or her time in National City.

"Just trust me." She answered as she started to stand, leaning to kiss Alex before she was fully upright. "I gotta get back to work."

Talking to Maggie helped Alex walk away from the edge of losing her composure. She was able to get at least a little work done the rest of the day. Winn and her working double time on that video of Lena. They weren't getting anywhere but thankfully Matello and Lillian had been laying low. They were giving the NCPD fits trying to locate them though. It was like they disappeared off the face of the earth. Alex had a bad feeling about it.

Kara had a bad feeling about Lena being in jail. Which meant she was just a touch too aggressive in everything she did. Alex felt for her sister but there was only so much they could do.

She braced herself for another rant as Kara came charging toward her. She both tensed and calmed at what Kara said. "James talked to Sam."

"What? When?" Alex grabbed Kara by the elbow and pulled her away from the center of the computer bay.

"I don't know. We aren't really talking but he did tell me that he's heard from her and she said she's fine. That's all he knows."

"She's okay then."

"I guess…" Kara slumped. "I just want her to come back! It was so nice having her around again."

"We'll get her, don't worry. We just, we just need to give her some space." Alex echoed Maggie. Not sure what else would be comforting. "Let's focus on this Matello mess and then work on getting Sam back. One thing at a time, okay?"

Kara nodded, looking less than convinced.

"Why don't you go visit Lena? I'm sure she would love to see a friendly face."

"Yea. I'm sure too since Maggie wrongly arrested her and now she has to stay in that horrible place, surrounded by horrible people." Wrong move, Alex thought.

"Kara, please. Don't start this again. Maggie was only doing her job. That video seems legit." Alex held a hand up, moving it to cover Kara's mouth when she didn't stop at the gesture. "We _will_ keep looking but so far, we aren't finding anything. It's solid and Maggie _had_ to act on it. You know she wouldn't do something like this to Lena unless she had to. Just please. Let up on Maggie or at least stop putting me in the middle of it."

Kara glared at her until Alex took her hand away. She bit out a hard 'fine' before walking away. It was exhausting. Alex was exhausted. Her mom in town, Sam, Kara being mad at Maggie, trying to help Lena. But there was too much to do for her to go home and rest.

She walked back to the bay and sat down, scanning the screen for any indication of change in the video. The multiple programs scanning it over and over. Still nothing. Alex pushed a breath out from her nose and got up. To the lab then. There were other ways to help. Kryptonite residue from Matello to analyze and reports to finish.

She took a left before she reached her lab. More important than any of that, there was a training room she could be utilizing. Things to hit and muscles to push. The oasis of a blank mind to chase after for at least a short while. Exhausted she may be but Alex needed a distraction. A physical one.


	37. Chapter 37

**A/N: I really hate how many of these author notes I put! Can't seem to help it though...anyways, I didn't post all week b/c I had a really good idea to expand the fighting and make it last longer. Give the story more depth. Unfortunately, I didn't have time to write that idea until today. It's short but pretty good I think. I also wanted to draw out the cliffhanger! As an apology, two posts today! Thank you for all the patience and for all the love** ** _Storm Before the Calm_** **is getting. Mucho appreciated.**

Kara found her first. Of course, she did. Sam thought she had been doing pretty well. She had switched floors with Tony, who had been practically foaming at the mouth when she offered him the trade. A whole day passed before Kara finally caught her.

It was dumb luck too. Kara's specialty. She caught Sam at the beginning of her shift. Sam had been coming in early to avoid that exact thing but she had missed her usual NC rail and had to catch the next one…20 minutes later. It threw her whole day off and now, Kara was going to throw it off even more. Sam tucked her chin down to avoid eye contact and power walked forward. Hoping against hope that Kara was her usual distracted self and didn't hear her coming.

"Sam!" Kara almost yelped out. Walking just a touch too fast to catch up. She should have known it was stupid to even try for hope.

She kept walking. Not learning her lesson yet and hoping Kara would just leave her alone. Maybe the whole 'I can't see you, you can't see me' mentality would work in this situation.

"Sam, wait! Please."

No waiting. No acknowledging. Sam was a brick wall. She heard nothing. She felt nothing. She was steadfast in her ignoring of the ice pick of hurt that was lodged in her stomach. Sam didn't have feelings to hurt. She didn't need a family. Why would she care that she wasn't really part of hers? She never had been. Stonewall. No feelings.

Three deliveries went on like that. Kara trailing behind, but not trying to pull Sam to a stop, as she went along with her tasks. The pleads coming from Kara tried to melt the ice in her but Sam held on to the cold. It was safe and it meant she wouldn't hurt.

"Sam, please. I'm really sorry. Please talk to me. I just wanna fix it so we can go back to being a family again. I really want that back."

And Sam snapped. The ice melted into a waterfall of hurt and anger. She grabbed Kara's arm, harder than needed and knowing it wouldn't hurt her but hoping the slightest bit that it would, and dragged her off the main part of the 33rd floor.

"You want to talk? Here you go. I don't care what you want back. It's always about what you want. About you. I'm _done_. You took my family from me. All I can remember is being pushed to the side so they could take care of you. So no. I won't talk to you and you can't fix it and we won't ever go back to being a family because we never were one. Leave. Me. Alone."

Kara stood shocked. Mouth agape and eyes wide, hurt slashing through them. Sam mortared herself back up and walled in the part of her that cared she cut so deep. Turning on her heel, she marched back to her cart with her chin leveled and shoulders straight. Fake it until you make it.

As far as Sam was concerned, she didn't have to fake hating Kara. She did. The part that didn't was mute, blind, and deaf in its encasement.


	38. Chapter 38

**A/N: I didn't proof this at all. I got lazy. Sorry bout it...**

It took Sam a few days, her mom coming into town and the resulting fight put everything on hold, but she finally made it down to the DEO. One because J'onn told her she should so she could get a real answer to her question and two because James needed a ride home. She didn't get the whole story but she was told it was a Guardian related incident and she had seen the news. The Guardian had gotten his butt kicked by Matello and Lena Luthor was an escaped felon and must be working with her mother.

It was a poor use of her infraction day off but James needed her and Sam wasn't going to turn her back on a friend. She told John it was a family emergency. He was understanding but also very unhappy. He'd be even less so when she called off for her psych tests.

She was not excited to be going into the DEO, for her own reasons on top of James being hurt. She had made it almost two days without speaking or seeing Alex and Kara. She wasn't eager for that streak to end. She clung to the anger instead of being embarrassed at how easily she was shaken by their mom simply being there or the hurt that she was still an outsider in their family. Anger was so much easier.

She gave all the necessary info to the woman at the front desk then headed toward the med bay. Hopes to avoid her sisters were demolished as she walked right into a storming away Kara, followed by James. Kara met her eyes but wasn't able to say anything as James got her attention. Sam hung back so they could talk. She knew both Kara and James missed each other. They needed this and despite how Sam was feeling at the moment about her sister, she wouldn't deny her the opportunity to mend a friendship.

Not that much mending happened. James was the one who ended up storming away. "I'll be outside." He muttered to Sam as he passed her. She turned to watch him go, weighing her options. There were only two: leave and let things be or confront Kara. The latter felt much more appropriate to Sam at the moment. Watching Kara be so self-righteous was infuriating. Add that to how she'd been feeling the past couple days and Sam was itching to go off. Especially on Kara.

"I'm not sure when you thought you cornered the market on being a hero but maybe you should lay off on James."

"That's not what–"

"That's exactly what you're doing. It's not your place to tell someone what they can and can't do. Who the fuck cares if you're Kryptonian? James wants to help and he is. And you heard him, he doesn't need you to protect him. Not everyone does and I really never understood why you think that? You aren't the end all be all protector, Kara, so maybe stop being so condescending and let James help."

"I'm not saying that he can't–"

Alex walked out as Kara's voice started inching higher. Sam rolled her eyes and fought the urge to just walk away then. "Sam?" She looked at Kara, seeing her distress then back to Sam. "What's going on?"

"Just letting Kara know that she isn't the superhero police and maybe she should stop being such an asshole and leave James alone."

"It's none of your business what happens between James and Kara."

"But it's your business what happens between me and Kara? Because that makes _so_ much sense." Sam sneered. "Just go away Alex."

"No. Maybe you're the one who needs to leave if this is how you're going to act. Kara is allowed to be worried about her friend, she's allowed to advise him."

"She isn't 'advising' him! Are you kidding!?" Sam scoffed, wadding dangerously towards irate. Not because of James. Not because of James at all but because here was Alex, defending Kara. Even when she is so clearly wrong. "Kara is being tyrannical! And you're encouraging it! She's out here, putting all this faith in Lena but won't do the same for James! Two people who are both trying to better themselves! So, what's the difference, huh, Kara?"

"There isn't one! Lena is out there right now, Rao knows where and she could be hurt. Despite what you seem to think, that's the same reason I don't want James out there as Guardian! Because he. Could. Get. Hurt."

"But it isn't your place to tell him he's not allowed to be a hero! You aren't who gets to decide that!"

"Sam, stop." Alex stepped in front of Kara. Stopping whatever response she was going to have but effectively shielding her from Sam. A position of protection. For Kara.

Sam quieted, nodded her head. "Right." She said. All heat and volume gone from her voice. "You know she's wrong. But, you're still protecting her. Just like always."

She didn't wait around for whatever excuse Alex was replying with. James was waiting for her to take him home. She didn't want to hear it anyways.

The talk with J'onn didn't happen but Sam was in no mood to seek him out. She was pretty sure he just watched that argument unfold anyways. He was never far from wherever Alex was.

James didn't say anything to Sam as they walked toward his car. The only interaction they had was him silently handing his keys over. A slight concussion was keeping him from driving and was the reason Sam had to come pick him up.

"Where to?" She asked, never having been over to James's place.

"Let's go to your place." He answered. James was going to use this injury as an excuse to check in on Sam. Yesterday, when she had finally picked up his call, she hadn't been forthcoming with any details. Only confirmed that she was fine then hung up with a hasty goodbye.

"Uh, or I could just take you home. You'd be more comfortable there."

"Sam, my head is killing me. Just thinking about giving you directions to my place is making it worse. Please don't make me do that." He gave her a lazy smile and tried to make it as pained as possible. Which worked. Sam huffed once then started their drive.

James tried his best to pay attention to where they were going but his head really did hurt. After struggling through a few streets, he decided that he could just pin drop his location once they got there and James closed his eyes. Seconds later, at least that's how it felt, Sam was nudging him awake.

"We're here."

He looked out the window at a tall apartment building, closer to the coast than the center of the city but not in the docks side of town. The seedier part of National City.

They made their way up to the seventh floor. He was surprised to see a view of the ocean outside of her window. An old fire escape blocking part of the view. A testament to how old the building was. It wasn't run down or junky in any way though. Just older.

The next thing James noticed was the distinct lack of…everything. Just a general lack. Sam's duffle was tossed by an air mattress in the middle of the room. A single stool sat underneath the bar that separated the kitchen from the rest of the room. No TV, no real table, no real _bed_. If James didn't know that she had moved out hastily than he could've guessed it by what was in front of him.

"Welcome to my humble abode." Sam mumbled.

"Yea, thanks." James said, trying not to make his observations too obvious.

"I'll text Winn to come pick you up. He knows where you live right?"

"You have Winn's number?" James asked, shocked. He completely forgot about his worry over Sam when she said that.

She rolled her eyes at him. "I don't hate him as much as you guys think. At first, yea. I definitely hated him but now he's fine. Plus, Kara made sure that I had everyone's number in case anything happened."

"Of course."

"I said something to her for you."

James turned, a bit too fast which caused his mind to pitch sideways. "You didn't need to do that, Sam. In fact. I wish you hadn't."

"Why?" Sam furrowed her brow at him before looking down at her phone and tapping out her text. "She was being a dick."

"Yea," James nodded. "She was but this is between Kara and I. You don't need to get in the middle of it. We'll be fine and I want you guys to be fine too so please, I appreciate it but, don't fight my battles for me."

"Duly noted. Don't do James any favors. Got it, big guy." She flopped onto the air mattress. "I'd say make yourself at home but there's not much here." She rolled over and pulled her blanket over her. "Winn will be here soon."

Then she completely ignored James. He had no idea if she actually fell asleep or not but let her be all the same. His head hurt too much to go toe to toe with Sam.

She heard James's phone go off and then him get up. His steps hesitated somewhere near the door but then she listened as it opened and closed behind him. Sam rolled onto her back and looked around her apartment. Alone. She sighed and sat up. It was probably a good idea to get something to eat. Maybe call into the DEO and apologize to J'onn.

There was no excuse for how she acted. Really, she owed an apology to Kara and Alex too but that wasn't happening anytime soon. Sam wanted nothing to do with them. But she wanted everything to do with the DEO. Time to swallow her pride.


	39. Chapter 39

"Why did I do that!?" Alex paced her lab. Kara watching her from a stool. "That was our chance. She was _right there_ but did I say anything like 'oh hey, Sam. You should come back. We miss you?' No. I yelled at her. Worse than that," Alex threw her hands up, "I took your side. That was between you two, not me but I still got involved and took your side and now she's going to think I don't want her around."

"Yea, well, I didn't do any better. Because she's totally right. Why do I get to decide who can do what? I give Lena all this faith and trust but none to James and why? He's never done anything _not_ to deserve it. She was completely right but I got all huffy and tried to fight with her. That never ends well."

Alex barely listened to Kara's tirade. She had her own jumbled and guilty thoughts to get through. She jumped as J'onn's voice came from the doorway.

"How about you both do something about your sister instead of trying to decide who is guiltier?" He gave them each a dad glare, driving his point home. His arms were crossed tight over his chest like they always were.

"We don't know where to find her." Kara answered.

"Then I suggest you start looking. You both lectured me on giving M'gann a chance and I'm grateful you did. Now, you need to go and make amends with your sister. That bond is just as important as the one I share with the last tie I have from home. Maybe more so.

"You are both ordered off-duty. You need to find Sam and make things right. You both need her as much as she needs you. My promise to your dad wasn't to just keep you physically safe. Now get out of here."

"Ah, actually." Winn walked up, stopping next to J'onn. A finger in the air. "You might want to hold off on the ordering them home. I found something."

Sam hung up the phone and laid back, thinking that she needed an actual bed ASAP. She was pretty sure her air mattress already had a hole in it. The sides raising up around her as her weight displaced the air.

Her talk with J'onn hadn't been horrible. He was understanding and fatherly. He asked her what her plans for CatCo were and that was when Sam decided that she needed to put her resignation in next time she was at work. Regardless of the DEO working out or not, she couldn't keep working there. Sam hated it.

She would miss some of the people she's met though. Mostly Emma. Maybe they could be friends outside of work. Sam quickly discarded that thought. She didn't really do friends. Case in point, Maggie. Her sister's girlfriend was gift wrapped as a friend but Sam had ruined that. She couldn't even bring herself to answer Maggie's texts, checking up on her.

But Maggie wasn't her friend. Maggie was Alex's girlfriend and was only nice to Sam because Alex asked her to. Alex wanted her to watch over Sam. Keep an eye on her and what she did.

Even as Sam told herself that, she could taste the lie. Like an itch in the back of her throat. Her body trying to reject the thought. Sam got up and went for a run. She wouldn't think about any of it.


	40. Chapter 40

**A/N: I'm moving "Mr. & Mrs. Mxyzptlk" further from the end of "Luthors" since Sam isn't really talking to her sisters right now and I have plans for Valentine's Day that require Sam to be talking to her sisters. I also realized that it wasn't until "Mr. & Mrs." that Winn starts dating Lyra but I mentioned her some chapters back. My bad but let's just role with it. Also. Side note. Mon-El shows up in this chapter a bit. For the record, I like Mon-El a lot (plus Chris Woods is from Ohio, whoop whoop (I am also from Ohio)) but not for Kara and I definitely think they could develop him into a better person. So, while I do bad mouth him a bit with Sam and write him in not the best light, I actually like him.**

Maggie banged on the door to what was supposedly Sam's new home. James had texted her, still not wanting to talk to Kara but also not wanting to let this information slip by, and told her about his visit. That it was empty and he was worried about Sam. Not that she wasn't able to provide for herself but more that she didn't seem to want to. Maggie had her own worries. All stemming from the fact that Sam wouldn't respond to any of her texts or calls.

No answer. Maggie stifled a frustrated groan and banged louder on the door. She waited five more minutes then turned to leave. She jabbed the elevator button. Annoyed that she was still not able to reach Sam. She thought for sure coming here would lead to something. Her luck turned though as the doors slid open and revealed a sweaty Sam dressed in a drenched cut-off shirt and old athletic shorts.

She seemed frozen for a moment, a surprised look on her face before her features became stone and she stepped past Maggie, ignoring her.

"Woah, wait. Sam." Maggie turned and reached out to stop her. Sam yanked her arm away as soon as Maggie made contact.

"I don't want to talk to you."

"Yea, I've noticed but I want to talk to you."

Sam continued walking to her apartment. She felt around her door frame and Maggie watched confused until there was a metallic clink as her key fell onto the hallway floor.

"You shouldn't keep your key there. Or do that when people are around."

"Gonna steal all my stuff?" Sam didn't look back as her voice lashed out at Maggie. "I'm guessing that's why you're here. James tried to hide it but he's an easy read when he isn't concussed so concerned wasn't exactly hard to see."

"He's just worried. We all are. You kind of fell off the face of the earth."

"Yea, well. That tends to happen when you realize how unnecessary you are." Sam cursed herself as she admitted that. She should slam the door in her face. Not let her in. But, she couldn't bring herself to do it so instead she left it open as she went in. Maggie would follow.

Sam ignored the older woman as she looked around the apartment. She grabbed a towel, her only towel, and some clothes and shut herself in the bathroom. Maybe Maggie would be gone when she was done. Sam scoffed at herself. Yea, right.

And just like she thought, Maggie was still there when she came out. Perched on the stool with phone in hand. Sam ignored her.

"You've been here almost a week now, Sam. Why haven't you actually moved in? Ya know, like gotten yourself the essentials." Sam shrugged. More of an answer than she wanted to give but Maggie had that effect. She still couldn't figure out why answers always followed the questions Maggie asked. They just did without her thinking about giving them.

Alex reached for her phone as it buzzed against the lab table. It was a text from Maggie. She also saw a missed call from her mom. She ignored the notification just like she had the actual call and went into Maggie's thread. She still wasn't talking to her mom, even though Kara was again.

 **-I'm at Sam's. James was right. This place is basically empty. There's one stool and an air mattress. That's it. I'm honestly surprised there's sheets on the bed (M)**

 **-I even looked in the fridge. For someone who kept yours so well stocked, I feel like we should be worried that it's empty. This feels more like Sam being mad at you guys than she just hasn't gotten around to buying the stuff she needs (M)**

 **-Does that make sense? Like, this isn't Sam not having time or that she can't afford stuff (M)**

Alex read the words twice. Taking them in and processing them. It felt like more to her too but she didn't know why. Maybe Sam felt the same way she did. Felt more because they had been doing so well.

 **-She let you in? Surprising. (A)**

 **\- That made sense. Idk what to do tho. (A)**

 **-She tried to ignore me at first but then she kinda just left the door open when she went in so I followed her. I think that counts as letting me in? (M)**

 **-Try to find out what's up with her. She talks to you. Let me know. (A)**

 **-Will do. Call me when you get off tonight (M)**

Alex rolled her neck, trying to work out the kinks from staring into a microscope for too long. She was still studying the synthetic Kryptonite. The DEO hoped they would figure out some component that would help them develop a way for Kara to lessen its effects. If her weakness could be manufactured than so could a retardant for it.

Focus was once again a thing of the past though. Now, all Alex could think about was Sam and what was going on. She figured she'd get an answer soon. Sam was scheduled in a couple days for her psych evaluation. That tumbled Alex down a new hole of thought. It would be the first time they'd seen each other since the James/Guardian fight.

Alex cringed at the thought. Maggie had even warned her, that first day they talked about it, to not pick sides. To let Kara and Sam figure out their relationship for themselves. But, Alex was a control freak and an unswerving protector of Kara. She hadn't even thought about stepping in. That was the problem.

She slumped back from her work station. Focus had been hard to come by since Sam left and now, what little Alex had scraped together for the evening was gone. Mention of Sam seemed to do that lately.

 **-I'm heading out. Can't focus. I'll be at yours. (A)**

Not being able to be home alone at her apartment was another development since Sam left. It felt too empty and guilt exploded in Alex's chest the few times she had tried. This was a more powerful wake up call to their messed up relationship than Sam's handcuffed waltz back into their lives. That argument after she picked her up had given Alex hope. That felt fixable. This latest verbal battle shattered that glass-like optimism.

 **-Ok babe. I'll be home soon. Sam is getting all defensive so I don't think I'll get much more tonight but hey! At least she's talking to me again, right?**

Alex smiled. Thankfully, Maggie had enough optimism for the both of them until Alex got her shit together. Something that needed to be done fast. The longer they let this fester, the worse it was going to be. The talk about Sam's drinking would have to wait and that put Alex on edge. They just needed a relationship again before she could even bring something like that up. So far, it hadn't bleed into Sam's public or professional life. That made Alex feel like they had some time to wait.

But this could be done. They just needed a plan. Something Alex could follow and focus on. She was good with plans. Her job as a commanding DEO agent depended on her being good with plans. So, after a change into sweats and one of Maggie's old Temple University shirts, Alex sat down with a notebook and penned out Operation Get Sam Back. She threw herself into it with the same reckless focus she was known for. The kind that Maggie begged her to be careful of. The kind she hadn't been able to grasp for five days.

Kara curled further into her couch and pulled her blanket tighter around her. She'd been trying to talk to Sam and failing miserably. At work, at home, over the phone. Anything but Sam had ignored her or avoided her. It hurt. Alex had talked her down after Eliza left and Lena had reassured her constantly but she couldn't shake the guilty feeling that all of this was her fault.

The TV was playing some _Grounded for Life_ rerun that would usually have Kara laughing but she stared at the TV, not really watching. Her mind too preoccupied. She listened as familiar steps coming down her hallway caught her attention. Moments later there was a knock. She looked over toward, and through, the door. Sighing when she saw who it was.

Mon-El was on her last nerve. She was coming around to the idea that she had feelings for him and that was okay but she had too much on her plate to be dealing with him tonight. Somewhere in the back of her head she realized that if she cared about him as much as she should, she wouldn't have that thought. Kara would want Mon-El there to help her through this Sam dilemma. Like Alex and Maggie. But, she didn't have the mental capacity at the moment to deal with Sam and Mon-El and Lena and being Supergirl and everything else to realize that that was an issue.

Instead, she trudged to the door and opened it, leaning on it instead of swinging it wide and inviting him in. "Hey Mon-El."

"Kara, hi." He smiled wide at her, happy in every way she wasn't. More guilt piled on as she realized that he was genuinely happy to see her while she just wanted to be left alone.

"What's up?"

"Nothing. I thought I'd stop by and see how you were. Maybe hang out a little. It's really boring at the DEO tonight. Winn said that it was dead, which I sort of get that slang term but I'm not really a fan of the image it brings up. I'll just stick with boring."

Kara sighed, mustering her best apologetic smile. "Mon-El, listen, I'm really sorry and normally, I'd love to hang out but not tonight."

"Oh okay. Is it because Sam? Winn said that you were upset about that fight you guys got into the other day. I'm sure it'll blow over. And hey! Maybe you need a distraction." He smiled again. Charming and convincing. "I've heard I'm an excellent distraction."

His downplay of her family troubles pricked at Kara's nerves. Already frayed from Sam. She clenched her jaw in an effort to not yell at him. They had been doing so well the last few days. It's been almost a week since she last had to scold him. Today didn't feel like the right time to do it again.

"I really appreciate the offer but no. I need to figure out what to do about my sisters before it gets too out of hand. Maybe some other time."

"Alright." He shrugged. "Let me know if you change your mind."

Then he was gone and Kara sent a prayer of thanks up to Rao because she would not be able to handle a pushy and pestering Mon-El. Except that's what she expected and was a little miffed he walked away so easily. Ugh! Her thoughts and emotions were all over the place. She hated it.

Her phone vibrating on the coffee table pulled her away from her annoyance. She zipped toward it with ill-advised hope. Maybe it was Sam. It wasn't but maybe the next best thing.

 **-I have an idea to get Sam back. Free tomorrow? We need to go shopping. (A)**

Kara was skeptical how Sam forgiving them involved shopping but Kara trusted Alex. She clicked to her calendar to double check, sending a text off to Lena cancelling their plans. She'd understand. Kara's family was priority now more than ever.

 **-I am now. I'll go in early tom too so I can get off earlier. What do u need me to do? (K)**


	41. Chapter 41

**A/N: Sorry I missed yesterday. End of the year means all my students are realizing that their bad grades and missing assignments aren't okay. Ended up staying after school to help! Speaking of which, the peeps who asked me to post more, I'm doing my best. Things will pick up once summer hits. Also. Had someone ask how they missed updates. Well...Each time I posted this website said there was an error but everything posted just fine. Sorry about that! Thanks for reading!**

Two days, two trips down toward the docks. Maggie barely ever came to this side of town. Only if they got calls. Once for a date, not with Alex. It hadn't gone well and Maggie wasn't eager to try a boardwalk date with her current girlfriend. Things were going well and that place felt like it had bad juju now. She knocked on Sam's door.

She knocked again. No answer. Maggie sighed. She was hoping for a little better reception this time. Sam had felt less tense last night when she left. Maybe Maggie read her wrong. But no. She was sure Sam had been warming up.

Another round of knocks. This time she was rewarded with a muffled "What!?"

"It's Maggie, hey."

The door swung open with force. "What do you want?"

Maggie pulled her head back and blinked a few times like she got hit. "Well. Hello to you too. I'm great, thanks for asking."

"Seriously, Maggie. What?"

"Nothing. I stopped by to see you. Is that against the law now? I was under the impression that we were friends." And she was. That belief had faltered after Sam had snapped at her but Maggie recovered. Now, she was even more invested in Sam.

She was barely speaking with James and only talking to Maggie when she was forced to. It was worse than when she first moved to National City. Maggie wouldn't let her go friendless then and refused even more now. She also made a promise to herself that this would be less about Alex. She liked Sam and now she needed to make the effort without some other agenda of trying to help Alex. This was about her and Sam. That's it.

Sam was unamused. She stared at Maggie, not replying. Maggie flashed her a smile. She was content to wait. Sam would concede; just like Alex would in her position. Maggie was sure of it.

And just like the previous night, Sam walked away with the door left open. An almost invite for Maggie to come in. She'd take it.

"So, what are we doing tonight, Baby Danvers?" Sam looked at her then continued on with tidying her kitchen up. Maggie was surprised to see a couple different dishes. A bowl, plate, silverware and a couple cups in the sink. She honestly thought Sam only had one of everything.

Maggie ignored the beer bottles on the counter above the trash can. Not the right time. "Staying in then. Got it. How's work?"

"Fine."

"Well good. That's good. Work has been great. Thanks for asking." Maggie pulled out both dimples for the smile she returned Sam's glare with. "Supergirl has been cleaning up a lot of the 'extra' crime and it's let me focus more on helping National City's alien population than casing them as criminals. Puts the NCPD in better light."

That was the end of that topic. This was going to be harder than Maggie thought. Honestly, she had it easy before. Sam hadn't known her. There's a certain security in talking to people you don't know. A layer of comfort in them knowing nothing about you. Now, Sam knew Maggie, knew her specifically as Alex's girlfriend and knew what that entailed. She needed Sam to know her as Maggie, Sam's friend. It was difficult to change someone's perception on you but Maggie was up to the challenge.

"You watched The Draft earlier this week, right? How'd the Sharks do? I was on shift so I only paid attention to the Cowboys alerts I got on my phone."

"Can we not do the whole small talk thing?"

"I'd love to skip right to big talk but maybe we need to ease into it since you aren't even trying to play small ball right now."

"You could always just leave me alone like I asked you to. I don't need a babysitter."

"Sam, I promise you, I am not here to babysit you. I'm here because you're my friend and you're going through a tough time. I wanna be here for you."

Sam scoffed and stopped cleaning to face Maggie. "The only reason you even know about that 'tough time' is because you're dating my sister. So, no, you aren't here because you're my friend. You're here for Alex."

Maggie got close enough to grab Sam's shoulders. She didn't lean in too close. Sam wasn't a big fan of her personal space being invaded but Maggie needed to get her point across.

"I swear to you, on my badge, on my life, on anything you want me to, that I am here for you and only you. Yea, sure. I may have tried to get to know you because you're my girlfriend's little sister but that isn't what made me _be_ your friend. I'm your friend because I like you and I care about you."

Maggie laughed. Sam looked at her like she was crazy as she shrugged out of her hold. "What?"

"It's like a 90s teen movie. Ya know the ones about the cool kid who dates the nerd girl on a bet or something but then falls in love only to have it all come crashing down when she finds out."

Sam cracked a smile. A win for Maggie. "If that's the plot we're going with, I have a few more days to be pissed at you."

She threw her thumb over her shoulder, towards the door. "Should I leave then?"

A dangerous question. Would Sam say yes? Maggie hoped not but if she did, her request would be followed. Maggie was determined but she wouldn't force things. If Sam told her explicitly to leave, she would. She was taking Alex's new approach to Sam: slow and steady wins the race.

"I really doubt you would if I said yea."

"If you want me to leave, Sam, I will. I'll come back tomorrow or some other time this week but if you tell me to leave then I'll leave."

"Um, okay." Sam paused, not looking at Maggie. Her hands hovering over the dishes in the sink. Only for a moment. Then they were rushing back to their task. "Since we're following the plot and all, maybe you should. Can't veer from the script."

"We really can't." Maggie agreed.

"I have that psych eval tomorrow anyways." Maggie's eyes flicked toward the beers. She wanted to say something but kept quiet. Wrong time. "So, yea."

"That's right. I was wondering when you were going in for that." Alex had told her. She wouldn't tell Sam that. Distance from Maggie the friend and Maggie the girlfriend. "Good luck, Baby Danvers. You're gonna kill it."

Sam gave her a tight smile. "Thanks."

"I'll give you a call to see how it went. If you ignore it, I'll just keep calling!" That got a more proper smile out of Sam but Maggie doesn't keep joking. She grabs the handle and gives a 'see ya' before pulling the door shut behind her.


	42. Chapter 42

**A/N: 42 is my fav number and I really enjoyed this chapter! Yay! Any questions about the tests Sam completed, just ask. I personally love the MBTI test and suggest everyone take it! We learn a lot about Sam in this chapter. More so about the traits and abilities she has been suppressing (at least that's what I learned). Enjoy!**

There was no reason to be there. No family keeping her in National City. The only thing keeping her there, and Sam tried to tell herself that it wasn't actually worth it, was her opportunity with the DEO. Despite what she thought was her better judgement, Sam sat in the conference room her recommendation hearing had been in. Her fingers tapped impatiently against the table.

She had taken an IQ test, several personality tests and now she was just waiting. It was hard to tell how long she had been waiting but it was long enough to start pissing her off. Having to interact with Alex wasn't helping either. Not that Alex tried talking to her, not about anything that had to do with their personal lives.

If anything, Alex seemed to be more of a raging bitch than normal. It wasn't even like she was acting as if they'd never met. Alex was rude and overly blunt. Her tone left much to be desired. It was jabbing at Sam's buttons and took an inhuman amount of restraint not to snap back at her.

It was taking the little bit of left over, human restraint to not get up and leave. This waiting was getting old. Her patience was not anything of not and her restraint had always been suspect. This was more will power than anything.

Vasquez came back in, _finally_ , with tablet in hand. "Sam, your tests all came back. If you're ready then I'll discuss the results with you."

She nodded and remained silent. Agent Vasquez would drive the conversation. All Sam had to do was listen and answer questions. This wasn't meant to be a real discussion.

"Alright." Vasquez settled into the seat across from her. "We'll go through your results in the same order that you took the tests. And remember, there is no 'correct' answer. Just what fits with the DEO and what doesn't. If you fall into the doesn't category, that doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with you."

Sam's stomach bottomed out and her heart jumped painfully. Was this Vasquez easing her into the doesn't category? It didn't feel like she could handle that. That feeling was probably why she was a doesn't. Vasquez didn't seem to notice Sam's panic.

"On your IQ test you scored pretty high, just a few points under Alex actually. She got 146 or maybe 147, I don't remember exactly." Vasquez waved away her digression. "Anyways, you're right in the middle of gifted at 139. That's impressive, Sam. I guess that explains the sharp turn around when you changed high schools."

That didn't sound like a doesn't category check mark. She nodded again. Her processing was jumbled, still caught up on her preemptive verdict that they weren't going to let her join. Sam didn't think to explain that it was a choice she made to fail her classes. A quick way to piss off her academic-minded mother.

"Your IQ more than exceeds our requirement. Next, we'll move onto your DISC profile. You got Dominance and Influence. An interesting combination. Alex was especially surprised you got Influence. Do you know what these results mean?"

"No."

"I'll give you a quick run down then. So, Dominance style can be summarized as someone who is motivated by winning, competition and success; prioritizes accepting challenge, taking action and achieving immediate results. Um, also," Vasquez paused as she scrolled through on her tablet, "they can be direct, demanding, forceful, strong willed, driven, and determined, fast-paced, and self-confident. These styles may be limited by lack of concern for others, impatience and open skepticism. They may fear being seen as vulnerable or being taken advantage of; and, values competency, action, concrete results, personal freedom, and challenges."

Well then, Sam thought. Sounded about right. She was curious about her other result. Mostly why Alex was surprised by it. "And the Influence?"

"Right. One second." Vasquez scrolled again, tapped a few times. "An Influence type is summarized as someone who may be limited by being impulsive and disorganized and having lack of follow-through; described as convincing, magnetic, enthusiastic, warm, trusting and optimistic. They prioritize taking action, collaboration, and expressing enthusiasm. Motivated by social recognition, group activities, and relationships."

And that was why Alex was surprised. Sam wasn't exactly anti-social but she had definitely shied away from friends long enough that some people worried.

"Influence types may fear loss of influence, disapproval and being ignored. They value coaching and counseling, freedom of expression and democratic relationships." Vasquez looked up at Sam. "Any questions on those?"

Sam shook her head. It was easy enough to understand now that she knew what the words stood for. She just didn't know what it meant for the DEO.

"Now, again, like the IQ results, there is nothing wrong with any kind of personality type. It's simply what works in our organization and what doesn't. The DI style can go either way. We are usually weary about it. The impulsiveness mixed with immediate results, strong-willed and self-confident, lack of follow through. But, there are some really good traits with this type too.

"We had the same issues with Alex when she joined. She leans more toward a Dominance/Conscientious type but only slightly over Dominance/Influence. You can see, she worked out great for us."

"What does it mean for me though?"

"It means that we weren't thrilled to see this type but it didn't make our decision. We took your other test results into account."

"And those results are?" The annoyance from a long day and now hearing some negative news seeped into Sam's voice. Vasquez gave her a look that said 'this is exactly what I'm talking about' but answered.

"Your Rorschach Test was…not ideal. You answered five questions, out of ten, remember? Well, five of them were the same as commonly given answers by individuals with some psychological disturbance. This means you fall into the cognitively disturbed category."

Sam didn't know how to react. Part of her was screaming to defend herself but she couldn't hear it over the white noise.

"Now, more than any of the other results, I want to stress that this does _not_ mean there is anything wrong with you. The test is broad so that we examine everyone that even hints toward cognitively disturbed just to be on the safe side.

"Five questions is on the low end of that broad range and Alex vouched for you. Said that because of the way you guys grew up, with Kara and your dad being taken into the DEO back when it kind of sucked, is probably why you scored that way. Not to mention that your time in the military exposed you to more violence than most."

That stopped the white noise. Alex was still vouching for her? After two fights with Kara? Sam shoved the resulting thought away. It didn't matter that Alex 'still' cared for her. Sam wasn't melodramatic. She knew that Alex has always cared about her. Just not as much as she cared for Kara.

"You don't need to worry about this one. We spoke to J'onn and he passed you on the Rorschach. I have to inform you about all your test results, DEO rules, but seriously, don't worry.

"Your Keirsey Temperament sorter and MBTI go hand in hand so we'll talk about them together. For the KTS, you fell into the Rational temperament which is aligned with your Dominance/Influence type from the DISC test. Your MBTI is ENTJ. Do you need clarification on those?"

A quick nod. "Right, so where you fall in the KTS is as a field marshal. In short, it's why you can't keep your opinion to yourself and why you can focus solely on getting something done, whether it's by the book or not. Your ENTJ result mirrors and supports that. You're a natural-born leader. You're charismatic and confident, and project authority in a way that draws crowds together behind a common goal. But, you also have an often ruthless level of rationality.

"What we get from these is a more in-depth understanding into who you are and a set of strengths and weaknesses. Your strengths are great, Sam. Exactly what we need in the DEO. Efficient, energetic, self-confident on the job, strong-willed. Which, I mentioned early as a concern. It's a double-edged sword really." Vasquez looked back down to continue her list.

"A strategic thinker and you can be charismatic and inspiring. At least when you want to be." She shot a smile to Sam. It had been a long time since Sam was charismatic or inspiring. She hadn't even tried in ages. Charismatic was probably coming back with those social skills CatCo had brought back out.

"Now, your weaknesses. Stubborn and dominant, intolerant, impatient, arrogant, poor emotional handling, cold and ruthless. Those are dangerous in our line of work."

Sam wished they could stop talking about her results. She just wanted to know: yes or no. Was she DEO material or not? All this talking was making her antsy. Her knee started bouncing minutes ago and it was taking most of her self-control to not start tapping her fingers on the table.

"There are just too many negatives, Sam. I'm sorry." Vasquez smiled apologetically. Sam must have heard her wrong. The white noise was coming back. "We can't let someone as impulsive and stubborn into the DEO. You have a history of not following orders, being confrontational, and just all around ineffective in the type of role we would be offering you."

Wait. What? Sam had thought this was going well. Vasquez was so quick to assure her with each negative she said. They got the Rorschach results okay'd by J'onn. It didn't make sense.

"It would be too dangerous. You just aren't good enough."

That hit hard. A punch to the gut. Sam opened her mouth to say…something. Anything. To defend herself or ask for another chance. To _demand_ another chance. Both Alex and Kara were good enough. She had to be too…right? She was good enough. She had to be.

The words never came. Her hesitance costing her that last chance. A very real hit to the back of her head forced darkness over her. The room disappeared and her thoughts blacked out.


	43. Chapter 43

Alex stood next to Hill, looking down at Sam. She felt horrible. One, for letting someone knock her sister out and two, for telling Vasquez what words would hurt Sam the most. Her and Sam might not be on the best of terms at the moment but this was her sister. She didn't even like doing this to the recruits she barely knew. This clawed the guilty hole in her chest into a gaping mess.

"Easy." She snapped at the agents hauling Sam up, roughly. They met her glare with wide eyes before carrying Sam out. Alex was pleased to see them handle her a bit gentler.

A sigh escaped her, momentarily forgetting that Vasquez was still in the room. The hand falling onto her shoulder was the only thing that pulled her back into the present. Her eyes falling away from Sam's limp form being held up between the two agents.

"She'll be alright, Danvers. According to all this," She lifted and shook the tablet in her hand, "She's like you and, if I remember correctly, you made this test your bitch."

Alex chuckled. Vasquez didn't swear often and when she did, it was always well placed and well timed. Never in her life had Alex met someone who used cuss words as a tool to comfort others.

"We're not that similar." Alex steered the conversation away from what Sam was about to go through. A very slight subject change. They started to walk back out to the computer bay.

"Are you kidding, Danvers?" Vasquez scoffed. "It's more like you aren't that different. The personality differences were so slight. D/I vs D/C and seriously, you were borderline D/C. Your _only_ difference in the Myers-Briggs is the first freaking letter."

"I still can't believe she's considered extraverted." Vasquez shrugged. It was semi-comforting to think that her and Sam were alike. It made it feel like Alex could actually fix things. They _did_ have common ground to fall on.

Her plan to get Sam back was still in place, the only thing to do was wait for the right time. Alex hoped it would be after Sam was made official DEO. It was going to happen, Alex was positive. The results toed that line of rejection, where Alex herself had been, but she was sure Sam would turn out to be one of the great agents. She'd stay on the right side of that line. Alex would make sure of it.

Once the decision was made, Sam would be in a good mood and more receptive to Alex and Kara. They could start that long journey to being a family all over again and this time, do better. Alex would do better.

 **A/N: Got this idea from "Alex" and how Alex seemed mostly calm and cool in her little box. That is something they trained her for and I think being in a situation like that and being so calm is a personality thing too. So. Thus. A stressful results interview to rile Sam up and next, a high stress situation she wasn't expecting.**


	44. Chapter 44

**A/N: 44 was my basketball number in high school and I also really enjoyed this chapter! Yay. A little cliche in the middle with part of her escape but sue me. I personally like cliches from time to time. They're tried and true for a reason! Thanks for reading!**

An overpowering throb was the first thing to claw its way out of the darkness. Next was the pressure at the base of her skull and a sharp, metallic pain in the middle of the pressure. Sam groaned and moved a hand up to feel around the area. Except both hands came up.

Instantly, Sam was aware of the metal cuffs and the uncomfortable positioning of her hands. Behind her back and pushed awkwardly to the side. _She_ was on her side. On some floor of some place that she had never seen.

The walls were a dirty gray. A door with no handle on one side, no windows. One small vent high on a single wall. A few pipes that sat about a foot lower than the ceiling.

Sam tried to think through where she was. Nothing was coming to her. Last she remembered, she was at the DEO talking to Vasquez. Listening as she went through Sam's results. Listening as she rejected me, Sam remembered.

She sat up, shoulders sore. There was no way to gauge how long she had been out. The ache in her shoulders and side let her guess at least an hour. Maybe more. In the grand scheme, it didn't really matter.

The idea of Kara coming for her came to Sam first. She pushed it away. Kara wouldn't know she was missing. She hasn't seen her since their fight at the DEO. Sam told herself she didn't want Kara to come to her rescue anyways.

Alex was also an option but Sam wanted her even less. Maybe this was good. Alex and Kara wouldn't have to be bothered with Sam anymore. They could just be a family now. A real one.

Sam shook herself out of those thoughts. She was being an idiotic defeatist. There was no time for that. She needed to escape. She may be less than thrilled with her life at the moment but she didn't have a death wish.

The throbbing in her head protested as she eased into a seated position. No nausea though, she didn't feel spacey. No concussion then. On closer inspection, Sam saw a camera above the door. Small but its red record light was blinking.

Sam wondered if she did have a concussion. There must be something missing. Last she remembered, she was in the DEO. There was no way she could've been taken when surrounded by agents.

Again, it didn't matter. She needed to get out. That was that. Slowly, Sam maneuvered the cuffs to the front of her body. Then she stood, walked the small room. Looking for anything.

The vent was too small and too high. The door had no handle. The room was technically flawless. It seemed, and felt, that there was no way out. Sam's heart beat sped up with that realization. She stopped moving and focused on breathing. In, out. In, out. In, out. She was going to be fine. Brick wall. No feelings. Calm, cool, composed.

The metal was warm against her wrist but Sam was still acutely aware of the presence of the cuffs. She looked at the door. Maybe…

Sam pushed it in. The door was too small for its frame and gave until the latch caught. A half inch at the most. All that was exposed was more door frame but she had an idea.

Her cuffs had to come off.

"Fuck." Sam mumbled to herself. This was going to suck.

She moved one hand, as best she could, over the right bone in the other one. Sam took a deep breath then, before she could chicken out, pushed as hard as she could.

Right as she was losing her nerve, about to give into the pain and stop, her thumb popped out of place.

"FUCK. Ughh." Sam yelped. "God damn it. Fucking _hell_. Ow!"

She quickly pulled her hand out of the cuff and hugged it to her chest. Breathing through the pain with her jaw tight. Her other wrist was still circled by the warm metal, the now empty cuff hanging against her arm. They'd been taught how to do that right before being deployed, in case any of them were taken, but Sam had never done it. The pain was worse than she thought it was going to be.

With two free hands, her options expanded a bit. She pushed the metal arm of the cuff through its hold. She wedged it into the extra space of the door and tried to use the leverage to pry it open. It moved like it would open but then the cuff bent.

"Damn it!" She kicked at the door. It gave a satisfying thump. Like it might dislodge. She kicked again, harder and more deliberate. It made the same sound but didn't move. Not even back into place. It was stuck. Sam kicked once more. Nothing.

No giving up though. Sam took a few steps back, a deep breath, then charged the door. Ramming it with her shoulder. She grunted on impact. The dull collision doubling the throbbing in her head. Her hand went in time with it. She did it again. And again. And again. It had moved more, at least Sam thought, but not enough.

Brute force wasn't going to work. New plan. Sam looked around again but here was _nothing_. Her frustration was rising. Mixing with her bad mood from earlier. _You just aren't good enough_ , Vasquez's voice was almost tangible in her mind.

Anger ripped through her. She turned and with a yell, kicked at the door over and over again. The banging drowned out Vasquez's mantra in her head. When Sam stopped, she was out of breath and her knee was sore. Scuffs dotted the door. She stumbled backwards until her back hit the wall then she slid down it. The cuffs rattling hollowly as her hand hit the ground.

I can't even get out of a stupid room, Sam thought, no wonder I'm not good enough. She pulled her broken hand into her lap, cradling it. Her head tilted back to rest against the wall. All the pain in her body throbbed in time with each other.

She stared at the camera. There was no one she could think of that would want to do this to her. Maybe it was Supergirl related but Sam doubted that. They would have taken Alex if it was. The closer sister. Sam pulled off her shoe and chucked it at the camera. Hitting it square and knocking it down. A little of her anger ebbed with the small destruction.

Enough of it that she could focus on the problem at hand. Pouting and throwing a fit wasn't a productive use of her energy. There was no giving up. No defeat. Sam would get out of this and shut up the part of her that thought it was impossible.

Sam got up and pulled her shoe back on. Walking back to the door, she put her ear up against it and let her eyes slip shut. Nothing. It was silent. But that was good. She hadn't thought about drawing attention with all of her kicking. She was in no shape to put up much of a fight, especially one handed.

She turned back and looked around the room. The pipes caught her attention. Now that she was standing, they seemed lower. Maybe she could reach them. Sam wandered over and looked up, gauging how high they were. She raised her arm. The pipes were about two feet above her fingertips, give or take, and Sam was really hoping that she was giving.

Her first jump was a test. Not her full vertical but to see just how far she was off. More than half a foot. The full extent of her best vertical would be enough. She'd need a running start that. Too bad the room was only about eight feet by eight feet. Sam moved to the door and stood with her back to it.

She took quick, purposeful steps. Launching herself off one foot. A single hand, her broken one, grabbed the lowest pipe but it couldn't hold her long enough to get her other one up. Unfortunately, it was long enough to throw her legs out from under her as her grip slipped. Sam landed hard on her back.

She coughed, staring up at the ceiling. A groan pulled out of her as she rolled over and stood up. Sam trudged back to the door and tried again. Opting to push off with the opposite foot this time around, hoping she'd grab with her good hand.

It worked. Her fingers curled around the pipe and held strong. The cuff chain clanking as the momentum tried to wrap it around the pipe. Like it was helping. Sam shot her other hand up, wincing as it screamed in pain. Quickly, she pulled herself up enough to use her elbow instead of broken hand to hold her up. Sam thanked God and Rao that she had started working out again. She'd be so screwed if she hadn't. Sam swung her legs up to wrap around the pipe.

Her vision was now flipped. Everything was upside down but she was level with the vent. Sam reached out one handed and yanked it off. It came easy. Another camera sat blinking at her. She ripped it out and threw it to the ground. Nothing else was in there.

"Because why the fuck would the tiny ass vent help me?" Sam asked herself. Frustrated and stumped.

As she readjusted her grip, the pipe gave under her weight. Sam clung tighter and squeezed her eyes shut. But no fall came. The pipe held. Sam tried again. Bouncing her weight and feeling the flexibility. Maybe if she….

Carefully, Sam moved her feet to the ceiling. All of her weight being held by her arms. They were shaking from the exertion. Her messed up hand barely doing the job she needed it to do. She didn't have long and this was going to suck. Again.

Sam pulled hard, pushing against the ceiling to help her quickly weakening arms. Between her arms, legs, and gravity, the pipe holding Sam up came loose. Weightlessness wrapped around her for a second before the ground caught her, hard.

She gasped for breath. The second time it got knocked out of her was so much worse than the first time. Sam rolled over, onto her hands and knees, half gasping and half coughing to get air into her lungs. The pipe clattered and rolled away from her.

Her hand hated her, her head was trying to claw its way out, and her back ached. It took several minutes before Sam could haul herself up. Now that she had the pipe, she wasn't exactly sure what to do with it. Brute force again. Why not?

Sam lined up to the side of the door and took up the batting stance she had strived to perfect in tee ball. She swung for the fences. The clang that reverberated up her arms was jarringly loud in the small room. Sam did it again. Then again. No real change. A few dents and dings in the door but nothing substantial.

Sam tried to fit the end of the pipe in between the door and the jam. The extra bit she had lodged the door in with her kicking made it a perfect fit. She worked her fingers between the door and the pipe then pulled. At first nothing happened so Sam put her weight into it. A small shift. Light in the tunnel. She lifted one leg and used the door for extra leverage, then her other. Not learning her lesson from falling from the pipe.

With a god-awful screech and crack, the door flew open. Sam yelped as she fell. Instead of letting herself react to the pain, she scrambled to her feet. The slightly bent pipe held tight in her good hand, ready for whatever was on the other side.

Nothing was on the other side. Well, nothing dangerous. Not that that made Sam any happier about her escape. She threw down the pipe and walked out of the room, scowling away the proud look on Alex's face. J'onn at least had the decency to look professional. She stopped in front of them, noticing Vasquez sitting in front of two black screens, one showed the room Sam was just in. She couldn't tell from what angle.

Sam ground her teeth together to keep from saying anything. What the hell kind of psych test was that? A bullshit one, in Sam's opinion.

"Congratulations, Sam. We put very few recruits through that specific test. You passed with flying colors. Although, maybe try to not hurt yourself so much next time."

"What the–" Sam stopped herself. "What was that supposed to test me on?"

"How you handle high stress when you are already stressed." J'onn explained calmly. Alex hadn't said a word yet and now Sam was refusing to even acknowledge her.

"So, what Vasquez said? About me not being good enough?"

"Based on your psych tests and…other resources, we determined what would be the most detrimental news for you to hear before we put you through this. I am sorry we had to go through such lengths but we cannot afford to make you an agent only to later learn that you can't handle the type of situations that we are very likely to go through."

Logically, that made sense. Too bad logic wasn't Sam's strong suit when pissed.

"Now, as far as what Agent Vasquez said, you are still being considered for agency with us. You are done with the psych evaluations. Once you are healed, we will start the more physical tests." Sam just _barely_ held in a scoff. Because what she went through wasn't physical, right?

"J'onn, sir. Can I ask about something?" Sam started. A small itch of logic wouldn't leave her alone.

"Go ahead."

"I, uh, didn't get to talk with you about CatCo in length and I was wondering when I should put my two weeks in. When last we spoke, I said I was most likely going to but I haven't yet. It would be irresponsible to do so without another job lined up. I know it may be a little presumptuous to ask that but they have an extremely strict call-off policy in the mail department and if I call off again, I'll get fired.

Not exactly the end of the world but I would like to avoid that if possible. They've been good to me. I'd like to do my best by them, even if I may not be working there in the future."

J'onn looked at her for a few seconds. His arms, like always, folded tightly across his chest. A slow smile grew on his face. "Go ahead and give them your resignation, Sam. This is not a promise of employment but I do think it is looking good for you."

"Thank you, sir."

He nodded. "Before you leave, you need to go with Alex to the med bay and get checked out. It's DEO policy to get an examination after any injury suffered in the field. That includes training as well."

Not what Sam wanted to hear. Didn't matter. This was work and they were both adults. She could be civil. Maybe not pleasant but civil was doable. Well, as long as Alex was civil. No promises if she was still being a bitch.

Sam gave a curt nod, not waiting for Alex as she moved toward the main level of the DEO and the med bay. The sooner she got this over with, the better.


	45. Chapter 45

Sam was already seated on one of the med tables when Alex walked in. She took a subtle deep breath. This was going to be trying but! It was a first step in Operation Get Sam Back that she didn't plan for. It could be the step they need. Earlier, it was business and Alex got caught up in the cold and detached. Now, she could make up for that and get them back on track.

She wouldn't push though. No, she'd be gentle and hopefully comforting in her easiness. "I wasn't down there for the whole exercise so I'm not sure what all you may have injured." Alex was softer than she would be with other recruits. "So, what hurts?"

"Head, hand, back."

"Can you explain what happened for each of them? I have to log it."

Sam nodded. "My head is from whichever asshole blind-sided me in the conference room. I knocked it a little bit when I fell too and I'm sure trying to shoulder the door open didn't help either."

She fell quiet as Alex typed up her side of things. It was only a little tense and awkward and Alex found comfort in that. Sam wasn't exactly friendly at the moment but she wasn't confrontational. Alex turned back to her for Sam to continue.

"I dislocated my thumb to be able to slip the cuffs off." Her pause was shorter, less to record. "My back isn't bad, just sore. I landed hard the first time I tried to jump for the pipe. Then, when I pulled the pipe off, I fell pretty hard but it doesn't feel like anything serious."

"I'll check it out all the same."

Sam didn't waste any words. Each one was needed to get her point across. This wasn't conversational. This was business. Alex went through the last few questions on her document then turned to Sam.

"We'll take a concussion test. I have no baseline for you but, I know you well enough that I should be able to make a pretty accurate guess. First, I'm going to check out your hand and wrap it up. The stability will help with the pain. We'll get to your back last since you think it isn't serious."

Another nod.

"Alright. Hand please. Wait, give me the other one first. I'll take that cuff off for you." Alex gave her a smile.

Sam's hand paused midair. She dropped it and brought the other up. Alex made quick work of the handcuff still clasped on Sam's wrist. It had always been one of the most uncomfortable feelings for Alex, the confinement and restriction.

"Alright, now the hurt one."

Alex was gentle as she ran her fingers over Sam's swollen hand. It was a clean dislocation. Alex would, hopefully, be able to pop it back into place easily and Sam would only have to keep it wrapped up for a week at most to get the swelling down.

"This was clean. That's good; it'll make it easier for me to reset your thumb." Sam didn't respond. Alex looked up from her hand. "Ready?" A nod. "This is going to hurt no matter what but the more relaxed you are, the easier it'll be for me and less painful for you."

She let Sam work through a few deep breaths. Then she moved quickly. She pulled on the thumb, moved it over, and pushed it back. Sam inhaled sharply and her hand tensed but that was her only reaction. Alex heard the pop that meant it set right. Sam's breathing was shallow when Alex let go to grab an ace bandage.

"You okay?"

"Fine."

"I'll be done soon." She straightened and held up the cloth. "Tell me if this is too tight. You don't want to feel it throbbing."

They sat in silence. Alex doing her job and Sam watching her hands do the work. They moved onto the concussion test. It was slow going and awkward. More talking than Sam wanted to do. Alex had a hard time gauging her diagnosis because of that but she felt confident that there wasn't any proof of any serious damage. Sam would be okay after a few days of rest.

Her back was just as Sam said, nothing serious. Just sore. The muscles were tight but again, Alex was sure that a few days of rest would take care of it. Her hand was the worst of it.

"So, um, you're good to go. Give me a call if you have questions about anything or if your symptoms get worse. Especially with your head."

"I'll be fine."

"I'm sure you will be, Sam, but it's DEO policy. And, ya know…I worry about you so if you need help, I wanna be there to help you."

"Sure Alex." Sam all but sneered as she got off the med table.

There was so much more to say. Mostly, there was so much for Alex to apologize for. This time it was different. She understood. That afternoon with their mom really opened Alex's eyes. She wasn't angry like when she picked Sam up from the precinct. She was angry then and expected Sam to be angry too. And they were but then they worked through it and they were sisters for a time. No matter how briefly that had been, Alex was hooked on it. She wanted that back. She was ready to work for it.


	46. Chapter 46

**A/N: Just wrote this and didn't proof read so please forgive me for the mistakes you find. Thanks for reading! This next week and a half will probably be a little sparse in the updating department. But last week of school! Woo!**

Maggie hit the call button then speaker on her phone, right as the light was changing. She pulled ahead as her call began ringing through. She glanced at her dash for the time as the third ring passed with no answer. It was almost seven. Sam should be home by now. Alex had said she left the DEO hours ago. No reason she wouldn't be answer.

 _"This is Sam Danvers. Leave a message and I'll get back to you."_

To the point, Maggie thought as the voicemail beeped. "Hey Sam. It's Maggie. I wanna hear how your evals went. Don't bother calling back. I'm pretty sure you're ignoring me so I'm just gonna keep calling until you pick up."

Maggie ended the call and waited a few minutes. Just in case Sam wasn't actually ignoring her, give her a chance to call back. At the next stop light, one of the many on the road she was on, Maggie hit call again.

 _Ring. Ring. Ring._ It wasn't looking good for this call either. Maggie smirked at the thought of how much she was going to get to annoy Sam. Good naturedly, of course. Exactly what they needed to progress things forward in their newly re-budding friendship. At least, Maggie hoped Sam would take it as a good natured joke.

 _"This is Sam Danvers. Leave a message and I'll get back to you."_

"Baby Danvers. You know I won't stop calling. You might as well pick up before I get home and start throwing text messages into the mix."

Another two minute wait and Maggie started up again. No answer, message. No answer, message. By the time she got home, she had left Sam three more messages.

She tried one last time before adding the texts that she had threatened.

 _"This is Sam Danvers. Leave a message and I'll get back to you."_

"This is your last chance. I'm about to get a whole lot more annoying. It'd really be best if you just called me back already. The quicker you do, the quicker this conversation can be over." Maggie chuckled to herself as she turned her lock, shouldering the door open. "And I'm home now, Baby Danvers. That means you have like 10 minutes before I can focus solely on getting you to pick up. Tick tock."

Maggie left her phone on the counter as she set to her end of the work day routine. Coat on the hook, shoes by the door, lunch box in the pantry, and her favorite mug rinsed and in the dishwasher. Then she changed and settled onto the couch. She closed her eyes and just sat there. No TV, no phone. Nothing. A moment to herself to let the day melt away.

It didn't happen near enough but often enough that Maggie didn't lose her mind. She had a bad habit of taking work home with her, like Alex. Letting it affect her moods and well-being. With her quick moment of calm, Maggie was sometimes able to keep that bad habit from happening.

The ding of her phone pulled Maggie out of her meditation-like moment. She pushed herself and walked back to the kitchen, leaning on the counter as she checked her phone.

 **-Talk to her yet? (A)**

Maggie smiled without bothering to hide it. Alex couldn't see it and so, she wouldn't get defensive about her worry. It wasn't that Maggie had never seen this side of Alex. The worried older sister. But, this was different than with Kara. Alex was more unsure, timid, soft.

With Kara it was all strong, determined, and fierce. Alex was to protect Kara. She was Kara's rock. Her role was set in stone and sure.

Not with Sam. Those two were broken on their own and when together, they were more chipped and cracked and crumbling. Neither were particularly strong or sure in their roles in each other's life. But, Maggie knew that timid and soft was what Sam needed Alex to be while Kara needed sure and strong.

 **-Trying but no go so far. I'm about to unleash the beast tho and start texting her too (M)**

 **-Oh god. Please don't make her too mad. We need good mood Sam. (A)**

 **-She'll be finnnnne! (M)**

Her inner cop kicked in after sending the text. Alex had said Sam should be home. About an hour ago.

 **-Do we know if she actually made it home? Cuz…should we be worried? (M)**

The typing ellipsis popped up. Then went away. Popped up again. Then Maggie's phone started ringing.

"Hello?"

 _"She was fine when she left."_

"Do you think I should go over and check on her?"

 _"I don't know."_ Maggie could image the Danvers Crinkle and the firm line Alex's mouth was in right now. _"I think she's just ignoring you so maybe you shouldn't."_

Before Maggie could answer, Alex was talking again. _"But what if something did happen? I mean, I wasn't able to get a definite diagnosis on a possible concussion. I'm almost positive she doesn't have one but I could be wrong and if that's the case, you should definitely go check on her."_

"Alex. Babe. Calm down. I'm sorry I even asked, I didn't mean to freak you out." Maggie chuckled, tracing a line of her counter tiles. "I'll try a few more times and if Sam doesn't pick up eventually, I'll go over there. Okay? That sound like a plan?"

 _"Yea."_

"Everything else okay?"

 _"I'm not a patient person, Maggie. This waiting to get Sam back is killing me."_

"Al, you got–"

 _"I know, I know. We need to let her be and settle and all that but I just want to fix it."_

"We'll get her back. Don't worry."

 _"Remind me again what the chances of you coming over tonight are?"_

Maggie smiled as she pushed off her elbows to stand straight. The teenage infatuation feeling was nice, better because she wasn't the only one feeling it. That clingy need to spend as much time with someone was embarrassing but nice when it was mutual. "Slim to none, babe. I need to talk Sam. Which should be done not around you, then I have a few cases to wrap up."

Alex groaned. _"_ Fine. _I guess I have some work I could get done too."_

"What's Kara doing tonight?"

 _"Hanging out with Mon-El, I guess."_

"Ew."

 _"Maggie!"_ Alex laughed on the other side of the line.

"What!?" She shrugged to the empty room. "Mon-El's cool to hang out with but I'm pretty sure he is _not_ Kara's type…or anyone else's either. Except his own."

Alex laughed. _"That's mean, Maggie."_

"Well, it's true! And, come on, I like Mon-El. Really I do but he's got a lot of growing up to do in the being a decent guy department. I will say that he's getting better. Kara's good for him. As. A. Friend."

 _"I told her to go for it if that's what she wanted. I don't think he's that bad."_

"Alex, you _literally_ called him a man-child the other day."

 _"…No."_

Maggie laughed out right at that. "You so did! He burped in the middle of the computer bay and you rolled your eyes and called him a man-child."

 _"Okay, so he isn't perfect but if he could get it together, they'd be perfect! And Kara wouldn't feel so out of place as a Kryptonian. I know he's a Daximite and they didn't really like each other but he's like her."_

"If he gets his shit together, yea. That'd be good for Kara." Maggie glanced at her microwave. That ten minute warning she gave Sam was long over. "I'm gonna go, babe. I'll let you know when I get ahold of Sam. Try not to worry, okay?"

 _"Try being the operative word. I'll talk to you later."_

 **-Last warning, Sam. You can call me or be subjected to a storm of annoyance. Texts and calls. Maybe I'll even figure out your email :) (M)**

Maggie started to place her phone back down, screen still lit up, but only got half way. A single vibration and her text notification stopped her.

 **-What (S)**

It was amazing how much disdain someone could put in a single word without any voice inflection. Maggie laughed at the one word response.

 **-You know what! Give me a call (M)**

 **-I don't want to talk Maggie (S)**

 **-Well I do so call me. You need someone to talk to about all this anyways. It's good to talk and reflect (M)**

There was no immediate response. Maggie let it go, opting for the non-annoying approach. She only needed to pester Sam into opening the conversation. She knew Sam would continue it now. Baby Danvers talked a big anti-social game but she was just as needy of personal connection as anyone else.

She smiled. Maybe a little smug. Maggie tried to keep it out of her voice as she answered her voice. "Hello?"

 _"Hi."_

"So, how'd it go?"

 _"It was fine. I passed or whatever."_

"Just fine? That's all I get? Come on now, Sam. It's the DEO. There's gotta be more than 'fine.' Spell the beans, kid."

 _"It's, uh…kind of a lot. Like we'd be on the phone for a while, I think, if I went into detail."_

Maggie's brows came together then smoothed quickly. Sam was asking without asking. Again trying that whole anti-social cover but needing more.

"Ah, gotcha." Maggie played it cool, played it off. "I'm not a huge fan of talking on the phone though. Do you want to come over or meet up somewhere?"

There was a long stretch of silence. Maggie checked once to make sure the call didn't get disconnected. Then she tried again, without thinking.

"I'm pretty sure I passed a bar over by you on my way home yesterday." Maggie pressed the side of her fist to her forehead then tapped it a few times. A bar was not the best place to take someone who you worried had a drinking problem. She thought fast. "Or, it's nice out, we could walk the bay path. I'll pick you up?"

 _"I don't really want to be inside. Can we do the walk?"_

"For sure. I'll be there in like 15. Cool?"

 _"Yea. That's cool. Bye Maggie."_

"See ya soon."

Sam hung up the phone and sighed. She was sitting out on the rickety fire escape outside her window. Her small apartment felt like that room the DEO trapped her in. The apartment was easily more than three times as big but she couldn't shake the claustrophobic feeling.

15 minutes and Maggie would be there to pick her up. Sam wasted most of it outside, refusing to go back in until she had to. Maggie's text letting her know she was out front was the cue that she had to. Sam ducked back in through her window, rushed to put her shoes on and grabbed a jacket before half jogging out of her place.

She took the lesser of two evils down. The stairs instead of the elevator. She jogged down them and was out of breath when she got to the bottom. Maggie was in her car, the engine rumbling softly, right out in front of the doors. Sam softly knocked on the window before pulling the door open. She didn't want to startle Maggie, who had been looking down at her phone. She dropped it, screen down, in one of the cup holders.

"Hey."

"Hey." Sam twisted to pull her seatbelt on. Maggie waited until it clicked home then drove away from the curb.

"We'll get to the DEO stuff when we get to the bay but other than that, how was your day?"

"It was okay. There wasn't much to it that doesn't fall under the 'DEO stuff' umbrella. I spent most of it at there."

"I was wondering how long all that was going to take. What time did you get there?"

"Ten."

Maggie glanced at Sam quickly, giving her attention as best she could while driving. "And what time did they let you out?"

"Uh," Sam cleared her throat and rubbed at the wrist of her hurt hand. Maggie's choice of words cutting close to the bone. "I'm not really sure. I think around five or six."

"Wow. That's a long ass day."

"Yea." It was ridiculous to be so shaken up. It was only a test. Sam was perfectly safe that entire time and Alex even told her she was fine. The worst of it, her thumb and that would be better in like a week. Usable in a few days.

Attempting to distract herself from the closing in feeling of the car, Sam directed the conversation back to Maggie. "What about you?"

"My day? Same old. We closed two cases. One because we ran out of leads and options. I hate cases like that. It wasn't anything super serious but still, I hate feeling like I couldn't figure a case out."

"I bet." Sam answered lamely. "What about the other one?"

"A missing persons. An alien kid and a human disappeared; turns out, they just ran away together. They had the whole star-crossed lovers thing going on and thought they could make it on their own. Local PD two towns over found them at a bus station and sent them back. They came happily. It was a little harder to make it in the real world than they thought."

"That's good though. I'm sure their parents were happy."

"Oh yea, and I think it was kind of a wake-up call. On the way out, they were talking about how the kids could still see each other." Maggie nodded slowly, sort of absent-mindedly. "It was nice to see a happy ending. I don't get many of those in the science division."

Sam didn't know what to say to that. Her social skills were better but not what they needed to be. That thought had Sam cursing under her breath.

"What?"

"Uh, nothing. I just remembered something."

"Doesn't sound like it was something good." Maggie threw another glance her way as she slowed to turn into the bay parking lot.

"No, it's just…I, I asked J'onn about when I should tell CatCo I'm quitting and he said to let them know."

"That's great, Sam! Why the cursing?"

"Because that means I have to tell like Abby, Will, and…Emma that I'm leaving."

"Who are they?"

Sam waited until she was out and looked across the top of Maggie's car. "People from work that I get along with."

"You mean friends?" Maggie smirked at her. "That's what those are, Sam."

"Shut up." Sam chuckled. "Yea, I guess, they're my friends. I don't really talk to Abby and Will much but Emma, yea."

Maggie didn't miss the bashful tone of Sam's voice or that she was staring grooves into the concrete sidewalk. Her eyebrows rose but she didn't say anything. It seemed there was more than one woman loving woman in the Danvers family.

"I'm sure you can still hang out with them even if you don't work there anymore. Especially that Emma chick if you actually consider her a friend."

"Nah." Sam waved off her suggestion. "I don't do friendships really well." She looked at Maggie before looking straight ahead. "Exhibit A."

"Yea but we're figuring it out. So, tell me about these evals."

Sam shrugged. "They started off pretty normal. I took a shit ton of tests. Like personality ones, an IQ, that ink blot one. Then I sat in the conference room _forever_ while they got the results and reviewed them. Honestly. I think I waited longer than it took me to actually take the tests.

"Then Vasquez came in and explained it all to me then told me I wasn't good enough to be an agent."

"Wait. _What?"_ Alex hadn't told her much but she did say that it went well. This did not sound like Maggie's normal definition of 'went well.'

"Yea." Sam shrugged again. "It was a test, I guess. Vasquez told me I wasn't good enough then they knocked me out."

"They _knocked you out_? I get that this is a secret government agency but what the fuck? That's messed up. Are you okay?" Maggie couldn't help her annoyance. That was a ridiculous test and completely _wrong._

"I'm fine. But, uh, I woke up in this like little room, cell place. I was handcuffed and I guess I had to get out."

"You guess?"

"Well that's what I did and J'onn and Alex seemed pretty happy about it so I assume so."

"How'd you get out?"

"Dislocated my thumb to get out of the cuffs, ripped a pipe from the ceiling and pried the door open. It wasn't really that fast or anything. I tried a few things that didn't work but that's the gist."

"Wow."

"Yea."

They walked on, starting the curve around the bay. It really was a beautiful night out. Maggie had just said that earlier to give them another option. She didn't know it was actually true.

"What happens now?"

Sam lifted her wrapped hand. "Once my thumb is good to go, I move onto the physical tests. Alex says about a week."

"You talked to her?" Maggie knew the answer but wanted to feel Sam out as far as her sisters went. She was just going to assume things with Kara were still a taboo topic and leave that question unasked. Alex, though. She came up in conversation.

"Just for the check-up J'onn made me do since I got hurt."

"How'd that go?"

"Fine since she wasn't being a bitch like she had been this morning. We didn't really talk though. She just treated me then I left."

Maggie nodded and stayed quiet. She pulled Sam to a stop at the peak of the curve. A view of the city in front of them, the lights reflecting off the water. They stood there for several minutes at the fence railing without saying anything. There was only one more question Maggie had and it would be the one Sam was least likely to answer. Her mind was also churning with questions for Alex.

Her girlfriend had been adamant about Maggie getting the details of the day from Sam and now Maggie knew why. Alex must have known that Maggie would have an earful to say about the DEO's 'test' they put Sam through.

"How do you feel about everything that happened today?"

"I think it went well. J'onn said so himself. That's good."

"No, Sam." Maggie turned to lean on her arm and face Sam. "I mean how do you feel about what happened _to_ you?"

Sam looked away from her. Danvers Crinkle in place as she thought. Or, as she refused to answer or even admit to herself that she wasn't feeling anything good.

"I feel claustrophobic." She replied in a small voice. Maggie would have reached a comforting hand out if she thought it would be well received. Instead, she relied on her words.

"That's okay. You had a traumatic thing happen to you. Even if you weren't in any real danger, you still _thought_ you were. It's okay to feel shaky or scared after that."

"I'm not scared."

"Shaky then." Maggie tried to push down her smile. That was right out of the Alex Danvers script. Right down to the tone, speed of response, and slight edge of hastily covered up doubt.

"Shaky." Sam nodded. "I guess."

"Let's start back. It's getting late and you still have to report to CatCo tomorrow, right?"

Sam nodded and fell into step beside Maggie. Her hands shoved deep into her jacket pockets. Another question made its way to the front of Maggie's mind, passed the ones for Alex.

"Hey Sam?" A hum was her answer. "Are we good? From before, when you said I only cared about Alex."

"I don't know. I guess."

"You guess? That's not exactly comforting." Maggie forced a chuckle to keep things as light as they could be. "Let me try to make it clear then. I am not here because Alex asked me to. I am not here because I think it'll make Alex happy. The only thing Alex has to do with between us is that she's your sister and my girlfriend. I'm here, trying to mend our friendship because you really are my friend. And I care about you."

"That was the big speech, huh?"

Maggie was not sure where that comment was supposed to go. She was too caught up in trying to get through to Sam. "What?"

"The 90s movie? Ya know, when the cool kid spills his guts out to the nerdy girl and then they live happily ever after."

"Right." Maggie chuckled and Sam cracked a smile, looking at Maggie for the first time since they walked away from the railing. "Yea, that's the big speech. Did it work?"

"Those movies never really had too many plot twists, did they?" Maggie shook her head. "Then, it looks like we're good."

She pulled them to a stop, a hand at Sam's elbow. "Really? All jokes aside."

Sam nodded, one corner of her lips pulled up. "Yea. Really."

The relief that filled Maggie was almost overwhelming. Because of Sam. Because of Alex. Because of her. Maggie remembered that lonely feeling. No family, no friends. No one to tie you down when things got crazy. She didn't want that for Sam.

They didn't talk anymore after that. Maggie content to not pursue any avenues of small talk. Sam would talk if she wanted to. The bay walkways were surprisingly quiet and it really was a beautiful night. It didn't need to be interrupted with pointless conversation when the silence was just as comfortable for the first time in what felt like forever to Maggie.


	47. Chapter 47

**A/N: I'm back! And that break was much needed. I was so excited to sit down and write today. I'll get my stache of chapters piled up again and be able to get back to consistent posting now that it is summer! Thanks for the patience and for reading :)**

It had taken Sam far too long to fall asleep. Each. And. Every. Night. The last couple of days hadn't given her enough but still the pull of slumber was never enough to actually get her to sleep. No matter how tired she was. That claustrophobic feeling was gone during the day. Handled and disposed but night always reached into the recycle bin, smoothed it out and gave it back.

Last night she tossed. Then turned. Thrashed around on her bed like a baby shark when the frustration of being tired but sleep being just out of grasp got to be too much. Then…then her heartrate spiked and her chest heaved because her blanket wrapped and stuck around her legs. Trapping her. Sam had flailed and pulled and pushed, scrambling out of bed and away from the blanket.

She stared at the halfway deflated air mattress as her breathing slowed. Her chest still felt tight though so she dragged the sad excuse for a bed to the window and threw it open. The air helped. Sleep inched closer after that. Just enough for Sam to pounce on it and wrangle it under her control. It didn't stay long enough.

Knocking at her door jolted her awake, heart spiking again and pulling ragged breaths from her lungs. Pinpricks of fear danced across her chest and up from her fingers into her neck and scalp. Sam looked around, confused at the silence. Blinking away the muddy sleep from her brain. She pushed herself up, wincing only slightly at the weight on her hand. The knocking came again but it only caused a slight tightening of her chest. No flinch or jump.

Sam dragged herself out of bed and went to the door. Checking the peephole, she saw Maggie, James and the corner half of a mattress. She slid away the chain lock, turned the deadbolt, and opened the door. Pausing slightly to school her features into uninterested annoyance.

"Hey Sam!" Maggie beamed, then it faltered. "Did we wake you up?"

She checked her watch and looked back to James before returning her eyes to Sam, who hadn't a clue what time it was. She assumed it was early. It felt early.

"It's past noon." Maggie filled in for her. Concern evident. Sam had done her best to keep her shaky feelings from Maggie but she wasn't as successful as she would have liked. Sam blinked hard.

She thought it was eight, maybe earlier. It felt much earlier. She tried to remember what time she had finally fallen asleep but couldn't. It seemed a half decent night of sleep _was_ possible for her. Not that it felt half decent. Sam felt worse than she had last night. The sleep deprivation catching up with her.

"Uh, yea. I was just taking a nap."

"Right." Maggie drawled, staring intently at Sam. James cut in before Sam could feel too awkward about it.

"Well, sorry to wake you but we brought you something." He lifted the top corner and let it fall with a soft thump.

"You brought me a mattress? Because that's not weird."

"It would be if you owned more than an air mattress. Which does _not_ count as actual furniture."

Maggie chimed in. "It's barely an upgrade. My aunt is downsizing and was going to get rid of it but I thought you could use it. Anything is better than that shit air mattress you sleep on. It doesn't even keep air, Sam."

"Your aunt? The one in Nebraska?" Maggie nodded. "You went to _Nebraska_ to get me a mattress?"

"Yea but, really, it's not a big deal. I had to get some of my stuff that I left there when I moved out. That's why I've been a little MIA the last couple days."

"Oookay." Sam stood in the doorway, unmoving. A little confused and uncomfortable with the idea that Maggie hauled a mattress over several states for her. Regardless of her going there for her own things. It felt like a weird thing to do to Sam.

"You gonna let us bring it in or what?" James asked.

"It's not like you can really send it back." Sam finally moved to the side, pushing to door with her to give them room. James moved to the back of the mattress and Maggie grabbed the corner he was originally at. They half carried, half dragged it in.

"Get that thing out of the way." Sam did as Maggie asked. She hoped the detective wouldn't notice her bed's position. It wouldn't be hard for Maggie to figure out why it was there. "And get all the sheets and stuff off it. We'll get your new bed all set up for you."

James, obviously feeling comfortable, pulled open Sam's fridge. He looked for a minute before pulling out a beer. "Can I have one of these? Bringing that mattress up all those stairs was more of a workout than I was planning today."

"Yea, sure. Help yourself to whatever."

"So, beer or some leftover takeout?"

It was a joke but James wanted to point it out. Make Sam aware that they were aware. That was Maggie and his plan. The reason they brought the mattress.

Maggie had needed to get a few things from her aunt's but it was all stuff that could have been easily shipped. That wasn't why she went, and asked James to go too. They drove 24 hours to Nebraska then 24 hours back to give Sam a basic necessity. And to subtly tell her that she couldn't keep barely getting by and they knew that was what she was trying to do.

"Yea, Baby Danvers. Maybe we'll take you grocery shopping today too. We got you a bed and now we'll get you some real food. You can't make it off beer and Chinese forever."

"Sometimes I have pizza or Thai." Sam answered, lightly with a smile. James was happy she wasn't clamming up. He felt like soon she would be back to the Sam he had become friends with, before that day with Alex, Kara, and their mom. Maybe it'd even be better than that. "You guys did enough though. Maybe I can get some decent sleep on this thing."

"As satisfying as a good nap is, a good night's sleep is definitely better." James agreed with a nod. "What are you up to the rest of the day?"

"I'm supposed to stop in at the DEO, have Alex look over my hand and have a follow-up concussion test. So, that then probably go into CatCo to put in my resignation."

"I'm happy for you but we'll miss you up on the 42nd. Usually we get spastic ladder climbers as mail jockeys."

"Like Tony?" Sam smiled.

"Yea." James chuckled. "Exactly like Tony."

"I won't miss it at all. No offense."

"You're much more suited for the DEO." Maggie said, leaning into Sam's fridge like James had done. He hoped the double check wouldn't bring Sam's attention to what they were doing. Then she moved onto the cabinets. "You seriously only have old takeout? I'm _starving_. I was hoping you would have some snacks or something."

"Sorry." Sam shrugged. James noticed she tensed a little with it. They were pushing too far.

"Nah. Don't worry about it." Maggie turned and leaned back on the counter. "We're both off today, just got into the city actually. Wanna get some lunch? Take advantage of your friends' off day."

"Yea, we'll buy you lunch and you can buy us a round as a thanks."

Sam glanced behind them at the clock on her stove. Then she turned back to look around her apartment. The new, and maybe for the first time, made bed. It was pushed against the wall, under her still open window. She wanted an excuse but didn't have one. They did just bring her a mattress, which she sorely needed.

She sighed. "Alright. Give me a few to get dressed and brush my teeth?"

"For sure. You do your thing." Maggie answered with a smile. Then she turned to James and they completely ignored Sam. Not in a bad way. In the exact way that Sam needed to breath and set to her task. To not feel rushed.

She rifled through her bag. It really needed to be unpacked but her only other option was to put her clothes on the floor. Sam tried not to feel self-conscious about it. She looked over her shoulder as she piled her clothes into one arm. Maggie and James were paying her no mind.

In the bathroom, she quickly pulled on jeans and a t-shirt, some socks. Brushed her teeth and pulled her hair back. She turned to leave, hand on the doorknob before she remembered she needed to put deodorant on. Even though it was sitting right beside her toothbrush holder, it was easily the most forgotten part of her mourning routine. Almost daily, Sam had to backtrack to the bathroom. It made her laugh at herself because _how_ does she always forget?

"What are you smiling about?" James asked as she walked out.

"Nothing. We ready?"

Maggie nodded. "Yea but you'll want a jacket. It's a little chilly today. The wind is coming hard off the bay."

"Alright, _mom_."

Maggie made a gagging noise as Sam walked toward the door, grabbing her jacket off one of the hooks that had already been on the wall when she moved in. Sam pulled her shoes on, kneeling on one knee. Maggie laughed. "Oh god. Please don't ever call me that again. I have a badass, cop reputation to maintain."

"You are kind of motherly." James added. He shied away with a laugh as Maggie punched him in the arm. "Ow! Hey! Okay, okay. A motherly badass! You can be both!"

"Fine but just remember that I could drink you both under the table _and_ get more ass than either of you."

"I don't think my sister would appreciate that." Sam replied as they stepped into the elevator. She took the smallest, most subtle deep breath she could. She had been taking the stairs a lot lately. The moving, metal box still felt uncomfortable to her.

"I said I could, not that I would. I'd never be that stupid." Maggie scoffed. "I enjoy living and breathing, Baby Danvers, and Alex would most certainly hunt me down and slowly kill me if I ever cheated on her. Which I would never even want to do. I don't really know why I said that because seriously, I would _never_."

"We get it, Maggie." Sam chuckled. "Chill."

Lunch was easier than Sam thought it was going to be. James and Maggie were easy to be with. They kept the conversation going, pulling Sam into it and making her _want_ to be a part of it. She had to admit it felt nice to be around them. They were her friends and she forgot that she enjoyed having them. James got the check, not letting Sam get them a round like he had suggested. Not letting either woman leave the tip either. Then, they dropped Sam at CatCo so she could talk to John. And Emma but Sam didn't tell them that was her plan. She was dreading that enough without the added attention to it.


	48. Chapter 48

The mailroom was busier than it normally was. An extra level of hustle and bustle. Sam wondered if something news-worthy had happened. That was usually the only reason the mailroom got so overwhelmed. She peered over Tony's cart, the press was housed on one of his floors. A larger than life-size cover, wrapped in plastic, was laid carefully on the top. Lena Luthor's face looked up at Sam. The calm and cool expression she was known for in the business world was captured perfectly. A column next to her read _National City's tech queen cleared of all charges. Take an in-depth reflection on how she was so easily villainized by the public._

Sam hoped Lena at least got a say in that article. Maybe it was one of Kara's pieces. Too often, Sam was finding, was Lena the subject of the press without any say or sway in what they said. They just saw Luthor and ran with it.

She wasn't given long to think it over. Tony none too politely shouldered Sam out of the way. "I need to get this up to press. John's been looking for you by the way. Now that you actually showed up, you might want to go see what he wanted."

"Thanks." Sam forced out with as little malice as she could. She watched him flurry away toward the mail elevator, getting her annoyance wrestled down. Then, she turned to find John. Who could be in one of two places since he wasn't in the mailroom.

The first place was his office. Sam didn't think he would actually be in there. He very seldom was. John was more of a hands-on type of boss. He liked to be out on the floor, seeing and interacting with his employees, helping where he could. John was a good boss. Sam felt bad for her recent performance on the job. It left a lot to be desired.

The second place, and where she found him, was on the delivery floor. She watched him move around to one sorter to the next. Offering a hand or pointing out something the worker missed. In a few minutes he would migrate back to the middle to watch the whole process. That's what Sam was waiting for. After a few minutes, she watched him set route to his middle spot and moved to meet him. He smiled when he saw her.

"Sam!" He yelled. "I was starting to get worried. How's the hand?"

She had called after her psych evals at the DEO and made up some bullshit story about hurting her hand at the gym. John had given her a few days off but hadn't been happy about it. The tone of his voice her only indication since he was nothing but polite and concerned over the phone.

She held her hand up, no longer wrapped but secured in a black brace. "Better."

John nodded. "Let's go to my office."

He yelled to another worker and handed off his clip board to him. Then, he waved Sam to follow him out. She did so and the walk to his office was quiet. Not normal for John. He was a talker. Anything from small talk to sports and his plans for the day to the deep personal stuff.

"Go ahead and take one of those seats." He told her as he held the door open for her, closing it once she was past. "So, how did you say your hand was?"

"Not 100% but a lot better. Thanks."

"Of course, of course." John replied as he took a seat. "I'd ask when you'd be back but that's what I wanted to talk to you about."

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about too." Sam gave a half smile and John replied with a quiet 'ah' and another nod.

"Well, good." His hands came up in a placating gesture. "Not that I want you gone or anything. I actually think you've done a bang-up job on those top floors. All those employees up there always have great things to say about ya. But, you are significantly past our off-day limit. I was going to talk to you about resigning so I wouldn't have to fire you. Sounds like I don't have to."

"No, you don't. That's why I was coming in today. I'm really grateful you gave me all those days off but I know what the rule is. I didn't want to keep putting you in a position to bend the rules for me. And, uh, I got a new job lined up."

"Really?" John smiled, leaning back and more at ease than before. "That's great, Sam. Where at?"

"Oh, uh…" Sam thought fast. "Uh, doing security for a private firm. They're super lowkey. I doubt you would have heard of them."

Not the truth but if looked at vaguely enough, not a lie either. Sam was quite proud of herself for that answer. She'd have to remember that for when other people asked her.

"I doubt so too. I don't know much about the private security sector but that sounds like something that's much more your speed. I'm glad to hear it."

"Thank you. I am too. And, uh, I did enjoy my time here, John. I don't want you to think I'm ungrateful or anything. CatCo has been real helpful getting me back on my feet and I'm sorry I was so…um, unprofessional, I guess, this past week or so. That was not my intent."

"No, I know, kid. It's alright. Sometimes things happen that you can't help." He nodded at her braced hand.

"So, what happens now? Is it a two weeks' notice type of thing or am I just done?"

"Well," John drawled out, bringing his hands up to steeple over his stomach. "Given the nature of your new job and that hand of yours, I think we'll let ya be done. And, I do mean it is just because of your hand. We usually go with two weeks but you need to heal up. It's nothing to do with your performance here or anything like that."

"I understand. Thank you."

John stood and Sam followed. He reached his right hand out then chuckled and let it drop. Sam smiled at him as he now offered his left hand for her to shake. It was awkward but it would have hurt if they went with the right. "I wish ya all the luck this city has to offer, Sam. If you need anything, you let me know."

"Thank you, sir. Good luck to you too."

Sam felt more melancholy than she thought she would leaving John's office. She had only been at CatCo for about two months but she was going to miss John, and CatCo if she was being honest. It had helped her get her feet on the ground and she was grateful for that, like she told John.

Her stomach bottomed out as she thought about where she was headed next. Part of her wanted to chicken out. Do the asshole thing and just not say goodbye but Sam knew she needed to talk to Abby, Will, and Emma. The latter more than the other two.

Luckily, at least in Sam's mind, both Abby and Will weren't at their desks. Sam was able to scrawl a decently long note to each of them. Thanking them for helping her out in her first few weeks and being nice. Part of her wanted to say that she'd see them around. She almost wrote that she definitely would since Kara was still at CatCo but she didn't. The thought of Kara sparked that fire of anger and stoked it higher than the dull light Sam had been keeping it at. She rolled her eyes at herself and signed the notes. Putting one on Will's desk and the other on Abby's.

One last stop to make. Emma. Sam absently picked at the side of her index nail with her thumb in the elevator as she thought of what she would say. She was torn again. Part of her wanted it to be quick. The other part wanted Emma to drag it out and give her a hard time and make her promise to not be a stranger. Her conflict was decimated as the doors slid open, Emma looked up and beamed at Sam.

"Hey there, stranger."

Sam smiled as she crossed the elevator lobby and stopped in front of her desk. "Hey."

"Where you been? I've had to deal with _Tony_ all week. You know how much I loathe him and his ambition." Emma mocked a gag that made Sam laugh.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I, uh, hurt my hand and haven't been able to come in."

Emma's eyes dropped to the braced hand laying on the top of her desk. "Wow. That looks semi serious. What'd you do?"

"Dislocated it at the gym…lifting and stuff. Ya know."

"I'm not big on the lifting and stuff so no. I do not know. It sounds painful though. Are you okay?"

Sam shrugged and brushed off the concern. "Yea, I'm fine. I should be able to take this thing off in a few days. Just a little sore and I can't really use my hand to lift anything heavy."

"Right, makes sense." Emma placed her elbow on her desk and leaned her chin into her hand. "What brings you in today then? Here to see Kara?"

"No." Sam answered sharply. She let her eyes close just longer than necessary.

"O-kay then. Noted. I will not bring up Kara."

"Sorry. I didn't mean that. I'm just…not here for her." Sam reached up and scratched her neck. "I'm actually here to see you."

"Oh?" Emma drawled, batting her eyelashes. "Lucky me. What can I do for you?"

"Yea. You can, uh," Sam chuckled awkwardly, "just listen. I wanted to tell you that I just quit."

"Oh." Emma lost all the playfulness to her voice. She frowned and looked legitimately disappointed. "Why?"

"I got another job. Private security firm. Nothing crazy but more like what I used to do."

"I guess that's good. It's not like you really liked it here, right?" Sam shook her head. "I'll miss you though. _Especially_ if Tony is the one to move up."

Sam chuckled. "I'm sure he will."

They hit a lull in the conversation. Sam wasn't sure what to say and Emma wasn't helping her out. A few seconds went by. Emma looked at her then down at her screen and back again. Sam racked her brain for _something_ to say.

"Thanks for coming to tell me. I would've been pissed if I found out from someone else. You should…stop by and visit sometime. Okay?"

"Okay." Sam smiled and braced her hands on the edge of the raised platform of Emma's desk. "Um, so, I'll see ya later then."

"Bye Sam."

It felt final, the way Emma said it. Sam didn't answer verbally. She gave a wave then turned for the elevator. She knew she wouldn't visit and she had a feeling Emma knew that too. They barely knew each other when Sam really thought about it. Two months of fragmented conversations that never lasted more than ten minutes.

The elevator doors shut, cutting off the brief eye contact Sam had made with Emma. She looked up right before the doors closed and Sam felt like maybe she should have stopped the doors and went back in, made a more definite attempt at remaining friends but she didn't. The doors closed and then she was on the bottom floor, walking out of CatCo and hailing a cab towards the DEO.


	49. Chapter 49

Alex jumped at the knocking on her lab doorframe. Enough that she knocked her slide off the microscope and it came apart, exposing her sample. "Fuck." She mumbled under her breath. She whirled around to death glare whichever agent didn't follow the 'do not disturb Agent Danvers in the lab' rule but stopped short when she saw Sam.

"Sorry." Her sister mumbled, eyes going to the split slides then back to Alex. "I was trying not to scare you."

"It's fine. Don't worry about it." Alex shifted to face Sam. "What's up?"

"Shouldn't you, like, clean that up?"

"I'll get it in a minute. What brings you in?"

"J'onn called and said I should come in for a follow-up."

"Oh." Alex tried to remember if J'onn mentioned that to her. Not that she could remember. Which meant no. He didn't. Which also meant that J'onn was probably meddling. Sam had no real reason to come back in for a follow-up.

Her hand was mostly fine, just needed rest. Alex was positive she didn't have a concussion so no further action was needed for her head. Sam was fine. She kept her features neutral, mentally smiling though. Space Dad to the rescue it seemed like.

"Alex?" Sam asked, looking a little confused, uncomfortable, and annoyed.

"Yea, sorry. Just a little distracted today. Take a seat." She waited as Sam did so. "How have you been feeling?"

"Mostly fine. My back is good and my head too. Just the hand now."

"Lemme see." Alex held her hand out, waiting for Sam instead of just reaching for it like she would with any other patient. Sam took off her brace and placed her hand in Alex's. "Is it feeling any better?"

Sam winced as Alex pushed on a tender spot. "Yea. Still sore but I can move it more and it isn't as, uh, intense as before."

"That's good." Alex ran her fingers over the thumb joint and around Sam's wrist. Checking the swelling and what kind of motion Sam could tolerate. "Everything feels good. I think a few more days of rest and you should be good to go. Are you still doing the exercises I gave you?"

"Yea."

"Good. Keep doing those but other than that, take it easy."

"Got it."

"Now, your head. Any trouble sleeping or with noise or light?"

Alex noted her hesitance to answer. It was very slight but enough to cue Alex in. "No."

"That was a long pause just to answer no."

"Had to think about it."

"The noise and light or the sleeping?" Alex remembered how she felt after the cell test. The first night afterward she felt claustrophobic and tense, jumpy. Had she not been so single-mindedly determined to become DEO than Alex had no idea how long that would have lasted.

Another pause. Sam looked away. Her jaw clenched. Alex watched Sam shift through the feeling of not wanting to answer. "Sleeping."

"From your head?"

"I don't think so."

"Any ideas?"

"It'll pass. I'll be fine."

"Yea, you will be." Alex let the conversation flow the way Sam wanted it. "Let me know if it doesn't. I'm sure we can figure something out to help."

"Got it. Anything else?"

"No. You can go, Sam. Everything seems like it's getting better."

Alex wasn't just talking about Sam's bumps and bruises. Sam was less hostile than their first med bay experience. She wasn't exactly warm and fuzzy but Sam never was. Baby steps.

"Thanks." Sam said, getting up and leaving. No look back or real goodbye but Alex would take it. She reminded herself like a mantra, baby steps.

A little more time and they could try for Operation Get Sam Back. Right now, she had other things to worry about. Like thanking J'onn for having Sam come back in. And, telling him that they could handle it and he shouldn't worry or meddle.

She also should let him know that Sam only needed a few more days. Alex was excited to see what Sam could do physically. She had seen her disarm that robber. Maggie had told her about Sam's containment adventure at the station. She knew that Sam had been working out pretty hard but what the DEO was going to ask her to do was completely different. It was more along the lines of _Ninja Warrior_ than the Olympics. Time would tell but Alex had a good feeling.


	50. Chapter 50

"Hey. You know what we should do? We should hang out with Sam."

"What?" James ducked under a punch. He was sure he misunderstood what Winn just said through his ear piece.

"Watch your 6." James shield-bashed the man in front of him and turned just as his friend tried to charge James. The Guardian easily stepped out of the way and kicked the man in the back. "But, yea. You said she's getting back to normal and Kara's super worried about her. I think it might help if we, like, hang out with her or something."

"You." James backhanded the first man with his shield then walked over to his friend, zip-tying his hands. "Want to hang out with Sam? The one Danvers who might actually hate you."

"Yea. It might be cool. We had that moment at the bar when we all met Maggie as Alex's girlfriend. I think I'm growing on her."

James grabbed his jacket to pull him over to his friend. He tossed him down and then zip-tied both their feet, and the first man's hands. "Call NCPD, let them know we left them a present."

"Roger, roger." Winn answered. James listened to him as he did as asked. He walked the half block to their van. He slid the door open and climbed in just as Winn was hanging up. "I'm serious though, dude. I wanna help Kara and Alex. I think this might do that."

He shrugged heavy in that over-exaggerated Winn way. His shoulders staying by his ears. James sighed as he took his helmet off. It could help…or, it could go very wrong. Winn was right when he said that Sam was coming around to the idea of liking him but that was before the great Danvers explosion. Who knew how she'd feel now?

"Couldn't hurt to try, right?"

James sighed again. "It could hurt very much but I think there's a bigger chance it'll help. I'll text her tonight and see what she says."

"Alll _right_." Winn beamed and his hand shot up for a high-five. James smiled and smacked his hand. Winn was ridiculous but his heart was in the right place, and he was James's best friend. He'd do almost anything the guy asked.

"But! We get to do three more tonight."

"Lyra is not gonna be a fan of that but I'm down. Fair trade; and, it looks like we have a mugging on East 54th and Coffman."

James pushed his helmet back on his head. His altered Guardian voice echoing in the small van. "Lead the way."

Sam was jolted out of her comatose state by the aggressive vibrating of her phone on the kitchen counter. She pushed herself up from her new bed. Her _very_ comfortable new bed. It might be that she hadn't slept on an actual mattress in months but it was the best feeling. Sam didn't care that it was an old mattress. That thing felt like a cloud.

 **-Winn and I are gonna go up to the bar tomorrow, boys' night. Wanna come? (J)**

Sam narrowed her eyes at the text. It felt weird for some reason. And why was James asking if she wanted to hang out with Winn? Sam had to admit that the last time she saw him she was a little warmer. He might be reading more into it than Sam would like.

 **-Boys' night? I'm not sure I check the box for that one (S)**

 **-We'll make an exception. We do for Maggie when she comes out with us (J)**

James, Maggie, and Winn hanging out together, without Alex or Kara, painted an odd picture. Sam wondered what they talked about. Alex and Kara? That wasn't really fair though. Her and Maggie didn't only talk about Alex.

 **-Is Maggie gonna be there? (S)**

 **-I haven't asked but I could? I think wed. are their date nights tho (J)**

 **-Nah. Don't bother (S)**

 **-Is that a yes? (J)**

Sam thought. It might be nice to hang out with James and Winn. She hadn't been able to see James much. Not with her days off from CatCo and the avoidance of the core of the super friends. Winn really wasn't that bad either. She _had_ been warming to him.

 **-Yea. When and where? (S)**

 **-Awesome! (J)**

 **-Let's shoot for 8 at the reg place. Cool? (J)**

 **-See ya then (S)**

James answered with a thumbs up emoji. Good idea or not, Sam bit the bullet. She'd show up. Hopefully this wasn't a trap. She rolled her eyes at herself. So dramatic. It's not like it would be the end of the world if she showed up and Alex and Kara were there. She'd just leave. And, anyways, James wouldn't do that. Winn maybe, but James wouldn't let him go through with it.


	51. Chapter 51

Eight o'clock rolled around but Sam stayed lingering in the alleyway. She had mocked herself yesterday for dramatically thinking this was a trap but now she couldn't shake the feeling. Even if it was Wednesday date night for Alex. Sam really felt that she would walk in and straight into Alex and Kara. She didn't want that. She wasn't ready for that. Them together felt too heavy.

"Get it together, Danvers." Sam muttered to herself. "You've faced down terrorists. You can handle your sisters. Ya know, if they're even in there."

Without giving too much thought to the fact that she was talking to herself about a hypothetical situation, Sam made her way down the alley and into the bar. She hesitated in the doorway. James and Winn weren't at the normal table near the pool tables. She scanned the bar and saw them, sitting with their backs to her. Sam let out a breath. No Alex or Kara anywhere she could see.

Sam pulled herself together. Squaring her shoulders and giving her chin a slight tilt. Quickly turning into the cocky asshole she exuded whenever she could. They didn't need the broken sister and she was sick of feeling like that.

"Gentlemen." She greeted, sliding onto the barstool next to Winn.

"Hey-yy. What's up, Baby Danvers?" He smiled wide and put his hand up for a high-five. Sam didn't move. She just stared at him.

"The only one who gets to call me that is Maggie, and only because I can't get her to stop. Don't even try it."

"Right." Winn's mouth went into a tight line and he gave a long nod. "Got it. Won't happen again."

Sam cracked a smile. "But otherwise, not much. What's up with you guys?"

Decision made. To be normal and 'one of the guys' for the night. It wasn't easy. It wasn't like Sam flipped a switch and suddenly she was social and normal and felt comfortable but that didn't mean she stopped trying. She joked with Winn and threw darts with James. She attempted to drink them both under the table. James was an easy victory and Winn deceptively held his own. Sam was surprised but still victorious.

That's how their night went. A few awkward pauses. A few too many bad jokes. A lot of drinks. More surprising than Winn's drinking ability, Sam had _fun_. More than she had in a long time. Being with Maggie was fun, when her, Alex, and Kara were good, it was fun but this was different. James and Winn didn't expect anything from her. They let Sam be. A lot like Maggie but Maggie didn't really let Sam drink anymore and _that_ was _fun_.

They stumbled out of the bar, laughing. Winn kept trying to sling his arm around Sam's shoulders and Sam kept trying to shove him off. Neither found much success. James, much more sober than the other two though not that sober, fussed behind them. He tried to steer them in a straight path. Huffing and hauling them upright whenever Sam and Winn veered one way or the other.

"You're going to kill each other."

"Nah. Just chill, Jimmy." Sam leaned to look over her shoulder and pulled Winn with her. They pitched backwards then jerked forward. Both laughing.

"Don't call me, Jimmy. I'll start calling you Baby Danvers if you do."

"Noted. Now, get off me, Winn." Sam slid out of his embrace and two-hand shoved him away. Winn stumbled but stayed up right and laughed.

They walked out of the alley and turned right, toward James's apartment. "What happens if there's a, uh, _Guardian,"_ Sam's stage whisper was not very quiet. Winn slapped her arm.

"Dude! _SHHH!_ You can't just be saying stuff like that all loud."

"Okay, yea. Sorry, but seriously. What do you do if there are…those…kinds of problems but you're out and drunk?"

"I'm not the only defender of National City, Sam. There's still Supergirl and, ya know, the cops. And the DEO. The city's covered."

Sam grimaced at the mention of Supergirl. Stupid Kara; that was the last person she wanted to be thinking about. Unfortunately, drunk Sam didn't think about the fact that she had an audience to her emotions.

"What's that face for?" Winn asked. He poked at Sam's cheek and squinted his eyes at her. "You look like you just drank warm beer."

"Nothin." Sam slurred a bit.

"It's something."

"Yea, what's up, Sam? You can talk to us." James added. Sam thought about it. Maybe she could but she reminded herself that these were still Kara's friends first. She wouldn't bitch about her sisters to them. It wouldn't turn out well.

"Nah. Really, it's nothing. I just, like, burped and it was gross. Kinda like warm beer."

"Oh, nasty." Winn's face screwed up in disgust. "Dude, that's the worst."

Sam fell silent after that. She was content to listen to James and Winn. They laughed and joked as all three stumbled down the streets of National City. Thoughts of Kara, and by extension Alex, sobered Sam. More so in mood than actual blood-alcohol level. She was drunk enough to miss them without being angry. The anger was there but so were all the other emotions she didn't let herself fell. They outweighed and covered the anger.

Things like longing and hurt and broken. More than anything she felt small which is why she didn't let herself feel these things all at once. Anger she could handle. Sam was _good_ at anger. The other stuff? Not so much.

Luckily, James and Winn were drunk enough to not pester her any more. They made it up to James's apartment and Sam mumbled a lame excuse about being too drunk and tired, then she flopped on the couch and pretended to be asleep.

Sam's favorite part about being drunk, even if it did bring up unpleasant feelings, was that she didn't have to lay in bed overthinking. Alcohol put her out. She didn't have to pretend to be asleep long. Ten, maybe fifteen minutes and she was out. Just long enough to hear James and Winn getting settled to follow her lead.

The next morning, Sam slipped out before James or Winn were awake. A sloppy, hand-written note explaining that she had 'errands' to run that morning. Her head throbbed with a hangover but not even close to the worst she's had. It was manageable, even when the sun glared into her eyes once she was outside. Worse than the hangover was the leftover feelings that hadn't left with the alcohol in her system. Sam still felt longing and hurt and broken and small.

She set a brisk, powerwalk pace back to her apartment. It was a long walk and she hated every step but she felt better once she got to her place. Not emotionally but her head was only plagued by a vague pressure in her temples.

Sam chugged a glass of water, popped a few painkillers, then jumped in the shower. She flexed her hand as she let the water spray on her. It was sore. She had tried to go without her brace last night. Wrong move. Especially while drinking. When the water started to turn cold, Sam dragged herself out and got dressed. Then, she laid in bed, going through the exercises Alex gave her for her thumb.

They were mindless. Flex her hand this way, roll her wrist that way, make a fist and hold it, splay her fingers wide and hold it. Side to side waves, forward and back gas peddles. Sam's mind wandered to Alex. She wondered what Alex thought about all of this.

Was she relieved that she didn't have to deal with Sam anymore? Did she miss Sam? Could Alex really want to go back to how it was before? The rational part of Sam was pretty sure Alex did miss her and wanted to be a family. The insecure part knew that Alex was relieved and happy and hated Sam. Good riddance and all that.

Then, as it always was, Kara came to mind. It was almost impossible to think of one of her sisters without the other one tagging along. Sam wondered if it was the same for Alex or Kara. Did they think of her without meaning too?

The worst part about thinking of Kara was the guilt that followed. Alex was right when she said protecting Kara was the legacy left behind by their dad. Alex had embraced it. Sam rebelled against it. That didn't mean she always felt good about that decision. Sam was also well aware that Kara is what they made her. And by they, Sam meant her dad and mom and Alex.

Her family made it all about Kara so how was Kara supposed to know any better? And really, Sam had to admit that Kara could be a whole lot worse. She was caring and kind and loyal. Kara did the right thing as much as she could. Kara was strong and determined and smart. Sam liked Kara. They used to get along pretty well back before she left for Howe and after Alex went to college. They had this unspoken agreement to be there for each other. They hadn't talked much but Kara was there for her and Sam was there for Kara. Those two years were like a _Twilight Zone_ episode. A complete reverse in how they treated each other.

Guilt. Hurt. Broken. Small. The longing for her sisters that seemed to just grow and grow no matter how much Sam wished it would wither and die. It was getting to be too much. Sam quickly changed, shoved her feet into her running shoes and took off. Maybe a long run was what she needed to clear her head. Get back to what Sam was good at: anger.


	52. Chapter 52

**A/N: This is set a week after Sam going to the bar with James and Winn. I'm trying to write a chapter a day (to stay a steady 3 chapters ahead of my posting) so that I'm able to post daily. I may miss a day or two here and there but I solemnly swear to do my best. Scout's honor, cross my heart. It should be** ** _much_** **more frequent than last month. Thanks for reading!**

The Luthor case was over. Lillian had disappeared. The paperwork was finished. Things were slowing back down at the DEO and Alex was beyond grateful because she was _exhausted_. She had barely the time to see Kara outside of work and Maggie she only saw when Alex trudged in and collapsed into bed at night. But tonight, it'd be more than a sleepy kiss hello and good night. Tonight, they could have dinner and relax together and actually go to bed at the same time.

Alex moved around her kitchen. She opted to cook for the night. No takeout, no premade oven dinners. Actual food that she was actually going to cook. It was probably going to be a disaster but she wanted to try for Maggie. Who should be off any minute and heading over. Alex checked the clock as she bent to put in one of her baking sheets.

That exact moment her sauce pan boiled over. Red sauce overflowing down the sides and the lid trembling in its place from the steam.

"Damnit." Alex shot up, kicking the oven closed on her way up. Her first instinct was to grab for the lid. Which she did. And burned her hand. " _Fuck_."

She grabbed the towel next to the stove top and grabbed the lid as she turned down the heat with her other hand. There was red sauce, quickly burning on the hot surface, on the stove and what was left in the pot looked a little suspect. "Well fuck."

"I think this is the most colorful dinner show I've ever seen."

Alex whirled around. Pot lid still in hand and sending a few drops of sauce around her kitchen. "Maggie. You scared me." She laughed a little after the initial shock wore off. She hadn't heard her come in. "And yea. I don't know why I thought this was a good idea. My mom wasn't kidding when she said I couldn't cook."

Maggie smiled at Alex as she shrugged her jacket off. "Have you talked to her yet?"

"No." Alex turned back to clean up the mess she made. "And I don't think I will until Sam comes back around."

"As long as you do eventually." Maggie's voice was much closer now. Alex turned slightly to see her leaning on the counter. "Is there anything I can salvage over there?"

"I think so. The sauce is DOA though." Alex placed the pan in the sink and turned the faucet on to let it soak. She turned back to Maggie with her arms wide then letting them drop back to her sides, "My kitchen is yours Chef Sawyer."

Instead of jumping into dinner, Maggie walked up to Alex and lifted her arms back up. She slid into them. "I'd rather you just be mine. The kitchen doesn't have to be included."

"Good thing I already am then, huh?" Alex laughed a little. "You're such a dork."

"I know but I wanted a hug before you put me to work."

Alex tightened her arms and nuzzled into Maggie's shoulder. She really wasn't going to complain about this. Maggie could have as many hugs before cooking dinner as she wanted. They really didn't even need to have dinner. They could just move on to other, more exciting things.

Maggie had other plans though. She pulled away, pecked Alex on the cheek then turned to survey the disaster of the kitchen. Alex hit the faucet off, the reddish water overflowing the pan and leaking down into the drain.

"I swear things were going well until the sauce exploded."

"Babe. Exploding sauce means that nothing was going right."

"Pfft. Yea, well, it was fine."

Maggie chuckled as she started to move around the kitchen. Alex settled at the island, after pouring a glass of wine for both of them.

"This is nice."

"Yea. It is." Maggie answered with her back still to Alex, a dish towel thrown over her shoulder.

They chatted as Maggie prepped their meal. Got into the deeper stuff once all there was left to do was wait while things cooked. And it really was nice. Exactly what Alex needed.

They moved to the dining table once the food was plated. The silence while they ate was easy and relaxed. Neither woman felt the need to interrupt it. Both were content to eat and steal glances and smiles. Alex quickly did the dishes when they were done; Maggie sprawled out on her couch.

"Scoot." Alex nudged Maggie's side with her knee. Once enough room was made, she got comfortable on the couch too. Maggie laying half on top of her. "What are we watching tonight?"

"I think the Lakers are playing."

"Please don't make me watch sports."

" _You_ asked what we were gonna watch. I was just giving a suggestion." Maggie rolled to her side to look up at Alex. "It'll probably be a good game too."

"Mags, I don't even like sports and I know the Lakers suck this year. It probably _won't_ be a good game."

"Fair enough. What's your vote then?"

"Nothing crime related. Or sci-fi. My real life already has enough of that."

"And that leaves…?"

"Something funny; like _Modern Family_ or _The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt_."

"I vote _Modern Family_."

"Vote passed. Put it on, babe."

"Season three, right?"

Alex nodded. They bickered a little over which episode exactly they left off on. They tried Alex's guess first but it turned out that Maggie was right. Alex rolled her eyes at Maggie's smug smile as she exited the first episode and went to the next.

"Oh, shut up."

"I didn't even say anything."

"You didn't have to! That face says it all." They both laughed then fell silent as the episode started: Luke's old man friend, Walt, dying, Phil trying to have a special day with his daughter, Alex, and his other daughter, Haley, trying to throw a party all while Cam and Mitch had their fathers over for dinner. It was funny but hit a chord for Alex. Not the old man dying but a father trying to be a good dad to his daughter.

Instead of letting the queue go to the next episode, Maggie exited the whole thing once the credits started to roll. She sat up and looked at Alex. It was uncanny how she always seemed to know.

"You okay?"

"Yea. It's just different than before, now that we know he's out there somewhere. It like a new wound again and seeing all that dad stuff just hit harder than I expected."

Maggie gripped Alex's hand but didn't say anything. The floor was Alex's to continue or stop, whatever she needed. Alex wasn't sure which it was though so she just let her words flow. Do as they wanted, go where they wanted.

"Our dad was like that. How Phil wanted to give Alex a special memory with him. Before Kara, we had a Dad Day; usually Sundays. Dad would take us to a Sharks game or a Dodgers game if it was a special occasion. Sometimes it was just to the park and for ice cream or a movie marathon or day at the beach. Anything as long as it was us and him.

"Then Kara came and Dad Days stayed the same except we had Kara with us. We went to more museums and specific parks or sightseeing in the city. It was less about spending time with Dad and more about acclimating Kara to Earth."

Alex hadn't thought about Dad Days in a _long_ time. Not since she was fifteen or sixteen. Not since she realized it only gouged her hurt deeper to think about the good days with him.

"Sam loved it though. You probably wouldn't believe me but she used to be all about being the center of attention." Alex smiled at the memory of a very different little sister.

"No way." Maggie was the picture of disbelief. Brows scrunched and lips pressed together, trying to hide a smile. It probably was funny to try and picture the grumpy, ready to rumble Sam as a little kid who got excited and easily liked people.

"Pretty much every little kid is like that but Sam definitely loved the attention. Enough that she would set aside the fact that she had to share it with Kara just so she could point out things at the museum that she knew about or show Kara how to use the equipment at the parks. It was sweet." Seven-year-old Sam running along and pulling Kara behind her and beaming when their dad would tell her she was right or add to the story Sam was telling. It was so long ago and so far from where they were now that it didn't feel real.

"Do you think they'll ever get back to that?"

Alex nodded. "I hope so. Kara keeps telling me that her and Sam found common ground when I left for college but it used to seem impossible to me. Maybe not though. They got along before Mom came into town, right? That's gotta mean something."

"They did." Maggie agreed.

"How is Sam?"

"I was gonna ask you the same thing." Maggie leaned into Alex's shoulder, resting her head on her shoulder. "She said she was going into the DEO for a check-up with you."

"She totally didn't have to. That was J'onn trying to help."

"Did it work?"

"Kind of." Alex reflected on her med bay encounter with Sam. It was better so, technically, yes, J'onn did help but how much of that was J'onn versus time passing?

"Physically, how is she?"

"Good. Definitely no concussion and her hand should be okay by now. She called in to schedule her physical evals so she, at least, thinks it's good to go."

"When are they?"

"Tomorrow."

"Good luck to Sam. How do you think she'll do?"

"Hurt or not, Sam will be fine. She's in shape. She's had similar training from the Army so there aren't many things that will surprise her and throw her off. It all just depends on how _well_ she does. It makes a difference in the DEO, determines where you start."

"Wouldn't she just become an agent? Or are there like separate levels of agents?"

"Officially, we're all just agents but certain teams are comprised of higher ranking agents. That's why I train so often. We are constantly tested and re-evaluated so that we are all assigned to teams where we can do our best work.

"And, the teams are assigned certain jobs so I barely have to do recon but those who are on recon teams don't have to be on the front lines. Like I usually am. It's actually kind of complicated, Mags and I don't mean that you won't understand, just that it's a lot and I don't really want to explain it."

"No, you're good. I don't think I'm up for all that learning right now either." Maggie chuckled.

"Your turn, how is Sam? She's still not giving me any more than she needs to."

"She's okay. I think she's coming back around more and more. James told me him and Winn got her to go out with them last week."

"Really? Wow."

"Yea." Maggie nodded. "I know. I was surprised too. He said she left before they got up in the morning but she left a note so it wasn't like she just disappeared. They had a lot of fun, I guess."

"That's good. That's what Sam needs, I think."

"I think so too. Other than that, the same old. She quit CatCo and James and I took her that mattress from my aunt's."

"Thank you for that."

"I didn't do it for you, babe, but you're welcome."

Alex shifted out from under Maggie's weight. Now she sat perched on the edge of the couch. "I know you didn't but still, thank you. Whether it's for me or not, I really appreciate that you're there for Sam. It makes it easier for me to be patient with all of this because I know she has you."

Maggie leaned forward and brushed Alex's hair back, trailing her hand along her ear and down her jaw. She let her palm rest on Alex's cheek.

"I really think it's all gonna be okay, Al. It's not like when she was staying with you. It's better and I think it's all because this is on her terms now. She's not letting us in because she feels like she has to. It's more like she wants to. Just give her a little more time."

Alex didn't have time to respond to that. Her phone was aggressively buzzing to life on the coffee table, the pinging she had set for work accompanying it. She snatched it up.

"Danvers."

 _"We need you at headquarters ASAP. We have a situation."_

"I'm on my way."

Alex jabbed the 'end call' button, looking at Maggie. She didn't have to say anything or make up an excuse. Maggie shooed her away as she settled back against the couch.

"Duty calls, Danvers." She smiled. "I'll be here when, _if_ , you get off."

Alex leaned forward and kissed her. The last attempts at dating Alex had, she was constantly making up excuses and spouting apologies left and right. She would never be able to express to Maggie how grateful she was that Maggie understood and accepted what Alex did.

"Bye." She whispered as she pulled away. She didn't get far as Maggie's hand curled around the back of her neck and pulled her in for another kiss.

"Be safe."


	53. Chapter 53

**A/N: We are onto 'Mr. & Mrs. M' now! Woo! We're almost to the episode that made me start this whole crazy journey. I will most definitely go through the whole season. Maybe give ya a little closure with my own twist since we don't get Jerimiah any more this season and I doubt you guys want me to wait until the next starts to finish this up. My brain has decided I don't need sleep and as a result, I have been having all these crazy ideas! Hopefully they all work out. That said, just like with 'Luthors', our timeline won't follow ****_Supergirl_** **to a tee. I think you'll all like where I take this.**

Sam laid in bed wide awake. Her alarm was due to go off any minute but she had woken up hours ago. A good nervous streaking through her veins. She felt ready for today.

A mood that was quickly souring with the incessant buzzing of her phone. Not her alarm. A text notification. One call and voicemail left.

It was Valentine's Day. A holiday that Sam didn't despise, though she would say it was stupid if asked. But, she kind of liked it. Sam liked the idea of having a special day to do extra nice things for people. She had never looked at it as a day that was _needed_ to show love for loved ones.

It had always been a day she spent more than a couple minutes on the phone with her mom. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Valentine's Day were always a special phone call day for them. And, her mom usually sent a card. Not this Valentine's Day. Sam knew there would be no card. She hadn't exactly left a forwarding address with Alex when she left. There wasn't going to be a phone call either. No matter how many times her phone went off, Eliza Danvers was not someone Sam wanted to talk to.

So, Sam did what she has gotten very good at throughout the latter half of her life. She ignored and dodged and pretended she was a stonewall. Today was easier. There were DEO physical evaluations to prepare for. Sam got out of bed. Sam got dressed. Sam stretched.

The NC rail was mostly empty. It was early but not early enough for the railcar to be so deserted. Her evals had been scheduled early on purpose. Sam hadn't wanted to wait around all day, getting nervous and psyching herself out.

Early or not, the DEO was buzzing. Unlike the NC rail. No Alex but Kara and Mon-El were flat out arguing in the middle of the DEO main floor. Kara was raising her voice about not being a damsel in distress and Mon-El retorting that she couldn't turn it around on him. Sam had meant to ignore them both but those damned feelings from the other night with James and Winn were still lingering. She hadn't been able to rouse enough anger to drown it all out.

"Back off, Mon-El. Kara doesn't need you." Sam snapped as she walked by. Not slowing or even looking in his direction. It brought Kara's retort to a stuttering stop.

"Wha– Uh…yea. _Yea!_ "

Sam didn't bother listening to whatever she said next. She made a beeline to J'onn. He was, as always, wide-base standing in the middle of the computer bay looking over his agents.

"Morning, J'onn."

"Ah." He looked at Sam, confused. "Sam. I didn't realize you were coming in today. Have you spoken with Alex?"

"No, sir. I'm supposed to be in for my physical evals, right?"

"No. I asked Alex to call you before she went home this morning." He crossed his arms over his chest then brought one hand up to his chin. "She must have forgot."

"No eval, then?"

"I'm afraid not. We had a situation arise last night that needs our immediate attention. I apologize for making you come all the way down here for no reason."

"Nah. It's okay. Nature of the job."

"Right you are." J'onn smiled at Sam. "I'm afraid I have to ask you to leave, Sam. We're in a code five. No civilians on the operations floor. I'll have Alex call you when she comes back in so we can reschedule your evaluations."

"Yes, sir. Good luck with your code five."

Sam made her way promptly from the computer bay. Up the stairs and part way across the raised platform before a large hand wrapped around her bicep and pulled her to a stop. Sam's eyes first dropped to the hand holding her in place then slowly up to its owner. Mon-El quickly let go but didn't lose his troubled expression or even apologize.

"What did you mean when you said 'she doesn't need me'?"

"She's fucking _Supergirl_. If you're in her life, it's because she wants you there." Sam let out a harsh laugh. "You're delusional to think otherwise and I'm not even trying to offend you. She doesn't _need_ anyone to do anything for her."

That didn't seem to soothe Mon-El. His ego was too caught up in the not needed part. Sam had a feeling that this was all part of something bigger, deeper. Some facet of their not really but kind of budding relationship.

"I gotta go, Mon-El. Don't worry that pretty little head of yours too much."

An entire day was left. No plans, no responsibilities. Sam thought briefly on going to visit Emma at work; maybe take her some coffee. That idea was quickly discarded. Just playing that scenario out in her head made Sam feel uncomfortable. Whatever chemistry they had at CatCo, whether it was platonic or more, it was gone now. The realization came with a twinge of disappointment.

The responsible thing to do, when unemployed and trying to ace her evals to get a job, was to get a workout in. Sam was only too happy to oblige, running away was her greatest skill. Be it from others or her own feelings. And, it gave her a chance to throw some weights around and see how her hand felt.

Sam stretched again, going with a more yoga-esque routine. Slow and deep and relaxing. Sam ran. Sam lifted and was surprised that she was only mildly uncomfortable when losing her right hand. It was better than she had hoped. The worry she was harboring for her DEO physical evals dissipated. Sam ended her workout with another run. She pushed herself faster and farther than she had been the last few weeks. Her lungs were burning and her legs were Jell-O but Sam felt great.

The light coming into her apartment from her fire escape window and the awkward rectangle-bar window in the kitchen seemed brighter. The air in the apartment seemed lighter. Sam was very plainly in a good mood. Something that hadn't seemed possible for more than just a few months. She wasn't sure what was causing it, if anything the scheduling mishap should have had the opposite effect, but Sam wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Shower and lunch were quickly finished. Sam was saved from searching for something else to fill her time by her phone. Alex's contact lighting up her screen. Knowing it was DEO-related, Sam picked up quickly.

"Hello?"

 _"Hey Sam. It's Alex."_

"Hey."

 _"I am_ so _sorry I didn't call you this morning. I was at the DEO all night and it completely slipped my mind. I swear I'm not usually this unorganized."_

"I know, it's cool. Are you calling to reschedule?"

 _"Yes. J'onn said you quit CatCo so is it okay to assume that any time works for you?"_

"Sure. I'd prefer earlier in the day so I can get it over with."

 _"I totally get that. I'm the same way. Waiting around all day just makes me overthink and freak myself out."_

"Same."

The line was quiet for a moment as, Sam assumed, Alex looked for a time slot for Sam's evals. Then a soft rustling noise had Sam thinking Alex was writing.

 _"Okay. I have Saturday at ten. That sound good?"_

"Yep."

 _"You're in the system so we're all set. I'll see ya on Saturday, Sam."_

"Uh, Alex?" Sam paused. Not sure if she wanted to ask her next question. Those pesky feelings though. They wouldn't leave and they were making words spill out of Sam's mouth too easily.

 _"Yea?"_

"J'onn said something about a code five? I don't really need you to tell me what that means but is everything okay? Like…uh, are you good?"

Alex hesitated and Sam didn't really like that. There was no real way to know how to interpret it. _"Yea, Sam. I'm good. Thanks for asking."_

"Yea, no problem. So, uh, see you Saturday."

 _"See you Saturday."_

Sam set her phone down on her kitchen island. She looked around her apartment from the stool. No idea what to do with herself. CatCo had kept her so busy and what little free time she had was spent with her sisters or James or Maggie. Or working out and Sam already did that. She could sleep? That seemed like a waste though.

No TV. No books in her apartment. No wifi so she couldn't even surf the internet on her laptop. The whole spartan style had a few more drawbacks when she actually spent more time in her apartment doing things other than sleeping.

Eventually, Sam did fall asleep. Not on purpose. She had moved from her stool to her bed only because it was something to do and then staring at her walls got the best of her. When she woke back up, it was dark out. Sam looked blearily around the room then slid her hands around her sheets until she found her phone. After six and half as many texts waiting to be read. All from Maggie.

 **-I don't do this but I'm freaking out**

 **-Sam? Please. I need you to talk me off this ledge before I do something incredibly stupid**

 **-You know what? Nvm. And not cuz you aren't responding. That's totally fine. I'll handle this. It's cool. Sry to bug you**

The first two were separated by two minutes then the last didn't come in for another fifteen. All were from about an hour ago. Sam was quick to respond now that she was aware.

 **-Sorry. I was sleeping. What's up? (S)**

It took a few minutes for Maggie to text back. Sam could just picture her dragging it out. Not wanting to respond too quickly. Keeping her badass cop façade.

 **-Nothing. I'm cool. Don't worry about it (M)**

 **-You just reassured me three times in one text that you're good. That means you aren't. You always make me talk to you. Your turn (S)**

The next text was quicker. Maggie giving in. Sam briefly wondered when she became the type of friend that listened and comforted people. It wasn't exactly something she never did but it wasn't normal either.

 **-It's Alex (M)**

 **-And? (S)**

 **-She surprised me with valentine's day stuff (M)**

Sam couldn't follow it through text. Maggie was freaking out about a surprise? A _Valentine's Day_ surprise? Usually that was a good thing in relationships. At least as far as Sam knew. It didn't make sense. She jabbed the call button and waited for the pick-up.

 _"Since when do you make calls?"_

"Since I have no idea what the fuck you're freaking out about."

Maggie sighed. _"It's stupid. I told her this morning I hate Valentine's Day but she still went out and got me tiramisu and scotch and other stuff I like. I made myself perfectly clear that I_ don't _do this stupid holiday. She didn't listen."_

"Is there a reason you want to burn Valentine's Day to the ground or are you just a grinch in general?"

 _"Remember when I told you I was outed?"_ Sam hummed her affirmative. Maggie had told her back at the bar when she first walked away from Alex's. _"Well, it was Valentine's Day related."_

"Did you tell Alex that? She's pretty much always a bitch to me but she's cool about that shit for other people. She'd understand. And, probably feel bad that she pushed it on you."

 _"Yea, I did. Like an ass and then stormed out; and like, I'm not mad anymore. It was actually really sweet what she tried to do but I couldn't let go of my Nebraska baggage that doesn't even matter anymore and I made her feel bad about it. How fucked is that?"_

"You're human, Maggie. You get to be a bitch sometimes too. You just have to apologize for it. You guys'll be fine. She thinks you like fart butterflies or some shit."

Maggie didn't even acknowledge Sam's bad joke. _"You think that'll be enough?"_

"Yea. Alex has never really needed the grand gestures. She might like it if you did something big but you don't _need_ to. An apology would be fine."

 _"Hm. Okay, I'll keep that in mind. I'll stop by the DEO tomorrow and apologize."_

"You good?"

 _"Yea, I now I am. You're good at this, Sam. Maybe don't count yourself out when it comes to feelings and other people."_

Sam scoffed. "Yea, right. You were already calm by the time we got on the phone. I didn't really do anything. Just told you that Alex isn't always horrible."

 _"You know for a fact that she's barely ever horrible."_

Sam didn't answer. Her first instinct was to get mad. To yell and tell Maggie she had no idea what she was talking about. Her gut, though, told her that Maggie was speaking the truth. Could Alex be god awful? _Hell yes_. Was she awful for no reason? No. Sam had always given her at least one. They'd been instigating their encounters for so long that it was easy to forget that when they were trying, they were good. Sam sighed.

"Whatever you say, Maggie."

 _"Yea, yea. You can admit I'm right some other time. I'll cut you some slack since you just helped me out."_ Sam rolled her eyes at Maggie's smug voice. She could imagine the self-satisfied smile her friend was sporting right now. _"Any V-day plans yourself? Wait, do you even like Valentine's Day? Alex liking it was outta left field for me. I feel like I can never assume anything ever again after that."_

"You know what they say about assuming." Sam shrugged even though Maggie couldn't see her, moving onto Maggie's question. "Our mom always made a big deal about it. We grew up viewing it as a day to show extra love, not one day to do nice things. I don't really know if that explains it but it's a family thing. Stupid but not the worst holiday out there."

 _"Nah. That makes sense. It's just still surprising that the badass Danvers girls are Valentine's Day nerds. But you didn't answer my original question, any plans?"_

"No, Maggie. No plans. I'll probably go for a walk, get some dinner, then crash."

 _"I'll let you get to it then. I need to eat and crash too. Thanks again, Sam. I owe ya."_

"No worries. Night."

Sam did just as she said. A long walk down to the boardwalk, along the docks. Then back toward her favorite Chinese takeout place. Sam stopped by her apartment and grabbed her laptop before getting food though, taking advantage of the wait for her food and the restaurant's free wifi. She downloaded _Dope, Jurassic Park, Jaws, IP Man, Reservoir Dogs,_ and was halfway through _Underworld_ when her food was finally done. Sam wouldn't be lying if she said that specific Chinese place wasn't her favorite because of their ridiculously fast and free internet.

The walk home was quick. Sam opted to change into PJs before crawling into bed with her takeout and laptop. She ate and watched _Dope_. Her first taste of more than a piece of pop culture since she was living with Alex.

The thought of falling asleep after her nap seemed unlikely. Regardless, Sam was out only minutes after setting her containers on the ground next to her bed. The stress of being angry at her sisters and alone, the nerves surrounding the DEO all melted under her first real day of relaxation. It was what she needed, right when she needed it. That claustrophobic feeling was gone. Sam hadn't even noticed its departure from her conscience.


	54. Chapter 54

Alex paced the DEO. Maggie watched her, not sure what to do. There was nothing she could do. Kara was off at the Fortress of Solitude getting rid of the fifth dimensional guy. By herself. By way of agreeing to marry him.

Mon-El had rushed in with the news about an hour ago. He had been desperate for Alex or J'onn to do something. J'onn hadn't been happy to hear of Kara's plans but he explained that there was no way into the Fortress if Kara sealed it. Not a gambling man but he said he'd put good money that she had. Specifically so no one, like J'onn and Alex, could stop her.

The mood around the DEO was somber. No one knew what it meant for Kara to marry this interdimensional being. Could she stay in National City? Could she still be Supergirl? Alex seemed to be answering no for both those questions. Danvers Crinkle out with a vengeance as she paced. One hand resting on her holster.

"Alex," Maggie started. To say what? No clue but she had to try.

"Oh my god." Alex stopped and looked at Maggie, who was now wide-eyed and curious at whatever Alex was about to say.

"What?"

"I have to tell Sam." Alex's shoulders slumped.

"Couldn't you wait? Maybe see what happens before we let her know."

"No." Alex shook her head, pulling herself back together. Agent Danvers showing through but Maggie was coming to see the subtle difference of between the agent and Alex's strong big sister persona. "Not after we didn't tell her right away about Dad. I need to tell her now. I won't make that mistake twice."

"Okay."

Alex hesitated after she pulled her phone out. She looked around then back at Maggie. "Will you come with me?"

Maggie nodded. She would have loved to take Alex by the hand as she followed her to a conference room but she didn't. Not at the DEO. Instead, Maggie flashed her best comforting smile when Alex turned away from the now closed door with big doe eyes full of worry.

They stood in silence as Alex dialed Sam then waited for her to answer.

"Hey Sam."

"No. This isn't DEO-related. Well, not really."

"I need you to hear me out."

"It's, uh. It's Kara actually."

"Sam, wait. _Please_. I know you don't want to talk about Kara and it's not about that. I promise but…Sam, seriously. Just listen."

" _Sam!"_ Maggie was surprised Alex raised her voice. She couldn't imagine what Sam was saying on the other line. More than Alex's raised voice, she was surprised Sam was even still on the line. "Something happened and I need you to listen to me. This isn't the time for our family bullshit."

Alex took a deep breath. Her eyes staying connected to Maggie's. "The other night, this guy showed up. He's from another dimension and came to ours because he wants to marry Kara. She said no but he started causing trouble. Mon-El came to the DEO and says that Kara agreed to marry him at the Fortress of Solitude. We don't know what happens once she marries him. We don't know anything."

Silence enveloped the room. Maggie was sure the line was silent too. She wondered what Sam thought about all this, how she was reacting. Maggie thought she had Sam down at this point in their friendship. She thought she knew her pretty well. The broken little girl that fueled the bristle and thorny armor Sam put on wasn't really Sam. Maggie was sure there was more in there. That's how Alex was and both sisters needed to heal to better be themselves. Alex was already on the way.

"I don't know." Alex looked away from Maggie then. Ashamed that she didn't know whatever Sam just asked.

"No." Alex's eyes narrowed. "No."

Now Maggie was really curious. This conversation was much more than what either of them expected.

"Okay. Let me know if you see her or hear from her, okay? We have no idea what happens after the Fortress…Bye." Alex hung up and took a deep breath.

"What'd she say?"

Alex smiled. Worry still colored the edges though. "She's pissed as hell Kara would do something so stupid. Exact words, Mags."

"That's kind of awesome! Shitty situation but that's a step in the right direction."

"I know!" Alex slipped her phone into her back pocket and sat down. Maggie stayed on her feet but leaned against the table next to Alex. Close but professional enough for work. "At first, Sam was an ass. She didn't want to talk to me and got even more bratty when I told her I wanted to talk about Kara."

"But then she listened?"

"And got upset that Kara was doing something so insanely stupid."

Alex's excitement over Sam was overcome by her worry for Kara. Maggie felt for her. There just wasn't anything an NCPD detective could do when it came to an interdimensional being eloping with her girlfriend's sister. Even with her science division experience, this was a little out of her wheel house.


	55. Chapter 55

**A/N: I'm pretty well stocked on pre-written chapters and I also just finished writing Sam's evals. I'm pumped about it. So, I decided to double post today to help with my excitement. That last one was kind of short anyways. Thanks for reading!**

Stupid fucking Kara. That's all that had been going through Sam's head since Alex called and told her what was going on. Leave it to fucking Kara to put National City on her shoulders and agree to something so overwhelmingly idiotic!

Sam sat on the floor next to Kara's apartment door. She could go in. She still had the key Kara gave her a few months back but Sam wasn't sure she even wanted to be doing this. This, being confronting Kara about her decision to be a fucking moron. It's been an hour since Sam got there. No Kara but no decision made either.

Her head thudded back against the wall. It was confusing inside her head. Sam had so many mixed feelings and thoughts. They all zoomed and crashed and jumbled together.

She had been _pissed_ when Alex said she wanted to talk about Kara. Immediately, Sam thought Alex was being her typical self and trying to do…something stupid. She wasn't really sure to be honest. Just that it felt like Alex trying to mend her and Kara or defending Kara. Then, Sam was _pissed_ Kara was marrying that fifth dimensional asshat and wouldn't let anyone help her.

Sam had immediately been worried about Kara. Alex said they didn't know what was going to happen. The _DEO_ had no idea what would happen to Kara after marrying that prick. Sam doubted Kara had any idea either. It was a rash decision that was _so fucking stupid_.

It didn't seem to matter that Sam was mad at Kara. Nor that she hadn't wanted to talk to Kara in weeks. Sam's heart and head were content to confuse her with worry and concern.

She heaved a sigh, much too dramatic for no audience, and got up. Sam let herself into Kara's. She hoped she'd get there soon. It was uncomfortable to be in her sister's home when they hadn't been on speaking terms. Sam wanted to yell at Kara, tell her she was a _fucking idiot_ , then leave. That was it.

The wait wasn't short. Over an hour for sure. After that, Sam wasn't too sure how long she really waited. Eventually, though, Kara came floating through her oversized window.

"Sam? What are you doing here?"

"You're an idiot." Sam said instead. She stood from the couch and walked over to Kara. "You are such a fucking idiot. What in the world were you thinking, Kara?"

"Mon-El told you?"

"No. He told Alex who told me."

"Oh…Well, it's not even that bad! I wasn't going to marry him. Really! I just said that so I could get him to the Fortress. Then, I sealed it and threatened to kill myself if he didn't leave. That's one of the three things he can't force me to do; drink orange juice, marry him, or kill myself." Kara counted them off on her fingers. Not bothered a bit that Sam was fuming. It only boiled her blood further. "In this case, _not_ kill myself but still. You get it."

"'Not that bad'? Kara?! You're so _fucking stupid_. You don't have to do shit like that! Ask for some fucking help. _Accept_ help. How could you even think that almost killing yourself isn't 'that bad'?"

"But I di–"

"No. Don't. Because I'm sure it was a really fucking close call before he realized you weren't kidding. What would National City do if that stupid-ass dimensional dude let you kill yourself? Or _Alex._ What in the absolute fuck would Alex do? God Kara. You don't get to do shit like that.

"This wasn't a one for the many situation. This could have been solved without the fucking theatrics. A real hero makes sound decisions. She accepts help and doesn't go rogue. A real hero isn't a fucking idiot who scares the shit out of her family."

"You were–"

"Of course, I was worried about you. I fucking grew up with you. It's not like I really had a choice; and, this doesn't change anything. I still don't want anything to do with either of you. I only came because we both know Alex won't say any of this and it needed to be said." Sam let her glare stand on its own for a moment. Then, she added, "You need to tell her you're home."

With that, Sam turned heel and left. She said her piece. Kara was safe. She was inside her apartment, unharmed and unmarried. Sam could go back to hating her now.

She shot a text to Alex. She wasn't sure when Kara would get around to it. If she even would. Sometimes she was forgetful and Alex was probably still freaking out.

 **-She's home (S)**

 **-Good. Thanks for the heads up. How is she? (A)**

 **-Fine (S)**

There was a brief pause. The typing ellipsis popped up then went away. Popped up again.

 **-Did she come see you? (A)**

Sam thought about how she wanted to respond. She wouldn't lie but did she want to admit how worried she had been? It was likely Alex already figured it out anyway. And, Kara was going to tell her.

 **-I waited for her at her apt. I yelled at her then left. Don't make a big deal out of this (S)**

 **-I won't. See you Sat (A)**

Alex would. She was probably thinking this meant that they were on the 'road to recovery'. To Sam's surprise, maybe dismay, she didn't really care. It didn't bother her for Alex to think that. Maybe she could even admit that she kind of missed her sisters.

Not that things could just go back. Sam still had issues to sort through. They all had shared issues to sort through. There was a lot to do. But, if Sam could put in the effort with James and Winn, maybe she needed to put in the effort with her family. At some point. Not any time soon. The idea made Sam a little stressed and overwhelmed.

First, though, Sam had to close the deal with the DEO. She could afford to deal with her family issues once her physical evals were taken care of. That was her priority.


	56. Chapter 56

**A/N: Friday and Friday night in our story for this and the next chapter. For my angsty peeps, I can only do unhappy for so long. And, I don't know how to explain the weird feeling of wanting to forgive your family even if they suck. It's like a 'united we stand, divided we fall' mentality. People aren't perfect and Sam wants her sisters back because she got a taste of what it's like when they're good. They'll be working through it. It won't be smooth but they will reunite. Deal with it, angsty peeps. Thanks for reading!**

 **PS - I always love reading all the reviews. They're always really nice and I've gotten a few ideas from them (they'll pop up later) but yesterday I got two that really made my day! So thanks, dstowe123 and spitefire2355. I've gotten a review or two in the past that were similar and thank you to everyone who takes the time to review but those two just stuck with me yesterday. Thanks for the reviews and thanks for reading and I'm glad you all are enjoying this! It's been a lot of fun to write :)**

It was a normal day. Just a normal day that was going to go normally. At least that is what Kara told herself. It really needed to be a normal day that went normally. Normal was the worst case scenario. Well…the only worst case scenario that she could deal with.

Kara paced the reporter bullpen. She had too much nervous energy to sit still, much less get any work done. Her morning had been productive. That nervous energy was channeled into proofing her latest article rough draft. It had quickly drained into useless though, after Alex called to double check that they were still on.

This was the day, well night, that they were putting Operation Get Sam Back into motion. Alex and Kara were going to go over to Sam's and try to talk to her, try and apologize and get back into the swing of being sisters. It made Kara nervous that Alex was so nervous. It was ahead of schedule. Alex said that Sam's reaction to Kara's solution to the Myxy issue was promising. It was an opening they hadn't been expecting.

She could hear it in her sister's voice when she had called. Alex's normal tone was shaky and she asked Kara over and over if she was clear on their plan. She never did that. One affirmative was usually enough. There was no reason to be so redundant about it. Unless Alex herself wasn't sure. Kara wasn't. She felt unprepared.

"Ponytail." Snapper barked. His eyes were pacing back and forth with her, his scowl set and deep. "If you do not stop pacing, I am going to fire you. Don't you have some lead or _something_ to be doing?"

Kara stopped and tapped the side of her glasses to right them on her nose. "Uh. No, not really. I submitted my final draft to you this morning and you haven't assigned me anything else."

"Then leave. Just, leave; do anything, I don't care, but stop pacing."

"Okay. What, uh…"

"Be gone, Ponytail. I told you I don't care."

There was no sense arguing or trying to ask again. So, Kara left the bullpen. She found her way to L-Corp. Up the elevator and past Jess. Kara wasn't even sure what her reason for visiting was going to be. She always had an excuse to tell Lena. It was better that way, than saying she was just stopping by. That was kind of weird in Kara's opinion.

"One moment." Lena called out, distracted and sucked into her computer screen. Only responding to the sound of her door opening. Lena had no real clue who had just stepped into her office.

She tapped away at her keyboard furiously. One eyebrow just slightly raised like she was glaring the numbers into submission. Kara didn't quite discount that possibility.

Kara didn't mind the wait. It was entertaining to watch Lena work. Kara physically shook that thought from her mind, took off her glasses and cleaned them with the edge of her sweater.

Not what she needed to be distracted with at the moment. Well, technically, yes. She did come to see Lena as a distraction but not anything along those lines. It was weird to enjoy watching your best friend type some numbers into a computer. Completely weird. Even on Krypton that would be weird.

"Kara!" Lena beamed as she looked up. It was always amazing how genuinely excited she seemed to see Kara. It was nice. "Did we have a lunch date?"

The smile faltered as Lena looked down to shuffle papers away from the calendar on her desk. No doubt searching for the 'KD 12' that marked each of their lunches together. Kara quickly stepped in. Eager to get the concern from Lena's face. She wanted that smile back.

"No, we didn't. I hope it's okay that I just stopped by!"

"You are welcome in my office whenever and for whatever reason. I thought I made myself perfectly clear on that front."

"You did but, just…I know how busy you get. I hate feeling like I'm a distraction."

"Kara. Please." Lena got up and extended an arm to her couch. Kara lead the way over with Lena only a step behind her. "You are the furthest thing from a distraction. If anything, the knowledge that you are prone to stop in keeps me focused so that I can enjoy a break if, or when, you do stop by. It's like motivation to stay busy!"

"Really? You're not just saying that?" Kara couldn't help the slight whine to her voice. This Sam situation, and admittedly Mon-El, had her feeling insecure and needy. Hearing Lena say that she wanted and enjoyed Kara around felt nice.

"Never." Lena's tone was playful but Kara believed her. "Now, tell me what brings you by today. You seem distraught."

Kara sighed dramatically. "It's my sister."

"Alex?"

"No. Sam."

"Right, yes. Sam. I know I've met her a few times and, really, I find her company extremely entertaining but it still slips my mind from time to time that you have another sister. I'm sorry."

"No. It's okay. It's, ya know, kinda understandable. Especially right now because she's not talking to us so Alex has this whole big plan to get her back and we're doing it tonight and I'm just really nervous. Sam and I…it's complicated.

"We have baggage and she resents me a little and I so do not blame her but it keeps causing problems. I don't want problems anymore. I just want my sisters and I want to be a family. I wish we could do that without all this other stuff getting in the way."

"Kara." Lena tried to keep her smile encouraging, or maybe comforting. Whatever she was going for it was thinly veiled because Kara could see right through to the amused grin. "Dear. Calm down."

Kara was distracted enough with her Sam problems to ignore the way her stomach fluttered at the term of endearment that so easily fell from Lena's lips.

"Remember to breath in between sentences. You aren't Supergirl, you need air."

There was no amount of distraction to keep her stomach from doing something ten times stronger than flutter at that statement. Kara did her best to keep her hands from fidgeting or reaching for her glasses. Instead, what came out was a decidedly nervous chuckle and a few inarticulate words that would have been brushing off the Supergirl comment if they had any form to them.

Lena chuckled but gave Kara a moment to compose herself. Her green eyes were bright today. Playful and at ease. Kara liked that look best on Lena.

"Let me see if I got all of that," Lena started, "You and Alex are trying to get Sam to start talking to you again but you're nervous because you and Sam, exclusively, have baggage."

"Right."

"I'm the wrong person to ask about this." It was a joke but self-depreciating. Kara tried her best to not let Lena get away with those.

"It's not your fault though. Your family is…"

"Complicated?" Lena suggested with a turn of her head and eyebrow raise. Kara nodded. "That we are. Still, I'll try my best to help you with yours."

"Thanks Lena."

"Of course. Now, go ahead. I'm all ears."

And boy, did Kara go ahead. There were aspects of their story that Kara didn't share, the Kryptonian-specific details, but otherwise, she let it all go. From first meeting Sam to their first fight. Their good years while Alex was away at school. Sam at Howe. She gave the abridged version of their reunion. Lena knew most of the details about that.

"One of you only need be a super powered evil genius and you would be on par with Lex and I." Lena commented lightly when Kara finished. Kara tried her best not to tense at the super powered aspect. She hated not telling Lena about being Supergirl but she couldn't. J'onn and Alex said so. No one was allowed to know unless they needed to know.

"If you go in wanting to fix things and make sure to give her the space she asks for, I think it will all be fine." Lena continued. "You're a good person, Kara. Just go with your instincts and you can't really go wrong."

"But what if I do?"

Lena shrugged. "Then you apologize and try again. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes, that's part of being human, but how you handle making mistakes makes all the difference. I don't think Sam will continue to hold anything against you if you tell her what you just told me."

"I guess not." Kara couldn't keep the frown off her face. Lena leaned toward her and took one of Kara's hands in both of hers.

"Kara. I promise that things will turn out okay. Just try not to worry too much. I'm not used to that frown on your face and I don't think I like it."

And like magic, Kara couldn't help the smile. She gave a quick squeeze to Lena's hands. "Thanks."

"What are friends for?"

"These such occasions but I still owe you one. I'll buy next time we get lunch."

"I won't say no to free lunch. No matter how much money you make, free things are always still the best!"


	57. Chapter 57

Kara felt lightyears better after her visit with Lena. Despite Snapper's warning glare drilling holes into the back of her head for several minutes when she first got back, she was even able to get some work done. Half her mind was constantly aware of the clock though. A subtle countdown to what felt like D-day.

Kara couldn't help the negative thoughts that plagued her when she thought of their plan with Sam. She hated it. Sunny Danvers couldn't keep hold of a positive thought long enough to even make herself temporarily feel better.

When five rolled around, she was all nerves. She told Alex she would meet her outside of Sam's apartment. Which they only knew its location thanks to Maggie and James. Otherwise, Alex and Kara would have no idea where to even start looking.

Except. Kara could pinpoint Sam if she really had to. Super hearing and all that but Kara only invaded other people's privacy like that if she really had to. Or. If they were named Lena Luthor and were constantly in danger because of her name and Kara had to constantly check in on her to make sure she was okay. It was completely rational. Not weird.

Alex had a DEO SUV parked on a side street, where Kara met her. Inside were several IKEA boxes that they had picked out for Sam. It was their peace offering. Furniture and apologies were what they had to offer. Kara hoped to Rao that it was enough.

"Okay. So, here's the plan: we take this all up to her. Knock on the door. Apologize and present to her our sorry gifts. Hope like hell that this works."

"You don't sound very confident, Alex."

Alex met Kara's eyes. She opened her mouth to say something then closed it. "Honestly? I'm not. I hope this works and it might but you know how Sam can be. She's unpredictable. But, instead of thinking about how this might not work, let's just go try it. That's at least productive."

"Lead the way." Kara replied, hefting three of the boxes into her arms. She'd take four but they were awkward to carry and it would look more than a little weird to people who didn't know she was Supergirl to be carrying so many one handed.

Alex grunted as she picked up the remaining boxes and once it was settled in her arm and on her hip, grabbed the small toolbox she kept in her apartment. Kara tried not to ramble as they made their way in and to the elevator. She couldn't help it though. Words just tumbled out of her mouth. About _nothing_. Just noise to fill the silence and attempt to keep Kara's nerves at bay.

It was only making it worse for Alex though. Kara could see it. The set of her shoulders tightened, her knuckles whitened with her grip on the box. Alex's eyes flitted around the elevator control panel. When the doors dinged open at the floor Maggie told them, Kara fell silent.

"We got this." Alex said mostly under her breath. She mouthed the door numbers as they passed them. A long sigh escaping her as Alex stopped in front of what must be Sam's door. She repeated herself, "we got this."

Alex set her boxes on the floor and let it lean against the wall. She met Kara's eyes and gave a quick nod before knocking on the door. They waited but no answer.

"Should we knock again? Maybe she isn't here."

"No. She's here." Alex answered. Her features setting into determination. Kara instantly knew that if Sam didn't answer, they'd stay all night trying. Alex wouldn't let tonight be chalked up as defeat.

She knocked again. Slightly harder this time. They waited. Right as Kara was sure there would be no answer, a very unamused looking Sam answered the door. She didn't say anything. Kara smiled even though she knew it looked as unsure as she felt. Lena's advice, that good intentions have weight, played through her head.

"Hey Sam." Alex smiled. It looked a little nervous too but she pushed through it. "We, uh, got you some stuff! Maggie said that you were missing a few things so as part of our apology, we picked them up for you."

Alex faltered. Talking to Sam in that moment was kind of like talking to a wall. She didn't even blink, just stared at them.

"Because we are. Sorry, that is. We pushed all of this on you and then weren't there for you when you needed us to be. Like with Mom. So, can we try again? We'll both be better."

It was the same speech, almost verbatim, that Alex practiced on Kara last night. Sincere but rehearsed. Kara prayed that Sam heard the sincere more than the rehearsed and that she remembered that Alex was, in fact, a nervous wreck when she wasn't on duty.

Sam still said nothing. Alex's eyes darted away from their sister to Kara. She gave a subtle shrug and tilt of her head toward Sam.

"Yea. We're _really_ sorry, Sam, and we know that we have a lot to work on but we want to. We want you back in our lives and we wanna be in yours. We really miss you."

"Is this because I came to your apartment?" Sam asked. Her eyes narrowed a touch. "I told you that didn't mean things would change. _Especially_ between me and you. Just because I don't want you to die doesn't mean I want you around. I thought I made that clear."

"No. Uh, you did." Kara tried to not let that hurt. Sam had been clear and Kara had been so ready to give her more time. It was just that Alex was so sure. She started to look down, away from Sam but from the corner of her eye, she saw Alex bristle.

Kara disguised a restraining hand on her shoulder as a gesture to switch focus to Alex. "What about Alex? Can she stay?"

"Kara, no. We're all doing this or–"

"I think you should stay." Kara looked at Alex, really letting her eyes get her meaning across. This could be their foot firmly in the door. She looked back to Sam. "Please let her stay."

Sam didn't answer Kara. She simply walked away from the door, without closing it. Kara pushed Alex in. A little harder than she may have needed to but Kara wasn't sure that Alex was going to go in on her own. She put her boxes down right inside the door. Not going far into the apartment. She was trying to respect Sam's privacy and home but it was far enough to see that Maggie hadn't been exaggerating. If anything, Maggie and James had been kind in their description of Sam's apartment.

"Okay. Well…see ya."

Alex watched Kara leave. Her heart breaking for her sister. Kara's voice was so defeated and _sad._ A very large part of her wanted to rip Sam a new one for being such a jerk. The rational side of Alex knew that Kara was right. That a long time ago when Maggie told her not to fight Kara's battles with Sam, she had been right. Kara was a big girl, a super powered girl, who didn't need Alex's protection against their little sister. Alex needed to focus on her own relationship with Sam.

When the door closed, Alex turned to Sam. She was sitting on the edge of her bed. Just a mattress on the floor. They had a remedy for that.

"So."

"Yea." Sam answered before laying back.

"We, um, got you a bed frame." Alex turned and squatted down to read the labels on the boxes. "It has drawers built in."

Sam didn't sit up but she did shift, letting her chin drop to her shoulder to listen to Alex with eye contact. It was at least some acknowledgement. Alex pulled the box over to Sam's bed. It was all part of a set. Neither she nor Kara knew what Sam would like so they got something modern and simple. A deep, rich brown that was pretty standard in furniture.

A bed frame, a side table, two more stools to accompany her one. They had gotten her a set of shelves but Alex hadn't really been able to say why. Sam didn't have a lot of stuff. It just seemed like a good idea at the time. Everyone needed shelves, right?

She put the side table box near the bed, pulled the shelves toward the awkward middle of the room that was reserved for a living room area that Sam wasn't using for anything at the moment, then she took the stool boxes over to the kitchen.

"I'm not putting all this together by myself so you better get off your ass and help."

Alex crouched down to dig through her toolbox. She was going for a normal but also gentle approach to Sam. Alex demanded help but now was giving her the space to process that demand. That was as gentle as it was going to get. None of it felt normal. She continued to rummage through until she heard Sam opening one of the boxes. Alex smiled and stood up, screw driver and ratchet in hand. Sam was getting into the bedframe first.

They built in silence. The only conversation was to ask for a tool or if one of them had seen a specific part. Sam asked a few questions on following the directions. It was awkward and tense but the sisters were trudging through it.

Once they finished the bedframe, they flopped the mattress onto it. Sam threw her pillows back onto it and her blanket, which Alex was surprised to find was a quit. They were simple. Kind of plain. The sheets gray, her pillow cases white with a gray line design. Her quilt was striped gray, white, and blues.

She saw Alex looking at it. "It was on sale."

"It's pretty. I just didn't peg you as a quilt girl."

"Like I said, it was on sale."

Alex didn't really believe Sam though. At home, in Midvale, their mom had always gotten them quilts for their bedding. Alex hated it, and by extension so did Kara. Thinking back, Alex couldn't remember Sam ever complaining about them.

"Why don't we tackle the side table and shelves next. I'll do the shelves and you get the table?"

Sam shrugged. "Sure."

Another long stretch of silence as they began working. Alex felt like things were good. At least, as good as this was going to go. Sam had let her in, even though she didn't let Kara in. She hadn't kicked Alex out yet. But, there was an itch like Alex should try harder. Give Sam something more.

She took a deep breath. "Hey Sam?" Her answer was a grunt. "Have you talked to mom lately?"

"Nope."

"Me either. Not since brunch."

Sam was quiet a moment before asking, "Why not?"

"I don't know. I didn't really like how she was acting. I sort of yelled at her after you left."

There was no answer to that. Alex stopped putting the shelves together and turned to face her sister, one knee resting on the ground to help steady her in her new squatted position. Sam was staring holes into the cheap IKEA wood as she fumbled with the parts and put them together. Her hands weren't as sure as Alex knew them to be.

"I should have said something to her before you left and I'm sorry I didn't." Still no answer. "And I'm sorry that I haven't been on your side. Since then and kind of always. I won't give you excuses for why I wasn't. Just…I'm sorry, Sam."

The silence seemed to solidify. Sam didn't even acknowledge that Alex had said anything. Her hands didn't stop moving to put the side table together. Not until her hand slipped trying to fit a screw in. Alex watched her take a shaky breath.

"I can finish this by myself." Sam started, busying herself with a part of the table that didn't require the screwdriver. "You should head out."

"Sam–"

"It's getting late and I have those evals. Really, Alex. Just go."

"Okay." Alex stood. Her head nodding uselessly. "Okay, yea. You're right. I'll, uh, see you in the morning."

She didn't push Sam any more. It was obviously too much in one night. The _first_ night. Alex couldn't help it though. She needed Sam to understand that it was real this time around. Alex knew, intimately, what she needed to fix and that she _wanted_ to fix it. She _wanted_ Sam back.

Alex let the door close softly behind her. She paused and sighed, her hand coming up to pinch the bridge of her nose. What she needed was some of Maggie's optimism. So, Alex took a deep breath and channeled her best Maggie. It would be okay. Sam would come around. Alex would prove it all to her. They would be a family.

It was shaky at best. A hastily constructed front to Alex's habitual negativity when it came to her personal life. Fake it 'til you make it though, right? She pulled her phone out and dialed Kara. She needed to make sure her other sister was okay after the flat-out rejection.


	58. Chapter 58

Kara wanted to be at the DEO for Sam's evals. It didn't matter that Sam hadn't let her stay last night. That didn't matter today.

She shouldn't be at the DEO for Sam's evals for a multitude of reasons. It was dangerous for her cover. Many agents knew Supergirl was Kara Danvers but not all of them and definitely not the ones who handled the recruiting process. Supergirl being there to watch, or Kara being so comfortable in the DEO to watch, would be odd for those who didn't know. Then there was the extremely high certainty that Sam did not want Kara or Supergirl there. Also, Snapper gave Kara a new story to work on so, really, she should work on that even though it was Saturday.

Did Kara listen to her gut in terms of any of those issues? No. No, she did not. Or, maybe she did and it gave her the answer that wasn't logically right. Which is why she found herself snuck onto the bottom floor of the DEO and into the observation deck that sat high above the training floor. Alex doing all of the sneaking, all while assuring Kara that only herself and Vasquez would be using that specific observation deck. It was reserved for higher agents. The other recruiters used one closer to the floor.

That's where Kara stayed, hidden and in her civilian clothes, to watch Sam. Alex put her even more at ease by explaining that they were all _Danvers_. It would be easy enough, although still a little odd, to use the excuse that was actually truth: Kara was there to support her sister.

The breakdown was simple and Alex was explaining each task as they happened. Vasquez typed steadily, documenting the whole procedure. Sam would be put through a series of simple athletic tests. They took down her height, weight, body fat percentages, and body measurements as a baseline to set her minimum requirements. Next, Sam was told to stand and stay still, eyes forward. This confused Kara as she watched an agent make circles around Sam, taking notes.

"They're assessing her posture and looking to see if they can determine any limitations she may have based on her posture and how she holds herself. They'll adjust her tests to focus on her weaknesses. From up here, though, she looks fine."

That sounded ridiculous to Kara. It was like they were trying to get Sam to fail. She said as much to Alex. "That's a little unfair to tailor her tests to physical weaknesses, don't you think?"

Alex shrugged noncommittally. "Fair or not, we need to know how she handles things when they're hard for her and we need to know exactly what she's capable of. These tests are unfair, as you put it, so that we can have a better idea of how our agents will perform when they aren't tests anymore. In the field, Sam's greatest asset is her body."

Sam was then walked through various stretches and holds to better assess any weaknesses she may have. Flexibility, or lack thereof, was easy to spot, according to Alex, and is a good indicator of how Sam might perform. It all seemed awfully boring to Kara.

Things got moving a bit more once their visual assessments were done. Sam was then subjected to a sprint and shuttle tests, a timed mile, push-up and pull-up tests, and last but not least, a max out lift. All done consecutively.

Even with super powers, watching Sam exhausted Kara. Her little sister had to be tired. Alex stood next to her looking pleasantly surprised.

"I knew she was in shape but damn." Alex looked over Vasquez's shoulder, one hand on the back of her chair and the other on the desk. The information that was being recorded down on the training floor was being simultaneously shared on Vasquez's screen. "Her times are great and her maxes are above average for someone her size and weight."

"I guess all that working out is really paying off for her."

"What is it with you Danvers?" Vasquez asked. "Is there something in the water out in Midvale?"

Alex grinned but didn't give Vasquez an answer. It was rhetorical anyway. Her eyes were trained and steady on Sam below them. "She doesn't even look tired."

"She's not." Vasquez replied. "Well, I'm sure she is but they've noted that 'the recruit is showing minimal signs of fatigue after an impressive showing across all tests. Her stamina is exceedingly high.' I haven't seen so much emotion in their notes all year." She joked. "I think they like her."

Kara beamed. It didn't matter if they were fighting or that things didn't look too promising between her and Sam, Kara was _proud_ of her little sister. "What happens next?"

"She gets a lunch break then we move on to the obstacle course. We'll be back Vasquez. Want us to bring you anything?"

"I'm good. I gotta translate all their monotonous, vague notes into something useful for J'onn. I'll grab something later."

Alex nodded her head toward the door for Kara to follow. Once they were out, she led them down the hall. She must have noticed Kara's nervous look. "Don't worry. All the recruiters stay on the training floor during lunch to set up and Sam isn't allowed to leave. She's just taken to a separate room to rest and eat. No one is going to see you down here."

"Did you have to go through all those tests?" Kara asked as they made their way up to the DEO main floor.

"It's changed since I was being recruited but I went through something similar."

"How much more until she's done?"

Alex looked at Kara, debating something. What? Kara wasn't sure. She was aware that there were things that Alex couldn't share with her and maybe the recruitment process was one of those things but Kara didn't think so. She was allowed to watch this part of it, after all.

"I think I'll let you be just as surprised as Sam is going to be." Alex finally answered, a knowing smile on her face. "For now, I need to check on a few things upstairs then we can get lunch."

Kara nodded, not listening. Her mind no longer worried about what Alex was saying. It was too preoccupied with what she said. What did she mean she'd let Kara be 'as surprised as Sam'? Kara's imagination went into overdrive. There were only so many things the DEO could do. She could figure it out. Right?

After lunch, and no luck in trying to figure anything out, Alex led Kara back down to the observation deck where Vasquez was. But Alex didn't stay. She excused herself without an explanation. Kara wanted to ask but knew Alex wouldn't tell her anything. Instead, she turned to Vasquez once the door was closed and Alex was gone.

Vasquez held her hands up. "Don't ask me. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that you don't tell if Danvers…Alex," she clarified, "isn't telling. Whatever it is."

Kara huffed. She wanted to know. She didn't do patient and unknowing very well separately. Together, it was like pulling teeth. Slowly and without Novocain.

A few _long_ moments later, she saw Alex walk onto the training floor. She spoke to the recruiters then to Sam. Her younger sister moved to one side of the room, behind a thick black line that Kara hadn't noticed before. Her older sister walked off the floor. Then Kara's eyes were widening and her jaw dropping because _how did she not know_ about this place?!


	59. Chapter 59

**A/N: Got way ahead and decided to post double today. This ends on a cliffhanger too though so don't get too excited. Just a heads up, as I get into 'Homecoming' I'll be posting less frequently. I wanna take my time and really feel those chapters out. That episode is what started all of this and I want to do it justice. Thanks for reading!**

"I wanna go again."

"But you got the required time. You don't have to." Alex looked at her like she knew what Sam was going to say and was proud. Danvers family perfection after all.

"I can do better."

Alex's eyebrows raised and she shrugged with a laugh. "Okay then. Go to the starting line and wait for my signal. I'll count you down during your run to your last time; even if I get to zero, you'll have a little under ten seconds before you fail."

Sam nodded and made her way back to the start of the obstacle course. She had made stupid mistakes the first time. Misjudged a few moves, hesitated on others. She knew the course she was about to run would be different but she felt better about her odds anyway.

She forgot how it felt. The rush of physical exertion to obtain a goal. The pressure of performing past the expectations of her superiors. That last reason was why Sam had always done so well during the army's physical exams and training tests.

"Ready?" Alex's voice came through one of the many speakers in the room. Sam nodded as she watched square and rectangle sections of the room move, disappear into the wall or come out of it. Her muscles tensing. A long beep sounded just as the room came to a stop.

Sam's body released and she took off. More confident than during her first run. The long, rectangular room was unlike anything Sam had ever seen and she loved it. She wished Alex told her about it long ago. It would've been put to more use. It would have been so much better than jogs around National City.

The walls were a gray-ish weight with a dark grid that showed the moveable parts of the room. When she had asked, surprised at the technology, Alex said it was developed from alien tech they had come across the year before. Now it was a staple in the DEO's training and preliminary new agent testing. It was the size of two football fields. In the bottom floor of the DEO building, below the training rooms Kara and Mon-El were so fond of.

A narrow path was Sam's first ordeal. Three feet wide. Maybe, if she was being generous. She sprinted with her shoulders at an awkward angle. It didn't slow her down much.

Next was a wide, waist deep pit. She could go around, she could drop into it. Either would slow her down too much. Still in her small hallway, Sam gauged how much runway she had to sprint normally. A few feet. She decided not to think if it was enough, if she could go far enough. Instead, as the walls on either side of her fell away, Sam pushed herself harder and jumped to clear the pit. Mid-air, she got nervous she wouldn't make it. Smack her shins on the opposite edge. A foolish doubt as she just barely made it. Her left heel dipping back toward the pit. Sam leaned forward, letting her hands hit the ground to tip her weight forward enough not to fall and waste even more time than if she took a safer approach.

Sam immediately had to roll to her left, before she even got her feet planted and her balance back. She glared at the window bay that she knew Alex was standing behind. The plate now beneath Sam rose an inch. A reminder from Alex to keep moving. It was frustrating that her sister could manipulate the room impulsively.

"Two minutes and thirty seconds." Alex's voice echoed again.

The next obstacle frustrated Sam. There was no shortcut to it. The walls were choppy in front of her. Only one way through them and each opening forced her into a zig-zagged sprint. It wasted too much time. Especially with the wrong turn she took at the end of it, forcing her to turn and sprint the width of the room to the last door.

"One minute and thirty seconds."

That should not have taken Sam an entire minute. She was frustrated with herself. And with the worst obstacle in front of her. Only about 45 yards but it was 45 yards of hell. Unlike the rest of the room, this portion was not stationary. The floor was constantly shifting. The walls sporadically jutted out. There was no way to predict what might slow her down. So, Sam didn't bother trying.

She took off at a dead sprint. Her first encounter was the feeling of a floor board pushing up under her back foot ten feet into the room. It threw her off balance but only enough to stumble, not wipe out.

Next, Sam was pushed along the left wall as almost the entire floor shot ten feet into the air. Except for a portion along the left wall. It ate up too much time and at the end, the wall shot out and knocked Sam painfully to the ground. She wheezed as she jumped up. The air not quite making it all the way to her lungs.

Along the walls, the smaller cut outs opened up to reveal mounted guns. Sam knew now that they only shot beanbags. She had the bruises to prove that that was only slightly better than actually being shot.

She dove behind one of the blockades set up at intervals in front of her. Chancing it, Sam raised up enough to peer over her protection at the end of the maze. The end differed than last time. Alex had told her everything about each maze was different; even how to shut down the simulation. Sam's new objective was a red button set high on the wall.

"45 seconds."

No time to think of a plan. Sam vaulted herself over her barricade and took off, low and using the cover she could without slowing down. The way the guns were positioned meant she couldn't take a straight path. She had to maneuver around the room. Going from the right side to the left, barely making any forward progress.

An extended area of open space forced Sam into a flat-out sprint. Resulting in a beanbag to the calf. She cursed as it gave under her weight. She skidded to a stop on her knees between two of the blockade cubes. A space between them that kept Sam close to the shelter to her left to avoid the gun that could still reach her.

"30 seconds."

She couldn't go forward. Her glance in that direction had a beanbag firing and barely missing her face. That meant she had to double back. Protected from one gun but in range, albeit long range, of two on the other side of the room and one in the corner of the side she was on. But, and Sam smiled as she realized what opportunity it afforded her, she had a straight shot to the button. And, a way up to it.

"15 seconds."

Sam took off. Pushing her body faster than she should. If this didn't work, she was going to be very bruised and very sore. The solid thunk of the bags hitting around her spurred her on. She kept in a crouch and used two barriers to shield herself as best she could, not slowing to give herself any real protection. After she cleared them, with about ten feet between herself and her plan, Sam straightened and elongated her stride.

She pushed off of one foot, the other stepping up to reach the top of one of the barricade blocks. Another step and then she was taking off again. There was a gun she hadn't seen in the same corner as the button but Sam ignored it as best she could. She punched the button with the side of her fist. A second later, as her body collided with the wall, a beanbag landed squarely on the side of her bicep. She let her legs crumble under her, her hand coming up to rub the spot she just got hit in.

"That was a cheap shot." She said, knowing Alex could hear her and that she was responsible for that last hit.

"Two seconds to spare." Came her sister's voice as the room began to retreat into itself. It was now a massive, white room with dark grids across it.

Sam stayed where she was, watching Alex enter the room and make her way toward her. Sam was sweating and sore, out of breath.

"That was reckless." Alex told her but she had a smile on her face. "J'onn won't be thrilled about that but he can't really complain about your time. I think that's our best in the last couple pools of recruits we've brought in."

"Pot." Sam smiled as she pointed at Alex, her voice a little wheezy still, then she pointed at herself. "Kettle."

Alex's smile slid wider. It made Sam a little uneasy but she pushed through it. She was ready now. It was time to start bridging the gap.

"Come on." Alex held her hand out to Sam and hauled her up. "We have one more test for you."

"What!?" Sam stopped walking with Alex. There shouldn't be another test. She was told that it was just the obstacle course. That's why she wanted to go again. Why the hell did Alex _let_ her go again if there was another test?


	60. Chapter 60

A very grumpy Sam followed Alex up to the main DEO floor. It was a silent walk. Each time they stopped for a keycard locked door or the few minutes in the elevator, Sam stood stony with her arms crossed tight over her chest. She was pissed and Alex found the reasoning behind why amusing. Alex had been just as pissed when they pulled this on her during her recruitment. But Sam didn't even know the extent of it. If she were to follow Alex's lead, some agents were in for a world of hurt.

Kara should be on her way to the same place too. She knew that Vasquez would move Kara into a new observation deck. She hadn't asked but knew Vasquez. Susan was Alex's best agent…or maybe friend. After a few years of working together, maybe Alex could start referring to Vasquez as her friend. She got that title because she was steadfast and _good_ at her job. She always knew what Alex or a situation needed before anyone could ask. Alex trusted her, and literally had, with her life.

Alex would have preferred to use her favorite training room for Sam's final test. The one with the kryptonite sensors where she sparred with Kara. The one she always opted for because it was private and lightly used by the rest of the DEO. Alex suspected that was because they thought it was hers and they didn't want to piss her off. It was amazing how much power she had at work just because people were scared of her. It always made Kara and Maggie laugh. J'onn always tried his hardest to hide a smile when agents would scamper away from Alex's annoyed glares.

Instead, the two Danvers women went into an often used room that Alex had scheduled off. It had the added bonus of an observation deck for Vasquez and Kara. Alex stopped in the middle of the floor. It was only her and Sam in the room.

She took a deep breath and silently apologized to Sam. This was her job. It would happen to any of the recruits. _Alex_ would do this to any recruit. As it were, she only threw the first shot.

Alex pivoted and threw a straight punch, aiming for Sam's chin.

"Wha?" Sam exclaimed as she ducked back. Alex's fist just barely missing her mark. Alex threw another, forcing Sam back two more steps.

By then, Sam's real test arrived. Two agents flanked Sam on her left and right. A third hung back, behind her. Unknown to her. Alex stepped back and nodded at Sam.

Her sister's face hardened as she sat back into her stance. She was obviously unhappy with the turn of events. Like Alex predicted. The two agents barely waited. They lunged forward.

Sam ducked a punch but was knocked off her feet by an agent's sweep kick. It didn't seem to faze her. She kicked out at her attacker and rolled away at the opening his back tracking created. Sam was on her feet in seconds.

On her feet and on the attack. Sam didn't sit back defensively to gauge what her opponents were going to do. No. Sam charged. Feigning a punch at one agent, forcing her to shift into a defensive stance and effectively slowing down any attack Sam's next move opened.

After the feign, Sam landed a hook against the other agent's temple. He had been distracted by the perceived opening of Sam's feign, moving in to land his own hit. Except that he moved thoughtlessly. His guard down for his attack.

He stumbled back. Sam ignored him. Turning back to the other agent, now moving toward Sam. She threw two punches. Both of which, Sam batted away. Ducking and dodging with her hands up. A third punch was pushed away. Her guard was impressive. Alex wondered if it was developed through reckless defeats. A painful trial and error. That was the only thing Alex had experienced to hone defensive skills so sharp.

One of the agent's punches hit, jerking Sam's head around. Blood trickled from her eyebrow. Sam blinked it out of her eye but didn't bother wiping it away.

The second agent finally came back to his senses and into the fight. Her tried another sweeping kick. This time Sam saw it and grabbed the other agent mid-punch and used the momentum to push her into the kick.

It gave Sam time to reset. She flexed her hands then set them back into fists. Her steps were quick as she closed the distance she created for herself a moment ago. Her elbow smashed into the back of the first agent's to get up head.

The other agent, in a half crouch on the ground, found an opening: Sam's reckless move had her careening with the momentum. He grabbed shoulders and rolled, throwing her over his head. Sam tumbled a few feet.

Alex turned to the third agent. She nodded at him to join. Alex was less than impressed with Sommer, the female agent, and Krall, the male. Hopefully, Stewart would give Sam the challenge the DEO needed to see her face. He was the strongest fighter of the three.

Stewart closed the distance quickly. He threw a series of punches that had Sam backpaddling frantically. Only two hit but all were making Sam uncomfortable. Good, Agent Danvers thought. This is what they needed. Sam's lip split from one of the connected punches.

Sam ducked one punch and landed a hard uppercut into Stewart's stomach. It doubled him over but Sam had no break. Sommer and Krall were on her in seconds. Alex watched as several hits made contact in various places on Sam's body but she was able to block more than what hit.

She had to admire how Sam handled herself in a fight. She was aggressive. On the offensive more than not. Her vision was spectacular and her movements were precise. Sam maneuvered herself out from between Sommer and Krall, kicking Krall in the back of the knee to send him to one knee. She hit Sommer with a body kick that stumbled her. Sam pounced, using her stumble against her. She hit Sommer with another body shot then an uppercut, knocking the woman off her feet.

Sam pivoted back to Krall. Alex could see the intent to put him out of commission too but Stewart had recovered. He was on Sam before she could move on Krall.

Alex motioned the medics to tend to Sommer. Move her away from the fight so that she wouldn't be hurt further. Alex watched only long enough to make sure that Sommer was out of the way and being examined. Then it was back to Sam vs Stewart and Krall.

The men were bigger than Sam but not by much in terms of height. Weight though, Krall probably had almost 30 pounds on her while Stewart probably matched her. Sam was slowing too. Her day of testing finally catching up as her adrenaline waned. _This_ is what they needed to see.

Sam's breathing was coming fast. She kept her hands high and her eyes darted between the two men who were slowly advancing on her. Alex was surprised to see that as the extent of Sam's movement. She didn't back up to keep distance. She let them approach her. Not what Alex would advise in a mismatched fight that Sam was too tired for.

The men circled. Sam let them get three-quarters to her sides. Then she attacked. She dropped onto one knee and swept Stewart's legs; popping up and blocking Krall's head shot. She jabbed his side then connected with his cheek and back down to his body.

Sam then spun and connected an elbow with Krall's head, sending him to the ground. The motion of her spin adding force to the hit. Alex would bet that Krall was out cold.

Stewart was back on his feet. Apparently faster than Sam anticipated. He grabbed her shoulders and twisted her, locking his arm across her neck and pulling back on his wrist with his other hand.

Alex's gut tightened. She didn't like seeing Sam in that position but Agent Danvers made her stand by without doing anything. She could only imagine how Kara was reacting up in the observation deck if Alex was this bothered.

Sam had both hands on Stewart's arm, pulling to give herself room to breathe. She struggled. When it was clear she wasn't going to free herself that way, when the panic started to subside and also build, Sam pounded rapid elbows aimed at Stewart's side.

He winced when they landed but didn't let up on his hold. Alex checked her watch. 20 more seconds and she would intervene. Sam threw a wild punch over her shoulder. A lucky shot that hit Stewart square in the nose. His hold must have loosened because Sam did it again and then dove forward, rolling Stewart under her.

His grip let up all the way. Now, Sam turned to straddle him, pinning his legs. She didn't give him even a second. She rained punches down on Stewart. His hands came up to block but was marginally effective. Stewart jerked his hips up and turned, throwing Sam off him.

Sam moved with the throw, rolling onto her hands and the balls of her feet. She shot up and at Stewart. This was going to get out of control and Stewart was already bleeding. As was Sam.

"Enough!" Alex yelled. She was surprised when Sam stopped with a punch half-cocked. "That's enough." She said more calmly now that she had their attention. "Stewart, get over to the medics and get checked out."

Sam now stood relaxed. Her chest heaved though. Her right hand hung stiff and rested on her leg, subtly like she didn't want Alex to notice.

"Me and you are going to my lab. Come on." Alex said. Sam didn't move so when Alex started to walk by her, she took Sam by the shoulders and directed her toward the door.

The fight must have been at least fifteen minutes. Straight. It was like a marathon of self-defense and Sam held her own, after a full day of physical exertion. Not to mention, most recruits didn't fare as well with only one run through the obstacle course.

Maybe there _was_ something in the water up in Midvale. Or, the emotional trauma of losing their father that had Alex striving for unhealthy perfectionism ran in the family too. Either way, Alex was impressed. Beyond that, actually. Sam performed outstandingly past what Alex expected, and she hadn't expected anything but solid scores from her sister.

Once they reached the lab, Sam didn't need to be told to where to sit. She jumped up on the med table Alex kept. It was even more obvious that Sam's hand was bothering her now that she was seated. It rested in her lap, hugged close to her stomach. It curled in on itself but it wasn't a tight fist. Alex wondered if Sam could even make a fist after what she had just been through.

"Let me see that." Alex pointed to her hand. Sam offered it wordlessly.

It wasn't swollen and probing resulted in slight wincing from Sam. It felt like it should to Alex. Sam was going to have to tell her what it felt like because as far as Alex could tell, it was okay.

"How does it feel?"

"Fine."

Alex rolled her eyes. Predictable. "Please don't be like that right now. I can tell it's bothering you but it feels fine to me so I need you to be honest so I can appropriately treat you. The quicker we do this, the sooner I can clean up your face."

"It's just sore. Along the bottom part of my thumb and into my wrist but it isn't bad." Sam tugged her hand back. It automatically went back against her stomach.

"It looks like it's really bothering you. People usually don't cradle their hand like that unless it's hurting." Alex reached for her hand again, turning it over in both of hers. She noted the bruising from fighting. It was minimal and that worried Alex. Sam would have to be a frequent fighter for that result.

"I wasn't exactly expecting to be throwing punches so excuse me if my recently healed hand isn't too happy with me right now." Sam snapped, snatching her hand back again.

"Woah. Hey, calm down. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you that you were about to be essentially jumped but that's how these tests go." Alex gave her best apologetic look. In her defense, she did feel bad. "You did great, Sam, really. And there doesn't seem to be any real damage to your hand. It'll just be sore."

Alex wrapped Sam's hand and wrist despite her assumption that it would be okay. The wrap would keep Sam from moving it too much and keep it from swelling. That should help with the soreness. Alex moved to clean up the cut at Sam's eyebrow and lip.

Mostly, they had stopped bleeding but Sam was sweaty and so, she was a bloody, sweaty mess regardless of the stopped blood. Alex cleaned the cuts. Neither were serious. A bandage strip over her eye and nothing for her lip.

"All done." Alex turned away from Sam to throw away her gloves and clean off the utensils she used. "Usually, it takes 72 hours for us to make a decision and get back to you. I doubt it'll take that long for you." Alex shut off the facet and leaned back on the sink as she spoke to Sam. "You killed it today. And I mean, absolutely slaughtered our tests, Sam. If it were up to just me, I'd make you an agent right now."

Sam cracked a smile then winced as it pulled at the cut in her lip. "Thanks."

"I'm really proud of you. I can't get over how well you did today."

Sam smiled again and looked away from Alex. Uncomfortable with the praise it seemed. Maybe last night went better than Alex thought if Sam was acting like this with her. No pushing though.

"You need to keep your hand wrapped for at least the next two days. Maybe work through those exercises again if they don't bother it too much. Just to keep your hand from getting stiff." Sam nodded. "You're good to head out if you want. We'll get in touch with you soon."

Sam hopped off the table. "See ya."

Alex watched her leave. Another pleasant surprise for the day. Sam hadn't simply stalked away. She'd have to tell Kara about that too. It was almost better than anything else that happened that day. Almost. Because Alex was positive that Sam would not only be made an agent but that she'd be assigned to Alex's team. Her skill set was aligned with what her team did. The front line, first responders.


	61. Chapter 61

There were many ways to go about this. A phone call. No. That's too interactive, too aggressive. Well…it'd probably just go to voicemail anyways. That wouldn't be so bad. More personal and weighty. No, no, no. And if a phone call was out of the question than showing up in person was _out of the question._ That left Kara with one option: texting.

Not that Kara had anything against that specific form of communication. To the contrary; most of her interaction with Sam since they both left home had been through text but it felt…inadequate for what needed to be said. Not enough. It would have to do because Sam wouldn't be about any of the other options.

Kara was so nervous to send a few texts that it was ridiculous. But not really if she thought about it. Her and Sam's situation hadn't changed since that morning. In short: Sam still wanted nothing to do with Kara.

 **-Hi! So…confession time! (K)**

 **-I was at the DEO to watch ur evals and I'm sorry! But I really wanted to be there for u. I know u didn't rly know I was there but that doesn't matter. I still wanted to be there. It was kind of an it's the thought that counts moment (K)**

 **-And I'm rambling…I'm actually trying to tell u that I am so super freaking proud of u! (Confetti horn, heart eye, heart, flex, excited, and clapping emojis). U were amazing, Sam! Those tests didn't stand a chance! (K)**

Kara forced herself to stop there. She really couldn't control the rambling of her thumbs. They had a mind of their own. It was likely that Sam was already annoyed with her text attack.

As predicted, Sam made Kara wait. And wait. And wait. A few dozen burned cookies and a pint of ice cream later, Kara almost crushed her phone in her haste to swipe it up as it beeped a text.

 **-Thanks (S)**

Considerably less than what Kara sent but, for Sam and where they were, that was basically a novel. Kara smiled. It was dang sure better than the other night when Sam wouldn't let Kara in. Maybe Operation Get Sam Back was salvageable.

 **-I texted Sam and she texted back! (absurd amount of every emoji even slightly related to this subject of text) (K)**

Alex must have not been working because her text was almost instant. Kara often worried if her attentiveness to her phone was an issue. Once or twice she tried to bring it up to Maggie but her sister's girlfriend brushed it off with an explanation that criminals didn't exactly wait for them to be lazy about phone awareness.

 **-Seriously!? Great! What did she say? (A)**

 **-I just said I was proud of her and explained why I was at the DEO and that I was sorry but I really wanted to be there for her. She said thanks! (K)**

 **-I know that isn't exactly a whole lot but it's SOMETHING (K)**

 **-And u should probably talk to her too. I'm sure some part of her is blaming u for that surprise test. Not funny btw! You should have told me! Those are brutal (K)**

Kara was practically giddy. She spun around her apartment with pint in hand, spoon stuck in her mouth. Family was such a funny thing, she decided. It didn't make sense to be so excited about a single-word text but she was. All because her little sister seemed to be coming back around. This was the light at the end of the tunnel. The end was probably miles away but Kara could see the light. That was enough for now.

Her happy dance was cut off by a knock at the door. She ignored her buzzing phone to answer it. Her first thought was Mon-El and her second was that she wasn't _exactly_ excited about that possibility. She shoved that second thought down deep. Lucky for her, Kara had taken the spoon out of her mouth. If not, it probably would have fallen along with her jaw.


	62. Chapter 62

**A/N: Woah...I was not expecting so much cliffhanger reaction! You guys had me cracking up. I feel like this is not as exciting as you all predicted it to be but I hope you enjoy! Thanks for reading!**

Myxy had to be back. Or, J'onn was playing a very cruel joke. Those were the only possibilities because there was no way in heaven, hell, or Valhalla that Sam was standing on Kara's doormat. No way.

Except the nervous tapping on Sam's leg was something no one knew about to imitate and the Danvers Crinkle was hard to execute if a Danvers wasn't exactly in need of it. Kara knew that for a fact. She had tried many a-time in the mirror to see their infamous facial expression for herself. None had been successful.

This was _Sam._ On Kara's doormat. Making. An. Effort. What kind of effort? If Kara could get it together enough to properly communicate, she'd find out.

"Hey." Sam said. Curt. Kara could hear her heartbeat. It wasn't frantic but definitely irregular. Sam was nervous but Kara was sure Sam was nowhere near as nervous as her.

"Hi." Kara couldn't shake the dumbfounded look off her face. Until she did. A quick jerk of her head toward the door then back at Sam. A few quick shakes to get it all together. "I'm sorry. Come in! Come in."

Sam stepped in far enough for Kara to shut the door but didn't move after that. Her hand stopped tapping on her leg. Only because Sam shoved both hands into her jacket pockets.

"What's up?" Kara asked, rocking on her heels a bit. She couldn't stay still.

"Uh. Nothing really. I just wanted to stop by and…talk. I guess."

Kara nodded. "Okay. Yea. We can do that. What do you want to talk about?" Sam started to answer but she cut her off. "Wait. Do you want to sit down? Can I get you something to drink? I have _no_ idea where my manners went. I'm sorry."

"No, it's, uh…No. I'm good. This won't take long."

That shattered all of Kara's hope and optimism from early. The last time Sam had shown up to talk and hadn't stayed long, she yelled at Kara then told her things wouldn't change between them; Sam wanted nothing to do with them. She tried her hardest to keep that disappointment and hurt from her features.

"I wasn't going to come over. I, uh, actually turned around twice on my way over." Sam gave a weak excuse for a smile. "But, if you can sneak into the DEO when you knew I didn't want you there, I figured I could come and talk to you when I know you do want me here.

"This isn't like some big band-aid that's gonna fix everything either." Determination slipped into Sam's eyes with that. She seemed less nervous now that she began talking. Kara was sure a lot less disappointed. Now it was a struggle to keep the excitement off her face.

"We have a lot of shit to work on. I have shit to work on. You do. Alex definitely fucking does." Sam stopped and sighed, "but, ya know, that's a conversation for a different time." Sam swatted away the worked-up energy she was creating. "I came over here to tell you, we can try again. I'm not making any promises though.

"I don't promise that we'll get better or like each other but you are my family. You proved that you wanted to be in my life today without any guarantee that anything good would come out of it. No other reason than you caring about me."

"I care about you _so_ much, Sam."

"Yea. Well. I care about you too. Apparently, no matter how hard I try not to." Sam gave a rueful laugh. Kara smiled, opting to take the compliment as it was intended instead of the insult that some would see. "Enough that I want to try this again."

"I can't tell you how happy I am to hear that."

"No promises." Sam warned.

"Right." Kara's hands came up, palms out to Sam. A smile sprung forward as she continued, "No promises but we get to try."

"Yea." Sam gave an uneasy nod. She fidgeted a few seconds. One hand coming out of her pocket to play with the end of the zipper. There were a million things to say and do and try but Kara didn't pursue even half of one of those thoughts. Space and time and slow. "I'm gonna head back. I just wanted to tell you that so…"

"Okay." Kara's smile tampered down to something soft. "Thanks for stopping by, Sam."

"Yea."

Kara took the few steps over to the door and held it open for her sister. She leaned on it as Sam started to shuffle out. "Be safe."

"Bye Kara."

With the door closed, Kara waited as she listened to Sam make her way out of the building. Then, Kara let loose. Her happy dance was more out of control and silly. She couldn't believe it! This was way too good to be true! But it was!

Sam _came over_ to tell her that they could _try again_. This was exactly what Kara wanted. Probably, it was exactly what Alex was hoping for with her plan.

Like Sam said though, they had things to work on. Kara needed to continue to work on standing on her own, without Alex constantly there to catch her. Alex had to work on the habit of constantly catching her, especially when Kara didn't need her to.

They were both better now though. Alex was letting herself focus on herself and Maggie. Kara was coming into her own. Taking on the mantle of Supergirl was doing wonders for her as was switching jobs at CatCo. This was doable. Each sister just needed to want to be better for each other, with good intentions, compromises, and forgiveness. Like Lena had said.


	63. Chapter 63

Kara's right, Alex thought as she clutched her phone in her hand. She glanced down at it then back at the door in front of her. Kara was right and she needed to do this. Maybe not in person but Alex thought it was the best way to deal with whatever part of Sam was blaming her. Texts felt wrong and a phone call might get ignored.

So, she forced her hand up and into a rushed knock before she could talk herself out of it. Then she waited. It didn't take long. Sam obviously wasn't in the mood for games. Alex winced once she saw her sister. The cut at her eyebrow was bruising a deep purple, almost black, with a murky yellow around it. Her lip was swollen and an angry red.

Sam didn't look angry though. Just tired. Alex felt for her. She remembered how she felt after testing. Once the adrenaline ran out and the stress of the situation left her limbs, she had been dead on her feet. Mentally and physically worn out. That's exactly how Sam looked.

"What do you need?" Sam asked in way of greeting.

"I don't need anything, Sam; not really. I wanted to stop by and see how you're doing."

"People actually do that?" Alex nodded and Sam sighed. "Fine. Come in."

All the furniture that Alex and Kara brought over was built. Alex wondered how long Sam was up doing that. "Did you finish building those last night?"

Sam looked at Alex and then to the furniture she was gesturing at. "Most of it. I finished the shelves and stools when I got home today."

It looked better in Sam's apartment. More like the home of a normal person, not somewhere a hobo or druggie was squatting. That middle space meant for a living area was still awkwardly empty but maybe that could be the next step in Operation Get Sam Back: couch and TV shopping together.

Alex settled onto one of the stools and faced Sam who perched on the edge of her bed. She looked even more tired than when she answered the door. Like each movement was draining her more and more. Alex was sure that Sam would have little patience. Which meant this conversation would be like navigating land mines.

"How do you feel?"

"Like I got hit by a bus."

"Sounds about right if you think about it." Alex replied lamely. She didn't know how to approach the tests with Sam. She needed to but she didn't want to. If they didn't talk about it, this whole thing would fester and cause bigger problems than what it was worth.

As Alex debated with herself, Sam got up and got a beer out of the fridge. She didn't offer one to Alex. She threw the popped cap on the counter and flopped back on her bed. Alex turned to see if there were any other caps on the counter. Sure enough, three others lay there. It was impossible to tell if they were from a different night or not though.

Not the time, Alex reminded herself. "Uh, Sam. I came over because I wanted to talk about the tests and how it all went down."

Sam took a long pull from her beer bottle. She kept steady eye contact with Alex who was squirming in her seat, waiting for Sam to respond. Sam looked away briefly then back.

"Can we not? I'm really not in the mood and we just started trying this whole sister thing again. I'd rather not fuck it up on the first full day."

It was a good point. Technically. Alex was still convinced that this would come back around later, ten times worse. "I know. I know you're tired and not happy, either with me or just the DEO in general, but I would rather hash this out now. We have a bad habit of letting things come back and bite us in the ass. Even if you are pissed at me, I'd rather talk about it now."

Another long drink. Another, what felt like, a case study of Alex's soul through her eyes. "I'm not exactly happy about what happened today."

"I know. That's why I'm here."

Sam took a hard breath through her nose. "What the fuck was that, Alex?"

"It's fucked up, you're right but we make the tests that way. What we deal with is sometimes more than just fucked up. The DEO can't have agents who can't handle that. And, I meant what I said earlier. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you about the sparring test."

"That was not sparring."

"No." Alex agreed quietly. "I don't like that test. I understand why it's needed but I don't like it. J'onn doesn't either. It's a necessary evil."

"That's how you justify it? Really? That's weak, Alex." Sam scoffed. "God."

"You'll understand after you've been in the field a few times."

"I don't even know if I want to be a part of the DEO after all of that. If that's how you all treat your agents…"

"It's not. We keep our agents well trained, well educated, and well taken care of. You'll have similar tests to that but none will be so shocking. We do that to gauge your mental capabilities to cope with high stress situations. And, you did well, Sam. I know that probably doesn't make you feel better about the testing but you did."

"Alex." Sam started. She cut herself off with a head shake then drained her bottle.

"Don't do that." Alex wasn't just talking about Sam's hesitance to talk to her, the drinking too but Sam didn't need to know that yet. "Talk to me."

"Well, am I talking to Agent Danvers or my sister Alex? Because right now I'm not sure."

Alex scrubbed at her face, her reply muffled. "I'm sorry." She dropped her hands. "You're right. It's hard to drop sometimes. Especially when we start talking DEO. I'm sorry."

"I mean, I already said it. That was fucked up and I'm pissed but then you justified instead of letting me vent."

It was quiet for a minute. First instinct was to justify why she was justifying. That was just how Alex was wired. She hated being wrong and even if she was wrong, she always felt this need to explain why. To somehow make it less wrong. That wasn't the route to take tonight.

"Do you wanna know what I think about those tests? As just Alex." Sam shrugged and pushed herself up from the bed lazily. She opened the fridge and popped another beer. "I think they're unfair. We push you to your limits and then throw surprises at you. We _attack_ you and I completely understand why but that doesn't mean I feel good about what we do. I hate that we need to resort to that."

"We're going in circles." Sam pointed out. She leaned against her island counter. Alex turned to face her. "We both think the tests are fucked up. Great. You think they're useful. Good for you. We don't really need to talk about it anymore."

"Yes, we do, Sam. I want _you_ to talk to me. Tell me what you're thinking, how you feel."

"You don't want that, Alex!" Sam exploded. She shoved away from the island. Alex was getting into dangerous territory now. "You think you want to have some great conversation that's going to fix everything but it isn't that easy!"

"I know but it's a start! We can't work on our relationship if you won't talk to me."

"Alright, fine." Sam sneered. "Let's talk."

"Okay." Alex said uneasily. She didn't like Sam's tone and what it might mean.

"Let's talk about how I wanted this. I wanted to be part of the DEO and work toward something better, ya know? A greater fucking good. But now I don't know. Those tests are sketch. If that's how you treat your recruits, do I even want to know what you'll make me do as an agent? You say its better but how the hell am I supposed to believe you after today?

"Or, let's talk about the fact that _my sister_ was the first person to attack me. Did you enjoy that Alex? Have a chance to work out some of your frustration toward me?"

"Sam, no! I wou–"

"You wouldn't? Really? It doesn't really feel like that."

"I hated that I had to do that. I asked to be excused from your recruitment but J'onn didn't have a suitable replacement and the more I thought about it, I _was_ happy it was me. I wouldn't trust anyone else with you. I didn't trust that someone else wouldn't do something worse."

"Bullshit. You just couldn't handle not having control."

"Maybe." Alex shrugged. "But it was because I didn't want anyone else handling you."

Sam rolled her eyes. "Whatever."

"And what about not wanting to be DEO? Do you not want this anymore?"

It was a moment before Sam answered. She hid her pause behind a drink. "I do. I just don't like this whole process. It feels too much like the corrupt side of the military: trying to get people to fail, focusing on their weaknesses to deny them positions. All so some fat, old guy can keep his high rank. I hated everything about that. It was shady."

"You've never been big on secrecy."

"It's not even secrecy though. It's just bullshit shock factor."

"Sam. I promise this is not Agent Danvers talking but we are the Department of _Extra-Normal_ Operations. Our entire job is shock factor. How we test isn't perfect, it's just as fucked up as you think it is, but we don't know how else to test to see what we need to. If you have a better idea, please, let me know. I'm up for suggestions."

"That do–"

"No, Sam. You know what? I came over here to apologize for my part in testing and see how you were doing. I'm all for listening to you vent or whatever but you're just looking for a reason to bitch at me. I don't want to sit through that. It's not fair to me. I have _no_ real say in what happens during testing. I'm there to evaluate. I'm sorry your pissed and I'm glad you're okay but I'm gonna go if this is how our conversation is gonna keep going."

Alex had enough. Just because they were trying to get Sam back didn't mean she had to sit there and be talked at. Alex didn't deserve that. No one did. Things were only going to escalate if she stayed and she didn't want to set this precedent for how their relationship was going to be. Talking and venting was one thing. What Sam was doing didn't fall into either of those categories. She wanted someone to take her frustration out on. It wasn't going to be Alex.

"Whatever." Sam mumbled, gulping down her beer as she walked out of the kitchen. She knew she was wrong. She just wasn't going to admit it.

Alex left. It was late anyways. Maybe Maggie was still up. She could curl up with her girlfriend and just fall into a blissfully blank sleep. Today had drained her. She felt exhausted.

They both had one day to cool off. J'onn had called Alex earlier in the evening to let her know they were going to offer the position to Sam. If she accepted, she would start on Monday. Alex really should have had the 'leave their family bullshit at home' talk with Sam but she hoped her sister knew that. Sam may be petty at times but Alex hoped, and had a feeling, she was professional while on duty.


	64. Chapter 64

**A/N: I forgot to answer a question about Kara and Lena. Sorry! I was asked if I was putting them together. Well, at first no. It was just going to be more implied than the homo behavior they give us on the show. Now that Mon-El is gone and I'm going away from canon to finish this up? We'll see. I haven't really decided but probably. I effing love Lena (I have another SG story sitting on the backburner that has her as more of a main character. I _really_ love Lena) so I wouldn't be opposed to putting them together b/c I'd get to write her more. Anyway. Thanks for reading! **

Monday rolled around slowly. It was almost a relief. Not that Maggie wasn't happy to spend all of Sunday with her girlfriend. A rare off day for both of them. It was only that Alex had been so down. Her argument with Sam Saturday night was weighing heavily on her. It needed to be Monday just so the sisters could see and feel each other out.

At least, Maggie thought it was a relief. Mostly she spent the day jittery and nervous. Anxiety over how her friend and her girlfriend were interacting colored everything she did. Maggie couldn't help it. No matter how much she tried to stay busy and focused, she checked her phone constantly. Alex would text her if something happened. She hoped that Sam might too.

When quitting time rolled around, Maggie practically ran out of the precinct. She was intending to make her way to the DEO, under the guise of bring Alex dinner during her long shift.

 **-Hungry, Danvers? I'll bring dinner if you have time for a quick break (M)**

It didn't really matter what Alex's response was. Most likely it would be yes. Maggie was already headed for her favorite Greek place. They hadn't had it in forever. She was sure she could convince Alex with it on the off chance that she did say no. Not that she had to worry.

 **-Starving. An hour and I'm due for my break. Ok? (A)**

 **-Always okay, babe. Should I bring enough for Sam? (M)**

 **-No. Off already. She won't take long shifts until after her first month on duty. (A)**

So no Sam. That was perfect. It was easier to talk about someone if they weren't anywhere in the building. With traffic and wait time at the takeout place, Maggie would probably get to the DEO just a few minutes before Alex's break. Right on time if she didn't rush.

Or 15 minutes before because Maggie was too anxious to get the scoop on her girlfriend's day to take her time. Alex looked stressed when she walked in, giving her a firm smile and a curt 'hi' before ushering her into Alex's lab. That was worrying.

"Everything okay?"

"Fine. I'll be back in a few."

That didn't bode well. Maggie busied herself with setting out their dinner. Then she sat and amused herself with her phone. 15 minutes passed and then 20. It wasn't until Alex was coming up on being a half hour past her break time that she came in. Maggie watched her collapse into the chair next to her and pinch the bridge of her nose as she let out a long exhale.

Maggie leaned forward and placed her hand on Alex's thigh. She didn't talk. Alex needed more time to settle. She always did. So, Maggie waited. Content to do so. Her girlfriend could take all the time she needed. All night if that's what would help.

Finally, her hand dropped and tired eyes met Maggie's. Her voice was soft as she said, "Hi."

"Hey." Maggie smiled. They'd take the conversation slow. Naturally move into whatever it was that had Alex so stressed. The Sam issue was completely overshadowed by whatever this was. "Still hungry?"

Alex shrugged. Maggie wasn't fond of that answer. "Why don't you try to eat a little? You still have a few hours left here."

Alex gave in and they ate quietly. Maggie talked about her day to give Alex a distraction. Nothing interesting had happened and she definitely did not mention that she had been thinking about her and Sam all day. Once they were done, Alex eating only about half of her food, they sat and then Alex started to explain.

"We've been tracking Cadmus all night. They've been quiet for a long time s we ran through all their known safe houses and labs. That's not anything new. It's a weekly scan we do but Winn thought he found something tonight; turned out to be nothing."

That explained the tired disappointment. Alex could tell Maggie, and herself, that it didn't affect her all she wanted. Maggie knew the truth. Her girlfriend wanted Cadmus and she wanted them _now_.

"They'll make a mistake soon, Al, and when they do, you'll make them pay for it." Alex nodded. Her eyes were so heavy and deep. They were breaking Maggie's heart. "How was Sam today?"

"She was fine."

"And you two?"

"Fine, I guess. We didn't really talk about it. Just…worked."

"That's good though, right?"

Alex pushed her leftovers around with her fork. "Yea, it is." She sighed. "I'm sorry, Maggie. It went well. Working with her was good. I'm just…I don't even know."

"Hey." Maggie scooted closer. "It's okay. You don't have to be sorry for feeling off. It happens."

Alex took Maggie's hand as her other went up to rub at her forehead. Alex was spreading herself too thin. Maggie knew it but there was nothing either of them could do. Her options were to drop the stress with Sam, forget about Cadmus, let Kara muddle through being Supergirl on her own, or quit her job with the DEO. None of those were viable. Alex would run herself further than into the ground before she did chose one of those options.

"I still wish I didn't take this out on you."

"Babe, you're not. Talking to me isn't taking it out on me. That's what a healthy relationship looks like. I know it's new to both of us." Maggie tried to joke. Anything to make Alex feel a little better.

It worked enough for Alex to crack a smile. "You're sure?"

"Positive. I wanna know everything that goes on in that head. Good or bad."

Before Alex could reply, Vasquez was at the door. She knocked hesitantly. Maggie looked up first. "Hey Susan."

"Maggie." She greeted curtly but not unkindly.

"What's up, Vasquez?"

"J'onn needs you back on the floor."

Alex nodded without hesitation. Vasquez didn't stick around. It was one of the things Maggie liked best about the woman. She knew when she was needed and when she wasn't. Her timing was perfection, be it social or on the job.

"Better get out there, Danvers."

"One more minute." Alex said quietly. She laid her head down on the table, using one arm as a pillow. Her other hand still holding Maggie's.

Maggie busied herself with combing through Alex's hair with her fingers. She counted the strokes. All the way to 60. "Time to go."

Alex turned to look up at her. Eyes still heavy and deep. Maggie wished she could help Alex carry the burden of being the oldest Danvers. A position that seemed to demand a high level of responsibility. More so than any other member of the family. All she could be was support though. She'd make sure that it was enough.

"Can you sleep over tonight?"

"It's only a question of your place or mine, Danvers. Not if I can."

"Mine?"

Maggie would usually fight her a little on whose place but not tonight. Alex didn't have the energy. "I'll wait up for you."

"Okay." Alex said quietly. She placed a quick kiss on Maggie's cheek after a look behind her and out her windowed walls. "Bye."


	65. Chapter 65

Her first week at the DEO was a whirlwind. There was so much to learn, like codes, rules, policy, and procedures. Mostly, she followed Alex or Vasquez around. She spent a painfully boring span of time with Winn. Alex said she was being vetted to see where she would fit most. Vasquez headed the recon and intel team. Winn was, as he put it, mission control or Houston. When he realized that correlation, his eyes and smile comically widened as he spent a solid five minutes patting himself on the back. Alex was in charge of the first responders.

In the army, that had been a grunt job. No glory or recognition. That wasn't the case for the DEO. Alex was sure to explain this. Sam did have a preconceived notion that it was a bottom of the barrel job but in the DEO, this was top shelf.

"We deal with the 'extra-normal.' That's literally what the E stands for: the Department of Extra-normal Operations. Because of that, we can't afford any mishaps. We do our best to keep the extra-normal away from the public so the best gets sent in first."

One entire day, Sam spent shadowing J'onn. That was nerve-racking. Sam had never been overly comfortable around him but throughout the day, she began to understand why Alex and Kara loved him so much. J'onn was stoic as hell but he was also warm and steady. Dependable. He was _fatherly_. The exact thing all three girls were desperately missing.

He had spoken evenly as he explained why the DEO was needed and what their mission was. He showed Sam each part of headquarters and how to use everything. He made sure she was comfortable with what each different team was tasked to do. They spent an hour discussing where Sam thought she fit best. It was refreshingly different from the military.

Sam was sure that Alex had a heavy hand in where she ended up. Since it was on Alex's team. A team that hadn't seen a green agent in three years. Sam wasn't complaining though. She had told J'onn she would be interested in being on the front lines but that her experience maybe made her better suited for Vasquez and recon.

It was nice to be working again. Sam's brief stint of unemployment had been a special form of torture for her. She had never done boredom well. The combination of physical and mental exertion at the DEO was Sam's favorite part. She finally felt like she was doing something worthwhile. Even more so than her time spent in the military.

It was awkward though. Neither Alex nor Sam really knew how to be around each other. They were trying to create a new normal and it was a battle they didn't know how to approach. Especially after Alex's visit to Sam's after her physical evals. They muddled through that with forced professionalism but that seemed to work for them. They got past it.

During times of work, Alex was Agent Danvers and Sam projected the best version of Private Danvers that she could. A persona that was quickly changing and molding, evolving, into the second Agent Danvers. Sam wouldn't admit that she used Alex as her model for that persona. Or maybe she should…maybe that was how they got through this battle. It was easy when they were both thinking work. Only in the down times, between missions and training, did it get awkward.

Throw Kara into the mix and it became awkward enough that J'onn never stuck around them and it made Vasquez laugh until Alex glared her into a suppressed chuckle. It was ten times better than fighting though. And they had made their beds in terms of their relationships. It was time to lie in them and work on making it better.

Sam was still shadowing Alex as Saturday rolled around. Both women were settling into their time with each other. Only the edges were awkward now. Like a phantom itch that was easily ignored. Kara had been in and out frequently. A busy day of petty crime that kept them all busy; the DEO always keeping an eye on their superhero.

Kara came swooping into the DEO to find Sam leaning on the computer bay middle table and Alex, hands on her belt, standing next to her. Sam pushed herself to make the effort of greeting her sister with a small smile and a head nod.

"Supergirl." Alex greeted. "How'd it go?"

"Like you don't know." Kara teased back. "I know you guys watch me."

Alex smiled. "We do."

"So why do you always ask me?"

Sam watched the back and forth, wondering how no one had figured out that Supergirl was Kara just by the way her and Alex interacted. Their chemistry was so very clearly that of sisters. _Close_ sisters.

"Because sometimes, we can't get a good feel for how things play out. We just get what's happening. Nothing in between. It's like reading a book in monotone."

"Only you would make a comparison between crime fighting and literature." Sam quipped.

"There were plenty of science and medical analogies but she wouldn't understand those."

"Hey!" Sam chuckled a little. "I'll have you know that I was going to be in the Science Council when I grew up on Krypton!"

"I know, that's not what I meant! I meant Earth science and medicine. We all know you're way more into the arts here."

Sam passively listened to her sisters bicker, watching the different monitors that were displayed on the back wall. They changed slowly. One screen would show for a minute then flash to another. It was mostly surveillance of National City. Thousands of people were shown on the screen. All moseying along and unaware that they were being so thoroughly protected. Did they care that their privacy was being invaded? Was surveillance of public spaces even invading it?

Sam's meandering thoughts were cut off by Alex nudging her shoulder. She was obviously expecting some kind of answer. "What?"

Alex looked around. Only Winn, at his computer, and Vasquez, reconnecting a monitor on the far side of the computer bay were around. "Kara wants to hangout tonight. Did you want to join?"

They're trying. They're trying. They're trying. Sam reminded herself of that as she tried to push her initial reaction of _hell no_ to the side. "Uh…" She tried to buy herself a few seconds to decided. "What're, uh, what did you have in mind?"

"The bar? We haven't been there in a while." Kara answered. "Winn wants to go too and Alex says Maggie would probably wanna go. I'll talk to James. I'm sure he'd be down."

That wasn't so bad. The last time they went out to the bar it had gone alright. Except for that almost fight but that was Sam, not anyone else. Anyway, she was sick of drinking beer in her apartment.

"What about Mon-El?" Sam asked. Just a few more seconds to get herself comfortable with saying yes. Trying.

"Oh. Well, he'll probably want to come to. If he isn't working but that's where he works so I guess no matter what he'll be there."

"You don't know if your boyfriend is working or not?"

"He isn't my boyfriend!" Alex leveled Kara with an unamused, unconvinced look. "What? He's _not_. We haven't exactly had that conversation yet…"

It was kind of amazing they hadn't. Mon-El wasn't one to beat around the bush. He asked questions without regard to the tact that they sometimes needed.

"Do you wanna join, Sam?" Alex asked, moving on from Kara's disastrous love life.

Fuck it. "Yea, sure."

Kara's head whipped around from whatever she was saying to Winn. "Really!? I mean, cool. That's cool." Sam hid her smile as best she could. Kara trying to play it cool was like a kitten pretending to be a tiger. Impossible and adorable. "Yea, totally cool."

Alex smiled at her reaction too. "I'll text you when we're headed that way. All of us need to get back to work before then so away with you Supergirl. You're supposed to be on patrol."

There wasn't much fight from Kara. She knew her responsibilities. With a whoosh of red and blue, she was gone.

"Hey, Danvers." Vasquez called out. Both Alex and Sam looked at her. "Oh, uh, right. I meant Danvers Sr. This is going to be confusing."

"I use Baby Danvers for the little one." Maggie threw in as she walked toward the computer bay. Sam rolled her eyes as Vasquez shook a finger at Maggie.

"I like that."

"Do not!" Sam hastily jumped in. "Please."

The other three women laughed. Alex turned to Maggie. "Hey. What brings you over here?"

"Wanted to see if I could pull you away for lunch."

Alex started to answer but Vasquez butted in. "Actually, she can't. We have a situation that we need you to check out, Alex."

Alex made a weird face at Vasquez. Sam wondered if they had ever called each other by first names. Her sister shook it off and gave a nod before turning back to Maggie.

"Rain check?"

"Always." Maggie leveled a finger at Sam. "And you. I'll be getting a rain check from you too. I wanna hear how your first week went."

"Always." Sam answered, mocking Maggie. Her voice whining and sounding like baby talk. Maggie flicked her off which earned her a swat on the shoulder from Alex as she dragged Sam away.

They went down to the locker room and suited up. Less dramatic than Kara's suit up but it still sent a jolt of excited nerves through Sam. They had drilled this but never had Sam suited up with the actual intention of going out in the field.

It was like riding a bike though. A lot of equipment the DEO used was standard military issue. Some of it was more advanced but Sam had no problem. She found pride in the fact that she was just as fast as Alex was, snapping her last buckle on her vest a few seconds after Alex. It was petty. Sam knew. She didn't care. It's the little things in life, right?


	66. Chapter 66

Sam was still buzzing from their mission. Alex could feel it. Eight hours later and she was still amped up and feeling good. It made Alex smile. It was a good look on Sam.

She had performed like Alex knew she would: above expectations. Her lieutenant was right when he said Sam was made for this. There were bound to be issues. Sam was on her best behavior since she just started but Alex didn't think they would be the same problems she had in the past. Sam actually wanted to be working at the DEO. The army was just a job she knew how to do.

They had been hung up at work longer than what was expected of them. Alex had quickly and firmly, with no room for Sam to think she was kidding, explained how often that happened. She didn't want Sam to be under any illusion that they were working a normal 9-5 job. Because of the later quitting time, Alex had taken out one of the department SUVs and drove Sam home, waited for her to get ready then they headed for Alex's to do the same.

It was still tense but work was helping. Just the sheer time spent together was melting the ice that Sam was still emitting. It was a mostly silent hour. Sam's good mood gave them a little conversation but she wasn't exactly a Chatty Cathy either.

Maggie smiled wide and toothy at Alex when she noticed them walk in. It sent butterflies to her stomach and Alex rolled her eyes at herself. It's been months. She couldn't help it though.

James, Kara, and Winn were already there too. Mon-El was gliding behind the bar. Personal feelings aside, he was a _very_ good bartender. Charming and personable, funny. His eyes kept finding their way to Kara and Alex followed to see that Kara was determined to ignore him. Her shoulders turned away from the bar and way too into her conversation with Winn.

Alex shook her head which caught Sam's attention. "What?"

"Kara." She answered after a slight hesitation. They were bringing Sam back into the fold. No reason to not share with her. "She's dating, or whatever they're calling it since they 'haven't had that conversation yet', but she's ignoring him."

Sam looked at Kara then Mon-El. "Really? It doesn't really look like she's ignoring him, just talking to Winn."

"Do you remember when she had that crush on Ben Jordan in eighth grade?" Sam bounced her head back and forth then nodded with a shrug.

"Kind of." Alex slowed them down at the bar to finish their conversation. She looked back at Maggie and spun her finger around the table in question. Maggie nodded.

Mon-El walked up to them with an easy smile. "Ladies." He drawled out. "What can I get you tonight?"

"Hey Mon-El." Alex greeted as she pointed at their table. Sam gave him a tight-lipped smile. "They'll take another round. I'll have a Rolling Rock."

Sam gave her a weird look at her order. Alex tried not to falter under it. Sam's eyes were accusatory. Alex didn't want to deal with it. There was a pause as Mon-El looked at Sam as Sam looked at Alex. Then the look passed.

"Jameson and 7." Sam ordered.

"I'm on it and I'll bring them over so you guys don't have to wait around." Mon-El answered, pointing both fingers at them.

"Since when do you drink Rolling Rock?" Sam asked, trying so desperately for nonchalant. That good mood buzz was probably the only reason for that.

Alex shrugged. "It sounds good every now and then. Ya know, to switch it up."

"I guess." Sam answered. It was stupid not to tell her the real reason but maybe that was because Alex didn't even really admit it to herself. It was just a tickle of a thought that she always ignored whenever she ordered. "But, that's not the only reason."

"No." Alex answered quietly. "It's what Dad drank."

"I remember."

"It's sappy to say I order it because I miss him, it's not a decision like that. I just order it and it makes me think about him and that's it. It isn't a whole big thing."

Sam reached up and itched behind her ear. "So, what about Ben Jordan?"

Leave it to Sam to not be able to handle the emotion she opens up. Alex was grateful for the subject change though. She felt ridiculous for ordering beer, of all things, for sentimental reasons.

"Right, well, she had this massive crush on him and couldn't stop staring. That's how Kara is when she likes someone. She gets infatuated and just…dives in without any hesitation. You should have seen her with James."

"She was with James!?" They were nearing the table and Sam dropped her voice immediately. A comical 'oops' face at her volume level.

Alex laughed. "Yea. Very briefly. She tried to fight that too a little but not nearly as much as she is with Mon-El. What I mean though," Alex started, getting back to her point, "is that Kara doesn't avoid eye contact much when she likes someone. It's basically the exact opposite."

As Alex finished, they came to the table. Maggie stood up and pecked her on the cheek. "Took you long enough to get over here." She joked then turned to Sam. "Hey Baby Danvers."

"I'm sure you'll stop your complaining when Mon-El brings you all your next round. Hey guys."

Sam settled across from James and next to Maggie, Alex on her girlfriend's other side. It was as far from Kara as she could get but Alex did notice Sam deliberately catch Kara's eye and give a small wave. That made Alex smile wider than Sam's work buzz.

"Winn told me you got your first taste of a field mission." James said to Sam. Her youngest sister sent a mock glare at Winn but it was overcome by her obvious excitement that had been palpable all day.

"Woah now. Don't look at me like that! He asked how my day was and I told him we had a situation and it _might_ have slipped that it was your first day out in the field."

"Not the point!" Maggie chimed in. "How was it?"

"It was good." Sam shrugged.

"Oh no. Don't even try that. You've been giddy ever since we got back to headquarters." Alex teased. Mon-El had come around with their drinks. She thanked him and took a sip as Sam rolled her eyes, accepting her own drink.

Mon-El smiled at Kara and she gave a nervous one back. He tried to talk with her but it wasn't going well for him. Alex tried to ignore their awkwardness by focusing on Sam.

"I don't really know what you guys wanna hear. I mean, it felt really good to be working again and doing this kind of work. I feel useful."

"Do any badass takedowns?" Maggie asked. Sam chuckled and shook her head. "Good. The next one better be when I'm around. I'm still pissed I missed the first two."

"First two?" James asked.

"Yea," Kara leaned back into the table, away from Mon-El. "I thought it was only the one after the L-Corp robbery."

"Some guy got away from an officer at the precinct as Sam was coming in. She took care of it no problem. I missed it though because I was inside."

"Don't pout because you didn't get to see my sister physically harm someone." Alex scoffed. Their friends were so weird. She was sure most 20-somethings didn't regularly talk about crime and fighting. Not that she was complaining, not really.

"I'm sorry you got to see how cool your little sister is but we all just have to take your word for it." Alex's eyes cut to Sam. It was cute how she looked down into her drink with a pleased smile.

"At least you've heard about it!" James said. "I didn't even know about the first one! You've gotta come out with Guardian one of these days, Sam."

"No." Kara cut in. "No offense, Sam, but I think you should stick to crime fighting with the DEO. I'd be way too nervous with you out there and," Kara put a hand up to silence James and Winn. Alex was surprised that Sam was calmly listening to her. "That is not a comment on any of your abilities. It just makes me nervous."

"I don't think I have the energy for that anyways. I had long hours at CatCo but they weren't long in the same way. We can train together though."

That appeased Kara and Alex was impressed. No bristle at being told what to do. A sensible alternative. Sam drank slowly too. Obviously pacing herself. Be it because Alex had commented on it before or whatever, she was happy to see it.

Their night passed in a slow, warm haze. Sam mostly participated in conversation with Maggie and James but she didn't completely isolate herself. Her drinking became heavier but not enough for Alex to say anything. Maggie's hand on her knee squeezed whenever she noticed Alex noticing Sam drink. A subtle reminder that tonight was not the night for that conversation.

Kara was the first to leave, with Mon-El once his shift was over. She seemed happy enough to go. Alex wondered if she was the only one who noticed her hesitance earlier in the night because of how well she knew her. Mon-El certainly didn't notice.

Next James headed out. Something about not staying out too late so he could get up early to workout. He invited Sam but she declined. The alcohol clearly taking effect. Winn only stuck around a few minutes longer before Lyra was there and whisking him away by the lips. All three remaining women grimaced. Sam laughed out loud and smiled wide enough it crinkled her eyes. Alex couldn't be too upset about the drinking if it had Sam smiling like that. Alex immediately threw out that thought. Sam didn't need the alcohol to smile like that.

Alex and Maggie went separate ways at the end of the night. Maggie volunteering to take Sam home and Alex, knowing that too much time together would implode the whole thing, made her way to her own apartment. It was a good night. There weren't bounds and leaps made but the Danvers sisters had been able to spend a night having fun at the same table. Hell. Alex would have been happy if it had just been in the same room. Work was good. Her relationship with Maggie was good. Her family was getting there. It was easy to fall asleep that night. Everything seemed to be falling into place.


	67. Chapter 67

**A/N: I may go a little MIA these next few weeks. I apologize in advance! A few questions to answer: while I'm going along with season 2, so all the way until the finale, Kara will be with Mon-El. She's just gonna have weird not completely platonic feelings around Lena b/c I'm toying with the idea of putting them together when I finish this story up (it won't be canon b/c the plan is to be finished before the new season starts). We're mostly through the sister-specific storm but we are moving into Poppa Danvers's return so that's a whole different storm. As for a romantic relationship for Sam, wait and see! (I'm thinking about it). As always, thanks for reading!**

Balancing the DEO and CatCo were usually easy. Most days, especially as a reporter, Kara could find reasons to leave CatCo. Today was not one of those days. Snapper was all over her for taking too many extended breaks.

It wasn't like Kara had a choice though. It was get reamed by Snapper or leave the citizens of National City high and dry. That was an easy choice. It wasn't making her life easy though.

She floated down onto the DEO balcony that they put in for just these kinds of entrances. Kara sighed heavy, hands on the stone banister, and looked out at her city. It was all worth it because she got to be a hero, protect these people. With another sigh, Kara went in. Hopefully she'd find Alex.

"Hey Sam." Kara called out as she made it down toward the computer bay. She looked around. Not even Winn was at his console. "Where is everyone?"

"Alex is looking into something with J'onn in her lab. Winn is…somewhere. I don't really know where he went. He asked me to watch the monitors so…"

"It better not be Guardian related."

"Kara, you know where I stand on that. Maybe we shouldn't talk about it."

"I don't mean it like that." Kara settled next to Sam and crossed her arms. "I meant because he's on duty at the DEO. Not in a he's not allowed to be part of team Guardian way."

Kara watched the monitors flash different parts of the city. It was calm at the moment. No crime or need for vigilant surveillance. Probably why Winn thought it okay to ask Sam to keep watch.

"How's your day?" Kara asked. She couldn't find Alex but she could still take advantage of some sister time. Her and Sam hadn't been alone since that night at her apartment either. This could be good.

"Slow. Trained this morning, helped Vasquez with some intel she needed a second opinion on. Now, I'm doing this. You?"

"Exhausting. You guys always keep tabs on me so I'm sure you know but it's been a busy day for petty crime."

"Yea, I noticed."

"And Snapper is _all_ over me about how much I've been gone. It's ridiculous! It's like, when I'm around he's mad at me for being in the office too much but when I'm gone, he says I'm taking too many breaks! I don't get that man!"

When Kara looked over at Sam, she was looking at her with wide eyes. It made Kara laugh and Sam soften into a smile then a chuckle.

"You should've seen your face!"

"Well…you just like _spewed_ information. It was overwhelming."

"Sorry." Kara said sheepishly. It was a lot in just a few sentences. Alex had learned to handle that, Sam…not so much. It was easy for Kara to forget because she didn't always think about who she was talking to. A bad habit she was trying to fix.

"No, it's, uh, okay."

Winn came rushing back in, saving them from the silence that was stretching into awkward. He was all hasty apologies and excuses. His collar was sitting off kilter and his hair was sticking up on one side. Kara narrowed her eyes at him.

"Winn!"

"What!?" He stared at her like a deer in head lights. "I didn't do anything!"

"Winn."

"Kara." Winn was losing steam. Kara could feel it. He was about to break. She didn't need to say anything more. "Okay! Fine! I'm _sorry_ but I couldn't help myself."

"What?" Sam asked like she really didn't want to know. Kara was sure she didn't.

"Yea, Winn. What?" Kara asked, her hands now on her hips. She couldn't believe he would do this. On duty!

"Um, so…uh. Ya know? We really don't need to talk about this. We can just let it go like it never happened. Right? That sounds like an awesome idea. We should do that."

"Oh my god." Sam said incredulously. Kara watched her sister look Winn up and down, zeroing in on the most obvious clues. "Dude. Really?"

"Okay, no." Winn pointed at Sam. "See, we aren't doing this. Nothing happened and that's the story we're sticking with."

"Next time you want to fuck your girlfriend." Kara winced at the harsh language, not expecting it. "Don't ask me to cover for you. Alex'll have my head."

"It wasn't like that! I didn't think–"

"Save it, Winn. I don't want to be an accomplice."

"And you're on duty!" Kara chimed in. "Do that in your free time! And in the privacy of your own home! Or hers! Ew, Winn."

Winn's shoulders sagged. He looked appropriately ashamed of himself so Kara decided to ease off him. It did bring to mind whether or not Mon-El had the same gray-area opinions on where and when it was okay to do… _that_. Sam rolling her eyes and walking away snapped her out of it.

"See ya, Supergirl." She threw back as a few more agents filtered in and out of the DEO main floor.

"Bye Sam!" Kara smiled and watched her walk away.

"That seemed like it went well." Winn commented, spinning his chair around to face Kara now that he was back to his console.

"Yea. I think so too. It was nice."

"Just keep being patient, Supergirl. She's coming around."

One week and it seemed like every day there were more and more baby steps taken. Kara had to agree with Winn. Things were changing and Sam was coming back around. Kara had tried to be more mindful and present. She and Alex had sat down and talked through their issues with Sam; the ones they were responsible for and the ones their sister took the blame for. They got it out in the open. Together because Alex always did better when she talked it out and Kara just didn't want to be disappointed in herself alone. Now, they just had to do something similar with Sam.


	68. Chapter 68

**A/N: I got some requests for longer chapters. Well, here you go! They take longer though so please continue to be patient with me! (not all of them are this long but all are over 1,000 words. No super short ones for a while!) I also took a little break because I felt like things could be better so I stepped away to refresh. We still have quite a few in between chapters to set the girls up before 'Homecoming'. I'll be getting around to writing to that hopefully this weekend/next week. Thank you for reading and enjoy!**

"Why exactly does the DEO respond to L-Corp's emergency calls? Shouldn't that be the police?" Sam asked as she sat in the back of the respondent van with Alex. They were jostled and bumped around as the driver sped through National City. With each sharp turn or pothole, Sam's grip on the strap hanging by her head tightened. Otherwise, she was unbothered. The streets of National City were nothing compared to the roads in Kyrgyzstan.

"Because Lena asked us to." Alex answered with a shrug. Sam made a face at that. It seemed like an inadequate reason. "And because L-Corp attracts the type of...criminal that we would normally deal with. Lena has her hand in extremely advanced technology. In the wrong hands, it definitely falls into the extra-normal category."

That made enough sense. It probably made Kara happy too. That thought brought up another question. "Supergirl going to be there?"

Alex shook her head. "There's a fire uptown that NCFD is having trouble with. She might show up once that's handled if we need her."

"Will we?"

"I don't think so. We respond as an over-cautious measure. Like I said before, the type of things L-Corp is experimenting in are highly advanced. It's in everyone's interest for us to be safe rather than sorry. This will probably be a lot like your first DEO encounter."

Alex was referring to Sam's disarming back when she first got to National City. Which she sounded glad about which confused Sam. The DEO had shut down portions of the city to catch those guys. It hadn't seemed like a particularly positive outing for them.

"But better managed." Alex finished. She rolled her eyes. "We were training new field leaders and it did not go well. This time, I've got it and it will go better."

Sam smirked. Alex was so self-assured. It was a weird juxtaposition to what she could be like in her normal life. Well, their normal lives weren't exactly normal. Off-duty, Sam decided, in her off-duty life. A rougher bump pulled her out of her thoughts.

Alex lifted her free hand to steady Sam. A question in her eyes if Sam was okay. She replied with a nod. It felt like they had been in that van forever. That was more a product of Sam's nerves than the actual time they had been en route.

"ETA one minute." The driver called back.

"Got it." Alex answered. She turned to the agents in the van. "Let's go over this one more time. We're about to arrive at L-Corp's east lab. Their security system registered a break in of their basement storage room. Ms. Luthor says that is where they keep their most top secret projects. Suspects are still in there. They have been cornered by L-Corp's security so they will probably be a little jumpy. Be careful and give them space. We don't need to escalate things unless absolutely necessary."

A round of nods agreed with her. "Hill and Sam, you're with me. We'll run point. Parker, take Wang and Brown; stick close to me until we get to the basement. Sanchez, Jensen, and Lee, you're backup. Once we're in, create a perimeter and maintain it. There are two entrances to the building as well as a loading bay. I need an agent at each. J'onn is sending backup so sit tight until they get here. After that, attention on your comms. We'll call if we need you.

"Is everyone clear on their assignment?"

Sam wasn't except for the fact that she was with Alex but she didn't speak up. That was obviously all she needed to know for the time being. Another round of nods answered Alex just as the van was coming to a stop.

"Let's go then." Alex said grimly. She led them out of the van. The agents moved like a finely tuned machine. Sanchez led Jensen and Lee around the building. Alex jogged forward with Hill on her heels and Sam to the left of Hill. Parker, Wang, and Brown behind them.

The building wasn't large. Width-wise, Sam was surprised at how small it was. It went up three stories which made Sam wonder how far down it went. They all filed through the front doors.

It was deserted. Some chairs left out from desks and a few papers on the ground were the only things that stuck out that something was wrong. Otherwise, the lab appeared to just be closed.

Sanchez's voice flared through the comm. _"Perimeter is secure and we're awaiting backup."_

"Copy. No one gets in or out unless I saw otherwise." Alex replied. She motioned them towards the stairs.

They moved silently. The noise from their boots and gear was muffled. Luckily, Sam was used to the stealth aspect. Her search and destroy missions, as she used to jokingly call them, in the army had been a quiet job too. Not this quiet but it wasn't hard to adapt to.

Floor after floor disappeared above them. All unmarked. Sam kept track in her head. When they reached the fourth sub-floor, Sanchez came over the comm again, _"Backup has arrived, Danvers. Waiting on orders."_

"Sit tight." Alex whispered. "We haven't even gotten to L-Corp's security yet."

That changed once they passed the next floor. Two men with heavier gunpower than Sam though any building security was meant to have blocked their path.

"Stop." One man took his hand off his rifle and raised it in front of him. "Who are you?"

"Agent Danvers, DEO." Alex answered, her tone not the nicest. Sam thought that the security would have known to expect them. Alex said the DEO answered all L-Corp emergency calls. The man nodded but didn't move. "What are we dealing with?"

"Four men. We think one is alien but it's hard to tell. They have masks on."

"They always do." Alex muttered. "How long have they been in there?"

The man checked the watch on his wrist. "Almost 45 minutes now."

"Are they hostile?"

The man looked at his partner and back to Alex. Sam checked the partner out too. Something felt off. From what Sam knew of Lena, she liked order. A lot. But these men had their L-Corp badges clipped in different places. Their uniforms were subtly different. All black like all L-Corp security, if the security at the corporate office was anything to go by, but their boots were different from each other, their shirts different. Not uniform.

"At first they were. Now that we have them cornered, no. That's why we're here."

"Do you know what they're after?"

The men exchanged looks again. "Uh, no. We don't."

Sam stepped up to Alex. She leaned forward, to whisper over her sister's shoulder. "Look at their badges."

She really hoped that Alex picked up on why that was weird. It was the quickest way to communicate Sam's paranoia. She stepped back.

"I need to speak with your superior. There's not enough information for me to advise my team."

"Uh. That's not possible. Our, uh, comms are down."

Alex nodded slowly. "Then could you please move so I can go find someone with more information?"

"No. Our last order was to not let anyone through…because they're hostile."

Alex sprung forward without warning. She grabbed the barrel of the vocal man's gun and wrenched it up. The element of surprised helped her. His grip was lax enough that she was able to grab the butt and smack him across the face with his own weapon.

Hill drew her weapon on the partner. No one else moved. Sam's hand hovered over her holster but they were in a small space. It would be mostly for show if she did pull it.

Alex relieved the unconscious man of his rifle. She passed it back to Wang who slung it over his shoulder. Then, she turned back to the partner, now with his hands up. Rifle still in hand, pointing toward the ceiling. Alex held her hand out and he turned over the weapon.

"What are your friends looking for down there?" The partner didn't answer. "If you help me, things get easier for you. I can tell the cops you cooperated. That goes a long way." Still nothing. "Fine." Alex turned her back on the man. Hill didn't move. She was deadly still, gun pointed at the partner. "Wang, Brown. Secure these guys and call up to Sanchez. Let him know we have a pick up. Once they're gone, stay here. This is the only way back up."

Wang and Brown moved to detain the men with zip-tie cuffs. Hill finally lowered her weapon once the partner was firmly secured. Alex motioned to Hill, Sam, and Parker.

"You three are still with me. Be on alert. I don't think they were kidding when they said their communications were down but we don't know if these guys are really cornered or not."

She looked at Sam. Sam tried to brush it off. This was not the time for Alex to be all sisterly. They were working. Not sisters.

They descended the next two flights of stairs quickly and quietly. Bottom floor. Storage only. They hadn't come across anyone else. Alex stepped back and Parker moved into her place. He knelt and took out a long, flexible steel rod and a tablet. Sam watched as he slid it under the door and an image popped onto the tablet screen.

On the other side of the door, only the emergency lights were on. They were few and far between. Giving only just enough light but keeping the room in mostly shadows. There was no one on the other side. Alex tapped Parker twice on the shoulder and the man extracted the rod and moved back. Alex slowly turned the handle to push the door open. They filed in past her.

Sam crouched behind a large wooden crate. She popped the strap over her gun and un-holstered it. They could hear voices and they were close.

She watched Alex motion Parker to the left, Hill to the right, and Sam with her. Sam was not officially done with training so she had to stay with her field leader unless instructed otherwise by J'onn. It didn't bother her though. Alex was selflessly stubborn. She wouldn't send anyone in but herself for the dangerous stuff, and that was where Sam wanted to be.

Alex pulled her weapon out too then looked back at Sam. She nodded once and moved off, still crouched. Sam followed. As they got closer, the conversation between the men became clear. Sam counted four men. Just like the fake guards said.

"It's too heavy to carry out." One man complained. He sounded nervous.

"That's why we brought Don, idiot." Another snapped back at him.

"What about Willy and Mike?" The nervous guy tried again. "We haven't heard back from them in a really long time."

"Owen! Shut up!" The same angry guy half-shouted at him. "Willy and Mikey are fine. The comms are down, that's all. Calm the fuck down."

"Nathan. That tone is exactly what's going to screw this up. We're in this together. Start acting like it." A man with a smooth voice reprimanded. "Now, Don. Can you lift this? We need to get a move on. Authorities are going to be showing up soon."

Alex held up a closed fist to stop Sam. The voices were coming from the other side of the shelving they were using as cover.

 _"The men from the stairwell have been taken into custody. They are en route for NCPD's main station. On your word, Danvers."_ Sanchez relayed over the comm. Alex didn't respond. She couldn't.

"I theenk I can geet et no probleem. Thee only issue would bee if wee geet caught." Don had a weird accent. It was gravely and…kind of French? That wasn't right but Sam couldn't figure out what it actually was.

"No shit." Nathan, the angry guy, mumbled.

"Enough." The smooth voiced man snapped. "Can you get it or not, Don? Obviously, it is an issue if we get caught. For all of us."

"Yees."

"We need to hurry." Owen whined again. "Eli, we're way past the time limit we gave ourselves."

"That happens when there is more security than we originally thought." Eli, the man with the smooth voice, replied. "A shame, isn't it, Nathan?"

"There was only one guard per floor every time I made a delivery here, alright? I don't know why they had extra today."

Sam saw Hill move into position. She tapped the comm once. A muted second of static. Easily missed if Alex hadn't been listening for it. Two taps meant Parker was in place. Alex tapped as well. One, long moment of muted static. They were all in place.

Alex nudged Sam toward the edge of the shelving to see what she could. Sam peered around. Her eyes were immediately drawn to a hulking alien with light orange skin. He looked like a body builder. He was easily seven feet tall. Couldn't tell if he was an alien or not, Sam's ass.

Around him were three other men. One was built but nowhere near Don's, Sam assumed, size. He looked grouchy and Sam, again assumed, that man was Nathan. Another man stood a step away from the others. His arms crossed and his chin held rigidly. Eli. No doubt about it. That left Owen as the man partially blocked from view by Don.

They were standing around a medium sized crate. The top had been popped off. Sam couldn't see what it was but whatever was inside was glowing faintly. An icy blue.

"We were paid too much to mess this up. It doesn't matter why we have run into these mishaps but we need to get this out of here now."

Sam held up a four to Alex. Her sister nodded and moved toward the other side of the shelving. She raised one hand, letting it fall forward to signal their call to action. Alex popped to her full height and held her gun out straight.

"Don't move. DEO."

Sam followed suit. As did Parker and Hill. Owen yelped and threw his hands up. A folded cloth fell out of his hand and silver tools clinked around him on the floor. Old school lock picks. That surprised Sam. The massive alien lumbered around to face them. He put his hands up too. Nathan's face hardened but his hands went up.

Eli was the only one who didn't move to placate the agents around him. He smiled. "Ah. The Department of Extra-normal Operations. I was told you might try to interfere."

That threw Alex a bit. Not enough for the men to notice but Sam did. "Who told you that?"

"Our employer. Lillian Luthor says hello, by the way." He smiled and pushed a button on the remote in his hand. Sam hadn't noticed it before. She cursed as the storage room was thrown into actual darkness. Not just shadow.

The crate still glowed though. Sam could see enough. She fired and hit Don in the calf, crippling their exit plan. She darted forward but before she could get too far, a fist came out of nowhere and blindsided her from the left. She staggered two steps.

The sounds of fighting around her dimmed before coming back in full force. Sam looked up in time to see a shadowy figure cock their arm back to punch again. She dropped to a knee and threw a haymaker into the man's stomach, putting her weight behind it. The man dropped coughing and gasping for breath. Sam lunged forward. She shoved the guy over and jammed her knee into his back. She fumbled with her zip-tie cuffs but managed to get them on him.

Then Sam pushed herself up. She shook her head; she really needed to stop taking shots to it. Around her, things were chaotic. The lights needed to come back on. Sam had noticed a fuse box by the door when they came in. She snatched her flashlight sight from the side of her holster and ran off toward the door. She tripped a few times, went the wrong way in her haste but eventually, Sam made it.

She threw open the box door and shined the light in. There were at least a hundred switches. More than what seemed necessary for the storage room. Sam ignored them. At the top was a main switch. She pushed it all the way to off then slammed it back on.

The lights flickered. Slowly coming back on. It was better than the dark though. The room was now dimly light. Enough to see.

Sam dashed back. Eli was on his stomach, a gash near his temple dripping blood, with his hands cuffed behind his back. Owen sat with his hands behind his back. Nathan was on his side; Sam guessed that was who attacked her. The only one still putting up a fight was Don. The shot to the calf barely slowing him down.

Alex, Hill, and Parker had him surrounded. Alex and Parker had their weapons trained on him but Hill was gunless. There was a tear at the shoulder of her uniform.

Don had a two by four from the crate in one hand and claws out on the other. He wasn't backing down, Sam knew Alex wouldn't shoot unless he made a move to hurt someone. They couldn't get close enough to detain him though.

Sam made a really stupid decision as she was getting closer. She pushed herself a little faster. She jumped onto a small crate and then onto the shelves that her and Alex had been hiding behind.

The shelves and Sam fell onto the back of the alien. He yelled out as they made contact, taking him down. Only his shoulders were poking out from under the shelves. Sam yelped and rolled off. Her hand had slid on the metal of a shelf and was now heavily bleeding. She grabbed it to stop the blood flow and winced as it stung on contact.

Alex and Parker moved quickly to the alien. They hefted the shelves off before dragging his massive arms behind his back.

"We're gonna need more than the zip-ties." Alex announced. "Hill, get up to med. We should have a truck out there by now."

Hill, clutching her shoulder, nodded and left. Alex didn't look at Sam. She avoided that entire area of the storage room. She reached up and clicked her comm.

"Situation contained. I need backup down here to escort these guys out. We'll need stronger restraints for one of them. A large, light orange alien. Strong. He's unconscious right now but I don't know for how long. I'll need those restraints ASAP."

 _"Copy, Danvers. We'll be right down."_ Sanchez answered. _"Agent status?"_

"Hill is on her way up. She took a slash to the shoulder by the alien. Parker got a little beat up. I'm fine. I will take care of Sam. Bring me a kit."

Sam didn't like the sound of that. Nor did she enjoy that Alex still wouldn't look in her direction. She tightened her grip on her hand. It hurt but she needed it to stop bleeding.

 _"Copy."_

"Go ahead." Parker nodded toward Sam as he moved to take Alex's place near Don the massive alien. "I'll make sure he doesn't go anywhere."

Alex looked at Parker for a long time. Then she walked away. She stopped in front of Sam but barely. "Come on."

Sam followed. Her hackles rising. Alex was not happy and Sam would bet it was because of her. Not that her behavior made it hard to guess. It didn't make sense though. Everything went fine. They got the guys and whatever they were trying to take from the storage room was still in the room.

They walked to another clearing where a makeshift work area was. Alex pointed to the table. She turned and walked away once Sam was seated on it. Sam watched her sister wait at the outskirts of the work area. Long minutes passed. Finally, the rest of the team made it down to the storage room. Brown stopped and handed Alex's kit to her.

Sam's nerves were on high. She knew she was going to get yelled at. She could feel it, see it in the set of Alex's jaw and the hardness in her eyes.

Alex didn't say anything as she settled into a chair. She placed the med kit on the table next to Sam's hip and rummaged through it. Once her hands were gloved, she took Sam's bleeding hand and examined it. It was gentle which put Sam a little at ease.

"That was reckless." Alex finally said.

"It got the job done." Sam winced as Alex started to clean the cut.

"True but you got injured and honestly, you're lucky it was just a cut. There are so many ways that could have gone wrong. What if it didn't take him down? You would've been at a distinct disadvantage against an enemy that already has a natural advantage over you.

"And I want to yell at you for firing without provocation but honestly, that was a good shot and good strategy. You took away their exit plan. Even if they got away, it wouldn't be with that crate."

Well that didn't continue how Sam thought it was going to. Her defenses lowered a bit at the praise. Alex began wrapping her hand.

"You were the first to notice those guys weren't L-Corp. I was distracted but you caught it. This could have ended differently if you hadn't."

"Am I in trouble or what? This is mostly just a confusing combination of being scolded and praised. I'm not real sure how to take it."

Alex smiled and _finally_ looked at Sam. She slipped the end of the wrap in to hold it tight. "It's both. Noticing those guys were fakes, taking action to cripple their plans, getting the lights on. Those were all great. But, that last move can't happen again.

"Our job is dangerous enough without having a death wish. And, if you're hurt, you can't work. You're grounded, Sam. No field missions until either one of the other doctors or myself clear you."

"What? Come on. It's not even that bad!"

"You need at least five stitches, Sam. Don't bother trying." Alex smiled at her again. "So, take aways: I'm proud of you but I will kill you myself if you do anything that reckless again. Got it?"

"Yea." Sam calmed herself down even further. Grounded or not, Alex was only giving her this weird lecture-praise because she was worried about Sam. It wasn't anger that kept Alex from looking at Sam earlier. It was fear. "Got it."

"Let's get back then. I need to oversee clean up."

Sam stuck by Alex as the DEO broke down the crime scene. They had called NCPD in as official policy dictated. Maggie was all business. It was a different side than Sam had seen. That is, until the officers and agents were busy and focused. Then the flirty, playful Maggie made her appearance. She teased Sam a bit and went back and forth with Alex.

It was a relief when they made it back to the DEO. That is, until she had to get stitches and then Alex stuck Sam with the paperwork since her grounding had apparently started same day. It was slow going. Sam's right hand, dominate hand, was the injured one. Even typing was difficult and painful. The stitches itched and pulled. When Kara came in, dressed as a civilian, Sam was death glaring her computer and on the verge of grumbling to herself.

That is, until Kara placed a steaming to-go cup on her desk. She walked away without saying anything. Sam paused as she watched her go then dropped her eyes to the cup. She sniffed it. Took a small sip. It was scalding hot but sweet. Hot chocolate. Just like that day, a _long_ time ago, when Sam took Kara out for the same drink and a cinnamon roll. It made Sam smile. Which she obviously tried to hide when Kara looked back at her with her own smile and wave.


	69. Chapter 69

Paperwork was awful. Maggie was intimately aware of that fact. Early in her career, before she was a detective, she almost quit because of it. Or maybe it was because her sexist captain gave the majority of the paperwork to Maggie. Her stubborn, fuck you mentality was probably the only thing that saved her career.

Maggie was also aware that Sam was like Alex. Just. Like. Alex. Who also hated paperwork with a passion that surpassed Maggie's. Now, to her, it was just an inconvenience of helping those who needed it. A product of her own actions. That wasn't the case at the DEO. They were too thorough.

According to Alex, each team was responsible for a report for every mission and for their official training sessions. Usually teams had someone specifically meant for this job. On Alex's team, that was Parker. She said he had majored in English or something in college and enjoyed writing so he volunteered for it. Alex hadn't asked any questions. She was just thankful she didn't have to do it.

But now that Sam was grounded, that term always made Maggie laugh, she took over. Parker still handled the field reports but Sam was now on training report and daily report duty. Daily reports, Maggie was learning, were day to day diagnostic reports on general DEO functioning. There was also equipment inventory, for the team and Alex's lab, and Supergirl records that made Sam pay closer attention to what Kara was up to in her super suit. All of which were usually Alex's job.

It had been two full days of this. Alex was in a phenomenal mood due to her lighter load. Maggie had no idea what kind of mood Sam was in, they hadn't spoken much other than Maggie asking if she was okay after Alex told her what happened. She could assume that she would not be very happy. That's why Maggie was strolling into the DEO with a greasy bag and milkshake tray from Five Guys.

Sam was seated two consoles away from Winn, the furthest computer from the rest of the room. She held her right hand awkwardly and stabbed at the keys with her middle finger and index finger. Her other hand typing as usual. The Danvers Crinkle was out with a vengeance and her mouth was a firm frown. Definitely not in a good mood then.

Maggie veered into Alex's office. Her girlfriend was bent over the table, gloves and googles on. She tapped on the door frame to not startle her and risk messing up whatever Alex was working on.

"Hang on." Maggie waited without going in. It was a tossup if whatever Alex was working on at any given point in her lab was safe. Alex tapped her glass stirring stick on the side of a petri dish. She stood and turned toward the door, smiling when she saw it was Maggie. She took off her glasses and gloves as she greeted her properly, "Hey! I didn't know you were stopping by."

Maggie held up the bag. "I thought I'd try to cheer Sam up after you assigned her to hell."

"Maggie." Alex said, a touch exasperated. "She is not in hell."

"She is totally in paperwork hell, babe, and you put her there."

"Well, she's grounded. She needs to be doing something."

"I know." Maggie smiled. "I'm just giving you a hard time."

Alex playfully narrowed her eyes at her. Then she gestured to the bag as she moved to wash her hands. "I see you brought out the big guns. Anything for me?"

"No. There's not even anything for me. Well, besides the other milkshake." Maggie chuckled. "I'm just dropping it off. I don't really have a lunch today."

"Oh." Alex pouted unconsciously as she dried her hands and faced Maggie, she reached for the chocolate milkshake that she knew was for Maggie and took a drink before putting it back in the tray. "Are you going to have to work late? What about dinner?"

"That's why I'm working through lunch. I'll be there for dinner, don't worry! I'm not going to bail. Not after the week of bailing we've had."

"If you really need to then–"

Whatever exit from dinner Maggie was sure Alex was about to give her was cut off as Kara swooped into the lab. Maggie stumbled a step from Kara knocking her shoulder.

"Oh! I'm so sorry, Maggie!" Kara exclaimed as a hand flashed to Maggie's shoulders to steady her. One grabbed the other side of the drink tray to keep it from falling. Kara flashed her a sheepish smile.

It wasn't like Maggie could be too mad though. Not at Little Danvers. Especially when she was buzzing and beaming with excitement. Kara took only one extra second to make sure Maggie was steady before she whirled around to Alex only to whip back toward Maggie.

"Alex! Guys! Oh my god! You _will never_ guess what just happened!"

"Other than you almost killing my girlfriend?" Alex deadpanned. She moved toward Maggie and ran a hand over her shoulder blade as the other one gripped around her rotator cuff and shoulder joint. Maggie smiled, a little giddy still at Alex referring to her so freely as her girlfriend.

"I'm fine, Al. Really." She assured her before turning her attention to the almost exploding Kryptonian. "What happened?"

"Sam!" Kara said loudly then clapped both hands over her mouth. She went onto her tiptoes and leaned to see around the couple. Her eyes were wide. Both women turned but everything looked normal out on the main floor. Sam was still hunched toward her computer.

Maggie laughed as the youngest sister, frustrated, flopped back in her chair and shoved the keyboard forward. Poor kid was stressed out and frustrated. Her uninjured hand went up to rub at her forehead. Another shared Danvers habit it seemed.

"Sam," Kara started, at a normal volume, "was just really nice to me! Which, ya know, is extra great because she is _so_ pissed about the grounding and paperwork thing."

"Okay! For the last time, it is DEO regulation that injured agents are grounded until they are able to do their jobs at peak performance!"

"I know, I know! She's still mad about it though but not the point! I came in and she told me that I handled the fire on 142nd and Gale really well." Kara paused and looked at them expectantly, excitedly.

"So you're that burning smell." Maggie commented.

"Not the point!" Kara yelped. "She complimented me and I didn't even do anything to get her to talk to me. I just went in and was talking to Winn and she said that!"

"As great as that is, Kara, I think we should stop making a big deal out of her being nice." Alex started cautiously. It seemed she didn't want to shatter Kara's good mood but Maggie agreed with her. Stop treating it like a rarity and it'll stop being one.

Kara did crumble a little. Alex was quick to continue. "Seriously, it's great. I'm really happy you guys are getting better and that it made you so happy but if we want this to be a normal thing than we need to stop acting like it's Christmas morning each time."

"But I love Christmas." Kara pouted. Maggie laughed. That was so not the point.

"I know you do." Alex put her hands on Kara's shoulders. "But you don't freak out about Christmas year-round do you?" Kara shook her head. "And our sister isn't a holiday."

"Well can we at least celebrate and try to have a sister night?"

Alex sucked in air through her teeth, taking a step back from Kara. She looked back at Maggie. "I don't know. It seems a little fast."

"But today went well!" Kara whined, bouncing on her feet.

"What if I came?" Maggie butted in. "It might seem less sister-y and potentially uncomfortable for Sam if I'm there. I'll be like a buffer for her."

Alex was nodding along. "Ease her into it."

"Yea. Exactly."

Kara scrunched up her face. "But it's sister night."

"I know, and I'm not trying to intrude!" Maggie was quick to placate. She really wasn't trying to invade sister night. She was adamant that Alex have things that didn't include Maggie. They were separate, independent people in a relationship. They weren't co-dependent in any sense of the word. "This is just a one off, Little Danvers. We ease Sam into it this once and then it's all Danvers, all the time. I promise."

"Okay." Kara said, still a little unsure.

"It'll be better for Sam, Kara." Alex put her voice with Maggie's. Kara knew they were right but she was a traditionalist. She didn't like to mess with the flow of things. Maggie could respect that but if she wanted Sam, this is what they needed to do.

"Okay, yea. You guys are right. Sister night plus Maggie is a go."

"When?"

"Tonight?" Kara suggested. Alex looked at Maggie, guilty and pleading. She didn't even have to ask. Maggie knew what that look meant and she was happy to give in.

"It's okay, Danvers. This is more important."

"Wait. Did you guys have plans or something?" Kara asked quickly. "We can do it another night! I don't want you guys to cancel."

"Nah, it's okay. Like I said, this is more important." Was Maggie disappointed even if it was more important? Yea. It didn't matter though. They could have dinner another night. "But I gotta go. I'm already late getting back to work and Sam's food is getting cold. Text me the details."

Maggie didn't give either woman a proper goodbye. That disappointment was sitting a little heavier than she intended it to. She just wanted to get out of there.

"Hey Baby Danvers!" She called out, forcing some good cheer into her voice. Keeping that easy, happy charm she was so good at. She shook the bag in front of her. "I got you something."

Sam swiveled in her chair. Her head laid back against it. She was annoyed and unamused by Maggie's easy, happy charm. That was their thing though. She was happy to see Sam perk up a little when she saw the food.

It was quickly covered with skepticism. "Why exactly are you bringing me food?"

Maggie stopped mid-step, just a few feet from Sam. She turned a bit toward the main doors. "You don't want it? I can just head out then. I'm sure some of the guys at the station would enjoy it."

"No, no!" Sam sat up quickly and reached for the bag, making grabby hands. "I want it. I was only asking." She plopped the bag on the table and opened it up. "Thanks."

"You're welcome but I gotta get outta here. And listen," Maggie hesitated. Maybe she shouldn't be the one to bring this up. She didn't want Sam to be blindsided though. "Your sisters are gonna ask you to hang out tonight. I'm gonna be there and I think you should say yes."

Sam looked at her as she ate some fries. She wiped her mouth then her hands with one of the napkins. "Tonight?"

"Yea."

"Is it because I told Kara she did a good job with that fire?"

Maggie smiled. "Kind of. I think it's more that they've been wanting to do this but were waiting for the right time and that made it seem like the right time."

"And you think I should go?"

The question tripped Maggie up a bit. She wasn't expecting it. Sam didn't ask for a whole lot of advice. Or help in general. Her smile grew wider and softer; dimples out and crinkled eyes.

"You want to have a better relationship with your sisters, right?" Sam nodded. "Then yea, I do. You can't keep fighting every step they're trying to take if that's what you want because it's what they want too and it won't just magically get better. It'll take work and it might not always be good but it will get better if you want it to."

"How long have you been practicing that speech?" Sam smirked and used reaching for her milkshake as an excuse to break eye contact with Maggie, turn into herself a bit.

"Just waiting on you to ask for it." Maggie chuckled. "I gotta go, Sam. I'll see you tonight?"

Maggie was walking away, backwards. Sam placed her cup down, looking at Maggie again. "We'll see."

"Awesome. See you tonight."

Now all she had to do was tackle several hours of work in a couple hours. No problem. She could do it. Especially since the Danvers girls needed her to help tonight go smoothly. _Alex_ needed her for things to go smoothly.

Maggie's phone pinged as she climbed into her cruiser. She pulled it out and a text from Alex showed on the screen. Speak of the devil, Maggie thought.

 **-I'll make up canceling dinner. I promise! (A)**

Another one came in after that. She hadn't noticed the typing ellipsis.

 **-And thank you. I can't tell you how much I appreciate this. Sam likes you and you two have this weird connection and you keep her calm (A)**

 **-Should I be worried? (winking emoji) (A)**

Maggie chuckled at the texts. They were very un-Alex like. Rambling and in quick secession. She was nervous and disappointed or not, that was enough to cement Maggie's decision to cancel dinner.

 **-Yes. Be very worried that I want to date your 22 year old sister. (baby then heart then old lady emojis) Don't worry about dinner, babe. I'm happy to help out. I want you guys to be good again (M)**

 **-I really do need to get back to work and get shit done. I'll call you when I'm off** **M)**


	70. Chapter 70

The second half of her day was exactly as long as Maggie knew it was going to be. She worked double time to get unfinished reports done, research open cases, run correspondence for other departments, and get in one patrol around a problem area of the city that has had a series of cases pop up too close together to be coincidence. But, when six rolled around, Maggie felt good about walking out of the station. She got a lot of what she needed done. She'd have to go in early tomorrow to maintain that good feeling but that was all part of the job, of a good detective and a good girlfriend.

Alex had texted a few hours ago with details. They were hanging out at Alex's because it would probably put Sam even more at ease. They were going to order pizza, Alex would make sure that Maggie's mushrooms, olives, and sausage pizza would be included in that order. They had ice cream in the freezer. Again Alex ensured that her favorite strawberry vegan ice cream would be in there too. They were going to watch _Billy Madison_ and _Happy Gilmore._

It all sounded perfectly sisterly. Especially since Sam agreed to come. She hated to admit it but Maggie was a little nervous that she was going to say no. Sam was hard to read sometimes. She did things out of spite or stubbornness. A lot of times it seemed like Sam did, or didn't do, things just because it would be what others wanted. It added an air of unpredictability to her.

From her car, Maggie called Alex like she said she would. It took two rings before Alex answered, sounding a little frantic.

 _"Hello?"_

"Hey. You okay?"

 _"What? Yea. I'm fine. Why?"_

Maggie chuckled. "I can hear how nervous you are from here."

 _"That technically doesn't make any sense because you aren't here per say but we're on the phone so, technically, you are here."_

"Annnd you're breaking down my joke. You're definitely nervous."

Alex let out a short, noisy exhale. _"Maybe a little."_

"What time is everyone heading over?"

 _"I didn't tell you that?"_ Alex sounded honestly surprised at herself. _"7:30. Sam and I got off a little after six and I know she's going to need some time to prepare herself for this. Sorry it's kind of late."_

It normally wouldn't be an issue. Except today it was. Maggie worked an extra hour past her contract time and was going to have to go in more than just an hour early tomorrow since she couldn't stay longer and hadn't worked through lunch like she thought she was going to. But it was fine. It didn't matter that they probably wouldn't go to bed until well after ten.

"It's fine." It was said a little harsher than Maggie meant but she plowed on. "I'm gonna stop at home and shower. Then I'll be over. Okay?"

 _"Yea."_ Alex sounded nervous in a different way now. The soft, unsure tone she got when she thought Maggie was mad at her or that she did something wrong. It pulled at Maggie's heart but that disappointment and stress from work and the prospect of a late night and early morning were stronger. _"Are you sure this is okay? Having sister night instead of dinner. I know it isn't what we planned and I'm sorry but–"_

"Al, babe." Maggie cut in, trying not to let her irritation seep into her voice. The level of success she was having was debatable. "It's fine. I'll be over soon."

 _"Okay."_

Despite that she knew better, Maggie hung up after that. It was as good as a bye. Right? It was implied that their conversation was over. Whatever.

Maggie got half way home before she sighed heavily and couldn't ignore how guilty she felt anymore. At the next red light, she pulled her phone out and shot a text to Alex.

 **-That was shitty and I'm sorry. I just have a lot going on at work. I didn't mean to be an ass. I can't wait to see you tonight and spend time with your sisters. I never see Kara outside of the DEO and I never see Sam with both of you and I don't care where I see you as long as I get to see you (M)**

She threw her phone onto the passenger seat as the light changed. She kept glancing at it, waiting for Alex's response. Even after she got home and into her apartment, she still hadn't gotten one. It was making her nervous. Enough that she rushed through her shower.

What felt like a futile check gave her what she wanted. A text from Alex was waiting. Only a few minutes old.

 **-It's ok. Do you think you can be here early? (A)**

 **-Of course. I'm on my way in ten (M)**

Maggie had already planned on being early. Alex's palpable nerves had put the idea in her head and then her moment of asshole-ness made the decision for her. Maggie threw on jeans and an old t-shirt, pulled on socks and slid her feet into an untied pair of sneakers. She would probably end up changing into something comfier at Alex's. It was all about speed at the moment.

She took her bike over. Parking would be easier, just find Alex's and park next to it. And, Maggie hadn't had the time to take it out much. It felt good too. A sense of freedom that she forgot she loved. Maybe a little chilly for a ride but Alex's wasn't very far, it didn't bother her too much.

It was still a little weird for Maggie to let herself into Alex's. She'd done it almost daily for the past several weeks but it still had that awkward, giddy newness to it. A very unusual sight met her when she walked in: Alex sprawled out, face down on her couch. Most nights, Maggie had to drag Alex into relaxing. She was a busybody. Always moving and doing something.

"Alex? You okay?" Maggie asked cautiously. She settled next to her and ran a hand through Alex's hair.

"Yea." was the muffled reply.

"That was very convincing." Alex shifted and curled around Maggie, resting her head against her thigh. Maggie teased, "There she is."

"I'm really nervous. I don't know why."

"Because this matters and you want it to go well?"

"But we've done this before. I shouldn't be freaking out like this."

"Babe. I know you act all tough but you're actually a big softie. I'm not surprised at all that you're nervous."

"Shut up." Alex tried but her smile ruined the attempt to be mad. She shuffled more around Maggie, pillowing her head to look more up at her. "What was up earlier?"

"Eh, nothing." Maggie shrugged off the question. She didn't want to talk about it. There was no reason to make a deal out of it. The feelings would pass soon anyways. "I'm good."

Alex sighed and looked at her expectantly. "What about emotions and not running away from them? I think I remember a couple conversations about that."

So much for not talking about it. Maggie laughed at Alex's attempted coyness. It was not something she was good at. " _Fine_. You're right. Uh." She trailed off. It felt stupid to open this can of worms. There was nothing they could do about it now.

A voice in the back of her head told her she was being stupid. Communication was important whether events could be changed or not. Otherwise, it would fester and get worse.

"I was really looking forward to dinner but!" She rushed as Alex was about to interrupt. "This is more important. We should do sister night. That doesn't mean I'm not a little disappointed that it's not just us tonight though."

"So, it wasn't work?"

"It is a little bit. I didn't get to work through lunch like I planned and I got another case on top of everything else. I'm gonna have to go in early tomorrow. It's kind of just all of it together. I wanna be here though, Al. Your family is important to me. _You_ are important to me. I'm sorry I let work and all that make me act like a jerk."

"I wish you would've said something sooner. We could have done this some other night."

Maggie shrugged. "We can have dinner some other night too. I just had a day, Alex. Please don't worry about it."

"Okay. But next time, don't bottle it up. We're working on that, remember?"

"Vaguely." Maggie joked. She leaned down and kissed Alex.

"We'll just watch one movie and then kick them out so you can get to sleep earlier." Alex said as Maggie pulled back. She nodded. Part of her, the one that remembered not to be selfish, wanted to say it wasn't necessary. The part that was selfish and knew she needed sleep kept her quiet.

She always struggled to remember herself when with others. Then it became a vicious cycle of being frustrated when those people walked all over her. Bad habits die hard and Maggie was hoping that one would hurry up and keel over. Alex was not those people. What she just suggested was proof of it. Maggie was in good hands. She needed to remember that when it was time to communicate. And always.

They passed the time until Kara and then Sam showed up easily. Alex and Maggie cuddled on the couch. After the pizza arrived, they set up their movie spread. Pizza boxes and napkins on the coffee table. Snack bowls on the side tables. Drinks were left in the fridge as were the ice cream in the freezer.

Kara showed up first. Just as nervous as Alex. Maybe more so but Maggie thought she had good reason. Sam seemed to more naturally gravitate toward Alex, their past grievances aside. She didn't have that sibling pull with Kara. At least not as strongly. Sam had spent too much time trying to hate her.

Surprisingly, when Sam got there, things settled. All four women fell into this slightly tense but easy routine. Maggie sat on the floor between Alex and Sam's legs, they were behind her on the couch. Kara sat on the floor on the other side of the table.

They ate pizza and snacks and chatted about work or their friends or anything really. All small talk, safe subjects. Maggie noticed that Sam didn't contribute much. She mostly listened. She _was_ listening though. It was easy to see it was because Sam was nervous, on guard. A little like she was waiting for some sort of other shoe to fall.

It never exactly fell but something similar. As the night wore on, Sam got more and more tense. It was rubbing off on Alex and flustering Kara. Maggie couldn't figure out why. Nothing had changed. They finished eating, were still just chatting. Alex had gotten up to clean. Maggie knew it was to do something about the tense energy she was feeling.

Kara was fumbling for something to talk about. Sam was just sitting, sulking it seemed, and watching her sister struggle. Maggie caught Alex's eye from the kitchen and nodded at Kara. It was times like this that Maggie loved, more than usual, Alex's ability to read her.

"Hey Kara. Could you help me for a minute?"

Kara popped up in a rush. "Of course!"

Maggie took advantage of the relative privacy. She turned to Sam. "You alright?"

"Fine."

"Sam, come on." Maggie glanced back then shifted to better face Sam and cut off her view of the sisters in the kitchen. Make it seem like they had even more privacy. "It's obvious something's up. And that's okay."

"I'm _fine_ , Maggie." It was exactly snapped at her but Maggie still felt like the words like a whip. Sam was not happy. No matter what she was saying.

"If you don't want to be here then leave, Sam. No one is forcing you and we don't need to force this. We have time."

Sam scoffed. "Sure."

That was all Maggie got. Then Sam was standing. She snatched her jacket off the back of the couch. Sam stopped with her hand on the handle. Alex and Kara had been watching her since she got up but hadn't said anything. Sam turned and hesitated. Maggie watched her eyes drop before she pulled them back up. Now timid unlike the hostility she had given Maggie.

"I have to go. So…bye."

"Wait–" Kara started. Alex put her hand on her arm to stop her. Alex nodded at Sam. She hid her disappointment well. Maggie saw it though.

"Okay. We'll see you at work. Be safe getting home."

Sam barely let the words leave Alex's mouth before she was hurriedly opening the door. It was like she couldn't get out of the apartment fast enough. Maggie stood with her hands out in a wide shrug.

"What just happened?"

Alex shook her head. "I don't know."

"We need to talk to her." Kara suggested. "I could hear her heartbeat all night. It was fast, like she was nervous. Or mad."

"If the conversation I had with her is anything to go by, she was definitely mad. I don't even know if you could even call it a conversation." Maggie couldn't wrap her head around the last five minutes of the evening.

"Best guess? She wasn't ready for this." Alex leaned back on the counter, her arms folded across her chest. "It was too much, too soon. I shouldn't have let it happen."

"Hey. No." Maggie wasn't going to let Alex blame herself. "This isn't your fault and really, it wasn't a complete disaster."

"Yea!" Kara chimed in. "We didn't fight! _And_ , Sam didn't exactly storm out. She just kind of…"

"Ran away?" Maggie filled in.

"Yea, I guess that's the best way to put it."

"It still wasn't a good idea."

"Alex. It isn't going to be a smooth ride. You guys have a lot of baggage to sort through. I think Kara was right. You three need to talk before things go any further. Hash it out and let it go."

Alex looked at Maggie while she thought. The Danvers Crinkle was starting to form. Kara poked it before pulling Alex into a long hug.

"It'll be okay. We'll get her back. Try not to worry so much, Alex. We love her and she loves us. We're family and we're going to fix it. I promise."

Maggie hadn't seen Kara comfort Alex often. It was usually the other way around. It was nice to witness, at least this once. Alex nodded into Kara's shoulder, bringing her arms up to squeeze her sister.

Kara gently pulled away. "I'm gonna go. We'll talk tomorrow about when we wanna try to talk to Sam."

"Maybe give her a couple days to cool down before then." Maggie suggested. Kara looked back, seeming a little annoyed that she interrupted their sister moment. Maggie put a hand up and sat down. "Sorry."

Kara didn't say anything. She just turned back to Alex, who was agreeing with Maggie, "She will need a few days. Let's drop it for now and try to get back to how things were."

"Okay."

"Are you walking or flying?"

"Probably flying. I'm going to stop by the DEO and see Mon-El."

"Be safe."

"Always." Maggie could hear the smile in Kara's voice. She pulled Alex into another quick hug. She smiled at Maggie as she made her way to the window. "Bye!"

"See ya, Little Danvers."

Then she was gone and Maggie and Alex were alone again. Alex stayed in the kitchen, resuming her lean on the counter. She brought a hand up to pinch the bridge of her nose then smooth out her brow. Maggie watched her for a moment before going over.

"Hey." She said quietly. A wide, soft smile was waiting for Alex when she looked up. The small one Maggie was rewarded with was one of her favorites. The quiet, shy Alex that didn't always get to come out. Usually only with Maggie and that's why Maggie loved it so much.

"Hey." She answered just as quietly. The night was already weighing on her. Alex always took responsibility, even when it wasn't hers.

Not that anyone was at fault for what happened. Maybe Sam but like Alex said, it was probably too much, too soon. Maggie hated being cornered too. She's reacted worse in similar situations. Hell, if you put her in a room with her family right then, it would very likely be messier than anything the Danvers sisters had said or done to each other. The thought made Maggie cringe and toss it away. She could deal with her problems later. Or never. She doubted they'd ever get fixed. Alex's could. Hopefully soon.

What they both needed was down time. No outside world or thinking about their problems. No NCPD or DEO or Supergirl. Just them and a quiet, dark room with a comfy bed. Maggie's eyes seemed to get heavy with the idea. She'd stay up though, for Alex. If that's what Alex wanted at least. If not, Maggie was lights out. She was exhausted.

"Why don't we lay down for a while? No Tv or phones. Just lay together. That sound okay?"

"That sounds perfect, and you gotta be up early."

"We don't have to go to sleep if you don't want to. If you wanna talk, I'm down."

Alex shook her head. "You need to get to sleep and honestly, I don't want to talk about anything tonight. Just fall asleep with you."

They stood a little longer, looking at each other and enjoying the silence. It felt calm in the apartment. Everything was really still. It was like they didn't want to ruin that or change it. Things were stopped for once in their go-go-go lives.

Then Alex laughed. A scoffy, breathy laugh. Maggie smiled but was confused. "I'm still getting used to this whole long term relationship thing but sometimes it feels so cheesy and lame. Which I like, don't get me wrong." She assured Maggie who was just about to give her a hard time about it even though she knew what Alex meant. "It's just different."

"Different is good, Al. I mean, obviously. Because before this," Maggie gestured to them, "we both kinda sucked at relationships. At least I did."

"Oh no. Me too."

"And I like the cheese. You get pretty intimidating in that DEO uniform with your alien gun and all your orders. Hot but intimidating." That made Alex laugh, a normal and long laugh that had Maggie smiling even wider. She loved Alex's laugh. She didn't care how cliche a thing it was to love about someone. Maggie loved hearing it and loved being the cause of it.

In Maggie's opinion, Alex didn't laugh near enough. She had fun. She found time to have fun...most of the time but Alex didn't find time to really let loose and laugh. There was always work in some part of her mind that was pressing against whatever else she was doing. That's why Maggie loved it so much when Alex _really_ laughed. It felt like she wasn't thinking about work too much when she did.

"You're such a dork." Alex shook her head at Maggie.

"It's true! You're all 'I'm Agent Danvers and I'll kick your ass if you so much as breathe the wrong way.'" Maggie straightened and put on her most ridiculous badass she could muster, looking out to the side and squinting her eyes with her hands first on her hips then crossed over her chest.

She only held it for a few seconds before Alex poked her stomach and Maggie was forced to squirm away. She crunched her side down and moved her hand down to knock Alex's away. "No tickling!"

"Then don't tease." Alex shot back, smirk on her face. If it wasn't so damn attractive, it would be annoying. Maggie's narrowed eyes were now directed at Alex. Her girlfriend held her hands up where Maggie could see them. "I won't do it again. I promise."

"For some reason, I don't trust you at the moment."

Alex laughed again. "You act like I broke some kind of scared law."

"You did!" Maggie exclaimed, indignant.

"Oh my god." Alex muttered, still laughing. "Come on you baby. Let's go to bed."

"Uh-huh. You first." Maggie stepped back a few feet and waited, expectantly, for Alex to start moving. She didn't really think Alex would try it again. She knew Maggie hated it and usually didn't tickle her but Maggie was playing it up a bit more than usual. Anything to keep that smile on Alex's face and thoughts of her failed sister night out of her head.

Alex kept her hands up as she moved toward her bedroom. She looked over her shoulder at Maggie. "You know you wouldn't be able to stop me if I decided to, right?"

That tugged at Maggie's ego. The playing dropped a little bit. "I totally could! Don't underestimate me, Danvers."

"I'm not." Alex replied smugly. That stupidly attractive, confident smirk was back.

They were at Alex's bed now and Maggie smirked to herself as she quickly closed the distance between them. Alex let out a very undignified, sissy yelp as Maggie picked her up and used the momentum to tackle them both onto the bed. But Maggie didn't keep the upper hand long. It didn't even feel like they had made contact with the bed before Alex untangled herself, switched their positions and was straddling Maggie whose arms were pinned across her chest.

"Good try, babe." Alex's smirk was out in all its glory. Maggie chuckled and glared. Alex added insult to injury, or soothed it, whichever, by leaning down and pecking Maggie on the nose. She slid off her. "I'm gonna shower."

She watched Alex head into the bathroom from the bed, wondering how she got so lucky and why in the hell had she fought it for so long. That was almost the stupidest thing Maggie had ever done. Luckily, Alex didn't give up and Maggie had come to her senses. She heard the water come on and listened to it fall steadily. It was soothing and it was quickly putting her in the mindset to fall asleep.

At least until Alex's head and one bare shoulder popped out from behind the bathroom door. "Did you need a formal invitation? Because I could get you one."

Maggie smiled and nodded. The bad jokes were another thing she loved about Alex. She wanted to see how far her girlfriend would take this.

"Margarita Florentina Sawyer." Maggie groaned at her full name.

"Alex, _why_? There is never a reason to use _that_."

"Shush." Alex tried to stifle a laugh. "Do you want your invitation or not?" Maggie mimed zipping her lips. "Thank you. Where was I? Oh right. Margarita Florentina Sawyer, would you kindly join me at..." Alex trailed off and leaned around the door a little more to see the clock by her side of the bed. Not enough to show anything except more bare skin at her shoulders and chest. "At 9:54 in the evening on March 22 for a lovely evening of showering and sleeping. Please RSVP by 9:55 in the evening on March 22."

Maggie rolled her head to look up at the ceiling. She took her time, really drew out her answer. She had an entire minute after all.

"You seriously have to think about this?"

"It's a formal invitation! These things need proper consideration!"

They sat in silence while Maggie 'considered'. She knew Alex was counting the seconds and that once the clock hit 9:55, she'd resend the offer. Not that that would stop Maggie. It honestly might be more fun that way. Thinking about Alex trying to keep her from joining her in the shower had Maggie smiling at how ridiculous they were. Not long enough to go past her time limit though.

She sat up and then stood up. Anyways, she had a name to get back at Alex for. "Alexandra Elizabeth Danvers," Alex rolled her eyes. They both knew she knew that was coming. "I would love to join you."


	71. Chapter 71

**A/N: Short but I felt like I couldn't really add much more to it. I have two more in between chapters before I start 'Homecoming'. Sorry for the delay but I will get to it this week. Thanks for reading! I look forward to all your reactions. They're pretty entertaining. I do take into account all of the things you guys recommend to do with the story. Some of them work for the story so I put them in, others don't. I still appreciate that you all want to contribute. Enjoy!**

The NC rail was mostly empty during Sam's ride back toward her apartment. That was preferable. A little eerie and lonely but it let her think without putting on a mask for those around her. She sat with her elbows on her knees and head in her hands.

She wasn't really sure what just happened. She wasn't sure why she was wound so tight or was rude to Maggie. Sam just was. And, it wasn't like she felt forced into sister night. Because that's what it really was. She wasn't stupid. It was sister night with Maggie there; Sam guessed to make her feel more comfortable. It obviously didn't work. Even if she had wanted to be there. She did want to be there because she wanted things to work this time around.

Sam just couldn't shake the habits she's fallen into over the last fifteen years. Everything with Kara and Alex and the precautions she took to protect herself. She was coiled and ready to snap into those defenses. It was like she could feel a fight coming on. But there wasn't one. Things were fine. Sam just couldn't shake any of those habits.

She leaned back against the worn transit seat and rubbed her hands on her jeans then the back of her neck, up to back of her head and under her bun. With a sigh, her hand fell back into her lap. Why hadn't she been able to handle that?

It was a simple night. Pizza, ice cream, and movies. All things that Sam liked. Her sisters, who Sam _did_ like even if sometimes she acted like she didn't. Everything had been set to go well. Everything, including the way her life was moving recently.

Things were pretty good with her sisters. Sam and Alex literally worked side by side. Sam saw Kara often and was trying her best to be sisterly. If she didn't achieve that, she was at least polite and friendly. As friendly as Sam could be when she felt uncomfortable. It wasn't perfect but she was trying and so were her sisters and this should have gone alright.

A recorded voice came over the railcar's speakers and announced Sam's stop was next. She was tempted to stay on. Ride to the end of the line and catch her stop on the way back. Her introspection hadn't been as fruitful as she hoped. There were no answers or revelations. No matter that she needed one. All that came to her was confusion at why Sam couldn't settle herself tonight. Saying that was helpful was insane. It was like saying water is wet.

Habits guided her again though. Sam stood without thinking much of it and went to the door as the railcar slowed. She made her way out to the tune of the recorded voice telling her to watch her step. Outside, it was quiet. Sam lived at the edge of the docks and downtown. Right where National City dropped into its more unsavory parts of town. Not that Sam lived on the wrong side of the tracks, just right at the edge of the right side of the tracks. Most people made it a habit to not be outside too late here. After ten, things could get sketchy. Sam wasn't scared though. She had faced worse than a few wannabe thugs with guns.

The walk home was just as easy as getting off. Maybe it was more what was needed than the train ride. The walk was in the crisp, slightly salty National City night air. Just a touch chilly thanks to the late winter, early spring mix the weather was in this time of year. It was refreshing. No stale railcar air or stuffy, tense apartment atmosphere. It was open air, with street lights guiding the way, brick buildings around her, and the night sky just outside the haze of the city.

Sam's legs walked the familiar path home without much thought on her part. This was an every day occurrence, like driving in a hometown. No thought was necessary to make the right turns and get where she was going safely. The movement was working out her anxious energy from not knowing and letting her actually think. She always had done better with being able to physically work things out.

There were three factors, technically four that night, that attributed to making a good sister night. Alex, Kara, Maggie, and Sam. Three of those factors were fine. Alex, Kara, and Maggie. They gave Sam no reason to be as walled off and tense as she was. She was the only factor that was off. Why?

She was tired of blaming fifteen years of built-up bad habits. They weren't an excuse. Well, that's exactly what they were. An excuse to be standoffish and rude at best, cruel and spiteful at worst. It was an excuse that was ruining perfectly good opportunities.

Sam wanted to fix their relationship. She wanted family to lean on and to care about. She wanted what Alex and Kara had. It seemed they wanted her to have it too. There was just a part of Sam that couldn't let go of Kara coming into her life and being the catalyst of its downward spiral.

It wasn't Kara's fault. Sam knew that. She had known that for a long time. But everything that Sam lost had Kara at its center. Dad leaving? Because Kara caught the DEO's eye and they wouldn't let her be unless Dad joined them. Alex not being there? Because Kara needed protecting and teaching. Mom becoming distant? Well, that was because Sam pushed her away but _that_ was because Mom doted on Kara and little Sam had been wildly jealous.

Sam punched the up button for the elevator with a frustrated sigh. She couldn't continue to blame Kara for her reaction and resulting decisions. Those were Sam's and Sam's alone. She just wished it was that easy. Every time she tries to, that hurt eight year old takes over. And eight year old Sam had been emotional and petty. It made Sam much too emotional for her liking now and, well, she had never stopped being petty. For a long time that felt like all she had. The only way she could get back at them.

That was the problem though. There was no reason to get back at them. Sam didn't want to anymore. What she wanted was her family. Specifically, her sisters. She wanted the Alex she had when she was little. The Alex who helped her learn to ride a bike and read, who tried to teach her to surf and took her out for ice cream, bought with hard earned allowance, when Sam couldn't quite get it. She wanted the Kara who did exactly what she does now. It was more of the Sam who let Kara do those things without being a massive jerk. She wanted her relationship with Kara to be without feeling inadequate next to the one Alex and Kara had.

Maybe it was how late it was. Maybe it was all the brooding. Maybe it was thinking about the past. Whatever it was, Sam was hit with a powerful yearning for her dad. Something that she hadn't given thought or energy to in a very long time.

She didn't bother turning the lights on. Sam slid home the chain lock and turned the deadbolt, then she sat on the side of her bed and couldn't help the tears that came. There was so much she wanted back but she didn't know what to do about it. She felt helpless and powerless and weak. All things she hated. But this wasn't anger or frustration. Those kinds of tears Sam knew how to deal with. This, these tears, were a gouging sadness that she had hastily covered up with that anger and frustration and fighting and poor decisions and alcohol. Lots of alcohol.

Sam shoved away from the bed and slapped away her tears. She threw open her fridge and grabbed a bottle of beer, chucked away the cap and took a long, hard drink. Her breathing was heavy when she finally pulled the bottle from her lips. With beer in hand, she opened her cabinets, looking for a very specific bottle. A larger bottle with something harder in it. Sam found it and placed it on the counter, its glass bottom landed harshly against her counter.

She finished off her beer as she reached for a glass. At first a shot glass but then she thought better of it. Sam needed these feelings gone. Fast. Now.

Half a plastic Target cup of whiskey sat in front of Sam. She sniffed and swiped at her cheeks again. The tears were still there. Every time she thought she bested them, more fell to replace the ones wiped away or that had begun to dry. It felt like there was no escaping them. She picked up the cup and tossed back half of what she poured. Sam let out a shuddering exhale and drank the rest. Not letting her throat recover from the first scorching.

Her eyes slipped shut. Another shaky breath. Blindly, Sam reached for the bottle and then watched as she poured more amber liquid. She drank that quickly too. It wasn't about enjoying the liquor. Sam didn't enjoy liquor at this time of night or emotional state.

She followed the process three more times before her head was swimming pleasantly. Those emotions became a muffled knocking in her mind. Two more and Sam was warm and tired, not caring that there was any kind of knocking at all. Her eyes were lidded. One more. Just for good measure.

She stumbled toward her bed. Leaving cup and bottle, uncapped, on the counter. She could deal with it in the morning. She'd deal with everything in the morning. Right now, all Sam wanted was to collapse into bed and not think or dream or do anything.


	72. Chapter 72

It had been a long time since Sam was last hungover. Not that it had been a long time since she was drunk. Her tolerance was high enough that the only time Sam was hungover, and she was thoroughly and painfully hungover today, was when she drank with a purpose. Like last night. It wasn't to get drunk. It was to shut everything out. The headache she had was doing the same thing so it wasn't all bad she supposed.

Her head felt tight. Her mouth tasted and felt like she had been sucking anti-freeze out of a cotton ball. Her calves seemed to be about to cramp with every step she took from the dehydration. The lights in the computer bay and the constant noise of so many people doing so many different jobs kept a steady stabbing through her temples. Sam hadn't bothered to eat anything when she work up either. Her stomach was a knot of churning acid that was ready to escape.

But still, she had to put all her energy into focusing on her tasks. Not thinking about her sisters. Not thinking about how she couldn't handle one night of being around them. Not thinking about how she wasn't going to be able to fix things. Things were fine because she couldn't afford to think. Just fine.

Except that Alex knew she was hungover. And she was not happy about it. Not that Alex said anything straight out. At first, she ignored it. Then, through the course of the day, it seemed that Alex couldn't keep that up. It was all passive aggressive. That was Alex trying to pretend she wasn't mad. She wasn't very good at it. Even cold, composed Agent Danvers didn't hide anger very well.

Even worse, today was a training day. Sam spent her morning monitoring Supergirl's activity throughout the city. Winn chatting away in her ear had made Sam contemplate all the ways to quickly kill a man. In addition to monitoring Supergirl, Sam had to record the events. Paperwork. Or, more accurately, computer work. Typing. Something Sam was currently struggling with because it still pulled at her stitches to do it.

Before lunch, Alex pulled Sam away. Into the training room. Even though she wasn't cleared yet. Alex's explanation was that Sam didn't need her hand to run, right? And run she did. Alex put her through four obstacle courses. All of them designed for Sam to not need her right hand. All of them with a completion time that Sam would struggle getting in a not hungover state. The rules for training were simple: attempt until you complete.

So Sam ran the courses. Then ran them again. And again. She ran the four course a total of nine times. The third one had stumped her. That one alone took three attempts. It needed to be ran perfectly to achieve the goal time.

This was still not the worst thing to happen. The courses still took all of her focus. What little she had left was reserved for hating Alex at that moment. Sam was fuming. How dare Alex make her do this? Sam was grounded. What did she need to train for?

It seemed her mind found just a little bit of room to push one thought in: how dare you get too drunk to function then show up at work?

Sam ignored that question though. It didn't matter how drunk she was last night. She was able to do her job this morning. How she felt didn't matter as long as she could perform. That's all that mattered.

When they were done, Alex didn't let Sam take her normal lunch. She pulled her into the lab where food was waiting for them. Sam snatched the water bottle off the table and drank a quarter of it in one go. She was sweaty, out of shape, and had a shattering headache. In other words, not happy. Still fuming. She had to compound all the anger into one, all encompassing thought to keep the rest of it out of mind.

She glared at Alex, knowing a lecture was coming. Sam was almost happy about it. A fight was exactly what she needed at the moment. She almost didn't care that they were trying to fix things. It would be so much easier to just hate Alex right now. It would be more satisfying.

Alex sat down. Dressed her salad. Took a drink of her own water. Then, she looked at Sam. Waiting. Sam knew what for and she almost didn't take her seat to spite Alex. But she did and Alex started talking.

"I don't want to talk about last night. We can do that when we aren't at work. What I do want to talk about is this." Alex waved a hand at her. Sam bit down the retort at the tip of her tongue. It seemed a fight wasn't what she wanted. Sam _didn't know_ what she wanted. It would be easier to fight and rage and curse her sister but it wouldn't be satisfying, not for long at least. Her rational side was finally taking over and asserting dominance, letting Sam think straight.

Alex continued, "You cannot come to work hungover."

Sam stared at her. Sweaty, out of shape, headache. Her chest hurt and breathing felt like her lungs were lined with glass. She had a pinch in her shoulder that only came out when she was out of shape and went too hard her first workout back. Being lectured was the last thing Sam wanted. But she wanted some kind of harmony between her sisters and herself and...damn it...Alex was right. Sam hated thinking that. She wanted to be mad.

"How do you feel?" Alex asked but Sam didn't answer. That stubbornness stopping her. She may want harmony but she wasn't going to just roll over. Especially not with Alex lecturing her. "Fine. You don't have to answer. I know. You feel like shit and you're angry at me. That's fine, Sam. I don't care. What I do care about is that those courses you just ran would be nothing compared to a mission if we had one. The adrenalin. The stress. God knows what we would actually have to do.

"You can't afford to be hungover in the field. Our team can't afford it either. Mistakes get people killed, Sam, and I'm sorry I put you through that but I need you to understand that an obstacle course is nothing compared to the field and if this is how you feel after that, think about what would happen in the field."

Rational Sam knew she was right. Irrational Sam, the one fighting for power, knew she could go fuck herself. Rational Sam butted in though to remind her of last night. Her thoughts before she chased them away with whiskey. It was confusing and chaotic in her head. Her thoughts and emotions were split in two and neither would let her act. It was like Sam was frozen. But, again, that stubborn streak wouldn't let Sam take even herself stopping her.

So, Sam gritted her teeth and accepted defeat. The smart thing to do for what she wanted in the long run. She forced out, "You're right. It won't happen again."

Alex softened a little, out of Agent Danvers and into her sister. "Sam…can I be honest?" She nodded. Still tense and struggling with admitting Alex was right, despite her way of proving her point. "It will happen again."

"What?" That was a little too much for Sam to admit to. She looked at Alex like she was crazy. "I just said it wouldn't. It won't. What the fuck, Alex? Why would I lie about that?"

Sam got up to leave but Alex got up with her and grabbed her wrist. Gently. An almost plea in her eyes for Sam to not leave. Against her better judgement, or more accurately her angrier judgement, Sam stayed. She was anxious now though. Jittery and it was almost painful to stay still.

"I know I said we wouldn't talk about last night but…it will happen again, Sam, because you, well…" Alex trailed off. DEO forgotten or maybe just disregarded. "I'm not saying you have a problem exactly but you're on your way to having a drinking problem and please don't deny it.

"You left last night, obviously upset, and then you come in more hungover than I've ever seen you. People who drink normally don't do that. I'm worried about you, Sam."

She tried to step in and defend herself but Alex shook her head, stopped her before Sam could get a word out. "And I'm worried because I know from experience what you're going through."

Alex let go of Sam then. Quickly, like she forgot she was still holding on to her. She looked back to her open lab door then went to close it. Sam stayed standing when Alex took her seat again.

"Maybe not what you're going through but I know how you're coping with it because last year I did the same thing. Anytime I it made even a little sense to drink, I would. I told myself I had reasons, like holidays, to celebrate, or because we were all out at the bar. When I started hanging out and then dating Maggie, I drank a little heavier because that's what we did. We went to the bar to play pool and drink. And I was nervous. I thought it helped.

"Then when things got more serious, Maggie pointed it out. She was worried about me and she had a point. I just never wanted to admit it. I drank because I didn't want to deal with anything; it made my emotions and thoughts go away and I thought it was a good way to deal with it. Maggie helped me realize that running away from things was not only not a good way to deal with it but it wasn't dealing with it at all."

It sounded familiar. Drinking was just what they did. And by 'they' Sam meant soldiers and she meant her family and she meant the friends she made in National City. She couldn't count the times she had gone out and gotten drunk with her few friends in the army when they were off duty. Her parents had always been open about their drinking. They didn't drink heavily but they did do so often. Wine at dinner or in the evenings before bed or beer at BBQs. The super friends' main hangout was a bar, for god's sake. Of course they drank.

But Alex was wrong. Drinking did help. It helped Sam not think. It made it easier for her to get through the night and deal with all the things she didn't want to deal with. It was a coping mechanism and a poor one at that but it was what Sam had. Another habit. This one she didn't feel like fixing. This one felt too important, like she'd crumble without it.

She didn't say anything. Alex waited and the silence became a physical thing between them. She looked worried and Sam felt scared. She wasn't sure why.

"I want to help, Sam. How ever I can, I want to help. With this. With everything."

"It's fine."

"Come on, Sam. You can't tell me that feeling like this is fine."

"It's fine enough." Sam snapped back. Alex held up her hands.

"Okay. Fine enough is fine then. We won't do this now but I'm not going to drop it. I want you back and I want you to be more than fine enough." Alex stood with her food in hand. "I'm going to go eat in the cafeteria. Stay here, eat something. No one will bug you."

Sam was alone then. With her food and with her thoughts and her headache. It felt like her brain was trying to bust out of her head all while being split down the middle. A special nail being driven in between her right eye and brow. Her stomach gurgled dangerously.

Alex hadn't left Sam with a salad though. In her container was a greasy burger and fries. The perfect hangover meal. So, even though Sam felt like she was going to up chuck at any moment, she sat down and powered through the food.

Her stomach calmed down after she was done. Like she knew it would. She finished off the water bottle then refilled it. All the while, just like Alex said, no one even looked toward the lab.


	73. Chapter 73

**A/N: Remember that this would be in like March (a couple weeks after Valentine's Day). And a couple days after the last chapter. Sidenote. I just wrote a 7,903 words long chapter. Yea. So, look forward to that. I'm finally done with the in between chapters. I'll watch 'Homecoming' then start writing it. I'm a little apprehensive about it but excited to keep the story going! Thanks, as always, for reading.**

Sam and Alex didn't talk much after the hangover lesson and alcohol conversation. They were nothing but professional though. All conversation revolving around DEO issues and events. They were stiff but they weren't unkind to each other. Alex was gentle with Sam in a new way. Somehow conveying that feeling while still giving her space. It confused Sam and it made her awkward and stiff. She didn't know how to bridge this new gap and her pride didn't let her take the obvious, easy route.

Because Sam just couldn't bring herself to go to Alex. Not about mending their relationship and definitely not about her apparent problem. Instead, they danced around each other. Sam in evasion. Alex in a cautionary attempt to get closer.

That is until Maggie showed up. She had been keeping her distance since the failed hangout. Not without a text letting Sam know that she was giving her space to cool down or whatever it was she needed. It had Sam wondering how a single person could be so constant in their support of others.

Today she seemed done with giving Sam space. Maggie marched up to Sam in the computer bay, once again she was monitoring Supergirl, grabbed her arm and dragged her out of the DEO.

"Maggie, what the fuck?" Sam yanked her arm away. "I'm _working._ I can't just leave."

"You can. I checked with J'onn and Alex. They said it was okay so come on." Maggie didn't try to drag Sam with her again. She walked to the cruiser parked at the curb, opened the driver door and stood, looking at Sam. "Come on."

Sam looked back at the DEO. At Maggie. Back at the building. "My stuff is still in there."

"You don't need it. I promise."

She sighed and accepted her fate. Whatever this was, it wouldn't be bad. Maggie wasn't one to force things on Sam. Not really. She was fond of kicks in the ass to get Sam to realize she needed to do certain things but she never made Sam do anything.

"Where are we going?" Sam asked once her door was closed. Maggie didn't answer right away. She raised her eyebrows and waited. Sam sighed again, more annoyed this time, and made a show of putting her seatbelt on.

"Thank you." Maggie chimed and started the car. "We are going to spend the day relaxing and then I am going to drop you off at Alex's so you three can talk out whatever it is you need to talk out."

"Maggie." Sam started but stopped. That fear was back. The one that had seized Sam when Alex was talking to her about drinking. She didn't want to talk. She wanted the change that would hopefully happen after but for some reason, recently, it scared her.

"It's okay. It'll be okay, Sam. This," Maggie glanced at her before looking back at the road, "is why we're gonna spend the day doing whatever you want. I want happy Sam back and I think all of this is what you need. A day of having fun and then a chance to vent to and with your sisters."

She was tired. That was the only reason Sam could think of that had her opening up this much. She leaned her head back on the rest and looked out the window. "What if you're wrong?"

"Then we'll deal with it but I really don't think I am this time. You want to fix things, right?"

"Yea."

"So does Alex and Kara. That's half the battle right there."

"Just because I want to fix it doesn't mean I can. I tried before."

"True." Maggie allowed. She turned into the parking lot of the bay walkway. Just like where they had gone before to talk. "And it's also true that things won't magically be great after this talk but you guys need to sit down and get through everything so you can let it go. That's the only way you'll ever be able to get back up to great."

"I wanna fix it, Maggie. Honestly I do. I don't think I can though. I don't think I'm the kind of person who fixes things. I just break them and leave."

It was devastatingly self-depreciating and dramatic. Sam had no idea where it came from or when she gave herself permission to form the words much less speak them. But it was out there now. She said it and it _was_ how she felt. Admitting it made her feel like a child though. It took all her willpower to not shut down at that. To stay open and listen to Maggie. If she couldn't do that now, with Maggie, then there was no way she'd be able to do anything similar with her sisters.

Maggie was quiet for a minute. Whether from shock or to think, Sam couldn't tell. She got more and more self-conscious as the quiet continued. Her fingers tapped rapidly against her knee.

"That's what you used to do, Sam. You don't have to keep doing that. People can change if they want to. But it's hard and you have to fight against what feels natural, against the things you do that you never think about. You _can_ change though.

"And it isn't even much. You just have to tone down that pride a little, Baby Danvers. A hard thing for all three of you. You're a good person with a temper and a stubborn streak. There's nothing wrong with that. Just tone it down with the people you love. Everything else is perfectly fine. I'm actually a fan of everything else." Maggie smiled with her compliment.

That sounded easy enough. Less daunting than the complex plan Sam had laid out in her mind. The grip her fear had on her loosened a little. With that loosening came a little shame for being so vulnerable. That wasn't something Sam did.

It was like Maggie read her mind. "Chill, Sam. I'm not going to judge you for anything. You're human and you have feelings and that's okay. It's normal. There's no need to bottle back up. It's me you're talking to."

Sam still felt uncomfortable. Despite Maggie's assurances and that Sam believed them, her chest felt tight. The several minutes of sitting in a parked car wasn't helping. It felt too closed in and too tight. The air stale. She climbed out, partly for something to do and also to escape the small space. She wondered if the claustrophobia from that test would ever fully go away. It had mostly disappeared but it made a habit of popping up when she was stressed.

They walked the beginning of the bay loop in silence. Sam thinking and Maggie enjoying the day. Sam knew that Maggie would spend the day in silence after the conversation they just had. Kick in the ass but never forcing anything. That's not what Sam needed.

Not communicating is what Sam would normally do and if she did want to change a part of herself, she needed to do things differently. It wasn't up to Maggie to give her a kick in the ass to do so either. Sam needed to be the one to make the change. It was her and her alone that could do this. No matter how hard it might be.

"What are we gonna do today then?"

Maggie smiled at her. "Whatever you want, Baby Danvers, but I was thinking we should go see a movie. I wanna see the new _Power Rangers_."

"Alright. That sounds good to me." Sam shrugged. She wouldn't mind a movie. A little distraction. That's what this day was for, according to Maggie.


	74. Chapter 74

Walk around the bay. Movie. Lunch. Mini golf. A workout. Dinner. It was a pretty good day. Sam felt herself relaxing, having _fun_. It was easy to do with Maggie's laid back jokes and mannerisms. It felt good. That is, until Maggie was pulling up outside of Alex's apartment and leaving the car idling, not getting out with Sam.

"You got this, Baby Danvers. Just remember: they love you and you love them and you all want this to work."

"Yea." Sam breathed out. Fear was creeping back in.

Maggie reached over and squeezed her forearm. Sam looked at her and could only imagine the anxiety that was showing through. Maggie smiled and nodded at her. "You got this."

Sam grabbed the confidence Maggie was giving her and ran with it, focusing on the certainty Maggie held that they could do this. If Maggie believed it than so could Sam. She took a quick deep breath and pushed the door open before she could chicken out.

She used that mock motivation to take the stairs up to Alex's. Not the elevator. That would just give her idle time to overthink. Sam needed motion, exertion. Focus.

It faltered as she raised her hand to knock. Not that it mattered. Kara opened the door before her knuckles, with newly found motivation, could make contact with the door. She smiled sheepishly.

"Sorry. I try not to use my powers to like spy on people or whatever you wanna call it but I was nervous so I was listening for you and well, here we are."

"It's okay."

"Okay, well good. And also. Sorry again but I can hear how nervous you are and me too, Sam but we can do this! It's gonna be great!"

Kara led her in. Alex was sitting at the table and staring at her hands as they rubbed together. It seemed like they were both just as nervous as her. Oddly, that helped. Nerves meant things were important. Alex and Kara were nervous because they thought this was important; Sam was important.

Alex looked up and gave a nervous smile. "Hey."

"Hey."

"So, we should probably just get started, huh?" Alex asked.

Sam shrugged and took her seat quickly when she noticed that Kara already did and she was standing awkwardly.

"I think we should start off by saying that this is it." Kara began. "We're gonna talk about it all tonight. Get everything out in the open and get through it and then move on. We can't keep letting things from our past effect our future."

Alex nodded and Sam sat there. She was too focused on keeping her defenses down at even the mention of getting it all out to react. But she would. This was going to be a positive, productive talk. No matter how mad she got or how ugly things turned. Sam was going to make sure that none of them left until they were ready to move forward as a unit. Not a broken family.

"Sam?"

She realized they were waiting for some kind of answer to the suggestion. "Uh, yea. Same." She paused. "And, uh…I think that we shouldn't leave, mostly me, um, if things get bad because like you said, we need to let this shit go and we can't leave until we're ready to do that."

Kara smiled at her. "I like that idea. Alex?"

She nodded. None of them started though. They just looked at each other and waited for someone else to get the ball rolling. Sam wanted to. God, she wanted to just start and get it over with! But that fear froze her so she waited.

"Okay, I'll start!" Kara said quickly. Then simply, "I'm sorry."

Sam turned to her so fast she got whiplash. That was not how she thought this was going to start. Or end. Or even go at any point. Her own selfish thoughts aside, Kara really had nothing to apologize for. She was the one who lost her entire planet. She didn't ask for any of this.

"For what?" Alex asked, equally as shocked.

Kara shrugged. She took her glasses off, folded them, and set them on the table. She crossed her arms on the surface and leaned forward. "For causing so many problems. I didn't mean to or anything but I still did. I know that if you guys didn't take me in then Jerimiah would still be here and you two would probably never fight more than normal sisters are supposed to.

"I'm really happy I'm here and that you guys are my family. Don't get me wrong! But, I know it caused everyone a lot of problems and, ya know, whether or not I meant for any of it to happen, I'm still sorry it did."

"Kara…" Alex started.

"No Alex." Kara leveled her with a stern look. "Don't defend me. That's not what this is about. Tonight is about moving on and I needed to say that. I love you both too much to not apologize for what me coming to Earth cost you."

"It wasn't your fault." Sam said. Quietly and a little unsure. She still had those selfish thoughts after all.

"I know that, Sam." Kara smiled at her. "But that doesn't mean I'm not sorry."

"I'm sorry too." Sam said. Less quietly and more rushed. "That…" She took a deep breath. "That I blamed you for all those problems like you meant for them to happen. I was really angry…and jealous. I needed it to be your fault."

"Why were you jealous?"

"Because Dad _loved_ you. Everything you did was so amazing and fantastic to him. I was just human. And a kid. I couldn't do anything like you. Then he was gone and it felt like justice somehow to blame you." Sam let out a mirthless laugh. "I think that was the first time I used anger to deal with all the other shit I felt."

"I felt horrible that they took Jerimiah. I still do. Back then, I didn't really understand but I knew it was because of me."

"You tried to run away." Alex added, like she just remembered. Kara nodded.

"Yea. I thought if I left, he'd get to come back."

"That was stupid." Sam said. That protective anger bubbling up.

"It was and that's what I told her." Alex rested her chin in her palm. She looked at Sam, a little unsure. "Was it just Dad that made you jealous?"

"Fuck no." Sam laughed again. "God no. You became so absorbed in Kara. Like you were with me before she came. Teaching her things, watching out for her. I don't really remember a lot from back then honestly but I remember being sad and angry and feeling like you guys didn't want me around because of Kara. Even Mom. But…I never really felt close to Mom.

"I was a jealous kid. That I do remember. I acted out and was mean because I didn't like feeling like something was being taken away from me."

"I'll tell you what happened." Alex started, firm but not unkind. "Since you don't remember. Mom closed herself off. She was distant, not just with you. The only time she wasn't off in her own little world mourning Dad was when she was 'keeping Kara safe' or telling me about her expectations.

"You started acting out and I couldn't help Kara like Dad said and help you. It wasn't the right choice, Sam, don't get me wrong. I don't think that at all but I made a choice. I was a kid too and I missed my dad and the last thing he told me to do was keep Kara safe so I did."

Alex fell silent. She was looking down at the table now. Then she looked at Sam. "You made it easy and I hate that I didn't try harder but I was a _kid_. I was thirteen with a checked out mom and an alien who didn't know how our world worked. You were just getting in trouble. No one was trying to take you and do experiments on you or send you away."

"Except they did." Sam cut in. Sharp and angry. She ground her teeth together trying to calm down. Alex was right. She was just a kid. One who was given a raw deal. Sam didn't have a right to be angry at her. She did the best she could.

The anger didn't really care what Sam did or didn't have. It was there and it didn't want to go away. It wanted to roar and charge and attack. To protect.

"I know. Now, I know that. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry I made you think that Kara was more important to me and that for a little bit, I thought that too."

That hurt. Sam never expected Alex to admit to that. Alex and Kara were the root of all Sam's problems. For a long time, she thought it was Kara but it wasn't. It was Alex.

"I was a kid, Sam." Alex pleaded with her.

"So was I. Except worse!" Sam's voice was slowly rising. She couldn't stop it. "I had _no_ idea what was happening. I didn't know why Dad left and I didn't know why you guys didn't want me around and I didn't know why Mom was just…gone. I was a kid and you left me alone."

"I did."

For some reason Alex's submission to Sam's anger only made it grow. Like fuel to a fire. Kara was silent. Worried and watching.

She had nothing else to rage against. Those were Sam's problems. The root of who she was. Her dad was taken. Her sister ignored her. Her mom abandoned her. Loss, neglect, and abandonment weren't things a child's mind knows how to cope with but hatred, that a child can grasp. So, Sam did and she directed it at Kara.

That's what molded her. More accurately, hardened her. Most kids grow up with support and love and attention. Even those dealt a hard hand got away with loss or neglect or abandonment. Not all three.

Sam knew it could have been worse. She wasn't beat. She had food and shelter. She had things she wanted. But children have needs outside of food, drink, and shelter. It was a slow and quiet kind of damage that none noticed nor thought they were responsible for. It had lasting effects nonetheless.

"Well good for fucking you, Alex!" Sam yelled. Her anger turning hopeless but gaining strength. No use beating a dead horse but damn it, she was going to. "I'm glad you can admit that. I hope that helps you sleep at night."

"Sam." Kara tried. Her hand reached half way across the table but didn't touch her. "Calm down a little. This isn't for that."

"Then what's it for, Kara?" Sam's voice cracked. She cursed herself under her breath, "Fuck."

Neither sister answered. Alex looked at Sam with broken eyes. Hurt and hurting for her little sister. Sam hated it. She saw pity, not sympathy. Kara just looked sad at the whole thing.

"We can talk about it but I can't feel? I was _alone_. You guys left me alone and wrote me off! And I didn't know how to tell you that it hurt. Because that's all I remember! I remember being alone and being hurt and not knowing how any of it happened."

She could feel the tears coming. Sam pulled the corner of her lip in and bit down. Hard. It didn't help. The pain only inched her closer. She tried clenching her jaw again. Her teeth audibly grinding against each other.

Since the other night, in her apartment, Sam had been over emotional. And not just angry. It was everything she didn't want to feel. _Couldn't_ feel. She hated it. She didn't want it. She couldn't stop it and that made it even worse.

But it especially couldn't happen here. Not in front of her sisters. Sam pushed aggressively away from the table. Alex could talk all she wanted about drinking less but Sam knew there would be a bottle of something somewhere.

She tore through the cabinets. Flinging them open and banging them shut. Nothing. But Alex wouldn't keep it somewhere easy.

"Sam, what are you looking for?" It was clear in Alex's tone that she knew exactly what. Sam didn't answer.

She looked under the island. Then in the pantry. Winner winner. On the top shelf, pushed all the way to the wall was a bottle of Bulleit bourbon. Sam had to stand on tiptoes to pull it down.

"I don't think that's a good idea." Alex was already in the kitchen, blocking Sam's path to the glasses. Sam wouldn't look at her. Not with tears threatening. Instead she stood and let Alex take the bottle from her hands.

Alex placed it on the counter and stepped to the side so Sam could go back to the table. She didn't sit. She didn't speak. That helpless anger was choking her.

"I can't do anything but apologize, Sam." Alex was standing next to her. Solidarity in such a small thing as standing. "And I can't tell you how sorry I am. I didn't understand back then. Now I do and if I could, I'd go back and make a different decision."

"We don't want you to be alone or hurt anymore." Kara added. "I don't want anything to be like it used to be. Ever again. I want to see you all the time and talk to you about things that matter and things that don't. I want you to feel like you can come to me, to both of us." Kara corrected herself.

"Sammy." The use of that name in that moment was too much. Alex had only started using it again after _years_. Sam couldn't even properly remember the last time she had used it regularly. The tears spilled over and Sam cursed herself again, turning away. Alex didn't let her though. She grabbed Sam's shoulders and kept her facing her.

"It's okay. You're allowed to be sad or mad or whatever it is that's making you cry. That's okay." Alex tentatively reached out and wiped away a few tears for Sam. Her own arms hung limp at her sides. It was all too much. Too many emotions. It was exhausting. All these things she kept, or tried to keep, locked down were clawing their way out.

Alex started again as her hand settled back on Sam's shoulder. "I will do my best to never let you be hurt again and what I can't stop, I won't let you be alone with. Never again, Sam. I didn't understand then but I understand now. I won't make the same mistake twice."

Sam wouldn't look at Alex. She kept her eyes down and tear streaked face as hidden as she could. Now she was crying for a different reason. No anger. Just a deep seeded sad that she had been covering for a long time. One sob bubbled up and popped out like a hiccup. Sam couldn't keep it in. No matter how hard she tried to.

Her big sister pulled her tight. Sam's arms stayed by her side but she leaned into Alex. It was about to all come pouring out. No stopping it. Sam didn't even know if she wanted to stop it.

Maybe it was her talk with Maggie. Or, perhaps, her introspection the other night. Something opened this in Sam. Something softened her enough to force this reaction because it wasn't normal. In the morning, she knew she'd be embarrassed by it. At the moment, she didn't care.

"I'm sorry." Sam forced out. The tipping point. It all flowed from there. "I'm sorry I acted that way. I'm sorry I didn't understand and that I didn't know." She sucked in a stuttering breath. It didn't do much. "I'm sorry I was mean to Kara for so long because I blamed her.

"I'm sor–sorry that I checked out too. You guys aren't...it's not your fault. It's my fault and–"

"Sam, no." Alex interrupted. She felt another hand on her back. Kara had rounded the table and was now standing by her. Not hugging, just giving a single touch of comfort. Still so careful not to overwhelm Sam. Not that Kara could. It was beyond that now.

"It's no one's fault and everyone's fault. We all had a part in this. It was never just you. Don't you ever say that again." Kara's voice was firm and comforting. Leaving no room for Sam to descend further into her own blame.

No one said anything as Sam got herself together. Her breathing calmed before her eyes dried but it was still coming in choppy waves. Sam pulled away and stepped away. She turned, brought up one hand to wipe away her tears. As subtly as she could. It was stupid. They all knew she was crying but Sam had enough of killing old habits. This one was going to stay.

She didn't look at them. One last deep breath before she asked with forced humor, "What do you guys have for me then?"

"Nothing." Alex answered. That got Sam to look. In all her red eyed glory. Her sisters gave her a smile. Each of them different. Alex's still dripping in guilt. Kara's hopeful and sunny enough for all three of them. Sam didn't smile back. She was confused.

"Nothing?" She repeated. That was bullshit. They had grievances with Sam. Their entire lives were a grievance with Sam.

"That was all of it. All our problems stemmed from those three things. We don't need to dive into the specifics, unless you want to. Kara couldn't control coming into our family or the outcome, I made a bad decision that I thought was right, you reacted to all of that without any help from anyone. We all made mistakes. We all handled things poorly. We're all sorry. That's it."

Technically, that _was_ it. All of it. But that wasn't how Sam thought _it_ would go. She thought they would be here for hours. Yelling, screaming. Definitely crying but she thought that would be on Kara's end, maybe even Alex's; not her.

"That's it?"

"Yea, Sam." Kara stepped closer but didn't touch her. Sam almost wanted her to. She felt poorly held together. Kara's embrace would either shatter her or mend her. Sam wasn't sure which. That uncertainty and foreign want kept her uncertain. "That's it. Unless you want to talk about something else?"

"No. That's it."

"Can I hug you?" Kara smiled with her arms wide. It was goofy and it was meant to be. It forced a watery laugh out of Sam. She shrugged, still not sure. "I'm gonna hug you."

She did. And, Sam hugged back. Not as fiercely as Kara was hugging her but she still took part in the hug. She laid her head on Kara's shoulder and loosely placed them around her back.

Sam felt eight again. That's the last time Kara had hugged her like this. A few days after their dad left and Sam had fully figured it out. Back then, Sam was more of a mess. A confused mess. She had let Kara hug her then, only to piece it together enough to shove her away. Or try to. Kara held on until Sam stopped pushing and fully broke down. Then Alex had taken over.

Like she was now. Alex put a hand on Kara's shoulder and gave her a quick smile. "My turn."

Alex's hug was different. It wasn't all encompassing like Kara's. Instead of feeling like she was being wrapped in sunlight, Alex felt sturdy. Alex felt strong and solid but not overwhelming.

Sam laughed and pulled away. She wiped at her eyes again. "Stop hugging me. This is getting fucking ridiculous."

"I liked it." Kara shrugged with a wide smile.

"I'm gonna go."

Alex nodded. "Do you want a ride?"

"I could fly you!"

"No and hell no. I like to keep my feet firmly on the ground, thank you." Sam was feeling nervous again. Like the words she was saying were going to be wrong. "I'll just take the rail."

"You're sure?"

"Yea."

Another nod and Sam was moving toward the door. The apartment was feeling too small and her body was feeling too big for itself. Like her chest and head were pushing against her skin.

"Hey Sam?" Kara called out. She turned around, doing her best to keep her anxiety out of her face. Kara could probably hear it though. "Be safe."

"Yea, sure. Bye."

The railcar was just as empty as it was the other night. Thankfully. Sam sat much the same as she did then too. Elbows on her knees, head in her hands. It was like someone opened the floodgates. She couldn't stop feeling what she had been trying to ignore for so long.

Even more thankfully, she seemed to have run out of tears. Sam wouldn't have stood for crying in public though. Maybe her heart, mind, and body finally got the memo and gave her back control. The stops passed by slowly. The recorded voice droning on. Unlike the other night, Sam just wanted to be home. With a drink.

When she got there, safe in her apartment with a gaping hole in her chest, Sam almost talked herself out of a drink. Alex's worry from before playing on a loop in her head. She decided on just enough to catch a buzz. Not drunk. No chance of being hungover.

No beer tonight. A whiskey neat. Exactly what she would've drank at Alex's to wall off her emotions. Sam reflected that it was probably the saving grace of the night that Alex didn't let her drink. Sam wouldn't have opened up like that. She would've opened up, sure, but with anger and rage. It would've been more explosive. The moods that usually preluded a fight.

It was slowly starting to feel good. All that opening up and letting it out. What Sam thought was a gaping hole in her chest was actually just the absence of all the guilt and anger she had been bottling up for so long. Or maybe that was the bourbon talking.

Sam fell asleep even slower than her relief came. She laid in the dark for a long time, thinking about what would happen next. There were many different scenarios that played out in her head. Most of them good. A few of them promised Sam a spiraling downfall into old habits. She did her best to ignore those. If the conviction Alex and Kara had spoken with was any indication, they wouldn't let her.


	75. Chapter 75

Steadily, like Alex and Maggie suggested after that failed sisters night, they let the air between them and Sam deflate. Then slowly, they built it back to what it was. At best, Kara would explain it as that of friendly co-workers. Not a description she was a fan of but it was better than bitter sisters. Bitter sisters wasn't even an underlying descriptor which made Kara even more okay with it. Their talked seemed to be working. It was a slow process but it was forward going!

Things with Mon-El had been steadily getting better too. Kara was more comfortable with her feelings for him. They _weren't_ too different. They, in fact, _did_ work. It also meant that she was spending more time at the DEO to see him.

Enough time that Kara noticed that someone else's relationship was getting chummier. Not in the same sense as hers and Mon-El's but Kara wasn't a fan. She didn't even know who the guy was but she did not like, at all, seeing him spend so much time around Sam nor did she enjoy how much Sam seemed to enjoy being around him.

At first, Kara tried to keep an eye on it from afar. She was able to tell herself that it was nothing. Just a work friendship and she was actually proud of Sam for making one. Then, the two got closer. Kara picked up on inside jokes and Sam seemed to not mind when the guy would work near her. Her reluctance to tell the guy to…fuck off, as she was apt to with most people, tugged at Kara's attention. It was like she couldn't stop watching them. It was almost obsessive.

The two buds had lunch together. They trained together, as much as Sam was cleared for with her hand still hindering her. They worked on assignments together. Like Sam _asked_ for his help. It was a conscious decision for her to interact with him. Kara hated that she hated it but Rao, did she _hate_ it.

"Who _is_ that?" She collided into Alex's lab table, shaking the holder of test tubes so that they clinked together. Alex took only a moment to give her a cautionary glare before looking where Kara was pointing. She frowned.

"Parker." She answered. More like spat. Kara could feel the same obsessive annoyance in Alex's voice that she felt whenever she had to watch Sam and this Parker guy together.

"That doesn't help me any, Alex. Who's Parker?"

"He's one of my agents, my tech guy. Kind of like a Winn in the field."

"No one's as good as Winn." Kara interrupted. It was an automatic response. She hadn't even thought about saying it, just did. Winn was the best techie the DEO had. The best techie Kara had ever met. She sorely missed him at CatCo but knew he was better suited here.

"I'm not trying to say anyone is." Alex held up her finger, "Don't tell him I said that. He'd get all…overly friendly and I don't have time for that at work."

"I won't." Kara paused, looking out the window walls at her sister and this Parker. "So they work together?"

"Normally in small doses. Sam is still with me and Hill until J'onn passes her from shadowing but she's grounded and doing paperwork. I sent Parker to help get her started. It's usually his job but I don't know. They've been like that since."

"Sam just… _let_ him be friends with her?" Alex shrugged. "You don't think it's weird?"

"A little, yea, but it doesn't really matter."

"Doesn't it, though!? Alex! She's our sister. We have to look out for her with stuff like this."

"Stuff like what, Kara?" Alex turned to fully face her. Clearly exasperated with the conversation and what Kara was getting at. It did matter though! They had to! "Sam having friends? It's not our decision and even if it was, it's not like Sam would listen to us."

"But doesn't it bother you?" Alex shrugged again. Enough of an answer; it bothered her. The more Kara thought about it, though, the more she wasn't sure _why_ it bothered either of them.

Sam had a friend. That was great. Maybe it was more than a friend which would be fantastic. Interestingly, that possibility eased some of Kara's discomfort over Parker. She didn't understand why. She could figure that out later. It was more pressing to present the idea to Alex.

"Do you think Sam _likes_ him?"

Alex laughed. A surprising few chuckles. "No."

"What?" Kara pouted, pulling her eyes from Sam and her possible crush to question her sister. "Why not? She could totally have a crush on him. He's cute, I guess, if you're into the whole freckles and floppy hair thing. Do you think that's Sam's type!?"

The more she talked about it, the more excited Kara got. Sam never opened up about this stuff. _Never_. She had never been boy crazy, or girl crazy, she mentally added. Alex's semi-recent coming out had opened a whole new door of inclusion in her mind that she made the effort to consider. As far as Kara could remember, her little sister had never even mentioned any celebrity crushes. It was a whole clean slate that Kara could imagine with.

Alex looked amused. Her closed lip smile was threatening to burst at the seam. She chuckled again, this time through her nose. "I don't really know what Sam's type is but I don't think it's Parker."

Again, it was a curious feeling to deflate from the elimination of a possibility that didn't even include her. Kara didn't understand it.

"Why am I disappointed to hear you say that?"

"I think it's a relief. I can't have agents dating each other."

That wasn't what Kara meant. She would let it drop though. It was too hard to explain and anyways, she needed to head back to work. There wasn't the time and they could always talk about it later.

She said bye to Alex and walked the long way out of the DEO under the guise of saying goodbye to Winn. Really, she just wanted to eavesdrop a little on Sam and Parker. See what it was they talked about, how they interacted. Mostly, Kara wanted to interrupt them to say, just a touch too enthusiastically, bye to Sam.

"Hi Winn!" She dropped into the seat next to him, just two away from Parker and three from Sam. She barely listened as Winn greeted her back. Her hearing was preoccupied with Parker and Sam. She bumped it up to super hearing when she found she couldn't really make out what Sam was saying with all the noise around them.

"Did you get Wang's account of our last raid?"

"Yea, he dropped it off this morning. You were sitting right next to me." Sam chuckled a little bit.

"Oh right. Right, right, right. I remember now. Man, I think that was before I had my coffee. Who knows what I was actually paying attention to."

"You and your coffee. It's almost disgusting."

"Hey now, don't hate. You have your vices and I have mine."

"Whatever." Kara couldn't see Sam but she knew she was smiling. Amused with Parker's banter. They worked silently for a few minutes before Sam jabbed at her keys randomly with more force than necessary.

"Woah there, She-Hulk. What's wrong?"

"I've been inputting it but it won't save for some reason and I swear to all gods that if I have to type up Wang's report one more time, I'm going to freak the fuck out."

There was the Sam Kara knew and loved. It was a short lived relief as Parker got up and stood behind Sam, leaning over her shoulder to look at the computer. He was close. Too close for Kara's liking. Even worse, Sam barely shied away. She did move a touch so that Parker wasn't touching her but otherwise, she sat unbothered and watched whatever he was doing on the screen.

"Kara? Kara!"

She jumped and turned to Winn in a rush. Honestly, Kara forgot that he was there. "What!?"

"Were you even listening to me?"

She smiled, feeling a little guilty. "Um. Kinda?"

Parker's voice caught her attention again. "Okay, well there's your problem. You keep hitting control N which opens a new document." He chuckled. "It's adorable how bad with computers you are."

"I am not _that_ bad!"

Kara cut off whatever new thing Winn was saying. "I have to go!"

She spun out of her chair and stood behind Parker still bent over Sam's chair. He had his head turned to look at Sam and straightened quickly when he saw Kara out of the corner of his eye. He looked nervous which pleased Kara.

"Uh, hello."

"Hi. I don't think we've met. I'm Kara, Sam's sister." She said sticky sweet, her hand held out. Parker looked at it before taking it in a rush.

"I know who you are. You're, uh," He leaned forward, hand still shaking Kara's, and whispered, "Supergirl. Agent Danvers had to tell us after that whole Luthors in the mountain thing."

That was surprising. Alex never told anyone. She was constantly annoyed with Kara for telling people. But yelling her civilian name into the comm was probably a dead giveaway. Maybe it was more of a _had to_ type briefing.

"That's right. And you're Parker, who is supposed to be helping Sam with her reports. Looks like you've been a whole lot of help."

"And Sam is sitting right here." Kara looked down at her sister who didn't look anymore annoyed than normal. Maybe just a touch from whatever was happening with Wang's report. Not what Kara was expecting when talking to her possible crush. It looked like Alex may have been right.

"Hi Sam!" Kara smiled bright. Annoyance with Parker aside, she was genuinely happy to see her sister. They were losing the touch of awkward from their failed sister night. It was nice seeing and talking to Sam again. "I can't really stay and chat."

"Could've fooled me."

"Right," Kara reached up to adjust her glasses. Sam was often too smart for her own good. Or, for Kara's good. "I get caught up sometimes. I was supposed to leave like ten minutes ago which I should probably get going. Now."

Sam laughed a little at Kara's rambling. "You probably should then."

"Yes. So bye. It was nice to meet you Parker."

As she was walking away, Kara squeezed her eyes shut. She had meant to be mean and intimidating to Parker. 'Nice to meet you' didn't really fall into either of those categories.

 **-What was that? (W)**

Kara groaned as she checked her phone. If Winn noticed than everyone definitely noticed. She was hoping that it was only to her that it was cringe-worthy.

 **-Nothing! What are you even talking about? (K)**

 **-U r the worst liar. Im gonna let it go but I want u to kno that I kno there is something weird going on (W)**

Winn did let it go. Besides the few glances at Kara, meant to convey that he _knew_ , he never even mentioned that her time in the computer bay had gone up quite a bit. He even let her use him as a cover, rambling on knowing full well that she wasn't actually listening.

All this extra time at the DEO only increased Kara's annoyance. She could see it was affecting Alex more and more too. Her big sister was irritated. She glared in Parker and Sam's direction every time they so much as made a sound. It was funny to Kara but not enough to eclipse her own annoyance.

Alex grabbed Kara by her super suit clad arm and pulled her into the lab. She didn't bother shutting the door. If she didn't have super strength and speed, Kara might have stumbled from the way Alex almost threw her into the room. Her sister was too caught up in her mood to notice.

"It's ridiculous!" Alex vented. "I've had to remind Parker twice now to stay on task. This is getting out of hand and it's annoying. We're professionals and I need them to act like it. We work for the government. This isn't just some place to hang out."

"Uh, Alex? We do that all the time. I mean, Maggie stops by just to see you on an almost daily basis. I don't think you can get mad at them for being friends at work."

"That's not the same." Alex answered crossly. "That's not even anywhere close to what I'm talking about it. This new friendship, or whatever it is, is affecting their performance which is unacceptable."

"Is Sam getting behind?"

"No. I just have to remind them to get back to work like all the time. And, back to my point about being professionals, I _swear_ Parker is flirting with her! That can't happen, and, I mean, it won't. Sam definitely isn't interested but this is our workplace. He can't do that here."

"It doesn't sound like it's affecting their performance." Kara tried to say it as gently and non-argumentative as possible. It wasn't that she disagreed with their new friendship being annoying. It just wasn't for the reasons that Alex was suggesting.

"It's affecting my performance which is almost worse. I can't do my job while babysitting them."

Kara had been thinking about this little problem for a couple days now. She was pretty sure she figured it out. It wasn't a comforting accomplishment though and it wasn't at all about Alex's or Sam's work performance.

"You're not babysitting them, Al."

"This morning, alone, I've had to tell them three times to get back to work. If that's not babysitting then what is it?"

"Being jealous?"

"Jealous?" Alex scoffed. "I am not jealous. What would I even be jealous of?"

"That Sam is being friendly with that guy instead of us." Kara hadn't meant to sound so sad about it but she couldn't help it. Figuring it out had included a special twinge of hurt for her. Now, it was mostly dull. Just the pain of accepting something unpleasant.

"No. That's not what this is."

"I think it is. I feel it too. That's why I've been so weird around them. I don't like seeing Sam like that which is awful because we should be happy that she has a friend."

"I _am_ happy she has a friend. I'm just annoyed that it's affecting her work."

"Alex." Kara said forcefully. She stopped Alex's anxious movements with hands on her shoulders. "It is not affecting her work. You're annoyed because you don't like seeing Sam liking someone else better than us.

"It's easier for us when she doesn't like anybody. We think she's being difficult in general when really, she's just being difficult with us because we aren't in a good place. That's a harder pill to swallow. And, it's not like either of us do well with jealousy."

Alex scoffed again. "I am not a jealous person."

"Bullshit." Kara almost laughed. That was ridiculous. Alex was extremely jealous and territorial. She actually couldn't wait until some situation with Maggie brought the green-eyed monster out. Alex had never really been in a serious relationship and Kara was curious what it looked like. If she had to guess, probably atomic.

Alex raised both eyebrows at her. It wasn't like she swore often but it was needed in that moment. Her sister was being ridiculous.

Before Alex could deny it more, a bout of laughter in the computer bay caught their attention. They both looked out to watch Sam, eyes closed and laughing hard, double over. Parker's hand was on her shoulder as he went into an almost identical position.

"Fine. I'm jealous. Whatever. Now, excuse me."

Kara followed Alex as she marched out of her lab. It was like a movie unfolding in front of her. Mon-El, his attention caught by the scene in the computer bay, walked up to Kara's side. He tried to ask what was going on but Kara shushed him. She didn't want to miss whatever Alex was going to do or say.

Alex grabbed Parker's hand and removed it from Sam's shoulder. Next, she placed her hands on both their arms and pushed them apart, stepping slightly between them. She turned to Parker but Sam started her protest.

"What the hell, Alex?"

Alex didn't answer her. "First of all, you're both supposed to be working. I asked you for your account of our latest warehouse raid this morning, Parker. Since I don't have it, I doubt its finished. Second, she isn't interested. I'm pretty sure she won't ever be interested. Sam only wants to be your friend. Now, stop embarrassing yourself and acting like a child at work. Go. Get my report done."

She barely took in any breath as she turned to Sam. Kara felt a tight ball of excitement in her stomach. Confrontation was not something she was overly fond of. Not the verbal kind at least. Teeing up against an alien or bad guy was one thing. Trading words sometimes made her anxious. Seeing Alex though, it was always exciting to see her talk circles around people until they were supporting her point and not even realizing it. Like the reverse psychology tactic Bugs Bunny used.

That wasn't the case today. Alex wasn't in it for a marathon. There was a note of law in her voice, given to her from her role as assistant director of the Department of Extra-Normal Operations. It was surprisingly professional for someone who just admitted they were jealous. Kara was also impressed how she was able to keep the scolding semi-private. Mon-El was the only other person to catch notice of it as far as Kara could tell.

"You're off grounding." She said to Sam. Both younger sisters' mouth dropped a little. Kara's openly. Sam's more subtle and she caught herself quickly. "Report to my lab now so I can take your stitches out."

Sam walked off. Parker looked the part of scolded school boy, stuck in place even after his dismissal. Kara was struck by how young he looked. The floppy hair and freckles only added to it. She guessed he was close to Sam's age. It was probably why they gravitated toward each other.

Alex turned back to him. Some of her annoyance drained and she spoke to him with less force in her voice. Kara wouldn't call it gentle. Maybe just less hostile.

"Parker. I'm sorry but it needed to stop. Get me that report."

He walked off, realizing he was being dismissed for the second time. Mon-El started an applause of one. He looked a mix of surprised and impressed.

"I've heard tale of your epic scoldings but I haven't gotten to see one yet. Not what I thought it would be like but it didn't disappoint."

"Oh, Mon-El." Alex started condescendingly. "You haven't seen anything. Go ask Winn to tell you some stories."

She went after Sam and Kara stayed with Mon-El. He smiled, stepping slightly closer.

"Well, hello there. I feel like I haven't seen you in a while."

"I just saw you this morning!"

"It's after lunch now." He pouted, just barely keeping his smile away. Kara could see it and it brought hers out. "That's a while." He dropped the pout and let his teeth show through his smile, then he nodded toward her sisters. "What was all that about?"

"Parker's not been doing what he was supposed to, I guess."

"Yea, Matt's been a little distracted lately. Can you blame him though? The Danvers sisters are pretty distracting."

"Wait. You knew he liked Sam and didn't tell me!?"

Mon-El shrugged. "I didn't really think too much about it. Really, I was serious when I said you guys are distracting. If Alex wasn't so scary, she'd be beating guys off with a stick." Mon-El paused and pointed out in addition, "The ladies too.

"And, well, we both know how I feel about you." Mon-El smiled and moved to put his hands on Kara's hips. She swatted them away and took a step back.

"Not at the DEO. We aren't even…we should probably…I need to get back to CatCo. I'll call you later, okay?"

It wasn't that she was uncomfortable with Mon-El. Just uncomfortable with him doing stuff like that at the DEO where she's supposed to be professional. Like Alex said. This was their workplace, for Rao's sake! Not the place for all that…open affection.


	76. Chapter 76

"What was that?"

Sam didn't sit down like she knew to do when Alex was in medic mode. She stood with her arms crossed tight over her chest. Alex took a deep breath. It was a little embarrassing now that she thought about her actions from just a few minutes ago. Even more discomforting would be explaining them to Sam, who definitely wouldn't be happy with the truth or with any excuse Alex could come up with.

"I need you to check your cut. Take a seat."

"No. Not until you explain what in the hell just happened. You and Kara have been weird and that was honestly rude, Alex. And a little embarrassing! There was no reason to call Parker out in front of everyone."

"You guys weren't working!"

"Yes, we were! Parker gave _me_ his report to copy into the mass archive. I was going to bring it to you once I was done."

Alex didn't say anything. Only thought 'oh' and her face must have shown it. Sam pushed forward, gaining momentum.

"Yea, exactly. You yelled at us for no reason! And then that whole thing about not liking him? What in the actual fuck _was that?_ You wanna yell at us for being inappropriate at work then do that? Come on, Alex. That's none of your business."

"Do you like him?"

"I never said that."

"It seemed like you implied it."

"Fine. No, I don't like him and I really don't understand why you need to know that."

"Because if you did then we would have to go down to HR and there would be paperwork to fill out and a whole conversation we would need to have. We have a strict policy about relationships at work. As your supervisor, I needed to know." Alex paused slightly. "As your sister, I just wanted to."

"That still doesn't mean you can put us on blast in the middle of the floor."

"You're right. I reacted a little too strongly."

"Ya think?" Sam scoffed. She finally took a seat but Alex could feel the annoyance still radiating off her. Alex sat opposite and turned her palm over.

The stitches could come out. It'd been long enough in terms of general rule and it didn't look like they were needed anyway. The skin around it was the faded purple of scaring and the open wound was pulling itself together, the edges puckering. Her body was taking its job back over from the stitches.

"You didn't answer what all that was about."

And she didn't want to because Kara was right. Alex didn't like how buddy, buddy Sam was with Parker. She didn't like that it was so easy for Sam to let someone else in when she couldn't let Alex or Kara in. And that was embarrassing to admit.

Rationally, she knew it would be easier for Sam to let others in. Parker didn't have the muddy history that Sam shared with her sisters. Parker was clean cut, easy to read, and light. No blurred lines of an adjusted family or ingrained predispositions or heavy experiences.

"Well?" Sam asked again. It was obvious Alex wasn't going to get out of this.

She should try to? Sam was notorious for not being able to handle the can of worms that she opened. It might be better to brush it off, say that Alex was buried under her own work load and took it out on them. That was often easily forgiven.

No. They needed to be open with each other. That was the issue with sister night. Alex needed to be the example for them to change.

She sighed and smiled, self-depreciatingly. "It's kind of embarrassing."

"Not any more than being called out for someone having a crush on you in front of the entire department. I think you can get through this."

"Very true. I guess first, I owe you an apology. I didn't mean to embarrass you. It's just that I need Parker to focus and it's been going on for a few days."

"You don't need to justify, Alex. Just be sorry."

"Right. Yea, right." She continued cutting the stitches out. It was hard for Alex to simply apologize without giving a reason why she did what she did. It was like she had to prove that she wasn't as wrong as an apology implies. It was a horrible habit. "I'm sorry."

"Accepted. Now explain."

"Isn't explaining another word for justifying?"

"Not exactly. Justifying is telling me that you were in the right for what you did. Explaining is just telling me why you did it. It's objective. And, I don't mean Parker not being focused or whatever. If that was the case, you wouldn't have been so forceful about it. You would've just called him in and assigned him to some other task than helping me.

"That was something else and you guys keep telling me we have to talk stuff out so…ya know, talk to me."

Sam was bashful about it. Her words losing steam and conviction as she prompted Alex to talk to her. It was still nice to hear though. Reaffirming for Alex when sometimes she felt like they were at the mercy of the tides of their emotions between all three of them.

Alex kept talking, buying herself time. Regardless that they needed to set this precedent, it was still hard to admit. She hated that she got jealous. It seemed weak. On top of that, it felt silly.

"It really is kind of embarrassing, and I'm not proud of it. It's honestly like the stupidest reason so, don't judge me too hard. Okay?"

"I'd love to not judge you but I can't not judge you until you tell me."

She only had two more stitches to cut. She stayed quiet while she did so, using the task as a distraction. Once they were out, Alex got up to get alcohol and antibiotics to clean her palm.

Sam didn't push her any further into the conversation. It was only a few moments. Alex just needed to bolster herself into saying it.

"I, well, Kara too. _We_ were kind of jealous."

"Of what?" Sam's hand twitched as Alex put pressure with an alcohol-soaked cotton ball held by long tweezers. "That kind of hurts."

"It'll be tender for a few days. Just like any cut but this one was deep so it'll feel like a bruise too. That's good though. We were worried about nerve damage, remember? But it seems like you're okay." Alex tossed the cotton ball in the trash and put the tweezers down. "As for what we were jealous of, it seemed really easy for you to let Parker in. Which is great, don't get me wrong. I'm glad you're making friends but you guys got close _fast_. It was hard to see, I guess."

"Because it's not as fast for us?" Alex nodded as she rubbed the antibiotic around Sam's cut. "It's kind of completely different though."

"I know that. Jealous isn't exactly a rational feeling."

Sam laughed a little. "I'm not even going to say anything about that. It's not my place after all the 'rational' feelings I've had."

"We all have them. Don't even worry about it." Alex put strips over the cut. It looked good but she wanted to be sure it didn't pull open again. "Without the stitches, it's going to feel like you have a lot more mobility but I need you to take it easy for a little longer."

"I'm still grounded? I thought you said…?"

Alex shook her head. "You're not but there's a process we'll put you through to get you back. It's to ease you back in instead of basically throwing you to the wolves. You'll be back to full go by early next week. Finish off today with your reports. Tomorrow, we'll start you in with some light training."

She quickly wrapped Sam's hand. "Keep this wrapped for the next two days. Those strips need about two days too. After you take them off, don't worry about covering it anymore. You can unwrap it for bed too. It'd probably be good to give it some air."

"Got it."

"You're good to head back out then. I should probably find Parker and apologize to him too."

"I wouldn't." Sam replied as she stood up. "He's terrified of you and I know you like it best that way. If you apologize, you'll ruin it."

Alex laughed. "I'm trying to stop ruling through fear."

"Because you're such a queen, right? I thought that was J'onn's title."

"Queen J'onn. I think it suits him."

"Excuse me?"

Both girls whipped around at the stoic and smooth voice. J'onn stood in the door way. He looked amused but Alex couldn't help the small flutter of panic at being caught. Sam looked just as much a deer in the headlights as she did.

"Uh…well. Nothing, sir." Alex tried to stifle her laughter now that the initial wave of panic subsided. She couldn't stop picturing him in an obnoxious dress with a crown. He looked at her, waiting for some sort of explanation but was amused.

Sam was silent. J'onn looked between the two. Slowly, a smile came to his face. "I find that queens are often underestimated in your history though many of them have been more successful than kings. I think I'd much rather be considered a queen."

Sam bust out laughing. She smiled wide at J'onn who returned it easily. It seemed that Space Dad was out in full force that morning. Alex was too busy being bewildered to appreciate that his role as stand-in dad was being extended to Sam too. J'onn wanted to be a queen?

"Queen Elizabeth is my favorite. She survived Bloody Mary. I guess that's like you and the real Henshaw. At least if what Winn told me about him is true."

Now Alex was bewildered that Sam had a favorite queen. It was a weird thing to have a favorite of. Especially for someone who had sailed her way through early schooling with Ds. Maybe it was Howe. Alex didn't know much of Sam during her time there except that she did exceptionally better in the classroom and had a cleaner record.

"She was also known for the arts flourishing during her rule." J'onn was nodding, considering the idea. "I think I would like to be like Queen Elizabeth. As for Henshaw, I'm sure Agent Schott embellished a bit but he was an awful man. I didn't feel bad about taking over his life since I was able to make it a better one."

"What is happening right now?" Alex asked.

"We were talking about queens but now, we're all going to get back to work." J'onn answered. He gave them a curt nod. "Get to it ladies."

J'onn walked out and Sam commented, "That was hilarious. Who knew J'onn liked queens?"

"Who knew _you_ did?"

"There's a lot you don't know about me. We've got some catching up to do."

She was right. There was so much Alex didn't really know about her sister. It felt smothering and heavy to think about. Like she colossally dropped the ball. Which she had. There was no 'like' about it.

"I think we should probably start hanging out, the three of us, to fix that." Sam suggested. Then she quickly added, "Not a sister night thing. That's…I don't know."

"Breakfast on the weekends?"

Sam nodded as she thought about it. "Yea, that could be cool. Saturday or Sunday?"

"Let's do Saturday this week. Nine sound okay?"

"As good as any other time."

"Do you want to ask Kara or do you want me to?"

"I will if I can get an extended lunch to ask her today?" Sam smiled at Alex. She rolled her eyes. Sam was lucky her suggestion put Alex in a good mood. An absolute 180 of a mood compared to how she felt a little while ago.

"Fine. Not that you need it though."

"Cool. Now, I should probably get back. I can see J'onn looking at me from here and as much as I like the guy, I'd rather not get on his bad side."

She started making her way out but Alex had a question. "Hey Sam."

"Yea?" Her sister stopped at the threshold of her lab.

"Why do you think this was, I don't know, easier to deal with than most of our other fights?"

Sam shrugged. "No clue. Maybe because we actually talked about it. Usually we just get mad then like pout about it until we blow up. Which you kind of did, I guess."

"I didn't 'kind of' anything." Alex laughed, only to keep things light. This conversation felt like it might jinx things. She needed to know though.

"True."

"Why didn't you?"

"I'm trying to act more on those rational feelings than the other ones. I can't get mad at you just because you get upset with me. It's not like that's worked for us in the past."

"Wow." Alex wasn't ready for that answer. "That was really mature, Sam."

"I know, right?" Her sister smiled with a tilt of her head. "Who knew?"

Who knew was right. It was a nice change. Probably one that wouldn't be as consistent as they'd all like but the effort was all that mattered. None of them were perfect. That was something all three needed to remember. Alex needed to remember it about herself too and that she didn't need to be. It was okay to mess up as long as she owned up to it.


	77. Chapter 77

Sam took advantage of her long lunch just like she told Alex she would. By making her way to CatCo to talk to Kara. Now that she knew why Kara had butted into her conversation with Parker the other day and why Alex had blown up, she wasn't mad. Two grown women had been jealous because she made a new friend. It was mostly funny.

The way both of them handled it was so completely them. Kara had made a fool of herself by being a rambling mess. Alex had intimidating Parker enough that he had texted Sam saying he was going to keep his distance during on-duty hours for a few days to let Alex cool down. Sam might have been mad if it wasn't best for both of them to be more focused. She had let herself relax too much at work since she was grounded and dragged Parker along with her.

As she rode the elevator up, Sam was struck by nerves. The thought of seeing Emma, after so long with no communication, made her feel awkward and like her skin was crawling. Awkward wasn't something Sam liked feeling. But, she couldn't decide if she hoped Emma wasn't there or that she was.

The slight pull of disappointment at seeing her desk empty answered that question. Sam checked her watch, 12:52pm. She must be on her own lunch break.

Tony wasn't though. He pushed his cart past her in a rush, cutting off Sam's path. He didn't even spare her a glance. Sam was sure he didn't even notice, maybe didn't even recognize her. He had always had this single-minded focus while working. She rolled her eyes at his stupid attitude that hadn't seemed to change in her absence.

"No. Leave, Other One."

Sam stopped, one step in the reporter bullpen. Snapper was blocking her way, his hand raised and pointing in the opposite direction.

"Excuse me?"

"Leave. Exit the vicinity. Be gone. Bye-bye. I don't know how else you want me to say it."

Sam pointed at herself, still not understanding why she was being stopped. Snapper never really gave her much attention when she had been at CatCo. And why the hell did he call her 'other one'?

"Me?"

"Yea, _you_. Jesus. You're almost as dense as Ponytail."

"Who is Ponytail? And why did you call me other one?"

"Ponytail is your sister. Her name is Kara Danvers in case you forgot. And you're the other one." He waved off his not-really-an-explanation explanation. As if it was perfectly clear. Maybe if Sam wasn't so caught off guard by being the sole subject of the man's attention it might have been.

"Ya know, I really don't care about the nicknames. Why can't I see Kara?"

"Because she's actually working for once and I need her piece by the end of the day. So, goodbye."

"I only need like ten minutes, at most. I'll be quick."

"No."

"I will also stand here until you let me talk to her which will waste your entire day. It's up to you, Snapper."

He narrowed his eyes at her. A couple seconds passed. Then 30. Sam was counting up to a minute when he finally answered her.

"Fine. You have five minutes. If you are not done by then, tough. Go get it over with."

Sam walked away with Snapper grumbling under his breath about family. She smiled to herself. Kara was hunched over her raised desk, typing and writing furiously in intervals. She didn't even notice when Sam was standing next to her. Sam knocked on her desk.

Kara shot up, looking surprised. She placed a hand over her chest. "Sam! You scared me."

"I don't think I'll ever understand how that happens to you."

Kara did a weird wave of her hand. "I wasn't paying attention. But listen, I really can't talk right now. I forgot that Snapper needed this by the end of today and I'm not even close to finished!"

"He said I can have five minutes. I promise I'll be quick."

Her sister had started to bend over again but she stopped, braced herself on the desk with both hands and looked up at Sam. With Snapper's permission, Sam knew she'd have her absolute attention. It made her nervous. Not that she needed to be. Kara would readily agree to breakfast.

"Okay, so. Alex and I were talking while she checked my hand. We got talking about queens for some reason. I don't really know." Sam closed her eyes and shook her head. She was turning into her sisters which was not okay. "That doesn't matter. It's just that we decided we should all have breakfast on Saturday. At nine."

Kara smiled. "This weekend?"

Sam rolled her eyes. She bit back the sarcastic remark that tried to slip out. Kara was nothing if not consistent in her habits of asking obvious things.

"Yes, this weekend. Nine in the morning, by the way." She added, not being able to help herself.

"Okay! That sounds fun!" Kara stood up and put her hands on her hips. "Did you guys already have somewhere planned? If not, we should go to Noonan's. I haven't been there for a proper breakfast in a long time. Not with work and my other stuff being so hectic."

"A proper breakfast?" Sam asked, one eyebrow up. Kara always had loved her some breakfast food. It was like a national holiday to her when they had it for dinner growing up.

"Yea, a sandwich to go does not count as a proper breakfast."

"You're so weird."

Kara shrugged. "It's the most important meal of the day!"

"Other one!" Snapper shouted. Sam looked over to find him tapping his watch. Of course he had timed them. She waved him off.

"Looks like my time is up." She said to Kara.

"Noonan's at nine on Saturday then?"

"Sounds good to me. Text Alex and tell her. I'll probably forget by the time I get back."

"Okay, I will!"

"Other one." Snapper said again, this time in a lower tone that was obviously to get his impatience across.

"Why does he call me that?"

"I think because he calls Alex the scary one but you're my sister too."

"Does everyone think Alex is scary?"

Kara laughed a little. "Pretty much. It's the whole agent, badass thing she projects. No one really gets the goofy Alex in the 'real' world."

"You are encroaching on five and a half minutes. That was not our deal." Snapper said. He stood next to the girls, very unhappily.

"Alright, alright." Sam put her hands up. "Sorry. I'm gone."

She gave a small wave to Kara and left. Snapper walked with her all the way to the end of the bullpen. It was amusing. If it was anyone other than Snapper, Sam would be annoyed. The guy was so intense it was funny though.

That had taken way less time than Sam thought it would. Alex was right when she said she didn't need an extended lunch to make it to CatCo and back and eat. She was even more right since the conversation was roughly five minutes long.

Sam thought about her options. Get back and get to work or enjoy her lunch with the extra time and get a break from the damn reports. The latter sounded much more appealing.

Her walk toward the elevators consisted of thinking of which places she'd pass on her way back to the DEO. At least until she caught a glimpse of light brown hair and glasses. Quickly, she rerouted. Sam would ask James if he wanted to have lunch. The time for a real lunch to catch up was there. Not to mention, he would totally let her use his elevator.


	78. Chapter 78

**A/N: So..uh...sorry. I was without wifi for a few days! But, here it is! The long chapter I told y'all about. It turned into 8,000+ (including this note though so...). Heads up, this is crazily dialogue heavy. It's a big 'get to know you' chapter. I apologize because while I'm usually dialogue heavy, this is a whole other level. I wanted to show the sisters taking the time to get to know each other and making the effort. And, it is setting Sam up a bit outside of the angry, hurt little sister for you.** **Hope you enjoy! Thanks for reading!**

It was exactly nine in the morning. Not 8:55 am. Not any time after nine since it went against her very nature to be late at this point in life. But Sam didn't want to be there early. So 9:00am it was. Exactly. As she pushed the door to Noonan's open her eyes scanned the room. At first, she didn't see either sister. An exciting waving caught her eye though and she saw Kara beaming at her from across Noonan's. Sam smiled timidly and gave a much more subdued wave as she made her way over.

"Hi! Morning!" Kara greeted. Sam wondered how long she'd been there. Knowing Kara, it could span from an hour to only a few minutes. She was a little more inconsistent on her timing than Sam or Alex was.

"Hey."

Sam slipped into the seat across from her. Kara had picked a table far from the bar, kind of toward the back windows, with four chairs on each side of the square table. No one was going to be stuck on one side with two on the other. A little touch that Sam knew Kara had deliberately done.

"Did you see Alex when you were coming in?" Sam shook her head. "Huh. That's weird. She's pretty much never late."

Kara pulled her phone out and started tapping on the screen. Once she was done, Sam assumed with texting Alex, she put it down. All her attention was now on Sam.

Instantly, Sam felt awkward. A little panicky. That couldn't happen today though. Sam was going to make the effort. Maggie was right when she said that Sam needed to work against instinct if she wanted to change things.

Not to mention, Kara didn't deserve the aversion and lack of effort. She wasn't to blame for what becoming part of their family meant for the rest of them. She was a little girl in an entirely new world who had no choice in the matter. Kara _is_ family. Sam needed to fully accept that and stop blaming her for things that no one could control.

So, Sam steeled herself for whatever discomfort she was about to put herself in. It would be fine. Kara was the squishiest puppy anyone could ever talk to. She would not judge Sam for anything that might come out of her mouth. Maybe jokingly but never serious. This was Kara and Sam could do this. She just had to start talking. About anything. Right now. Right… _now_.

Her mouth opened. Then closed. Then Sam rolled her eyes at herself and thought, fuck it. "How's, uh, Mon-El?"

"He's good! We watched _Harry Potter_ last night, the first two. All part of his Earthly education." She wiggled her head and shoulders side to side then got serious, "I don't think he really liked them."

"What? Who in their right mind doesn't like _Harry Potter_?" Sam asked, not thinking about her reaction. Not until Kara's smile notched up in wattage again.

"I didn't know you liked _Harry Potter_! It's one of my favorite series! Which is your favorite?"

" _Halfblood Prince_. Did he say why he didn't like it?" Sam shifted the spotlight off her. She wasn't ready for the instant connection no matter how much she was trying to bridge the gap.

Kara shrugged and seemed to know what Sam was doing. She toned it down a bit, settling back into her chair instead of eager and leaning on the table. "He said he liked it but I don't know. He just didn't really seem that into it."

"You should break up with him. That's ridiculous."

"We aren't dating!" Kara exclaimed in harmless frustration. Her head tipped back and her hands came up only to fall back down onto the table. "Why does everyone always say we're dating?"

"Because he talks about you non-stop and then that whole jealous thing with the interdimensional dude. And you obviously like him."

"So? That doesn't mean we're dating. We still haven't really talked about it."

"Why not?" Sam asked after a few moments of stalled conversation. Kara was obviously waiting for that exact question as she jumped into her answer without hesitation.

"Because I'm still not sure it's a good idea! I mean, he's from _Daxim_. And I don't mean that in a 'I'm a Kryptonian,'" Sam's eyes flashed around them. Kara was talking just a touch too loud for her cover. No one was close enough to hear. At least she thought no one was close enough. She still motioned for Kara to keep it down. "Sorry. It's just, not in the 'I'm what I am and he's our enemy' type thing.

"Daximites are just so irresponsible and thoughtless, just completely inconsiderate. I need someone with depth that can understand what I believe in and why I do the whole…ya know. I don't know if that's him."

It was a good point. Mon-El was shallow and seemed only worried about having fun. It wasn't as bad as when he was first getting used to Earth, Sam could see that he was mellowing and finding his own depth. It was obvious he cared about Kara too. Despite whatever misguided attempts he used to show it, he hadn't let up on the chase.

"They say opposites attract." Sam answered, a little lamely. Mon-El wasn't a bad guy. As annoying as he could be, Sam kind of liked him once she got used to his blunt because he was uncultured tendencies of speech.

"He's _too_ opposite though, isn't he?"

Sam didn't get to answer. A very flustered Alex was power walking to their table. She pulled her chair out and dropped into it all while spewing apologies.

"I am _so_ sorry. I hate being late and I swear I got up early enough. It's just, Maggie wouldn't let me out of bed." That was a little more than Sam wanted to know about her sister's morning. To Sam's discomfort, Kara looked like the cat who got the canary. "Then J'onn called and I got caught up in the conversation. When I finally got him to hang up, Maggie–"

"Alex, please. Do not tell us anything else about you and Maggie. I do not want to know." Sam jumped in before there were any details.

"Oh no. _Please_ continue. This is gold, Sam. Look. Her face is already getting red!"

"Shut up." Alex said with a smile, her face indeed already getting red. She was saved by the waitress coming over.

"Just three, right?" She asked Kara, who nodded. "Alright. Well, my name's Ruby. I'll be taking care of you guys this morning. What would you like to drink?"

"Coffee, with two shots your French vanilla creamer please." Alex ordered. Ruby nodded and scribbled it down. She turned to Sam.

"And you?"

"Just water. Please."

"Lemon?"

Sam would never understand the draw of lemon water. It tasted weird in her opinion. She shook her head. Ruby turned next to Kara.

"Would you like a refill?"

"Please." Kara passed her mug to the waitress with a smile. "Thank you!"

Once the waitress was gone, Alex seemed to come out of her flustered embarrassment. "I almost forgot!" She laughed a little at herself. "I can't believe I almost forgot."

"What?" Kara asked, getting caught up in the excitement in Alex's voice. Their oldest sister gave a quick raise of her eyebrows before turning to Sam.

She looked at Kara then Alex, not liking the look on Alex's face. She was excited about something and Sam hadn't done anything excitement worthy. Maybe because her easing back into active duty went quicker than anyone thought? That didn't seem like a big deal though.

"The reason J'onn called, Sam, is to let me know that you are now a no training wheels, official DEO agent! He cleared you!"

Not at all what she was expecting. Sam thought it would be another couple weeks before she was done shadowing Alex. Especially with her recent grounding. She smiled but her mind was surprisingly almost blank. Sam had no idea how to really react. It was a shocker.

"OhmyRao!" Kara squealed. "Sam! Congrats! Rao, that's so great! Ah! We have to celebrate!"

"Kara, shhh!" Alex shushed her.

Kara had been practically shouting; once again announcing to anyone in earshot that she was not from Earth. Sam was starting to understand why Alex was so anal about Kara keeping her secret identity secret. If Alex wasn't on her, Kara would've accidently blabbed it to the entirety of National City on accident.

That snapped Sam into thinking. She looked at Kara who was looking for their waitress. Really, she was too excited to care much but here was still the norm to keep up.

"We don't need to." Sam protested but one look at the smile on her face and Kara was ignoring her completely.

"You be quiet. We are totally celebrating this." She caught sight of the blonde Ruby and got up. "I'll be right back!"

That left Alex and Sam at the table. Sam looked down at the napkin holder she was fumbling with. That damn smile wouldn't leave. She couldn't even bring herself to properly care about it either. She was _official_ DEO now. She made it. This was real and she didn't fuck it up.

"Congrats." Alex offered, much more subdued than Kara. When Sam looked up, the proud look on her sister's face told her she was no less excited than Kara despite the subtly. "Seriously Sam. That's really great."

"Thanks." Sam answered. She felt shy she realized. Kind of bashful about her accomplishment. It was foreign and weird. She wasn't sure she was a fan. Then she surprised herself and pushed like she had been doing with Kara. "And thanks for helping me." Sam scoffed a little, good naturedly. "I literally couldn't have done it without you."

"Happy to help."

Alex turned her attention to Noonan's, scanning the room for Kara. Their middle sister was nowhere to be seen. That was worrying. Kara was known to get carried away. A very sane sense of dread spread through Sam. Kara could be up to anything. For all they knew, she could come out with a five-layer cake with sparklers on top while leading the entire place in some weird congratulations song.

Their drinks were dropped off as they waited. Ruby smiled as she set Sam's glass of water in front of her. She paused before leaving to attend to her other tables.

"Your sister said you guys are celebrating a new job or promotion? Something like that?"

"Uh, yea. I guess it is kinda like a promotion." Sam answered, looking to Alex for confirmation. She gave a shrugging nod. "I'm done with training."

"Well congrats! What do you do?"

"Thanks." Sam was panicking again. Alex hadn't gone over what her cover job was instead of telling people that she worked for a super-secret government agency that dealt with meta-humans and aliens. She looked to Alex again. "Uh…"

"We both work in the FBI."

It was kind of ridiculous how easily Alex answered. In relative terms, working for the FBI was normal compared to what they really did. Still, it was hard to let go of the pop culture driven idea that the FBI was something to keep covered up. Sam wondered how people would react to the DEO if the raised eyebrows, impressed look Ruby was giving them was a baseline expression.

"Oh wow. That's hardcore. I feel like an extra congrats is needed for that."

Sam smiled and thanked her again. Once Ruby was gone, they continued their lookout for Kara. They should have asked the waitress where she was.

"Oh god. Where is she?" Sam asked. "I swear if she comes out with like a band and streamers or something, I'm out."

"I honestly wouldn't put it past her."

"I know. That's why I'm worried."

Alex laughed, making eye contact with Sam before looking back over the restaurant. Finally, they both watched Kara come out from the kitchen.

"How did she even get back there?"

"She's hard to say no to."

As she got closer, Sam saw that she held a plate in her hands. A candle was stuck into a cinnamon roll. It made Sam laugh. Not what she was expecting, more toned down, but definitely still very Kara.

"Congrats!" Kara said loudly, stopping in front of Sam. She placed the plate in front of her. The candle was tall and orange. Her favorite color. "This is the best I could do while knowing if I did anything more, you'd probably not like it so congrats! Yay!"

"Am I supposed to make a wish?" Sam joked. She'd only ever seen candles on birthday cakes and those you were supposed to wish on.

"If you want to! I would."

Alex leaned forward to put her chin in her hand. "Why not? It couldn't hurt."

There were plenty of options. A lot of things could be better. There were things Sam wanted. When she really thought about it though, only one thing stood out.

Sam put on a show of closing her eyes and making her wish. Then she leaned forward and blew the candle out, eyes still closed. Kara clapped rapidly.

"What'd you wish for!?"

"It won't come true if I tell you." Sam teased, leaning back and leaving the sweet treat to sit. They'd get to it. She wasn't in a rush.

Alex rolled her eyes and Kara frowned. "That's not true. You can tell me and it won't affect the wish at all. That's just a stupid wives' tale."

"I honestly would've thought you'd be all about that one."

"She's not because she's nosey." Alex answered for Kara.

"I am not!"

"You're a reporter, Kara. Your job is to literally stick your nose in people's business. There's no argument for you here."

Sam listened to them go back and forth. She knew Kara was nosey. Everyone knew that because she was nosey and not sneaky about it at all. Sam had never been bothered by it, not like Alex. Probably because Sam just wouldn't answer Kara if she didn't want to. She wondered if that would change as their relationship changed. Would she feel the same obligation to answer Kara's questions that Alex did, even if she didn't want to answer?

"I wished we would find Dad soon." Sam injected into a short pause between their bickering. Both sisters turned to her, suddenly serious. Neither of them knew how to approach that statement.

Sam shrugged, suddenly self-conscious. "You've been looking for him for so long now and, ya know…I mean, things went south when he left. Maybe they'll get better again when we find him. Make this all a little easier."

That softened Kara. Alex still looked uncomfortable but Sam would bet that it was the talk about their dad and his still being missing. Not their effort to better their relationship.

"We'll find him." Kara affirmed. Alex gave a nod.

Their savior was once again Ruby their waitress. "Are you guys ready to order?"

"Yea." Kara answered, putting her order in first. "May I have the short stack of pancakes with extra syrup and butter, a side of bacon, three eggs over medium, hashbrowns, and a fruit cup?"

Ruby looked at her, obviously caught off guard. Sam didn't blame her. Almost every wait staff who helped Kara got that look. Sometimes it still shocked Sam how much the Kryptonian ate. It was easy to forget her increased appetite. Only further increased by her exertion as Supergirl.

"Oh! And some grits with…" Kara trailed off as she moved the items in the middle of the table around. "Nevermind. The sugar is out here. Just an extra thing of butter then."

"Got it." Ruby said slowly. "Okay, and, uh, what can I get for you?"

"I'll have the southern omelette with hashbrowns and a side of wheat toasts, please."

She turned to Sam last. She hadn't really thought about what she wanted. Not that she needed much with the cinnamon roll sitting in front of her. "Uh, can I just get two eggs over medium, bacon, and hashbrowns?"

"Of course. That'll be out soon."

"Okay, so exciting news and ordering aside, Alex told me why we're doing breakfast." Kara started to explain. "I think it's a great idea! We'll be able to get closer and hangout _and_ get to know each other better. It'll be so much fun!"

Her enthusiasm was almost painful. In a good, amusing way. Sam cringed as Kara kept talking and bent to rummage through the bag Sam hadn't noticed before.

"I did some research. I figured we wouldn't really get anywhere if we just winged it, ya know? I found lots of 'get to know you' questions." Kara straightened with a bound notepad in her hands. She flipped it open. "It's interesting. Most of the ones I found online, the good ones at least, were all to ask your spouse or significant other.

"All the other kinds were just what's your favorite…then whatever category of favorite they were asking for. Like food or color or movie. That's boring and dumb. We'll just skip any weird questions that come up in the romantic questions. Okay?"

Kara finally looked up at them. Alex looked amused. And not surprised at all. Like she knew Kara was going to come into breakfast overly prepared and excited. Sam realized Alex probably did know that and planned for it.

Kara smiled. It was innocent and childlike. She was so purely excited to be having this conversation with Alex and Sam at breakfast. It made Sam's soul ache and her heart swell. She hated that Kara needed to feel so much about a simple breakfast.

That was neither here nor there. Not anymore. Moving forward into the future, getting past the past. No need to dwell.

"Who wants to start?"

"Why don't you ask a question and then we'll all answer it?" Alex suggested.

Kara wagged a finger at her and nodded earnestly. "Right. Yea, that's a good idea."

"How many questions do you have anyways?" Sam asked.

There was a very good chance that there were over a hundred questions throughout that notepad. Kara was nothing if not thorough. The sheepish smile Sam got was enough to let her know that maybe she should've guessed closer to two hundred.

"There's not _that_ many. If you think about it…"

"What's your guess?" Sam asked Alex, cutting off Kara's excuse. It didn't matter how any of them thought about it, there were that many.

"150."

"Guys!" Kara whined. "Stop. It's not funny! I brought a lot on purpose!"

"I'm going with an even 200." Sam grinned at Alex. "Who wins, Kara?"

She didn't answer at first. Kara looked between her sisters indignantly. She opened her mouth, probably to defend herself and why she had so many questions. Then she deflated a bit.

"There's 175 so neither of you win." She held a finger to both Alex and Sam. "Not a word. I wanted to make sure we had enough!"

"Let's only do 25. Then we'll have some for next week."

"And the week after that and the week after that and the week after that." Sam teased.

"I also need to get home to clean my apartment at some point today." Alex continued. "I don't have time for 175 questions. I'm sorry, Kara."

"I didn't actually think we would get through all of them!"

Sure you didn't, Sam thought. Kara might not have thought they would but she probably wanted to. This was all right up her alley. Personal, sit down talking that led to a deeper connection. There wasn't anything more Kara.

"First question." Sam prompted. They might as well jump in. The more time they took beating around the bush, the more nerves built up in Sam.

This was going to be invasive. Harmlessly but it didn't matter. These conversations were the kind that Sam usually avoided. There wasn't anything less Sam.

Kara read from her pad. "What are three things on your bucket list? Oh! This is a good one. Who wants to answer first?"

"I don't think I have a bucket list…" Alex mused out loud.

"Really?" That surprised Sam. Alex was so organized. It seemed odd that her greatest desires weren't in a neat and orderly list. She shrugged.

"My three are," Kara held up her fist and flipped a finger for each. "To have a big front page story, compete in the Nathaniel's hot dog eating competition, and beat Clark out as Earth's champion."

"You do know that those hot dog eaters like train for those competition?"

"Yea but I bet I could do pretty well."

Sam laughed. Those were extremely diverse goals.

"Yours?"

"Uh," She thought hard. Sam didn't really keep a concrete bucket list. She had things she wanted to do, sure, but were they bucket list worthy? "You know that show, _American Ninja Warrior_? I think it would be cool to try that. I'd like to travel more. The places I got to go in the Army were cool and I enjoyed being there."

"Where'd you go besides Kyrgyzstan?"

"You were stationed in Belgium for a while right?" Kara asked. That had been the first place Sam was stationed.

"Yea, and South Korea."

"And your last bucket list thing?"

"I don't know." Sam racked her brain. Then she laughed to herself. "It'd be cool to live on a house boat. Buying a house boat can be my last thing."

"That'd be so cool!" Kara exclaimed.

"National City actually has a house boat portion of the harbor. We could go check them out sometime if you really wanted." Alex suggested.

Sam shrugged it off. "Maybe."

"Your turn, Alex!"

"Right. So, my three are surf in Bali, see the Northern Lights, and, uh…I guess go on a vacation with Maggie."

"A vacation with your girlfriend?" Sam asked. "That feels like cheating somehow."

"I think you are forgetting that both of us work almost constantly. The probability of it happening is pretty low."

"Touche. Alright, next question."

The question was if there was a movie made based on your life, who'd play you? Kara picked Melissa Benoist. Alex was Chyler Leigh. Sam had no idea and Kara, very emphatically, said she was Emily Blunt but only as Rita in _Edge of Tomorrow_. That was one of Sam's favorite movies so she didn't fight the choice too much.

Next was the typical if you won the lottery, what is the first thing you would do? Kara said she would pay off her student loans. Alex didn't have the same problem thanks to the DEO. She answered that she'd make a donation into National City's schools to help their STEM programs, buy herself an actual car, then save the rest. Sam also didn't have student loans. It was easy since she didn't go to college. She answered, jokingly and easily, that she'd buy that house boat.

"Okay, number four is…" Kara laughed a little. "What superpower do you wish you had?"

Sam rolled her eyes. Of course this had come up. If the giggling was anything to go by, Kara was killing herself by asking it.

"You're ridiculous." Alex said. "I'd want to have super healing. I'm competent enough without powers that I think that's all I'd really need."

"How humble of you." Sam quipped. "I think it'd be cool to control the elements."

"Like the avatar?"

"Hell yea."

Kara and Sam had watched _Avatar: The Last Airbender_ together for a while. Sam was young enough to still be into cartoons if they were cool enough and Kara has always been down for whatever. Sam was pretty sure she still watched cartoons as a 25-year-old woman.

"I'd wanna be like Supergirl." Kara smiled smug. Noonan's was getting busier and their table wasn't as secluded as it was earlier. "She's pretty cool, basically indestructible."

"Basically." Alex repeated.

Their conversation about if any of them had ever had a reoccurring dream was interesting. Kara had. Not surprisingly, it was about leaving Krypton. It wasn't based off what happened. It was different but it bothered her. Every now and then, Kara would still have that dream. Alex didn't dream much according to her. Sam's was about aliens invading. The bright white light of their ships lit there house up enough for a young Sam to make her way outside. Nothing ever happened. She always woke up once she was outside and looking toward the light. She hadn't had that dream since before she left for Howe. They all skipped over it without saying what it was obviously in reaction to.

Kara struggled answering what food she couldn't live without. After an internal struggle, she decided on pot stickers. Alex said pizza. Sam had to go with french fries. She'd eat them for every meal by themselves if she could.

Alex and Kara answered what their biggest successes were easily. Becoming a reporter at CatCo for Kara and pulling herself out of the hell of her early college years for Alex. Sam's was easy too. It felt embarrassing though.

"Well…?" Kara asked, getting impatient.

"I don't really wanna answer this one. Mine is kind of lame."

"That's okay! It doesn't matter what it is if you're proud of it."

Alex didn't say anything. She just looked at Sam like she knew the answer already. She probably did. It was obvious, really, if Kara would actually think about it.

"Joining the DEO." Sam said quickly.

"Aw!" Kara cooed. Sam glared at her. She shut up quickly. "Sorry. I didn't mean that to sound as patronizing as it did! I'm sorry. I just...that's basically what Alex's is too!"

"Whatever." Sam looked away from the table. She was feeling uncomfortable. "What's the next question?"

Dream car? Kara wanted a Range Rover. Alex went a little more upscale with an Aston Martin DB11. Sam's wasn't anywhere near those in terms of luxury. At least not in her mind. She just wanted a Jeep Wrangler. Murdered out and lifted.

Dream Vacation? Kara didn't really have a destination in mind since she could go anywhere. It was more of a situation. All her friends together for at least a couple days of no work or responsibility. They all knew it was more or less a pipe dream with what they do. Alex's was, as was in her bucket list answer, Bali. Sam thought that Italy would be cool but she could go anywhere. She loved so many different things that different countries offered. She barely cared about where as long as she could go.

Dream job? They were all more or less doing them. Which sounded dumb to all of them. It was ridiculous to think that they were already as high as they could climb in their careers. Kara admitted that she thought it would be cool to be an editor, like Snapper. Alex hoped to take over as director of the DEO when or if J'onn ever retired. Sam had no plans. She was happy to be where she was. It was a _relief_. She'd think about the future once she soaked up the present a little more.

If you could move anywhere in the world, where would you move? Kara said she was perfectly happy in National City. Again, because she could be anywhere in the world in a matter of minutes, she didn't really have an answer. Alex said she needed to be near a beach. It literally didn't matter as long as she was within an hour to a beach. It was funny how adamant she was about it. Sam kind of forgot how much her sister liked to surf. Sam didn't care where she lived. She could make anywhere work for her. None of their answers were very good for that question.

One strange habit. Kara didn't get to answer for herself. Both Alex and Sam bulldozed her answer and provided her habit of fidgeting with her glasses when she was nervous. Especially since she didn't even really need her glasses. Kara countered that she had still been wearing them for the majority of thirteen years. Alex wasn't even sure what hers was. Kara provided her with the explanation that Alex tugs on her ear when she's working and gets stuck on something. Sam's was also provided for her, from Kara. Beside the nervous tapping, apparently Sam runs her hand through her hair constantly. Even when it's up, which it usually is. Sam never noticed. It seemed like Kara noticed absolutely everything.

Most embarrassing moment had Kara rambling on from the time their food arrived until they were almost finished eating. She couldn't decide while Alex decided she didn't have to after those stories. Alex had called a new agent by the wrong name for a month before someone corrected her. Sam walked into a wall once when based in South Korea because she wasn't paying attention during her official tour of the base.

What moment from the past would you happily relive was easy for both Kara and Alex. Kara's was when she graduated from college and almost instantly started working for Ms. Grant. It had all happened within 24hrs and put her on the path to where she's at. Alex said the night that she started dating Maggie. Sam mimed gagging at that. If anything, just to give herself more time to think. She finally settled on the one Sharks game she actually remembered going to with their dad.

"That was a really good day, Sam." Kara said, remembering it. "That was my first football game."

"Right after you got used to your glasses too. Thank god or else you would have been a mess." Alex replied.

"That would have been absolutely terrible." Kara agreed. "Alright, number fifteen. Oh. It's kind of a weird one. We can skip it."

"What is it?"

"What's your best romantic memory with your significant other?"

"Please skip it. I'm not dating and I don't want to hear about whatever Alex and Maggie get up to. I've been scarred enough."

Alex riled up to that. "Okay, that _one_ time was Maggie's fault and only because she wanted to mess with you!"

"Tell me, tell me!"

"No! Nothing actually happened!" Alex was getting red. Sam laughed and told Kara.

"I was out shopping, back when I was working for CatCo, and Alex and I just talked on the phone about them…doing stuff and me not being around for it. When I got home they were making out on the couch. Nothing really happened I guess but it was still scarring."

"For you and me both. Don't worry." Alex grumbled.

"That wasn't even good! I never get any details."

"Why do you want them?" Sam asked. That was the last thing she would want. There was no need to know anything about that part of Alex's life so long as she was happy.

"Because then I can tease her more!"

"What's the next question?" Alex demanded, having enough of their line of conversation.

"First kiss."

"Oh ew." Alex reacted. "It was in eighth grade at the varsity football game with Seth Boyd."

"Looking back and knowing you like girls, does it change anything?"

"It makes me laugh." Alex smiled as she admitted it. "Because I didn't enjoy it and honestly had no idea why all my friends made such a big deal out of kissing. I get it now. Both why I didn't get it and the big deal about kissing."

"Mine was…" Kara trailed off as she thought. Sam remembered it. Alex had been away at school and not there to celebrate or whatever about it so Kara had settled to drag Sam through it with her.

"You really can't remember?" Sam said. Kara's wait was getting much too long for a first kiss. "It was Trent Gutierrez, your…uh, must have been junior year because it was my freshman year."

"I knew you remembered!"

"You're kidding, right? Please tell me you didn't pretend to forget your first kiss just to see if I remembered." Kara flashed her teeth. Sam rolled her eyes. "Of course, I remember. You talked my ear off about it from the time we got on the bus until Mom got home from work. It's ingrained in me."

"That's true. He kissed me in between English and Social Studies because we didn't have Social Studies together and we had been dating for a week so it was obviously the end of the world to be separated for 50 minutes."

"High school relationships are so gross." Alex cringed.

"Says the woman as giddy as a teenager about her relationship."

Alex didn't answer Kara's jab. Instead she turned to Sam. "What's yours?"

Sam never shared this stuff. Not with her sisters, definitely not with her mother. She never had friends she felt were close enough to be comfortable sharing these things with. It felt against her nature to admit it's happened much less tell the story.

Not to mention, Sam liked to keep most of her life private as a rule. Not because she didn't have anyone to talk to about it. The less people knew the less disappointed they could be and the less likely they were to bring up something Sam didn't want to talk about. If she broke up with someone, she didn't have to worry about someone else asking how her ex was because they didn't know about the break up. It was like self-preservation.

"Gabe Moreau, eighth grade because someone dared me that I wouldn't."

"That is the most Sam first kiss scenario I could ever think of." Kara sat stumped. It made Sam laugh. In terms of first kiss stories, that was the lest intrusive she could have lucked out with.

"That was really your first kiss? Come on. There's gotta be one that actually meant something." Alex complained.

There was but Sam didn't feel like telling them about it. Gabe was her first kiss. That was the question. There weren't any qualifiers.

After a little more fuss, they moved on. A definite skip question was what was your secret fantasy? They replaced it with least favorite food. Kara's was brussel sprouts. Alex hated cottage cheese. Sam couldn't even stand the smell of salmon.

If your life was a book, what would the title be? They had fun with this one. Kara joked with several and ended up with _The Life and Times of Cat Grant: A Kara Danvers Biography._ Alex, who was surprisingly well read in Sam's opinion, chose _The Princess_ in reference to Machiavelli's _The Prince_. Sam went with _Dummies Guide to Fucking It All Up._ Kara leveled her with a disapproving look as Alex began throwing out other options. Her older sisters felt that _Dummies Guide to Rebuilding_ was much better.

"What would you name your first kid?"

The question sat in the middle of the table untouched. Sam had no desire to go first and Alex was thinking hard. Kara seemed ready to burst with her answer but wanted to give someone else a chance to go first.

"I've never really thought about it." Alex commented, still thinking.

"Yes, you have." Kara replied.

"No. I really haven't. I was never interested in kids and then I've been so busy that I haven't given any thought to it now that I'm older."

"Do you want them?" Sam asked. She thought Alex would be a good mom. Her problems with Alex were sisterly. They had nothing to do with her ability to be a mother. Alex was strong, dependable, encouraging more than anything else. Intense, yea, but that could be good. Especially if it was Maggie she raised kids with. They'd balance each other out enough not to cause any real damage.

"Maybe if I wasn't DEO. It's too dangerous."

"Well, what would you name them if you wanted kids?"

Kara gave her answer then. She seemed to sense that Alex needed the time to give it real thought. "I'd name my girl after my mom, Alura and then we could call her Ally. And if I had a boy, well, I would talk to you guys of course but I was thinking something with Jerimiah, like as a middle name of course. I haven't thought of a first name yet. I like Oliver."

"I like Logan and Grace." Sam said simply.

She had given it a little thought. Names were easy to remember and it was always interesting who had what name. Sam liked how sometimes they fit people and sometimes they didn't. It wasn't so much that she had thought about kids. In truth, the thought scared the shit out of her. Those were lives she would be responsible for. No thank you. Not now. Maybe never.

"John and Ava." Alex finally decided. The first name caught Kara's attention.

"John? Like J'onn?"

"Yea and then he can have Jerimiah as a middle name too and we could just call him JJ so it wouldn't be confusing." Alex smiled a little. "And I just like Ava."

"I like it too." Sam agreed.

Ruby, the waitress, came around to drop their check off and ask after refills. Alex took another cup of coffee and Kara asked for a water while Sam agreed to the refill. They had been there for a long time now. Almost two hours. The questions had been working just as well as Kara hoped. It kept them talking about more than just work or bad guys. Sam had to admit it was nice.

The next question had Sam swerving away from nice as her description of the day. What are the three happiest moments of your life? It wasn't that easy. Sure, she had happy moments. They weren't your run of the mill happy moments though.

Kara's first was when Ms. Grant sat her down and told her she could have any job she wanted. The second was being able to be Supergirl. The third, and she said it was her happiest, was her first Earth birthday with the Danvers.

Alex's first was when she was done with training and school and was finally a DEO field supervisor, having skipped the ground level agent role. Her second was when their dad took her out to buy her first surfboard. Her third was, again, when Maggie and her started dating.

Sam's were simple and, after listening to her sister's, maybe they weren't that different. They were all just so long ago. Her first was graduating with honors from Howe. She hadn't thought much of herself academically before the standard had been raised to Howe standards and she did well. Her second was when Alex took her for ice cream after trying to teach her how to surf. Her third, and happiest, was only a vague recollection. She didn't have specifics and just barely could she remember it. Sam must have been six, maybe seven. All the Danvers, including the newly adopted Kara, went to the zoo to celebrate. They had a picnic, got ice cream. Sam didn't remember much except being really happy to be there with her family.

"Dad had to put you on his shoulders." Alex smiled softly at Sam, who had been telling the last memory to her place mat. "You kept running off to point things out to Kara but it was really busy and Mom thought you were going to get lost in all the people."

"I remember that! I had no idea what a hippo was until you showed me."

"They were my favorite." Sam quipped, hiding how much it hurt that she didn't remember her dad doing that or even telling Kara about her favorite animal. "Cute and deadly."

"Hippos are _not_ cute." Alex threw out. She looked at Sam like she was crazy.

"The baby ones are!"

"Okay, before you guys throw down over whether or not hippos are cute, the babies totally are by the way, the next question is what's your biggest regret?"

That was flat out heavier than any of the others. The only reason some of the other questions even got heavy was because their answers had to do with their fucked up past. This one though…

"Easy." Alex started. The first question she pounced on to answer first, and that's exactly how she did it too. Barely had the question left Kara's mouth before Alex was answering. "When I stopped trying so hard with you." She looked at Sam. "That started a lot of problems for us."

Sam nodded. "I regret being such a pain for so long. To everyone. Shit. You wanna talk about starting a lot of problems? I think I take the cake on that one."

It was easier for Sam to deal with her past mistakes with jokes. She knew it was nothing to laugh over. But if not laughter, she just got angry.

Before either of them could refute her statement. Sam motioned to Kara. "Yours?"

Once again, it was like Kara could sense what they needed. Sam was sure she had some regret that had to do with the three of them. It wasn't what Kara went with. She gave a subject change that defused the tension that was building.

"I regret not becoming Supergirl sooner. I could have helped a lot more people."

"I think it was perfect timing. If you did it sooner, you wouldn't have had Winn or support from the DEO. Both of those were because the relationship between you and them were strong enough. Well, Alex's relationship with the DEO. Not yours."

"Good point."

The next question was easy. Which Disney villain would you be? Kara picked Yzma. First she tried to pick Kronk because he was kind of a good bad guy but both Alex and Sam said he didn't count. Alex picked Maleficent. Sam picked Hades.

Describe yourself in three words was probably their most heated topic. They all vetoed each other's descriptors. Mostly Alex and Kara. Sam was content to let them pick whatever. That contentment wasn't returned to her. Kara ended up with enthusiastic, driven, and compassionate. Alex got loyal, strong, and caring. Sam's were interesting. She wasn't sure how she got them. They were stubborn, the only one she actually contributed to, brave, and sincere.

"Sincere?"

"Yea."

Sam wasn't even sure she knew what she was trying to ask. Stubborn was obvious. Everyone in the world knew Sam was stubborn. She was pretty sure brave was just a nicer way to say reckless but whatever, she'd take it. But sincere?

"You have never said or done anything that you haven't meant, Sam. It might not have always been positive but it was always real." Alex supplied in the wake of Kara's succinct answer.

Next: if you were stranded on a desert island, what three items would you take with you? Kara picked all comfort items: a bed, solar air conditioner, a big tent. Alex and Sam, the two without super powers to 1. Escape or 2. Get food, picked the more normal items. Alex picked a combo shovel, tarp for shelter, a canteen. Sam's was almost identical, showing just how practically military Alex's training had been. It made Sam wonder how much harder it would've been for her if she hadn't been active military just a few short months ago. Sam picked the same combo shovel, tarp, and then veered from Alex and picked a small pot. Can't drink the water unless it's clean and water needed to be boiled to be ensured clean.

"It's been three hours. I've enjoyed this, honestly I can say that but are we done yet?" Sam asked. They'd been there forever. She had other things to do with her day. And she was hitting her limit. That tightness in her chest was slowly coming back. She wanted to be gone before she did something stupid again.

"We're on the last one."

"Thank god." Alex mumbled under her breath. Kara glared at her. "What? Like Sam said, it's been three hours. It's my day off and I love you both but I could be at home right now, getting things done and then relaxing."

Kara pouted. "Can't we at least finish this one?"

"Yea, okay. We can do one more but that's it!"

"Yay! Alright, last one! If you could spend one day in someone's shoes, who would it be and why?"

"Oh, come on, Kara. That's two!"

"Noooo. It's one question with two parts. There's a difference."

Sam chuckled to herself and finished her water. Because why wouldn't Kara pick 'one question with two parts' as her one more question. Alex looked so irked about it too.

"Fine. If I could spend a day as someone else, I'd pick…

"The president!" Kara excitedly cut off Alex. It seemed as though she was taking too long to answer. "So easy. I would want to be President Olivia Marsdin because she is…she is just an inspiration to all women in the world. I mean, she is hands down the best president we've had since I've been here. Her foreign policy is a work of art and the programs she has in place to help veterans and the civil rights movements, especially for women's rights, are spectacular."

"Woah." Sam breathed out. She knew Kara had liked the president, had voted for her, but she had no idea it was this level of hero-worship.

"Guarantee she's been thinking about this question since she found it." Alex said to Sam as Kara continued her praise of President Marsdin. "Um, Kara? I'd like to answer if you could curb your enthusiasm."

"Right! Sorry! She's just so great."

"We know. Well, I'd pick and this is going to sound weird so just hear me out, I'd pick M'gann. I really respect the way she went against the White Martians. I wonder how hard that was for her and if she felt that way the whole time then something made her act. I don't know."

"Who would you pick, Sam?"

"Cat Grant."

Her answer was easily given. The looks on her sisters' faces made her laugh. It wasn't what they were expecting. No one would expect that from Sam.

"She's the queen of media. There's gotta be some pretty cool perks that come with that title and, not to mention, kinda like Kara's obsession with the president, Cat has her hand in a lot of different social organizations that are working to better our world. She's kind of a badass."

"I am not disagreeing with you. I _love_ Ms. Grant. She's one of the most influential people in the world and I miss her every day. I just really wasn't ready for you to pick her. Wow."

Alex teased her a little bit about it. Sam didn't mind. She'd stand by that decision. It would be interesting to see what it was like to be, arguably, the most powerful woman in the world. Powerful enough that she can walk away from her company with minimal consequences. Cat Grant was so different than Sam too. It'd be a whole new world.

The three girls didn't linger much longer. They had taken over that table at the back of Noonan's long enough. Each went their own way after a quick goodbye. Each to their respective apartments. Sam had to report into work later that afternoon. On her walk to the NC rail, she wondered how it would be different now that she was official. A smile lit up her face with the thought. Today had been a good day. Hopefully, the night would follow suit.


	79. Chapter 79

**A/N: I AM SO SORRY. I did not mean to disappear. School started and then the days just started getting away from me! That said, until I hit my stride with teaching, I'll be posting sporadically. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Thanks for your patience and for continuing to read and for all the love you guys have given this story. I have a good chunk of next chapter written (this was part of that but I wanted to post in case I didn't get another chance to write). I'll get that up this weekend hopefully.**

 **A/N: We're finally at 'Homecoming'! Woo! The episode that started this whole journey. We'll get more scenes from the show as we move forward which means it may take me a little longer to write since I have to get dialogue and then incorporate Sam into it. Just a bit more legwork but it's all good.**

It felt like the best day of the year. Or at the very least the month. A gift from the gods that was given to Sam wrapped in gold wrapping paper with a large bow on top. Or something along those lines. It was her first day off in ten days.

No work. No co-workers. No sisters. No one. Sam mentally needed the social break almost as much as her body needed the physical one.

Alex had always been clear from the moment Sam started the DEO recruiting process that their hours were hectic at best. The department adhered by Murphy's Law. It had seemed hyperbolic but now it was clearly a generous description. 'Anything that can go wrong will go wrong' was the DEO's unofficial slogan.

Not that she was complaining…too much. Being a DEO agent was everything Sam hoped it would be. She loved it even more now that she was no longer under Alex's wing; still under her command but not under her thumb. Sam was helping and eager to do so.

It's just…well, ten days straight of work was not ideal. Nor was being on call even when she clocked out each night. Petty extra-normal crime had been high. But it provided chance after chance for Sam to prove herself. She thought she had been doing that and more which only helped keep her work drive high. There was no doubt in her mind that she was working off all the doubt the DEO may have had from her past. It was a content exhausted that settled with her as she clocked out the night before her day off. It was earned and it was satisfying.

It ended up being about a fourth of a day off which was going to have to be enough. Sam rolled her eyes as her phone went off. The cosmic ringtone she had chosen for work was sounding across the room, from her bed where she had tossed her phone when she got home from her run. It was dulled by the blankets but Sam had developed an ear for it.

Her eye caught the white 'WORK' letters for just a second before Sam hit answer and pulled it up to her ear.

"Danvers."

 _"Sam, hey. It's me."_ Kara. It was weird that she was calling from a DEO number. She never did. Even suited up, Kara kept her phone on her or she just made a fly by to talk. Perks of getting anywhere in the city in a matter of a few minutes.

Sam didn't like her tone. It was cautious but barely held in check. Like Kara was trying to keep herself together. Sam couldn't hear anything wrong though. Not exactly. She responded cautiously. "Hey."

 _"Listen. You should probably come down here. I know it's your day off but…we found him, Sam! Jeremiah. Dad. And, you should be here. With us._ All _of us."_

The excitement in Kara's voice was breaking free. No longer could she contain it; she probably only was because she was suited up in the DEO. Sam assumed.

It was different than her normal giddy though, that child-like excitement over anything was missing. This was weighted and relieved. It settled over the room like a thick blanket. Warm and comforting. Or at least, it should have been.

Instead of sharing Kara's excitement, a nervous shard of ice grew up from Sam's stomach and into her chest, making its way for her throat. She swallowed once. The nothing too thick to go down past the ice. Words wouldn't come to her. No idea what to say or why she felt the ice. Some kind of fear, a strand of it, was vaguely familiar in the ice. That warm and comforting blanket was smothering and overwhelming. An uncomfortable juxtaposition against the cold she felt.

 _"Sam?"_

"Yea."

 _"Did you hear me?"_

"Yea." Sam nodded. She forced herself to blink.

 _"Okay, well…are you going to come?"_ Kara was getting worried. Her voice lost the edges of delight. She sounded confused. Like how could Sam not be on her way already?

"No." Sam answered then shook herself. The speed of her answer was instinct. Preservation in keeping her feelings under control. She corrected by elaborating. "I mean not right away. I'll, uh, be there soon or whatever. I just have to, uh, do some stuff. Ya know, I have…stuff. To do."

Her finish was lacking and the pause over the line proved she wasn't the only one who knew it. The silence lasted just long enough for Kara to judge Sam's words and her tone, make assumptions and begin to worry.

It was still difficult for Sam to handle. There had only been time for one other breakfast before this news was shoved onto her. The idea of Kara freely knowing her and caring about her and being there for her was foreign. Nice but foreign.

Sam's own knowledge of her sisters was new. She knew exactly what the pause in their conversation meant for Kara. The question that was going to come next and why it was going to be asked. They had fallen into line with each other quickly, nicely. It was a detached acknowledgement of the oddness of it that always tugged at Sam's attention.

 _"Are you okay?"_

"Fine."

 _"You're sure?"_

"Kara, I said I'm fine." Sam didn't snap at her. That pill of caring sisters was gladly taken but still hard at times and she made herself gauge her reactions better. If her world hadn't just been turned on its head, she'd be impressed with herself in the moment. "It's just that, uh…I think I should wait, ya know? I'm sure everyone is all over him. With like, tests and…other stuff. I don't want to overwhelm him or anything."

 _"He's your dad, Sam. You couldn't overwhelm him even if you tried."_

"Yea, but. Still. I'm just gonna wait a bit."

 _"Okay."_ Kara let it go. That trust that Sam knew what she was doing was palpable. And new as hell. _"Don't wait too long. He's been asking for you."_

"Okay. Not too long…got it. Bye."

Sam hung up the phone without waiting for Kara's goodbye. She collapsed on the edge of her bed. Her arms laid limply over her knees. She stared at her hands, through them to the floor. Her eyebrows unconsciously raised. Breath held.

She took one deep breath. Then another.

Her mind was blank and full and too slow and too fast. There were no real thoughts to grab onto. Just…feelings, vague ones, or the framing of thoughts. Blurry images. More than anything she felt nervous and scared.

He asked for her? That should've been great. A balm to her usual inadequacy but instead it only made her more anxious. Worse than that, Sam was sure Kara knew she was nervous. It had been clear in her sister's words and tone. That was the last thing Sam needed.

What if…Sam cut that line of questioning off quickly. Instead of freaking herself out more, Sam set to her post-run task. Lunch. Shower. Tidy her apartment. There would be time to deal with this later. To deal with her _dad_. To deal with his _return_.

That realization warmed the ice she still felt. Despite how nervous she was, their dad was back. He was alive. She had no idea if he was well but Sam knew that he was in the city and that he was with her sisters and that he was back. The one thing she never really thought would happen, happened. It didn't matter how else she felt, there was good mixed in too. Even if she could barely acknowledge it with everything else. It was enough.


	80. Chapter 80

**-Where are you? (A)**

It was a solid fifteen minutes after Kara had called. Sam wasn't sure how to respond to Alex. No doubt she was angry that Sam hadn't shown up yet. There wasn't really any way to defuse the anger either. There was what Alex thought should be happening and there was how Sam felt. It was clear those weren't matching up.

Sam distracted herself with wondering if what Alex thought should happen and what Alex was feeling matched up. She wondered if Alex even knew the difference after so long of hoping and longing that their dad would come back to them.

 **-I'll be there soon (S)**

 **-You should be here now. Kara said she told you. He wants to see you. What's taking you so long? (A)**

 **-You know what? Nvm. We're having a family dinner to celebrate at Kara's tonight. Just come then if you need time. (A)**

 **-Mom's here. (A)**

Sam let the messages sit. It seemed like Alex was going to let her process in her own time, despite however her sister imagined the reunion. More importantly, despite whatever annoyance her sister had at the lack of full family reunion. It was a testament to how far they've come in their relationship. That, in and of itself, was a relief. A small and short lived, barely felt relief.

It wasn't that Sam didn't want to see her dad. She did. A _lot_. But each time she thought about actually seeing him she froze. She realized that she didn't know this man. Not really.

Then there was her. She wasn't seven anymore. What if he didn't like who she was now? What if he expected more? What if he remembered as much about her as she did about him? In other words: almost nothing.

That realization alone kept her away. Sam was grappling with the fact that she didn't know her father. The man whose disappearance threw her into a downward spiral of self-destruction was basically no one to her.

So, Sam did take the time Alex gave her. She did everything to distract herself. Except drink. Sam wanted. Oh god and Rao, did she want to.

It was like her dad being back sent her back to seven though. Drinking wasn't even a real option. Showing up drunk felt like it would be the worst thing Sam could do. Showing up and even having any alcohol in her system was beyond being in the question. They would somehow know. And judge her. Everything about Sam's life was suddenly in question and all of it was coming up short. There was no need to make things worse. Or would it even matter? Typically, Sam just made it worse anyways.

She was scared. She didn't do scared. Didn't know _how_ to handle scared in this way.

She was paralyzed. Her chest felt tight and her hands were jumpy. That ice shard in her stomach and throat were choking her. The walls were closing in. She didn't want to make it worse. She didn't know what else to do.

Sam barely stuck around long enough to change. Another workout in addition to her morning run: a heavy bag session and heavy lift. The most aggressive exercises she could think of but still, it offered minor relief. Her muscles screamed at her as she peeled her sweat-drenched clothes off. Her hands ached and her knuckles were an angry red despite the light gloves she had put on.

It wasn't enough though. In terms of wasted time and lasting distraction. So, she threw herself into her latest read: _Criminology and Social Theory_ by David Garland.

People could say what they wanted about Sam but she liked to be educated about what she was invested in. Unfortunately, it was a slow read that day. Her mind was wondering and her focus was lackluster. It would be surprising if she retained anything.

As 4:30pm and then five rolled around, Sam realized she had no idea when family dinner was supposed to be. Alex never told her. So, with much apprehension, she texted to ask.

 **-What time should I be at Kara's? (S)**

 **-We told everyone 6 but you could come earlier. We're all here now. (A)**

Sam wanted to say yes. Her thumbs were itching to tell Alex she would be right there. It didn't happen though. The thought of seeing her dad was still overwhelming. Too much. Too heavy. It was drowning Sam. She was excited. She was scared. She was elated. She was nervous. She was relieved. She was inadequate.

There were so many other things she was feeling. Overwhelmingly, Sam was unsure. So much of what was going to happen was unknown. Even when she tried to just look at her dad's path to a normal life, it wasn't clear. Not that Sam could compartmentalize like that. That was most likely the problem. All she could think about was how her father was going to react to _her_.

 **-I'll be there at 6 (S)**

Or after six. 6:15 to be precise.

Sam stood in front of Kara's door. She couldn't bring herself to knock. She had watched Mon-El jog up the stairs of Kara's apartment building a solid ten minutes ago. She had followed him but now stood there, stuck.

Finally, she raised her fist and knocked. It seemed that Sam's bravery wasn't to be rewarded. Her mom answered.

Sam peered around her to see Alex, Maggie, Kara, and Mon-El all looking toward her from the living room. She spared a half glance at her dad by Kara's island before focusing on her mom.

"Hi honey." Her mom smiled. It was soft and a little uncomfortable but happy all the same.

"Hi."

"Come in, Samantha. We were waiting on you to get the party started." Despite being formal, like her mom almost always was, it was still kind. Their previous argument seemingly forgotten. Sam could appreciate that. Priorities. An old fight wasn't one of them at the moment.

Sam stepped into the space her mom motioned her into, then she stood bashfully and awkwardly and unsure. After locking eyes with Alex and seeing something less than happy and then with Maggie who gave a small nod, Sam dropped her eyes to the floor. There was no pretending to be an unfeeling asshole. There was no precedent for this.

All eyes were on here. Her mom, Alex, Maggie, Kara, Mon-El. Her dad. Everyone. The glass to stone clink brought Sam's eyes up. They flitted around the room. They wouldn't hold to her dad, who Sam knew she should be focused on. It was like trying to look at the sun though. Too long was too much.

"Sammy." Her dad breathed. Her brows curved up. A sudden rush of inadequacy rushed through her. Stronger than it had been all day. Sam still looked at him in spurts. At her dad then down. At her dad then Alex. At her dad then Kara's fridge.

No words would pull themselves from her throat. She cleared it in an attempt to vocalize _something_. She sucked air in next. The combination seemed enough.

"Hey Dad…"

It was quiet. Only audible because of the silence in the room. No one moved. It barely seemed like anyone was breathing.

Once her eyes made solid contact, they couldn't fall away. Sam drank in her dad. Her vision of him filled out. The blurry parts solidified.

He crossed the room quickly and snatched her into a hug. It was tight and strong, longer than anything Sam had ever let go on. It pulled a choked laugh from her throat. She ignored how watery it was. Immediately, but still awkwardly, her hands came up to wrap around him. _Her dad._ Solid and real and there. He was there.

Her mind lingered around him not looking the same. At least Sam didn't think so. She couldn't put her finger on it but something seemed…different. Still, she smiled and clung to him. Blurry memories aside, this was her dad and he was back. They were a family again. Maybe still cracked but at least whole.

"Oh my god. Sammy." He pulled away, keeping his hands on her shoulders. One gripping and one just resting. There was no escaping and for once, Sam didn't care about the physical contact. It felt right and good and real. "You're all grown up."

He laughed and Sam smiled. A jerky nod happening without her making the decision to do so. "Yea." She breathed out, laughing a little. "A little older than you remember, I guess."

"A little?" Her dad laughed, real and loud. "Last time I saw you, you weren't even double digits. A little older doesn't even seem to cover it!"

Sam crushed her teeth together to keep it together. It felt unreal to have her hands gripping his arms. It was probably too tight but he didn't say anything. She looked at him. Into his dark brown eyes. Mapping the way they crinkled, the flecks of gold in his eyes, the lights that reflected. Sam took everything in. It was surreal. Not possible. It almost felt wrong. Her heart collapsed. Too much all at once.

"Sammy. Sam," he corrected himself without needing to, "the last time I saw you, you were this big." He held his hand a little above his waist. She shrugged, forcing her hands to fall away from him as she started to shrug and motion and move away from him. Distance. Distance was what she needed.

"Well, I was like seven so…"

Awkward moved in then. Sam had no real way to navigate it. If she had been socially-apt and confident and ready, it would still be difficult. As it was, Sam was none of those things. Thankfully, Alex swooped in.

"Those margaritas ready yet?"

"Oh, right! Right. Almost ready!" Her dad answered. Sam noticed how he kept his right side stiff, his arm close to his body. Interesting and confusing but not anything pressing at the moment. "Sammy, go and join your sisters." He paused and turned back to her, "Are you expecting anyone?"

Sam rose an eyebrow at him, then turned it to Alex and Kara. Who the hell would she be expecting? Then, while looking to her sisters, she noticed that Maggie and Mon-El were there. She forced the heat threatening not to rise as she answered. Only the newest category in which Sam felt inferior. "Uh, no. No one else is coming. Just me."

"Okay then, go on in. Drinks will be up in a minute."

Sam sent a prayer up to Rao and any other god that those drinks would be strong. Alex touched her arm briefly when Sam got to them before she took her seat on the couch.

"Hey Sam." Maggie greeted with a smile. Sam returned the smile but not the greeting.

"What took you so long? Mon-El asked, taking his own seat. "Ow!"

Kara glared at him after smacking him. He shrugged and Sam fumbled. Alex glared at him too but seemed just as interested in her answer. "I had, uh…some stuff to do. I wanted to be here sooner."

"I didn't mean anything by it!" Mon-El defended. "I was just curious!" He looked from Kara to Sam. "I'm sorry if that was rude. I just wanted to know."

"Don't worry about it." Sam deflected. Mon-El was the least of her worries. The hyper-sensitivity to the man in Kara's kitchen was too pressing to pay Mon-El's comment any mind. Regardless of how…good? it felt to have him back, something felt wrong. Sam chalked it up to yet another defect in her emotions.

Sam smiled and forced a chuckle as her sisters laughed. Her eyes darted back and forth from the kitchen. Her mom was focused on the drinks but her dad was watching them. A content smile on his face. It was almost sad. That made sense though. It must be even harder for him to come back into their lives after missing so much.


	81. Chapter 81

**A/N: This is short b/c I wanted it to be in Jeremiah's perspective which doesn't go on for long. You guys have been so patient I thought why not have two in one day. But now just look forward to next weekend! Only a four day week so it'll be here fast and I can get some writing in. Thanks for reading and sorry for all the cliffhangers!**

"Look at them. Our girls." Jeremiah enjoyed the heavy warmth in his chest. He stepped to the side to let Eliza take over with cutting the limes. "14 years with Cadmus and this is all I ever thought about. Right here. And my god, Lizzie, Sam. She's…"

"Grown up? They all are."

He tried to ignore whatever hint there was in Eliza's voice. Jeremiah knew this would be tough for all of them. Each member of his family had gone through hell. All on their own. All because of him. It wasn't over yet either. This wasn't going to be easy. None of them knew each other anymore.

"Yea but I could see a little bit of who Alex and Kara were going to become. Sam was practically a baby when I left and now, I mean she's taller than Alex! I never thought she would be taller than Alex. I missed so much."

"You did."

"And I can't get it back. I'm sorry, Lizzie. I'm sorry I wasn't here to help you and I'm sorry I wasn't here for you. I wanted to be and I was always trying to get back here. That was what I worked for day in and day out." He looked back out at his daughters. "Thank you, Lizzie. And again, I'm _so_ sorry I wasn't here. It's going to be different now."

Different was an understatement. It felt wrong but he had to try for normal. That was the only way this was all going to work. How were they going to accept him back in the family if he acted like an outsider? He was still Jeremiah Danvers. Maybe not their Jeremiah anymore but as much as he could be.

"We can make up for lost time." He grimaced through a smile. Even with his optimism it sounded off.

"No." Eliza said, quietly. She put the knife down. "It's not possible. That time, it's gone."

"What do you mean?" He wasn't expecting this. Eliza was supposed to be as excited as Alex and Kara were to see him again. This…he didn't know how to handle this. Jeremiah felt his heart clench at what it might mean.

It was foolish not to expect it. Eliza had always led with her head. Alex and Kara were more like him, heart first and thought second. He briefly wondered which Sam was. He didn't remember.

"I mean that I _love_ you and I have missed you every day but I don't know you anymore and you don't know me."

Jeremiah looked down. His heart moving from clenched to breaking. Eliza sighed, still knowing him and the look on his face despite what she just said.

"I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. But this is going to have to be something new. I think we're just going to have to learn each other again."

Jeremiah looked up. To see his wife, the love of his life, cracking under all of the feelings she always hated. Her voice shook only enough for him to hear it. Because he knew the subtle shake of it. "Do you think we can do that?"

"Let's just…start with dinner. Okay?" He forced a smile. He should've known it wouldn't be this easy to step back into his role in the family. Good intentions were never enough when put up against reality.

Jeremiah looked back out at his daughters. Despite the sadness, he couldn't help but smile. They were right _there_. A few feet away from him. This was more than enough.

"What are they like?"

He asked because he needed to know. Maybe he'd find out on his own but he wanted to know now. Just a little bit. Enough to get him through until he could do it himself.

"Go out there and find out. You're home, you can do that now."

Eliza was focused on cutting another lime. Jeremiah admired her. Her blonde hair and suntanned skin. She was older, so was he, but she was exactly the same. No beating around the bush. No maneuvering in a conversation. Point A to point B and that was all.

"I will." He finally answered. "Just give me a crash course so I'm not going in blind. Don't throw me to the wolves like that, Lizzie."

He flashed a grin at her when she looked up. She smiled back with a suppressed chuckle. They're banter was the same. It was nice.

"They're strong. All three of them." Eliza looked out at them too. "Alex is exactly what you would've wanted her to be. Fiercely protective, loyal, and giving. She works hard and she's _smart_. She's so smart, Jeremiah. Maybe a little too much like me though."

He knew what she meant. Too willing to shut down her heart when it wasn't going to help her. He remembered that struggle for Alex. She felt like him but didn't want to like Eliza.

"Kara's adapted so well. Probably the best out of all three with everything that's happened. She's easygoing but absolute and committed in her ideals. I know that's probably from her real parents but I like to think we contributed at least a little to that."

It was amazing hearing it. He knew what his oldest girls did with their lives. He was the one who helped Kara and Mon-El escape Cadmus but hearing it from Lizzie made it more real. He shook his head, proud.

"DEO and Supergirl. It's just so…I'm proud of them. Our little girls are out there making the world a better place." Jeremiah looked back at Lizzie. Eager to hear more. "And our baby girl?"

Eliza got quiet. She set the knife down, finished with the lime, and fidgeted with the slices she cut. "Sam is…well, she…"

"Lizzie?"

"Sam and I have had quite a few rough patches. The girls dealt…much better than I did with your disappearance. Except for Sam." Lizzie took another breath, forcing a smile as she looked up at him again. "I think that's what caused it. We didn't know how to cope or deal with how we each were coping. You were always so much better with her anyways."

Eliza tried to deflect but Jeremiah knew it hurt her just as much as it was hurting him to hear. That was his fault. The fissure between his wife and his daughter. All him.

"That's not true. Sam loves you."

"She does." Lizzie nodded. "I'm not dramatic enough to think she doesn't. Don't worry. But, all three girls were always daddy's girls. I think the only one I had was Kara and she always did adore you."

Eliza smiled. Not bitter. She had never been a bitter woman, never would be. She was too logical for that.

"I think maybe Sam was more of your girl than Alex. But that's not the only reason she had such a hard time. I'm at fault just as much as anyone here, maybe more, but we can talk about this some other time. There's no need to drag down our first family dinner in so long."

"You're right but what's she like? She was seven when I left. Even from here I can see it. That's she's different, which she should be." Jeremiah put his hand over Eliza's and gave it a soft squeeze. "I'm not going to judge you for how things were when I was gone. That's not my place. I just want to know my girls a little bit."

"She's resilient. And Sam's strong and she's stubborn." Eliza started. Her voice was proud, despite whatever problems those two had. "She's like Kara in how she holds to her beliefs and she's like Alex in her determination but don't get me wrong, Sam is our most independent child. She's her own person, molded by her choices."

That pride was slowly dropping off. It was something more regretful as Eliza continued. Maybe a touch frustrated or exasperated.

"And, dear god is she difficult, Jeremiah. Prepare yourself for that. Unlike anyone you've ever dealt with. Alex will open up because it's you and Kara is open no matter what but Sam is our survivalist. She has walls and barriers and defenses."

Jeremiah smiled at her. "I'm ready for the challenge. Now what do you say we serve up these drinks?"

It was a hasty attempt to cover up his own longing for his family. Eliza's words were soothing but the fake kind of comfort that only hit the surface pain. She smiled and gave a nod.


	82. Chapter 82

**A/N: Sorry if some of this seems redundant! Thanks for reading!**

"Kids!" He called out. Sam popped up. Only too ready to be moving and doing something with her nervous energy. "Drinks are ready!"

"Sorry I'm late!" J'onn called out as he walked into Kara's apartment. Sam hadn't been aware that he was joining them. It only made sense after what he told her about his promise to their dad. She accepted a glass from her dad, returning his smile awkwardly.

He wiped his hands on a dishtowel on the counter then turned to J'onn. They all greeted him. Smiles and 'don't be silly's'. J'onn seemed much more at ease than Sam had ever seen him. She was happy for him. It was a good look for him. She was used to the stern looks and an authoritative tone of his voice.

"Oh, hey. I forgot something earlier." Her dad said, stopping J'onn with a hand on his shoulder. Then he reached out and hugged the human-disguised Martian. It was the most over-dramatic man-hug Sam had ever seen but it pulled a smile from her. "Thank you. You saved my life, again. Thank you for keeping your promise, to watch over my girls."

Sam looked away from the two men. Alex looked painfully happy and Kara looked excited. She still wasn't sure what she felt. Happy for sure but it was still tinged with something else. Vaguely, Sam was aware that she was uncomfortable but closer than that, she had no clue.

"It was an honor." J'onn replied.

"A toast." Kara expertly interrupted. Their mom handed J'onn a drink and then their dad. "To coming home."

Everyone echoed it in varying tones and volumes. Some, like Sam, only raising their glass. They all clinked glasses and drank. Smiles around as the glasses came down. It all felt theatric. Forced and too happy. Or that was just Sam feeling awkward.

"Now, obviously," their dad started, "this is going to be a…a time of adjustment." Sam didn't miss the weighted look he gave their mom. "But I'll hope you'll all be patient with me. I've seen and done things I, I wish I hadn't."

"Dad." Alex shook her head. "Don't…"

"No, sweetie. If I'm going to move forward, I can't ignore my past. Cadmus…" Sam watched her mom move a hand to his shoulder. Everyone was so invested. But, Sam felt detached. As happy as she had felt, there was still a sense of foreignness to the man speaking. "Changed me. They tried to break me but in the process, they made me dangerous. I know their weaknesses. And I'm here, to work with all of you to make our planet safer."

Sam noticed Mon-El take a drink. That specific, uncomfortable and not sure what else to do type of drink. She couldn't help but feel that twitch to do the same. She pushed the urge away and focused on her dad's words.

"So, if you'll have me, Director, I'd like to return…to the DEO. Formally."

"J'onn. Can he?" Kara asked.

The man in question took a deep breath and inclined his head. "Pending a full psych evaluation and field readiness exam," he paused. Then he smiled. "We'll give you the tour tomorrow."

Their dad clasped his shoulder. His smile was equal parts relieved and excited. "Thank you, friend."

There was a round of hugs that Sam didn't understand. Maggie smiled at Alex who nudged Sam's side. She gave Alex her best smile, the edges a little unsure. As Sam did so, she noticed Mon-El turn and say something to Kara. A not good something as Kara's features hardened.

It felt rushed that J'onn was going to let their dad join the DEO so soon. There was also the annoyance, that Sam tried to push down, that he wouldn't have to be tested. She reminded herself that he had been a part of the DEO before. It wasn't the same as her situation.

Mon-El turned to the group and raised his glass a bit. "I just wish you were coming back, uh…" Mon-El started awkwardly. Everyone turned their attention to him. "At a time of peace, sir."

"We all do." Kara chimed in.

Alex had made her way around Sam to stand next to their dad, her arm around his waist as his was across her shoulders. Sam took a step toward Maggie. Surprisingly relieved to have some space.

"What a…What a lucky thing that…you have returned when you did." Mon-El continued. He put an emphatic finish to the sentence with a long drag from his glass.

Sam's attention was pulled to the way Alex stiffened. A deadly and confused half smile coming to her sister's face. "You mean when he was rescued, right Mon-El?"

"Um…"

The room felt as tense as Sam had been feeling all night. Everyone seemed to find something interesting in the bottom of their glass or on the island top. Alex the only one trying to keep eye contact. Not that Mon-El was giving it to her.

"I mean that it is very _fortunate_ that Dr. Danvers has returned just as a fusion bomb has become a threat." That rose flags and questions in Sam's mind. No one has even mentioned a threat, much less a bomb-related one. "A fusion bomb that only he's mentioned and no one else has seen. I mean, what a gift."

Alex bristled. She stepped toward Mon-El. Despite the island between them and the alien super strength separating them. Sam set her drink on the table. Whether she was preparing to help Alex or pull her away, she wasn't sure.

"What did you just say to my father?"

"And now he's just going to go right back to the DEO? With full access, I'm guessing. Right J'onn?" Mon-El wasn't backing down. He didn't even acknowledge that Alex had threatened him. "No background checks for your old soldier buddy."

Alex took more proactive steps toward him then. Her arm coming up to gesture aggressively. "You know what?" She spat. "You need to back up."

Maggie stepped into Alex as Kara started to pull Mon-El away. "Nope. I got it."

Sam stood, readied but not sure for what. Maggie was handling Alex, Kara was dragging Mon-El away. She forced herself to relax. With one look back to see Kara's door closing, she turned fully toward the remaining party.

Her mom had a hand on her dad's bad side forearm and was talking quietly. Sam couldn't hear what she was saying. Her dad looked exactly like someone who was just wrongly accused. And a little mad. Sam ignored the part of her brain that told her it was _too much_ the right look. That was only her sense of being out of place talking

Maggie had Alex loosely by both elbows. She was leaned forward and up, trying to calm Alex down. J'onn looked just as out of place as Sam. He looked stern again but when he caught Sam's eye he gave a light shrug and nodded toward Alex before taking a step toward their dad.

"What is his problem!?" Sam stepped closer to Alex and Maggie, catching their heated but quiet conversation. "My dad saved his life. He should be thanking him, not suspecting him of anything."

"I know."

"And what is he even suspecting him of? What possible gain could Cadmus have of us thinking there's a bomb? The worst thing that happens is we look for one and it's not there! I mean seriously."

"I know, babe." Maggie looked worried but Sam knew it was only because of what Alex might try to do. Not Mon-El's outburst. Maggie didn't know her dad well enough to be upset by that. She gave a quick smile to Sam when she noticed her. It seemed it only gave Alex more fuel to her fire.

"Can you believe him!?" Sam shrugged at the comment directed at her. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. She wasn't sure if she could believe Mon-El. More info was needed for that.

"I don't even know what he's talking about. What bomb?"

Maggie sighed as Alex jumped on the question. "Dad came back with intel that Cadmus is working on a bomb created from Kara's heat vision."

Well, that sounded bad. And plausible. Why would Mon-El question that? "Is it true?"

" _What_?"

Wrong thing to say. Sam backtracked as fast as she could while Maggie stepped back in. "Babe, relax. She didn't mean anything. It was just a question."

"Seriously." Sam put her hands up. "I was only asking. I wasn't there when you guys talked about all this."

"And who's fault is that? We told you to come sooner."

Sam's hackles rose. "You know what, Alex–"

"No. Don't." Maggie turned so she was facing Sam more. Looking between the two. "This isn't the time or place. You're both stressed out and taking it out on each other."

Before either of them could respond, their dad was moving toward Kara's room. "I'm gonna go check on her."

The four left in the kitchen waited in quiet. Sam was ignoring Alex who was seething. Maggie seemed not sure which to comfort but stayed close to Alex. J'onn and their mom stood watching where their dad had gone.

A few minutes later he walked out, ushering Mon-El in front of him and Kara walked behind him. Kara stopped at the island where everyone else still was while their dad and Mon-El went out into the hall. All eyes looked to Kara when the door shut.

"I'm sorry." She signed. Her arms coming up to cross over herself. "I don't really know what got into him but you don't have to worry about it. We're, uh…done."

"Oh honey." Their mom rounded the island to comfort her. Alex deflated a bit but not enough to go to Kara too. She was still too angry.

That news only added to Sam's confusion. She hadn't known there was something to officially end between Kara and Mon-El. It was turning out to be the wrong day to have off.

"Is dinner still on?" Sam asked, if only to fill the silence that settled around them. Everyone's mind was on what was being said out in the hall but it was becoming unbearable. She wondered if Kara was listening in.

"I'm not going anywhere." J'onn answered. "I was promised dinner and I intend on getting it!"

They all chuckled a little. Enough to defuse the situation. Small talk began to pick up. Maggie took a half step away from Alex, now sure that she was calmer, and began talking cooking with their mom. Sam was half-listening when she felt a tug at her elbow.

She turned around to see Alex nod toward the living room. Talking to Alex at the moment was not what Sam wanted. Talking in 'private' to Alex was even less what she wanted. But she followed all the same.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you. Mon-El really got under my skin and then I thought you were agreeing with him." Alex rubbed at her forehead. "This is a lot for me and I'm overwhelmed. Maggie was right, I was taking it out on you. I shouldn't have. I'm sorry."

Sam shrugged it off. Eager to be done with the conversation in case it took a turn toward explaining how un-overwhelmed she was. Or, how differently she was overwhelmed. Alex would take them both the same.

"No worries. I get it."

Alex looked hard at Sam. It was clear that she wanted to talk more. Probably have some deep, meaningful sister talk but she thought better of it. Probably too overwhelmed for it or didn't want to get into it. Either way, Sam was relieved.

"Okay. Just, I'm sorry."

Another shrug and a wave off then Sam was turning back to the kitchen. She stopped, hesitating, but then Alex was passing her and it was easier to fall into step than have to answer any questions on why she wanted to stay in the living room alone.

As they got back, their dad was closing the door behind him. He flashed them all a big smile when he turned around. "So, how long until we eat? I'm starving!"

"Is everything okay?" Kara asked, she seemed concerned.

"Oh, oh yea. Everything is fine." Their dad waved his hands in front of him as he joined them in the kitchen again. "We're all good."

J'onn clapped their dad's good shoulder as he steered him toward the living room. His eyes lingering on Kara, her kicked puppy look, the longest. "How about we catch up before it's all business."

"Yea, sure."

Sam took a long drink from her margarita. She had kind of forgotten it was there thanks to all the excitement. She let her eyes slip shut as she focused on the pleasant burn in her chest, down into her stomach. It seemed like those prayers for strong drinks were answered.

"Why don't you girls go on in too. I'll have dinner up soon."

Alex's voice stopped Sam mid-turn. "No Mom. Why don't you go. We'll take care of the rest."

"You mean _I'll_ take care of the rest of dinner." Maggie butted in, bumping Alex's hip with a smile. She rounded the island and picked up a dish towel. "We've got it covered Eliza."

Instead of following her mom and dad into the living room, Sam stayed where she was. Like hell she was going to go out there with them. Just the thought made her nervous. So, she leaned onto the island and listened as her sisters and Maggie talked and cooked.

It was all a cover though. They talked about Maggie's work and CatCo. They talked about Maggie dragging Alex to the Sharks vs Cowboys game. Kara talked about her last lunch date with Lena. All enjoyable conversation but still a cover. No one was touching Mon-El or their dad being back or anything DEO/Supergirl related. The closest they got was Maggie's open case.

Sam needed more than that though. She was already feeling like she missed a lot from having the day off. Not that she wanted to talk about their dad. Oh no. She just wanted the scoop on Mon-El.

"Hey Kara." She started, not unkind but she wasn't going to tiptoe around it either. Kara looked to her to continue. "What happened with Mon-El?"

"Sam."

"No, not like–" Sam started in reaction to Alex's warning tone. It wasn't angry so much as cautionary because of Kara's feelings. "I don't mean tonight. Well, kind of. I just didn't realize you guys were like a thing."

"Well…"

Then Sam realized how that sounded and that maybe Kara didn't _want_ to talk about it since whatever they were was now over. "Wait." She cut Kara off. "You don't have to answer that. It was kind of, uh, insensitive."

"No. It's okay. It happened last night. He slept over and this morning was really great until I asked him to keep it between us. We got to the DEO and he just blurted it out."

"Yikes."

"I'd make a comment about men not being able to help themselves but I know women like that too." Maggie commented as she took a tray out of the oven.

"Then it just spiraled all day. Obviously, we can't be a thing."

"You mean date." Alex interjected. "Please don't pick up Sam's bad habit of not being able to articulate."

"Hey! I articulate just fine! You all knew what I meant."

"Only because we speak fluent Sam."

Sam shot a playful glare at Alex. With her back to the living room and her sisters and friend in front of her, it almost felt normal. The back and forth was nice. Exactly what she needed. Except that Maggie had to crush it.

"Al, go tell your parents and J'onn that we'll be ready to eat in ten."

"I'm gonna go wash up." Kara followed Alex out of the kitchen.

Maggie must have noticed Sam remember how uncomfortable she was. If it was a tensing or a grimace, Sam didn't know. Maggie caught whatever it was.

"You okay over there, Baby Danvers?"

"I'm good."

"It's kind of a lot though, huh?" Sam tilted her head to the side with a shrug. "I can't even imagine. For Alex or for you. Because I know it's different and that's okay. You're allowed to feel differently about this than her."

It was a nice thought. And it felt nice to hear. Sam knew the truth though. Alex was so adamant on how things were supposed to go. There were no different feelings to be had. Sam didn't exactly mind though because what Alex thought should happen felt like the right course of things. There was only the slight issue that Sam didn't actually feel that way. No matter how much she wanted to.

"I really doubt tha–"

Sam was cut off by her dad walking in. Immediately she stiffened, set her glass down and closed in. Despite their topic, Sam had let herself forget what had her so nervous. At least momentarily.

"Food ready?" He smiled between the two. Obviously not noticing. Maggie did though. She always did and before, Sam hated it. Now, she wasn't sure.

Maggie let her attention slip from Sam and onto her dad. "Just about. You can take the rice out. Sam, get the tortillas and veggies? I'm just giving the meat another minute or two."

"Sure." Sam mumbled. She grabbed the tortilla container and bowl of sautéed veggies. Her instinct was to walk ahead, get out of the way but she forced herself to wait for her dad as he picked up the rice bowl with his good hand.

"So, Sam, J'onn tells me you're DEO too? It might as well be the family business at this point!"

"Uh, yea. Just recently though."

"Oh, I don't know about recently. Almost three months unless J'onn was lying." She nodded and placed her dishes in the middle of the table. Sam turned and took the bowl from her dad to place it down too. "You're basically a veteran now."

She smiled at him. A lot of things felt foreign but this felt familiar. Vaguely but still familiar. "I guess so."

"Do you like it?"

"Yea. It's a lot better than what I was doing before."

"Military, right?" Another nod that her dad mirrored. "Mom just told me. What made you take that route? I gotta say, I didn't think any of you would end up in anything remotely combat related."

"Oh, uh…I went to a military academy my last couple years of high school. After that, it just seemed like the right thing."

Sam could feel her nerves prickle in her fingers and along her hairline. This was exactly what she didn't want to talk about. All that inadequacy came crashing down on her. She did her best not to fidget or show it.

"Mom definitely didn't mention that. Why the academy?"

"'Scuse me!" Maggie stepped between them with a steaming dish of carnitas, their mom's famous Mexican with a touch of Maggie's own ingredients. She often joked that it was the only useful thing her family ever taught her. Then, she called out to the rest of the apartment, "Everything's ready!"

Sam looked at her dad who was still waiting for an answer then at Maggie who was fixing the table for dinner. If anyone asks, she did not run from that conversation. Helping with dinner was just a more pressing matter. She ignored her dad as she stepped up to Maggie's side.

"Need help?"

"Of course." Maggie smiled at her, knowingly. Sam took a mental note to thank her for the intrusion at some time when there was less going on. "I left your mom's salsa in the fridge. Grab it for me?"

"On it." Sam spun on her heel and on her way to the kitchen yelled out, "Anyone need a drink?"

"I could use another margarita." Alex answered.

"I still have mine, dear, but thank you."

"I'll help you bring them out." Kara joined her in the kitchen. "J'onn do you need a refill?"

"Please."

"Dad?"

Sam snatched the salsa from the fridge and placed it on the island. She picked up her glass, at least she thought it was hers, and drained it. Kara eyed her but wordlessly filled her glass again. Sam left her glass and grabbed Alex's with her free hand. She handed it to her sister as she gave the bowl to Maggie. Then she went back for the remaining drinks in the kitchen.

They all settled around Kara's table. A pleasant chatter rose around them. Different conversations going on. Sam mostly focused on the one between Maggie and Alex, across the table from her. J'onn and Kara to her right. Her mom next to Alex, her dad across from her mom.

Everyone gushed about the tacos. All three girls had always loved the carnitas tacos but Maggie's subtle touches made them even better. That was when her dad decided to go down memory lane. Pulling some story out from a time Sam didn't remember. She listened but only passively. All of her active brain power was spent on trying to not care that she didn't remember.

"I think that was the first time your mom tried to make them." Her dad laughed.

"It was." Her mom agreed.

"The house smelled like burnt beer for a month! I didn't even think that was possible."

Kara scrunched up her nose. "Oh Rao. I still can't drink beer because of that."

"You're just a lightweight." Alex smirked at her before taking a drink.

"We still ate it though." Her dad smiled across at her mom. "If I remember correctly, there weren't any leftovers either."

"None at all." Her mom returned the smile. "J'onn, you would not enjoy coming over dinner as much back then. My early cooking skills–"

"Skills? They didn't even qualify as skills, Lizzie!" Her dad laughed and the rest of the table joined in. "J'onn, I love my wife but it was terrible."

"You shush!"

"What? Ask the girls!"

Alex and Kara comically started looking down at the table or around the room. "Well?"

Kara shoved half a taco in her mouth to avoid answering. She smiled apologetically with chipmunk cheeks.

"Alexandra?" Alex narrowed her eyes at Kara.

"Cheater." She said under her breath. "Uh, you know, mom. It was so long ago and I was a picky eater. I'm sure it was all me."

"You know who never complained?" Her mom started, she swirled the last of her margarita in the bottom of her glass. "Samantha. She always ate her food and never said a word."

All eyes turned down to Sam. She looked right back. Not real sure what to say or what she was supposed to do. She didn't remember anything they were talking about. What she did remember was complaining all the time about dinner. After her dad left. Because it drove her mom crazy.

"That's only because Alex and I said everything that could be said about it!" Kara stepped in. Another person Sam would have to thank for saving her. So far, she hadn't needed to flail.

The story moved on without her. It was fine. It started without her so why would it continue any other way. She made to reach for another tortilla but Maggie beat her to it, holding the container in front of her with a small smile. Sam tried to ignore it.

She continued to eat. Her family continued to move along memory lane. Some of the stories Sam felt like she could remember. Not completely but pieces at best.

It was a relief when J'onn and her dad started to talk about their experiences together once the night was moved from the table to the living room. That vein of conversation didn't make Sam feel like an outsider in her family. It was kind of interesting too.

Not enough to keep her in the living room though. She walked out to the kitchen for another drink. There was no rush to go back in. Sam stayed in the kitchen, leaning her hip against the counter and watching the party from there.

Kara noticed her and made her way over, Alex's, Maggie's, and their mom's empty glasses in hands. She smiled at Sam when she got closer.

"Hey!"

"Hey." Sam returned the smile. The night made a lot of old feelings surface but thankfully, her aversion to Kara was not among them. Sam was not interested in rehashing those issues.

"You okay?"

Sam hummed with a nod. "You?"

Kara sighed. "I think so. This all feels so surreal, right?"

Sam took the empty pitcher from her. Alex's and their mom's glasses still needed filling. She busied herself with making more of the drink. Tequila, lime juice, half a lemon, simple syrup.

"I mean, it's amazing. Don't get me wrong but it also feels like a dream. We actually found him."

"It sounds like he kinda found us."

That stopped Kara. She looked hard at Sam. Not unkindly or angrily. Just studied her. Sam continued to mix the pitcher then grabbed the empty glasses and filled them. She took a sip of hers, fought the urge to cringe. It was a little strong.

"Do you really think that?"

Sam shrugged and added more juice, topped off her sister's and mom's glass. "I wasn't there. I have no idea but it seems like it all happened really easy. But, ya know, maybe we finally caught a break. That'd be nice for a change."

"It would. Are you gonna come back out?"

"Nah." Sam took a sip. "I'm gonna finish this then leave."

"You're just gonna leave?"

I'll say goodbye first. Don't worry."

Kara looked Sam straight in the eye. "I'll always worry about you, Sam. And, I know this is a lot. For all of us but I'm here to talk about it if you want."

"I'm good but I'll keep it in mind."

"Promise?" Sam nodded. Kara narrowed her eyes at her, knowing that a nod wasn't an actual promise. It seemed good enough though. "Okay. Make sure you come say bye."

Kara walked back out and handed out the drinks. Alex looked back at Sam when she accepted hers. Sam gave a tight smile to her. Alex seemed to debate coming out to talk to her, like earlier, but she didn't. Was it because of their dad being there or did Alex want to give her space? Was that one and the same? It didn't really matter.

Her cup was empty much too fast. Not that Sam didn't want to leave. She was mostly dreading the having to go out and say goodbye. It would turn into some kind of thing. Whether they pressured her to stay or didn't care that she was going, it was going to be uncomfortable.

Sam was tired of feeling uncomfortable though. She hadn't even been able to pull up a façade all night. It was all quiet and timid. Nothing that Sam thought she was. It made it worse.

So, with a deep breath, Sam bolstered her walls. There was no need to be a bitch, her usual fall back defense, but she did need to walk out feeling solid. This night had her shaken. She needed, for herself, to not feel like that. As best she could.

"Hey." She cut into the conversation. One mostly between Maggie and her dad. All eyes turned to her yet again. "Uh, I'm gonna head out."

"Already?" Alex checked the time. "It's still early."

"Alex." Maggie said quietly, putting her hand on her leg. She turned to Sam and said louder, "Be safe getting home."

Alex sighed. "And let me know when you get there?"

Sam nodded. She then looked to Kara. Her sister stood and hugged her. Sam returned it with one arm resting on her back.

"Bye Sam." She said during the hug. She pulled away and added, "Don't forget to text Alex or I'll come check up on you."

Sam smiled. "I won't."

Still avoiding two people in the room, she looked to J'onn. He smiled and nodded at her. "I'd hate to have to join Kara in checking up on you."

"I'll remember, don't worry."

"Good. I'll see you at work then."

"See ya J'onn."

Then there was no more putting it off. Sam turned to find her dad standing. She controlled the urge to recoil back. She looked at him briefly before deciding that her mom was the safer bet right then. Her mom stood with a tentative smile.

"Samantha, honey, I'm glad I got to see you."

"Same Mom."

Her mom reached her arms out, offering a hug. Sam accepted quickly. Not lingering long but bringing both hands into the mix, unlike her hug with Kara.

That was it. The last distraction. Sam hated that she wanted another one, that she needed one in the first place.

Her dad was standing patiently. A content smile on his face. All the smiling was getting to Sam too. For some reason she was acutely aware of each one thrown her way. It was getting under her skin.

A petty annoyance for her to displace her feelings. Being aware of that didn't help her feel any different though. If anything, it was a welcome distraction to her actual feelings.

"It was _really_ good to see you, Sammy." Now she remembered why no one called her that anymore. It had always been her dad who called her Sammy the most. "And I guess I'll see you at work too."

"Yea, okay. I'll see you then."

Sam stood awkwardly. Her dad stood unsure what to do. She could feel that he wanted a hug. She kind of wanted it too. So, using that bolstered confidence, Sam stepped forward to initiate it.

The look on her dad's face was worth it. It lit up immediately. His arms engulfed her shoulders, almost uncomfortably because of her height. Her arms went around his middle. It wasn't exactly comfortable but Sam was able to find some comfort in it. That same feeling of vague familiarity seemed to seep from his arms around her.

One. Two. Three…Four. Her dad didn't seem inclined to let go anytime soon so Sam did. She let her arms drop and moved to take a step back. He let her, his injured arm falling heavily back to his side before he pulled it in like a broken wing. He clapped her shoulder a few times with his good hand.

"I'm all for a family trip to your place but I doubt you want that so make sure you let your sister know when you're home. Okay?"

"Yea."

"And Sammy?" She had turned to leave but stopped, looked back. "I love you."

That ice from earlier was back. In her chest and in her throat. She swallowed hard and quick, trying not to let on that she was so affected.

"Uh, yea. You too."

Alex stood then. Another person Sam was going to have to thank. Later though. When she had better control over herself.

"I'll walk you out, Sam. Come on."

Alex didn't walk her all the way out. Only to the door but she did lean through and pull the door close to her. "You good?"

"Yea."

"Are you sure?"

"I think."

"I get it. I do but Sam, he's back and we need to be there for him. He's been through a lot."

"So have we."

"Not like him."

They stopped in a standoff of sorts. Neither wanting to back down. Sam didn't even understand why she wouldn't back down. It wasn't like Alex was wrong.

"I guess."

Alex bristled but didn't pursue it. Sam could only see it in the way she pressed her lips together. Sam almost wished she did. A fight would be wonderful at the moment, get out some of the anxious energy she had.

"Be safe."

"Bye."

It would be a long trek back to her apartment. Kara lived at least an extra ten minutes further. There was a lot of trouble Sam could find between here and there. She knew of at least two bars she would pass. Either one would work for the purpose of burning out that anxious energy. But Sam made herself pass by each one.

She couldn't afford to get into any trouble. It could have very real consequences now. She could have another drink at home. There was no reason to stop if she was being honest. Just a bad decision in a long line of them that she was beginning to leave behind her.

By the time she got home, it was late. Sam had missed the first train and had to wait for the next. A few texts from Alex and one from Kara were waiting on her phone.

 **-There yet? (A)**

 **-Should I be worried this is taking so long? (A)**

 **-Hi! Don't forget to let Alex know when you get home (K)**

Sam rolled her eyes. The three of them had made strides in their relationship but still, they worried she would take steps back. She couldn't be that mad though. On her way home, Sam had been tempted to do just that. 22 years of habits didn't go away for her in a few months so she couldn't expect it would change for them so fast either.

 **-I'm home. Missed the first train and had to wait. Night**

Alex was always easier to text. Rarely did she use it as a way for meaningful communication. Sam assumed she probably did with Maggie but for everyone else, it was only for pertinent information. Kara was the opposite. With her mind so chaotically blank, Sam wasn't sure she could give Kara what would keep her from worrying.

 **-I just texted her. She probably told you guys. I'm sure I'll see you tomorrow. Night Kara**

It was lackluster but it would have to do. Sam had a lot of other things to worry about. She forewent the drink and got ready for bed. She couldn't help but grin a little at the night. As weird as she felt, it wasn't all bad being with her family. She had still felt faintly close to her dad. Not like Alex or Kara but it felt like enough for not being able to really remember.

All of that got filed away after a few minutes of reflection. Sam needed to get to sleep because she needed to get up for her workout before work. She needed to keep things as normal as possible. If not, she felt like she was going to spiral. That was the last thing any of them needed.


	83. Chapter 83

Work was…weird. Her dad wasn't even in the building yet either. Everyone had just been walking on eggshells around her. Or, people didn't seem to care at all that this was a family matter. It was an odd juxtaposition for Sam and she didn't know how to handle people because she had no idea how they were going to try handling her.

Like she needed handling. That thought alone made her huff and fume and glare. Luckily for everyone at the DEO, Kara had been in and out all morning, saving just enough time to talk Sam through the weirdness. Lots of reminders that people don't know her well enough at the DEO to understand how Sam would react, Jeremiah had been an excellent agent whose disappearance into Cadmus had shaken the agency, they had all been devoting so much time because of Alex and Kara, and Sam, to finding him that it was the normal thing for everyone to talk about now that they had.

Even Parker, who _did_ know Sam well enough to know to shut up, wouldn't stop talking about it. Her limited amount of success in not ripping his head off was only due to the fact that Sam liked the guy. Anyone else and she would've glared him into fleeing several minutes ago.

She had taken to overly focusing on her daily report. One aspect from her last grounding that she hadn't given up. As much as she hated paper/computer work, Sam liked knowing what was going on in the DEO on a day-to-day basis; she felt like it made her a better agent. Several pokes from Parker to her upper arm brought Sam back to the conversation. At least what was a conversation. Parker was silent and pointing over her shoulder.

Sam swiveled in her chair and watched her dad zero in on her then descend the DEO entrance stairs with a big smile. She checked her watch. He was early. An hour early. Alex wasn't even on duty yet. Briefly, she wondered how he managed that. It would be a safe bet to guess that Alex had planned to bring their dad in with her this morning.

"Hey Sammy!" Her dad greeted. "Morning!"

"Sammy?" Parker snickered. Sam backhanded him, hard, in the chest. He gave a muffled grunt before power-talking past Sam's opportunity to greet her dad back.

"Dr. Danvers, Jeremiah if I may. It is an honor to meet you." Parker stuck out his hand. "I've been through your research on J'onn's shapeshifting and your theories are not only complex but realistic in terms of intergalactic changes aliens face when they come to Earth. It's fascinating!"

"Are you a scientist,…uh, I'm sorry. You didn't tell me your name."

"It's Parker." Sam answered for him. "And no. He's an IT guy who likes to think he's smart. And. Who also needs to be somewhere else."

"Oh? That's too bad. I haven't gotten a chance to talk about real, beneficial science in ages! Come find me when you aren't busy." Her dad smiled kind and easy at Parker. She couldn't help but smile too. She hadn't until right then but it was with warmth that she remember how oblivious her dad could be.

Parker looked at Sam, pained. She knew he would go. He was a pain in the ass but he was respectful and no matter how much he idolized her dad, he would never overstep. That was one of the things that made Sam open up to him more than anyone else.

"Right, yea. I'll be sure to do that, sir. It's good to have you back." Parker gave a half nod, half bow thing before walking off. Sam watched him go and wondered where he was headed.

When she looked back at her dad, he was smirking at her. She raised a wary eyebrow at him. That look never boded well for Sam in any context. Especially in her family. It was the same one Kara got when she was about to ask something embarrassing or give Sam a hard time.

"So, who's that?"

"Parker." Sam asked, still wary.

"Well, yea. He told me that but who is he to _you_?"

Oh. _Oh_. No. "A friend, Dad."

Sam hoped with all her might that that would be the end of it. "I know I've been gone for some time but my dad skills aren't that rusty! He seemed like a little more than a friend."

She shook her head. "No. I promise you, Parker is just my friend. I already had this conversation with Kara. You can ask her if you don't believe me."

" _Alll_ right. If you say so." He lifted his chin and narrowed his eyes. Like he thought that would make Sam crack. Maybe once upon a time but she was made of harder stuff now.

She didn't bother answering. That line of conversation needed to end anyway. So, for a few awkward moments they just stood next to each other. Her dad looked around the DEO. She wondered how different it was from the last time he was there. Or maybe he had never been to this headquarters. Kara had mentioned that before they were based in an underground facility. He could've been stationed anywhere.

"Hey." She looked back at him instead of the room around him. "I know I'm a little early but what do you say you start my tour? Just the basic stuff like what's on this floor. J'onn won't get mad and then I can get to the cool stuff even faster!"

His smile was innocent and excited. And contagious. Like when he would plan tricks with Sam to play on the rest of their family. That same 'hey' always started it.

"It's not like I'm really doing anything."

"Yea?" Sam shrugged. "Let's do it then! Lead the way."

The main floor didn't have much beside some conference rooms, the med bay, Alex's lab, and a few training rooms. The computer bay was where they started. It was rocky at first. Awkward and stuttering but by the halfway point, Sam was feeling more comfortable. Her dad felt less foreign.

Did she remember more about him? No. But the longer she was around him, the more she realized that it felt the same. Comforting, solid, and warm. He was easy to be around. Easy enough that Sam could push away her discomfort at that off feeling.

Before she could debate whether to take their tour upstairs, J'onn intercepted them en route. He had this hands on his hips and a look of bemused annoyance. "I think I'll take it from here, Agent Danvers. I'm not sure who gave the order for you to start this tour."

"I'll give you two guesses." Her dad started, light and joking. "The second one doesn't count!"

J'onn shook his head at the man. Then he looked at Sam and nodded back toward her computer. A dismissal. Before she could go, her dad caught her arm with his good hand.

"Thanks for taking me around, Sammy."

"No problem."

She seemed to shrink under his gaze. That easy feeling from before was gone. Her eyes slid from him to J'onn, who smiled kindly, then back. She smiled quickly and set off for her work.

It was annoying how quickly her emotions shifted. Sam was baffled by it. She shook her head at herself as she walked.

Halfway to her desk, Alex walked in. When their eyes met, her sister changed directions toward her. Alex looked surprisingly calm. Sam thought for sure their dad showing up would've thrown a kink in her plan, upsetting her.

"Hey. Have you seen Dad? Mom said he took off a little bit ago. I figured he came here."

Sam threw her thumb behind her, where J'onn and their dad just were. "J'onn started his tour. Well, he's continuing it I guess."

"You guess?"

"Yea. Dad showed up early and asked me to show him around all the unimportant stuff."

Alex smiled. "How'd that go?"

"Fine."

"I'm glad you got to spend some time with him."

Sam didn't answer. That didn't need an answer. Especially when not answering let Alex think that her expectation of how this reunion was supposed go was happening.

"I gotta get to the lab. Call Kara and see if we can all do lunch. I'm sure Dad would love that. I already talked to Mom," Alex added as she turned to leave, "she said she'll meet us wherever we decide."

For the hundredth time that day, Sam checked her watch. It had been due to nerves about her dad showing up. Then because her dad actually did show up. A few times before she fell into the groove of the tour. And now, because it was just another thing for her to dread. Family lunch.

The thought of going through something like last night again was cringe-worthy. Not a promising reaction but Sam couldn't help it.

"Wait." Alex wheeled back around. "We can't do lunch. Not with the fusion bomb scan, we need the monitors manned at all times. I almost forgot that this isn't just happy fun times."

"Happy fun times?" Sam looked at Alex like she was going crazy. The same look would be earned if they weren't at work but to hear Alex say something like 'happy fun times' at work, where she prided herself on being the top bad bitch, it was like she was sick. She smiled in return.

"I'm not really sure where that came from but yea, like it's not all rainbows and sunshine just because Dad's back. We have to deal with this bomb before we can really enjoy it. That's priority. Which, before I forget, you're on monitor duty. If anything changes, you're to report directly to me or J'onn."

"Got it."

"I'll call Mom and take care of cancelling lunch. Do you know where Dad and J'onn are?"

"Upstairs most likely. All the important stuff is down so it'd make sense to do it last."

"I'll check up first then. Get to the monitor, Sam. Various agents will be in and out to relieve you but this is your job. I trust you more than any other agent here. As soon as you notice anything, tell me."

A mix of pride and apprehension bloomed. It was nice to hear Alex say she trusted Sam. That also meant there was a lot of room to fall if she messed up. Either way, she had a job to do. She didn't have time to wallow on the feelings created by a few nice words. Instead of her computer, Sam reported directly to the computer bay. Daily reports could wait.

The day dragged while on monitor duty. Nothing changed. Nothing was even happening to pay attention to. Sam looked at a few screens that showed a map of National City with a radar grid over it that continued to blink as it searched. An infuriating beeping that accompanied the blink was the worst part of the entire job. Every five seconds, beep. Beep. Beep.

Minutes passed into hours. Only two. Two very long, very tedious, very awful hours of watching nothing. Sam was ready to gouge her eyes out by the time her relief showed up. Parker flashed Sam a smile with a wave as he walked up.

"Hey! Ready for a break?"

"I don't even have anything witty to say back to that because I am so fucking ready for one."

"That boring, huh?"

Sam nodded. "I mean, it's obviously great that nothing's happening but that map is seared into my brain. I see it when I close my eyes."

"At least you'll never get lost!" He smiled wide then flicked his chin to the side to get his hair out of his face. Sam rolled her eyes.

"Whatever. Enjoy your fifteen minutes of hell and that stupid radar beep."

Sam didn't get far before she ran into a nervous-looking Winn and very confident Mon-El. She eyed them suspiciously. Mostly because whatever had Mon-El looking like that probably had to do with her family, especially after what happened at dinner last night.

There were two options: ask what was up or continue on like there was nothing to see. Instinct said to pick the latter but Sam knew she should go with the former. With another eye roll, she stepped into their path.

All three stopped. Sam feeling, and probably looking, bored. Mon-El looking like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar, much less confident. Then there was Winn. Somehow he seemed more calm under Sam's eyes.

"Oh hi, Sam. What's going on? We're not doing anything." Mon-El started.

"Smooth, man. Really smooth. She's not going to think anything is up now."

"Why don't you just fill me in then? We can avoid all the annoying parts of this conversation."

"Okay, but you can't tell your sisters. Not yet at least. I don't have all the facts."

That didn't sound good. It didn't feel good either. Sam braced herself for whatever theory Mon-El and Winn had.

"So, after your dad's tour with J'onn, I saw him trying to hack the mainframe. Which!" Winn hastily continued, unneeded since Sam had no intention of interrupting. "Is weird since he was with J'onn, he could've asked him anything but I don't actually know what he accessed. I was on my way to check the file logs at my desk."

Still didn't sound too good. Sam did her best to keep her emotions in check and lead with logic. Once again, instinct was telling her one thing but she knew she needed to react in another. "How do you know he hacked it? He could have access, right?"

Winn shook his head. "I set up his ID badge this morning. Since he's technically a veteran and a doctor, his access is different than a normal agent. I had to go in and do it all manually instead of just clicking his classification. I wasn't told to give him mainframe access so I didn't."

Worrying. Logical reason for them to be suspicious. Sam felt anger starting to build. It prickled that Winn was accusing her dad now that it seemed that accusation was true, it mixed in with the fear that he was right. Not a good combination if Sam's track record was anything to go by.

Everything in her screamed to circle the wagons, protect her own. That was Sam's basic nature. No matter how she felt, her family was never free game. Even when she 'hated' Kara, she stood up for her. She felt the control she had on herself slipping the slightest.

"What are you going to do? After you check the log."

Winn shrugged and looked to Mon-El. He seemed calmer than when Sam stopped them. It must be because she wasn't freaking out like Alex and Kara had at even the mention of her dad not being 100% on their side. His hands came up in a low, defeated shrug.

"We talk to Kara and hope she sees this as reason to be careful. And, Sam, listen, I hope I'm wrong. I really do. Your dad _saved my life_ , but he spent a long time with Cadmus. The one enemy who is always a step ahead of us. This was all too easy. We can't afford to just accept this gift. It's like…"

He trailed off, thinking. Then he hit Winn's arm a few times. "What's that horse thing in your history? The one that made the city fall."

"Trojan horse." Sam answered. Mon-El snapped his fingers and pointed at her.

"Yes. That. It could be a Trojan horse sent to take us down from the inside. We need to just check it all out and if I'm wrong, great. I'd rather be wrong than sorry."

It was a good point. Sam herself had felt wary about how long her dad had been gone. She'd written it off as her nerves manifesting in some work related, made up issue but Mon-El was echoing her same concerns. It wasn't misplaced emotions.

And he was right. Cadmus always seemed one step ahead of them. With the way Alex and Kara talked about the organization, using such an emotion-charged decoy would not be outside of their wheel house. Besides, with the things the DEO dealt with, nothing was too outside of the box. Especially since a double agent wasn't outside of the box at all.

Sam sighed. Heavy and resigned. She wasn't going to just give in to Mon-El's theory. She wasn't going to just ignore it either. It was time to play the fence.

"Talk to Kara. If you have evidence, she'll listen. She respects the truth more than anything. Do _not_ go to Alex with this. Don't even come back to me. I don't want to be in the middle. I'll admit you have something but this is my dad you're accusing of betraying us. If you would've caught me at a different time, this conversation could've gone very poorly for you two."

"I really hope I'm not right, Sam."

"No, Mon-El." His insistence was starting to get old. It was stoking that anger, morphing it and giving her something to unleash it on. She fought to keep the heat from her voice. "You really hope you are. Because if you're right than you're the hero. _You_ knew something bad was happening. _You_ saved the day. _You_ get to comfort Kara with a gentle 'I told you so'. Remember that this is my family you're trying to rip up. My family that just got back together. You better be goddamn sure or else we're going to have problems."

"But you just said…?"

"I said to go talk to Kara because she'll be able to look at this objectively. You have something; I won't deny that but I won't buy in to your theory. Not without something more than you saw him at a computer."

"You're confusing." Mon-El replied, sounding a little defeated.

"Family's confusing, big guy. Don't worry too much about it." Winn pushed Mon-El forward past Sam by the shoulder. He gave her a half smile as he went by. "We'll be careful with this."

By the time she calmed herself down, Sam had less than five minutes left of her break. She almost wished to have stayed at the monitors instead of having that conversation. It was draining. The war between head and heart was exhausting. Winn hit it right on the head: family was confusing.

Everything Mon-El and Winn said made sense. Logically, they should be screening her dad based solely on how long he had spent with Cadmus. J'onn hadn't even made him go through the psych eval or field readiness exam he had mentioned at dinner. Those were both bullshit tests in Sam's opinion anyway. It was what all the home base agents went through since they didn't see the field very often.

Everything Sam knew about her dad and about her family rebelled against the idea of her dad turning on them. Her heart screamed and railed against the suggestion. It was impossible. He would never turn on them. Cadmus had tortured him countless times because he wouldn't do what they wanted. Alex said he told them that. There was no way Jeremiah Danvers was a Trojan horse.

When Sam got back to the computer bay, J'onn and Alex were standing by with Parker. Nothing had changed. She eyed the tablet in Parker's hand but didn't ask.

Alex told her anyway. "We're trying a different search algorithm."

"The old one wasn't showing shit so couldn't hurt to try."

"Agent Danvers." J'onn began, a lecture in his tone already. "Language on duty."

"Yes sir."

That was J'onn's one issue with Sam at work. He praised her constantly on her ethic and her willingness to try other roles, that she was always ready to do what was needed. He did not enjoy her colorful manner of speech while she did all those things. They'd had many discussions on how it was unprofessional and unbecoming of a government agent.

"Still no ping on the fusion bomb?"

Sam turned, as did Alex and J'onn, as her dad walked up. He stood between Alex and Sam, his good hand coming up to squeeze her elbow briefly. Not one for unnecessary contact, Sam did her best to stop the slight flinch at the unexpectedness of it.

"Uh, no. Nothing." J'onn answered. A different version of disappointment in his tone.

"Is it possible they could have developed some sort of cloaking device?" Alex asked.

Their dad started to shake his head as she finished her question. He looked down in thought for a moment before answering, "No. No, they would've needed me to build it for them."

He looked back at the screen, pausing awkwardly. He gestured vaguely at the map. "Keep scanning. It'll come online eventually."

Sam watched him walk away and wondered where he could be off to with so much intention. It wasn't like he had any pressing work to get to. He didn't get far before Kara was calling for him.

"Hey, Jeremiah…" Kara, Mon-El, and Winn all met him in the middle of the main floor. Sam braced herself and tried to stop thinking 'oh shit.'

She hadn't thought Mon-El and Winn would talk to Kara so quickly. A little wait time seemed given in her mind but obviously not to the guys. They had pounced on the opportunity. Logically, waiting to confront a possible double agent didn't make much sense.

Nor did she want to be in that conversation. Already, she felt like an outsider because she wasn't as ecstatic as Alex and Kara about their dad's return. Sam didn't want to shine a light on it.

"Can we talk for a minute?"

"Sure. What's up?"

Once again, Sam was struck by how perfect her dad's reaction was. The exact picture of confused innocence. Alex was quick in making it to their dad's side. A subtle sign of support against the other three.

"Is everything okay?"

Kara paused in answering. J'onn came up behind Alex. Less in a show of unity and more to be in the conversation. Sam stayed where she was. She knew what this was about but she didn't know the specifics and she didn't have to be right in the conversation to get them. She was fine right where she was.

"Um…" Kara looked down then back up at their dad. She looked pained and Sam knew it was genuine. "Earlier today you accessed some highly classified files from the DEO mainframe."

"That's true. I did."

"Why?" Alex asked. Confused and surprised. Sam saw that the answer caught her off guard. Not that Alex would back down from the protection of her dad, not in front of Mon-El, but she still wanted to know.

Her dad looked at Alex. Then around at everyone as he answered. "I tried to use my old passkey to look at some case files but the access codes have changed so I did a workaround to get inside."

"What were you looking at?"

Sam was surprised to see real suspicion on J'onn's face. It made her realize that last night, he hadn't disputed Mon-El's claim. He had comforted her dad but never once said that Mon-El was wrong. It made her wonder if those evals were going to happen, and more in-depth than most psych evals for returning agents.

"Case files from the last 24 months. I wanted to see what my daughters had been up to."

That drove a stake through Sam. She had already been feeling vulnerable between the war in her head but seeing her dad admit that, seeing Kara realize what she was accusing vs. what he was claiming. It made her decision to stay on the sidelines of that conversation seem like the right one.

"The crises you faced. The people you saved. The adventures you've been on." Their dad continued. "I've been away so long…" He looked back at Sam then to her sisters again, "Case histories are just a way for me to feel like I was there. A little. I'm sorry."

The air in the room was tense. Mon-El and Winn looked guilty and awkward. Kara looked like she dropped her ice cream on the ground and Alex looked like she was either going to cry or murder them all. It was hard to tell but more so that she was sad for their dad having to admit that.

"Winn?" J'onn asked, looking for confirmation.

"Uhh…uh, oh…yea. Yea, he's…He's telling the truth." Winn answered, checking his tablet. "I mean, looks like it's just a bunch of old case files."

Alex took a deep breath. She stepped up to their dad's side and began guiding him away from everyone. "Oh Dad." She started quietly. Then she looked to the three with questions. Sam couldn't see her but she'd bet that there was fire in her eyes. "You both are unbelievable," She said to Mon-El and Winn. Knives rolled off her tongue as she spoke to Kara, "But you, you're something else."

Kara didn't stick around to talk with Mon-El and Winn further. She looked disappointed but not in a way that seemed to admit she was wrong. More like it was only that Jeremiah admitted to missing so much, effectively putting him on the spot. And that Kara didn't believe him. The set of her jaw and the stride she took out of the main floor screamed determination.

Sam hung out by the monitors still. It wasn't like she was allowed to go anywhere else. It also wasn't like she needed to go anywhere else to think it all through.

She couldn't stop thinking about how perfect her dad's reaction was. More than rehearsed, it was flawless. And who could go against a father's desire to catch up on his kids' lives? It was an easy cover. It was Sam's life that was being caught up on and even she didn't want to touch that excuse with a ten foot pole.

Then there was Alex's unwavering loyalty to their family. She would always be there to defend their dad and she had always been like that. For any of them but right now, it was him. He didn't even have to do much except bring up that he was gone and there was Alex to swoop in. It all fit so well together. A perfect alignment.

Perfection had always raised flags for Sam. But now, she was letting her past muddy her vision of those flags. Not that it was an easy realization to come to. Earlier that morning, on their impromptu tour, Sam had finally been feeling comfortable around her dad.

Before she could get much farther in her familial evaluation, Parker came up next to her. He didn't nudge her but leaned into her line of sight to get her attention. "I just saw all that. How about I take over for more than just a little break? I tried to get over here sooner but I needed to finish up my reports."

"Nah. I'm fine. I got this."

"No, Sam. Really. Go and take a real break. I'll cover for the next couple hours. You've been staring at this screen all day. I'm sure you're itching to hit something."

It was true. She was dying for some physical activity. The stress of her family was only making that a dire need. It felt wrong leaving Parker to do her job though.

"Go on. I'll cover you."

"Thanks."

"No worries. This way it won't be me you finally get to punch. Any chance I can take to _not_ be your sparring partner I will take!"

"You're so dumb." Sam laughed. From behind Parker, Sam watched her dad leave Alex's lab. In some insane and mysterious rush of confidence, she decided to go after him. "I'll be back in a little bit."

"Take your time! I'm good here."

Sam jogged off after her dad. He was on the stairs up to the secondary med bay by the time she got close enough to call out. "Hey Dad."

He turned and smiled when he saw her. "Hey Sammy! What's up?"

"Nothing." Sam slowed a few steps below him. "I was wondering if we could, uh, talk."

"I don't know if I'm up for another 'talk' if it's anything like the one Kara just put me through." He was smiling but it faltered when he really looked at Sam. He was serious when he asked, "Is it about what Kara asked me?" Sam nodded. He pointed up toward the bay. "Ah. Okay, let's go on up then and talk."

As they ascended, Sam lost a little of that confidence. It almost felt like she was seven again and going up to her parents' room to be scolded. They had always believed that one on one discipline was best. It kept the sisters out of the process and, they hoped, made it less about the spectacle and more about the lesson. Sam had hated it. Getting lectured in general was painful for her. Not that her life, post-disappearing dad, supported that fact. She just got really good at feigned indifference. And anger.

He leaned lightly on one of the tables. His bad arm hugged to his side and stomach, like his hand was resting on his belt buckle. It made him look like a cowboy. He smiled in an attempt to disarm the situation. It was just like when Sam was a kid. That's always how he started the lectures, by trying to show her that it was all okay.

"So, what's up?"

"If you really wanted to catch up on us, why didn't you ask instead of hacking the DEO?"

It was blunt. Almost brutally so but it was blunt or not happening. Sam's courage and confidence were faltering. Her family couldn't afford that. This conversation needed to happen. _She_ needed answers. Blunt was better than nothing.

"I don't know what you want me to say, Sammy." He shrugged. "I guess I feel bad for missing so much and I hate admitting it. I thought that if I could catch up on my own, it would be better than having to ask to be filled in."

"Don't you think that maybe we would want to fill you in?"

"I didn't think of that." It was a simple answer. "Is that what you want?"

It was Sam's turn to shrug. "I don't know what I want. I don't really know what to think about all this. That's why I'm asking."

"And that's good. It's good to ask questions. I just hope you're asking the right questions."

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing. It doesn't have to mean anything but how well do you really know all your friends? Like Mon-El. What do you know about him?"

"I know that Kara likes him and that he tries his best by her." Sam wasn't sure why she was getting defensive about Mon-El, of all people. She didn't like what her dad was implying though. Nor did she understand what that had to do with their conversation.

"Okay." He pacified, his good hand coming up. "Alright. Just pretend I didn't say anything. I didn't mean to upset you."

"You didn't. I don't understand why that was relevant. I was asking about you and you changed the subject. That's what I mean, Dad. It all just feels weird."

"Sammy, can I ask you another question? This one is relevant. I promise."

She was tempted to say no. Go on her way and be done with this. Sam was already regretting going after this conversation. It wasn't helping anything.

"Sure."

"Are you happy to see me? Because it doesn't really feel like it."

A stake through the heart earlier and now a full on lance. It took the air out of her. She blinked once at him, then forced herself to do so again before her eyes remembered how to do their job. Was she happy…to see him? That was his honest question?

The indignation that he would ask that was answered by her own indecision on what her answer was. In all honesty, _was_ she happy to see him? At times, yes. But overall? Mostly she felt apprehensive. Or inadequate. Anxious and unsure. But happy?

"It's okay if you're not. I know I left when you were really little. For more than half your life, I wasn't around. We both have to live with that but what I do need to know is if I can be in your life now? Because if so, I need you to stop avoiding me." He smiled. "Don't deny it. You can't stay in the same room as me for more than ten minutes without leaving or ignoring me."

Sam wouldn't bother denying it. Not after he admitted it for her. It was refreshing to have someone who understood what she was doing without being angry.

Behind the pleasant relief at his not being mad, Sam was aware that this was still a change of subject. No longer were they talking about the hacking incident but now how they were going to move forward with their relationship. It was a passive nagging at the back of her head. One she was willing to ignore in order to focus on something she desperately wanted.

"You're not mad?"

"Mad? It's normal. We just have to get to know each other again. I mean, seriously, last time I had a conversation with you, you wanted everything you owned to be orange, when you grew up you wanted to be a firefighter, and your proudest moment was surviving a bee sting without crying."

"That might still be my proudest moment." Sam joked. Her dad smiled.

"I hope to god not. I may have only been there for seven years but I have failed as a father if that's still true."

They both laughed. That distance she usually clung to dissolved between them and it didn't bother Sam. Those concerns were still there but, again, that draw of what she's been wanting for 15 years was stronger. It was enough to tell her head to go to hell and lead with her confused heart.

Her dad checked her watch. "Oh, hey! I gotta go. I have a meeting with…uh, a Dr…Bailey, is it?"

"Yea. She's the main medical doctor."

"And my boss so I probably shouldn't keep her waiting!" He pushed off the table and Sam mirrored him. He raised his good arm and motioned her in. "Give your old man a hug and then get out of here. I'll come find you later so we can catch up some more."

The reference to their original conversation twitched one of those flags in Sam's brain. It was a tactic manipulative people used, she knew it because she had done it before. The slight acknowledgement of the original problem at the end of the conversation to make the other person think that it was a productive, linear conversation. It was a distraction to the fact that they hadn't really resolved anything.

Sam couldn't focus on that though. Not with her dad, the man missing from her life for 15 years, hugging her. Not when he was real and tangible and there. That would be asking a great deal from anyone. And Sam? She was lacking when it came to emotional fortitude. So she pushed it back and actively ignored it. She was aware of the ignorance too. So badly did she want it to be true that he wasn't…what Mon-El and Winn and kind of Kara thought.

The spring in her step didn't last long. On her way back to the computer bay, to check on Parker and make sure he was really okay with staying before she headed off to train, Sam overheard Alex and Kara going at it from Alex's lab. She watched them argue from the other side of the glass walls.

Kara was adamant but gentle, only bolstering her argument with each barb Alex threw back at her. Sam knew Alex was in flat out defense. She was protecting herself by protecting their dad. Sam felt her own hackles rise in his defense, especially after their talk. But that logic wasn't laying down like it had when she was with him.

It was like when Sam was around her dad, she was able to buy into the allusion of being a family again but as soon as Sam walked away, she could see clearly. It was painful. More than anything, Sam didn't fucking understand.

But listening to Alex tell Kara that she was either part of the family or she wasn't was very clear. And it was more painful than Sam's daddy issues because Alex being there for Kara was a law of nature. She understood that anything that could make Alex flip so violently from one stance to another was not good. Their dad being back may have made their family whole but it was tearing them apart. Mostly it was only tearing Alex apart. It was easy, now, to see how hastily she was holding herself together.

Sam was nearing the door as Alex walked away from Kara after shouting, "Then act like it!"

She paused where she was, watching Kara. Contrary to popular belief, Kara didn't need to be handled carefully. Sam had never done that. She had let Kara fumble and struggle because she knew Kara could get through it on her own. And now, she let Kara try. She watched and gauged how she was handling this explosive side to Alex. They hadn't seen it in years, not since those dark and drunken college days.

Kara didn't seem sad or hurt so much as angry. That was a good sign. Sam walked into the lab, "You good?"

"Why is she like that?"

"I've been asking myself that for years."

"I'm serious, Sam."

"So am I. This is what it feels like to be on the other side. I'm gonna tell you the same thing you always tell me: Alex is stubborn and she's protective which means she doesn't always think about who she's hurting in order to save someone else. Give her some time. She'll calm down."

Sam held up a hand when Kara tried to respond. "Oh, and I forgot the next part, maybe next time you should try not to provoke her so much."

That pulled a weary smile from Kara. Sam had a smug one to match. Despite their situation, the role reversal was humorous.

Kara sighed. "Do you think I'm horrible because I'm not blindly trusting him?"

"Yes and no." Sam walked farther into the room. "I feel the same way and I feel horrible about it. And a little bit like I have no idea what I actually feel about anything."

"That was surprisingly honest for you."

"Yes, well, let's stop being surprised every time I do something like that." Sam nodded out of Alex's lab. "Why don't you go do something productive. I'm gonna go talk to Alex."

"Really?"

"Yea. I think it's time I pulled my weight in this sister-ship."

"I'm proud of you, Sam." Kara smiled at her again, wide. "And you do that."

As they crossed paths, Kara out into the DEO and Sam deeper into the lab, Kara grabbed Sam's wrist. Brief and loosely but enough to physically remind Sam that she had Kara in her corner. Not that it was ever in doubt but the constant reminders were nice. Even if Sam sometimes complained about them.

Alex was as deep into her lab as she could get. It was a maze of machines that Sam had never bothered to explore. It was almost eerie thanks to the shadows the machines threw around.

"Are you gonna explain what all that was about?"

"I don't have time for the run around, Sam. What are you talking about?"

"Well, 1. Why you snapped at Kara of all people and 2. Why you're hiding at the back of your lab?"

"I'm not hiding."

"I didn't even know this part of your lab existed until I came looking for you. That seems like hiding to me."

Alex heaved a frustrated sigh and faced Sam. "She's agreeing with Mon-El _just because_ it's Mon-El! She would never believe something like that on her own."

"You know that's not true."

"I don't!?" Alex scoffed. "Sam, you know how she gets with boys. She follows them blindly!"

"Not with things like this. Come on, Alex. If you would just calm–"

"Do not tell me to calm down. Are you really agreeing with her?"

"This isn't about me. I'm worried–"

"This is about you, Sam. It's about all of us. Our dad would never do anything like what they're accusing him of. Do you even remember him?"

Sam took a deep breath. She reminded herself of all the things she just told Kara. She reminded herself of what she had been feeling toward her dad since she was told he was back. So badly did she want to snap back at Alex but she didn't because that's what Alex was looking for. She was pulling a Sam and if they both acted like Sam, nothing good was going to happen.

"No. Not specifics, not really." She answered evenly. "But I remember him being a good dad and loving him. A lot."

Sam paused and thought. What _did_ she remember?

"I remember watching games and playing pranks. I remember him helping me with my homework but no, Alex. I don't actually remember much of any of that. It's all blurry.

"I mostly remember that I thought he hung the moon and he was 100x better than Superman and that he was the best. Hands down, the best."

There was another pause. Not because Sam wanted one but she needed one. She hadn't articulated any of that until right then, hadn't even thought it. That was a pill. A bitter one at that, because she didn't know her father. She just knew that she loved him more than anything at one point and for a long time, that was enough for her.

"Things aren't always black and white, Alex. Family, more than anything, is gray. You can't take your uncertainty out on Kara and you can't tell her this is about sides. Yes, I heard that." Sam answered Alex's attempted question by talking over it. "I think the entire DEO heard it. But, it's not about sides. I don't know what it's about but right now you're alienating yourself from everyone but Dad.

"What happens to our family if the core of it dissolves because of some addition? I'm not the science wiz here but I'm pretty sure that's not good."

Alex looked both angry and resigned. Sam didn't like what that could mean so she wasn't keen on sticking around. Or prodding the bear any more. She was lucky Alex hadn't lashed back already.

"I don't wanna fight. For once in my life, I don't. I just hated to see you and Kara get into it like that. I'm sorry if I over stepped."

With that, Sam left. Alex would do what she wanted with what Sam said. She had her own demons to contend with now. That conversation exposed much more of Sam than she had wanted. No longer did she want a sparring session. That monitor with the map and flashing radar and monotonous beep sounded ideal. Thinking, for once, sounded ideal.


	84. Chapter 84

**A/N: I did not read over this. But! I wrote a shit ton over the weekend. I should be able to post a little more frequently now. Sorry you guys had to wait so long between chapters. Enjoy!**

More than anything, Sam was finding, she had no idea who she was with her dad around. It through off the whole family dynamic. Her mom was distant and clinical, Alex was work- and Kara-consumed, and Kara was warm and always looking to be more. Then, there was Sam: walled-off, cold, and hot-headed. Until recently. Now, she was protective, loyal, and work-consumed.

Around her dad, she was none of those things. He took her back to seven years old. Except it was worse. At seven, it was fine not to know yourself. At 22, almost 23, Sam was painfully aware that she shouldn't feel like she's seven again. Knowing herself was a shaky truth at best but she at least had an idea. She thought.

It wasn't a comfortable feeling. Made worse by Sam's pride. The more she stood staring at the screens thinking about it, the more pissed off at herself she got. His return didn't mean anything for _her_. For her life, sure. Yes. It was a huge event but for her heart and soul and being it was nothing. It didn't change her. She was Sam.

"What's with the pissy face, Baby Danvers?"

Sam jumped a bit at Maggie's voice. The detective was walking up to Sam from behind. Her badge hung at her hip which meant she was only stopping by for a short while. It was probably a work related visit more than a girlfriend related one.

"Nothing." Sam brushed off. Maggie raised a lazy brow but didn't push her on it. "What's up?"

"Stopped by for a briefing on the fusion bomb but now I'm making the rounds."

Sam looked back at the monitors. Maggie did the same. "Did you talk to Alex?"

"I tried to."

"So did I."

Maggie didn't really say anything. She gave a soft hum. An agreement or acknowledgment. Something. They stood watching the unchanging screen. Neither talking for a while until Maggie started up again.

"She didn't seem very happy. I wasn't expecting that."

"There's a lot going on right now. Between Dad being back and this bomb thing, things are stressful."

"And that's it? Because it seemed like more than stress."

Sam felt bad not telling Maggie felt out what was going on. Something was telling her not to though. It felt more like something Alex needed to tell her.

"Dad being back just isn't going how she wanted." That was at least vague enough to, hopefully, appease Maggie without selling Alex out. If she hadn't told Maggie already then she wasn't planning to until it was all figured out.

Maggie nodded. "Okay. How are you doing with that, by the way. The whole dad being back thing."

"It's okay." Sam shrugged. "Weird."

"We're at work, I get it so I'm not gonna hound you on this but we both know there's more than that. Just know I got you, Sam."

"I know. I'm good; promise. How are you?"

Maggie sighed and flashed Sam a tired smile. "I'm good. Your sister is stressing me out. I know she's got more going on than she's showing me with this whole routine but I'm trying to respect that. I just wanna be there for here, ya know?"  
"She'll come around."

"I know. I just need to be patient and let her feel and share on her own, when she's ready."

"Work good?" Sam asked. She didn't want to keep talking about Alex. If Maggie kept going on about how she wanted to be there for Alex then Sam was going to crack and spill it all.

"As good as it gets in what we do. This whole bomb thing is throwing a wrench in my plans but as long as it doesn't manifest into anything serious, we're all good."

"Maggie?" Sam and Maggie turned to her dad behind them. He grinned at her. "What brings you down to the DEO? Here to see Alex?"

"Hey Jeremiah. Kind of. I came down to get the low down on the Cadmus bomb."

"Oh right. You're NCPD, right? You mentioned that last night."

"Yes sir. Science division."

"Yes! I remember talking about this. Sorry. It was a lot to take in last night. I hope you can forgive my memory!"

"Of course. Don't even worry about it." Maggie flashed her dad a dimpled smile. "I need to get back though, sir. Sam. I'm sure I'll see you guys later!"

"Bye Maggie!" Her dad waved with his good hand. Sam smiled at her then turned back to the screens. Her dad watched Maggie leave. Then announced, "I like her."

"She's pretty cool."

"And she's good to your sister?" Sam nodded. "Good. You and Kara both like her?"

"I like Maggie a lot. Kara gets into it with her sometimes but it's not like they dislike each other."

"What do you mean they get into it?"

"They often have differing opinions is all. Nothing serious, Dad. It's not like you have to worry about Alex, anyways. She takes care of herself."

"I know that. A dad has a right to know though."

Sam shrugged. It didn't really matter to her what he wanted to know. She was too focused on being Sam with him next to her. The realization of what his appearance was doing to her family made it easier. Everyone losing their heads meant Sam had to keep hers. Even if that meant losing hers in her normal Sam way. All she needed was to stop thinking about her actions so much.

"Hey. Do you wanna get some lunch? I thought we were all gonna get something as a family but Alex told me earlier that with the bomb search, we can't. I thought you and I could get something together instead."

"I can't." Sam turned to him, an apologetic half smile on her face. "I _am_ the bomb search. Sorry Dad. I'm sure Alex would be down."

"No. It's okay. I was looking forward to getting some time in with you but I get it! Work comes first. Especially with this bomb out there."

"Well…" Sam started. "We could get something and eat it here. J'onn usually says no food in the computer bay ever since Winn spilled on his keyboard but he'll make an exception for you."

"Really? That'd be great."

"Yea, sure. Anything in particular you want? I'll go order if you watch the monitor for me."

"How about…" Her dad thought. His good hand came up and brushed back the hair at the side of his head and then he ran his hand up the back of his head. "Let's do burgers and shakes if you know a place that delivers. I haven't had a good shake in forever!"

"What do you want?"

"Just get me whatever you're having."

"Got it."

With their order placed, Sam took a few extra moments to center herself. She was going to stay level-headed throughout this lunch. Before, she let herself get overwhelmed by her dad. She lost herself in him a bit. That couldn't happen again. She would be Sam. Not a scared little girl.

She walked back out to the computer bay intent on acting normal. Despite what that might mean for her relationship with her dad. Too long was Sam walking on eggshells trying not to piss people off. She was good with Alex and Kara, that wouldn't change. At least she didn't think so. Her mom was always willing to bury the hatchet with Sam. Her dad would just have to learn too.

"It'll be here in about 20."

"Did you want to hang out until then?"

"No. Not really." Sam answered, not looking at her dad. Her eyes faltered from their stare at the monitors, dropping down then back up. It felt a little wrong to be so blunt. She looked at him and motioned to the screens. "If I'm going to take a break for lunch then I should stay focused until then."

"Makes sense. I probably have some work to get done too. Okay then. I'll see you in about 20."

He walked off, toward the upstairs med bay. Sam watched until he got to the stairs then turned back to the monitors. She pulled herself up tall, chin squared and shoulders straight. It felt much better than the small, nervous mess she had let herself be lately.

It was all mind over matter. A conscious effort to act like herself. Already it felt good. She could still be worried about Alex as herself and hope that Kara wasn't beating herself up over questioning their dad as herself. Sam didn't have to change to fit in to her family. Well, a little bit but being happy changed the harder parts of herself. And those, she remembered Maggie telling her, were the only things that had to change.

The new clarity of self let Sam detach from the moment and think. If her dad was what Mon-El thought, what did that mean for her? In a word, everything. She didn't have the same fall back memories that Alex and Kara had to make it okay. If her dad wasn't, the question was still what did it mean for Sam? It was exactly what he said earlier: they both had to fit into their current lives. Sam and her dad had to get to know each other and carve a place out.

This new addition to all their lives didn't mean all that much had to change. Probably at first there would be more family time but eventually, things would even out and get back to normal. They'd see their parents at holidays and birthdays. Maybe the occasional weekend trip. In the grand scheme, this was manageable. Sam had to keep her scope set on the grand scheme so she could keep herself grounded.

She had Alex and Kara in her life. Her mom was in and out. She had friends. Her career, because she finally had one that she actually wanted to be a lifelong gig, was on the up and up. She had her own place. And now, her dad was back. It was all good. The big picture focus was good.

That weight Sam had been feeling on her shoulders was lifting. It made her chuckle a little too because it wasn't some big moment that had her seeing clearly. She simply decided to stop feeling a certain way. Mind over matter. She smiled.

"That's a nice change." Parker said as he walked up, brown bag in hand. He held it out to Sam. "J'onn paid for it and said to take as long a lunch as you need. Wang is going to cover for you here."

"J'onn paid for my lunch?" Parker nodded with a shrug. "Well, okay. I know better than to look a gift horse in the mouth."

"We both know that's not true. You'd check the mouth, shoes, and…I don't know enough about horses to keep this analogy going but you get where I'm going."

Sam smiled. "Whatever."

"It really is nice to see you smiling, Sam. Jokes aside."

"How about we don't put the jokes aside because we also both know that I don't enjoy getting all weird and sappy about anything."

"I know. Just saying!"

"What are you working on?" Sam asked, turning the conversation away from her.

"Nothing really. Tracking the different searches and algorithms we've tried and what the results were. Winn has me brainstorming what other factors we could work in that might give us something. Anything really. It'd be better than the nothing you've had to look at all day."

"We'll find it. If Cadmus has a bomb out there, we'll find it."

"Not before lunch though."

"Right. Not before lunch. You said Wang was coming to relieve me? Where is he?"

"I'm sure he's on his way. Your sister had him studying our data on Kara's heat vision for different kinds of signatures it could have. I got you until he shows up."

"No. You already served your time in monitor hell. I can wait."

"We both know that just because Wang is late doesn't mean he'll stay past you allotted lunch time so go eat. I don't mind. I need a break from looking at numbers and code anyways."

"I owe you, Parker. Thanks."

"Alcoholic beverages are always acceptable for showing thanks." He called after Sam. She rolled her eyes and didn't bother responding or even acknowledging him.

She took the stairs up to where she last saw her dad heading slowly. No reason to rush. This was most likely going to be awkward. Not an enticing prospect, definitely not worth jogging up some stairs.

When she got there, her dad had a patient. Jensen, another agent under her sister's command. Sam set the food on the counter and did her best not to interrupt. Her dad was examining his wrist.

"It's a little tender to the touch but it's not broken. Just a sprain. We'll get some ice on it for you, keep that on for 20 minutes and then wrap it up with an ACE bandage." Her dad got up to get the ice. He noticed Sam and smiled at her but didn't offer any other greeting. "It'll probably take about a week for you to be back to physical activity but we'll take it day by day. Check in with me when your shift starts each day. Sound good?"

"Yes sir." Jensen answered. He had been a marine before joining the DEO and grew up in Mississippi. His use of sir and ma'am never faltered. His manners were near perfect. Sam loved teasing him for it.

Sam watched her dad gently wrap the ice onto his wrist with plastic wrap. Jensen sat perfectly still, showing no discomfort. She leaned back on the counter next to their food with her arms crossed. Slightly annoyed that her lunch was being infringed upon now that she was in the secondary med bay. Wang really wasn't going to stay longer than her half hour. This wasn't a Sam created time waster so it was unacceptable. Not that she could blame either her dad or Jensen.

When her dad was done, he said, "Just be careful with it. It'll be sore so I doubt you'll try to do much with it but still. The more you try to do, the longer it'll take to actually heal."

"Yes sir. Thank you." Jensen stood up, an ACE bandage roll in hand. "Hey Sam."

"Hey Jensen. Sorry about that." She nodded at his wrist.

"It's alright. Hazard of the job and all that. Y'all have a nice day."

"You too, Tommy." Her dad answered. He got up and washed his hands. "Are all Alex's agents like that? He was so polite."

Sam scoffed. "No."

Her dad turned while toweling off his hands. A confused smile on his face. "What do you mean by that?"  
"You haven't met Wang or Brown yet." Sam answered. She started to get their food out then stopped before setting anything on the counter. "Should I wipe this off first?"

"I did this morning and haven't been over there since. It should be okay." Sam set the burgers down and pushed her dad's further to the side for him. "What are Wang and Brown like then?"

"You'll see." She got the fries out next and two straws. "Idiot." She mumbled, realizing Parker left their milkshakes. Or the delivery guy did. She really hoped it was Parker. "I gotta go see if our shakes made it."

"Okay."

Sam jogged down the stairs, powerwalked to the front desk, and snatched the drink carrier without saying anything to the agent on desk duty. She was now cursing that she didn't notice earlier during her leisurely walk up to the med bay. She was going to have to inhale her food to be back down to the monitors before Wang left.

"Here they are. I got you vanilla. I wasn't sure if you liked strawberry. Alex and Kara think I'm weird because I do."

"Vanilla's fine. Right now, I'd drink anything as long as it was in shake form!" He hit the butt of hi straw on the table and pulled it out of the paper with his teeth. He let out a long groan of satisfaction after he took a drink. "That's exactly as good as you think a milkshake would be after 15 years."

Sam watched him, amused and uncomfortable at the same time. She laughed a little then turned to her own food. "Did they let you have anything?"

"Yea." Her dad answered as he grabbed a few fries. "At first it was really rough. I was constantly trying to get out of there. When I realized I couldn't and stopped, things really weren't that bad. They treated me well enough. But I was always a prisoner. It didn't matter how they treated me."

Sam hated that she constantly asked questions she didn't know how to react to. There was nothing to really say to his answer. I'm sure it sucked? That seemed a little insensitive. And obvious.

They ate in silence for a little bit. Which was beneficial for Sam since she didn't have that much time anyway. When she finished her burger, her dad taking longer since he struggled a little eating with one hand, he started talking again.

"What do you like to do in your spare time, Sam?" She looked at him, unimpressed. "We've gotta start somewhere."

A good enough reason for such a lame question. Sam mostly slept or worked out in her free time. That didn't say a whole lot about her though. "I don't know. I don't have a lot of free time now that I work here. I work out, read sometimes. Hangout with Alex and Kara and everyone."

"That's cool. What do you guys do when you hang out?"

Drink, Sam first thought. Then she thought she should filter herself. Then she thought fuck it. "Mostly drink. There's this alien bar we go to."

Her dad shook his head. "That is so weird to hear you say. Not that it's not okay or anything! It's just…and I know I keep saying it but last time I saw you, you were seven. And now you're what? 22?" Sam nodded. "Wow. That just keeps blowing my mind."

"It's not so mind blowing for me so if we could stop talking about it, like all the time, that'd be awesome."

"Oh! Of course. I'm sorry. It really isn't an interesting fact at all to you. Just your age. It's all insanely interesting to me is all."

"I know, Dad, because you haven't been here. I get it. That doesn't mean I wanna keep talking about it or it needs to be brought up all the time. Trust me, we're all _very_ aware you haven't been here."

He looked surprised. Not mad though. Just surprised that Sam wasn't tip-toeing around him. It felt good not to too. It felt very Sam. She was proud of herself.

"Alright then. Noted." He set his burger down and awkwardly wiped his hand on his napkin. "It's kind of refreshing to have someone tell me how it is. Your mom did that last night but otherwise, everyone has just kinda treated me like glass."

"Well, yea. How else are they going to treat you? They found you chained in the back of a semi. That kind of screams fragile."

"I'm not though."

"Then stop bringing up that you were gone and need to do all this catching up. Just do it and act normal. They'll all start treating you normal."

"Speaking from experience?" Sam shrugged. "I talked more with your mom last night. She told me why you went to Howe."

Sam braced herself for a lecture. Something along the lines of what her mom gave her she was sure. That's not the way a Danvers acts, there are rules in life that need to be followed, there are better ways to solve problems than with her fists, on and on.

"I'm proud of you."

" _What?"_ Sam blurted.

"You protected your sister. That's what I wanted from you guys. To protect each other when I wasn't there to do it."

"That's not exactly what happened."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that we didn't protect 'each other,' we protected Kara. Mostly Alex protected her. Those last words of what you wanted didn't exactly go as you planned it."

"I don't understand."

Sam sighed. She didn't really want to get into it. That hatchet had already been buried. There was no reason to get back into it.

"Don't worry about it, Dad. We're all good. I don't want you to be proud of me because of that though. That was horrible. I was horrible. Be proud of something else." Sam checked her watch. She was two minutes late. "Shit. I gotta go. My lunch break is up and Wang is probably already gone."

She jumped up from her stool and grabbed her trash. She shoved it in the trash. Her dad watched her rush around, amused. She grabbed her cup. "Bye!"

"Bye Sam. I'll come down to see you in a bit!" He called out. Sam was already out of the med bay and rushing down the stairs.

Like she thought, Wang was nowhere to be found. She cursed the guy under her breath. He was a selfish asshole. Luckily, there was no J'onn or Alex anywhere. She was in the clear.


	85. Chapter 85

A few hours later, her dad came down like he said he would. He seemed a little more serious than before. It was hastily covered up, Sam still saw it.

"Hey Sam! How's the search going?"

"The same. Winn applied an updated search before he left but it hasn't picked up anything yet."

"Where did Winn go?"

"I don't know. I didn't ask. Probably to get dinner or something, see his weird girlfriend."

"Speaking of dinner, why don't you go get some? I'll keep an eye on this for you."

"I already ate but thanks. You should go find Alex. I'm sure she hasn't."

"I, uh, already talked to her. She's okay." He looked across the DEO. "Well, hey. Since you aren't busy can you do me a favor?"

She looked at him like he was crazy. He knew she couldn't exactly just up and leave the monitors. She'd been standing in the same place for the majority of the day watching the same picture on the same monitors. This wasn't something she was doing for fun.

"I'll watch the monitors. Don't worry! It's just…my key card is acting up. I asked J'onn about it and he said go down to the bottom level storage room to get another one but I don't know where that is. I looked for Winn but you just said he was at dinner. Do you think you could go down and get me a card so that I'm already for Winn when he gets back?"

Sam internally groaned. The bottom level storage room was awful. It was where all the non-combat items were stored. The DEO had a surprising amount of non-combat items. Enough that even when it was organized it was cluttered and impossible to find anything. This was no small favor. Not that her dad knew that. Nor should it matter.

"It's going to take me a while."

"Really? Nevermind then. I don't want to be an inconvenience. I'll just ask J'onn about it again."

"No, Dad. It's fine. I'll go. It might be nice to actually _do_ something for a little bit."

"You're sure?"

"Yea, I got it."

"Thanks Sammy. I really appreciate it."

"Noo problem, Dad." Sam dragged out, suppressing a sigh. Despite what she just said, she did not want to do this. Sure, it would be nice to move around a little but finding a key card, of all things, in the bottom level storage room was going to be god awful.

She took the elevator down then wound down the halls toward the storage room. The bottom level of the DEO was huge. It was double the size of the top half and where all the secret things were kept.

Sam opened the door to the storage room with her key card then groaned. She wasn't even sure where to start. Anywhere seemed a good place. Sam walked in and chose a self at random. Ni luck and several shelfs later, a beep caught her attention. Then J'onn's voice was coming over the intercom by the door.

 _"Sam. We found the bomb. Your team has already been deployed. We didn't have time to wait for you. Report to the computer bay for further instructions."_

"Fuck." Sam muttered. She shot up and ran to the intercom. Pressing a button, she responded. "Yes sir. I'm on my way."

 _"I sent Winn down to check our scanners at the mainframe. Assist him first."_ J'onn answered immediately. Sam had already started to leave. She turned back.

"Yes sir."

Sam took off at a jog. She had too far to go for a sprint; she wouldn't make it without having to stop. It still took her too long. When she came to the mainframe, it was to an unconscious Winn behind her dad and several knocked out agents between them.

She looked at the agents at her feet. Then back to Winn. Then at her dad. He hadn't expected to see her. Sam hadn't expected to see him.

She stepped forward, into his path to the mainframe entryway. Her eyes were drawn to the silver showing through his arm. There were so many questions. Right then, few of them mattered.

"What are you doing?"

"Sammy. Don't–"

"Don't call me that. Answer my question. What are you doing down here?"

"It doesn't matter. You shouldn't be here. You weren't _supposed_ to be here."

"It fucking matters, Dad!" Sam shouted. "What are you doing down here, at the mainframe where Winn saw you earlier _just looking at case files_? And what did you do to Winn!?"

"What I have to do. You don't understand, Sam. I have to go in there and you need to let me."

"No."

"Sam. I don't want to–"

"Then don't." Sam stared daggers into him. There were several different emotions swirling together but they only combined into anger. Sam's old friend. She clung to the searing in her hands and chest. She clenched her jaw and fists.

"You don't understand." He braced himself and Sam did the same. She knew the way his stance was shifting; his cybernetic arm came up. "I don't have a choice!"

He lunged at her. Sam sidestepped and threw her shoulder into him. He grunted but didn't move as much as she thought he would. His bionic hand clamped onto her shoulder and she yelped. His fingers digging painfully into her.

He tossed her like she weighed nothing. Sam hit the wall she had been facing. Instead of staying on the ground, she pushed herself up and got in his way again.

"Move. I don't want to hurt you! I _have_ to do this."

Sam didn't answer him. She remained in his way. There was a tickle on the side of her face. She brought a hand up to brush blood away. Her collision with the wall was harder than she thought.

"Please Sammy."

"I said," Sam grounded out, "don't call me that."

Before she could do much more, a green blur went by her. J'onn stopped directly in front of her. A position of protection. He didn't say anything before attacking her dad.

The men went at it. Her dad doing more than just holding his own. When he threw J'onn away, and the martian struggled getting up, Sam jumped back in.

Learning from her initial attack, Sam didn't bother trying to knock him away from the mainframe console. Instead, she jumped onto his back and locked her arms around his neck in a rare naked hold. It didn't seem to phase him much.

His hands pried her arms off easily. Sam cried out at the pressure. It was more than when he had her shoulder. Once again, he threw her across the room. With more force than before. Sam hit one of the large computers that made up the mainframe walls. Her breath was forced out and she crumpled to the ground, gasping to get it back.

More fighting was happening around her but Sam couldn't do more than struggle to breath. She'd had the wind knocked out of her before but never like that. The most she could work in were half gasps that did nothing for her lungs. There was some gun fire, making Sam jump and gasp, forcing in air when she couldn't. Then it was all quiet.

After what felt like an eternity, someone was rolling Sam onto her back from her fetal position. It was Alex. Her sister leaned in close and put her hands half on Sam's neck and half on her cheeks, forcing her to look Alex in the eye.

"Calm down, Sam. You just got the wind knocked out of you. You're going to be okay. Breathe with me, okay?" Alex made a show of inhaling. "In and out," She exhaled slowly.

Sam did her best to copy Alex. For several seconds, nothing changed. Then slowly, it got a little easier to breath. Enough that Sam wasn't gasping and panicking.

"There we go."

Alex looked on the verge of exploding. She was closed off and her face was tight. She knew. Sam didn't have to say anything. Not that she could. It was still taking everything she had just to fill her lungs.

"Let's get you up to Mom." Alex looked behind her. "Kara, how's J'onn?"

"Just a little banged up. He'll be fine. Sam?" Kara's voice seemed far away.

"Come help me with her."

Thanks to her super speed, Kara was on Sam's other side in a second. "Hey. Easy now." Kara said as she helped Alex pull her to her feet. She looked sad but still determined. A lot like she had after her argument with Alex. All that morphed to concern as she listened to Sam wheeze. "Is she okay?"

"She will be. Just the air knocked out of her."

There was nothing 'just' about how Sam felt. She would've said as much if she could. Or if there weren't more pressing matters to attend to. She let her sisters help her up to the med bay.

They didn't get Sam to their mom though. Parker was jogging up, tablet in hand; a very Winn look. It made Sam remember that Winn had been down there too. She wondered where he was now, if he was okay.

"We pinpointed him. He's on the move though. If you guys want to catch him, you need to go now."

There was no wondering who Parker was referring to. Sam knew and Sam wanted in. She shrugged out of Alex and Kara's hold. She felt a little unsteady on her feet, a side effect of not breathing properly but she did her best to hide it.

"Let's go." She said.

"No." Alex commanded. Sam turned to her. Hard and ready to fight for the right to go after their dad with them. "You have to stay here. You need to get checked out and we can't afford to wait for you."

"I deserve to go."

"You do. But we. Can't. Wait. For. You."

"You're not leaving me here." Sam sucked in a stuttering breath. This was already taking a lot out of her. There was no way she could go but that didn't matter.

"We are." Alex turned to Parker, done with Sam. If her breathing wasn't becoming a bigger and bigger problem, Sam would've chased the argument. Kara grabbed her by the elbow and rubbed her back.

"Slow breaths, Sam."

She wanted to shove Kara off. Rage and yell and demand to go. But she couldn't even focus on what Alex was saying to Parker. She did manage to step away from Kara and work some air into her lungs. She nodded to Kara so she wouldn't worry so much. By the look on her face, it didn't do much.

"Stay here. Get checked out and we'll fill you in when we get back." Alex told her before walking off.

Sam started to follow but Parker stopped her. At first with just a hand on her arm that pulled her around to face him. When she tried to turn back and leave, he grabbed her shoulder.

"Let me _go_." Sam growled. She pulled against Parker's hands. They shouldn't have felt so heavy. She shouldn't be struggling to get air in. None of that mattered. Her condition was the very last thing to matter.

"No. Despite the fact that you _physically can't_ , I have orders to keep you here from the original Agent Danvers who scares me. I'm not going against her. You're staying."

"No, you dipshit. The 'original Agent Danvers' is the reason I have to go."

Parker's face crumbled a bit, realizing what he said. It was brief. Then his resolve was back up and his grip tightened. Sam sucked in what air she could. It was starting to get old that she still couldn't shake the hit she took.

"Samantha, you need to come sit down. I need to check you out."

Her mom's voice threatened to shatter her walls. Sam could feel the tears behind her eyes, the lump in her throat, and a wobble in her legs. Not what she needed.

Surprising Parker, Sam whipped around. "How can you say that? Just ask me to sit down like nothing happened?"

"Because that is our only option."

"No, it isn't!"

"Yes, Sam. It is." Parker answered, placing a tentative hand on her shoulder. She shrugged it off with an aggressive elbow that came close to clipping him in the chin.

"Your sisters are taking care of it. You're hurt and I need to see how badly. Come here please."

The calmness of tone was too much. It felt wrong that her mom seemed to already accept this. Why wasn't she fighting this? Maybe the only reason Sam was fighting was because that's the only way she knows how to cope.

"Come on, Sam." Winn called out from the other med bay table. "I've got my tablet up. I'm gonna link it to both Alex and Kara. We can track them. We'll know what's going on."

That was at least something. She wouldn't be completely out of the loop. Another labored breath made Sam realize that she'd really be of no help in the field. This was the best she could manage at the moment.

Her mom met her half way, taking her arm at the wrist and elbow. Help that Sam didn't realize she needed until it was offered. "Hop up and sit as straight as possible to keep your airways open. Winn said you got the air knocked out of you."

Sam nodded. That last hit had been nasty. It was unreal that she was still reeling from it. The air had been knocked out of her before but not like this. A cyborg had never knocked the air out of her though. That factor seemed to take it into its own category.

One of her mom's hands pushed against her collar bone, keeping Sam up-right. The other felt along her spin, around to the front of her ribs. Then, both hands went to her shoulders and made their way up her neck. Her mom pushed along the base of her head. She seemed satisfied with whatever she found.

Next, Sam was being handed a ventilation mask. Instead of putting it on, she stared dumbly at it. A crackling from Winn's tablet pulled her attention away. Pieces of what was unmistakably Alex and Kara talking came through.

"Put it on, dear." Her mom said quietly, taking the mask from her hands and putting it on for Sam.

It was weird breathing with the mask on. Nothing felt different except for the air she was taking in. A sensation Sam wasn't sure how to explain.

"What's going on?" Sam pulled the mask away enough to ask.

"I don't know. My signal keeps getting jammed but I'm working around it."

Sam's vision was then dominated by her mother and various swabs and gauze. She must have been more banged up than she felt. Which was saying something. The gauze her mom pulled away was drenched in blood. Her mom met her eyes and answered the question there.

"Just a shallow cut. More blood than damage, don't worry."

With her breathing getting easier, Sam was able to take in her surroundings. A few other agents were in the med bay being treated. Her mom left her to tend to as many of them as she could on her own. Sam knew that habit; losing themselves in work was a Danvers family tradition.

Parker was standing by her med table. His chin was tilted up as he tried to see what was happening on Winn's tablet. Sam watched him shift and strain and stretch to see. Even through all of the bullshit that night, Parker was still by her side. It wasn't enough to deflect the blow she had just been dealt but Sam knew that in time, him being there would make her feel better.

He caught her eye and stopped trying to see Winn's tablet. The smile given to her was apologetic. Not that Sam knew why. If anything, she owed him an apology. It wasn't going to happen anytime soon though.

"Your sisters are going to figure this out." Sam didn't answer him. "I've never seen anyone with the same completion rate as them. They'll get this all sorted and be back in no time."

"You don't know what you're talking about." Sam's words were muffled from the mask.

He shook his head. "I don't, not really, but I believe they'll get it sorted. For better or for worse but what I do know is that you'll be fine. No matter what, you'll be okay, Sam."

"Yea." Winn chimed in. Sam had looked away from Parker, to Winn, to defuse what she was feeling. Wrong move. She should've stuck with looking out of the med bay windows or something. "I've never seen a family so strong. I won't lie, this really sucks but you guys will get through it. Together. You'll pull each other through it if you have to."

Their words were too much. Sam had been actively blocking out all of the hurt from her dad betraying them. Listening to the guys tell her how strong her family was, that'll get through yet another loss was more than she was willing to handle. Unfortunately, it didn't seem to matter much what Sam was willing to feel.

Her breathing began to hiccup and her eyes blurred with tears. She tore the mask away to better breath.

Parker gave a quiet, panicked "Oh."

A hand rested gently on her shoulder before two very different arms wrapped around her. Sam was too lost in her breakdown to register who it was until she was pulled onto a shoulder and inhaled, in preparation for her next sob, her mom's coconut shampoo. Then she registered the quiet murmurs above her ear.

"It's going to be okay, Samantha. I'm right here. We're going to be okay."

Sam's hands fisted in her mom's shirt, pulling her closer. She turned her head more into the embrace. If she tried hard enough, she could pretend that the outside world wasn't there.

As quickly as they came, the tears left. Sam was in no rush to pull away but when her breathing was almost normal, her mom did. Her hands went to Sam's shoulders then her cheeks. Her mom gave a pained and watery smile. That alone almost sent Sam spiraling back into tears and sobs.

She had never thought what this must feel like for her mom. The heartbreak of losing her husband once when he had no say in the matter. Then losing him again due to his betrayal.

"We will be okay." Her mom told her, forcefully, as she brushed her cheeks with her thumbs. Sam nodded through a wince at the pressure near her cut. "Sorry sweetie. I take it you can breathe normally again?"

"Yea."

"Good. You're free to go get cleaned up then." Sam opened her mouth to argue but her mom cut her off. "I will send someone to get you if there's any news. I'm not asking you to go home, Samantha. Just go shower and change. I asked Parker to get your extra uniform from Alex's lab."

"How'd you know I had an extra uniform?"

"I've been working out of that lab for two days now. You don't really know me if you think I didn't take inventory the first hour I was in there." Sam smiled at the joke.

Her mom shooed her out of the med bay. Sam went willingly. She ached and the thought of a hot shower was already a relief. Parker stopped her on the way and handed her the clothes without saying anything. He smiled though, soft and without any traces of apology. It was still a little sad. Sam discarded that observation, pulling up her walls and letting them block out her own thoughts.

The water stung her cheek but otherwise was a god-send. The knots in her shoulders eased, at least momentarily, and the steamed kept everything as foggy as she was trying to keep her mind. Sam lost track of the time she spent under the water.

Finally, she dragged herself out. Her walls no longer holding up against the nagging of her thoughts. She was too worried about her sisters and what they were facing to pretend any longer. She tried to tell herself that it had nothing to do with her dad. It was all Alex and Kara. She'd cling to the belief in that lie.

Parker was in the hallway, waiting for her. He pushed off the wall when she came out. "They found him."

"And?"

He shook his head. "They're on their way back."

"Thanks." She breathed out.

"Is there anything I can do?"

"No." Sam shook her head after she answered. She felt as disjointed as her answer. "Does my mom know?"

"No. J'onn thought it would be better to wait until we know more. He didn't want you to know either but I thought you should."

It made sense. And she was thankful that Parker didn't make her wait too. Sam deflated even more. She had no more fight in her. Not about her dad. She was exhausted. She ached and her chest hurt.

"What's their ETA?"

"Soon but I'm not real sure."

"Okay."

Sam walked past Parker toward the main floor. She'd wait for her sisters, hear what happened, and take this step by step. That's all she knew how to do.


	86. Chapter 86

J'onn was up and back in command. He looked at Sam when she walked on to the floor, empathy and remorse in his eyes. She looked back, not bothering to hide anything. It wouldn't take a mind-reader to know she knew. Sam was aware it was all over her.

He walked over and put a hand on her shoulder. The fatherly-ness of it hurt. He didn't say anything. Sam was thankful for that. He squeezed her shoulder then patted it twice. His hand dropped but before he could walk away, Alex and Kara were walking down the front steps.

Winn, talking loudly on the phone walked by at the same time. He quickly got off the phone and jogged up to her sisters. "Hey! Hey, hey. Any luck?"

"No." Kara answered. "We lost him." J'onn made his way over with Sam slowly following. Sam looked at Alex, noted her lack of response to Winn's question. She looked as checked out as Sam felt, which didn't mean anything good.

"I'm sorry guys." Winn answered. Alex looked down and away from him. Kara looked to J'onn.

"On your feet already?" Kara asked J'onn.

"No time to waste." J'onn turned to Winn. "Any idea what he stole from us?" Sam closed her eyes like the words might strike her. Then squeezed them a little tighter as J'onn added, "What he gave to Cadmus?"

"Not yet. No" Winn answered, rubbing at his neck. "I gotta go check down on the mainframe and then once I get the systems back up and running, I can run a diagnostics check–"

"Quick as you can." J'onn interrupted. "I want to know what we're up against."

"Yes sir." Winn answered. Sam watched him walk away. J'onn turned to her sisters and she continued to track Winn. "How are you both?"

There was a pause that brought Sam back to the conversation. Kara looked at Alex then, when it was clear she wasn't going to say anything, answered. "It's been hard."

"Alex?" J'onn asked.

Alex looked at him without responding. Her eyes went behind J'onn then back. "Excuse me."

All three left there turned to see where Alex was going. Their mom was walking out. Concern and disappointment on her face. Sam knew she knew. Parker must have told her.

Sam was vaguely aware of J'onn and Kara talking. There was nothing in her own mind; a preferable alternative to listening to them talk. Sam did catch the end of it; only Kara saying, "That it's going to change everything."

"It will." J'onn replied. He placed a hand on Kara's shoulder and his other reached to lay on Sam's forearm. She looked down at his hand. "It'll make us stronger."

J'onn walked away before Sam could step out of the contact. She looked up to find Kara looking at her. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine." Sam rushed on before Kara could ask anything else, "But listen, I need to go…check in with Parker. So, I'll, uh, talk to you later."

"Okay." Kara answered even though Sam was already walking away.

There was no reason to find Parker. Sam just needed an out. She needed to deal before she dealt with other people. It was less dealing and more processing. Sam knew what could happen if she didn't give herself some time.

She found herself in an empty training room. With the door closed, Sam sat with her back against it. There wouldn't be any more tears. Those had come and gone. Sam wasn't really much for crying. A few times in her life she had. Not even when she had gotten shot.

What surprised her was the lack of reaction. It was all blank. No thoughts to latch onto and let carry her away into distraction or conclusion. She felt numb and empty. A few wisps of vague emotion were there but they were too distant to examine.

Everything she wanted to believe about her dad was a lie. He wasn't the man she thought she remembered. He betrayed them. For Cadmus. He had _used_ them. He prayed on their daddy issues to get what Cadmus wanted. The disappointment kept the anger at bay. Disappointment in him and in herself.

Eventually, Sam got up. There was only one way through this. Well. There were two; a quick fix and the more long term one. A stiff drink tonight and refusing to take it laying down for every day and night after this one. No falling apart.

Before she could get that drink, there were two people who needed her more. Sam hastily corrected herself. Three people. There were three people she needed to check in with.

The first was probably up in the med bay distracting herself with work. The original work-obsessed, emotion-avoiding Danvers. Sam made her way up to the main med bay. There were no patients but her mom was still in there. She was cleaning down all the surface tops. Various tools were drying by the sink.

"Hey Mom."

Her mom turned with a tired smile. "Hi honey. How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay. You?"

She got a shrug in answer, that tired smile still in place. "Is there a right answer to that question?"

"The easy one would be that you're fine."

"But I'm not and I won't make a liar out of myself after all these years."

Fair enough, Sam thought. Her mom was anything but a liar. Sometimes at the detriment of their relationship.

That was as far as Sam got in her check-up plan. On the best of days, she wasn't too good at this. Maybe every once in a while she could get lucky and say the right things but tonight, after everything, Sam felt too drained to find the right things.

They stood quietly. Her eyes didn't stay on her mom. They dropped and strayed, not really focused on anything. They snapped back up as her mom took control of the conversation.

"You don't need to check up on me, honey. I appreciate it but I've been through this once before. The details might be different but the outcome is the same. I'll get through this. You go on and take care of yourself. Make sure you get through this too."

"Are you sure?"

"I am."

"Okay." Sam turned to leave but stopped at her mom calling her name.

"And Samantha? I'm here for _you_ if you need me. I love you." Her mom walked up to Sam and opened her arms. Sam stepped into them and hugged her mom back. For the second time that night, and for the second time in a long, long time, she found real comfort in the act.

"Love you too, Mom."

One down, two to go.

Sam made her way from the DEO. Everything felt slow. Time dripped by. Her movements were sluggish. Her thoughts were dragging.

The night was cold and foggy and rainy. It felt appropriate. A physical representation of what Sam was feeling. She distracted herself without meaning to on how perfect the weather was for the night they were all having. Each slow, distracted step taking her further into the heart of National City.

Sam knocked on the door, a slight shiver shaking her body. She was thankful to be inside after her walk. Another knock. A response would be nice but she wasn't expecting it. Not after tonight. Really, she wondered why she was even trying. At the same time, she was asking herself why it had taken her so long to check up on her big sister. She knocked again.

"Alex?"

Nothing. Alex had never asked for her key back; Sam still had it. Using it felt wrong in the moment. It felt like she was encroaching on Alex's space.

Sam pushed past that feeling. Tonight wasn't the time to respect boundaries. It was all about making sure her sisters were okay. They had been much too invested and excited about their dad's return to be handling it as well as it seemed they were at the DEO. Sam hadn't been half as enthused then and now she felt crushed. There was no way they were handling it at all.

So, instead of turning around and respecting the no answer, Sam slid the key in and pushed the door open slowly. She peeked her head around first, one knuckle knocking again.

"Alex?" Her sister was standing at her kitchen island. An empty glass and capped bottle of bourbon in front of her. Sam continued talking, gently, "Hey."

No answer. It didn't seem like the lack of physical walls between them was going to improve communication. That was expected. This was Alex. The one and the same Alex who took their dad's parting words to heart and then some. The same Alex who devoted her life to finding the man. The same Alex who put everything on her shoulders and refused to share the burden, especially when it came to shouldering the blame.

The door shut softly but the click sounded loud in the apartment. Sam scratched at her temple then ran her hand through her hair. She wasn't quite sure where to start this. The person Alex really needed right now was Maggie, or maybe Kara. Anyone who wasn't just as emotionally stunted as she was.

Sam stood there. Unsure and silent. Alex braced her hands on the island and shifted her weight forward. Her head hung down, then she sighed. She looked at Sam.

"I guess this makes me a hypocrite."

Sam looked at the alcohol then back at Alex and shrugged. "You know I'll be the last one to judge you for that. This is just a pit stop on my way to the bar."

Alex nodded slowly. She pulled the bottle closer and twisted off the cap but didn't pour herself any. Her hands went back to the counter top. She seemed to be trying to stop herself or talk herself out of the drink. Sam admired it but she knew Alex would cave. There was no real reason not to.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Sam asked, only because she didn't know what else to ask.

Alex scoffed. "'Do I wanna talk about it?' Talk about what? That our dad wasn't being held hostage by Cadmus for 15 years, he was actually working for them? Sure, Sam. Let's fucking dive right in. Did you wanna start?"

Usually, that tone would set Sam off. She'd raise to the bait but she knew that was what it was: bait. Alex wanted a fight. She wanted some outlet for the disappointment and betrayal and hurt she felt. Sam didn't fault her for it. She knew that desire better than anyone. It was probably the only thing keeping her from giving it to Alex.

She couldn't stop herself from replying with the only truth they had. "We don't know what happened."

"Yes, we do. Don't be delusional."

"I'm not. He told you he was doing this for us. In some messed up way, he's still who you thought he was." That wasn't her truth but she knew Alex needed to hear it. For Sam, at the moment, that was enough. She'd deal with her truth of what happened later on her own. If she got Alex through then Alex would get her through.

"You said yourself that you don't even remember him. Stop trying to comfort me with something you know nothing about." Alex snapped.

That hurt. It hurt because it was true and it hurt because Alex meant it to. A cold anger seeped from her chest. Alex glared at her, hoping that Sam would lash back.

She did her best not to. Not that Sam was going to take that lying down. The success of keeping a neutral tone was minimal but it was at least at a level tone. Tonight wasn't the night for yelling.

"Fuck off, Alex. If you want to sit in here and pout and feel sorry for yourself, be my guest but I won't stay and let you take it out on me. I came to see how you were doing. I've fulfilled my sisterly duty or whatever."

"Sam, wai–"

"No. You aren't the only one fucked up over this, Alex! You don't have some monopoly on daddy issues. We've all got 'em and we all have to deal with them. This," Sam motioned toward Alex, "is you avoiding it. You suck at avoidance and you're shit company when you try. I'm leaving. I'll check back in some other time but I'm done with you tonight. Hopefully you're less of a bitch then."

Sam didn't stick around for Alex to stop her and Alex didn't try. That cold anger was starting to heat up and she didn't like what that might lead to. As much as she was feeling, Sam didn't want to go back down the bitter sisters road. They worked too hard for this to derail them.

She stopped, one foot out the door. "If Maggie comes over you better not act like this. You need someone, and it's her."


	87. Chapter 87

After that conversation with Alex, Sam wanted a beer. Or something stronger. Most likely something stronger.

Telling Alex she was a pit stop on the way to the bar wasn't just something to make her feel better about her own decision to drink. Sam had made that decision before she got there and Alex trying to start a fight only made her want to get to the bar faster. There just happened to be one more stop before there'd be too much ice and Coke in her glass.

The walk to Kara's wasn't long. It was enough to let her think, to figure out the swirling confusion in Sam's heart and head. A much needed introspection.

She found that her _soul_ ached because of everything that happened. It ached because her dad was gone but, more than that, it ached because of Alex and Kara and their mom. They all had to live through it again. That seemed worse to Sam. Numb was bad too, she knew that but she was content with feeling numb. Or, more accurately, she was content with not knowing what she was actually feeling. She'd fill her conscious thoughts with supporting her sisters and hopefully that would get her through. The bar stool calling her name at the alien bar would tell a different story but she'd cross that bridge when she got to it.

There was no hesitance to go in like at Alex's when Sam got to Kara's. A whole different beast would be waiting on the other side. Instead of claws and aggression, this beast would be cowering in a corner and need coaxing back out. Kara was bound to be teary and sulky. Sam was no better at dealing with Kara than she was Alex but there was nothing to fear with Kara. There could only be an argument if Sam instigated it. She had no intention of that tonight.

Sam let herself in and called out, "You home?"

The TV was on but that didn't mean anything. Kara left the news running almost none stop in her apartment. Sam looked around; she almost missed the blonde head sticking out of the blanket cocoon on the couch. She smiled, a little sadly, at the sight.

A muffled "in here" answered her.

"You good?" Sam asked as she sat on Kara's coffee table.

There was some movement under the blanket, an up then down. Sort of like a shrug. Then Kara was shuffling her way out until her entire head and shoulders were visible.

She shrugged. "I guess." Sam raised an eyebrow and tipped her chin down. "Okay, fine. No, I'm not good. Are you?"

"No."

"Well good talk. That really aired things out for us."

"Don't get sassy. No one is in the mood for that tonight."

"Sorry. You're right." Kara sighed. "Did you check on Alex? She isn't responding to me."

Sam nodded. "She'll be okay. She's…handling it."

"That doesn't sound good."

"No. It doesn't. But don't worry about her, worry about you."

Kara frowned. She looked past Sam to the TV. "I'm worried about all of us. And Jeremiah."

"Don't be." Sam was just able to keep the bite out of her voice. Her walls were up. That didn't mean that Kara had to write off their dad too. She admired her sister's ability to maintain faith in people. "Just worry about you."

"What does that even mean?!" Kara groaned out the last two words and dropped her head back to the couch arm.

"It means, what do you need to be okay?" Kara's eyes, when they came back to Sam, were so sad. Calling them puppy eyes was more appropriate than ever in that moment. It made Sam realize just how much her own heart was broken. Now, what little of it was left, broke for her family.

Kara had wanted to save their dad because she felt like it was her fault he was gone in the first place. Now, not only had he disappeared but he was…well, evil. For lack of a better word. Or, at least, willingly working with the bad guys. For Kara, that was a worse fate than death.

"I need someone to be here with me."

"Not me?" Kara shook her head. "Ya know, it's okay to want him around. You like Mon-El and he likes you and that's fine."

"It doesn't feel fine."

"No. You _think_ it doesn't feel fine but it is. And, anyways, stop thinking. Just do what feels okay tonight. We all need a little more okay in our lives right now because, I don't know about you but I feel a long way away from okay."

A little more chipped off of Sam's armor. First, she dealt with Alex's anger, the disappointment. That shed a light on her own. Then she admitted to Kara that she wasn't okay. She was dealing with Kara's sadness and it was shining a light on Sam's. Not an emotion Sam was every good at feeling. Now, she was telling Kara that it was okay to want to be okay. All because none of them were. The whole being there for her sisters as her own avoidance tactic was not working how she wanted.

There were no more tears though. All that she felt was empty space. It would harden. Make her stronger. Or, more bitter. Time would tell and that scared Sam.

She felt, in the moment, sturdy, surprisingly. There were supports for her to get through this. Alex and Kara. She had Parker and then the whole Super Friend crew. Sam was no longer flailing in the dark. It made everything feel different. Not better per say but manageable. It was only the time and its unpredictability that scared her.

The nod Kara gave her was small, nearly missed. Sam looked to either side on the table then grabbed Kara's phone to hand it to her. "Text him. I know he'll be here if you tell him you want him to be."

Kara took the phone and started texting. She looked up as Sam stood up. "Where are you gonna go? You could stay."

Sam shook her head. "I'm gonna go get a drink."

"Sam…"

"No, it's okay. It's not like that. I just…don't want to be at my place but I still kinda want to be alone, and I definitely need a drink after all this."

" _A_ drink?"

"Just one if you want."

"What I want is for you to be okay. More than one drink doesn't always keep it that way, ya know?"

"I already said I wasn't okay." It was a lame joke but all she had. Sam shrugged it off. "I'll take it easy, don't worry. I'm not in the mood to get shit faced."

"Good." Kara paused. "Well, no. That's not good but it's good that you aren't going to get that drunk."

Sam held up a hand. "I know what you meant. No worries."

"Okay. Be safe, Sam, and call if you need me to come get you!"

"We both know I won't."

Sam left Kara to her phone and let herself out. She took a second right outside the door to gather herself. All her strength was sapped from those three stops. Her mom and her tired acceptance. Alex and her defeated anger. Kara and her aching sadness. Sam wasn't sure what she had left after that.


	88. Chapter 88

**A/N: The Branx are dull-witted warrior aliens with four arms. The one I mention is an outsider from his planet. Smarter than most of his species and less aggressive. He's been on Earth, at the bar, for a long time. Just an FYI. Thanks for reading!**

Walking seemed like an awfully painful way to get to the bar. Especially after walking to Alex's then Kara's. Sam was tempted to go back up and ask Kara to drop her off. That was only going to happen if Sam had lost all dignity and had ever let Kara fly her anywhere. Which she never had. It wasn't going to happen now. Instead, she got an uber in which she successfully glared the driver into silence.

The alien bar wasn't exactly dead but it felt empty; maybe it was the lack of any Super Friend that made it seem sparse. Usually Winn or Mon-El at the very least were lurking around some corner of the bar.

It felt weird but preferable. Super Friends meant Sam would have to talk and process and decompress. She'd done enough of that with her sisters. The bar was her sacred place. It was for drinking until she was actually numb. Or numb enough. Her mom turned to work as would Alex eventually. Kara turned to people. Sam turned to a drink.

A little nagging in the back of her head reminded her that tonight, it hadn't been quite that simple. It wasn't just a drink she had turned to. There were stops along the way.

She claimed a stool at an end of the bar with the least amount of people. Luckily, Gudrun was tending. He had always served Sam well. She wouldn't be forgotten on the outskirts. The Branx walked up tentatively. One of his arms reached for a glass, the other going for a beer tap while his third wiped down the bar top in front of Sam.

"Sam." He tipped his head in greeting. "Heard about what happened."

That didn't bode well, for DEO internal security or Sam's likelihood of being served. She ground her teeth to keep from reacting. Gudrun had always been good to her. She'd give him the benefit of the doubt on what would be said next.

"I was sorry to hear about your dad. He was well liked around here back in the day."

The comment hit Sam stupid. She blinked owlishly at Gudrun. Her dad frequented the alien bar? That seemed unlikely.

"Not that I knew him. Folks here talked, said he always tried to make the DEO go more lenient on the aliens they picked up. It's a shame that Cadmus brainwashed him or whatever it is that they did." Oh. That was…unexpected. "I'm sorry. You probably don't want to talk about it. What can I get ya? First one's on me."

"Uh…" Sam answered. She was still reeling from his comment. "Sorry, uh, root beer and a shot of Fireball."

"That it?"

"For now."

Gudrun set the two different sized glasses in front of her. Sam threw the shot back and let it burn its way down. It had a clarifying effect. She drank her pop slowly after that. It was the first she'd had without something mixed in it in a long while. It tasted off. Gudrun was quick with a follow up shot. Habit had Sam throwing it back too.

Things stayed pretty blank upstairs for Sam. She focused on the sounds of the bar. Pool balls cracking, the low murmur of voices punctuated by some short lived outburst, glass cups connecting with the solid wood bar top, the TV droning on behind it all. The slow and steady burn of cinnamon whiskey was the only sensation she let herself feel.

Not long had passed before there was a hand pulling Sam around by the shoulder. She tensed, instinct preparing her for a fight. A pair of light murky green eyes were boring into her. They were sharp and focused, a hint of a smile on the woman's face.

"Danvers?" The short brunette asked. Realizing it for an Alex mix-up, Sam rolled her eyes and turned back around.

"Nope."

"What?" The woman moved to Sam's side, intent on keeping the conversation going. That was the last thing Sam wanted. She took a slow drink to control the tempo of conversation. The woman didn't push for a quicker answer but Sam could see her impatience.

"I said no." She replied evenly. "And I'd rather not talk about anything remotely related to that name so please go away."

"But you're a Danvers."

She was not backing down. Or taking a hint. Sam rolled her eyes again. This time annoyed that her spot at the bar was not screaming isolation to this woman.

"You're looking for Alex, right? Well, listen, I'm not her and she isn't really taking any visitors right now. Come back in like a week. Or better yet, wait a month."

Sam put just enough venom in her tone to politely tell the woman to fuck off. Instead, it only seemed to invite her in. Sam watched as she slid onto the stool next to Sam and motioned down to Gudrun.

"Can we get another round? I'll have what she's having." The woman turned back to Sam. "What exactly are you having?"

Sam didn't answer. To her surprise, dismay, absolute shock the woman reached for Sam's drink and took a sip.

"Root beer?" She asked in disbelief. She shrugged with a half smile. "Looks like it's a root beer kind of night then."

Gudrun was quick with the next round. He even set two shots down at which Sam's company smirked. "That's more like it."

Sam ignored her and tossed it back. Yet again she let it go down on its own. She hoped it would be intimidating. Not that Fireball was a particularly hard whiskey. To her surprise, the woman did the same. With her shot glass placed on the lip on the bar, top down, she turned to Sam.

"So why don't I know you?"

This weird social moment was aggravating. Wrong night for it. She tried her best to be gentle as she once again tried to politely tell the woman to leave her alone. The fact that she knew Alex was the only thing saving this woman from having her head ripped off.

"Yea. Listen, on a good day this might be entertaining but I'm really not in the mood for strangers talking to me."

"But you are a Danvers right? That's what I'm getting here. I know–"

"Oh my god, lady! Go away. I fucking said I wasn't in the mood."

Sam wasn't sure if it was her assertive mannerisms or how unaware she was of what she was intruding on that had Sam on the verge of screaming at this woman but enough was enough. Sam wanted to be alone. Not chatted up by someone she didn't know.

"Woah." The woman picked her hands up from where they rested on the bar and put them up in front of her. "Calm down there, Cujo. I was only trying to ask about my friends, not get my head bitten off. Why don't we try this again?"

"I don't care what you were trying to do. I'm trying to not lose my shit, which congradu-fucking-lations, you made that happen."

Sam snatched her wallet out of her back pocket, ripped some bills out and threw them on the bar. She made eye contact with Gudrun who gave a quick wave. Then she turned her most intense glare onto the woman.

Only making the matter worse, she seemed amused by the display. But also like she was trying to hide that fact. It was infuriating. Sam wanted to say something. Tell her to fuck off for real but it didn't seem worth it.

Sam turned and walked straight into someone. Her day, her night, the woman. It all came out. Sam placed her hands on the chest of the guy she ran into and shoved.

"Watch where you're fucking going." She spat.

He rose to the bait, stepping back up to Sam. "What did you–"

"Woah now." Suddenly Winn was there. He stepped awkwardly between Sam and the man. He put most of his effort into pushing Sam back. He gave a few nervous chuckles. "How about we don't do this? Huh? I think that seems like a really good idea."

"Back up, Brian." Winn's girlfriend commanded. "Or do you not remember the last Danvers you messed with? The one with the stool."

Sam glared over Winn at the guy. She had no idea what Lyra was talking about but she really hoped this Brian didn't remember. Now that she was feeling and had a few shots in her, she wanted this. Her hands ached for something to do.

With Lyra there, Winn turned and used both hands to back Sam up. He spoke quietly to her, "Come on, Sam. Not tonight, okay? You don't really want to do this."

"Don't tell me what I want." Sam snapped at him but she did stopped fighting his guiding hands.

She let Winn push her out of the bar. Once in the alley, he didn't seem to know what to do. He stopped and put his hands in his pockets.

"Go home, Sam. The bar isn't anywhere to be after today. Just go home and go to sleep. Tomorrow's a new day."

A new day with the same horrible reality. Sam didn't mention that detail to Winn though. Nor did she admit that she didn't want to go home to her empty apartment. Sam didn't say anything to Winn. She turned and walked out of the alley.

There was no destination in mind. Her feet continued to move without any thought. Block after block went by. Parts of her walk were familiar. Others, Sam had no idea where she was. When she made it to the bay, she moved with purpose.

Twice Sam had gone to the bay walk loop with Maggie. After each time, she had felt more in control of her life. Or at the very least, that she had a clearer view of what was going on. If Sam could get that, it would be enough.

The last 34 hours felt like a dream. Too much happened. Too much good, too much bad. It had Sam feeling like she was flailing. Then there were those few hours of control, when she was herself and it had gone well. Then it had all gone to shit. Sam needed something. Maybe she could find it on some park bench in true isolation, because Winn was right. The bar was no place to be after the day they had all had.


	89. Chapter 89

**A/N: I am so stinking excited about where this is going! So...TWO POSTS IN ONE DAY! WOO! Also. I don't think I'm gonna be able to post at all from Thursday through the weekend. Tomorrow morning, and maybe tomorrow evening, will be my last two for a while. But, I go on break next week so I'll be able to get some more writing in! Guys. I'm so excited about this. I hope I'm not hyping it too much! As always, thanks for reading!**

The night passed Sam by. Slowly, the sky brightened to a dull grey. Then a hazy purple with streaks of pink and finally a bright blue. A few people started to make their way around the loop. None of them paid Sam any mind. She envied how they had no idea what was going on in her life. She wondered what their problems were. Everyone had at least one.

Her musings were interrupted by a buzzing in her pocket and on her wrist. She flipped her wrist to see 'WORK' on the screen of her watch. Part of her really wanted to ignore the call. But the part that liked her job was to blame for Sam's wooden movements to pull her phone out and put it to her ear.

"Danvers."

 _"We need you to come in. J'onn will brief you when you get here."_

"ASAP or do I have some time?"

There was a pause over the line. _"You have some time but not much. Do what you need to but get here quickly."_

"Got it."

Sam hung up. She had no idea who she had just spoken to. It wasn't Winn or Parker or Vasquez. They were usually on call duty. She let herself try to figure it out as she made her way home. Just for a change of clothes. She didn't need anything else.

The DEO was all hustle and bustle. Everyone was in a hurry to get somewhere. Sam wondered if Winn got the mainframe back on. It didn't seem like it.

Parker went jogging by but stopped when he noticed Sam. "Hey. J'onn needs you in the conference room."

"Why?"

"Dunno. Winn is in there too even though we're having trouble getting back online. We need him but J'onn won't budge on it." A beeping from Parker's hand had him swearing. "I gotta go."

He jogged off and Sam went to figure out why she was being called in. She thought her missing father being rescued then going rouge warranted a day off. Not to mention her shift wouldn't start for a few hours anyway.

Several people were in the conference room. J'onn, Winn, a few other agents. Sam recognized them from the med bay last night. To Sam's dismay, standing next to J'onn was the woman who wouldn't leave Sam alone last night.

She wasn't smiling though. She wasn't even looking at Sam at all. Not until J'onn drew her attention to her. "Sam, good morning. Take a seat and we can get started."

As she took her seat, Sam looked the woman over. Last night she had been much more casual. Sweater and jeans. Now she was all business. Blazer and slacks.

The woman didn't smile at Sam. Not like the night before but she did seem to soften a bit. Lose a bit of her severe seriousness. Once Sam was seated, she looked around at the people in the room with her. Winn flashed her a smile before turning back as J'onn, cutting off her observations, started up whatever meeting they were in.

"Thank you all for coming in. I know some of you are extremely busy and that some of you are supposed to be off right now but the events from last night require us to take certain measures. This," J'onn held a hand toward the woman, "is Lucy Lane. She is an experienced lawyer, and some of you may recognize her. She has spent some time around the DEO in the past. Our government has hired her to look into what happened over the past couple days. Just as a precaution. All of us were direct witnesses to what happened to the mainframe.

"Both Ms. Lane and myself are aware that not everyone can give a full recap. I only ask that you tell her what you do remember. None of you are on trial, our superiors just want to know what happened. It's nothing to worry about."

Sam could feel her cheeks heat up. Embarrassed wasn't what she was expecting to feel, but between how she acted at the bar last night and being related to the problem, she was nervous. It was irrational to feel that way. Sam couldn't help it though. She felt like she _was_ being put on trial and this woman was going to judge her based on last night. One more instance of Sam making bad decisions that come back to haunt her.

"Agent Schott will speak with Ms. Lane first since he is needed to get the mainframe back online. The rest of us have to stay in the conference room until we're dismissed by Ms. Lane."

"Sorry guys." She said to the whole room, dropping a little bit more of that professional sternness. "Ready to get started, Winn? This shouldn't take long."

Winn got up and left with her. J'onn took his seat. He swiveled the chair to face Sam.

"How are you?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"I'm not sure if that's the best way to deal with this, Sam."

"I know." She said simply. "But I got a glimpse of how me dealing with it turns out last night. It wasn't pretty. I think it's best if I don't try to deal with it at work."

That wasn't _exactly_ true. Sam hadn't dealt with anything last night, not the part of the night she was referring to at least. What happened at the bar was an accumulation of pent up feelings and avoidance avalanching. It still felt safer to not deal with the situation at work. She didn't know how else to get that across to J'onn so her half-lie would have to do.

"Fair enough." He answered. "I'm sure you have plenty of people to go to but I'm here if you need to talk or anything else."

"Thanks." Sam tried her best to be sincere but it felt tired. Of course that's what J'onn was going to say. Anyone and everyone was going to offer their support. No one actually wanted to deal with any of it though. Sam wouldn't want them to either.

To cut off any other offerings, Sam put her head down on the table, her arms making a pillow. It wasn't comfortable but it was good enough. And no one talked to her.

She wasted her wait time like that. Trying not to think or feel. Some apprehension about her upcoming discussion creeped in. Nothing else though and Sam was proud of that.

"Agent Danvers."

Sam didn't register her name. She was too busy not thinking, not feeling.

"Agent Danvers." Came again, louder this time. Sam sat up quickly and looked to where the voice came from. Lucy Lane was standing by the conference door. J'onn was the only other person in the room with them.

Sam stood. "Sorry."

"It's okay." Lucy replied, a hint of a smile on her face. "Follow me."

Sam did as instructed. Lucy led her from the conference room and into one of the interrogation rooms. Sam had only been in one once, during her initial tour of the DEO. They typically didn't get much use. At least not during the time Sam had worked there.

Lucy sat on one side of the table and gestured for Sam to sit on the other. Sam did so. It hit her then how tired she was. Not in a go to bed sense, but an all-encompassing exhaustion. Her soul was tired. Her brain was tired. Her heart was tired.

"This is a recorded conversation and I'm going to have to start with a few clarifying questions. Okay?" Sam nodded. "I'll need you to answer verbally."

It was professional and militant but not unkind. "Okay."

Lucy nodded. "Okay then. Your full name is Samantha Grace Danvers?"

"Yes."

"You've been an agent of the Department of Extra-Normal Operations for almost three months?"

"Yes."

"Your sister is deputy director and agent, Alex Danvers?"

"Yes."

"Your father is Jeremiah Danvers?"

Sam's stomach bottomed out. "Yes."

"Was he responsible for hacking into the DEO mainframe?"

"I didn't see him actually do it but he was trying to before I was…unaware of what was going on."

"What do you mean 'unaware of what was going on'? Tell me what happened."

"Supergirl and the Green Martian saved my dad from Cadmus."

"How?" Lucy interrupted.

"Cadmus was transporting him in a truck. I wasn't here when they brought him back. I was off duty so I don't know all the details."

"Hang on please."

Lucy was quiet as she flipped through some pages then trailed her pen down a list of some kind. She tapped it then looked back up. "Okay. Continue."

"When they brought him back everything seemed fine. Our doctors thought his arm had nerve damage. He wasn't using it. He told us about a fusion bomb created from Supergirl's heat vision. It was fake. Just a distraction. I was on monitor duty, looking for any changes in our search for the bomb most of yesterday.

"My dad briefly took over for me because he asked me to get him something from the bottom level storage room."

"What did he ask for?"

"A new key card. He said his was broken. Why do you need to know that?" Sam tried to not to let her annoyance show through in the question. She had been doing well before. Keeping everything fact and cold. That question sparked something for some reason.

"Being thorough. I only want to do this once, Agent Danvers. I'm sorry if this is unpleasant for you. That's not my intention. The sooner we get through this, the sooner we can be done. Now, why a key card? That seems odd."

"The bottom level storage is all the non-combat items. It's a lot of stuff. It kept me busy long enough for him to do whatever he did to get the search to trigger and then separate himself from everyone so he could make it down to the mainframe. That'd be my guess."

"But you were on the bottom level. If that's where he was headed, why would he put you on the same floor?" Sam shrugged with a shake of her head. "I need a verbal response, Agent Danvers."

"I don't know."

"Fair enough." Lucy made a note. "What happened next?"

"J'onn called down and told me my team was deployed without me, I was to help Winn at the mainframe."

"Winn as in Agent Schott?"

"Yes."

"Thank you. Continue please."

"When I got there Winn was knocked out and so were the other agents you talked to. I recognized them out in the conference room before this. I knew something was wrong so I tried to stop my dad. His arm didn't have any nerve damage. Well, no. It did because it was bionic. It didn't, uh, go well for me."

That brought the spark of heat into Sam's cheeks and neck. If she could have just held her own than maybe none of these interviews would be necessary. Maybe her dad would be here. Detained, most likely but here nonetheless. That embarrassment mixed with her annoyance from earlier, making Sam more uncomfortable.

"I'm going to interrupt you, Agent Danvers." Sam nodded. Lucy spoke to the recorder. "Let the record show that Agent Danvers has several visible bruises and a cut along her left cheek." She set the recorder down and facing Sam again. "Sorry, like I said. I don't want to have to do this again. The more details we get, the better. Please, go on."

"J'onn stepped in then as the Green Martian. He and my dad went at it. J'onn got knocked away and my dad was at the computer so I tried to stop him again. It didn't go any better." Sam stopped. She swallowed. "He threw me against the wall. It…it knocked the air out of me and I couldn't get it back. At some point there was some gun fire. That's all I remember until Alex came and took me up to med."

Lucy nodded and made more notes on the paper in front of her. She flipped back and forth through those papers. Sam guessed they were logs of various kinds from the DEO.

"Do you know what the gun fire was?"

"At the time, no. Now, I know it was him trying to destroy the console."

More notes. Sam tried not to think the entire time. She locked up the feeling part of herself and just said the facts. Rational, detached. Brick wall.

"What other injuries do you have, Agent Danvers?"

Sam paused. In all honesty, she had no idea. That wasn't the only thing keeping her from answering. Admitting what all happened to her, physically, made it seem even more real.

"Um. I, uh…I don't really know. I haven't looked."

There were no notes for a few long seconds. Lucy looked at Sam then down, then back up. "If you could, I'd like a report of what injuries you have when you do get a chance to look.

Sam nodded. Lucy put her pen down, folded her hands in front of her and looked directly at Sam. She tilted her head with a flat lipped smile.

"I have to ask you some really hard questions now. You're not going to like them, or me, very much. From what you've told me, this all seems cut and dry. But, I have to do my job and ask all the questions a situation demands."

"Okay." Sam answered, still feeling a little numb. Pinpricks of that something flared at explaining what happened between her and her dad were still there. The embarrassment and annoyance.

"Were you aware of your dad's plan? Did you help your dad gain access to the DEO mainframe?"

The questions snapped Sam out of her doldrum existence. She blinked hard, pulling back from the question. "Wait. What? Did you seriously just ask me that question?"

"Listen, like I said I know these questions aren't–"

"No." Sam scoffed. "Wait a second. The DEO gets hacked, I get my ass kicked by my dad, who, by the way, hasn't been in my life since the DEO then Cadmus took him 15 years ago but what you want to ask me, is if I had anything to do with it. Am I getting this right?"

"Agent Danvers. I'm only trying to do my job and right now, that means asking you those questions. I'm not accusing you of anything. I just have to cover all the bases."

Sam laughed mirthlessly. "Of fucking course," she said under her breath.

"This is an official interview, Agent Danvers. I'm going to have to ask you to watch your language. And, please, answer the questions so we can move on from them."

"Fuck. This." Sam leaned forward and annunciated the words forcefully. Then, slammed her hands on the table as she got up and stormed out of the room. Lucy followed.

"Agent Danvers." She called out, only a few steps behind. "Agent Danvers, stop. We have to finish this interview."

No answer. Sam didn't care if Lucy fucking Lane followed her all the way home, Like hell was she finishing that interview.

 _"Sam."_ Lucy said more forcefully and a little louder. That wound Sam too tight. She snapped.

She whirled around and took a step to meet Lucy face to face. "You have _no right_ to waltz in here and ask whatever the fuck you want. You know nothing of what happened or who I am."

"I never said I did." Lucy retorted, not backing down. "I only want–"

"I don't give a shit what you want. Go to hell and leave me alone. I'm done with your little interview."

Sam turned once more to leave but this time turned straight into Kara. Not Supergirl. Kara. She had her hands on her hips and looked none too pleased with what she was witnessing. She leaned around Sam and spoke to Lucy, "Can I have a minute with her? I'm really sorry Lucy."

Lucy must have nodded. Or some other nonverbal response. Sam hadn't turned around to see and she didn't hear anything but Lucy must have walked away.

Kara took Sam by the elbow, or tried to. As soon as she reached for Sam, she yanked her arm away from Kara. Sam felt ready to combust. She was _pissed_.

"What happened?" Sam didn't answer her. "Please Sam. You're obviously upset and I want to try and help but I can't if you don't tell me what happened."

"She said I had something to do with it."

Kara's chin went up in a long nod. "Ah."

"And that's bullshit. I had _nothing_ to do with anything that happened. I tried to stop it. I did everything I fucking could to stop it."

"Sam." When Kara reached out for Sam again, she didn't pull away. Her sister's hands gripped her elbows as she tried to get through what Sam was still rambling on about. "Sam. She's not saying that."

"What do you mean? She just asked me if I knew what he was going to do and if I helped him."

"No. I know. But it isn't like that. She _has_ to ask those questions."

"Bullshit." Sam spat back. She tried to step away from Kara but her sister held her in place. Not roughly, just to get through to her but it still annoyed Sam.

"She asked me the same thing." That made Sam stop trying to pull away. "And…" Kara looked around quickly, "she asked Supergirl too. She's not trying to accuse you of anything."

When Sam didn't respond, Kara kept going. "I promise, Sam. She's not asking those questions maliciously or anything. It's just what needs to be out there."

Still nothing. It made sense; Sam knew that. The problem now was that she was still mad. All that annoyance and embarrassment, now amplified, were still coursing in her veins.

"You need to go back in and finish."

"What? _No._ "

"Yes."

"I said no, Kara. I'm not going back in there. Fuck that."

"You have to. Everyone has to."

"I didn't see Alex in there. Or you."

"I came in before work this morning." Kara sighed. Sam wondered why she hadn't called off. She was entitled to it after last night. They all were. "And I don't know when Alex has to come in but she does. I mean, even J'onn was in there!"

Sam hated that Kara had a valid argument. She looked away from her sister. Mostly, she hated having to concede.

"I'm gonna go talk to Lucy and then you're gonna go back in there. Okay?" Sam didn't answer. "Okay."

It seemed Kara didn't need an answer. She marched off. Sam turned and watched her go to where Lucy was standing. She looked less than thrilled when Kara started talking to her. They went back and forth for a while. Once, Sam caught Lucy's eye then hurriedly looked away.

"Okay." Kara came back up to her. "She says you can finish. But Sam, seriously, be nice. Lucy's our friend. I know how you feel but please try."

"Fine." Sam bit out before walking away.

Lucy was nowhere on the DEO main floor. Sam had swept it quickly as she walked. Must be in the interrogation room already. When Sam got to the door, she paused. Only after three deep breaths did she go in.

Lucy was stiffly looking through files. She glanced up then right back down, not missing a beat in whatever it was she was doing. "Take a seat."

Sam did. She watched Lucy's hands and the papers move. When they were laid on the table, Sam looked up.

"Agent Danvers, if you walk out of this interview again you will be held in contempt, suspended from duty, and fined. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"Were you aware of your dad's plan? Did you help your dad gain access to the DEO mainframe?"

"No." Sam answered forcefully. "I did not know my dad's plan and no. I did not help him access the mainframe."

She was done with this interview. It didn't matter how official it was. Sam clung to the thought that Lucy could go to hell, more than she could last night. Ten times more than she could last night. Sam folded her arms and sat back in her chair, staring angrily across the table.

"Last question: have you had any contact from your dad since he disappeared?"

Sam didn't answer. The silence stretched on. It was petty. Answering would be the more productive way of being done with the interview. But she was done. Now.

"Agent Danvers, I need an answer."

Nothing. This was Sam trying to be nice like Kara wanted. For some reason, being asked if she had talked to her dad dug at Sam. If she had then she was aiding a criminal. If she hadn't then that felt like it spoke to her relationship with her father. There wasn't a right answer.

Lucy turned the recorder off. Her hand rested on the device. She looked hard at Sam, letting emotions seep into her expression. She seemed softer than when Sam came back in.

"I get it, okay? You don't know me but I know your sisters, I know your situation. I'm not doing this because I want to, it's my job and when I heard the names involved in this case I volunteered so it wasn't some other lawyer who didn't care about who the names were attached to.

"Anyone else would collar you for defiance right now, Sam. I was given your record and warned about what might happen in this meeting. But you don't seem like that file at all. So please, just answer my question and I promise I won't ask you anymore. You can go."

More silence. Lucy was pleading with Sam with her eyes. Sam looked away. Only one way out. She sighed. "Fine."

Thank you." Lucy replied then switched the recorder back on.

"I've had no contact with my dad since he threw me into one of the mainframe consoles." Sam answered, putting as much contempt into the answer as possible. She shoved back from the table. Lucy didn't say anything, just let her go.

Sam stalked out of the interrogation room and into the main floor fuming. Her fists were balled at her sides. No one stopped her. She went straight to Vasquez; her patience being tested as she waited for the woman to finish a conversation with an agent.

"Wooah." She said as she looked at Sam, eyebrows up. "You look happy."

"Not today."

"Right. Sorry, I thought normal might be a good thing to try for. My bad. What's up?"

"Tell J'onn I'm not coming in for my shift."

"Got it, Danvers."

Sam turned heel and left. She was almost to the main doors when Vasquez caught back up with her. "Hey. Did anyone tell you what he took?"

"No."

"Do you wanna know?"

Did she? It couldn't get any worse, not really. "Sure."

"The national alien registry."

Sam didn't bother replying. Knowing only infuriated her further. How could her dad steal an alien registry? Kara was an alien. She wasn't on there but that fact didn't matter. Who knew what Cadmus would do with that list. It seemed it could, in fact, get worse.


	90. Chapter 90

**A/N: We are now in "Exodus" and I'm extending our timeline. I need extra days for what I want to happen. Thanks for reading everyone. I hope you're enjoying it! And for my fans of angry Sam, you'll be seeing her some more pretty soon :) PS - there may have been a little glossing over after all the blow up about Lucy but that's what those two days off I mention for Sam are for. She's more mature now, trying to cope in a healthy way. *trying* ...Thanks for reading!**

Sam got two days off to get her shit together. She didn't talk to Alex or Kara, she kept her space from Maggie. She told herself two days and that was it. Then it was all going behind her.

She reasoned that she didn't really lose anything. She hadn't had a dad before, not one she remembered. A fantasy of what she wanted was all she lost. Nothing concrete. She still had her sisters. She had a mom. Friends.

The morning of the third day, Sam got up and worked out lighter than she had the previous two. A run and lift. Nothing out of what used to be her ordinary. Then she texted her sisters. She knew it would be a relief for Kara, who had sent several since Sam went radio silent. As for Alex, Sam wasn't sure. She was bordering on radio silent herself.

 **-Sorry I went MIA. I'll see you guys at work**

Kara responded immediately. First with just emojis. A couple hearts, a relieved face, almost every variation of smileys. Then actual words followed.

 **-I was worried! Are you okay? (K)**

 **-Fine. You? (S)**

 **-Getting there. See you at work! (K)**

Sam didn't get a response from Alex until she was about to walk out the door. She was seated on the wooden bench she got to put by her door. Her phone was next to her as Sam was leaned over, tying up her boots. The buzzing was amplified by the hard surface causing Sam to jump.

 **-Good. We need you at work. See you soon. (A)**

Sam could've read into that with some sort of attitude. That's not what it was though. She knew that was as good as Alex had right then because that's where Sam felt too and Sam was not in the same headspace as Alex. She couldn't imagine being betrayed by her hero. That's what Alex was living.

She left her apartment feeling relatively good. There was a feeling that most of her highs were going to be relative for a while. That was going to have to be fine.

The DEO was calmer than the last time she was there. Not by much though. She saw the usual suspects at the computer bay. Winn at his desk with Mon-El next to him. Kara pacing around. Alex statue still in the middle with her arms crossed and J'onn off to the side. Instead of going straight to them, she headed to the locker room to put her stuff away. Not that she had much. It was more about getting back into the swing of her routines.

After she was done, Sam did report to the computer bay. Alex was her in-command. That was who she reported to specifically and the bay was the last place she saw her. She was the only one still there. Well, Winn too but he was zoned into his computer.

"Hey." Sam greeted and tried to joke, "Reporting for duty."

"I need to talk to you." Alex grabbed Sam's arm and dragged her further from Winn. She pointed at the screens as she let her go. "These are all alien-related abductions. We have 20 in total. All documented aliens on the registry."

"Cadmus."

Alex nodded. "Winn can't track them. He thinks Dad taught them how to avoid us."

"It's possible."

"Not the point. The point is, they think Dad is hostile. J'onn has named him an enemy combatant. Do you know what that means?"

"Arrested on sight." Sam conveniently left out that she agreed with J'onn's decision.

"Exactly. That worries me. We have to do something about these abductions before Dad gets caught in the middle."

"Then let's do our job, Alex. If we do it right and then it'll be okay."

Alex sighed. She looked away from the screens for the first time since Sam walked up to her. "You're right. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. You just need to relax a little." Sam raised her hand and let it awkwardly fall on the outside of Alex's upper arm. She smiled at her sister's confused look at the action.

"Stop being weird and report to training. You had two days off which means you need to get two sessions in. I suggest you get your first one in sooner rather than later."

"You do know I work out on my own, right? This is not necessary."

"Rules are rules."

Sam rolled her eyes but headed off to do just what Alex said. On her way, she kept an eye out for Parker. She'd make him spar with her if she found him.

Parker was nowhere to be found but Sam did stop and do a double take as she walked by a conference room with Lucy Lane inside it, papers and file boxes covering the table. She watched the woman work, confused. When Lucy turned, feeling eyes on her, and waved Sam left.

Instead of going to train, she retraced her steps in search of Alex. She wanted to know why in the hell that woman was still there. Her sister wasn't anywhere around the computer bay. Sam went looking in her lab.

Alex was there, zoned out and not working. That took some of the heat off Sam. Her sister was still struggling. Visibly struggling which meant what they couldn't see was infinitely worse.

Sam knocked lightly on the door frame. Alex turned. "I thought you went to train?"

"I did. Until I saw that Lucy Lane is still here. Why?"

"She's not done with her investigation. Can we not talk about this right now?"

"No. I want her and this dumb investigation gone. No one did anything wrong. She got her interviews so now she can go."

"Sam." Alex sighed. "Lucy is a friend, and she's only doing what's asked of her."

"Did she interview you?"

"Yes."

"Did she ask if you had anything to do with Dad turning on us."

Alex stiffened. "Yes, but she has to. You know that. Don't be stupid just because you're upset."

Sam didn't bother answering. Alex was right. Unfortunately. She changed the subject, kind of. "Is she going to be here for the entire thing? Like _in_ the DEO."

Alex nodded. "Where else would she be?"

"I don't know."

"She told me she saw you out at the bar. And that you almost got in a fight." Sam looked away from Alex. She had been hoping no one would find out about that. Winn had promised not to tell when she texted to thank him for stopping her. "Is that the real reason you don't want Lucy around?"

"I don't really have a reason." Sam shrugged dramatically, her hands coming up wildly. "I just didn't appreciate being accused of all that bullshit. It was kind of insensitive."

"That's not Lucy's fault. The higher ups wanted an investigation and they wanted it done ASAP. I don't know how many times I have to tell you that she was just doing her job."

"Yea, whatever. It's fine."

"So glad to hear you say that." Alex replied sarcastically. "Now if you're done complaining, go train."

Sam did but took it easy. Some shadow boxing, a little heavy bag work. Enough to work up a sweat but not enough to leave her sore. It was turning out to be a three workout kind of day. That alone was going to leave her muscles gassed and angry. She didn't have to up the intensity.

On her way toward the locker room, Lucy was coming out of her designated conference room. She smiled. "Hey Sam."

"Hey." Sam answered. It wasn't exactly rude but it left a lot to be desired. She tried to walk past Lucy but obviously that response wasn't what Lucy wanted.

She put her palm flat against the wall, blocking Sam's path. Which was annoying. Sam took a short breath, looking straight in front of her, before shifting her eyes down to Lucy, who was looking equally as unamused.

"You're gonna need to get over that interview. I was given a set of pre-written questions for each person I talked to. I _am_ sorry but I didn't have a choice. I'll be in town for a few more days and I don't want to deal with your shitty-ness."

"Then don't. No one is forcing you."

Lucy chuckled and dropped her hand, she didn't move completely out of Sam's way. "This feels vaguely familiar."

"What?"

"Nothing." Then Lucy did step to the side. "I'm sure I'll see you around, Sam."

Sam walked away, not sure what just happened. The people her sisters associated with were weird. And annoying.

Her day went by slowly. Alex had Sam running all over the DEO doing this small job or that. It was like she was a new recruit all over again. She said as much to her sister but Alex shrugged with the explanation that Sam was never deemed not a new recruit.

Each job she completed seemed to take her past Lucy's conference room. Sam handled it with her infamous indifference but Lucy seemed amused by the whole ordeal. She said hi to Sam each time they crossed paths or waved to her through the glass conference room wall.

It was almost enough to keep Sam distracted from the shit show that was her life. Almost. On her few down moments, Sam found herself thinking of her dad. That was frustrating on its own. She had promised herself that after two days of sulking, off duty, that she would move on. And she was trying her best but it wasn't enough.

Sam was bitter and angry and hurt. Somehow being left twice was worse for your self-esteem. Especially when the second time included getting your ass kicked. It somehow felt like a reflection of her, not her dad. It had to be her that caused him to turn on them a second time.

Rationally, that was ridiculous. Too bad Sam's heart didn't listen to rational, logical reason. So, she avoided it all as best she could. By working. Like any good Danvers would. Like they all were.

"Hey Baby Danvers." Maggie called out, stopping Sam's n-th trip across the DEO for Alex.

"What's up, Maggie?"

"Not much. How are you?"

"I'm good and if you could not ask me that every time you see me, that'd be great. Moving on and all that, ya know?"

"Of course. I get it, but you know that–"

"If I need to talk about it I can go to you." Sam finished for her. "I know, thanks."

"Have I said that before?" Maggie joked. Sam shrugged with a smile then tipped her head back and forth like she was weighing how often it had been said. "I'll tone down the support then."

"Yea right. You ooze comfort and support Maggie. Even when you're trying to be all badass. It's like breathing for you. There's no way you'll tone it down."

Maggie laughed. "Shut up. I am not that bad about it."

"Well, I mean, it's not exactly a _bad_ thing." Sam quickly backtracked. It was fun to give Maggie a hard time but she didn't want her to think Sam didn't appreciate it.

"No, I know, Sam. It's okay. But, uh, I actually don't have a whole lot of time. I wanted to stop in and check on Alex; do you know where she is?"

"You mean the slave driver who took over my sister? Yes. She's in her lab. When you go in there, tell her you're the reason this is taking me so long. I'd rather not get yelled at."

"That bad?"

Sam sobered up from her joke. Maggie wasn't interested in that. She was concerned over how Alex was coping, or the fact that she wasn't. "Yes and no. She's better than the other night but I don't think she's dealing with it. Kara said she was back to work the next day. No mention of Dad unless it was work related. Or about saving him. Which she brought up to me earlier."

Maggie sighed. "Yea. I don't really know what to do. She won't talk to me about it, not really. And if she does, it's like you said; he isn't to blame, she needs to save him. All that."

"She'll come back around, Maggie. Try not to worry too much."

"What was it you were just giving me a hard time about?" She smirked at Sam. As she started backing away toward Alex's lab, she added, "We both know not worrying isn't gonna happen. Oh, and hey, I'm gonna get Alex out to the bar tonight. You should join us."

"Uh, I'm good. I think I should lay low for a little bit."

"Because of your fight or whatever? Alex said nothing really happened."

What the hell, Sam thought. She thought she had done a pretty good job of covering that up. Freaking Lucy Lane. That woman was creating far too many problems for Sam having met her only a few days ago.

"Does _everyone_ know about that?"

"I think so."

"God. Nothing even happened! I just pushed the guy!"

"Woah now." Maggie came back the few steps she had gone. "I was just asking. It's not a big deal; no one's mad or anything like that."

"Good. Because nothing happened."

"Yea, good. Now, that we cleared that up…" Maggie answered cautiously and with a chuckle. "You're raincheck-ing and I'm going to go see your sister. See ya, Sam."

Sam lectured herself for a few moments. Then she called out, "Sorry Maggie."

"No worries, kid. I get it."

Sam turned to finish her task but only got one step. Lucy was standing behind her. That dumb amused look on her face yet again. Her hands were on her hips but she dropped them when Sam stopped in front of her.

"Looks like I'm not the only you're crabby with."

"Why are you _everywhere_? Like seriously. Are you deliberately everywhere Alex sends me or is it some sort of universal punishment?"

Lucy scoffed. Not at all raising to Sam's comments, making her even more infuriating. It was like she enjoyed the banter. Not that Sam would call it that. "You're _so_ charming. Has anyone ever told you that?"

"I don't have time for this. Alex is already going to have my head." Sam dipped her head and tried to blow past so she could finish Alex's stupid job.

"Wait!" Lucy grabbed Sam's arm to stop her, switching their positions. She didn't hold on. Sam was grateful for that. She was far from the mood for all that. "I was actually looking for you. I need help getting access to some daily reports."

"Ask Winn. He's the gate keeper to all data files."

"He's busy with, well, like five different things. I asked J'onn and he sent me your way. He said something about the reports being yours anyways?"

Of course he did. Sam felt impatience build in her chest, tighten in her fingers. She flexed her hands to try and work some of it out. Over and over in her head, she reminded herself of what Alex said: Lucy was just doing her job.

"I need to finish getting Alex some files and a sample. I'll come find you after. Okay?"

It was a forced even. Just barely polite and professional. More than Lucy doing her job, Sam tried to remind herself that this was displaced anger. Moving on was all well and good in theory but she wasn't very good at actually doing it. The stress of everything was still weighing on Sam. Lucy, despite her annoying tendencies, didn't deserve to bear the brunt of it.

"Okay." She smiled in an understanding and gentle way that annoyed Sam further. She never did do well with sympathy. It was too close to pity and Sam had a hard time telling them apart. "I'll be in the same conference room you've seen me in all day."

There was nothing left to say so Sam didn't bother. Nor did she just walk away. It was a powerwalk and once she turned a corner, Sam broke into a jog. Alex was literally going to have her head. There was no reason to provoke her further. She was dealing with enough and Sam didn't want to have to deal with being the outlet of all that non-dealing.

When Sam made it back to the lab, files and sample in hand, Maggie was already gone. Alex seemed a little more relaxed too. Sam sent thanks out that her sister was so disgustingly in love with her girlfriend and it had this effect.

She set the files down first then carefully put the sample, an overly big test tube that was corked with some sort of clear liquid, in the test tube rack. In the liquid there were small flecks of silver and blue. Alex didn't say what it was and Sam didn't bother asking. She was intelligent but not science-minded, it would probably go over her head so why bother?

"J'onn sent Lucy to me for help. Do you still need me or can I go do that?"

"Help with what?" Alex looked up from her notes, she sat back and pushed the sleeves of her lab coat up.

"She's having trouble accessing the daily reports. _My_ daily reports I guess, and Winn is busy, so it falls to me."

"Okay. That's fine and it's not like your job description is actually my errand-runner." Alex smirked at Sam who rolled her eyes in response. "I think I'll manage without you. It was nice while it lasted though."

"I'm never helping you again."

"Yea, yea. We both know that's not true."

"Oh. It's 100% true after that."

Alex laughed. It was nice to see and made Sam smile. They were going to get through this, even if Kara and Sam had to drag Alex with them.

"Hey. Make sure you're nice to Lucy." Alex started before Sam could leave. Maybe Sam wasn't going to get out of this without a lecture. "Her and I were a little rocky to start, Kara too, but she's our friend now. I expect you to treat her as such. And if you can't be nice than at least remember that you're on duty and you better be respectful and professional."

Instead of the immature comment that almost burst out, Sam nodded. Alex wasn't going to care that Lucy was annoying and pushed Sam's buttons. "Am I dismissed, or do you have more?"

"I'm done." Alex answered, turning back to her work.

"Alright. See ya."

"Bye."

Sam didn't bother looking for distractions as she headed for the conference room Lucy was in. The sooner she got there, the sooner she could be done helping her. In all honesty, it might not even be that bad. Or it would be. How in the hell was Lucy having trouble accessing her reports? There was nothing special about them. They were locked, yes but Sam would think that Lucy would have all-access given the nature of her visit to the DEO.

Lucy was rifling through some of the boxes when Sam got there. She watched her for a few seconds as Sam took a deep breath. She had to keep her cool. Alex hit it on the nose when she said this was work. Sam _had_ to be respectful.

Knocking on the door first, Sam pushed it open. Lucy turned but then went right back to what she was doing when she saw it was Sam. "Right on time. Could you take a look at that computer," Lucy motioned to the far laptop on the table, one of two, "it won't give me access. The code I was given isn't working. J'onn said your code would be fine."

"Sure." Sam made her way over and sat down. She typed her code quickly.

It didn't work. She made a face at the computer. Maybe she went too quickly. Sam slowed down on her second try. Denied again.

"What the…?" She mumbled.

Another try. Another blinking 'ACCESS DENIED' message on the screen. She tried a work around that Parker showed her once. Sam wasn't sure she got it right so she wasn't surprised when she didn't get in.

"Not working for you either?" Lucy asked. She came over and stood behind Sam, looking over her shoulder at the screen.

"No. I have another IT guy, other than Winn. He shouldn't be as busy. I'll go get him."

"That'd be great. Thanks."

Parker may not be as busy as Winn but there was a good chance he was still swamped. Sam hadn't even seen him yet. She also already owed him for all the monitor breaks. That train of thought was quickly derailed as it veered toward more melancholy regions of her mind.

There was no Parker at the computer bay, or in the training rooms. Not that Sam thought he would really be training. It was just a hopeful thought before she had to go down to the mainframe room.

Her wait for the elevator was filled with dread. The amount that she wanted to go back down there was none at all. Already she was feeling everything she was trying to move on from. The cut on her cheek stung and her body ached in all the places that collided with both walls. The finger-shaped bruises on her arms and shoulder throbbed. Phantom aches and pains but they felt real.

During the descent, Sam's breathing sped up slightly. Enough for her to actively slow it back down. It was all mental and she hated it. Her body was manifesting the disappointment and inadequacy and hurt into physical pain. She thought those two days off would've made this easier for her. Turns out, she thought wrong.

It wasn't for nothing. Parker was tapping away at his tablet in front of the mainframe console. Other agents were moving around the room. Rewiring and programing and repairing. Winn was down there directing. When he noticed Sam, he went over to her.

"Hey Sam. What, uh, brings you down here?" He seemed nervous. She didn't blame him. Last time they saw each other, Sam was .2 seconds away from throwing hands with some random guy for no reason at the bar. And here she was, at the scene of the literal crime that started it all.

"I need Parker."

"Oh. I don't know, Sam. I kind of need him too. We got things up and running but we're in critical care. I can't really spare anybody."

Sam sighed. Maybe it was for not that she came down.

"What do you need him for?"

"Lucy actually needs him. Her access code won't let her get into the daily reports. Even mine won't work. J'onn said you were busy, and I mean, you are, so I thought I'd get Parker instead."

"No one's access codes are working." Winn answered. "I'm reprogramming all of them. Have you spent any time on a computer today?" Sam shook her head. "That's because you can't. I'll send Parker up to get her in. That should only take a few minutes."

"Thanks Winn."

"No problamo. Are you helping Lucy?"

"J'onn sent me since you were busy. I would've thought he'd know about the codes."

"The big guy doesn't always concern himself with the small details. He's too focused on finding…" Winn trailed off. Before Sam could feel the stab from what he was about to say, she pulled her walls up to protect herself and forced herself to say what he didn't.

"My dad? Yea. Everyone up there is. They have access though."

"A few agents do. Me, Vasquez…I think Parker does too but that's it. Just enough to keep the DEO running without too much inconvenience. We need less activity on the mainframe so we can work out what all is going on with it."

"Will Lucy being in the daily reports be an issue?"

"No. Not unless she's adding to them. I doubt that she is?" Sam shook her head to confirm. "She'll use them as reference and that's fine. We can get into things already saved. You should tell her that some of them might be corrupted. Jeremiah, uh, your dad, did a number on it."

"I'll tell her." Sam answered tightly. She knew the facts and there was no disputing them but it didn't feel good to talk about what her dad did. "I'll do that now. Send Parker as soon as you can."

"Will do."

Well, that was pleasant, Sam thought. Or awful. She handled it though. That was one of those relative good feelings that she was going to have to focus on. Good enough was going to have to be good enough, and being able to be in that room and talk about what happened there without losing her shit was good enough. Mind over matter.

Lucy was sitting with a fan of papers spread out in front of her on the table. She would pop up to reach a far one then sit down and scan over it, replace it and repeat with a different sheet. Sam waited for her to finish her current paper before interrupting.

"Winn is going to send Parker up soon. No one has access right now except for a few people."

Lucy sighed. "But he can get me in, right? I need those reports."

Sam nodded. "Yea. Some of them might be corrupted."

"Why?"

"Do you not know what happened down there?"

There wasn't an immediate answer. It seemed like Lucy was gauging what the right answer was. Finally, she said, "Only from what I was told."

"The mainframe was shot several times at point-blank range. It shouldn't be working at all."

"Right." She said, then more to herself, "I should've realized that. This is going to make things harder."

Lucy moved around the room. She was focused on everything in front of her. Sam stood their awkwardly for a few moments. Before she could decide if she should leave or not, Lucy was talking again.

"J'onn said you record the daily reports. Is that true?"

"Yea."

"Since the files might be corrupted, I'm going to need your help. Now, I don't except you to know exactly what's missing but you're my best bet at what _might_ have been in there. Think you could help me out?"

Just what Sam wanted to do. It was what was need though. This was the professional side that Alex reminded her of. There was no choice. Sam was going to help Lucy with the reports.

"I can." Sam replied, a little resigned.

"It won't be so bad." Lucy smiled at her. "I bet I can even get you to like me by the end of this."

Sam wanted to smile at the confidence but she didn't. Instead, she fired back, "Good luck with that."

"I think you'll be surprised, Sam. I'm told I'm likable."

"Whatever. Where do you want me until Parker gets up here?"

Lucy turned back to the table, surveying it. "How about…those three stacked boxes. Over there. Those are police reports and surveillance from the area where the building Cadmus was hosing your, uh, dad. If you could make sure they're organized by date, that would be helpful."

"On it."

Those three boxes took the better part of two hours. Then Lucy had her look through for anyone or any name that seemed familiar or like it didn't belong. When Parker finally managed to make it up to them, for all of five minutes to get them in, Sam was on reports.

Lucy had her going through each one from the last two months and logging which were corrupted. The ones from before Sam took over the job were hard to pick out but she managed. When she was done, her neck ached and her eyes itched. Standing was equal parts relieving and painful.

They hadn't talked much. Lucy mostly talked to herself. When they did talk, it was related to the investigation. Sam learned that Lucy was only told to look for things that seemed off. She wasn't really given a lot to go off of. It made Sam dislike her a little less.

The parts of their _long_ afternoon and, Sam realized when she checked her watch, evening that weren't all about the investigation were almost completely one sided. Lucy told Sam about how she met her sisters. That she dated James but _thank god_ that ended, no offense to James of course. She told Sam about how she finally found her place as a lawyer. Which was usually not working for the government but her dad had called her with this case. Her dad the Army general.

At mention of the Army, Sam found herself mentioning her time serving. Lucy answered with an 'I know' and that was it.

Sam stretched long and hard. The full hands above-her-head, back-arching and knees-locked stretch. She suppressed the urge to let out a little groan with it.

"Oh wow." Lucy said from behind her, surrounded even more by papers than when Sam walked back into the conference room earlier. "It is way later than I thought. When were you supposed to clock out?"

"Uh." Sam checked her watch again. It was eight. She'd been on duty, accidentally, for twelve hours. "At four."

"I am so sorry, Sam. I didn't mean to keep you. Especially with this."

"It's okay." And it really was. Sam may have been working on a case specifically about how her dad screwed them over but it had been a sort of distraction. She lost herself in the facts and the logic and the black and white of it. It seemed detatched from what she had lived through. "I didn't mind helping."

"I still feel bad."

"Sam." They both turned at the stressed voice coming from the doorway. It was Alex, not in uniform. "Hey Lucy."

"Hey Alex. Everything okay?"

"No. Sam, I need to talk to you."

Everything in Sam's body went cold. So much for the logic and black and white and facts. She swallowed and nodded at Alex, then she turned back to Lucy. Anything for a few more seconds.

"Sorry. I, um…I have to go."

"Don't worry about it. Thanks again. I hope," she looked at Alex then and back to Sam, "everything is okay."

The only thing Sam could come up with is that they found him. He was hurt or dead or worse off in terms of Cadmus control than they thought. It was an endless loop of bad news in mind as she followed Alex deeper into the hall. Her sister stopped them.

"The alien bar got attacked."

A flood of relief went through her. Sam was still cold but she wasn't frozen. She breathed out, "Oh thank god."

"Excuse me?"

"No. I'm sorry, not like that. I just thought…you know what? It doesn't matter. What happened?"

"It was Cadmus. They came for any alien they could get, at least that's how it seemed. They took Lyra. Winn is freaking out. James is doing his best to keep him calm but he's refusing to go home. He's upstairs trying different searches."

"What do you need from me?"

"Go home. You've already been here longer than necessary. I think we're going to be working long hours the next few days and I need you rested. So, go home and get some sleep, be here tomorrow by seven."

Sleep didn't sound like the easiest route right then. One of their friends was distraught. A friend of a friend, well a girlfriend of a friend, was taken. It was Cadmus so it was her dad. But Alex was right. They all needed to be rested.

"Are you okay?" Sam asked, realizing that Alex and Maggie had gone out to the bar. She looked Alex over. She seemed fine.

"I'm fine, so is Maggie. Don't worry."

"Don't worry? You guys got attacked. I take it James was there with Winn since he's here now?"

Alex nodded. " _Try_ not to worry. I'm going home too to try and get some sleep. It's the best thing we can do for Lyra."

"You're right." Sam ran a hand down her face. Long days ahead of them? It had already been a long couple days. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Want a ride home?"

"Nah. I'll take the rail."

"Are you sure, Sam? You'll get home faster if we take you. Maggie's outside in the car already."

"I might get home faster but you won't and we both know that you need some rest more than I do, Miss I-don't-need-any-time-off."

Alex rolled her eyes. "Remember this when you're complaining in the morning."

Sam smiled. "Bye Alex."

"We can walk out together."

"I'm gonna go make sure I didn't log out before I leave. Just in case Lucy is staying longer."

"Alright."

It was a useless check. The conference room was dark when Sam made her way back to it. It seemed Lucy didn't have the same twisted view of work that ran in Sam's family. She could respect that. The day was pressing in on her and Sam started to regret telling Alex she didn't need a ride.

No matter. She made her way home then got straight into bed. She was mentally and physically exhausted. Thankfully. It meant there were no thoughts before she drifted off.


	91. Chapter 91

The next morning Sam wasn't surprised to find a frantic Winn at the DEO. He looked like he hadn't slept. She stepped into the briefing next to James, he nodded to Sam but didn't say anything. He looked as sleep deprived as his friend. She noticed Mon-El too and wondered why he was there when Kara wasn't.

"I should have gotten here sooner. I mean, if these guys hadn't come in then I would've…" Sam had no idea what Winn was going on about. He might not even know. He groaned loudly and covered his face.

Alex stepped up to try and reassure him. "We'll get her back, Winn."

"You don't know that! Okay?" His hands cut across his chest. "We don't know anything, alright?"

James, calm maybe only because he was exhausted, turned to J'onn, "Are you sure you can't get anything from this guy?"

Sam noticed for the first time the monitor screens. A bald white guy was in one of their cells. He was in all black. Alex hadn't mentioned they got someone.

"Cadmus must have found a way to shield his thoughts from me." J'onn admitted. He sounded annoyed. He forced more hope into his voice as he stepped up to Winn. "But we will find something, Winn. We always do."

"Everything I've tried, it's led to nothing!" Winn snapped back. He wasn't yelling but right on the verge. "And if they hurt her," it was like Winn just realized that was a possibility. He turned back to Alex venomously with a finger in Alex's face, "your father, I'm sorry, but this is his fault."

Sam bristled and moved to jump to her defense but James stopped her. She whipped to look at him. He gave a slow shake of his head. J'onn was already taking care of it with a loud, "Agent Schott!"

Mon-El butted in. "Hey Winn, you know what you need right now?"

"If you say a drink, I swear…" Winn's hand came up uselessly, curling into itself to articulate the frustration that he couldn't.

"Oh, I was gonna say a deep breath but that," Mon-El's hand came out of his pocket to point at Winn, "is a much better idea. 'Cause Zakarian Ale always takes the edge off. I'm gonna go get a bottle."

While everyone was focused on Mon-El and Winn, Sam watched her sister. There was no way she just brushed off Winn's accusation. Not after all the 'we have to save him' comments she had been making about their dad.

Alex looked at the man on the screen. Determination was there. And a little hatred. Sam knew that look and what actions usually resulted. Or at least that it was never a good outcome.

When she walked away, Sam followed her. When they turned down a deserted hall, Sam stopped her sister.

"Alex, wait."

"Not now."

"Yes, now. You look like you're about to do something stupid."

"Maybe stupid is what we need."

"I'm not gonna deny that but are you sure you want to be the one doing it?"

Alex glared at her. "What does that mean?"

"It means that you can be reckless, yea, but are you stupid?"

Her sister shook her head, a look of confusion on her face. "That doesn't make sense. Why in the hell are you asking me this right now?"

"Because I may not know what you're about to do but I know that look. And I know that I've got your back, Alex. I just wanna be sure you really want to do whatever it is you're thinking of doing."

"I'm about to go beat the shit out of that guy until he tells us where Dad is."

"Okay, well. That's along the lines of what I thought."

Alex shook her head and walked away from Sam. She didn't try to stop her, just followed. The thought of beating the guy up didn't bother Sam but finding their dad wasn't at the top of her list. The prospect showed Sam how done she was with the guy. She didn't want to be hurt like that again. He could stay gone for all she cared. For all she cared was a lot less since she cared about Alex, who desperately wanted their dad back. It was one confusing thought replaced by another.

Alex marched into the detention room. The man looked at her once then straight ahead. Sam stood solid behind her sister. This was her fight but Sam wouldn't leave her alone with it.

"Like I said to the other guy that came in to talk to me, I got nothing to say to you people."

"Yea, that's what I heard." Alex responded. Then she hit the lock bottom and opened the cell. Sam looked back at the main doors.

The man looked warily at Alex but didn't react fast enough to avoid her first punch. Sam didn't even flinch. He pushed himself up to his knees with cuffed hands.

"Now me," Alex started, emphasizing her point by stepping down onto his cuffs, "I bet you got loose lips."

She pulled him up and pushed the guy into the wall. He was obviously intimidated. The guy was bigger than Alex. Sam would still put money on her sister in a fight but she shouldn't be about to man-handle him like that.

When he hit the wall, Alex pushed him harder against it and growled out, "Now tell me, where is Cadmus?"

Before he could answer, or even react, she threw a hard left. Then a right. Sam watched her throw him across the cell. This wasn't about answers. This was dealing.

"Tell me." Alex said again as she walked toward him. "Where is Cadmus?"

She stomped on his knee, forcing him to cry out. Sam started to think she should step in. The man did deserve it after what he did to the bar. She didn't. All of Cadmus deserved it.

"I can't!" He replied. He was desperate as he explained, "Okay? They put stuff in my head, alright? They'll know. They'll kill me!"

Not good enough for Alex. She growled again and pulled him up then shoved him against the wall. "It's either them or me."

She let loose on him. Punch after punch. Screaming, "Tell me!"

Sam stepped forward to stop her. It was crossing the line beyond the line. This would ruin Alex, this wasn't her. J'onn pulled Sam back as he rushed forward. He grabbed Alex by the arms and pulled her away. The man slumped down, a bloody mess.

"Alex! Get out of here!"

"She's crazy!" The man spit out.

J'onn stopped in his struggle to get Alex out. "One more word out of you and she's the least of your problems."

He pushed and corralled Alex out. A stern glare to Sam followed by a "You too" that had Sam trailing behind them. J'onn gave Alex one last shove into the hall.

"Alright, alright!" She put her arms up.

Alex started pacing right away. Adrenalin still coursing through her. Sam was her opposite; she stood statue still.

"Look. I'm sorry. I know I was out of line. I just–"

"Alex." J'onn started slowly. He looked at Sam but Alex didn't stop for him to start in on them.

"I just thought I could get him to tell us something!"

"Alex!" J'onn roared. It was the first time Sam had heard him yell. She fought back a flinch. "He can't tell us anything if he's dead!"

"I would have stopped." Alex shot right back.

That calmed J'onn, whether he believed her or not. "What Winn said about your father…"

"This has nothing to do with him." Alex tried.

"Bullshit." Sam stepped in for the first time. Alex glared at her and J'onn looked too before Alex kept going.

"I just want to help Winn find Lyra. I wanted…" Alex trailed off. She kept looking anywhere but J'onn. Definitely not Sam. "I want to find them all, okay," She said, straight to J'onn, "before Cadmus…"

It was barely coherent. Alex was starting to fall apart. J'onn watched Alex pace then he looked to Sam, thinking. "You know, maybe Mon-El was right. We could all use a deep breath. Or a drink."

"I'm fine. Okay? I promise." With that, and another steadying breath, Alex walked away. Sam stayed where she was. She knew she was next. Now that the immediate and explosive issue was dealt with, it was her turn.

"I appreciate the show of support but never again like that, Sam. Do you hear me?"

"Yes sir."

"Is she fine?"

"No sir."

J'onn nodded. "You can go."

"Sir?" Sam asked, she wasn't sure where she was supposed to go. Alex was obviously not in the right frame of mind to give orders. J'onn looked to her for her to continue. "What, uh, should I do? Alex said…that we needed to help Winn but I mean, you saw her."

J'onn hummed in agreement. "Continue helping Ms. Lane. She's looking at known Cadmus buildings and areas, correct?" Sam nodded. "Good. Continue helping her but look for anything that might help us with this, and feel free to tell her that. It isn't need to know."

"Yes sir."

Sam made her way up to Lucy's conference room. Too much on her mind to notice that she walked right by it until Lucy poked her head out the door and called her name.

"Sam." She turned, then turned again, confused. Lucy looked a little concerned. "Everything okay?"

"Uh, yea. I just…it doesn't matter." Sam answered as she walked back and past Lucy into the conference room. "J'onn told me to continue helping you but my focus is on Cadmus sites and areas. I'm looking for anything that can help us in our current case."

"Winn's girlfriend?"

Sam looked up from the computer she was already working to boot up. "How'd you know about that?"

"It's tied into what I'm working on." Lucy spread her arms out to gesture around the room and all the papers.

"Right."

"Are you okay with all of this?"

That made Sam bristle. She bit out, "I don't want to talk about it."

"Sorry." Lucy put her hands up. "Just asking, which I won't anymore."

"Good."

They worked in silence for a long time. At least until Lucy broke it. She dropped a thick folder next to Sam, making her jump. Lucy met her glare with a smile.

"You looked half dead, I thought I should make sure you were still alive."

"By stopping my heart?" Sam was not amused.

"It worked, didn't it Cujo?"

"Do not start calling me that."

"Stop being so hostile then." Sam went back to her screen, doing her best to ignore the other woman. "There was an actual reason to me doing that."

Sam replied without looking up, "Pray tell."

"It's past noon which means we should eat something."

"Knock yourself out."

"I said 'we', Sam. That means you too."

That had Sam looking up. She had to be kidding. Not only was Sam not in the mood, she was _not at all_ in the mood for a social meal.

"I'll grab something later."

"Nope." Lucy clapped her hands together then grabbed Sam's arm and pulled her out of her seat. "Come on. We're leaving this building."

Sam ripped her arm away. "I said _no_." She didn't yell but it was toeing the line. Lucy stopped and listened. "Do you not realize what's going on? I don't have time for lunch. There is shit going on that we have to fix. But no, you're right. Let's just forget all about it and go get lunch. Awesome, let's go."

Lucy didn't jump back at her. She looked evenly at Sam for a minute as Sam breathed heavily, worked up as she was. When her chest stopped heaving, Lucy asked, "Are you done? Because you're not taking all this out on me."

She kept going, completely undaunted by Sam's outburst. "I understand what's going on. That's why we _should_ go get food. It's the same reason your sister told you to go home and get some sleep last night, and why I left too. We're no good to anyone under fed, exhausted, and at our wit's end."

It was true. And as Sam calmed more, she was embarrassed again. Now it was both sides of Sam that she hated that Lucy was getting to see. The two faces of the same angry coin. Sam looked away from Lucy. Her pride was getting the best of her in the face of that embarrassment.

"I'm going to Noonan's for lunch. You are more than welcome to join me. I actually think you should be buying me lunch after that but I won't hold you to it." Lucy paused. "I'm leaving in 10. I'll wait by the main doors if you want to come with."

Then she was gone. Gone and not taking any of Sam's shit. It made her begrudgingly respect Lucy a little more. Not many people could go toe to toe with Sam at her worst. After several minutes of back and forth, Sam decided to go to lunch. She'd apologize for being an ass. J'onn was forcing her to work with Lucy, this wasn't going to go to away for a little longer.

It was also the right thing to do but Sam struggled with admitting that. Pride and all. It was an endless circle of reasoning that Sam just barely got herself out.

She didn't think Lucy would still be waiting. Sam walked out exactly ten minutes after Lucy walked away. Almost past ten minutes thanks to her indecisiveness.

Lucy didn't say anything. Just smirked and waited for Sam to get to her before walking away. Sam fell into step with her.

"You do know that Noonan's is too far to walk, right?"

"I do." Lucy responded. "We aren't walking. I parked up this way." She pointed toward a silver car not too far from them.

"Rental?" Sam asked, looking around the car as she got in. It had that really clean, kind of new feel to it.

"Nope." Lucy answered, buckling up. Sam looked at her, waiting for the extension of the answer after her own seat belt was fastened. "It's mine."

Lucy patted the dashboard. Sam would've rolled her eyes if she didn't have more questions. "How long are you staying in National City?"

"I live here, Sam."

"Wait, really?"

Lucy laughed. "Yea. For a couple months now. I moved out and took a job with CatCo for a bit but after I broke up with James, it was just weird. I spent some time as deputy director of the DEO, which was hell."

She laughed again with a shake of her head. Lucy hadn't mentioned this yesterday while they worked. "Like seriously, hell broke loose while I was in charge. After that, I was done with all this. I started my own consulting firm. I thought I mentioned that yesterday."

"You didn't. Where have you been?" Sam asked, extremely confused. "Alex keeps going on that I have to be nice because you're 'a friend' but I literally have never seen you before."

"You're only being nice because your sister said to be? Oh, wow. That feels really great."

"Oookay. You can't be mad. Our first conversation was you being all pushy then you interrogated me about my dad. So, yes. I was only being nice because Alex said I had to."

Lucy parked and they got out. "I meant to apologize about that." She continued over the top of her car and on their way into the restaurant. "I was caught up in not knowing you but realizing I knew Alex and Kara. I was a little insensitive."

"A little?"

"Shut up." Lucy replied before asking for a table. They sat and looked over the menu. Service was quick. Sam was thankful for it as she realized how hungry she was.

They ordered and sat quietly. Sam looked over the crowd then out the windows to the streets of National City. Lucy reached over and tapped the table in front of Sam with her index finger. Sam looked at her.

"I know you said you didn't want to talk about it but I thought I'd try one more time, how are you with all this stuff about your dad?"

Sam sighed and looked away. Maybe she needed to talk about it, and who better than a stranger? Lucy was more like an acquaintance but she was someone who Sam didn't really know but who knew all the players in the game.

It was obviously taking Sam too long. Lucy was quickly filling the silence. "Look, I'm sorry. I just thought I'd offer. You don't have to talk to me but I know a thing or two about rocky relationships with dads. Forget I asked, okay?"

"No, it's fine." Sam sighed again. She was doing a horrible job at the whole normal socializing thing. "I just…it's fine. Thanks for asking."

"So. You do want to talk about it?" Lucy asked, cautiously.

Sam shrugged. "I have no idea."

"It might help. And, hey. No judgements from me."

Where to start? Should she even start? The words were already pushing against her teeth, fighting to get out. Sam wasn't sure if she could keep it in. This was too big to try to keep in like she normally would.

"I don't think I feel how I should about it."

Lucy looked surprised at the admittance. She didn't get a chance to respond right away, their waiter came by. Lucy thanked him then turned back to Sam, not even acknowledging their food.

"What do you mean?"

"Let's just eat. Forget I said anything." Sam reached for her folded up silverware but Lucy reached across the table, for the second time, and stopped her.

"No. I didn't mean…" She paused. Then, "It's okay, Sam. How do you think you should feel?"

The attention Lucy was giving her, so focused and absolute, made Sam uncomfortable. She needed to do something. Even if they still talked, Sam needed to do.

"Can we eat? Please."

"Of course, but I think we should talk too."

That annoyed Sam. She swallowed it. Moments before, she admitted to herself that she needed this. Lucy's insistence was only bugging her because Sam wasn't good at this opening up stuff.

Buying herself some time, Sam took a few bites. Chewed, swallowed. Lucy followed suit but was intently watching Sam, waiting for her to start.

"Alex is convinced our dad is being brainwashed or blackmailed or…something. She wants to save him, thinks he can be saved. I don't know how Kara feels, probably the same. I haven't really gotten a chance to talk to her much since all this happened."

"What about you? What do you think?"

"I think it doesn't matter why he did it."

"So that's it?"

Sam shrugged, carefully chewing her food and taking her time. "I don't want to feel like this again. Who knows what he's really like after all this Cadmus stuff. Maybe he is brainwashed but can we undo that? He's gone and I'm done."

Lucy nodded. She continued eating, letting the conversation lie where it was. When she was done, she placed her silverware on her plate and wiped her mouth with a napkin then laid that on the plate too. "Even if your sisters aren't done, you are?"

That made Sam think. Just earlier she had stood by and let Alex beat a Cadmus man for information. Information that could have led to their dad. That was her answer.

"I don't know. I guess not."

"Family is hard. I don't envy the position you're in."

"What's yours like?"

"Oh." Lucy sucked air in through her teeth. "I don't know if you wanna get into that."

"I shared mine. It can't possibly be worse. Come on, you owe me." Sam caught the waiter's attention and handed him her card. Lucy looked pleasantly surprised when Sam's attention went back to her. She shrugged, "You said I owed you lunch."

"I didn't think you'd actually follow through."

"Whatever." Sam motioned toward where the guy went. "I can go ask him to split it if you're gonna make a big deal about this."

"No, no. There's no deal. Just pointing out that it was a nice gesture. I wasn't sure you were capable of them." Sam rolled her eyes. "And Sam, I'm kidding. I know you're not that bad. I caught you at a bad time is all."

That was nice to hear, and made Sam like Lucy a hell of a lot more. Especially if she was given Sam's file. Usually that was enough to send people running the other way.

Sam made quick work of the tip and receipt when the waiter came back. Lunch was a nice break but she was itching to get back. Guilt for having a good time was seeping in. She hoped she wouldn't see Winn when they got back, that would only make it worse.

In the car, Lucy got around to answering Sam about her family. It was short and to the point. Not a whole lot of details or emotions.

"I have an older sister. She's dating Clark, Kara's cousin."

"I know who Clark is." Sam responded a little annoyed that Lucy felt the need to explain.

"Just making sure." She repositioned her hands on the wheel. "Lois and I don't get along. I told you a little about my dad. He's…hard. I don't really talk to him anymore after my time with the DEO. He's uncompromising, to say the least. That's all there really is."

"Can I, uh…ask about your mom?"

"You can." Lucy gave one long nod, her eyes not coming off the road. They hadn't since she started this conversation. "She lives in Metropolis. My parents have been divorced since I was little. We don't talk a whole lot. She's pretty close with Lois."

"Oh." Sam wasn't sure what to say to that but out came an awkward, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's not like I never talk to her, we just aren't close."

"Right."

Lucy laughed a little, looking at Sam briefly. "How about we listen to some music?"

The rest of the ride was filled by day-time radio. Sam was surprised at the stations on Lucy's presets as she went through them. She had expected pop, or maybe country but there was a little of everything. Classic rock, the chart topper stations, country.

"Do you need to go report to anybody?" Lucy asked as they were walking in to the DEO.

"I don't think so. J'onn sent me to you. I figure he'll probably send for me if he needs me."

"Okay then. Let's get to it."

Sam found nothing. All day, no matter how she looked at the information Lucy was giving her, there was nothing that told her what Cadmus was up to or where they were taking the aliens or why. It was frustrating. By the end of the day, the positive turn she and Lucy had taken at lunch was nonexistent. Sam was bitter and testy. She had forced out a terse apology to Lucy before she left but the woman hadn't wanted to hear it.

The quiet of Sam's apartment was welcome after all of that. She laid sprawled across her bed, still dressed and boots on. One light on in her kitchen made for just enough to see. She focused on her breathing, trying to get a grip on herself. In and out. Slow and steady and calming. The buzzing of her phone, still in her back pocket, interrupted her.

 **-I need you to come over. ASAP. (A)**

Sam sighed and dropped her arms to the side, one arm covering her face. When it rains, it pours. Or, for them, it was just always something whether it was rainy or not.

She forced herself up and out the door. Alex wouldn't be reaching out if it wasn't serious. Sam couldn't afford to ignore this. She felt a sense of debt to Alex too. She had taken Sam in when Sam felt like she had nowhere else to go. Even when Alex wasn't overly joyed to see her, she was there for Sam. It was Sam's turn to be there for her sister.

Sam wasn't the only one called on to be there for Alex. She walked into her sister's apartment to find Maggie at the table. "Hey."

"Hey Sam."

"What's going on?" Sam asked Alex. She could tell that her sister was off. The amount of nervous energy coming off her made Sam want to fidget.

"Kara will be here soon."

"Alex, that doesn't answer my question."

"Just…" Alex put a hand up, stopping long enough to actually talk to Sam. "Wait. Okay? And thanks for coming. I wasn't sure you would."

"Yea, of course."

Alex resumed her pacing and tidying and constant moving. Sam went to the table where Maggie was. She looked at Maggie with eyebrows up and eyes wide, she mouthed 'what' and Maggie pointed to the chair next to her.

"She's…I don't know. When she texted me what happened, I wasn't ready to walk into this. I guess–"

Kara interrupted whatever Maggie was going to say. She knocked then came in, "Alex?"

Alex turned and went to Kara. Her middle sister seemed concerned, looking at Alex like she was going to explode. She looked to the couch. "Hey Maggie, Sam." She was focused back on Alex, "I heard what happened. J'onn shouldn't have done that to you."

"Done what?" Sam interrupted. "Will someone please tell me what happened?"

Kara turned, she put a hand on Alex's wrist. "J'onn showed up, looking like Jeremiah and basically tricked Alex. When she said she would help him, J'onn turned back and suspended her from active duty."

"He did _what_ now?" Sam immediately went into pissed sister mode. She liked J'onn, a lot. She totally understood why he was considered family but that was crossing a line.

"It was a betrayal," Alex went on, turning to Kara. "and unfair, and I need you to explain that to J'onn, and just ask him to put me back on the case."

Alex was begging. Flat out begging and on the verge of being hysterical at the idea of not being able to help. Sam was starting to see that. Alex thought that if she was off the case than she was of no help to their dad. She failed.

Kara looked down. Sam was interested how she would handle this. J'onn's method of testing Alex was beyond messed up but he made the right decision. He should've made it after their stunt with the Cadmus hostage.

"Well, I…" Kara started, she still wasn't looking at Alex. "I don't agree with his methods."

"Yea." Alex breathed out, relieved. Sam knew it would be short lived. The look on Kara's face said it all. Alex just wasn't looking for it. "But I do agree with his assessment. I think you should sit this one out."

Kara looked at Alex as she said it. Maggie looked away from them with a slight wince. It seemed she knew that was where Kara was going too.

"What?"

"Alex," Kara pleaded, "I heard what happened. You lost it while interrogating a suspect." Kara's eyes shifted over to Sam for a moment. "What's going on?"

Alex immediately jumped on the defensive. "That's not what matters! What matters is our father an-and that there's still good in him, right?"

She turned back for Sam's support but not waiting long enough for her to give any. Not that Sam would. She wasn't sure she agreed. Alex was on the verge of tears. Her voice was watery.

"So I just…I need you to convince J'onn 'cause I _have_ to be there when we find Cadmus…"

"Alex." Kara tried.

"I have to be there to protect him."

"Alex, listen to me." Kara stepped into her, bring her hands to Alex's shoulders. "I am not going to let anything happen to Jeremiah, I promise, but you are putting all your focus on him when you should be focusing on the aliens we're trying to find."

Sam saw Alex realize that Kara really wasn't going to help her. She turned away, looking first at Sam then at Maggie. Kara continued on.

"And when we find them, you risk making a bad call, putting him in danger, or worse, getting yourself hurt."

Maggie stood up as Alex looked back to Kara. Alex didn't seem to know where to turn or what to do. More than anything, Alex seemed hurt that Kara wasn't on her side.

Kara's watch started beeping. She checked it and grimaced. "I have to go. I'm sorry. I, I-I have to figure out how to get this article to run. I'll call you later."

And then she was gone. Alex stood staring at the door. Her hand came up and she pointed to where Kara was. "I assume you agree with her."

Sam looked to Maggie who motioned her to wait. "Actually, I don't." Alex turned quickly. "You wanna protect your dad? That's what you need to do."

"Then you'll help me?"

"Ride or die." Maggie smiled, she gripped Alex's arms. "Where do we start?"

"With you." Alex looked at Sam. "I need you on this. Please, _please_ tell me you've got my back."

"Alex, I…"

"It's Dad. We have to do something, Sam."

The ache in Alex's voice was enough. This wasn't about their dad. Maybe it was for her sister but for Sam this was all about Alex. She thought her dad coming back was tearing her apart but it was nothing compared to the state she was in now.

"I got your back."

Alex moved away from Maggie and pulled Sam up, into a tight hug. "Thank you."

Sam looked at Maggie over Alex's shoulder, her hands coming up to hug her sister back. She hoped Maggie could see her hesitance about this from just her look. "Yea, no problem."


	92. Chapter 92

**A/N: It is so obvious what I'm setting up. So obvious. I won't deny it. I'm excited. I'll ask that you remember the amount of time these two people have been forced to spend together in these few days. I hope you enjoy this as much as I do. Also. This is 100% why I needed extra days in the 'Exodus' timeline.**

Having Alex's back didn't result in anything right away. Sam spent two more days working with Lucy. Chatting and reluctantly getting to know her, having the woman force meals outside of the DEO on her. Sam couldn't find it in her to care. Not really. There was too much going on besides that to give it any real resistance. That was her first mistake.

It was actually the opposite. And _that_ , Sam did not enjoy. Nor did she enjoy her usual tells. The signs that she… _liked_ someone. The possibility alone sent Sam into a long process of denial. Especially when she should be focused on so many other things. She didn't have time for a stupid crush.

But like with anything, Lucy Lane didn't go along with what Sam wanted. Sam still denied the hell out of it. As best she could.

Sam's mind latched onto the idea and kept it around, like it was the perfect distraction from everything else going on. She had never had so difficult a time shutting her feelings off. It was also easy to blame Alex and Kara for that. Sam hadn't tried the whole feeling shut down since reuniting with her sisters. They were making her soft.

And they were making her socialize. Again. That's how Sam found herself at a table at Noonan's for dinner and drinks. The alien bar had closed down since it had been attacked; no one wanted to risk Cadmus striking there again.

All the usual suspects were there. Alex and Maggie, Kara and Mon-El, James, Winn, Sam. And Lucy. She had almost walked out when she saw Lucy there but then that would have raised questions that Sam was most definitely not willing to answer.

And then, by a wicked twist of fate, guess who Sam ended up sitting next to. Lucy Lane. Sam was so caught up in asking why fate was so cruel that multiple times she had to be dragged back into the conversation.

When it was time for another round and their waiter was nowhere to be found, Sam jumped on the offer to go up to the bar. Maggie offered to be an extra set of hands and joined Sam. After they ordered and were waiting, Maggie started her interrogation.

"What's up with you tonight?"

"What do you mean?"

Maggie rolled her eyes. "Oh, come on. Not that you're normally a social butterfly but it seems different tonight. Everything alright?"

"Yea." Sam answered, her voice notching up. "I'm fine. Just a lot, ya know, going on and stuff."

Maggie eyed Sam. "And stuff, huh?"

Sam sighed, resigning to the fact that Maggie knew it was not the normal 'stuff' her family had been dealing with. She just hoped she could keep Maggie off the trail.

"So maybe…it's not just stuff but I don't want to talk about it. It's…it's nothing. Like there's nothing to really talk about any way."

"Whatever 'it' is has got you flustered." Maggie smiled, pleasantly surprised. "I've seen this version of Sam one time and I didn't really realize it for what it was until right now."

That caught Sam off guard. When had she ever been flustered, of all things, around Maggie? She thought hard. Then she was frantically trying to get Maggie to shut up.

"You _like_ someone!"

"Ohhhh my fucking god!" Sam's hands came up. To cover Maggie's mouth or hit her or…just wave around randomly like they were. "No. Shut up."

"You. Dooo! This is great! Who is it?!"

The bartender put their drinks down and Sam busied herself with picking them up. "No. That's not it so you should stop saying that."

Maggie chuckled and took the glasses from Sam. "Hang on. Just slow down."

Sam stood there and tried to project just how much she didn't want to be having that conversation. It only made Maggie laugh harder, and probably did nothing for her argument.

"Do you wanna know how I know?"

"You know nothing, so there's nothing for me to know."

"I'm honestly surprised you're so bad at hiding this. Now, sit down and let me tell you even if you don't want to know." She waited for Sam to huff and sit on the stool behind her. "Remember when you tested for the DEO and then were all sulky about quitting CatCo?"

"I was not 'sulky'."

"Okay, maybe a poor choice of words but you definitely didn't want to. Because of one person in particular. I don't remember her name but you were kinda like this about it."

Oh. Sam felt her cheeks heat up at being caught. Maggie noticed; if the smirk on her face was anything to go by. Why did she have to be a stupid detective?

"So, now that we have cleared up that you _are_ in fact interested in someone, tell me who it is."

"No."

"Come on, Sam! I'll figure it out eventually. Do I know her? It is a her, right? I just assumed because of last time but it could totally be a guy. That's cool too."

Sam stared at Maggie. She was not having this conversation. The ball had already been dropped on keeping it to herself, she didn't need anything else slipping out.

"It's definitely a girl. I can't see you with a guy. I'm sorry, I just can't."

"We're not doing this."

"It seems like we already are so you should just give in already."

"Hey." They both turned to see Lucy coming up to them. Of. Fucking. Course. Sam kept her face blank. Indifferent and stone cold. "What's taking you guys so long?"

"Ah, my bad. I was giving Sam a hard time about something." Maggie answered. She was an asshole but still a good friend by not including Lucy in the giving of hard times. "Perfect timing though, we totally needed more hands."

Lucy didn't seem to want to let them off the hook that easily. She narrowed her eyes at Maggie then focused on Sam. She didn't ask though.

Not right away. Lucy bided her time, waited until everyone was in some conversation or another around them. Then she leaned toward Sam, "What was Maggie giving you a hard time about?"

Internally, Sam froze then freaked out. Externally, she calmly reached for her glass and took another sip. She tilted her head to look at Lucy in the same conspiratorially position that she was in, with their heads together to whisper.

"Nothing."

"Bullshit." Lucy leaned back upright. "You just don't want to tell me. I'll find out, Sam."

"No." Sam shook her head. "No, I don't think you will because Maggie doesn't even know."

"Hmm." Lucy tapped her chin with a smirk, narrowing her eyes at Sam for the second time that night. It was damn attractive and Sam ignored the hell out of that thought. "Work related?"

Sam shook her head.

"Persona life then. A little harder but I'll still get it out of you." Lucy thought. "Family?"

Another head shake.

"Love life."

Head shake. Drink.

Lucy's smirk widened. "Love life it is."

Sam spluttered, ungracefully. "Uh, what? How did you come to that conclusion?"

"Well, one because you take a drink when you're uncomfortable. And two, all of that." Lucy swirled her finger at Sam and her reaction. "You're much easier to read than you think."

"No."

"Yes."

"Whatever." Sam stopped fighting. She knew that would only make it look worse. "You can think what you want. It doesn't make you right."

"Have a boyfriend, Sam?" She asked in a fake sweet voice, like she didn't know that she was right. It was infuriating.

"I do not, Lucy." She mimicked.

"A girlfriend?"

"Still no."

"But more along the right lines, right?"

Sam tipped her head to agree. She may not go yelling it from the roof tops but she didn't care if other people knew. Who she was attracted to sure wasn't worth lying about either. Sam just didn't like people in her business unless they needed to be. She still wasn't sure what about Lucy meant she needed to be. Oh yea. Sam's _stupid_ crush _on her_.

"You're interested in someone then." Lucy looked satisfied with herself as she took a drink. Sam found herself doing the same. "Told you I would figure it out."

"That you did. How ever did you figure it out? You must be so smart." Sam teased. She scoffed and took another drink. "You didn't really figure out shit."

"I figured out enough and that's more than half the battle in the court room. Just wait, Sam. I'll get you to spill your heart out in no time."

That analogy hit a little too close. Sam was fine with it all until Lucy went there. She clammed up and Lucy noticed. She instantly switched out of the know-it-all demeanor.

"Hey, sorry. I was just kidding. I'll, I'll leave it alone."

"It's fine." Sam brushed off, cursing herself. She bolstered her walls and dived back in. "You really might as well leave it, it's not like you'll figure it out."

They went back and forth a little more. Joined the greater conversation. Most of the night went by without any more hiccups from Sam. She shoved her stupid attraction to Lucy in a corner and ignored it.

Around mid-day the next day, Lucy began talking. Not an uncommon occurrence as they worked. Sam had never been overly chatty and lately, with her family and that day because of her almost slip the night before, she was even less so. Lucy constantly complained about it, and her solution was to force conversation on Sam. Even if she didn't participate. Lucy didn't really care.

"I dated James for over a year. We broke up before he moved then got back together so I don't really know how long specifically but for sure, over a year."

"And you're telling me this why?" Sam asked, trying to talk and read through one of her reports from a couple weeks ago. It didn't seem to be corrupted. That was good. About 80% of what they were going through was.

"I don't know. I figured he probably didn't tell you. He isn't a real big talker."

"Thank you so, so much for filling me in. My life was lacking with that piece of information missing."

Lucy laughed quietly. "Remember when I called you Cujo?"

"Yes."

"This is why. You are unnecessarily aggressive."

"Being told random information about someone warrants a little aggression I think."

"Oh right, because if it were up to you, we'd work in silence."

"We could always turn some music on if the silence bothers you that much." Lucy frisbeed a file at Sam that flared out and went everywhere before it hit her. Sam looked around at it, "I'm not picking that up."

"Then I guess it's staying there."

They worked on a little longer. Sam was tempted to play some music, just to mess with Lucy but she didn't. The DEO actually had a strict policy on music during on-duty hours. Which was at all times except, oddly enough, two in the morning through four thirty. Those were the only hours when music was allowed.

The quiet work time didn't go on for long. Lucy could only last ten minutes before breaking the silence. Sam had kept track yesterday. She had been waiting on Parker to give her access again but instead of leaving to go do other work, Sam had stayed in the conference room and kept track.

"Before I dated James, I was in a longer relationship." Sam hummed that she had her attention. She was trying to remember if anything weird happened during the delivery she had logged. "It was through college and my first year in the Army."

Sam didn't think anything happened that day. It felt vaguely familiar; she thought that was Alex's shipment of microscope slides. Nothing special at all.

"We tried the whole long distance thing when I got stationed in Colorado Springs but she couldn't handle it. That's why I broke things off right away with James. I really struggled with that break up and didn't want to go through anything like it again."

No longer was Sam thinking if the shipment had been run of the mill. She was furiously rewinding that sentence and trying to convince herself that she misheard Lucy say 'she couldn't handle it' or maybe that she meant 'she' as in Lucy couldn't handle it.

"Sam?"

"Huh?"

"You still with me?" Lucy leaned down from across the table to be in Sam's line of sight. Sam straightened from her screen. "Did you find something?"

"Oh, uh. No. I just couldn't really, uh, remember this shipment but I'm pretty sure it was nothing." Smooth, Sam told herself.

"You're sure? We can't really make guesses here."

Sam shrugged, letting go of what she was actually thinking about and letting work take over. "Like I said, I'm pretty sure. I think it was a shipment of stuff for the labs."

"That's not perfect but I'll trust your judgement. I wouldn't know so I can't weigh in on it and, with everything going on, I don't feel good about pulling someone else in."

The next day, Lucy texted Sam an address to meet her at. Urgently. It was a coffee place, Legends Coffee. Sam was unamused since she was up and out of her place an hour earlier than was needed. For breakfast. Not an emergency.

Sam marched up to where Lucy was in line, "Why in the hell am I here?"

"Well good morning, Cujo. See, that nickname is perfect. Even first thing in the morning you're aggressively grumpy."

"I'm not grumpy." Lucy raised a brow. "Okay. Fine, I'm extremely grumpy about being dragged out of bed for coffee instead of what I thought was an urgent matter."

"It is urgent. We won't get to leave for lunch today so I thought we should get breakfast."

"Lucy." Sam started. She stopped and ran a hand through her hair, taking a deep breath to not go off. "A breakfast text should not _ever_ include the words 'urgent matter' or are you forgetting what I do for a living? Those words are reserved for life or death type situations."

"Now that you say that," Lucy brought a finger up, "I can see how that text might have caused you stress but you're here now, relax and have some breakfast. At the very least coffee."

"I don't drink coffee."

"Then have some freaking tea. Maybe that'll get you to calm down!"

Sam sighed. She was already there. Might as well. That didn't mean she was going to stop being pissy about it. Lucy could deal with it for a little longer after making Sam race across National City.

"Fine."

They ordered then found a table, a number stand on their table signaling the waiter when their food was ready. Lucy had a tall cup of some long-named coffee that Sam had already forgotten and she had a medium hot chocolate. After spending so much time with Kara, it was Sam's new morning drink of choice.

"Why don't we get to leave for lunch?" Sam asked.

"Technically, you could." Sam dropped her head back and scoffed. Of course. Lucy smiled and shrugged. "Sorry. I have a conference call with superiors about what I've found so far."

"Does that mean you're leaving?"

"Probably not. It's just them checking in but I guess it could, if they decide it isn't worth me digging around anymore."

That wasn't what Sam wanted to hear. She knew Lucy's job would be done sooner rather than later but she hadn't really given it thought. Especially not after she realized she liked Lucy. Working with her was her new normal. Sam didn't like the idea of having to find that again.

"Gonna miss me, Cujo?"

"No." Sam said with a short laugh. "And god no to that stupid name. Stop."

"When you're less aggressive the name will go away."

Sam rolled her eyes and took a drink to hide her smile. As annoying as it was, it was funny too. The dumb kind of funny that was only funny because Sam liked Lucy.

Their food came. They ate. It was, despite the stress that started it, a nice morning. Until Lucy ruined it.

"I think I know who you're interested in."

Sam slowed down chewing her food and swallowed, took a drink. All to buy time just like the other night when Lucy started this same conversation. This time felt a little different.

"Really?"

"Yea."

"Let's hear it then." Sam sat back, bringing her hands up to motion Lucy to bring it on. Indifference wasn't going to work for her right now. Over-confidant would have to do. "Who is it that I'm interested in?"

"Me." Lucy answered simply. Smugly. She was waiting for Sam to deny it.

Sam rose both eyebrows, let a slow smile form. She looked down and chuckled a little. All a show. Inside was a steady mantra of 'shit, shit, shit, fucking shit'.

"That's a little presumptuous, isn't it? I mean, I did just meet you."

"I know. That doesn't change anything though." Lucy smiled wider, more confident in her answer. "It's still me."

Sam brought her wrist up and flipped it to check her watch. To get to work on time, she still had about fifteen minutes to spare. She needed an out though. Now. Sam was ready to run. She was good at it but it'd been a while and there was no time like the present to brush up on her skills.

She reached down like she was going for her phone. It was in her back pocket but she ignored that fact, going for her other pocket. A hand came up to pat the chest pocket above her heart.

"Shit." She looked at Lucy and smiled, a little bashfully. "You're gonna think I'm running from this. I'm not, really. I think I left my phone at home."

"Really?"

"Yea." Sam started to stand. Lucy stayed seated, looking a little confused. "And if I don't wanna be too late then I need to go."

"I can drive you."

"Nah." Sam waved her offer off. "You got that call to get ready for. Don't worry about it."

Then Sam was gone. Thankfully, they had paid when they ordered. Otherwise that would not have gone as smoothly as it did. Sam scoffed at herself. Smooth was not what she would call that get away.

Nor was it a true get away. "Hey Sam."

She turned, only about ten feet away from the building she had just left. Lucy was standing there. With Sam's phone in her hand.

"You forgot this." She smirked. Then it grew soft around the edges and Lucy tipped her head, looking up at Sam. "I'm not going to force you to have this conversation. It's obvious you don't want to but I'm pretty damn sure you're interested in me. Which is fine, better than fine because it's mutual."

There wasn't a whole lot of processing. Well, no. There was but mostly Sam felt the need to leave. Go. Run. Fold in on herself and deal with what Lucy was saying.

"You can do whatever you want with that information. I'm not gonna wait around forever though, Sam. Process. Deal. Make a decision. Whatever you need to do but don't take too long."

With that Lucy turned and went back into the coffee shop. Sam stood there, dumbfounded. Slowly, she left. There was still the fact that she had to get to work. She could care less how early she was after what just happened.

After the initial shock, Sam felt pretty good about herself. Lucy liked her too. It was reassuring to who she was. But then everything in Sam's body rebelled against it. Because Sam wasn't someone who dated because she wasn't someone people should date.

There were her many and varied daddy issues and their resulting habits. Like avoiding emotions and self-destructing and an abundant lack of self-worth or esteem. Then there were the ways those issues manifested themselves. Like anger and fighting and drinking and all her other reckless tendencies.

As nice as it felt, Sam wouldn't do anything with what Lucy said. It made her feel bad but it was better for her in the long run. Better for both of them, not just Lucy.

Sam had hoped that she could get reassigned when she got to the DEO. That was a pipe dream though. J'onn stonewalled her. He didn't care about any of the bullshit reasons she came up with.

So, with her feet dragging, Sam made her way to Lucy's conference room. She was organizing the usual chaos of papers they worked with into some semblance of order. For her call, Sam reminded herself.

Lucy didn't look up as Sam came in. "Figure out what you're gonna do?"

"What? Oh." Duh. "Uh, nothing."

That made Lucy look up. She seemed surprised. She gave a nod. "Okay then. Will you get rid of those boxes over there? We don't need them anymore."

"That's it?" Sam wasn't sure what she was expecting but it wasn't that. It kind of hurt.

Lucy stopped and smiled at Sam, a touch exasperated. "I'm not going to push you into this. You'll come around or you won't. Plus," Lucy looked around them then back at Sam, "we're at work. I'd hate to be unprofessional when my reputation is literally the only way I get jobs. So, those boxes?"

"Sure."

It was a little awkward. Sam wasn't that great at social cues in a normal situation but now, everything felt amplified and wrong. She settled though. Lucy didn't give her too hard of a time about being so awkward either. A smile or a laugh here and there but that was it. They muddled through it.

The night ended with Lucy on another call. Sam stopped short on her way back in from a training session. Lucy had a hand up and shook her head. Then she waved. A clear dismissal. Sam waved back then headed out.


	93. Chapter 93

**A/N: The next several chapters were added in because I had better ideas. As a result, they have not been edited. Sorry for any mistakes! I have eight chapters ready for posting! Woo! I'm super excited about it too so I'll be posting frequently! Thanks for reading :)**

It would normally be a day off for Sam. But with everything going on, she didn't feel right not going in. She'd take her time in the morning though. J'onn had yet to call the situation an all-hands on deck type of thing. There was just a certain level of responsibility felt to help out.

The morning was pleasant. Decent weather so Sam opted to go for a run around the city instead of on the treadmill. Maggie's precinct was a good distance away, a couple miles. Sam furthered her decision by picking the precinct as her destination. It would give her a chance to check up with Maggie, maybe see how Alex was doing or even simply talk to her friend in an effort to decompress.

The ease that Sam ran with was the icing for her day. Finally, her chest was relaxing from that hit she took from her dad. The other days she had tried to work out it had been hell. Her breathing was difficult which only spurred Sam into more intense workouts because of her stubborn refusal to take the time she needed to heal properly.

Half way there, Sam took a detour. She was feeling good and wanted to push herself a bit further. It was less than a mile, maybe less than half but it was enough to get her feeling like she did more. Another fifteen minutes and a sweaty, heavily breathing Sam made her way into the precinct. A few looks were tossed her way but most people paid her no mind. One detective gave her a less than pleasant look. He was the one who dealt with Sam before Maggie took over, all those months ago when Sam first got into National city.

Maggie was at her desk, hunched forward and scanning her computer screen. She looked too focused; in that way that meant she was getting nowhere. As she reached blindly for the mug on her desk, Sam called out so she didn't scare her.

"Hey." Sam pulled the chair out in front of the desk and sat down as Maggie looked up, an easy smile sliding into place.

"What's up, Sam?"

Sam shook her head. "Went for a run. I thought I'd stop in. I haven't seen you in a few days."

"Yea." Maggie sighed, sitting back in her chair. "Alex has me looking into anything and everything."

"Finding anything?" Maggie shook her head. Sam was aware of her own relief at that but she also saw Maggie's. She gave her friend a questioning look. "If I didn't know better I'd say you're happy about that."

Maggie gave a defeated shrug. "I don't know what I am about it. I told your sister I was ride or die, and I am. I'd do anything for her, Sam, you know that but all of this worries me. She's…I don't know."

"Too invested?"

"Something like that. So, I don't know. Am I happy I'm not finding anything? No. I wanna find your dad. For Alex. And you and Kara. You guys deserve closure, in some way, on this. But, I'm not exactly upset that I've got nothing."

"I got you." And Sam did. That made perfect sense. It was somewhere along the same lines as what she felt. "So, uh…" She dug around for a new topic. It was too often about her messed up family, not enough about Maggie. Sam may be a little skewed in the social/emotional realm but she knew enough that that wasn't fair to Maggie. "How're the Rangers doing this season?"

Maggie laughed. "Baseball? Really? Not your best, Baby Danvers."

"Well, I don't know!" Sam smiled back with a shrug. "It seemed like a good enough topic."

"They're awful. Dodgers?"

"Better than the Rangers." Sam smirked. Maggie tossed her pen at Sam which made Sam laugh.

"Yea, yea. Whatever. What do you got going today?"

Sam settled more comfortably in her chair. It felt nice to talk to Maggie about nothing in particular. Sports, plans for the day. A part of her felt guilty for feeling comfortable. Wrong time. It was the same feeling as her lunch with Lucy the other day.

That thought threw Sam into a different train of thought. She did her best to cover it up as she answered Maggie. It wasn't going to work. It was clear in her voice.

"Uh, ya know. I'm gonna go in and see what I can help out with. Winn's pretty sure he figured out how to triangulate where Cadmus is."

That was a lie. Why did she say that? It just spilled out. Sam mostly hoped that Maggie latched to that and not the nervous hints in her voice. And it worked. Good thing or not, she was going to find out.

"Really? Does Alex know?"

Sam shook her head. Poor choice of lie. Abort. Abort. Abort. She backtracked quickly. "Actually, no. My bad. He figured out a way to tap into the cameras around the bar and he's going to see if he can figure out the Cadmus team's approach and then use _that_ to see if he can find Cadmus."

Maggie stared at her, slightly confused. That was a solid cover up and a solid plan. Of course, Sam had no idea if that was possible but she could suggest it to Winn she got into work.

"So…no Cadmus whereabouts?" Sam shook her head. "That was confusing."

"I know." Sam laughed nervously. She scratched at her temple then ran her fingers along the top of her hair. She smiled lopsidedly with a shallow shrug. "IT and tech isn't exactly my strong suit. It's all confusing to me."

"Touché." Maggie rose her hand to point at Sam then let it fall back onto her arm rest.

"What, uh, about you?"

Maggie's hands both came up as she gestured around them. "Work. I've got a case to follow up on and two scheduled patrols but otherwise, I'm here until someone needs me. Slow day."

"Ah. That sucks." Sam grimaced. That was the worst part of their jobs. The waiting. And the waiting always ended in something bad. Just the nature of their jobs but it was still hard.

Maggie tilted her head back and forth. "Is what it is. I'd rather be here and ready to help. Especially with everything we've got going on."

"Yea. I feel you; that's why I'm going in today. I mean, even being here feels weird."

"You gotta take care of yourself though. Even if it is like a social taking care. Everyone needs to reset or decompress, even more in our jobs."

"That's what Alex told me the other night. Lucy too." Sam hadn't noticed the slip. It was just part of the conversation. Lucy had told her that. She was calmed down by now and lost in the conversation, resetting and decompressing like Maggie said.

J'onn still having you work with Lane?"

"Yea. He thinks it'll help since she's looking into Cadmus too. She has access to a lot of our old files and yours too, actually."

"Mine? Like NCPD files? How in the hell did she get that without me knowing?"

Sam shrugged. "She hasn't exactly said but I'm pretty sure her current bosses are really high up there. I think she has access to whatever she needs."

"Huh." Maggie made an impressed face. "You like her?"

That caught Sam. A confused or maybe shocked or some kind of awkward bark of a laugh forced its way out. Then she floundered. "Uh. What? Do I…? Why would you, uh…what?"

Maggie watched the whole thing with eyebrows raised. Then slowly they came down and the movement continued down her face with a smirk, once again, sliding into place. Shit, Sam thought. Not what Maggie was asking, not like in that kind of way but it was about to be what she was asking.

"You alright there, Baby Danvers?" She was smug. Sam hated it; her cheeks threatened to heat up at being caught but she forced it down. Brick wall, brick wall, brick wall.

Not that Sam's reactions were listening to her brain. "What? Pfft. Yea, I'm totally cool."

Sam's eyes slipped closed at hearing herself. Maggie laughed, even more smug at catching Sam. "That sounded _exactly_ like Alex. You totally like Lucy!"

" _Shut up._ " Sam hissed. She looked around, uselessly since she didn't know anyone there except Maggie. Her body heated up in embarrassment all the same.

"Oh my god. I was right! The other night when I called it that you liked someone. Damn, I'm good." Sam rolled her eyes at her. "But Lane? I would not have guessed Lucy. I guess I can see it though." She looked away from Sam, up and to the left, thinking. "Yea, I can totally see you and Lane."

"Stop."

"Hell no. This is like gold, Sam. You never admit anything!"

"And this is why." Sam groaned. She leaned forward so an elbow could rest on her arm rest, two fingers coming up to rub between her eyes. How could she have let this slip?

"Chill, Sam. It's okay; I'll tone it down." Maggie reached across her desk hit Sam's arm a few times until she dropped it and met Maggie's gaze. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to embarrass you or whatever about this."

Sam sighed, resigned to the fact that Maggie knew. There were worse people to find out. Like Kara. "Whatever. It's fine. Just…don't…"

"I won't tell anyone." Maggie sat back, putting a hand over her heart and raising the other palm out to Sam. "But Sam," Maggie smiled, gentle and excited, "this is awesome! I mean really."

"It is not awesome. In no way is this awesome."

"Why not?"

Sam let her head drop back as she sat heavily against her chair. She groaned. This was not what she wanted to talk about. Sam wasn't good at admitting when she was less than good at something. And dating? Or even just liking someone? Not good at that.

"Come on, Baby Danvers. Talk to me. I happen to be pretty good at all this."

That had Sam looking at Maggie again, eyebrow up. Not exactly what she wanted to hear from her sister's girlfriend. Maggie rolled her eyes.

"Okay, not like that. I actually fucked up pretty bad with Alex. I meant the whole advice thing. I'm good at giving advice. So, go ahead. Talk to me."

"Don't you have work to do?" Sam tried. Maybe she'd get lucky. She could always get up and leave…that would effectively stop the conversation.

She wouldn't do that to Maggie. Not to her friend. If she told Maggie she wouldn't have the conversation then it wouldn't happen. Maggie was good like that. Only pushing when necessary and they both knew this wasn't exactly necessary.

"Sorry, kid." Maggie shook her head. "Waiting around here until I'm needed, remember?"

It wasn't likely that Sam was going to remind Maggie of work and she'd magically get busy. Sam wasn't that lucky. That left two options. Talk it out. Tell Maggie no.

Sometimes it was eerie how well Maggie read Sam. Or people in general. Mostly it was annoying how well Maggie knew Sam.

"If you really don't want to talk about this, we don't have to. I'll respect that but we both know you won't talk to Alex or Kara and if you let this go, it won't end well. You try to bottle things up, Sam but you're a verbal processor. At the very least a physical processor. So, talk to me. Let's figure this out so you have a little more control of what's going on."

Begrudgingly, Sam had to admit that was true. Bottling up almost always ended in an explosion. A verbal or physical one. The very few times she had tried to talk things out, for the most part, it had ended well or at the very least better. She toyed with the idea a little longer.

It felt wrong. Working up the courage to start the conversation felt like it was going against Sam's natural grain. She opened her mouth once but covered up that attempt with a deep breath. Maggie waited patiently. A comforting and encouraging smile on her face. Sam looked at her then away. Too much attention. Too much emotion. Her eyes erratically studied the wall behind Maggie. Two diplomas, a few framed newspaper clippings, a couple frames. Maggie's career on a wall.

"I don't know."

"You don't know what? If you want to talk about it or if you like her."

Sam paused. Her eyes narrowed as her instincts came roaring. "I mean, I don't exactly _like_ her. Like I wouldn't put it like that."

"How would you put it then?"

The amusement in Maggie's voice was grating to Sam's confidence to have this conversation. It was a valid question. Sam knew that there was no other way to put it. She would deny, deny, deny though. To herself and others because she was not good at this and didn't want this.

"I like being around her." Sam shrugged. Her eyes darting to Maggie then away again. "I wouldn't– it's not like…anything."

"You practically admitted to it a few minutes ago, Sam."

"No." Sam looked at Maggie firmly. "I didn't even say anything, not really. And what I meant was to not tell anyone because it wasn't true."

Maggie rose her eyebrows and dropped her chin, giving Sam a look that was calling her on her bullshit. Sam scoffed and looked away. Deny, deny, deny. Even if she already sort of admitted it.

"Sam. Come on."

She looked pointedly away from the woman across from her. This wasn't going well. Maybe she should've gotten up and walked away.

"Sam."

She was running out of things to look at on the wall. Her Temple University and Gotham University diplomas gave Sam little to look at. She'd already read all the clipping headlines. The actual articles were too small for her to read from her seat. The pictures were hard from there too. Maggie with a group of kids and teens in front of a building. Maggie in uniform, shaking hands with an older man. She turned her head to the room around them.

Maggie sighed. Sam heard her chair being pushed out then the seat next to her scrapping against the floor. Maggie's voice was much louder as she tried again, "Sam."

Sam matched Maggie's sigh from a few minutes ago. She swiveled her head to look at her friend, now sitting right next to her. She didn't say anything, just left the floor open.

"You answered me. When you said I don't know, you opened this conversation. Part of you wants to do this so come on, talk to me. You know there are absolutely no judgements from me."

"Fine."

"Do you like Lucy."

"Kind of." Maggie gave another look. This one not having any of Sam's downplaying. She rolled her eyes. " _Fine_. Yes."

"Was that so hard?" Maggie smiled, playful. Sam gave a look of her own. Not amused. "No jokes, got it." Maggie tried to push her smile away. Her success was marginal. "Does Lane know?"

"She kinda asked me about it." Sam looked away again as she admitted that. Her body was heating back up, uncomfortable with this conversation.

"Seriously? Why didn't we start with that!? Tell me what happened."

"Well, uh…she figured out that you were giving me a hard time about liking someone at Noonan's."

"Oh shit. That was probably horrible for you." Maggie chuckled a little bit. "She walked right into that conversation!" Sam glared at Maggie again. "Right, right right. Not funny."

"No. It wasn't. It was awful."

"Did she call you on it that night?"

Sam shook her head. She fought the smile that was threatening to pop up. It was with a mix of nervousness and happiness that she thought of that 'urgent' breakfast she had with Lucy.

"No. We had breakfast yesterday."

" _Yesterday?_ Shit."

"Yea. She said she figured it out," the more Sam talked the easier it got to recount the events. When she started, it was like pulling teeth. Now, as she got to the meat of the conversation, it was flowing. Easy. "When I asked her who, she said her. I, uh, kinda panicked and left. I said I left my phone at home which was the worst excuse I could have come up with since I left it on the table."

"Oh no."

Sam nodded. "I didn't get very far. Lucy caught up to me and handed me my phone back. She said it was okay if I liked her because…uh…"

She faltered there. For some reason it felt weird to say this to Maggie. Once again she was fighting a smile and turned away as she finished.

"She said she liked me too."

"What!?" Maggie practically yelled. She smacked Sam's arm a few times. "Sam! That's great! We should be having a completely different conversation! What the hell!? What happened next?"

Sam smiled at Maggie's excitement. It was contagious. Not that she wanted it to be. Sam reminded herself of her original gameplan: deny deny deny.

Before she could answer, a voice from behind them sent ice into Sam's veins. No, no, no, she thought. Please dear god, no.

"What are you guys talking about? I could hear you as soon as I walked in." Sam's fears were confirmed as Alex walked around Maggie's side, leaning down to kiss her cheek. Her fears were further cemented as Maggie began talking, obviously without thinking by her excited tone.

"Hey! You're honestly never going to guess what happened to Sam." She smiled at Alex then cringed and turned to Sam. She grimaced out a smile. "My bad."

"What happened?" Alex asked as she perched on the corner of the desk close to Maggie. "What's your bad?"

Sam signed and closed her eyes. "What are the chances you can forget the past minute and not ask any questions?"

"Zero. What's going on?"

Sam covered her eyes with her hand. "Nothing. Please just let it drop."

"Okay, no." Maggie butt in. "You are finishing this story. I can't handle that cliff hanger, Baby Danvers. Don't do that to me."

"Seriously, what in the hell is going on with you two? You're both being weird." Alex looked at them like they were crazy. Sam cracked her fingers and looked at Maggie then Alex. She didn't say anything. Wrong move. Maggie took that as permission.

"Sam likes Lane and Lane likes her back!"

"Maggie!" Sam groaned. She shifted so both hands covered her face.

"What!?" Alex said, almost as loud as Maggie had a few moments ago. Her tone was lighter than Sam had heard since their dad. It almost made Maggie's betrayal okay. "Seriously? You like Lucy?"

 _"Shut up!"_ Sam hissed out, just like at the beginning of her conversation with Maggie. It was awfully similar and the prospect of going through it again was overwhelming.

"Oh no! My little sister has a crush. A _mutual_ crush. There will be no shutting up!"

"You get yourself together, kid." Maggie said. "I'll fill Alex in."

And boy did Maggie fill her in. Every little detail, some of Maggie's own added in. Mostly from the Noonan's dinner and then little things Sam did while telling her. It was gross. Sam groaned quietly at the prospect of continuing the story.

"Oookay. You definitely can't leave things there. What happened!?" Alex leaned forward and pulled one hand away from Sam's face.

"Nothing happened."

"Nope." Maggie said. "That answer does not fly, we need more than that!"

Sam shrugged. Alex being there didn't have the effect she thought it would. Sure, at first, she was nervous and on edge but her sister didn't ruin that flowing of the story she had settled into. Not really. Sam was stuttering through it now because she hadn't actually processed or dealt like Lucy had told her to.

Another sigh from Sam. Another shrug. "I don't know. At breakfast, after she told me, she said I could do whatever I wanted but she wasn't gonna wait around. Then, at work, she asked what I was gonna do and I said nothing."

Maggie groaned. Alex spoke over it, "You didn't."

"What?" Sam asked, defensive with another shrug. Her shoulders were going to start hurting after much longer. "I'm not going to do anything."

"Oh Sammy. Come on. Don't do that to yourself. It never works out the way you want."

"Seriously. Take it from me." Maggie added. Alex narrowed her eyes at her with a smile and kicked at Maggie's leg. "I tried that. Failed at that. And I'm pretty damn lucky your sister hadn't written me off when I came crawling back with my tail between my legs."

Sam looked at them both, confused. She had no idea what they were talking about. Maggie looked confused herself before it dawned on her.

"Riggghht." She drawled out. "You don't know. Great, let's relive _that_."

"Serves you right." Alex replied in a playful tone.

Maggie laughed a little self-consciously. "So, uh, your sister and I were friends during her whole coming out then she kissed me. I panicked because I just got out of a relationship, I wasn't in a great mindset. The whole nine yards, ya know?

"Anyways. She was not happy with me. It took a couple weeks just to get her to talk to me again. Then I almost died."

"Oh my god." Alex laughed. "It was not even that bad!"

"I got shot! You literally had to stitch shut a hole in my body!"

"But you did not almost _die_."

"Whatever." Maggie waved that away and continued. "The point is, I realized that saying no to Alex was stupid because it hurt her and I wasn't happy."

"She came over with pizza and beer."

"You're favorite." Sam interrupted, lost in the story and not thinking too much of why they were telling it. She always wondered how they got together.

"My favorite." Alex nodded. "And then she made this whole big speech then kissed me."

Sam rolled her eyes. "Oh my god."

Maggie laughed. "Shut up. It totally worked. But, the point is. I wish I hadn't fought it so hard. I could've saved Alex and myself a lot of trouble. Not to mention, I wasted time."

That was a good point. What if it did work? A sulking voice cut in that it wouldn't. Sam didn't react to it. She sat passive with her sister and friend. No clues to what was going on in her mind on her face.

"Give it a try, Sam. Or at least think about giving it a try." Alex weighed in. "Let yourself be human."

"I'll think about it." She agreed, if only to appease them and end the conversation. She stood, straightening her back. Enough time had been wasted, if she was going to go in then Sam needed to get going. "I'm gonna head out. Working today?"

"Yea. I'm actually here on DEO business." She turned to Maggie. "Got a minute?"

"Of course."

Alex looked back to Sam. "Are you going in?" Sam nodded. "Good. We could use the extra hands. Report to J'onn first then Winn. No matter where J'onn sends you, make sure you check in with Winn. He's still a little…"

"Worried?" Alex nodded. "I'll get there as soon as I can and check on him."

"Let me know what you decide." Maggie said as she joined the Danvers sisters on their feet. Sam gave a flat lipped smile as she turned. That wasn't going to happen but Maggie could think whatever she wanted. Sam threw a wave over her shoulder as she left.


	94. Chapter 94

It was bad enough Alex and Maggie knowing. Sam really should have realized that it wouldn't stay between those two. That was why she kept everything to herself in the first place. Even people with the best intentions let things slip.

That was the only reason Sam could think of for a very excited Kara standing in front of her. In her full Supergirl gear and a wide smile. She was bouncing in place, ready to explode from excitement.

Sam let a sigh out, what felt like her fiftieth of the day. Her eyes slipped shut for a moment. When they opened, Kara looked even more excited. If that was possible.

"What?" Sam said, unamused and resigned to the fact that she knew exactly what.

"I talked to Alex." Kara stage-whispered.

"Why are you whispering?"

"Because I doubt you want people to _know_!"

"That wasn't even quiet though."

"Oh." That took Kara down a few notches. She was now a more manageable level of excited. Her hand came up to wave Sam frantically out of the computer bay. Sam looked around her, saw Parker and Vasquez, before she followed Kara. She wouldn't leave the bay unmanned. Not normally and definitely not in their current situation.

"Was Alex telling the truth?"

Another sigh. No use in denying. That game plan was already dismantled. That didn't mean Sam had to make it easy. "About what?"

"Lucy!" Kara beamed then quickly looked around them. Sam assumed to make sure no one heard. "She said you…" another quick glance, " _like_ her. Like, like-like her."

"Why are you guys talking about me?"

Kara smiled wide and pointed at Sam. "That's not an answer."

"Fine. Yes. I do. Happy?"

Kara's s squeal made that question useless. As did her clasped hands in front of her. The tight, quick hug also answered her.

"Oh my god! That is so _exciting_! Did you think about it yet?" Kara gasped. "Please tell me you made a decision and I can be the first to know! Rao! This is so exciting!"

"Kara." Sam said. Blunt and only slightly annoyed. Another part of her was amused by her sister. And excited because no matter what, Sam couldn't shake that small spot of excitement over all this. She was, in fact, only human.

Her sister looked at her expectantly but obediently quiet. She even tried to turn her smile down a little bit. No longer was it wide and toothy. Still wide but a closed seam that was so close to breaking out into the same megawatt smile from moments before.

"Calm down."

"Okay!"

"Calmer."

Kara rolled her eyes. "You're no fun! I am calm!"

"You're not. You're crazy. Just like Alex and Maggie."

"That's because this _never_ happens, Sam!" Kara's shoulders slumped. She grabbed Sam's hand and shook it. "We just want you to be happy!"

"And I appreciate that but do you know what makes me really happy? Privacy."

"Oh, shut up. This is so far past privacy."

"Tell me about it." Sam muttered.

"Just…hear me out, okay?" Kara let go of Sam. She folded her arms across her chest, slightly uncomfortable with the conversation and Kara's touchy tendencies. "What have you been telling me about Mon-El?"

The question caught Sam off guard. Kara had just asked her to listen. Not participate in the conversation. She answered cautiously, not sure where this was going. Too preoccupied with her having to have the conversation. "To let yourself feel what you feel."

"Exactly. And to do what feels okay." Oh. Duh. Sam rolled her eyes at herself. Kara interpreted it for her. "No, seriously. If you like her then let yourself like her. Don't make this a whole big deal where you're fighting yourself against it. We're in enough fights as it is, Sam. Don't make yourself an enemy."

Another good point. Maggie had one. Now Kara. Maybe she should give it a shot. Would Lucy even hear her out after the initial nothing decision?

"I don't know…"

"You won't unless you give it a try." Kara smiled, softer than the excited ones she had been sporting. She grabbed Sam by the shoulders and gave her a quick hug. "Don't be dumb!"

Then she was walking away. Sam took another deep breath before returning to the computer bay. Parker looked up from his tablet as she took up her spot from before. "What was that about?"

"Nothing." Sam shook her head. "Sister stuff."

He nodded then went back to work. Her sisters might know. Maggie might know. Sam would guess that J'onn did, being a telepath and all. Hell, even Lucy knew, but she was not ready for Parker to know.

Winn had tried Sam's idea. It was coming up with no results. That's what Sam was monitoring for. It was frustrating. Cadmus was frustrating. And infuriating.

Before too long, J'onn returned to the bay. Sam hadn't seen him since he tasked her with helping Winn. That had been a surprise itself. He nodded to her as he stopped and talked with Parker. Then he was standing next to Sam.

"Parker says there's been nothing."

"Not even a change. We've ran facial recognition through all the cameras in a ten-block radius of the bar." Sam summarized. Parker had probably given the same information but she had no idea what else to say and no seemed like too little.

"Hm." He hummed. His eyes going over the different monitors. "We won't find anything here then. Report back to Ms. Lane; see if you can turn anything up, catch something we might have missed. Anything at all, Sam."

"Yes sir."

Well this moment of truth was convenient. Sam made her way to Lucy's conference room, trying to bolster herself. Kara and Maggie were right. She could give herself a chance with Lucy. Why fight it? Because you're a masochist who ruins everything, a very small and nagging voice reminded Sam. She shoved that thought away. She could do this.

She paused outside the glass door. Lucy was, as she always was, hunched over several papers. She went from one to the other, checking over facts and times and logs. Before Sam could run away, she placed her palm on the door and pushed. Here goes, she thought.

Lucy looked up and smiled. "Hey Sam."

"Hey."

Sam didn't move around the room like she normally did. She stayed where she was, moving only to let the door close behind her. Lucy had looked back down but at Sam's weird behavior, she looked back up.

"Everything okay?"

Shit. Shit. Shit. "Oh, um. Yea. I just…"

Sam was freezing. Her chest expanded too much. It was tight, she was nervous. Her throat and her mouth wouldn't work how she wanted. It should be easy. The words were right there: I change my mind. We should try this.

"Sam?" Lucy came around the table. She looked concerned. She stopped in front of Sam. "Just talk to me. What's wrong?"

"Nothing. It's…ya know, I. Uh." Quickly, Sam was getting angry. At herself. At Lucy for having this effect. "Just– Nevermind. Forget it."

"No." Lucy's arms folded over her chest. "You're being weird and you're going to talk to me."

"It's nothing so let it go." Sam moved to go to her laptop, left in the conference room since it had been her office, of sorts, since being assigned to helping Lucy.

Lucy did not let it go. The opposite. Her hand caught Sam by the arm to stop her. Stubborn determination on her face.

"Is this about yesterday?"

"I said let it go."

"What the hell, Sam?" She dropped her arm. " _You_ are the one who decided not to do anything. Now you're being weird. We can't afford to be weird, not with what's going on!"

"You think I don't know that!?" Sam roared back. Lucy didn't back down.

"Obviously not. Spit whatever it is out so we can move on!"

"Fuck this." Sam sneered. She stalked over and snatched her laptop off the table. She walked out, telling Lucy as she walked by, "I'll be in Alex's lab."

 _That_ was way Sam decided to do nothing. _That_ was why Sam always decided to do nothing. Because nothing was better than _that_.

She swore at herself as she made a beeline to the lab. What an idiot, she thought. What a fucking idiot. Great job, dumbass. Sam couldn't believe how completely incompetent and ridiculous she had just been.

Alex looked at her when she walked in but Sam cut off anything she might say. "Don't. I'm not in the mood and I don't want to talk about it. _Please_ respect that for once in my fucking life."

Alex's eyebrows went up. Thankfully, she listened. "Got it."

Sam did what J'onn wanted. She poured over the Cadmus files she had access to because of Lucy. She did not work with Lucy. Technically going against orders. That didn't matter. The job was getting done and it was going to have to be good enough.


	95. Chapter 95

**A/N: Your reviews are cracking me up! I thought I'd throw you all a bone! Thanks for reading!**

The time in Alex's lab helped Sam calm down. It did not help the humiliation that was setting in. Sam was fed up with herself. She didn't understand how she could've lost her cool so completely. Nor did she understand why she was so nervous to talk to Lucy. She literally knew Lucy liked her back. That fear should have been quelled by that fact.

Her sister had respected what was said. Alex didn't try to talk to Sam or ask her what was wrong. They worked in silence. And worked and worked. They worked through lunch. Sam ate before she came in and it hadn't been long enough to be hungry. She didn't know Alex's reason but there was an inkling as to why.

Not long after lunch, a light knock pulled both sisters out of focus. Sam turned but turned right back around with an eye roll when she saw who it was. Calmed down maybe but Sam was not ready to deal with Lucy.

"Hey. What's up?" Alex greeted.

"Hey Alex." It was easy to hear the smile in Lucy's voice. She seemed genuinely happy to see Alex. "Nothing. I missed lunch and was coming to see if you guys wanted anything? I'm gonna run out."

There was a pause. Sam ignored it. She ignored everything and tried to get that focus she had a minute ago back.

"I'm good. I brought stuff, just haven't had time to eat yet!" Another pause. "Sam?"

She grunted, not turning around. Like hell was she going to turn around. Not today. Not right then.

Lucy answered. "Come get something to eat with me."

"I'm fine. Thanks." It was concise. Just barely on the right side of polite.

"Sam." Alex sighed quietly.

A hand gripped Sam's shoulder and pulled her around. Lucy looked down on her, just slightly taller than Sam seated on the stool. She raised one eye brow.

" _Please_ come with me."

Sam looked at her. Then at the computer. At the wall behind the computer. She shook her head slightly. "Fine."

Lucy's hand fell away. She was walking away as she spoke, "I'll be out front. Meet me there."

Then she was gone. Sam turned back to her computer and started shutting it down. Alex was quiet but had not yet gone back to work. It was too quiet in the lab for her to have.

"What was that about?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Ah." Alex was quiet again. "Crash and burn?"

"What did I _just say_? I don't want to fucking talk about it."

Alex put her hands up. "Don't take it out on me. I was only asking. It doesn't seem too bad if she wants you to go with her."

"Doesn't matter. I'm done."

"Sam, come on…"

"Leave me alone, Alex." She said as she left. Sam didn't want anyone else's advice. The advice she took hadn't worked out well for her.

Sam didn't even know why she was going. Lucy was the absolute last person she wanted to be around. It was like she couldn't say no though. Against her better judgement, Sam had agreed.

Lucy was exactly where she always was when she waited for Sam. About half way to the street in front of the DEO and off to the right. Just like always, she waited only long enough for Sam to get to her before she walked away, forcing Sam to fall into step next to her.

It was quiet until they turned onto the sidewalk, no longer directly in front of the DEO. "We aren't at work anymore."

Sam didn't say anything. She had a feeling this was going in a direction she didn't want. Not at work wasn't exactly a good thing to her at the moment.

"So, if you wanted to talk to me, this would be a good time."

Sam climbed into Lucy's car, still not answering. Lucy was a few seconds behind her. She turned toward Sam instead of starting the car.

"You really aren't going to talk to me? Then, why in the hell did you come, Sam? Seriously. Please explain that to me." Lucy snapped.

"Why the fuck did you invite me?"

"Because I want to talk about this!"

"I don't."

"Too bad." That made Sam turn toward her. She was ready to snap back but Lucy didn't give her the chance. "We work together. This can't just sit in the middle of us and get worse. You don't get to act like a child because you don't know what you want."

"Don't sit there and act like you know me."

"I do! Sam, it's been a week and in that week, we've worked literally all day, every day together. I've seen your worst and I've actually seen your best. Despite how hard you make that, I've seen it. And right now? You're pouting because you're embarrassed."

"I'm not doing this." Sam got out and slammed the car door behind her. Lucy was quick to follow. She stormed around the back of the car and cut off Sam's path back to the DEO.

"You _are_ doing this. I can't work with you like this. You've had a hard week, I get it but you are not taking this out on me. Get it together."

That seeming subject change grated Sam. Lucy was in her space, maybe a foot in front of her and staring defiantly up at Sam. She ground her teeth together.

"What in the fuck do you 'get'? Explain that to me. Is it the part where my dad came back into my life after fifteen years or when he beat the shit out of me when I tried to stop him from betraying us? Or maybe it's the part where I try to keep what's left of my family from falling apart?"

"Actually no, it's the part where you're a colossal asshole for no reason!" Lucy shot back. "No one likes a martyr, Sam."

"Fuck you."

"Classy." Sam tried to move around Lucy but she moved with her. "We aren't done. We are talking this out so it's not a problem anymore. I'm done taking your shit, Sam."

"If you leave me alone then you don't have to deal with it."

"But I don't want to. I told you I liked you. I meant that. You may not want to do anything about that but I'd like to at least be friends!"

The venom that Lucy spoke the words with skewed their meaning. Sam reacted without thinking. The whole conversation seemed to be happening without thought.

"I didn't mean that!" Sam's words were running into each other in her anger. "But you shouldn't want anything to do with me. This right here is an example why. So fucking deal with it and let me go back to work."

Lucy deflated a little. She was still stubbornly blocking Sam but she seemed less angey. Just annoyed now. "Is that what you were trying to say earlier?"

The sudden lack of heat in her words derailed Sam. The question seemed out of place. "What?"

"Earlier, in the conference room. You wanted to change your mind."

"It doesn't matter." Sam muttered, looking away from Lucy and trying again to walk away. Lucy again got in her way. This time her hands came up against Sam's biceps to stop her.

"It does matter."

"No." Sam bit out. "It doesn't. It doesn't because I couldn't say it then and it doesn't because of this conversation right here. Now let me go, Lucy."

"I'm letting you go but we aren't done. It matters."

 _Finally,_ Lucy stepped to the side. Sam stole at glance at her but a short one. Her emotions were fried. She was done. Done and ready to lose it. Fighting with Lucy had taken a lot out of her. More than she realized. The worst was the guilt that settled in.

Once in the DEO, Sam didn't go back to the lab. Not to the computer bay either. Nor did she report of Alex or J'onn. Sam went straight to the elevator. Down to the bottom floor. A right to the large white training room.

Thankfully it was empty. No recruiting. Not surprising with what they were going through. Sam messed with some of the dials until she got to the screen on the main computer that Parker had shown her. She set it to random. Then, she made her way to the black start line.

The walls and floor in front of her shifted and moved. She took one deep breath. Then another. Sam would run this off. The guilt and the other feelings. She'd stay in that training room until it was all gone. Maybe even until Lucy was gone. A swoop in her stomach called her out for lying. Sam ignored it.


	96. Chapter 96

When Lucy found Sam, she was sore and drenched and dangerously out of breath. Her lungs burned like they did that night with her dad, snagging her breath away before it made its way all the way in or out. She did her best to ignore the woman.

Lucy stood on the far right side of the starting line. Out of the way but there. Visibly there. Undeniably there. Sam ran another course. Then another.

She didn't make it to three. Sam's last course had been difficult. The guns shooting more bean bags than any of the others. For the most part, Sam had a natural gift for dodging them so very few of them made contact. Except for during that run. One had hit Sam right on the ribs of her right side. At short range. With just enough pressure and at just the right spot to send her to her knees.

Sam grabbed her side with one arm, the other keeping her up. The room instantly brightened and Sam could hear the different parts retreating back into the walls. She gasped and sputtered for breath. It wasn't like before but it was close enough.

There was no panicking. Sam was too tired for that but there were half-curses and her supporting hand came down hard on the floor. She couldn't believe she let that happen.

A gentle hand rested on her back. Next to her, Lucy was kneeling. Sam lowered the hand cradling her middle to better support herself. She turned her head to look at Lucy.

"Are you okay?"

Sam sucked in a shaky breath to answer. "Fine."

"You're being dumb."

Another breath. "Alex says that's what I'm good at."

Lucy smiled. She sat back and took her hand with her. Sam sat but leaned back onto her hands in an effort to straighten her airways.

"Can we talk now? Without fighting."

"Sure."

"What were you gonna say today, in the conference room?"

It was probably lack of air that gave Sam the clarity of mind to tell the truth. Or the physical exhaustion. Maybe it was the relative seclusion of the training room.

"That I changed my mind."

"Did you?" Sam shrugged. "What about now?"

Another shrug. Lucy didn't fill the silence. She waited for Sam to speak.

"Now, I think that I was wrong and I should still do nothing."

Lucy looked away, toward the far end of the room. Sam ignored the different kind of guilt settling in her stomach. "Fair enough." A few moments of silence. "Why?"

That was a complicated question. It would require a lot of introspection but beyond that, it would require Sam to admit most of her flaws out loud. It was one thing to be aware of them. Admitting them was something else entirely and Sam wasn't sure she could do that.

She settled on one. The easiest one. The one she could use as deflection. She smiled halfheartedly, "Daddy issues are at the top of the list."

Lucy didn't smile at that. Sam's quickly dropped. "Sam." Lucy started then paused. "Sam, I like you. I'm not completely sure why but I do."

"Wow. Thanks." She muttered in response.

"But that's why. That right there. You make it _so hard_ , and I'm not doing this back and forth. Every day I deal with a different Sam. It's hard. And, maybe it's because of all this stuff with your dad and your family and everything else but I can't do this," Lucy pointed at Sam then back to herself, "if you don't let me."

With that, she stood up. She seemed sad and that made even more guilt pool in Sam's stomach. It mixed with a heavy sadness that she did not like. Lucy looked down at Sam.

"I really do want to do this. I know what I said, that I wouldn't wait and Sam, I promise you it won't be for long, but I need you to get it together. I want this enough to give you a chance to do that."

Sam watched Lucy walk away from her. As much as she hated the way it felt, she didn't stop her. There was no guarantee that Sam could get it together. That was the whole reason she first told Lucy that she wouldn't do anything about them. It felt even more unlikely that she could do it now.

Parker found her next. Sam was laying in the middle of the training room on her back. That was as much as she had moved since Lucy left. She felt paralyzed. A mental paralysis or maybe a defeated one. Either way, it didn't feel good.

He sat next to her then, when Sam didn't acknowledge him, laid next to her. Sam's head dropped to the side, looking at him. He did the same with a smile.

"Lucy said you were down here." Sam looked back up to the ceiling. Of course Lucy sent him. Just what she needed. "Everything okay?"

"Why did she send you?"

"Dunno. You guys figure out how in love you are yet?"

"Shut up." Sam tried half-heartedly. And of fucking course Parker knew.

"I'm guessing no since you're still down here. Wanna talk about it?"

"No."

"Okay."

They laid there for a while longer. Neither of them talking. Parker didn't push. He laid there patiently but Sam could feel his curiosity and his need to tease her. It was like Maggie and Kara rolled into one. But arguably smarter than both of them put together.

"Say it."

"What?" He tilted his head to look at Sam.

"Say whatever it is you want to say."

"You're sure?"

"I'm lying in the middle of a training room. I don't think I'm sure about anything, Parker. Let it rip."

"Remember that you gave me permission. I'd rather you not rip my head off because you aren't going to like it."

"Whatever. Just say it."

"You're being an idiot."

"Thanks."

He pushed himself up into a sitting position. "No. I'm serious, Sam. Lucy's great and you like her. I get that you're all damaged and broody, that's your image, but maybe you should try to be happy. Just once, give being happy a try."

First instinct was to do exactly what Parker told her she couldn't: rip his head off. But Sam still felt paralyzed. She listened passively.

"If this last week has shown me anything, it's that you _deserve_ to be happy. I mean…shit, Sam. The things you've had to deal with? The scales have got to balance themselves out and maybe Lucy will do that for you. But you gotta do something about it. Life doesn't just happen to you. You gotta _do_ something about it."

It was a good speech. Who knew Parker had it in him? All good points. But Maggie and Kara had good points too and that made things worse.

Sam stored his words away. Maybe she would get to doing later. Right then, life could happen or it could not. She was feeling like she did during those two days off to cope. Defeated and helpless and hopeless. It was just one big pity party.

"How'd you know?"

"She made you feel better after all that crap with your dad and you _let_ her. That's huge for you, Sam. You don't even let you help yourself." He smiled down at her. "What now?"

"Nothing."

"Get up." Parker rolled his eyes and stood. He reached down and grabbed Sam by her wrists, hauling her up. IT agent be damned, Parker pulled her up like a weightless ragdoll. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself. It's pathetic and not at all like the Sam I became friends with."

Little do you know, Sam thought. She wondered why Parker thought she drank. Or why she got in fights. It was all some form or another of feeling sorry for herself. The idea that he thought better of her made Sam feel a little better. It made her want to be more like what Parker thought.

"Do I really need to give you a 'go get the girl' speech? I thought my 'get off your ass' one was good enough. Really, the lines between them were a little blurred but I've got a killer 'get the girl' speech. Just say the word."

Sam stared at Parker. A small smile slipped out. He returned it with a bigger one. His hands came down on her shoulders and he shook her a little.

"Better but come on, you've got more than that. Maybe say something mean. That usually means you're in a good mood."

That made her laugh. She shrugged his hands off and responded without thinking. "You're so dumb."

"Ha! There it is! There's my grumpy Sam!"

He threw his arm around her and Sam pushed him off, still smiling. Damn Parker. She hated how good he was with her. It was nice though. She was grateful to have him.

"Now," He started, walking next to her with the normal distance between them. "What are you going to do?"

Sam sighed. "I still don't think I should do anything."

"Sam, come on." Parker groaned. "You _should._ Just think your normal 'fuck it' and do something about this. You're being stubborn for no reason." He paused and held the door out of the training room open for Sam. Once out, he continued, "Do you trust me?"

"With my life."

"Then, and prepare yourself for how cheesy this is gonna be." He smiled at her. "Trust me with your heart." Sam laughed out a groan at him. "No, I'm serious! Trust me and go tell Lucy that you like her and you want to give it a try! Tell her that you aren't good at this and you'll mess up but you wanna try. Just be honest."

"I wouldn't listen if I was her. Not after today. I was _mean_."

"You're always mean, Sam. It's part of your charm." He smiled and let his eyebrows pop up. He laughed when Sam punched his arm. "No but seriously, it'll be okay. Apologize if you feel bad. That'd probably be a good idea. It really doesn't matter though, as long as you do something."

Sam thought about it. She thought about what Parker had said and what he was saying. She thought about Maggie and Kara. She thought about Lucy.

Then, as Parker rambled on about nothing in particular on their way back up to the main floor, Sam thought about herself. She gauged if she could get it together like Lucy asked. She wondered if she could be honest like Parker suggested. It all came down to one question: could she be better?


	97. Chapter 97

**A/N: Took a page from Maggie's book for this. Enjoy!**

By the time Parker and Sam were stopping in the computer bay, Sam had made her decision. She could be better. She had already been doing better.

Sam was a different person from who she was when Alex offered her a place to stay. A few steps backwards had been taken after the Cadmus hack but that was understandable. Sam was doing what she could to make up for that. The more she thought about it, the more convinced she was that even in how she dealt with the aftermath of her dad was better.

She had friends. She had actual relationships with her sisters. In the past, Sam had none of those things. The closest she had to friends were the soldiers she went to the bars with and they were just the ones who annoyed her less than the others. As for her sisters, it was a few texts throughout the year.

Now, she saw Alex and Kara daily. And enjoyed it. Sam had Maggie and she had Parker. James, Mon-El, and Winn were her friends too. She had good working relationships with agents at the DEO. She had J'onn and her mom, even if that relationship wasn't any better at least it was still there.

Sam could be better because she was already better. She scoffed as she walked out of the computer bay. Leave it to Parker, of all people, to finally get through to her.

Lucy's conference room was empty. The lights off. Alex was in her lab, alone. The training rooms were likewise Lucy-less. Sam checked the med bay just to cover her bases. No Lucy there either.

She talked herself up as the realization of having to ask came to her. Sam thought about who to ask. Alex may or may not know and she would most likely give Sam a hard time. Parker wouldn't know. He was with Sam for the past half hour. Winn was still in his own stress-filled world.

Sam decided on J'onn. He wouldn't find it out of the normal for her to be asking after Lucy. He might ask where she's been but Sam could say training and that would be a justifiable answer.

He was in the computer bay. Eyes steady on the monitors, arms crossed, and back tense. Parker wasn't too far from him so Sam decided to pull J'onn away.

"Excuse me? Sir." She called out from the other side of the circular table that signaled entrance into the computer bay. J'onn turned then walked over to Sam.

"What is it, Sam?"

"I was wondering if you knew where Lucy was?"

"She left for the day."

"Oh, uh. Okay. Do you…um happen to know where I could find her? Like outside of the DEO."

J'onn rose a slow eye brow up. Sam really hoped he wouldn't ask. Then she really, _really_ hoped he wasn't reading her mind.

"Sam. You aren't technically on duty so I can't stop you from leaving. All I ask is that you keep your phone on and close to you."

"Yes sir."

"I have no idea Ms. Lane might be but I suggest asking James if it is important."

Sam suppressed a groan. One, for the emphasis J'onn put on important and two, for remembering James. How could she have forgot? It was _James_. Her friend. Who dated the woman she was interested in.

"Right. James…Thanks J'onn."

Not thinking, as was the trend for the day, Sam turned from J'onn and made her way out. She missed the way the Martian smiled slightly with a head shake. She pulled her phone out and shot a text off to James.

It was interesting. The 180 turn-around Sam was feeling. Not even an hour ago, she was avoiding her feelings. Now she was ready to not only admit them to Lucy but talk to James about them. A little anxiety creeped in as Sam hailed a cab and told the driver to take her to CatCo.

Sam worked to keep her thoughts rational and logical. No spiraling pessimistically or jumping to unreal conclusions. There was only so much she could control. Herself. That was it. Sam reminded herself of that over and over. It had a calming effect.

The driver thanked her joyously for the generous tip she gave. She waved herself out of the car and shut the door while he was still thanking her. Sam turned and looked up to the top of CatCo. One small breath then she was striding forward.

Security didn't give her any problems. The guys on duty remembered her. Sam talked to them for a few minutes before excusing herself as politely as she could. Instead of the main elevator, Sam made her way to the far one. Otherwise known as James's elevator. Kept out of the way for privacy.

James was on the phone when Sam walked in. He tipped his head up at her then held up a finger. He laughed and charmed his way through the call. When it started to drag on, he made a 'seriously?' face at Sam with a small head shake and pointed to a seat in front of him. She took a seat and waited. She was surprisingly calm. A little nervousness and dread pooled in her fingers, making her hands feel stiff but otherwise, she felt good. Ready for this.

"Sorry about that." James said as he hung up the phone. "Perry could talk all day."

"He say anything about Clark?" Sam asked. She didn't really care but Kara hadn't mentioned anything about her cousin in a while. Neither had James.

"Nah. Well, not really. Perry just wanted to know if we were going to cover Superman's latest run in with Morgan Edge."

"Morgan Edge?"

"I don't really know." James shrugged. "Clark hasn't said anything to me about it so I assume he's got it under control."

Sam nodded. That made sense. He was _Superman_ after all. Clark was fine and if he wasn't, then Sam was sure that she would know about it.

"What can I do for you, Sam?"

"Oh. Uh…" Game time. Sam pulled up her walls and defenses. The things that made her feel untouchable. She didn't plan to use them but it felt good to have them up. "I wanted to talk to you about Lucy."

James smiled and leaned back in his office chair. "Did you now?"

That threw Sam off. He sounded, and looked, amused. "I did…"

"Go ahead then." James gestured that Sam had the floor. She looked at him for a few more seconds but then thought, as Parker said she should, fuck it.

"I, uh…well, listen. This is kind of awkward but I know you guys used to date."

"We did."

"But you aren't anymore."

"We aren't."

"And I sort of, um, like Lucy and she told me she felt the same. I kinda already fucked up a little so I need to find her and I don't want to ask anyone else and I also needed to tell you that. In person. Because you're my friend and deserve that."

Sam left out the part about forgetting about James. He didn't need to know that. To her further surprise, he smiled wider.

"I was wondering when you were gonna show up."

"What?"

"Lucy told me already."

"Oh."

"Not about the messing up already though. Care to explain?"

Sam was not found of the protective tone to James's voice. She'd rather not have him giving her a hard time. "I just didn't handle things how I should've but that's why I'm here. I need to talk to Lucy."

"Have you tried calling her?"

"I want to do it in person."

"Okay. Well, I'll give you her address on one condition." Sam nodded. "Stop messing up."

He cracked a smile before reaching for a post-it note and a pen. It was quiet as the pen scratched out what Sam needed to know. She couldn't believe how easy this had been. It was surreal. Like maybe Parker was right. Like if she stopped fighting it, the world was trying to right the scales.

"Good luck." James reached across his desk with the note in his hand. Sam took it.

"Thanks." Sam paused before turning to walk out of the office. "You're cool with this?"

James shrugged. "We ended things mutually. I want Lucy to be happy and I want you to be happy. If this is how that happens then cool."

"You're sure?"

He laughed again. "More than sure, Sam. Now get out of here."

She didn't wait to be told twice. Sam thanked him again before walking out. She thought about stopping to see if Kara was in but thought better than that. Not before what she was about to do. Kara would only make her nervous.

Curiosity got the best of Sam as she left. Instead of using James's elevator, she opted for the main ones. She wondered if Emma was still working at CatCo.

She was. Sam smiled when she saw her. It was lacking something though. She wasn't as excited as she used to be. It could be lack of familiarity. Sam hadn't worked at CatCo in months. Or, Sam realized, that old crush had faded out. She hadn't really seen it as a crush before. Rearview clarity it seemed.

"Hey." Sam stopped in front of Emma's desk.

"One moment please." Emma answered without looking up. At first, when she looked up, it was all business but a smile wiped away the professionalism when she saw it was Sam. "Hey there stranger. How are you?"

"I'm good." Sam answered. She wasn't sure if it was true or a lie for small talk purposes. "You?"

"Oh, still living the dream. What brings you by? Kara? I didn't even see you come up."

"Nah. I stopped in to see James so I used his elevator but, uh…I wanted to stop by and say hi on my way out. It's been a while."

"It has." Emma smiled. "Which I would love to keep talking but I've got two calls on hold. We should go out and catch up some time."

"Oh, uh…" Sam ran an awkward hand through her hair. Something kept her from saying yes. Or someone. Hopefully someone. "I'm kinda slammed with work but if I free up, I'll stop in."

Emma seemed disappointed but she hid it well. She flashed Sam a smile. "Okay. Have a nice day, Sam. Hopefully I'll see you around."

"You too."

In the elevator, Sam looked at the address James gave her. 8873 E Bay Dr. That was back toward Sam's. Well, it was toward Sam's in the sense that it was toward the bay. The nicer part of town toward the bay.

Sam stepped out of the building and scanned the street. There were no cabs but that was probably okay. It was getting close to rush hour. The NC rail would be faster than a cab.

She made her way toward the closest rail station. The whole way thinking through what she was going to say to Lucy when she finally got there. If she was there.

Suddenly Sam was convinced that Lucy wouldn't be there. Then what? She had no back up plan. Slowly, Sam talked herself away from those thoughts. She'd cross that bridge when, if, she got there.

It was farther from CatCo to Lucy's than to Sam's. She used that time to convince herself that this was a good idea. It was confusing. One minute, Sam was sure this was the right thing to do. The next, it was the dumbest idea ever imagined.

Before long, Sam was standing at the Bay Dr. station and looking left then right, trying to figure out which way to go. If she should even go at all. As she faltered, Parker's little speech came to mind. Fuck it, Sam thought.

She was reckless. She was over-confident. She was stubborn. She was sincere and she was honest. Sam needed all of those things to make this conversation with Lucy go okay.

Her steps went from unsure and slow to determined. Sam looked from building to building for the street numbers. Slowly, the businesses and apartments fell away to townhouses. Brick buildings with white trimming, black shutters and doors. Gold numbers signaled to Sam how close she was getting.

8873 gleamed in the setting sun. Sam turned to see it peaking over the building across the street. She checked her watch. It took her longer than she thought it would to get here.

She looked back, to the front door. An iron gate stood between her and her final destination. Sam reached out and rested her hand on it, taking one final moment to steel herself. She could do this. She could be better. She _wanted_ this.

Sam first knocked. Something about the doorbell felt like an intrusion. Too loud and too stark for what she wanted to say. The wood was solid and the knocks were deep.

The wait dragged on. That could be the apprehension Sam was feeling. She never was good at waiting. One minute passed. Before Sam could check her watch to see if any more followed, Lucy pulled her door open. She looked at Sam expectantly.

Sam gave a sheepish smile. "Hi."

"What can I do for you, Sam?"

"I, uh…was hoping we could talk."

Lucy said nothing. After a brief pause, that had Sam's nerves flaring, she stepped to the side in order to hold the door open wider. Sam was quick to step inside. She stood awkwardly, not sure where to go or what to do, as Lucy shut the door.

"Shoes off." Lucy said before walking down the hall.

Sam dropped down to untie her boots. She looked toward where Lucy went as her fingers worked. When the first boot was off, Sam shifted to take care of the other. With both off, she set them carefully out of the way.

The long hallway opened once before it ended. A living room and dining room were to Sam's right, a door way in the dining opened into the kitchen. Which was were the hallway she was in ended. Sam peered around the doorway.

Lucy was standing on the opposite side of her island, a glass of water in front of her. Sam stepped into the kitchen slowly. She was having a hard time reading Lucy. It was clear she wasn't thrilled to see Sam but that was all she could tell.

After a moment of silence, Lucy picked up her glass. Before she took a drink, she prompted Sam, "You wanted to talk."

"Uh. Yea, I did." Sam looked away, briefly to ground herself. Then she turned her eyes back on Lucy and plunged in. "I had a lot of people talk to me about you today. Maggie figured it out and then Alex literally walked into that conversation. Of course, that meant Kara found out too.

"After I talked to them, that's when I came looking to tell you I changed my mind. But I didn't. Not really. They just made it sound like a good idea so I thought I'd give it a try. It wasn't enough."

Lucy set her glass down and looked right back at Sam. Her gaze never faltering. No expression showing. Just listening.

"I didn't really like that. I didn't like that it wasn't enough because I like do like you and I didn't like that I tried and failed."

"So, you went on the defensive."

Sam nodded. It didn't even bother her that Lucy called her out. It was true and it would do her no good for what she knew she wanted now. "Yea. It got worse when you tried to talk to me. I'm, uh, sorry about that by the way. I was an asshole."

"I know all of this."

"I…I know you do. I'm just– Hang on, okay? I'm getting to the point." Lucy took another sip of water. "After you left the obstacle room, when you told me to get it together? Well, Parker came and found me like you told him to. I don't know if you meant for that to have the effect that it did but he got through to me in a way my sisters or Maggie couldn't."

Moment of truth. Sam braced herself for her big reveal. Not that it would be surprising. Lucy already knew she liked her. She probably guessed why she was there.

"He told me I was being an idiot and he was right. I was trying so hard to ignore how I felt that I didn't realize exactly what I was feeling and why and all that shit. So…I, uh."

Sam lost where she was going. There was so much she had thought to say. It was jumbling together. She looked down from Lucy and let out a soft laugh. She brought a shaky hand up to pinch the bridge of her nose.

"Shit. I'm sorry. I…I completely lost what I was going to say."

"It's okay." Lucy replied, a little less edge to her voice than before. "Why are you here, Sam?"

"Because I'm sorry. The way I've been acting isn't okay. You deserve better and I, uh…I want to treat you better. No, that's not…" Sam laughed at herself again. "I mean that I want the chance to make up for my behavior and that I want to try this."

She pointed at Lucy then herself, mimicking her from earlier. Then Sam waited. Lucy studied her. She took another sip then wiped her hands on her pants as she walked around the island.

"You're sure?" Sam nodded. "Really? Because honestly, I am not doing the back and forth, Sam. I swear to god if you–"

That was enough of that. As Lucy got closer and her questions about Sam's commitment got longer, Sam grabbed the elbow of the hand pointing at her. She pulled Lucy into her and kissed her. No thinking. No getting nervous. No backing out. Fuck it, Sam thought. She wouldn't waste any more time.


	98. Chapter 98

Sam felt Lucy with each step into the kiss. The initial shock and freeze, the relax and lean in, and then the hasty step back and the two hands on Sam's shoulders. She tipped her chin down and away from Sam, her eyes slowly sliding back to her.

"Wait." Lucy breathed out. "Just…hold that thought for a minute."

Sam nodded. Happy but confused. A little concerned that Lucy pulled away. Mostly, she was happy and content and super fucking proud of herself. Adrenaline pulsed in her veins, making her feel jittery. Sam ignored it in favor of focusing on Lucy.

Her hands relaxed their grip on Sam's shoulders and moved to hold the sides of her arms then trailed down to grip Sam's forearms, right above her wrists. Lucy let out a short breath and smiled. "You promise?"

"I promise. I'm sure. Honestly. All that other crap you were asking me too." Sam smiled at the eye roll she was given. "I want this… _you_. So yea, I promise."

Lucy's smile kicked up. Instead of leaning back in, like her comment foreshadowed, Lucy stepped back and let go of Sam. "Have you eaten yet?" Sam shook her head. "I didn't think so." Lucy said, mostly to herself. "I was gonna make spaghetti. Would you like to stay for dinner?"

"Sure. Thanks." Sam smiled.

As Lucy walked away from her, she finally took her in. Lucy was in pajamas. Blue and white flannel pants and a too big grey sweatshirt with the Metropolis State University 'M' logo in blue and red. It made Sam feel over dressed in her DEO black.

"Take a seat." Lucy gestured over her shoulder at the bar stools at the island as she raised up on tip toe to reach a pot. Sam did as told and watched Lucy move around her kitchen.

It felt different but like it shouldn't feel different and that had Sam's words escaping her. Not that it was out of the norm for her to be quiet. It was just frustrating now that she wanted to talk to Lucy. But she waited. Lucy would fill the silence soon enough. It'd only be ten minutes at most anyways.

And fill in the silence she did. Lucy talked. Sam listened happily, throwing in comment whenever it was needed or asked of her. When the dinner prep stalled, Lucy leaned against the counter near Sam. Not overly close but closer than she normally would be. It made Sam nervous but she decided that was a good thing. She liked the way Lucy made her nervous.

"So," Sam started when conversation hit a transition. Lucy looked at her, pleasantly surprised it seemed that Sam was starting this one. "This is probably a really dumb question but–"

"There's no such thing as a dumb question."

Sam scoffed. "There are dumb questions. You can't even argue there aren't."

"Whatever." Lucy laughed. "Ask your dumb question then."

"Uh," Nerves set in and these ones were a little more than Sam decided she liked. "So, uh…is this like a date or do I officially have to ask you on one of those?"

Lucy raised an eye brow. "Who said you were going to be doing the asking?"

"I figured it was only fair since I made you do the run around to get here."

"Good point." Lucy placed her chin in hand to make a show of thinking. "I think…that it should be both."

"That makes no sense."

"It definitely does. This can be our first date. It basically needs to be since we had our first kiss already."

"What does that have to do with anything?" Sam laughed and shook her head at Lucy.

"Everything! A first kiss should happen during a first date! Everyone knows that. Have you been living under a rock?" Sam shrugged, not willing to disagree any further. If Lucy wanted their first kiss to be during their first date then so be it. "First date now; you take me out for our second. Sound like a plan?"

"Yep."

Lucy stood as a timer went off. She smirked at Sam at the same time. When she got to the stove, she took the lid off the sauce and stirred it. "Any ideas for our next date?"

"Not a clue." Sam admitted with a laugh. "I'll figure out something good though. Don't worry."

That was the last they spoke about dates. Lucy filled the rest of the wait time with light conversation. Then, they moved to the table for dinner. Talk was scarce as they ate but it was comfortable. It came and went with natural flow; in between bites and sips of drinks.

They stayed at the table long after dinner was finished. Plates and dishes still in front of them. Sam participated more in the conversation, sharing a little bit more of herself with Lucy. It wasn't enough. She could see that in Lucy's slight agitation when Sam would pull back but she didn't push Sam.

It was late when Sam finally convinced Lucy to let her do the dishes. Comments that she looked too cute in her pajamas to be doing chores and that Sam wanted to help out since Lucy made dinner and that Lucy could do the dishes when they ate at Sam's were what got Lucy to agree. Sam squirmed in satisfied embarrassment with each one. They were true and she meant them and wanted to say each of those things but it was a side of Sam that almost no one saw. It was hard for her to show.

"Thanks for doing the dishes." Lucy said as she leaned on her door jamb with Sam right over the threshold on the porch.

"No problem."

Neither spoke. Sam because she wasn't sure what else to say. She just knew she didn't want to leave _quite_ yet. Lucy smiled and pushed off the jamb. She reached out and took the collar of Sam's DEO half zip.

Lucy didn't pull as much as guide Sam closer to her. She stopped right before kissing Sam. "I know you're a badass agent and all but be safe getting home."

Sam nodded and leaned the rest of the way. This kiss wasn't much longer than their first. Brief by any definition but it was enough. Sam was smiling before she pulled away. If Sam had known it would've ended like this, she would not have fought her feelings or Lucy so hard.


	99. Chapter 99

Sam woke up to two texts the next morning. One from Alex. One from Lucy. One made her smile. The other replaced it with a frown.

 **-I had a nice time too! About time you came to your senses! (L)**

 **-Be at my place instead of work in the morning. Maggie found something. (A)**

She must have fallen asleep on Lucy after telling her she made it home safe. Sam shot her a quick text back, apologizing. She debated if she should tell Lucy she wasn't coming in. Her first thought was no but that felt like the wrong decision.

 **-I won't be in today btw. Alex needs me. Fill you in later**

Lucy's response was quick. No mention of Sam's first text.

 **-Be safe**

Sam didn't bother texting Alex. She got up and got ready. If her gut was anything to go by, this was going to be a long day. She just hoped it all went well.

On her way out, she called in to the DEO, specifically asking for Parker, and gave a bullshit excuse. She had also told Parker to just put it in the log, not go to J'onn with it. After this week, Sam was going to owe Parker her entire life. He'd been a lifesaver in so many different ways.

She tried not to think about it. Just follow Alex and Maggie, do her best to have her sister's back like she promised. Because Kara was right. Alex was due for a bad call that would get her hurt. It was up to Sam to make sure that didn't happen.

Maggie had dug around at work and found a few calls reporting a miss-numbered cruiser making the rounds of National City. They had been tailing the guy since then. He hadn't done more than drive around. All the same parts of the city. Slowly, Sam noticed a trend. The same alien was at each stop they made.

Sure enough, the fake officer was walking up to a beat up old car with the blue guy in the driver seat. Sam tensed as the man got physical with the alien. Alex held her back and shook her head. "Take it easy. We'll make sure he's safe but we need that guy first."

Alex walked up behind the _big_ fake officer. "Hey officer, I think that guy needs help."

When he turned, Alex threw all her weight behind a right hook. The momentum threw her off balance and out of the way. Sam dove in, grabbing the guy's jacket and pulling him into her own punch to ensure that he stayed down.

Maggie brought up their rear and fired on the Cadmus agents by the van they had dragged the alien to. After the shots, she smiled at the gun then Alex.

"I gotta borrow this more often."

Alex scoffed. "Yea, right." She looked back at Sam who was detaining the fake officer. "You good?"

"Yea."

Alex and Maggie took off to the van. Alex jumped in the driver seat as Maggie got the would-be hostage out of the back. Sam stood up and gave the officer a solid kick to the middle for good measure.

"Find anything?" Maggie asked as Alex came jogging from the van. Sam stopped in front of all three of them. Their new alien friend was squirming and whining as Maggie uncuffed him.

"Yea, GPS coordinates for everywhere this van has been. I know where Cadmus is."

"Want me to go with you?"

Alex shook her head. "No. I gotta–" She looked at Sam, "We need to do this on our own."

With that, Alex pulled Maggie in for a kiss. The alien rubbing his wrists next to Sam started smiling like a creep, "I wish I had what you two have."

Sam smacked him in the arm. Both Alex and Maggie shooed him away.

"Go away, Brian."

Get out of here."

Maggie shook her head at the guy then reached for Alex's gun. She held it out to her. "You're gonna need this."

Alex took it. She was too caught up in her next objective that she didn't notice Maggie's concern. Sam hung back from Alex.

"Keep her safe." Maggie said once Alex was out of earshot.

"I'll do my best."

"And keep yourself safe. I don't want anything to happen to either of you. Get in there, get your dad then get out. That's it."

"Okay."

Sam handed Maggie her phone and Maggie's keys. They had trailed the guy in two cars. Now Sam knew why. Alex didn't intend on taking Maggie into Cadmus from the start.

"She will leave you. You better hurry up."

Sam nodded and jogged off. It wasn't goodbye. There was no need for one; they were going to be in and out.

She climbed into Alex's car. Her sister didn't say anything, just started up the car and drove off. The ride was silent. The city fell away and soon the airfield was coming up around them. Alex stopped the car about a mile off from the farthest bunker from the city.

They got out and went around to the trunk. Alex opened it to an array of tactical gear. She grabbed a backpack and her gun. Sam grabbed her own gun and then a second, strapped the holster to the outside of her thigh.

"You're sure you want to go in with me? Sam, I can't promise we'll come back out."

"That's why I'm here, to make sure we do."

"Seriously. I think you should stay with the car. We might need a quick get-away."

"I'm not staying with the car, Alex." Sam wasn't sure where this was coming from. Before she had been all about the family solidarity of doing this together. "That never works in movies anyways. You're better off taking me with you."

"Fine. We go in on foot." Sam nodded. "Stay close and stay quiet." Another nod. "Let's go."


	100. Chapter 100

**A/N: 100?! Woah. Thanks for sticking with me through all the twist and turns of our three favorite Danvers girls!**

"Alex, wait."

Her sister was a few steps away from her but came stomping back. Sam couldn't let them go without saying her piece though. Just like Alex felt the need to attempt to get Sam to stay back with the car.

"We don't have time for this. What?"

"What if we can't save Dad?"

"Are you kidding?"

"No. Not at all. I honestly don't know how you have all this faith in him. Maybe it really is because I don't remember him but he betrayed us. Like it was nothing and I don't know about you but it hurts. I'm pissed as hell."

"No. No, no, no. Sam do not tell me you're going to try to stop me."

"There's no stopping you, Alex! That's why I'm here! I don't want you to get hurt or fucking _die_ because you have this misguided devotion that he's still good."

"We don't have time for this."

Alex tried to walk away but Sam grabbed her and yanked her back around. "Make time!"

"For what, Sam? Do you want me to agree with you? I won't. Cadmus is forcing him to do all this and we have to save him. You're either with me or you're not. Decide."

"Just like how Kara was part of the family or she wasn't? Well, what about Dad then, Alex? If it's in or out, why is he the exception?"

No answer came. Sam knew she caught Alex in her own argument. But if they were going to do this, they needed to move.

"I won't stop you. I'm here because you need this but _I need_ you to be prepared in case he isn't who you think he is anymore."

"He has to be."

Sam didn't dispute her. For Alex, he really did need to be the same man. Sam wasn't sure what would happen to her if he wasn't. Even after concrete proof, seeing it with her own eyes, Alex was loyal. To a fault. That fault making them risk their lives. Sam hoped like hell it would be worth it.

They took off across the field. They were coming up on the bunker from the back. Sam couldn't help thinking that Cadmus was idiotic for their lack of lighting but then, that would light them up like a beacon for those looking for them. Specifically, the DEO. She decided just to thank her lucky stars that infiltration was going well for them.

Sam was only slightly out of breath when they got to the back fence. Ten feet high of chain link and 50 yards of nothing separated them from their prize. Alex tossed her bag over then scaled the fence. Sam quickly followed her. She dropped down and into a crouch. They both stayed still. Nothing moved.

Alex motioned them forward. They took off. Sam stayed a step behind Alex. When they got to the back wall, they paused. This time to wait out their heavy breathing. Alex motioned again, for weapons out and then into a back door.

Their only option was to go up. That staircase opened to the entirety of the bunker. Sam looked down to the main floor. The place was poorly lit but up ahead, she could see more light. Too many iron walk ways, beams, and h-vac tubing was in the way to really see anything.

It was slow going. Alex was constantly stopping them and telling Sam to cover her. Without being told why or having the knowledge of their surroundings to actually look pay attention to Alex as she covered them, Sam was frustrated by the mysterious stops. But she did as ordered.

They went down a staircase. Alex in front. They immediately ran into a guard, a poor one. Alex and Sam were quiet but not enough for him to completely miss them. Alex went to fire but saw his partner. She took them both out. A shot to the second guy, only to make his evening worse by grabbing him by the neck and using him to double kick his partner before slamming him into the ground.

Sam turned to cover their backs. There was clattering behind her, where Alex was but she was too preoccupied with the three guys coming at them. Her gun was raised but Sam knew the odds. They weren't looking good.

"Alex."

"Don't move!" One of the Cadmus agents yelled out. She heard more steps behind her.

Then a very familiar voice called out, "Hold your fire."

Sam froze. It was worse than ice, hearing him issue orders. She pivoted, keeping her aim on the men in front of her but turning enough to see behind her. Alex had her gun trained on her dad walking up to them. A Cadmus agent flanking him on either side.

"They're with me."

Alex slowly put her gun down but Sam didn't budge. If anything, she put more intent behind where her gun was pointed. She judged that she could get two shots off before anyone stopped her. Inflict some damage before her dad did whatever he was going to do to them.

"Sammy, put the gun down." Her trigger finger itched at that. He corrected himself, "I'm sorry. Sam."

She turned, gun now trained on her dad. If he was trying to push her buttons, he was succeeding. He must have seen some amount of conviction in her eyes when they met because he motioned his men to immediately take her weapon.

"Sam." Alex warned when she moved to smack one Cadmus agent with the butt of her pistol. She grit her teeth and followed Alex's lead, now refusing to look at her dad.

The agents relieved them of all their weapons, taking Alex's backpack too. She hadn't told Sam what was in it. It didn't seem to matter to Cadmus. They handed it to their dad.

"Follow me girls."

He took them down to the bottom level of the bunker. Sam took in as much as she could. This hadn't been on Lucy's list of Cadmus facilities.

"You should not have come after me, Alex. You could have been killed." Her dad started. They walked into a control room of sorts. Computer screens with weird blueprints were everywhere. Alex didn't listen as much as she took in what was on the screens.

"So glad that you care." Sam spat at her dad. "That was a little suspect last time I saw you."

"Sam…I–"

"What the hell is that?" Alex interrupted.

Her dad looked at her, pained and like he wanted to say something but he answered Alex instead. "It's a Hoshin frigate, the best in the Kazark fleet. As soon as it breaches the atmosphere it's going to jump to light speed and go to Takron-Galtos. They'll find passage home from there."

There was a lot in that sentence that Sam didn't understand. The last part was self-explanatory though. She looked to Alex. "Lillian is sending them back?"

"It was my idea." He didn't elaborate.

Sam continued to look around. The other Cadmus workers didn't pay them any mind. They worked single-focused on their task. It made Sam uncomfortable.

"I don't understand." Alex finally said.

"Lillian was going to kill them all."

Alex's disbelief was rolling into anger, it pulled Sam from her surroundings and back to the conversation. "You are _forcibly deporting_ them. I mean, some of them have escaped famine and poverty and genocide."

"At least this way, they have a chance!" Her dad argued back.

Alex scoffed and stepped back from him. "It was all a lie."

"No."

"No." Alex fired back. "Everything you told me in the woods was a lie. You said you were working for Cadmus for me, for us." She pointed at Sam.

"And I am. From the moment Cadmus took me prisoner, they told me they were going to kill you two and Kara unless I did what they said." He looked to Sam. She didn't care what they said. If anything, this wasn't making her dad any better in her mind. "I made my choice. Protect my girls at all costs."

It seemed to make things worse for Alex too. She looked disappointed. "How could you think we would want you to hurt others to protect us?"

"You were weak." Sam added in. "You just didn't want to fight."

Both of their comments hit him hard. He stared at Alex, blinking a few times before looking at Sam. He shook his head slowly and walked past Alex.

"There are some things you will never understand until you're a parent."

"Do you think _Mom_ would understand this?" Alex fired back.

Sam was proud of her fight. She didn't think it was going to show up. Not with how Alex had been acting lately.

That caught him off guard. Or he was sick of being questioned. His answer was short. "I can only hope that someday she will."

"That's a cop out." Sam rolled her eyes. "You know, whatever it is that you've told yourself about all this," she waved around them, "it's bullshit."

"Sam." Alex tried, same tone as before.

"No. Sam nothing. We had to listen to him, you got your turn. I want mine." She glared at Alex but her sister didn't say anything else. She just looked away. Sam turned back to her dad.

"I spent my entire life wishing you were around. Every bad decision I made, I blamed on not having a dad. Now, imagine my surprise, when I find out that I'm better off without him. You _are_ weak. The man I remember would never bow down to Cadmus or put so many people at stake just because of a threat."

"You don't under–"

"Stop. You don't get to interrupt me. And don't you dare tell me I don't understand. We had Kara for god's sake! Superman was on speed dial! We would've been fine! But no. A little pressure and you submitted." Sam scoffed. "I spent way too long idolizing the wrong person and taking it out on who I actually should've been looking up to. All of this," Sam pointed at Alex's obvious hurt and her anger, "this is your fault. Dad of the fucking century."

"That's not fair."

"Tough shit. You should've been better."

He shook his head. His own anger coming out. Sam imagined he thought this would go differently. Alex had always bought what he was selling and he had repeatedly referred to Sam as if she was still seven. Her dad probably thought they would let him go through with his plan.

A beeping from his watch put him in motion. He moved and started turning cranks and flipping switches. Alex was quick to follow, in his ear.

"Please, Dad. It's not too late."

"I'm afraid it is, Agent Danvers." A cool voice replied. Sam turned to see a tall, thin woman joining them. She eyed Sam but otherwise ignored her. She yelled out, "Get to your launch stations."

That wasn't what her dad was ready to hear. He looked at the woman in confusion then went to her. "Lillian, what are you doing?"

So that was Lillian Luthor. After Kara and Lena's descriptions, Sam should've been able to pick her out of a crowd. She replied, "Damage control. Your other daughter, Kara Danvers, just unleashed an article online, exposing our plan."

Good shit, Kara, Sam thought. She readied herself for some kind of fight. Things weren't as hopeless as they were starting to feel.

"We're going to cut our losses." Lillian continued to explain. "Launch the ship with the aliens that are already loaded. We've got a few hundred of them." She said more to herself, "It's not what I envisioned, but it's a start."

A computerized voice told them that the system was locked. The machines around them began working harder, getting louder.

"Shut it off. _Now_." Alex tried. She must be feeling that little bit of hope digging back in. Sam wasn't sure what made Alex think she could issue orders but she was about it.

Lillian turned slowly, disbelief obvious in her posture. "You don't threaten me."

"Lillian, do you really think that I would walk into the lion's den without a whip?"

That further intrigued Sam. She maneuvered into a better position for whatever signaled the attack. Sam knew it was coming.

"I planted ten Haldorr particle mines all over this facility." Shit, Sam thought. Particle mines were her least favorite alien weapon. Of course, Alex picked those. Alex pulled a remote out of her jacket. She said more forcefully, "Stop. The launch."

Sam knew Alex would blow the place. She realized this is why she tried to get Sam to stay with the car, why she told Maggie not to come in the first place. Their eyes met and Alex tipped her chin to the side, a sort of 'sorry about this' gesture. Sam shrugged in reply. If you only go once, why not go out big.

Lillian studied Alex. Cold and calculated. She didn't seem worried at all. If Sam didn't want to punch the look off her face, she would be impressed by her composure.

"You're lying."

"Wrong words, lady." Sam commented as Alex fired back.

"You wanna bet?"

Without hesitation, Alex hit the detonator. Several explosions went up around them. Sam laughed after her initial flinch at the shake and sound of it all. It held a tinge of hysterics. She knew Alex was ruthless but fuck.

Alex whipped around to the men behind her, their guns snapping up and onto her. She held a finger out to them. "The rest of the bombs are on a dead man's switch. I let this go," she held the remote up, "and the entire place lights up."

Without looking at her, Alex called out, "Sam, you good?"

"Golden."

"I won't stop this." Lillian said, low and dangerous, taking a step toward Alex.

"I don't need you to." Alex bit back. She looked at their dad then back at Lillian. "Dad, it's time for you to do what you taught your daughters to do. Prove to Sam, you are still that man. Are you with me?"

"Tamper with my launch, Jeremiah, and I declare war on your whole family."

Sam scoffed. "Listen, bitch, we work for the DEO. That ship has sailed with the whole war on us thing. Take your threat and shove it."

Lillian glared at Sam but didn't say anything. They were all waiting to see what her dad decided. Sam wished he would hurry up. That little bit of hope was glimmering around him right now and if he let that slip, again, she wasn't sure she could handle that.

"If you let her…" Alex started, looking intently at their dad. "We're gonna protect each other. Always."

"Jeremiah." Lillian said calmly. Then more forcefully, "Jeremiah!"

"Dad. Make this right."

Sam felt like she should say something. Weigh in on the tug of war happening but she couldn't bring herself to form the words. She still wasn't sold on the man in front of her. She was still hurt and didn't trust that he wouldn't do it again.

Finally, she added, "It's your last chance."

No one moved. He looked at Alex then Sam, back to Alex then Sam. A glance at Lillian. The anticipation was too much. Sam was itching for him to do _anything_. He gave Alex a subtle nod. His eyes met Sam's as he turned. Alex moved on cue.

Sam was only a step behind. Not that it mattered, the Cadmus agents with them were dealt with quickly. Lillian was the only one left standing. Her dad handed Alex her gun back. Sam pulled one off the agent closest to her.

All three of them faced Lillian, two guns and a cyborg trained on her. Alex spoke for all of them, " _Now_ stop the launch."

"I can't." She answered with a smirk.

"Give my daughter the override code." Her dad tried.

"There isn't one. The only way to stop that ship is to drop that stick." Lillian smiled, thinking she caught Alex's bluff. Sam smiled too, knowing she hadn't.

Alex raised her hand with the detonation remote in it. Sam braced herself for what was coming next. Alex dropped it then flinched at the proximity of a few of the bombs.

She grabbed Sam to steady her and pull her closer to their dad. Alex spoke to them, "I'm going on that ship. I'm gonna stop the launch from the inside."

"Okay go! I'm going to try to hack it from in here." He grabbed Sam's shoulder. She flinched away and he grimaced, taking his hand away. "Go with your sister, watch her back."

Sam shook her head. "No. Once she gets out of here, she's in the clear. There's too much going on with the bombs for anyone to stop her. You need the back up more. I'll stay." She said the last part to Alex. Her sister didn't seem to like the idea but they didn't have time to come up with a different way to keep them all safe.

Alex split from them with a nod. Her dad went straight to the key board and Sam positioned herself to watch his back. Lillian went to his side immediately.

"You are as naïve as your daughter."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"Uh, Dad?" Sam called over her shoulder. A very unhappy and aggressive-looking J'onn-look-alike was coming right at her. She reasoned it was the real Hank Henshaw. She lifted the rifle in her hand and fired off a few rounds. He batted them away easily.

"Sam, watch out!"

She was pushed out of the way right as Henshaw's fist was about to collide with her skull. Sam skidded to the ground, she looked back to see her dad locked up with Henshaw. They pushed off each other then were right back in, trading blows.

"Sam! Get to the controls."

She scrambled to her feet and went to the massive keyboard but stopped. She didn't know anything about hacking. "I don't know what I'm doing."

"Try getting to the Hoshin settings." Sam turned when she heard her dad cry out in pain.

Henshaw had him by the arm and throat. He tried to throw her dad but her dad rolled with the throw and ended up on top, shoving away from Henshaw.

"Oh shit." Sam said to herself as she turned back to the controls. "Oh shit, oh shit."

"Step away from that." Lillian said to Sam. She held a pistol to the side of Sam's head.

Sam turned slowly. She smiled at Lillian, "I don't doubt you know how to use that but I do doubt–"

She cut herself off as she shot her hand up, grabbing the barrel of the gun. Sam used her other hand to grab Lillian's wrist and turn it the opposite way the she was wrenching the gun. The woman cried out and dropped it.

"Your trigger finger." Sam finished. "Not quick enough."

She backhanded Lillian with the gun in hand, forgoing the butt of the weapon. A heavy punch that knocked her over. Then Sam turned back to the keyboard and blindly hit at buttons. Anything. Somehow, she found the right screen. "Yes! I got it. Now what?"

"Look for manual controls." Her dad answered between grunts. She peeked back to see how he was doing then wished she hadn't. It didn't look good.

As she scanned the screen for manual controls, there was a weird buzzing and a loud crash. Her dad cried out, louder than any other time before. Sam turned to find only herself and Henshaw on the platform. One side was missing it's railing.

Henshaw walked and looked off the platform. Sam quickly swung the rifle off her shoulder and into her hands, pointing it at the human-looking side of his head. She fired but they ricocheted off. All that did was get Henshaw's attention on her.

There was beeping behind Sam, on the monitor but she didn't bother checking it. She had more pressing issues to concern herself with. Like Henshaw making his way to her.

Sam sidestepped around the platform, keeping Henshaw in front of her. He was working to cut off her range of motion, taking the middle but Sam kept inching along the sides. She was waiting, he would make his move and then she would make hers.

Then he did. Right on time.

Sam's back was to the open part of the platform where her dad had been. Henshaw lunged for her and Sam jumped back, into open space. It was a farther fall than she had anticipated but the effect was the same. Henshaw grabbed her leg by the knee but they both were in open air.

The collision with the ground was enough for Henshaw to let go. Sam gasped and panicked as that feeling from the other night, of not breathing, came back but she pushed through it and onto her feet. Her dad was laying, knocked out not too far from her but she couldn't concern herself with that either. Sam needed to put distance between her and Henshaw or she was dead.

Fire was all around from the explosions, cutting off a lot of options for Sam. She made the most of it. Not that it was enough. She could hear Henshaw behind her, flipping the containers and materials that she was using for cover.

The pallet of metal beams shielding her from him went soaring up and away from her, leaving Sam defenseless. She raised her rifle and fired everything it had left. The bullets hit him in the chest, arms, legs. She wasn't sure if any aimed at his head hit. Nothing stopped him.

Sam shook the strap off her arm and gripped the gun tight as Henshaw got closer. She swung once, the butt of the gun hitting him square in the chin. It did nothing.

"Out of options, little girl."

He grabbed Sam by both shoulders. She inhaled, feeling like this was it. There was no way out. No one to save her. Sam bit off more than she could chew and there was nothing she could do.

She let out all the air she had in her as a red and blue blur yanked Henshaw off her. Sam crumbled but didn't make it all the way to the ground before Alex was scooping her up.

"Where's Dad?"

Sam gripped Alex as she helped Sam stand. She pointed toward where he last was. They made their way over. When they got there, he was getting up but still a little shaky. Alex made sure Sam was good before going to him.

Alex got as far as stabilizing him before they heard Kara scream out. Sam immediately whipped her head around, searching for where it came from. It didn't take long to find Kara. Henshaw landed in front of them. He had Kara by the neck.

He threw her at their feet. "None of you can beat me, not even together."

Lillian, with a bruise starting to form from where Sam hit her, joined him. Her hand glowing neon green. Sam, who was crouched by Kara, moved and took her under the arms to pull her further from the Kryptonite.

Alex reached out a hand to help, all she could do while supporting their dad's weight. It was more a show of support than actual help. She grabbed Sam's sleeve when she was close enough.

"Now, we don't have much time but we'll give you a choice." Lillian continued for Henshaw. She was looking too smug for Sam's liking. "We will be leaving her with a Danvers, it doesn't matter which one."

"What? No." Alex shook her head.

"Choose Agent Danvers or I will take your father and force him to watch Henshaw kill you and your sister in front of him. Right now."

"Try it." Alex growled.

"Alex." Their dad covered her hand with his. "They'll do it. Just let me go. I started this, let me finish it."

"You'll die." Sam said, blunt. It was true though. She wasn't sure what her feelings toward her dad were now but she didn't want him to die. "In your condition, after what you did, if you go with them then you won't make it back."

"She's right." Kara agreed. She was pushing herself up into a sitting position. The distance from the Kryptonite was lessening its effect on her. "I don't know what to do," she admitted. "Even without the Kryptonite, I'm not sure I could beat Henshaw. Not after the ship."

The ship? Sam started to wonder what Kara meant but refocused. Not that time for that question. Later.

"I'll go."

"Sam, no."

"We are not trading you. That's out of the question."

"You heard Kara." She said to Alex. "Beating Henshaw is out of the question and if one of us doesn't go, he kills both of us and then Dad. And then they'd probably do something horrible to Kara like the last time Cadmus had her." Sam paused, really taking her decision in. "I'll go."

"There is always another option. I am not letting you take my place."

"Yea, you will. You don't have a choice." Sam scoffed. He was barely standing, even with Alex's help. "Dad, you _are not_ going to make it much longer. Physically, or mentally. I mean, come on…You, you almost let them get away with all of this."

He looked away from her. They all knew she was right. Sam turned to Alex and Kara.

"He's at the end of his rope. There's no way he survives another stint with Cadmus. If we want any chance of getting him back, you'll take him back now. We have to do this."

"No." Kara answered. Adamant and uncompromising. Sam loved her for it but she knew there was no other option. Alex did too. That's why she was considering it. Kara saw it. "Alex, no! You cannot be considering this!"

"I don't think we have a choice, Kara." Alex searched Sam. For forgiveness or assurance or something. Sam didn't know but she hoped Alex found it. "You're sure? I'll do it. It can be me."

Sam shook her head.

"Tick tock, ladies." Lillian called to them.

Ignoring it, Sam went on. "It's gotta be me." She turned to Kara, crouching down to be eye level. Sam smiled. "You'll save me. I know you will."

"Time's up." Lillian came closer. That green still shining in her hand. Sam stepped between it and Kara. It wouldn't do much but she hoped it lessened it at least a little. "Who is joining us?"

"Forcibly taken and joining aren't the same thing." Sam said, trying her best to stay as snarky and confidant as she was before. She would not show this woman anything else.

"The mouthy one then? Excellent." She smiled sly then turned to their dad. "You and I are not done, Jeremiah. Remember that."

"If you hurt her…" He started.

"You'll what? We saw how that worked for you tonight."

"Remember that when you look in the mirror." Sam butted in. She gasped as Henshaw took her by the arm, squeezing harder than should be possible.

"And you will remember _that_ next time you get any cute ideas."

Lillian walked off and Henshaw turned to follow, pulling Sam with him. She looked over her shoulder at her family. They looked as scared as she felt.

"We're coming for you, Sam." Alex said. Just loud enough for Sam to make it out. "I promise."

She nodded then looked away. All her confidence would slowly seep out of her with each step if she watched them shrink behind her. As it was, Sam was already struggling. What did she get herself into?


	101. Chapter 101

**A/N: Okay. So. Wayyy off cannon, right? At least for a little bit. We are going to gloss over a lot for episodes 'Star-Crossed' through 'Alex'. It'll be different PoVs (which I kinda got away from) about how that chapter's character is dealing with show dilemmas on top of trying to find Sam. Don't worry. Our girl will be back soon. Well…soon-ish. Enjoy! PS - I'm back to school tomorrow so my posting is going to drop down in frequency. I'll do my best!**

It was taking too long. Alex and Sam had been gone too long. Maggie paced Alex's apartment. That's where they said they'd meet. Her phone had been going off with updates from Winn. It was not helping. The damn explosions. Which Alex had _not_ told her about the bombs. The ship. Goddamn it, the fucking ship. Maggie did not agree to those things. She had not agreed to Alex upping the odds of not coming back.

Her phone went off and Maggie practically ran to the table to get it, as she did with each notification. She looked at the screen long enough to see her girlfriend's face. This time the run for her phone was worth it.

"Alex?" Maggie hated the desperation in her voice. She couldn't help it though. She was desperate to know that Alex was okay.

 _"Hey babe."_

Maggie let out a long, shaky breath. One hand and her opposite elbow came down on the table. Her head bowed into her chest.

 _"Maggie? Are you there?"_

"I'm here."

 _"Is…are you okay?"_

"You scared me, Danvers. I'm fine, just…Where are you?"

 _"At the DEO."_

That forced her upright. Her question rushed out one on top of the other. "The DEO? What happened to meeting at your place? Are you okay?"

 _"I'm fine. My dad is banged up and Kara got exposed to Kryptonite and needs the sun lamps."_

"Wait. Your dad? You got him back?" Maggie brought a hand up to her temple. "Hold on. Just wait. I'm on my way, you can explain it all when I get there."

 _"Okay."_

"Bye Danvers."

She didn't wait for Alex to answer. Maggie smashed the end call button and snatched her jacket off a chair before she was marching out the door. She still had her car from earlier, when they were tailing the fake cop. She wished for her bike more than anything. Well, not anything. More than anything she wanted to be with Alex and make sure she really was okay. That was the issue with her car. All the other cars were in her way.

The half-jog, half-walk she took into the DEO was not a conscious decision. She barely noticed. If she had, a little more restraint might have been showed or at least a little dignity. Maggie just couldn't take it any longer. She needed to see Alex. _Now_.

And there she was. At the top of the stairs where they always met when she knew Maggie was coming. She forced herself to walk across the foyer normally. Her pointed ignoring of the front desk the only change in their usual meet up. The stairs she took one at a time, slowly. When she walked in, Alex was speaking with an agent. By the time she got there, the agent was gone.

Maggie, despite what her hands were screaming at her to do, didn't reach for Alex. She took her in. Everything. Every wrinkle in her clothes. Misplaced hair. Scuff and… _scorch_ mark. But it all seemed fine. Nothing major. Not really anything minor either.

"Hey." Alex said when it seemed Maggie wouldn't.

"You're okay?"

Alex raised her arms out and dropped them back to her sides. "I'm okay."

"Oh, thank god." Maggie breathed out, grabbing Alex's shoulder and crushing her in a hug. It was clingy and tight and embarrassing but Maggie didn't care. She needed to feel that Alex was okay.

Her girlfriend's hands were soft on her back as Alex rubbed up and down. She didn't try to step out of the hug when it went on and on. Maggie breathed deep, calming herself down. Alex was here. She was fine. It was okay.

"I'm okay." Alex said quietly into Maggie's hair. She didn't like her tone though. It made Maggie pull back to look at her. "I promise I am but…"

"But what?" Maggie stepped back, remembering where they were.

"But Cadmus has Sam."

 _"What?"_

Alex stepped back into Maggie's space, a hand on her side, and shushed her. "It's okay. Well…it's, it will be. They made us. It was either one of us went or Lillian was going to kill us all and make my dad watch. She had Kryptonite and Kara was already gassed from the ship. Sam said she would go and we didn't have any other options. There wasn't anything else we could do."

Maggie watched Alex's eyes tear up. Quickly, she switched their roles back. There was no reason Alex should be comforting her. It was clear Alex hadn't even dealt with Sam as anything more than a field agent yet.

"Hey hey hey." Maggie said quietly, her hands coming up to frame Alex's face. "She's tough, of course she volunteered to go with that bitch. Sam _will_ be okay. She's gonna be fine." Alex nodded. "Have you eaten?" A shake of her head. "Let's get something then."

"I don't want to leave. Dad and Kara are both here, in the med bay."

"Then we'll have someone go pick something up for us. Okay?" Alex nodded, shaky and child-like. Maggie pushed her own worry over Sam down. Just enough to care for Alex. They'd get Sam back but to do that, they all needed to pitch in. Everyone had to be as close to their best as possible. If not than Sam was screwed.


	102. Chapter 102

**A/N: 'Star-Crossed' – some info from the episode isn't in here b/c of the PoV. Enjoy!**

Lucy sat in the conference room. It was now clean of all papers. No to-go coffee cups or takeout containers in the trash can. No boxes on top of boxes of DEO logs and reports. The three laptops she demanded were gone. First it was only two, then when Sam started helping she needed another one. Sam had needed the other one.

She didn't want to leave. Lucy never did when she took her breaks in the conference room. Not that she took many breaks. Only the few that Parker forced her into. Being in there made her feel closer to Sam. And when she left, it felt like Lucy was giving up on her somehow. Like each time she walked out, a little more hope was left behind.

That was impossible though. Sam was tough. Strong. She'd survive and come back. She _had_ to come back. Too many people needed her to come back.

Alex and Kara needed her. Maggie. The super friends. Her parents, because now she had both of them again. And Lucy. Lucy needed Sam to come back too. They couldn't leave things with just one date. Lucy wanted more; she wanted to see what would happen. She worked too damn hard to get Sam to open up to her for it to end like this.

With a sigh, she got up from the table. It wasn't like she was leaving the DEO. Just the conference room. She'd take up her post at the monitors as an extra set of eyes, or an extra set of anything the DEO needed so that the agency didn't become consumed with the search and so that Sam didn't get left behind in order for them to do their job. It had been easy for Lucy to volunteer to help.

Parker gave her a sad excuse for a smile when Lucy joined him in the computer bay. Winn had assigned him to the same job as Lucy. Winn was relieved to have Lyra back but felt terrible for the trade that was demanded by Cadmus. The two had a morbid kind of relationship. It only bloomed because of their loss and their obsession with getting Sam back. Parker because he thought of her as family and Lucy because she cared about Sam in a completely different way. A way she didn't really understand quite yet. So, they worked side by side with little success. Determined and clinging to hope.

"Anything?" Lucy turned around at Alex's voice. She looked tired. The stress of everything taking its toll on her.

Parker answered. "No. We were able to track Henshaw's heat signature for a while but lost it around the Mexican border."

Alex gave a curt nod. Her eyes shifted to the monitors running their various searches. They hadn't just tried pinning Henshaw's signature. There was Lillian's tendencies and habits, Sam's DEO issued watch, the chip in her back shoulder. They even tried facial recognition using every possible camera from National City to San Diego. Winn even attempted a hack into a few of the bordering Mexican cities. No luck.

"I called in a few favors with my dad." Lucy added, needing to give Alex some kind of hope. "He's going to see what he can do about getting us clearance into more satellites and mainframes. It won't be a huge improvement to what you guys already have here but–"

"We'll take any help we can get. Thanks Lucy."

"Of course." She replied softly. "We'll keep the search going."

Alex had been hysterical when J'onn had suggested they end the search for Sam. He gently argued that they had been looking for a week, with not even a hint of real success. Henshaw's signature had been to sporadic to lock on to. It gave them nothing.

Until Cadmus resurfaced, she was gone was how he put it. The pain of admitting that was all over him but Alex hadn't cared to see it. She yelled and fired back at him. It took Parker and Winn to pull her away to get Alex to calm down. Even then, she kicked over a stool in her lab and smacked an empty test tube holder off her table. Lucy had thought J'onn was lucky Kara wasn't there. If Alex reacted like that, the two of them together would be unmanageable.

That was when Lucy stepped in and offered to help. She was taking out the last of her work from the investigation as the whole showdown happened. It was an easy decision to commit to. It was hard to follow through on. Day after day, they found nothing. No matter what Parker and Winn tried, nothing. It was getting hard to stay positive with so much nothing.

And Lucy was smart. She knew statistically how likely it was for them to find Sam, whatever her condition. Those numbers were constantly at the forefront of her mind. Her pretended ignorance of them was working less and less too.

"Hey." Parker nudged Lucy with his tablet. She had zoned out. A common occurrence from lack of sleep and not being able to shut her brain off. Alex wasn't with them anymore. Lucy didn't even notice her leave. "Why don't you head out? I've got this for a little bit. Try and get some sleep or something."

"I'm fine here."

"No." Parker said gently. "None of us are fine here so don't give me that BS. Just take a few hours, nothing crazy. I'll text you with any changes."

"You're sure?"

He nodded. "I'm on duty. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't leave."

"Thanks."

Just an hour or two, Lucy told herself. It would do her good to get out of the DEO, maybe get some food in her system and see if she could force her mind to shut down long enough for a short nap. Instead of home though, Lucy made her way to CatCo.

She found herself going to James after her long hours in the DEO. Not for anything specific, just for familiar comfort. They had coffee and talked, about Guardian and Lucy's firm. They talked about Sam.

Those talks with James made things a little easier. Unlike the talks she had with Alex or Kara. When they asked for updates that held nothing but more of the same. It pained Lucy to report to her friends and see their faces fall. They held more hope than anyone. She tried to draw from that.

Somehow, and Lucy thought she knew how, everyone ended up tangled in some issue. Maggie and Alex were helping Winn's girlfriend, who turned out to be an art thief. Kara stopped a hostile takeover of the planet from Mon-El's parents, the king and queen of Daxim. And she was there, keeping the search for Sam going with Parker.

They were all going non-stop. No down time. No thinking. From the Sam updates to the field to bed. Maybe bed. Lucy wouldn't put it past any of them to forgo sleep.

Lucy herself often couldn't. She laid in bed, staring at the ceiling. The evening with James wasn't helping like it had the past few days. Thoughts swirled with no end or beginning. Just a jumbled mess with one common theme: Sam. Where was she? How was she? What new components could they add to the searches? What were they missing? And the worst: was Sam alive? That question only came in the middle of the night. It slipped past Lucy's positive defenses and made her cold.

She let her head fall to the side and checked the clock. Two forty-two glared back at her. Maybe she should have gone back in. It seemed better than lying in bed uselessly.


	103. Chapter 103

**A/N: 'Ace Reporter**

"What do you mean you're going with Lena?" Mon-El asked, following Kara around her apartment as she got ready. She sighed. They had this conversation already.

She stopped in front of her clothes rack. Pulling off her sleep shirt, Kara then grabbed a white button up to put on. She turned to Mon-El as she explained further.

"Lena invited me to a technology expo, and I'm going. I don't know what's so confusing about that."

"That you're going."

She stopped buttoning and stared at him. He was pouting. Which was annoying. Kara took a visible deep breath. She didn't have time for this. The expo was due to start soon. "I'm going because my friend invited me. My friend who I haven't seen in a while because of…everything going on. And I'm going because it's my first chance to actually work since, well, since Snapper fired me."

"I haven't seen you in a while either."

Of course he glossed over everything else. Kara turned around as she buttoned the last few on her shirt. There was too much. The everything else was too much. She pulled a sweater off a hanger next and pulled it on.

"You've spent the last hour with me but decided that picking a fight was a much better use of our time. That isn't my fault, Mon-El."

"It's not mine either! You're never around! Between being Supergirl and…" he paused. Kara was already tensing at his audacity. "And Sam you never find time for us."

Too much and he went too far. How _dare_ Mon-El be upset that Kara was busy trying to save the city and, more importantly, find her sister who was _taken hostage by Cadmus_. It took all of her superhuman strength not to yell. Not that her tone of voice was any nicer.

"Mon-El," she snapped. "I spent an entire day saving you from your parents, making sure you stay on this planet because I want you here, with me. I am _sorry_ that my life isn't going so well right now and I don't have all the time in the world for you. I hope that changes soon. I really do but right now, I need to go be Kara Danvers. _Just_ Kara Danvers."

He crossed his arms indignantly but didn't say anything more. It was exhausting. Really and truly exhausting. Her shoulder dropped and Kara tipped her head back. "I'm sorry, okay? I know I'm busy and all over the place but I can't control any of it. When we get Sam back, it'll be better."

"I want her back too." His voice lost the childish tone. He wasn't pouting. He was sincere and honest. Everyone wanted her back. Not like Alex and Kara though. No one, except maybe Maggie, were as overly invested as they were.

Kara went closer to Mon-El. She ran her hands up Mon-El's shoulders and into his hair at the base of his neck. He leaned into her with sad eyes. For Sam or maybe for fighting, Kara wasn't sure.

"I know you do." She gave him a quick kiss. "Maybe you could go help Lucy? That would be really great."

"Yea?" Kara nodded. "I'll do that then. And I'm sorry I got upset about Lena. I just miss you."

"I know, I miss you but I miss my friend too and she invited me so I'm going. This could help me get my feet back on the ground as a reporter. I _have_ to go."

"It's okay."

"I know." Kara answered, pulling away and using Mon-El to steady herself as she pulled a shoe on. She kissed him on the cheek when both shoes were on. "I'll call you when I'm done. Let me know what Lucy says about Sam!"

She was running late. Kara swore under her breath as she checked her watch. Lena had told her to meet at L Corp by nine. That left her with ten minutes to get there. Two options: hail a cab or fly. Kara's eyes darted around her. No one was really around and she could go down an alley. Her clothes would get wind-blown though.

Not a real issue. Being late was worse. After another glance around, Kara jogged down the next alley she came to then shot up into the sky.

She landed near L Corp with seven minutes to spare. She smiled as she started to readjust her clothing and fix her hair. Lena would be waiting by the fountain in front of her building. That's where she always waited for Kara.

Kara smiled at the thought of seeing her friend. Guilt throbbed in her belly at her excitement. She did her best to brush it away. Seeing Lena and being happy about it was something Sam would want. She wouldn't be upset with Kara. They were doing everything they could. Sam had to know that and she would understand.

That guilt must have been all over Kara's face. Lena picked up on it immediately when Kara walked up to her. Her smile faltered and concern seeped into her eyes.

"Kara, what's wrong?"

Lena knew that Sam was gone. She did not know her mother and Cadmus were responsible. Kara hadn't had the heart because Lena would have taken the blame and placed it on herself. Kara couldn't deal with that on top of everything else.

"Nothing." Kara lied with a sad excuse for a smile.

"You're lying." Lena said gently. She took Kara's arm and hooked it through hers, keeping a hold of Kara's hand as they started to walk. "Do you not want to go to the expo? We don't have to."

"No. I want to. I promise! It's just…" How much should she tell her? That stumped Kara. And made that guilt in her stomach blossom. This was _Lena_. Her friend. She shouldn't have to keep things from her.

"Then what is it?"

"It's…it's Sam."

"Oh?" Lena responded, sounding genuinely curious. "And how is my favorite Danvers doing?"

Kara was only able to muster a slight reaction to that joke. And Lena noticed. She became serious and waited for Kara to explain without interruption.

"She's, well, I told you she was gone. Remember?"

Lena nodded. "Work related, correct?"

That was the lie they were telling anyone outside of their make shift family. Kara looked away from Lena. She didn't actually want to have this conversation. The guilt grew more but Kara ignored it. She desperately needed to be Kara Danvers for at least a little bit.

"I just miss her is all." Kara decided to say. It was true. She did miss Sam. _A lot_.

"I'm sure she misses you too." Lena said, patting Kara's hand. "And she'll be back before you know it!"

"Yea." Kara answered softly, sadly.


	104. Chapter 104

**A/N: 'Alex'**

Alex smiled at how ridiculous Maggie was being. Her girlfriend wouldn't even let her get up to go to the bathroom without trying to help her. It was sweet and adorable and incredibly annoying.

Even Kara had caught that bug. She reluctantly left the couple about an hour ago to go home. Alex was thankful. She needed to be around the people she loved after the day she had.

She looked at herself in the mirror. Everything looked fine. The only out of the normal clue to what she had been through with that stupid guy from high school was the patch on the back of her shoulder. Alex twisted to see what she could of it and peeled it off.

The incision was less than precise. Using a credit card will do that but the medic on duty at the DEO had stitched it up well enough. It would scar but not bad. One more to add to the collection.

As she threw away the bandage, Alex thought about Sam. She had Maggie and Kara with her but Sam was still out there. She was still going through whatever terrible things Cadmus could think of. Rick's stunt with Alex was a vacation compared to Cadmus. She knew that and she hated that they _still_ couldn't find Sam.

That had been Alex's first question. After punching Rick and after going through all the bullshit screenings from being admitted into med, Alex's first question was if they had any updates on Sam. Parker had looked away guilty, admitting that they had bumped him over to the search for her. Lucy gave her a silent head shake. Nothing. Still. Nothing.

A knock at the bathroom door shook Alex from her frustrated seething. Maggie was talking through the door before she had a chance to open it.

"Babe? Your parents are on the phone. They want to talk to you." Alex pulled the door open with a questioning look. Maggie shrugged and held the phone out. "It went off like three times. I thought it might be an emergency so I answered it."

Alex took her phone. She looked at the screen before moving it toward her ear. Maggie filled her in again.

"Kara told them what happened."

Shit, Alex thought. She was hoping to gloss over this. They were worried, which was understandable, but none of them had time for worried. Alex barely thought she had time to recoup.

"Hello?"

 _"Alexandra? Honey. Are you okay? Kara told us what happened."_ Her mom spoke with her dad right on her heels.

 _"Hey Alex. It's both of us. You okay?"_

"I'm fine. Really so don't worry. It's already been taken care of."

 _"You're sure?"_ Her dad asked. _"I couldn't access anything."_

"That's because you aren't supposed to, Dad." Alex sighed as she sank back into her spot on the couch. She leaned into Maggie as she continued, "You were told no DEO contact. You can't keep breaking the rules! They're in place to keep you out of jail."

 _"I know, I know. I was just worried. I thought I could help somehow."_

"You can't and stop trying to. We can't afford for anything to happen to you. Not with Sam still out there."

The line was quiet for a moment. Then her mom asked, _"Any changes?"_

"No." Alex let her head fall against Maggie. She was sad, and feeling hopeless. No one spoke. As it dragged on, Alex couldn't take it. "Listen, thanks for checking in. I'm totally okay. If anything comes up in terms of Sam, I'll tell you guys right away."

 _"We're going to get her back."_ Her dad said. The determination in his voice was tainted with what sounded like guilt. It could have been the phone though.

"We will." Alex agreed. "Love you."

 _"We love you too. Get some rest, honey."_

Alex hung up the phone. Her day pressed in on her. Exhaustion and stress making their presence known. Maggie wiggled to get her arm out from under Alex then put it around her.

"You okay?"

"Tired."

"Let's go to bed then."

Alex shook her head. "I wanna go in and check on the search."

"Alex, no. Don't be ridiculous. You need _rest_. I'll call Lane and get an update but you aren't going in. Not tonight."

Alex sat up. "You don't get to tell me what to do."

"I don't but tonight I'm going to so please, just listen to me. You went through hell today."

She was right. Alex did need rest and it was as simply as calling Lucy for an update. Alex just never did well with idle waiting. At least at the DEO she felt like she was doing something. At home she felt like there was more she could be doing to help, like she was letting Sam down.

"You'll call Lucy?"

Maggie grabbed her phone off the coffee table. "We can call her together, right now."

With a nod of her head, Alex moved to sit Indian style facing Maggie as she found Lucy's contact and put the phone on speaker. It rang several times. Alex started to think there would be no answer.

 _"Hey Maggie."_ A very tired sounding Lucy answered.

"Hey Lane. You're on speaker. Alex wanted to check on the search. Anything?"

There was a pause. Then a sigh. _"No. Sorry. Parker is going to reboot the search and add in hospitals. He's going to monitor any APBs on this side of the country."_

"I thought we were already doing that?" Alex asked.

 _"For the state of California, we have. He's just expanding it."_

That didn't bode well. If Cadmus branched out, was moving into other parts of the country, it was going to get harder to find Sam. It was already so damn hard too. Alex wasn't sure she could handle that possibility.

"Anything we can do?" She asked next.

 _"Yea. Get some sleep, Danvers. I've got this covered and you know you're the first call if we find anything so just try not to worry too much."_

"Operative word being 'try'."

Maggie tilted the phone toward herself. "Thanks Lane. We'll see you tomorrow."

 _"Bye."_

Maggie looked to Alex, waiting for her. Alex looked right back. There were no other options. All she had to do was rest. No one to help. No Sam. Just exhaustion.

"Come on." Maggie said quietly, standing and pulling Alex up with her. She pushed some hair behind Alex's ear and smiled at her. "Let's go lay down."

She nodded and followed Maggie to bed, their hands clasped the whole way. Neither bothered with their normal routines. Maggie climbed in first, turning and holding the blanket up for Alex. Being so close to Maggie only emphasized how tired Alex was. Her eyes immediately were fighting to stay open.

"I love you." Maggie whispered. Alex barely caught it. She smiled and scooted closer, one hand holding onto Maggie's arm and the other resting on her hip.

"Love you." Alex muttered. Sleep was taking over more firmly. She heard, and felt, Maggie chuckle.

Maybe being kidnapped was good. This was the first night since her dad betrayed them for Cadmus that Alex fell asleep so quickly. The thought was barely there. It came right as sleep did and she probably wouldn't remember it in the morning. She didn't need to. When morning came around there were other things Alex needed to focus on.


	105. Chapter 105

It was dark and cold. A little damp but that could have been from the knocked over water jug. Sam laid next to it, still stunned from the scuffle that knocked the water over. She didn't know why she was still fighting so hard to get out. There was no way for her to know where she was. Her physical condition was less than desirable. Not to mention the stupid fucking chip.

The black eye she just received was throbbing. It would be swollen. The heat coming from it and the throb told Sam as much; she didn't bother reaching up to check it. She didn't trust her right arm with something so tender anyway. Not with the way it still twitched and moved without her permission.

Footsteps were coming closer. She listened to them echo off the stone and metal walls of the hallway. The scrapping of keys was her only warning to avert her eyes before light was pouring into her little cell. Lillian stood in the doorway. The light outlining her.

"Tired from our little stunt, are we?"

"Fuck off."

"Really Samantha, when is this going to stop? I would have thought by now that you've learned your lesson."

"Fuck. Off."

A piercing ringing erupted in Sam's head as lightening streaked into her skull. Both hands shot up to cradle her head as Sam let out a scream. It lasted seconds but it was always long enough. That one was worse than the others. Lillian must have cranked up her little dial. Bitch, Sam thought.

Lillian tsked at Sam. "Language, my dear."

Sam rolled back onto her back. Her breathing was heavy but she did her best to hide it. She hated showing any kind of weakness to Lillian. The woman smiled down at her then motioned behind her. Two men came in and grabbed Sam by her arms, hauling her up.

"Time for your next appointment."

Dread pulled the color from Sam's face. She wanted to dig her heels in and stop the men from taking her. She wanted to pull against them and run. She did none of those things. Sam showed no fear. No weakness.

The hallway opened into a large room. Like a warehouse of some kind. Sam hadn't been able to figure out what kind of building they were keeping her in. She was only ever in two places. Her little cell and Lillian's makeshift operation room. It was always the same route they took to get from one to the other. From the cell through the hallway and out into the main bulk of the building, through another much shorter hallway and into a wide empty room.

Sam hated that room. She hated the med table in the middle with its leather straps. She hated the tool table next to it and the sparse medical equipment around it. More than anything, she _fucking hated_ what Lillian did to her in there.

The two men handled her roughly. They pushed and shoved and picked her up. When they got to the table, they lifted Sam and threw her onto the table. She put up a fight as they tried to strap her down. One took a boot to the face. The other was quick with a backhand across Sam's face as a consequence. They left when the straps were secured. Over her feet. Around her wrists and elbows. Two across her torso. Her right arm was spread out from her body.

Lillian stood over her, examining her handy work. "You heal nicely, Samantha. I thought it would take at least another week before I could operate again."

Sam didn't say anything. Fear was keeping the words choked down. Lillian stalked around the table. Sam tracked her, watching every movement. She inspected her different utensils before calling out.

"Elijah!"

That name frozen Sam. Her left hand strained against its restraint. Fight or flight was setting in but Sam couldn't do either. Beyond the straps keeping her in place, that room paralyzed Sam. The fear of it.

Elijah walked in. He was tall and slim. Pale skin and inky black hair gave him a cold look but Sam knew better. If Lillian was ice than Elijah was fire. He was the zealot Lillian needed to encourage her bigoted and extreme ideals.

"Sam." He greeted her as if he was genuinely pleased to see her. It was cordial and friendly. "Back so soon?"

"To work, Elijah." Lillian reminded him. He smiled at Sam at the reprimand then got to it.

He switched all the machines on. He checked the equipment. Sam took to staring at the ceiling. She knew what came next but she would not let her fear show. Control over that was all she had left.

Elijah stepped into her line of sight. He rose a hand with an oxygen mask in it and shook it. "You know the drill by now, Sammy. Don't make this any harder for yourself. I'd hate to have a repeat of last time. Wouldn't you?"

Flashes of that damned ringing and lightening came to Sam. Made worse by Elijah's own touch on that torture: branding. She had two burn lines on the outside of her left wrist already. Long. Half an inch wide. She remembered how slowly he trailed the scalding iron across her skin.

"Hm?" He asked. She said nothing but locked eyes with him. Sam channeled her best glare. Walls. Defenses. Guard up. Anything to get through this. "Aw, come on now, Sam. You should be thanking us for this."

He slipped the mask onto Sam's head, moving it and adjusting it so it fit perfectly. He positioned the tube. Then he reached a hand back to rest on a nozzle and looked down at her.

"Count back from 100!" He advised brightly.

She didn't. It didn't matter. Sam didn't even remember slipping out of consciousness. Elijah was above her, a mask on her face. Then he wasn't.

Everything was blurry. That was arguably the worst part. Her vision looked like she was looking through those dumb beer googles they made high schoolers put on during drivers ed. The middle was clear but the edges were fuzzy and blurry and distorted. Her mind was lagging.

She was always left without restraints when she woke up. It was, she assumed, because she couldn't escape even if she wanted to in that state. Sam's head fell to the side. She looked down her right arm. It was numb and unresponsive. Still strapped down too, she noted.

There were long, stitched lacerations covering her right arm. Sam blinked hard a few times to try and get her vision to cooperate. She pushed herself over to get a closer look. Wrong move. Pain shot through her arm, forcing Sam back down on the table. She gripped her shoulder and clenched her jaw to stop from yelling out.


	106. Chapter 106

Midvale was exactly the same. Jeremiah stared out at the beach from their porch. Everything was exactly the same. Except that his daughters were adults and out in the real world and one of them was missing. Because of Cadmus. He shook his head, thinking of how that damn group continued to ruin his life.

He checked his watch. It would be a couple hours before Eliza was up. Plenty of time for a walk along the beach before he needed to start working on breakfast. It was surreal how different his life was now. Eliza used to be the first up and first in the kitchen. Now roles were reversed.

Mostly because Jeremiah couldn't sleep. He spent too much time with the enemy for peaceful sleep to be within reach. That was okay though. He had a penitence to pay and he would. It gave him a chance to really focus on his recovery so it wasn't all bad.

His health was lightyears better. Eliza was shocked by his progress. In two short weeks, his strength was back. His wounds were healed. The damn cybernetic arm Cadmus stuck him with was cooperating as he wanted and he was learning to control it for the smaller and more gentle aspects of life. Jeremiah was, for all intents and purposes, fit as a fiddle.

But that was the problem. Now that he was fit, he wanted to help. Sam was out there and he was the best asset in finding her. J'onn just wouldn't let him help. He wouldn't let Jeremiah have anything to do with the DEO at all. Which made sense, he understood why but it was frustrating.

The sun was lighting up the sky in deep pinks and soft blues. It was beautiful. Jeremiah barely paid it any mind as he thought. His feet sinking pleasantly in the cold sand. The slightest give against the hard, damp sand.

One of his steps stuttered in the air. A scuttling crab caught his eye before he crushed it underfoot. He laughed at himself as he watched it make a beeline for the tide. That's when it clicked. He knew what they were missing. Jeremiah knew how to help.

He jogged back to the house. Eliza was just getting up. She looked at him like he was a madman. He must have looked it too as he frantically searched for his phone. He needed to call Alex. Now.

"Lizzie, where's my phone?" He picked up one of the throw pillows off the couch.

"Is everything okay?"

"I know how to help. I _need_ to tell Alex. Have you seen it?"

Eliza was moving toward the kitchen. "You put it on the charger before bed last night, I think."

He followed her. Sure enough, there was his phone. On the counter and plugged in. Jeremiah snatched it up before Eliza could. He smiled at her.

"We're gonna get her back. This will work!"

She returned the smile but it wasn't as sure as his. Jeremiah hadn't expected it to be. Eliza was a realist, bordering on a pessimist. Their baby girl had been gone for two weeks. The odds of getting her back were slim. They both knew it. Jeremiah knew he was gone for fifteen years. Those odds had been miniscule for him so he kept that hope alight for Sam.

 _"Dad?"_ Alex answered, still half asleep. _"Is everything okay?"_

"More than okay, honey! I'm sorry to call so early but listen," he paused and looked at Eliza, his excitement was getting to him, "I know how to find Sam."

 _"What?"_

"Yea. Cadmus, they have satellite labs outside of National City. Sam is probably close! They…" He trailed off. His words trying to rush out before they should. "They have a cover company. It's uh, I know it…just let me–"

 _"Dad. Hang on. What are you talking about?"_

"I'm talking about how to find Sam! I remembered something this morning on my walk. There was this little crab that I almost stepped on and it got me thinking about something Lillian mentioned once."

 _"A cover company?"_

"Yea! It's something to do with crabs or the cancer sign. I'm not exactly sure but I am _positive_ about it being near National City and it being used as a Cadmus hideout."

 _"How do you know this?"_

He ignored the suspicious in her voice. It hurt but it had a right to be there. Jeremiah focused on answering the question and being one step closer to getting his daughter back.

"She mentioned it when we were planning Exodus. It was her fall back, in case things heated up and we needed to step away."

" _A company around National City with some sort of crab reference as a name. That's our lead?"_

"I'm sure of it, Alex."

She sighed. _"It's better than anything we've got right now. I'll take it to Winn and Parker right now."_

"And Alex?"

 _"Yea?"_

"I want to be there when you guys go to get her."

 _"Dad…I-I don't know about that. J'onn was really clear about you…"_

"I know and I get it, I do, but this is Sam. My daughter is with Cadmus because of me. I want to be there when we get her back. Please Alex, just ask for me. That's all."

 _"I'll ask."_

"Thank you." That was a relief. Jeremiah wasn't sure if Alex was going to agree. He still wasn't sure if she would actually ask for him but he hoped to god she would.

 _"I gotta go. Bye Dad."_

"Bye!"

He put the phone down and looked at Eliza. She stayed with him through the whole conversation. Listening and gauging.

"You really want to go?" He nodded. "I hope you're not entertaining thoughts of any ridiculous heroics, Jeremiah Danvers."

"Only thoughts of getting our little girl back, Lizzie."


	107. Chapter 107

**A/N: Sorry for the extended absence! I got sick and I also wanted to rewrite some of the stuff I have prewritten. Hopefully I'll be able to get that done so I can post a couple times this week. Happy Thanksgiving to anyone who celebrates it!**

Decapod Health Industries. A medical supply company. Small, obscure, and just barely staying in the black. Just barely on anyone's radar. Parker had found, after digging and working around redacted information, that Luthor Corp was a major partner in the company. Luthor Corp had saved DHI from going under back in 2008. Luthor Corp was a silent partner and on all of the forms Parker checked, it said Luthor Corp. Not L-Corp. Only an important detail if the person looking was aware of the differences in leadership of the company. That was all they needed. It was enough to go in.

The closest DHI facility was a half hour drive east of National City. Alex had rounded up her team and they loaded up in one of the vans. Her dad and Lucy were with them. The Guardian and Winn were on stand-by back in National City to cover for Supergirl as she accompanied the extract team. Mon-El was also back in the city in case he was needed.

Alex couldn't sit still. The drive was trying. Her knee bounced, and her hand was constantly moving; from pulling up the window switch to pulling at the Velcro of one of her holsters to tugging on her seat belt. East of National City was nothing. Plains and airfields and nothing. Not one thing for Alex to focus on but rolling green hills that might have made for pleasant scenery.

"ETA two minutes." Sanchez said to Alex from the driver's seat. Her head whipped toward him then she gave him a quick nod. She turned in her seat to address her team. They had a full van. It wasn't ideal to be in the front while talking to her team. It was uncomfortable, but she ignored it. This mission was too important to be worried about such trivial details.

"Alright guys. We're almost there." She took a deep breath and looked at her dad to steady herself. "I don't think I have to remind you what's at stake here, but I will. This is Sam. She's one of ours. We have to be at our best."

Alex paused to let her words sink in. Her eyes met each of those she was in command of. They all looked as ready as she was. It was reassuring. Alex clung to that instead of focusing on the dread pooling in her stomach. She let her sister self fall away. It was time to be Agent Danvers.

"We aren't sure what we're up against once we get inside. Be smart, be alert." Alex glanced behind her, out of the windshield. "And let's go get her back."

The van stopped and they all got out. They split into the groups they discussed before leaving. Hill, Parker, and Sanchez with Lucy. Alex's top three agents with the woman her sister apparently likes who wouldn't stay behind. It was less about Lucy _needing_ the protection and more about the fact that Sam would freak out if anything did. But they needed to actually find Sam in order for her to freak out. Kara with Lee. Their dad with Jensen. The two superhumans not needing a large group. That left Alex with Brown and Wang.

They had gone over assignments already. The teams were just waiting on Alex to give them the go ahead. She turned and looked at the warehouse in front of them. It seemed bigger than it did on the blueprints. Without looking back, she said, "Move out."

Once inside the four teams split. Alex's team straight to secure the center of the building. The other three around the perimeter. In and out. Quicker and more clean then the last time that was Alex's plan when infiltrating a Cadmus facility.

It was eerily empty. Barely anything was being stored in the warehouse. A few large containers, a few console bays, but nothing that would tell Alex where Sam was. At least she thought.

All three went to a monitor. As Alex searched, she swore. Medical records and observations came up without much searching. Which meant that was Cadmus's focus. Sam's medical records were a Cadmus focus. That meant nothing good.

As she read, she swore again and that knot of dread in her stomach grew past the point of ignoring. "We have to find her. Now."

"There's some sort of cell." Wang answered. "Well, that's how they're using it."

Alex left her computer and walked up behind him. He pointed on the screen where he was finding the information. "Do we have a location?"

It had referenced a holding room for Sam but not where. Wang opened and closed a few programs, typed different searches and work-arounds. Brown shifted to cover their backs as their search was eating up more time.

"Got it." Wang finally said. "Southeast corner."

"Let's go."

Her team wasn't able to leave their current room before a scream stopped them. A knot was no longer the right term for Alex's dread. It consumed her entire being as she recognized who was screaming. It was the crack at the end. She'd heard Sam yell out that loud three times in her life. Every time, her voice cracked. Alex knew it was Sam. She was sure of it.

"Where did that come from?" She asked, her voice just barely controlled.

"It's hard to pinpoint in here." Brown answered. His rifle moved quickly to each entry point around them. "Not the southeast. I think it came from behind us."

"Wang?"

They hadn't moved. Alex would not act recklessly. Not for this mission. She needed both of her guys to weigh in. Then, she would make her decision.

Wang shook his head. "I'm…I'm with Liam. It came from behind us."

"Redirect then."

Alex turned heel and moved quickly toward where they heard the scream. She didn't know if she wanted it to be Sam or not. If it was, well, they found Sam. But if it was, she was hurt. And it sounded bad.

If that scream wasn't Sam though…Alex was wasting time. Cadmus would have the opportunity to flee, with Sam. This was a gamble that Alex was hoping beyond hope would pay off. She needed this to pay off. She needed Sam back. They all did and this was their best chance.


	108. Chapter 108

**A/N: I didn't want Alex to find Sam. That's why the last chapter was so short. Alex and Sam will have their moment, don't worry but how this unfolds was important to me for the 'chaos' aspect. Sorry for another long delay between chapters! Thanks for reading!**

There hadn't been anything. At all. The walls were lined with lead, much to Kara's annoyance, so there was no x-ray vision to be utilized. Lucy, and the entire team, listened to her complain about it almost nonstop since they got into the warehouse. If she wasn't cursing the lead, she was pleading with Alex to let her use her super speed to check the whole place on her own. Alex was adamantly against it. Slow and steady, no mistakes. No risk of Kara finding a Kryptonite-armed Lillian Luthor by herself.

The west side of the building was bare. They barely had to search anything. Parker stayed beside Lucy as Hill lead and Sanchez brought up the rare. She was annoyed by basically being given security but Lucy could let it go since Alex let her go with.

"Room ahead." Parker said quietly. His rifle was slung over his shoulder and pointed at the ground, his focus was on the tablet in his hand. He tapped his ear and Lucy heard him in person and in her own ear. "B searching room on west side."

 _"A still in center. Nothing."_ Alex answered.

 _"We'd know what was in every room if I could just check."_

 _"Not now, Supergirl."_ Alex snapped back.

Kara's partner clicked in next. _"East side has a locked room. C is going in."_

 _"D has outside perimeter secured."_ Another agent, the one with Jeremiah answered. _"Waiting on orders."_

 _"Hold."_ Alex ordered. _"No one has found anything yet."_

Parker motioned Lucy behind him, on the left side of the door. Hill and Sanchez took up positions on the right. Parker knelt and snaked the room. He barely looked at the screen before he was ripping the camera out from under the door.

As he reached for the handle, Hill grabbed his arm. "What are you doing?"

"She's in there. Alone." He shook off Hill's arm and pushed the door open.

Hill and Sanchez followed on his heels. Lucy barely hesitated. She ignored the fact that she did. This is what she had been working for the last three weeks. The last month if she includes when she realized she had feelings for Sam.

And there she was. Sam. Standing in the middle of the room. Lucy's relief was short lived when she realized how scared Sam looked.

Lucy's eyes went around the room as Hill and Sanchez fanned out to cover more ground. Some medical-looking equipment was pushed toward the walls. Otherwise the room was empty. Like the rest of the warehouse.

Parker moved toward Sam, but her hands shot up to stop him. She took a half step back. The way her eyes were pleading, even from across the room, was breaking Lucy's heart. Her left had twitched to the side. Sam clenched her fist and quickly dropped that arm to her side.

"Don't."

Parker stopped. His head tipped a bit. "Sam?"

"Don't, okay? I don't…just…" Sam shook her head, finally taking the full step back.

Before anyone could ask what she meant, Sam screamed. Her hands grabbing her head as she dropped to her knees. Sam's forehead met the ground. She stayed like that for a long minute. Then, finally, her hands came down to the ground. Her head was shaking again before she looked back up at them. She was saying something but they couldn't hear her. Whatever she was saying wasn't for them. Lucy looked around the warehouse again.

Still nothing. At least as far as Lucy could tell. She stepped up to where Parker was, placed a hand on his arm and kept it there as she took another step forward. "Sam?"

She was getting louder. "No. No, please."

"Sam, what's going on?"

"I'm not doing it. Do whatever you want to me." They watched Sam reach up, take something out of her ear, and throw it away from her. Before she could even pull her arm back, she was screaming again. Hands at her head, forehead on the ground. It was a soul-shattering, agonized sound.

Lucy let go of Parker and ran to Sam. She didn't care that Sam didn't want them near her. She was in pain and they needed to do something. Anything.

"Lucy!" Parker yelled out, but she heard him behind her. Parker wasn't going to stop her. He would be right there by Lucy as she tried to help.

Sam's screams were too much for her voice; each one sent it cracking into nothing. By the time Lucy dropped down beside her, the screams were gone. Sam was just whimpering. Her fingers were digging into her scalp.

"Sam?" Lucy reached out in some kind of comfort but she stalled when Lucy actually _looked_ at Sam. She was thin, bruised, and scarred. Freshly scarred. She pushed that fear and concern away. Lucy could ask questions later. "Sam?"

One of Sam's hands, the one without scars Lucy noticed, left her head and tried to push Lucy away. First it pushed blindly against her arm then her knee, only to stop there, clenching with think restraint, as a new wave of whatever was causing her pain came through. Lucy dropped a hand on top of Sam's, not sure what else to do for her.

She looked up at Parker, on the other side of Sam. His eyes were wide and scared. Just like hers. Neither had any idea what to do. Neither of them knew what was even going on.

"No." Sam said, her breathing labored and worn out. "You guys need to go."

Whatever it was seemed to pass. Lucy felt some relief as well as Sam's hand on her knee relaxing out of its death grip. What Sam was saying did not add to that relief though.

"What?"

"You need to _go."_

"Why?"

Sam took a shuddering breath in and let it out in one big whoosh. She looked up at Parker first then Lucy. Her eyes were tired, a little bloodshot. Lucy gave her a smile. She wanted to reach out and touch Sam, more than just her hand on Sam's on her knee.

Worse than the exhaustion that was clear on Sam were the bruises and scrapes and cuts. Lucy thought she had looked thin and bruised before but now that she could see her face, Sam was battered. Like it wasn't only one fight she lost.

"Lillian is still here. She wants–"

Whatever reprieve Sam had was over. Her head snapped back, and her body locked up in pain. No noise came from her open mouth. For an instant, her hand tightened on Lucy's knee but it quickly left in favor of cradling Sam's head as she crumbled back to the floor.

"What I _want_ is for this little reunion to be over." The woman Sam had just been talking about stalked out of a side door Lucy had missed. Hill and Jensen closed the distance and stood over the trio on the ground, weapons trained on Lillian.

"Ah." Lillian smiled, looking past them. "Agent Danvers. It's so nice to see you." She raised her hand. "I brought my own remote this time."

She clicked the remote and whatever it did gave voice to Sam's screams. Lucy watched her body tighten even more; she hadn't thought that was possible. One of Sam's hands left her head and smacked down on the ground. She scratched against it, grasping for something to ground her. Anything.

Lucy grabbed Sam's shoulders and leaned in. She said anything she could think of to get through to Sam. Anything to let her know that she wasn't alone anymore. It was useless, but Lucy didn't know what else to do and something needed to be done.

"Stop." Alex demanded. Then, in her ear, Lucy heard her say, _"Supergirl, Lillian is here. We found Sam. Get here now."_

"I think you are going to need more than a whip this time, Agent."

"Lillian. Stop _now_."

"As long as I have your attention." Lillian's voice was sickeningly confident. But Lucy barely cared. She felt Sam's body sag in relief and lean into her. "Now. I believe we have a score to settle."

"There's no score, Lillian." Kara landed beside Alex, hands on her hips and protective anger all over her face. Lucy watched, still talking to Sam. Mostly repeating the same things over and over. "We have you outnumbered and surrounded. Give us Sam."

"Numbers aren't everything, Supergirl. I would've thought you of all people would know that. And speaking of Sam, why don't we let her decide what she wants to do. Samantha?"

Lucy quickly backed off as Sam moved to stand. Part of her wanted to help, watching Sam sway and stumble as she took a few steps but she didn't. She didn't like how this felt. Something was wrong.

Sam finally stood up straight. She looked at her sisters then at Lillian. Her fist curled in and her shoulders squared. Lucy was hit by how scripted it all felt. There was some line that Lillian was waiting for. It scared her.

A moment of fear over rescuing a Sam that was no longer theirs seemed to settle over everyone. Lucy couldn't tear her eyes away from Sam to see what anyone else was doing. Her next words felt like they would change everything. Everyone was waiting, hoping.

The battle was clear from the set of Sam's shoulders to her still twitching left hand. There was definitely something Lillian was waiting for. It was terrifying to think that Sam, stubborn and independent, was struggling not to give in.

"I've already told you Lillian, fu–" Lucy could have laughed if Lillian hadn't turned her little device back on. Sam crumbled once again, not able to get her words out, and Lucy moved to go to her.

"Do not move, Ms. Lane. If you do, I turn up the intensity for our Samantha."

"Lillian." They all turned to watch Jeremiah march into the room. Jensen trailed him. As soon as the agent was in the room his weapon came up and trained on Lillian. "Stop. We all know it's me you want. Let my daughter go."

Just like with Sam, everyone froze to hear a response. If she agreed, it would be too easy. Beyond that, Alex and Kara would never agree to another trade. Lillian did turn off whatever it was that had Sam writhing in pain. A small win.

"I think you overestimate your usefulness, Jeremiah."

"No. I think you _under_ estimate it." Jeremiah continued into the room until he was standing with Alex and Kara.

"Dad." Alex looked at him, her gun still on Lillian. "What are you doing?"

"I never should have let Sam take my place. It's time to make it right."

"Jeremiah, no." Kara added her concern to Alex's. Lucy couldn't help disagreeing though. He started this and he should finish it. Not Sam.

"Girls, I have to."

"We've already done this, Dad. A trade doesn't do anything for us."

He looked away from Lillian and directly at Alex. "Yes, it does. It gets us Sam back. That's enough for me."

Lucy realized this is why he was so adamant about coming. Good, she thought. He can fix his mistakes. In Lucy's opinion, Sam should have never taken his place. Alex and Kara should not have let her. It should never have been an option.

"So, do we have a deal?" He raised his voice and looked back to Lillian.

Lucy then realized that it was two superhumans, seven DEO agents, and a retired army officer against a single woman, seemingly without any back up. What was making Lillian so confident about her chances here? Lucy scanned the room around them one more time, looking for anything they might have missed in their haste to get to Sam. Nothing.

"Parker." She whispered. He looked up. "Why are we talking? Lillian is unarmed except for that remote and it isn't like she's not using it already."

He shook his head. "We can't do that to Sam."

Lucy looked at Parker's friend and her…whatever it was that they were on the ground in front of them. She seemed out of it. Almost like she was sleeping. "No. We can because she would understand. If it got Lillian into custody, she would do it. Don't try to tell me otherwise."

"That doesn't mean we should!" Parker whispered back.

Lucy stood, not caring what Parker had to say, and took a few small steps toward Sam. This was their chance. She mentally apologized to Sam but Lucy knew that Sam would understand.

"What's stopping us from taking what we want?"

Lillian turned with an eyebrow raised. "Four kryptonite bombs and a cyborg waiting on my command to blow them." Then she turned from Lucy like she hadn't spoken at all and Lucy took another step toward Sam. "But back to your deal, Jeremiah. It is an interesting one."

"Don't try to haggle with me, Lillian. We both know that Sam hasn't made anything easy for you. Why keep her? It doesn't benefit you so don't pretend like it does."

No one spoke as it was thought over. Lucy took the last few steps between her and Sam and knelt down. Lillian was so absorbed in what Jeremiah was offering that she didn't notice. Sam pushed up from the ground, moving a hand to use Lucy as leverage. She looked at her.

"Don't let him go with them."

"I don't think I have a choice." Lucy said gently.

"I can get out of this. I'll–"

"No, Sam. You can't get out of this. You can barely even hold yourself up right now. Isn't that why you went in the first place? Because your dad couldn't? Well guess what. You can't."

"You have a deal." Lillian eventually answered. "Say your goodbyes, Jeremiah."

Alex's weapon immediately dropped as she turned to her dad. "No! What are you doing? This is not part of the plan!"

"Maybe not yours but it was always part of mine, Alex. I told you; I should never have let her take my place."

"Are you sure?" Kara asked. She didn't look sure. She looked defeated and sad. Lucy felt bad for them but the weight of Sam's hand on her leg, the way it felt to be holding on to her again, kept it from having any sting.

"I am."

All three were quiet. Then, Alex asked, "Why are we always making deals? I want everyone home."

"So do I, honey, but I'm useful for Cadmus. They'll treat me better than they'll treat Sam. This is the best option we have."

"This isn't our only option! There has to be another way."

"There's not. If Sam stays with Cadmus they'll get fed up with her and kill her. Or," he looked over to where Lucy and Sam were, "they'll break her and the Sam we finally manage to rescue free and clear won't be our Sam."

Kara looked conflicted. As did Alex once Lucy really looked at her. Jeremiah's plan was calculated and ruthless. There was no room for emotion in it. It was Jeremiah for Sam.

"Tell your mother I love her. And, I'll see you all soon. One way or another, we'll be back together. I promise."

With that Jeremiah went to Lillian. Lucy stopped paying attention to what was going on around her and focused back on Sam. She knew that soon she would be forced to step aside, let family take over. Which was fine. She just needed…something before that happened.

"Sam?" She squeezed Lucy's hand in response. It seemed like all of her own focus was on staying conscious. "Sam, he went with Lillian."

"He can't." Sam weakly.

"It's okay. No, stop." Lucy put a hand on Sam's shoulder to stop her from getting up like she was trying. It was unsettling how easy it was. Sam was fading fast now that the pressing danger seemed to be over. Something was being said between Lillian and the other two Danvers but she was too worried about Sam to actually listen. "He knows what he's doing. You get to go home."

"Is Alex mad?"

That took Lucy's legs out from under her. No response came. What would she say to that anyways? The sister in question answered for her.

"What?" Alex's voice came from above Lucy, then she was pushing Parker out of the way on Sam's other side with Kara standing behind her. "No! We got you back. Right now, that's all that matters. We'll get dad back. It'll be fine."

"We have to go. Lillian isn't going to wait much longer." Kara said, still standing. "I can take her."

Alex looked up and nodded. Her eyes met Lucy's then she was leaning down toward Sam again. "Sam? We gotta go. Supergirl is gonna take you outside but I need to know if she should just take you right to the DEO or–"

"No." Sam's voice was still weak but her answer wasn't. "I don't want to fly."

"I get that, Sammy, but do you _need_ to?"

Sam squeezed Lucy's hand before she tried to sit up again, asking for help without asking. Lucy braced her arm to let Sam push herself up with it as well as use her other hand to guide Sam up by the shoulders. Alex cringe, imperceptibly but Lucy caught it, at seeing Sam's beat up face.

Sam shook her head. "I don't, uh…" She's eyebrows pulled together and she closed her eyes. "I don't think so. I just need help."

Kara stepped in between Alex and Sam, and scooped up her little sister. "I got ya, Sam." She said quietly.

"I said I needed help; not that I was helpless."

"You shut up." Kara smiled. She dropped Sam's feet to let them drop to the ground. Lucy figured it was more for show, that Kara was still supporting almost all of Sam's weight. Alex looked behind them, forcing Lucy up and around. Jeremiah was coming up to them. He had a sad smile on his face.

"Hey Sam. You okay?" He tried cautiously.

"Fine." She answered. "You shouldn't be going with them."

"Like you said," His smile lost some of its sadness, "If we want any chance of getting you back, we'll take you now."

"Don't use my words on me, Dad. This is stupid."

"It was stupid when you took my place too. No one ever said we were making the _smart_ decisions, just the right ones. We don't have time for this. You and I can argue about who was stupider when you guys rescue me."

Sam didn't say anything in response. She looked away from him. Alex tried to defuse it with a hug and words of safety for her dad. Kara reached out and clasped his hand, the rest of her occupied with keeping Sam up.

"Be careful." Sam finally said. That was it. She didn't even look at him. Jeremiah let his hand rest on her shoulder but only for a second. Sam flinched under it and he gave the joint an odd look.

Lucy wasn't able to read much into it before Lillian was breaking up the family's goodbye. "That's enough. Come along now, Jeremiah."

"We aren't done here." Alex called out as her dad walked away with Lillian.

The woman responded over her shoulder, "We never are."

When Lucy turned back around, Kara and Sam were gone. Alex was ordering her team back to the van. She stopped Lucy from following.

"How bad is she? Could you tell?"

Lucy shrugged. "Not good but other than that, I don't know. That remote, whatever it did…"

"It wasn't good." Alex finished for her.

"No."

Alex sighed. "We'll figure it out back at the DEO then. Come on."

They jogged out of the warehouse. Lucy was glad to be out of there. It felt wrong, exactly how she would think an evil lair would feel. Kara was standing by the van, still holding Sam up. In the sunlight she looked even worse. Her bruises and cuts looked stark against her pale skin. The shadows wreaking havoc with the new contours of her too thin face.

All the other agents were in the van, taking the front seats to make it easier for Sam. A small gesture that showed a bigger level of respect and courtesy. Lucy stopped with Alex as she talked to Kara and Sam. She felt like she was hovering but couldn't help it. Seeing Sam whole, even as beat up as she was, affected her more than she thought it would.

"You're sure, Sam?" Kara was asking.

"It's a long ride." Alex added. "A half an hour and I can't guarantee it'll be smooth. Kara could get you back to the DEO in about five minutes."

"No." Sam was looking at her sisters as they spoke, but her eyes flicked to Lucy as she answered, only to look away just as quickly.

Maybe she wasn't hovering. Maybe Sam wanted her there. At least that's how that brief look felt. Or, maybe Lucy was reading into things a little too much.

"I don't want to fly." Sam continued. "Sorry, Kara, but you know how I feel about it. I can handle the van; I'll be okay."

Kara wasn't sold on Sam's answer. She didn't push it though. Not that they really had time for it as Alex was reminding Kara, and informing Lucy since she hadn't been listening.

"Lillian only gave us ten minutes to clear out. I don't want to tempt her into blowing those bombs. We better leave and you," She moved to relieve Kara of Sam, "need to get out of here the most. Lucy, climb in first. I'll help Sam on this end."

"Got it." Lucy hopped up into the van as Kara took off. She would bet that Kara would only go far enough to be out of the blast radius of the warehouse. Kara wasn't the type to leave people behind, even when she had to.

Alex guided Sam to the back of the van. She reached one hand out to Lucy to pull her up. Parker was quick to get to Lucy's side and take Sam's other hand. He smiled at her.

"Hey Sam!"

"Hey Parker." Sam smiled, a genuine smile that Lucy forgot about. Even bruised and beat up, it was still better than she remembered.

"You look like shit."

That pulled a laugh out of Sam as they set her on the van bench. Lucy on one side of her, Parker settling across from her. Alex jumped in and shut the doors. She yelled out to Sanchez then sat on Sam's other side.

All three were surprised when a bump sent Sam into Alex and she didn't sit back up; simply readjusted herself, leaned her head back and closed her eyes. Parker, ever the gentleman and a leading Sam expert, looked away to give the sisters relative privacy. Lucy smiled back at Alex once she got over the shock enough to look away from Sam and to her.

Not that they had been overly close on the seat but with Sam leaning into Alex, she felt far away from Lucy. A feeling that bothered her and a thought that did the same. Again, that feeling of hovering, or maybe of being clingy is what it really was, settled on Lucy. It was something she wasn't used to. Everything made her so unsure though and she was out of her depth. No one she had been interested in had ever been taken hostage and then rescued. This was new territory.

The feeling didn't last long. Sam's hand, which had been resting on the seat between them, bumped into Lucy's leg then came up looking for her hand. With almost embarrassing speed, Lucy gave it to her. The contact felt nice. Their…relationship? If it could be called that hadn't even gotten off the ground before Sam was taken. Lucy had been left wondering what exactly it was she was missing when she was missing Sam. The contact made it feel like she wasn't being clingy, she wasn't hovering, there was still something there.

The look she shared with Alex over Sam's head, resting against the wall of the van above Alex's shoulder, told her that it wasn't a subtle grab for her hand. Alex looked more surprised than she did. And impressed. The smile Lucy gave her in response, confident and all 'what else did you expect?', was short lived as Sam winched and gave a soft groan at a bump that jostled her. Both women dropped their silent conversation as they tried to make the woman between them more comfortable.


	109. Chapter 109

**A/N: Our girl is back! Woo! Sorry if getting her back was a little anticlimactic but I wanted to keep my options open to work in to the new season of Supergirl if I wanted. I haven't watched yet so I don't know! Plenty of time to decide since I am not nearly done with this storyline. I've got some plans!**

It had been a long day. Saving Sam…it made for a long day on its own. But it wasn't on its own. After they saved her, they had to treat her. Sam's wounds were many and varied. Alex wasn't sure which of them were the worst. Maybe it was the long brands on her wrist. Maybe it was the deep bruises and cuts from being beat. That damn chip.

No. The worst was her shoulder. And her hand.

The long, angry, barely healed scars. The metal under her skin.

The stitching was text book and the incisions were clean but despite that, Sam's left arm was the worst of it all. The thinking behind it, the lack of conscience about what would happen made it the worst. The unknown aftermath didn't help either.

Alex listened to the beeping of Sam's heart rate from the monitor. She rested a hand over her eyes and tried to breathe through her anger. How _dare_ Cadmus experiment on her little sister? They were going to pay. When Alex found them again, Cadmus would pay tenfold for what they've done to her family.

Two hands gently rubbed up her shoulder blades and squeezed her shoulders. "You didn't hear me come in." Maggie said quietly, mindful of a sleeping Sam and an angry Alex. "You need some sleep, babe."

"I'm not leaving her by herself."

"I know."

And she did. Maggie knew that Alex wouldn't leave Sam. Not again. Not unless there was someone else there to watch over her. They just got her back. Alex wasn't ready to leave her alone.

Maggie's hands continued to gently massage Alex's shoulders. At least until she leaned back into Maggie and her arms wrapped around Alex. Her chin rested on top of Alex's head. She felt Maggie turn to look at Sam in the bed.

"So…uh." Maggie started. "I don't…really..."

"What is it?" Alex asked. She sat up and turned to her.

"I don't know how to ask what I want to know."

Alex looked at Sam, where Maggie had just been looking. "What's wrong with her?"

"Yea."

"There's…a lot. What you can see, obviously. She was out by the time we got here so I haven't been able to ask her but I'm assuming Sam didn't do what Cadmus wanted, and she was…punished for it. There's some branding on her wrist that supports my theory. She's dehydrated, underfed. It might be easier to tell you what isn't wrong. Then there's Lillian's fucking chip."

Alex hesitated. Sam's condition was harder to talk about than she thought it would be. With Maggie it wasn't just charts and facts. This was her little sister. This was personal and painful with no work to hide behind.

"What do you mean 'Lillian's chip'?"

Alex looked at Sam as Maggie looked at her. Not many people knew about the chip. Her, Kara, Lucy, and another DEO doctor. Now Maggie. It was a heinous device that only someone like Lillian Luthor could come up with. It made Alex sick to think about its use on her sister.

"Lillian implanted a small chip at the base of Sam's skull, behind her ear."

"That sounds bad."

"It doesn't just sound bad, Maggie." Alex responded harshly. She let her eyes close and took a breath. Maggie hadn't meant to make light of it. She wasn't trying to do anything but ask after Sam's health. In a more neutral tone, she continued, "It, uh, is for behavior management. At least, as far as we can tell that's what it was used for. It is outputting a signal that must have matched Lillian's remote."

"Her remote? I'm not following, Al."

Because she wasn't there. Alex had to explain the whole thing. "Right, sorry. Lillian was using it to basically torture Sam. Whenever Sam did something Lillian didn't like she clicked her little remote and it sent Sam screaming to her knees."

"Holy shit..." Maggie breathed out, looking at Sam. Almost turning toward her. Alex nodded despite Maggie not looking at her. Holy shit was exactly right. It made Alex's blood boil and her stomach churn to think what else Lillian might have done to her little sister.

After a few seconds of silence, Maggie asked, "And the scars?"

"They experimented on her. Like my dad."

"What does that mean, Alex?" Maggie asked, worry and trepidation clear in her voice.

"She's bionic. Her left shoulder and hand."

"Shit." Maggie breathed out. "Babe. I'm sorry."

She pulled Alex into a hug. One she was grateful for as her eyes started to tear up. Alex hung on and buried her head in Maggie's neck. It was all coming down on her.

Rescuing Sam and the crushing relief of having her sister back pushed down on her. Losing her dad and the shattering realization that they're back where they started pushed down on her. Alex had never done well with extreme emotions. She barely dealt in emotions outside of angry or contentment for the majority of her life. This was…this was so much more. It made her beyond grateful to have Maggie.

"It'll be okay."

"Will it?" Alex asked, hating how watery her voice was. Maggie pulled back and held Alex by her shoulders. She smiled, wide and dimply.

"It will. One way or another, it'll turn out okay. Maybe not how you imagine it to, but it will."

"That sounds like a cop out." Alex smiled, and Maggie chuckled.

"Textbook comfort words but that doesn't mean I don't believe it." Maggie wiped under Alex's eyes.

"I hope you're right."

Alex pulled Maggie back into a hug. Having her close felt like what she needed. Maggie swayed them back and forth. Eventually, Alex leaned out of the embrace and kissed Maggie on the cheek.

"What do you think Sam's gonna do about Lane?" Maggie asked with a smirk, giving her eyebrows a quick raise.

Alex shrugged. "I don't even know if Sam did anything before."

"Lane didn't tell you?" Maggie dropped the playfulness. "Seriously?"

Alex shook her head. "We didn't really talk about anything except what the status of the search was."

"I guess she only told me because I asked then."

"You're so nosy."

"I am not! She looked sad, so I figured it was about Sam and asked. Dang woman. Give me a break! I was trying to be nice!"

"You were not 'trying to be nice'!" Alex teased. "You were being nosy!"

"Yea, yea. Whatever. Do you wanna know or not?"

Alex thought. It wouldn't be the wrong decision to let Maggie tell her, but it didn't feel right either. "I think I'll wait and ask Sam."

Maggie scoffed. "Good luck with that."

That was true. There was always the possibility that Sam might clam up. Or, that Alex didn't have the patience to wait for Sam to tell her…

"Okay, _fine_. What happened?"

"Knew you'd crack." Maggie smirked at her. Alex narrowed her eyes in response. "But _any_ ways, Lane says Sam showed up and apologized then kissed her. Twice!"

"Twice?!"

"Yea!" Maggie nodded excitedly. "They had like a date or whatever, at least that's what they were calling it. Just dinner at Lane's, and yea. Sam kissed her before dinner and then I guess it was technically Lane that kissed _her_ at the end of the night."

"Maggie Sawyer," Alex started, noticing how much Maggie was enjoying this, "you are such a gossip."

"What!? I am not!"

"You definitely are!" Alex laughed. A little surprised at how obstinate she was being about this.

Maggie scoffed for the second time that night. "Whatever. I have to pay attention to gossip for my job."

"You have to pay attention to gossip about my little sister for your job?" That had Maggie spluttering, trying to come up with a good excuse. Alex just laughed. "Oh stop." Alex pulled her closer by her sleeve. "I love that you love to gossip."

Maggie tried to push away from Alex. Indignant and stubborn that she wasn't a gossip. She wasn't trying very hard though and the smile on her face told Alex she didn't actually care. It was amazing how good Maggie was at distracting Alex, making her forget, even just for a few minutes, her problems. That's what the question about Sam and Lucy was. That's what the gossip over what happened between them was. It was all Maggie doing what she did best.


	110. Chapter 110

Sam's eyes opened, less blurry than they should've be. The beeping of the heart monitor didn't echo like it used to as it sped up. The lack of intensity of those two things didn't stop the panic from rising in her chest. She shot up and reached to rip the heart monitor pads off her chest and arms but slowed down, hand on the wires, when she realized how easy it was for her to move.

"Sam?" She looked over to find Alex watching her. Her sister was worried, but she didn't come any closer to Sam. Slowly, she put down the papers she was holding. "You're in the DEO. You're safe."

"Uh…" Sam looked around. She was in Alex's lab. In the DEO. Not with Cadmus. Just like Alex was saying. The lights were low and the main floor outside of the lab windows was dimly lit. It must be late, or at least late enough to be dark out. She swallowed thickly, not quite succeeding. She tried again.

She looked down to think. Not a lot was coming back to her. Not really. Lillian telling her the plan, Elijah having the remote. Some fuzzy memories of Alex's team infiltrating the warehouse came to her. One of Lucy.

A paper cup of water was pushed into her line of sight. Sam looked up to Alex standing next to her; she took the cup and took a drink. The cool water was marginally easier to swallow. It ran thick down her throat but that didn't stop Sam from trying to chug it. Only Alex taking it back from her did that.

"Do you feel alright?"

Sam shook her head. Alex offered the cup back with a warning of taking it slow. As Sam raised her arm to drink again, she noticed the IV. She followed the tubing up to the bag it was attached to. Alex did the same.

"Intravenous fluids. You're dehydrated." Sam looked back toward Alex. "Tell me how you feel."

"I, uh…"

She was interrupted by a blur of red and blue and blonde. Then Kara was next to Alex and making a move toward Sam, but Alex stopped her.

"What's wrong? I heard Sam panic." She looked wildly from Alex to Sam but didn't fight the hands holding her back. "Are you okay?"

"We're getting to that. Calm down before you freak her out." Alex let go of Kara and looked back at Sam. "How are you feeling, Sam?"

Kara waited for her answer with worried puppy eyes. Alex had the Danvers Crinkle in full effect but part of her was working, Sam could see it. The way her eyes flicked to the monitors on the other side of the bed proved it.

"Groggy, and kind of weak."

"Weak how?" Alex walked to the end of Sam's bed and grabbed a clipboard. Then she got a pen off one of her lab tables and came back to Sam. "I need to update your med log now that you're awake."

"Okay." Sam nodded slowly, dumbly. "Weak like if I tried to get up I would probably fall down or something."

"And groggy?"

"Like my brain is a couple steps behind everything else."

"Those are pretty good descriptors for someone who's groggy."

"I've been waking up like this pretty frequently. It's not so hard to pin down after a while."

Alex wrote some things down. She set the clipboard down across Sam's knees then turned to her fully. Kara stood statue still next to them and didn't say a word, but Sam could still feel the concern rolling off of her.

"I need to check some of your vitals and areas of concern. Just bear with me, okay?"

Sam nodded and then Alex's fingers pushed up along Sam's sternum, did the same thing down her spine. Both of Alex's hands came up to Sam's neck and held the base of her head. She pushed at the spot where her spine met her skull. Then out came the stethoscope and commands of deep breaths.

"Sam, I know you just woke up and I don't want to rush you into anything, but we need an account of what happened to you."

Predictable. But that didn't mean Sam was ready to talk. Alex's voice was quiet and gentle, like she really didn't want to rush her. That made it a little easier.

"Now?"

"If you feel up to it."

"And if I don't?"

Alex smiled and took one of Sam's hand. It felt weird. A foreign gesture between them but Sam could appreciate what Alex was trying to convey. "Then we wait until you do. I do, uh, need to talk to you about your arm though."

Sam pulled her hand away from Alex. She would have thought this fell into the category of things she didn't want to talk about. Her left arm was…she knew what it was. Lillian had told her.

Kara walked to the other side of the bed. Her hands stayed clear of her arm and shoulder but did rest on her knee. They both knew then. Sam felt the panic she woke up with rising again. Kara squeezed her knee in support.

"It's–"

"I know." Sam cut her off. Brisk. Curt. Scared and trying to hide it. "You don't have to tell me."

"No, I do, Sam. I guarantee that whatever they told you wasn't true. Or at least it wasn't the whole truth."

Lillian told her they operated on Sam's left arm. Specifically, her shoulder and hand. They were bionic. Like her dad except less. His whole arm was done. She just had the two parts but there had been plans to continue with the procedures.

It was like Alex read her mind. "Whatever Lillian did, she didn't do it like Dad's arm."

"She said it was just like Dad's."

Alex shook her head. "It's not. Can you control it?"

"She said that Dad had trouble in the beginning too. It would go back to normal in time."

Sam could hear it. She was blindly believing in the words of the woman who took her hostage then operated on her. But that was the only information she had. It needed to be true. It didn't matter who told her what. That needed to be true.

"Sam, listen to me. Okay? Hear me out. The metal components we sampled from Dad's arm do not match yours. We only ran a scan because we didn't want to go in without your permission but as far as we can tell, your arm is different. Very different."

"What does that mean?"

"We don't know."

That didn't bode well. It didn't make Sam feel good either. On top of the dread, she was _pissed_ at herself for believing what Lillian told her. A lie she should have seen right through. One, it was Lillian. Why Sam thought she could believe her was a mystery. A stupid one. Two, Sam's arm looked different than her dad's. She couldn't remember exactly but she didn't remember there being any scarring on him. At least not like Sam's.

The sisters sat without saying anything. Alex was letting her process. Sam was trying to. Kara was doing her best at just being there. It was hard when it seemed no one knew what would happen now.

"You said you guys need to, uh, operate?"

"No!" Kara answered forcibly. Alex gave her a look then elaborated.

"Not an operation, not really. We'd make an incision for a scope and a retraction tool. Two small incisions. No full-blown operation."

"When?"

"Sooner rather than later but we'll wait until you're ready."

"Just do it now."

"Are you sure?" Sam nodded. Alex looked unsure. "We can wait."

"There's no reason to."

"Really Sam. It can wait." Kara added. "There's no reason to rush this."

Sam looked up at her then down at her left hand. She tried to pick it up and succeeded but it twitched and jumped. Sam let it drop back onto her leg. "That's about as much as I can do with it, Kara. If I get lucky it doesn't do things on its own. This can't wait."

"We'll do it in the morning then, as long as you're sure."

"Alex, seriously. I'm sure. Don't ask me again, okay? I can still think for myself." Sam snapped back. Showing the extent of the aftermath of Lillian and Elijah's little experiment had put her in a sour mood. Remembering how serious it was didn't help.

"I know that! I'm not saying you can't, I'm just…worried is all. You were gone for a long time, Sam."

"And now I'm not. I'm back. It's all fine."

"Don't do that." Kara said quietly.

"Do what?"

"Pretend like what you went through wasn't hell. You're tough, I get it, but you're not invincible and it's not fine."

"What else do you want me to do?" Sam asked, tired. Physically tired but too mentally tired for this lecture too.

"We want you to be okay. We were scared we lost you." Alex answered. Kara reached up and rubbed at her eye. Sam looked between them and sighed. Tired was quickly turning to exhausted in the way that only happened after those surgeries.

"You didn't. I'm right here and yea, I'm not invincible and ya know, maybe I'm not fine _right now_ but I will be."

Sam held her arms open and out. They felt heavy, especially her left. The idea of hugging her sister worried Sam but she would try. And maybe it was the exhaustion that had her wanting this in the first place. She looked at Kara first. The dubious, watery look she got made her smile.

"Seriously?" Kara asked, a smile coming out.

"Yea." Sam shrugged her still outstretched arms. "I was a hostage for…I don't really know how long, and you were worried. I think it calls for a hug."

"What in the actual hell is happening?" Alex asked with a laugh as Kara all but dove into the hug. Sam looked at her with her arms still around Kara. She felt her left jerk and squeeze. Quickly, she pulled out of it.

"Only a side hug for you if you're gonna be a jerk about it." Sam joked, using the pretend insult as a reason to not use her left. She reached out her right for Alex to slide into it. Kara's hand wrapped around her left wrist and held down as it jumped. Sam pretended not to feel it. When Alex pulled away, Sam asked, "Can I get something to eat?"

"Sure. Anything specific in mind?"

"No but I'm probably going to fall asleep soon."

"I'll be quick."

They watched Alex leave. The lab door slide shut. Kara's hand didn't leave her wrist and Sam didn't try to make her.

"Is it luck when you have more mobility?"

"If I'm trying to move it, yea."

"And if you aren't?"

Sam didn't answer. In the blurry minutes of waking up, she hadn't remembered her arm's tendency to move on its own. There hadn't been a whole lot of coherent thought those first few minutes. Now that she was remembering, she didn't mind Kara's hand keeping hers down or the worried tone in her sister's voice. Pride be damned.

"That's why Alex's little operation can't wait."

"Oh Sam…" Kara's grip loosened a little. Her other hand came up to rest on Sam's arm. Not restraining her as much as a gesture of comfort. "How bad is it?"

"Unpredictable and cause for concern."

"Cadmus didn't show you how to use it?"

"You heard Alex!" Sam snapped. "They didn't even tell me the truth. What about that makes you think they'd teach me how to fucking use it?"

Sam closed her eyes and took a deep breath. A headache was forming behind her right eye. It was like she could feel it spreading into her temple and around to the back of her head. This wasn't Kara's fault. She shouldn't take it out on her.

She was just so damn angry. And so damn scared. And _so_ damn tired. It was all too much. Sam wasn't even hungry any more. Not that she really was when she asked Alex for something. It was just a way to get Alex to leave them alone for a few minutes.

"I'm tired." She finally said. "Will you go tell Alex that I don't want to eat? I really just want to go back to sleep."

"You should eat, Sam. If you don't–"

"Kara." Sam bit out, eyes still closed, trying her hardest not to lash out again. "Please."

The hands on her wrist and arm left. Then, she felt Kara kiss the top of her head. "Okay. Sorry if I pushed too hard. I'm just worried, but I'll tell Alex." There was a short pause. "I love you, Sam."

She didn't say it back. She was too busy trying not to cry. Sam knew that she was acting stupid and she really shouldn't be lashing out at her sister. Kara had saved her. Kara had been worried. It didn't matter. Sam couldn't help it. It was like she couldn't control it, just like her stupid arm.


	111. Chapter 111

The next time Sam woke up James and Winn were in the lab with her. No working Alex or any other agent. It seemed like they cleared out to give Sam her own room for healing. James was spread out at the lab counter. He was hunched over on his stool, pouring over the papers in front of him. Every now and then he'd put them down and type furiously on his laptop. Winn was slouched in a chair to Sam's right. The swipes on his tablet were lazy and his eyes looked half glazed.

That changed as Sam shifted in her bed. The room was bright, and Sam squinted as her eyes got used to it. Winn jumped up from his seat. He worried at her bedside but didn't touch her. James simply swiveled on the stool to look at her. He smiled, shook his head at Winn then got up to push him a little farther from Sam's bedside.

"Chill out, man." He said to Winn then to her, "Hey Sam."

"Hey." She croaked out. Her throat was dry, and her voice sounded awful. She cleared it but that didn't help anything. The opposite actually. It threw her into a coughing fit that shook in her chest painfully. She felt worse than last night. All the rest she was getting was catching up to her and letting her body really feel everything that's wrong.

A cup of water was thrust at Sam. A little of it slipped over the edge, onto her blanket. Winn's other hand tried to catch it but with no luck. The jerky movement only made more spill. "Sorry!"

Sam took the cup. She shook her head but took a drink before thanking him. "It's okay. Thanks."

Winn beamed. He jerked a thumb over his shoulder. "Alex asked us to let her know when you woke up. I'm gonna go do that. Do you need anything?" Sam shook her head. "Okay. If you do, just let me know."

Winn backtracked a few steps then spun on his heel. He didn't get very far. At the door, he turned back around. "It's good to have you back, Sam."

That made her feel…self-conscious? Somehow? Maybe that wasn't the right word for how she felt but the attention was making Sam feel uncomfortable. She gave a weak smile and mumbled out a few incoherent words then busied herself with taking another drink. It was something to do with the nerves settling in her hands.

Well, with one hand. Her right was busy bringing the cup up for another drink. Her left was flexing her fingers out wide by her thigh. Sam tried to get it to stop moving. Her focus was derailed by James, not that she was having any luck.

"It is. Nice to have you back, I mean. We were really worried about you." Sam looked at him, to respect that he was talking to her, but she didn't comment. She wasn't convinced it was good to be back.

No. It _was_ good to be back. Beyond relieving to be back in all honesty. But, that hadn't been her plan. Okay, no. No. Her plan was to get rescued by her sisters. What her plan was _not_ was to be operated on in order to become some sort of Cadmus super solider nor to have her father take her place again. Pissed at her dad or not, she didn't want him with Cadmus. That was a rollercoaster all on its own. Add it into the pot of basically being a prisoner of way and there was no way Sam wanted to feel anything.

"How are you?"

"I'll be fine."

"Sam, come on. Talk to me. You went through hell. I just wanna make sure you're okay."

"I." Sam hit that single letter hard and forced herself to soften up at the sound of it. "will be fine. I promise."

"Okay." James nodded. "I get it but if you ever do need someone to talk to, I got you."

"Thanks."

They didn't get much further in their tense, at least that's how it felt for Sam, conversation. Alex came marching through the door and right up to Sam's bedside. It was almost like she climbed right in. Alex's hands were everywhere. Checking vitals and tubes and wires and Sam.

"Alex." Sam sighed out, pushing her hands and pulling her chin away from her. Anything to get some distance.

"Sorry." She took a _small_ step back and smiled. "I'm sorry. Good morning. How are you feeling?"

Sam's eyes jumped back to James and Winn behind Alex. Not the audience she wanted but she couldn't lie to Alex. Her sister would know. This wasn't some small ache Sam could hide. "Worse than last night."

"You look worse." Alex took back the distance she had just gave Sam and leaned in. Her hand came up to feel some of the bruises on her face. "You look tired."

Sam nodded. She was. Last night was like a thick blanket of exhaustion was over her, impossible to ignore and all consuming. Almost comforting in its embrace. Today it felt more like a weight pressing on her. Her eyes were scratchy, her head hurt like someone was squeezing her brain between sledge hammer hits, and her limbs felt heavy and achy.

"Are you sure you want to move forward with the biopsy of your arm?"

"Yea."

"There's something else we have to go in for. I didn't want to mention it last night. Ya know, add more to your plate."

"What?" Sam asked. She already knew.

"The chip." Sam nodded. Her right arm reached up and tapped twice right over the damn thing. She wasn't sure what the scar looked like, but she knew what it felt like. It was faint now. Alex's fingers skimmed over the same spot. Then she leaned in and gently bent Sam's ear forward to get a look at the spot.

"Okay." She said mostly to herself. "That should be easy. A really simple procedure to get that out. You okay with that?"

Sam nodded. Even if it wasn't simple, if it was the most complex surgery there could ever be, Sam would be okay with that. That chip had been the literal bane of her existence with Cadmus. It needed to come out of her skull. Now.

"Let's get some food in you and then we'll prep you for surgery in a few hours."

"I'm not really that hungry."

"I know, Sam, but you need to eat. You're thin." Alex grimaced through an empathetic smile that made Sam's blood boil and her cheeks want to heat up. "And even if that wasn't the case, we have to get you to NC General. I don't know how being up and on your feet is going to affect you; I need you to eat."

"Fine."

Alex turned around. "Why don't you two go get her something. But, take it easy. We don't know how her stomach is going to react after…everything either. Something like soup."

"On it, Boss." Winn answered with a small salute. He looked around Alex to Sam. "Any requests?" She shook her head.

"That's okay." James grabbed Winn by the shoulder and started to pull him out of the room. "We'll be back soon."

"Thanks guys!" Alex called after them. She turned around to Sam once they were gone. "Can I get you anything until they get back?"

"More water." Sam added in a "Please."

"Of course. That's it?"

Sam nodded. She had some questions Alex could answer but one was nagging at her the most. It slipped out before Sam could think better of it, "Where's Lucy?"

Alex looked over her shoulder from the sink with a knowing smile. Like Kara's used to be when she was talking Sam into admitting her feelings. She came back with the water and handed it over. The water went down easier this time. Sam drained it in one go and handed the cup back to Alex. She declined another refill.

"Lucy's at home. I can call her and let her know you're awake if you want?"

"No." Sam rushed out. "No, that's okay. I was, uh, just wondering. You don't have to do that. She doesn't need to be here. I-I don't really want her here. So."

Alex's smiled stretched into amused. "You _don't_?" Sam shook her head. "Okay then. She was here when we brought you back, but I told her to go home and rest. I'm sure she'll be back later."

"Alright. Whatever." Sam tried to brush it off. An easy task since her left hand jumped off the bed, flexed wide then closed in a tight fist. Sam grabbed it with her right and pulled it into her lap.

Alex looked at her hands then directly at Sam. The intensity of concern and just a little bit of anger in her eyes made Sam squirm. "What was that?"

"An unfortunate side effect of Cadmus. It's why we can't put this little operation off."

"Sam…"

"Let it go, Alex. I don't know enough to answer your questions any way. Remember? Tell James and Winn to hurry up so I can eat and then you can get answers for yourself."

Her tone left a lot to be desired. Sam could hear it. She just didn't really care. Her body hurt, her hand was stupid, and she was tired. Not to mention, she really didn't have the answers. So, she didn't want to have the conversation. That weird self-conscious feeling wasn't helping things either.

The look on Alex's face didn't translate to fine. "I have some work I need to take care of before we scope your arm."

Sam wanted to respond with fine. Be a bitch and get Alex to leave her alone but silence won out. Being a bitch was sometimes better articulated through silence.

"I don't want to leave you on your own though. So, I'll stay in here with you until the boys get back."

"What?" Sam's features scrunched. That was ridiculous. She _did not_ need to be babysat. "No. You don't have to stay in here."

"I don't. But, I will."

"I don't need a fucking babysitter."

"First of all, that's not what this is. Cadmus had you for weeks, Sam. You were by yourself for _weeks_. I'm not going to leave you by yourself now that we have you back." Alex paused. Her eyes dropped for a second. When they came back, she added, "This isn't only for your sake."

That was not what Sam expected to hear. It was nice, just unexpected. And, she appreciated it. For all her talk, Sam didn't really want to be alone. Not completely alone at least.

"And second," Alex continued, "now that I've seen your exorcist arm in action, like _hell_ I am leaving you alone."

"Whatever."

"Yea. 'Whatever," Sam." Alex rolled her eyes and turned away. She busied herself with something on the other side of the room.

Most of Sam was battling. The scared little girl in her, recently brought back to life by Cadmus, wanted so badly to reach out for Alex. The scarred and bitter, cynical woman she grew up to be wanted so badly to shove Alex farther away. It was confusing. It was frustrating. It was a little too much to deal with. But, the last part of Sam, the redemption-seeking little sister, needed Alex to know she wasn't the reason for all this posturing. Two beat one but bitter and cynical didn't go down without a fight.

"Uh…Alex?" No answer. Not that Sam should have expected one. She barely called out for her sister, still a little unsure she wanted to. She tried a little louder, "Alex."

Alex hummed. She turned, a packet in hand that she was reading. Those papers had the majority of her attention. That almost stopped Sam's attempt cold. But, not quite. That wasn't enough.

"Alex?"

"Yea, Sam?" She finally looked up. And Sam looked down. Then away. She fidgeted with the tubing taped to her wrist from the IV.

"Thanks…uh, thanks for getting me." She paused. The words catching in her chest. "Like from Cadmus."

"You never have to thank me for that." Sam glanced at Alex then let her eyes fall away. Her sister put the papers down and came back to Sam's side of the room. She didn't reach out to touch Sam. For that, she was grateful. "I will _always_ come for you. I don't care where you are or who has you."

"Yea, well…" Sam swallowed. The scared little girl and the redemption-seeking little sister rejoiced. Bitter and cynical cringed away. "Thanks."

Alex smiled. Her hand came up to rest on Sam's shoulder. "Of course."

She pulled away as James and Winn came walking back into the lab. There was a flurry of words thrown around as they tried to explain the overabundance of food they brought back. They must have divided to conquer because there was no way they picked up so much food, from different places, in such a short amount of time. Sam smiled and rolled her eyes at their eager explanations. She tried not to feel too bad about picking at oatmeal and some toast. They brought so much, and it was really nice of them but Sam really wasn't that hungry.

Alex pushed her to eat and Sam pushed down her annoyance. She reminded herself that Alex's over-protective big sister mode was going to be in overdrive for a long while. And, that the looming procedure was the reason for most of it.

After the food was cleared out, taken to some conference room for the agents to be able to get at, Alex shooed James and Winn away. James left with a fist bump, a smile, and a promise to check in with Sam later. Winn was dragged out while rambling away on all the ways Sam could reach him during his shift if she needed anything. It was funny how their friendship turned around. Not too long ago it couldn't even be called that. She wasn't even sure if she could now. But Winn was family because he was Kara's family. So, by extension he was Alex's and Sam's too. Family trumped friendship.

"I need to step out and make some calls, make sure we're ready for your, uh, operation. I'll be right outside."

"You can go." Sam offered. "Like I said, I don't need a babysitter and you have a job that needs your attention more than I do."

"Don't try to downplay this, Sam. _You_ need my attention most right now, whether you like it or not. Deal with it."

"Okay, that's not…Just go do what you need to do. I'll be fine. That's all I was trying to say."

Sam was annoyed. Every conversation circled back to her being annoyed. And then, her not wanting to be annoyed because she craved human contact with her sisters and the people she cares about because she has been _starved_ of it for the past few weeks. Starved of any kind of human contact except for the kind that resulted in pain or fear or both. The feelings were contradictory and confusing and annoying. And, fuck if they weren't more exhausting than anything else.

Alex raised any eyebrow as she looked at Sam, thinking. Her arms came up slowly to cross over her chest. One hand came out to point in Sam's direction. "Give me a minute."

Alex stepped out and Sam deflated. Finally, she thought. Her head lulled back on the pillow supporting her. The reprieve was short lived.

"You'll be by yourself for ten minutes. Tops. Think you can handle that?"

"I can handle a lot more than that, Alex." Sam replied, not bothering to pick her head up, with false kindness. "I'm fucking tired. I'll probably fall asleep in less than ten minutes anyways."

Hands were pressing against Sam's forehead then cheeks. She opened her eyes to glare at Alex, but she didn't try to stop her. Alex pressed with two fingers at her pulse in Sam's neck.

"Am I dying doc?"

"Don't. That's not funny."

Sam tried to ignore the flare of guilt. It really wasn't funny. Especially since only a few days ago she was contemplating if death wouldn't be a better fate than what she had been going through.

She deflected. "Who's coming in for next shift?"

"Lucy."

" _What?"_ Sam all but choked out.

"She was already on her way in. You want to see her right? Maggie told me what happened."

"Of course, she fucking did." She mumbled to herself. She was nervous. In the warehouse and on the ride back Sam had been so overwhelmed and overstimulated and so done that she couldn't be anything more than happy to see Lucy. Now, she was in a good enough state to overthink and overanalyze and panic.

"Do you not want to see her, Sam? I can call her back and tell her not to come, it's not a good time or something."

"What?" Sam hadn't really been listening. Without waiting for Alex to clarify, she continued, "No. Don't tell her that."

"So, you do want to see her?"

"Yes. Of course, I do. Why wouldn't I?"

"You tell me."

"It doesn't matter."

Sam wasn't even talking to Alex anymore. Not really. The words were coming at all the right points, but she was too tied up in her own head to think about what was being said. That self-conscious feeling from earlier was coming back. Her chest was tight, and her heart was going too fast because she didn't know what to expect. It was terrifying.

Alex put her hand on her arm. It snapped Sam out of it, at least a little. She looked at Alex. All wide-eyed and nervous. The rollercoaster of emotions and what was okay to show and what wasn't was getting to Sam. It was making things worse. Maybe if she could get a damn handle on herself than she would know what to expect from Lucy.

"Relax. You're fine."

"I feel like I look like I lost a fight with a meat tenderizer and my left hand moves on its own. Our definitions of fine might be a little different."

Alex smiled at that. "You look like you got in a fight with a meat tenderizer and _won_. It makes all the difference. Ah," Her smile turned into a smirk, "there's a smile. Do that when Lucy gets here, and she won't even notice."

"Bullshit." Sam chuckled. "Get out of here."

"Honestly, Sam." Alex got serious but did take a step back, preparing to leave. "You don't look as bad as you should."

"Gee. Thanks."

"No really. I mean, you're terrifyingly thin and beat to hell but you look better than when we first got you back. It's progress and that's all that matters."

That got Sam thinking. How long has it even been since they 'first got her back'? She vaguely remembered waking up the night before and talking to Kara. Pieces of it were blurry but most of it was there. The big stuff. At least, she thought so. But what did that really mean? There was no real way for her to know how long she had been free.

"Alex?" Her sister stopped to listen. "How, uh…How long…" Any variation of the question seemed wrong to Sam. She didn't know how to ask. It needed to be cleared up though. No choice. "How long ago was that?"

Alex checked her watch. "A little over 24 hours ago. You've been asleep most of that time."

"Oh. Okay." Sam nodded like that information meant something to her. "Thanks."

It should have meant something. She thought it would have. Really, it felt arbitrary. Her being back didn't feel real. Any minute she was really going to wake up and it wouldn't be to the DEO and her sisters. It would be to her little room in that warehouse.

She quickly pushed those thoughts down and away. It was real. She was in the DEO. Alex and Kara saved her. Cadmus was gone, for now. It was real. It was real. It was real.

A new train of thought was noticed and focused on. Sam wondered what she actually looked like. Losing a fight with a meat tenderizer was descriptive but not real. She hadn't had any way to know what in the hell she looked like. Hell, most likely, is exactly what she looked like. That seemed meat tenderizer-esque. Sam hadn't been on her feet, hadn't moved more than a few inches left or right, or up or down on the bed. There were no mirrors in Alex's lab and she hadn't been out of the lab.

That had Sam thinking about the last time she went to the bathroom. Or thinking about the lack of a memory of the last time. Not the greatest thought. No time like the present to test her legs after so long of being out of it. Not to mention there would be a damn mirror in the bathroom.

Sam eased herself up and to the side of the bed. Her right hand was the one the doctors had stuck with the IV; she looked to the hanging bag and was pleased to see the hook pole was on wheels. Slowly, Sam inched herself farther toward the edge until her feet were firmly planted on the ground. Then she tried to push herself up. It wasn't easy and standing made it feel like Atlas with the world on her shoulders, but Sam didn't falter once she was upright. She didn't move for a few moments. The trust she had in her body was gone thanks to Cadmus. Both in their operating and in their care of her. Jell-O would be a generous descriptor of how her legs felt holding her weight.

Then it was one foot in front of the other. That dumbass song, that she secretly always liked, from _Santa Claus is Coming to Town_ played in her head. Like she was the Winter Warlock or something. Whatever it was like, it was working. One foot in front of the other was getting her slowly across the lab.

Fatigue was real though. Sam could feel it creeping over her faster than she liked. The closest locker room was to the left and down the hall. The odds of her making it on her own weren't good and rapidly declining. Sam stopped her slow steps and leaned a little more on her IV pole. Her eyes slipped shut. Passing out in the middle of the DEO wasn't ideal but she wanted to use the bathroom and she really wanted some kind of shower, or to wash her face at the very least, and to definitely brush her teeth. All things she could do in one of the locker rooms thanks to the DEO employees' insane work habits. J'onn had taken to keeping the locker rooms stocked with essentials.

"Should you be up?!"

Sam's eye's snapped open. Her head jerked up. Lucy was rushing toward her. A weird half power walk, half jog thing. And good thing since the sudden exclamation and her reaction to it made Sam light headed. Her weight fell more heavily onto the pole and the wheels started to give way, but Lucy grabbed her shoulders. It was just enough to keep Sam from going down.

"What are you doing?" Lucy leaned down a bit to be more in line with Sam. The smile that wanted to come out for Lucy was stifled by the embarrassment of Lucy seeing Sam like this. She managed a few half words and a sad excuse for a shrug. "Alex made it seem like you were out of commission. Are you allowed to be up?"

That ruffled Sam's feathers, grinded her gears, and fly a little off the handle. "I can do whatever I want."

It was meant to be a snap back. Sam even went as far as to try and pull away from Lucy. Wrong move. All it did was lurch her away from her support. Without it, Sam was not going to be able to stay on her feet. Lucy was there yet again to steady her.

"Hey, no. I know. That's not what I meant." It made Sam uncomfortable how Lucy was readjusting her left arm over her shoulder. If it…did its own thing, Sam didn't think she could stop it. "Of course, you can do what you want. I just meant health-wise, should you be up?"

The fight in Sam wasn't dying down quietly but she did need to go to the bathroom and shower and brush her damn teeth, and none of that was going to happen on her own. It killed her, and she hated it, but she needed to ask for help. From Lucy. Of all the fucking people who could help her; it had to be Lucy.

"I, uh…I need to go…I was going to the locker room."

Lucy readjusted her grip on Sam's wrist. "Is that okay?" Sam nodded. It really didn't hurt too bad. Truth be told, she didn't have much feeling in her left arm. It wouldn't matter how tight Lucy's grip was. "To the locker room? Why?"

"So, I can take a shower. I feel gross." Sam paused then rushed on. "And brush my teeth and ya know, go to the bathroom and stuff. It's like a one stop shop for all that."

Lucy's mouth formed a small 'o' as her head tipped back in a slow nod. Then, without another word, she started to walk. Well, without another word wasn't true. There weren't anymore questions on where and why Sam was trying to go. It was all about coaching her through actually getting her where she wanted to go. Lucy was great. Quiet words of encouragement in Sam's ear. Much needed encouragement as the process of going out of the lab, around the corner, and down the hall was long. Sam was hurting and tired. Multiple times she thought that maybe she over-committed trying to do this. But, the thought of a shower and clean teeth and a freaking toilet was worth it.

When they _finally_ got to the locker room, Lucy took them straight to one of the benches. Sam fell heavily onto it. Her breathing was embarrassingly labored. It was ridiculous. She reminded herself that she was just saved from torturous captivity the night before. That helped her wounded pride a little.

Lucy didn't talk while they sat. Sam was glad since all her energy went into getting a little recovery, so she could get up and do what she wanted. Bathroom. Teeth. Shower. That was the day's goal. Maybe…maybe it was just bathroom and brushing her teeth. That could be good enough. The general consensus from her various aching and exhausted body parts was that bathroom and brushed teeth was just perfect.

After several minutes, Sam shakily stood. Lucy stood with her, hands out and at the ready to help but she didn't. Sam finally mustered that smile for her once she was up. Equal parts grateful that Lucy wasn't treating her completely like glass and finally feeling happy to have Lucy there.

"I'll be quick."

"Are you sure you got this?"

"Lucy," Sam laughed, "I have to use the bathroom and we are not there yet."

Sam heard it after she said it; she hadn't meant to imply that there was anything still there between them. Curses flew in her head. On the outside, she mumbled that she would be right back then shuffled toward the bathroom portion of the locker room. It may have more effectively cut off conversation if it wasn't such a slow process for her to walk away. Either way, Lucy didn't pursue the conversation.

If walking away was a slow process, using the bathroom was snail-like. Sam had no choice but to take it slow. The last thing she wanted was for Lucy to _have_ to come help her. Brushing her teeth was much harder than she expected too. It required her to use her right hand which had been supporting her on the IV pole. But like hell Sam was going to let her possessed left arm come anywhere near her mouth with what could basically be a weapon. By the time she finished, Sam was exhausted. She couldn't tell if clean teeth and an empty bladder had been worth all the effort.

All throughout, Lucy waited patiently. Never once coming to check on Sam. It was a relief compared to how Alex was acting and waking up to being watched over by James and Winn. Their concern was nice but not exactly Sam's favorite thing in the world.

When Sam finally came shuffling out, it was to a smiling Lucy. She returned it with a small one. Lucy stood to help her. She took Sam by the elbow and put a hand at her back. She tried to angle them for the locker room door.

"Can we, uh…" Sam stumbled with her words, hesitated. She didn't want to admit that she needed a break. Which was ridiculous. She knew it but that didn't stop her pride from not wanting to ask for it.

"What's up?"

"Can we just…like sit? For a minute before we go back."

Sam was sure Lucy was going to give her a hard time about it. Not in a serious way but Lucy was always teasing Sam. It was getting weird that she hasn't. Once they were seated, Sam implied as much.

"Cat got your tongue?"

Lucy looked at her in confusion. Maybe a little guilty too. "What do you mean?"

"I mean you haven't really said much since you got here."

"Well excuse me." Lucy said dramatically. "Next time I'll make sure my priorities are straight: small talk first, aiding your general well-being second."

"Exactly."

"Shut up, Sam." Lucy rolled her eyes and laughed a little.

A not quite awkward but not at all comfortable silence filled between them. It stretched. And stretched. It was making Sam want to fidget but fidgeting hurt, so she didn't.

"So…so, I'm happy you're, uh. Here." Sam finally managed. She watched Lucy smile down at her hands before turning to her.

"Me too. I, um," Lucy wasn't one for filler words. Sam couldn't remember her ever using even one. "I was worried you wouldn't want to see me."

"Why wouldn't I want to see you?" Sam didn't really think as she replied. The confusion over Lucy worrying over that seemed so absurd. A very simple absurdity that didn't require Sam to think. And she should have with the direction their conversation could take.

Lucy shrugged. "I don't know. It's just…things happened and then they didn't and all that stuff with…everything that happened. I just didn't know."

"Lucy. Since I've met you, you have been nothing but clear and straight-forward. That," Sam waved in her direction to indicate the vagueness that came out of Lucy's mouth, "was neither of those things."

Lucy scrunched her face up and put it in her hands. "I know."

"Could you try again? Please."

After a sigh, she did. "That night, before…"

"Before Cadmus. You can say it. I'm not gonna like freak out or something if you say Cadmus." Sam stopped and thought. She was sure to have some sort of mental or emotional trauma from the past several weeks. That statement probably wasn't true. "At least I don't think so."

"God, Sam. I'm so sorry."

Sam held up a hand. "Apologizing for it will actually make me freak out. I don't want your pity."

"That's not what it is! I promise I'm not pitying you. Or…maybe I am but not because I don't think you can handle this or you're broken or something. Don't let your ego get in the way, Sam. I pity that you had to go through that, but I'm impressed that you survived it. Not surprised. _Impressed_." Then she added, "Grateful too."

That was a loaded comment. Sam was having trouble processing it. Because Lucy _was_ pitying her, and Sam hated that. But it was a compliment too. Then there was the whole part about her being grateful. The possible emotions the words could throw Sam into all cancelled each other out. She was blank.

"Back to what I was trying to say, that night when you came over and stayed for dinner was great. It was really great. But then Cadmus happened." Lucy shrugged long and slow, with a small shake of her head. "We didn't get a chance to get this thing off the ground. I guess I just wasn't sure what it meant now, and I didn't want to add to your plate. Not with…"

She trailed off and her eyes fell down to Sam's shoulder. Sam looked away. Guilt and a heavy insecurity came over her. This was going to be her life now. Always defined by her arm.

"Alex told you?" Lucy nodded. "How much did she tell you?"

"I was here for the entire initial check. I don't know anything about what happened after I left."

That wasn't ideal. None of it really was. If Sam got to have ideal than her life would be very different. She didn't want to deal with it though, so she didn't. Her hand tightened on the IV pole as she pulled herself to her feet. The room swayed a little, but she felt strong enough to get back to Alex's lab and lay down.

"Let's go back."


	112. Chapter 112

Getting back to the lab was worse than leaving it. The exertion of that trip there coupled with her bathroom activities had pushed Sam past her limit, and still she had to make it back. Pure grit and stubbornness got her back to the med bed in the lab without fainting.

Lucy must have seen it too because the distance between the lab door and the bed weren't taken slow. Lucy held most of Sam's weight as she all but pushed her across the room. Once Sam was on the bed, Lucy was rushing back out. Sam took the few seconds alone to openly catch her breath. She tried to ignore the way her vision blurred and pitched. It was nauseating. Her eyes slipped closed and she didn't bother opening them when fingers pushed at her pulse point.

"Sam, I need you to look at me. Open your eyes for me," Alex's voice was just barely held in check. "Come on, Sammy."

It was with much disdain that Sam dragged her eyes open. She was tired. Beyond exhausted, actually. All she wanted was to keep her eyes shut and fall asleep.

"There we go," Alex replied, much calmer and softer. She had a pen light in her hand. With quick, jerking movements she shined it in each of Sam's eyes. Whatever she found there calmed her down even more. "That was stupid. You should have asked for help." Alex paused and straightened from her lean over Sam. "I should have thought to ask actually. This is my fault."

"Shut up," Sam said. "It is not your fault. Stop taking the blame for shit you can't control."

"How are you feeling?"

"Like I'm sick of people asking me that."

"I get that, I do, but that answer is just going to make me ask you again. So. Sam. How are you feeling?"

Sam rolled her eyes into closing them. So sick of it. Not that she had any right to be. Alex said she had only been back a little over 24 hours. She actually knew what she looked like now too. It was not good. Her face screamed for people to ask her how she was feeling. It was valid.

"Sam," Alex prompted.

With a sigh she answered, "That took a lot out of me. I kinda feel nauseous."

Alex nodded. "I'll bring you something for that. Do you still want to go through with your arm today?"

"Yea."

"What's happening with her arm?" Lucy stepped toward them. Curiosity and concern written all over her. Alex turned then looked back at Sam then Lucy again.

"She'll tell you. I'll be back."

Alex left without anything else. Leaving Sam with Lucy but at least they didn't have to talk about their previous conversation. Because for Sam it was easy to admit she was happy to see Lucy. It was a whole other beast to talk about how their barely budding…thing…was derailed and where they stand now and what it means, and it all sent Sam into a blank-minded panic. Talking about her arm was easy in comparison.

"Stop me if you know this already," Sam started in a bored tone. She remained laying down and eyes closed. "They don't know anything about my arm except that it's not like my dad's."

"Alex said that last night."

"They're going to scope it today and get a sample." Sam stopped before she went on to tell Lucy about the chip. She didn't really want to. But, if Alex found it while Lucy was there then she already knew. For some reason, Sam felt shame in admitting that something like that was planted in her. Like she could have stopped it. She wondered why she felt so many contradictory feelings from what she went through. Lucy saved her from making a decision.

"And the chip?"

"They'll remove it."

"Good," Lucy said quietly. She sounded a lot closer.

Sam focused on breathing slowly. It was kind of easy. The shift in the feel of the room led her into that blank-minded panic. No thoughts in or out, just a jittery feeling of anxiousness and the vague knowledge that she wasn't going to be comfortable.

"Sam, about what we were talking about before. I think we should continue talking about it. When you're ready to, of course, but we need to. At least I do."

Lucy paused, giving Sam time to respond. Which she would have if her thoughts would cooperate and show up. No luck so Sam said nothing.

"I was willing to wait before and I still am. More than before, actually. And, if it makes it easier, I still–"

"Okay. Dr. Mottershead said this should help." Alex, unknowingly, interrupted whatever Lucy was going to say. Which annoyed Sam. It sounded like Lucy was going to say something she really wanted to hear, something that would help her get her self-conscious shit together.

Sam opened her eyes to watch Alex walk across the room. Her eyes were glued to the label of the bottle in her hands. Before she even got to a counter, and while still reading, Alex had the cap off. She looked up as she dug around in a drawer.

"Everything okay?"

"Yea." Lucy responded. Not that her tone really conveyed that answer. She sounded a touch too resigned for Sam, but she didn't say anything to make it better.

Alex looked at Sam, at Lucy. Then she turned back to what she was doing. "You need to take 30 milliliters of this and it should kick in in about 20 minutes."

Sam pushed herself up on her elbows to take the small medicine cup from her sister. It was a murky white and smelled chalky. Not surprising when it tasted chalky too. Alex chuckled at Sam's face as she handed the cup back. She handed her a cup of water next. Sam threw it back like a shot. It only offered minimal cleansing of the chalk taste.

"I'll check back in 20," Alex informed. She said it to Sam but turned to Lucy as well. "If the medicine is working, we'll prep you for the biopsy."

Forgoing a verbal answer, Sam held up her right hand with a thumb up. She lowered herself back down flat on the bed and watched Alex talk to Lucy. A lot of assuring her that Alex would be close by, to let her know if Sam needed anything, things to watch for. Sam was too tired and sick to care that they were talking about her like she wasn't there.

Once Alex was gone, Lucy said she had some work she could busy herself with while Sam rested. That was the extent of their talking for 20 minutes. Sam was feeling better when Alex came back. She wasn't exactly feeling good, but she wasn't scared she was going to throw up any moment. That was good enough for Alex.

After a brief talking with Dr. Mottershead, Alex would be back to get Sam prepped. As much as Sam had said it didn't matter and they needed to do this biopsy, she was still scared. Alex was too wrapped up in a task to notice but Lucy did. She waited for Alex to leave before she set her laptop aside, left her seat, and stood next to Sam's bed. Sam was still sitting up from Alex's observation.

"You okay?"

An interesting question. Physically? No. Mentally? Still no. Sam shook her head. The fear was resigned, like Sam was almost bored with it but it still felt very potent. And familiar. Lucy took both of Sam's hands, but Sam pulled her left out. Lucy didn't skip a beat as both her hands wrapped around Sam's right.

"Do you want me to go with you?" That was not an interesting question, nor a hard one. Sam nodded. "Okay. I'll be there when you wake up too. It's going to go okay, Sam. I promise."

Maybe it would. Maybe it wouldn't. Sam's fear of going under the knife again paled in comparison to her fear of what the doctor would find. More so, what Alex would find. All the doctor was doing was collecting the sample. It would be Alex who studied it.

"Hey." Lucy said quietly, leaning toward Sam a little. She repeated herself again when Sam didn't look. Only when she did did Lucy continue, "Talk to me."

"I don't know what they're going to find."

"Don't you think it'll be better once you finally know?" Sam shrugged. "When you know, you can do something about it. You're not stuck," Lucy looked away and shook her head side to side as she searched for the words she wanted. Sam watched her, enjoying the closeness of Lucy in that moment. "Struggling against this thing you don't know."

When she looked back, it was right into Sam's eyes. Sam could feel the intensity in her own gaze, but she didn't care to hide it. There was a lot pressing down on her. She felt the intensity everywhere. In her hands, her legs, her shoulders. Lucy smiled and dropped Sam's hands in favor of cupping her face.

"You're going to be okay."

That was it. No lean in. No kiss. Just a really innocent intimacy that Sam didn't know she wanted in her life. She nodded with Lucy's hands still in place. The words weren't that comforting, and they only held the amount of comfort that they did because they came from Lucy.

Those thoughts, that relief of some of the pressure thanks to Lucy, knocked Sam from her blank mind. The conversation Lucy wanted to have didn't seem so daunting and Sam was finding the words. Instead of waiting, and letting her depreciating thoughts talk her out of it, Sam decided to just go for it right then. Dive right in.

"We should talk, like you want. We should probably do it right now."

"Really?" Lucy let her hands drop from Sam's face. They rested on the bed next to Sam and as much as Sam was ready to talk and she enjoyed the contact and the closeness, she was not ready to reach out for Lucy. The unsureness of her control of her left kept both hands in her lap.

"Yea. Why not?"

Instead of Lucy answering, Alex did. Well, Alex butted in. Again. Again, she was unaware of what she was interrupting.

"Hey, we need to get you over to NC General."

"Now? Like _right_ now?" Sam asked, annoyed as hell.

"Yes now." Alex looked at her like she was crazy. Then, like she was pushing Sam into something she wasn't ready for. "Wait, are you reconsidering this? We can wait."

"No." Lucy answered for Sam. It was probably best too, because Sam would totally have said yes to that. She looked at Lucy to say as much but Lucy shook her head. "I'll be there when you wake up, remember? We can do this then."

"Fine."

"Is everything okay?" Now Alex looked confused.

"It's fine, Alex." Lucy answered with a bright smile. "How long do you think it'll take?"

"The biopsy won't take long. As for the results, who knows. It all depends on what kind of sample the good doctor gets me."

"Will I be out long?"

Alex nodded. "Yea. The anesthesia we're going to use is pretty potent. Dr. Mottershead was nervous about how close some of the bionic matter is to your spine. She wants to be sure that you're completely out to ensure nothing happens while she's in there."

Not what Sam wanted to hear. Her breathing caught a few times and her stomach bottomed out. Three times in her life she had been put "completely out". All three with Cadmus. All three had been hell to wake up from. Lucy covered Sam's hand with her own. She squeezed it then let go.

She moved to the side and offered Sam her hand. Alex stepped to her other side. They helped Sam from the bed. Outside of the lab was a wheelchair. _Everything_ in Sam rebelled against the idea of being pushed through the DEO in that thing. But, her trip to the locker room told her she could not get anywhere further on her own feet.

Alex pushed Sam. Lucy walked next to Sam. Every agent they passed stared openly. It made Sam uncomfortable. Their pitying smiles made it worse. She tried to tell herself that they were just being nice. It didn't help her pride any. Nothing helped that damn thing.

The car ride was short. Sam never realized how close National City General Hospital was to the DEO. She wondered if that was on purpose. Alex rolled her into the hospital, into the elevator but instead of going up, they went down. Three floors down.

The doors opened to a very simple floor. Four nurses were on duty. Two of the rooms had the curtains drawn. Dr. Mottershead, a tall, thin woman, approached them with a smile. Her demeanor was so different than Lillian Luthor's, but she still looked a bit like her. Sam's apprehension built.

"I'm going to assume you're Sam," she said, reaching out to shake hands. Sam did and nodded. "It's nice to meet you. I'm Olivia Mottershead. I've seen you around the DEO, but we've never met. Alex, here, has always tended your injuries."

"Yea." Sam croaked out.

The doctor cut right to the chase. "Today is pretty straightforward. We'll put you out and go in to remove the chip and take some samples. I'm going to take a sample from your wrist, shoulder, neck and chest. From the x-ray we took at the DEO, the shoulder implant goes up the left side of your nect and down into your pectoral muscle. You're hand starts at mid-forearm. All in all, I'll be operating for about an hour. You'll rest here until you feel up to going back to the DEO or home, maybe, if your sister is comfortable with that."

"Can she?" Alex asked.

"If you both feel comfortable with it." Dr. Mottershead answered. "The fact that she got here okay is promising. I wouldn't say she can be left on her own yet but home with supervision would be more comfortable in my opinion." She looked back at Sam. "Any questions on the plan for today?"

Sam shook her head. "Let's get it over with."

Alex and Lucy didn't follow as the doctor rolled Sam away. It was just Sam and this woman who she knew from around the DEO but not in any real way. And who reminded her enough of Lillian Luthor to make Sam's hair stand on end.

Prep for the short operation was quick and easy. Then they gave her a shot in the neck. In a matter of moments Sam was feeling drowsy and calm. The anesthesiologist gently placed a mask over her face then. Sam barely had time to feel her panic rise before she slipped out of consciousness.


	113. Chapter 113

**A/N: No editing. Excuse my mistakes.**

Her breath came out in short, painful gusts. Her feet were relentless in their pounding across the cement floors. It didn't matter, the hall seemed endless; there was no end or escape in sight. That didn't even matter. There was no stopping because if Sam stopped, whatever was behind her would catch her. She didn't know exactly what was behind her but every bone and hair and fiber in her body was screaming that it wasn't someone or some _thing_ she wanted to know.

Farther she ran. No distance was achieved though. Sam could feel it, the thing or the person behind her. It made no noise and she never looked behind her, but she could feel it, it was close. Much closer than she liked. So, she ran. Harder. Farther. Faster.

The hallway forked into three paths. Sam wouldn't have noticed if there had been an option to keep going straight. Her choices were a sharp right or left, or veer left. Time slowed as she made her decision. Right. Left. Slight left. Right. Left. Slight left. Not right. There was no reason to go right.

Left or slight left. Two choices. Something behind her, getting closer. Closer. Closer. Left. Slight left. Sam couldn't think of the last time she took so long in making a snap decision like this. Sam could barely think, even if she tried. As she stood, everything around her slowed even more. She turned to one left and then the other. Her brain felt a step behind her eyes. Things were distorted, and she felt disoriented.

"Sam?" Someone called out. The voice sounded familiar, but Sam was in survival mode. Fight or flight. Her brain wasn't working with her and it didn't matter how familiar it was. Sam needed to get away from it.

Left or slight left. She needed to go. Now. Left. No…yes. Left. Go! Sam blinked hard, shook her head. Everything was so slow. Nevertheless, she pushed on. One foot in front of the other. She stumbled and tripped but after a few steps her legs steadied under her. She was streaking through the halls once more. The concrete walls a blur on her sides.

The thing was back. Gaining. Sam could feel its breath on her neck. Its presence looming behind her. She squeezed her eyes shut, tucked her chin in, and put all she had left into one last push of speed. Anything to get some distance.

It wasn't enough. One brief, sweet moment had Sam feeling like just maybe she would make it. The next a solid mass was hitting her from the back. They toppled to the ground, rolling and skidding a short distance. Hands and feet lashed out.

Sam gained the upper hand and kicked out from under her attacker. She scrambled a few feet away and rounded to keep her eyes on the danger. Her defenses sagged in shock as she saw her attacker for the first time.

It was her. But not…

It was definitely Sam. She'd been looking in the mirror for 23 years, there was no way she could mistake herself. The not was her Hank Henshaw get-up. This Sam had half her face covered in metal, one electric blue eye. Her left arm was all metal, a claw for a hand. They stood slowly. A mirror of each other. Sam's head shook slowly. She couldn't believe her eyes.

"No…"

"Yes." The other Sam answered. Haughty with just a hint of cruel in her voice. "You can't fight it. You're stuck like this so why try?"

"No." Sam said again, still shocked at what she was seeing. "No, you're wrong. There's…no."

Cyborg Sam shrugged as she advanced, step after slow step. There was no rushing to her movements. She believed she'd won. "You're a Cadmus girl now, Sammy. They turned you into this, gave you power. Why on earth would you fight it? Look at me! This is all yours if you want it. Just go back and Lillian and Elijah will do you up right."

"No."

The thought of Lillian, and worse Elijah, chilled Sam's blood. Then it boiled it. Her anger giving her the right push to say something more than no.

"You're out of your mind if you think I would go back."

"You have no choice." Cyborg Sam stopped right in front of Sam. "And it's 'our' mind. Don't forget."

She reached up, toward Sam and Sam flinched. Her eyes shutting against whatever pain was about to come. Then she felt a light brushing on her shoulder. She opened her eyes to Cyborg Sam flicking dust or dirt or imaginary nothing off her shoulder.

"You can't fight this or stop it, Sammy." She said calmly, like they were talking about some sporting event or what their weekend plans were. "You're a Cadmus girl now."

"No." Sam spit out. Everything in her needed to contradict the…thing in front of her. "No. You're wrong. I'm not."

Sam pushed against the cyborg doppelganger in front of her. Her limbs wouldn't cooperate though, when Sam tried to turn and run again she fell. That fuzzy distorted feeling was back.

Cyborg Sam knelt behind her, hands resting on her knees and balancing on her toes. "Don't forget, Sammy. You're a Cadmus girl now. They're always with you and there's nothing you can do about it."

"Sam." Another familiar voice. Different than the last one? Sam couldn't tell. Between the fuzziness and her panic, there was no way she could focus enough to figure it out. "Sam, come on. Wake up."

Wake up? Sam looked at her cyborg-self in front of her. She smiled and shrugged again. "I'm done here. Might as well do what they want."

Cyborg Sam bounced up from her crouch. She tapped her temple and with a smile told Sam once more, "Don't forget."

Then everything was black. Sam could feel her body, something over her and restricting her. Hands on shoulders, one on her arm. Several voices. Beeping.

Her eyes just wouldn't open. Sam willed them too. She didn't want to be in the dark, but her eyes would cooperate, and her voice wouldn't tell them that she was trying to wake up.

Finally, _finally_ , her eyes fluttered open then blinked hard a few times. Her vision was blurry. Just as it had always been after the Cadmus operations. That sent Sam's heart stomping in her chest, she could hear the beeping from the monitor that kept track of it. The hands on her shoulders moved to her face. That second voice was talking. Someone was right in Sam's face. It all felt so far away though.

Then things started to clear. She could feel the hands past just a pressure cupping her cheeks. The voice sharpened. The face developed past a blur.

Alex.

"Sam, you're okay. Come on. You're at the hospital. I'm here, and so is Kara. Lucy is too. You're safe. I promise you're safe. Try and calm down. It's okay. You're safe. I got you. We got you."

Sam quickly pushed Alex's hands away and tried to shuffle back in the bed, get some distance as her panic magnified. She was aware of what Alex was saying but in her first few minutes of consciousness, it meant nothing. Words with no meaning. They didn't really register. Sam was in fight or fight again.

A streak of pain up her left arm and lancing into the base of her head stopped her. She gasped out and grabbed at her shoulder. Alex was quick to follow her movements.

"Slow down! You'll hurt yourself. Just lay back. It's okay. You're okay."

Sam's breathing was heavy as she tried to get through the pain. As it subsided, she looked around the room. Alex was right there. Not even a foot away from Sam, ready to help however she could. Kara hovered behind her. The need and want to help was written all over her but she hung back, giving Sam a modicum of space. Her eyes were wide and worried, and her hands fluttered in front of her, needing to help. Lucy stood the furthest back. Giving the sisters all the room she could while still being in the room. Her face was white. She looked sad.

"There we go." Alex all but cooed to Sam. "That's it. You're safe. It's us. I promise you're safe."

Kara edged closer to them, tiptoeing to see over Alex. "Hey Sam. It's okay."

She nodded shakily. The remnants of her dream played at the edges of her mind. Not a pleasant dream. Way too real for her liking. She swallowed and nodded again. Her eyes slipping closed.

Not a pleasant dream and not a pleasant way to wake up. Sam was reeling. But, now that she wasn't moving, she noticed her arm was mostly numb. It didn't hurt.

"Do you need anything?" Alex asked. Sam shook her head. "I'm gonna get you some water, okay? The nurse said you would be thirsty when you woke up. And," Alex dipped down to look behind Sam's ear, "you tore your stitches. Just…lay down and try not to move much, okay?"

Alex and Kara talked for a few seconds. Kara had to leave, some emergency in the city. Something about CatCo and a little boy and James. Sam again could only give partial focus. She felt a gentle press of lips on her forehead and then a little rush of wind.

"Lucy is still here. You won't be alone." Alex said, a hand resting on Sam's arm. "I'll be right back."

Sam didn't acknowledge her. Just laid there with her eyes still closed. She was still grappling with her dream, it was forcing its way to the front of her mind now. Now more playing at the edges.

For several moments, it was still in her room. Sam didn't move. She had no idea what Lucy was doing. For all she knew, Lucy left. Sam wouldn't blame her from the mess she had woken up as.

But then, Sam heard careful footsteps. "Are you awake?"

Sam forced her eyes open. They were still heavy from the anesthesia. Lucy was looking down at her, the same worry Kara had in her eyes. "Are you okay?"

Sam nodded. She wasn't willing to open up about her dream yet and her arm was still numb, no pain. So, yea. She was okay…ish.

"Are you lying to me?"

That made Sam smile. Just a little half one. A smile that she knew told Lucy she was caught in a lie. She wouldn't admit it in words though.

"No."

"Yes, you are. Don't give me any bullshit, Sam."

"Okay. I had a bad dream, my stitches hurt, and my arm is numb."

Lucy crowded close to Sam, gently tipping her ear forward. "You're bleeding."

She got a towel and dabbed softly at the spot of Sam's new incision. She tried not to cringe away with every press. It was tender. She wondered just how extensive getting the chip out was. The area Lucy was paying attention too was bigger than Sam knew her old scar to be.

"I'm, I'm glad you're here."

Lucy smiled without looking at Sam. At least Sam thought she could see a smile. The way Lucy was tending to her and the way Sam had to angle her head made it hard to be sure.

"I told you I would be."

"I know, but I'm, ya know, still happy about it."

"You're so awkward, Sam." Lucy laughed at her and usually that would send Sam off the edge but it wasn't malicious. It was nice. It felt nice. And, even in her drowsy state, Sam was surprised it felt nice.

"Yea, well…" She answered, only making it worse.

A nurse came in, Alex a step behind her saving Sam from whatever lame response was going to trail her articulate start. Lucy straightened up and smiled down at Sam, almost saying told you so. Then she moved to the side to let the nurse tend to Sam. She got re-stitched, given some water, and told to rest. They would come in to evaluate her in about an hour to see if she was ready to go home.

The whole time Alex worried around the nurse. She moved constantly and asked questions every chance she got. Almost like a mother. Sam wondered where her own mom was. For all her faults, Eliza Danvers was a caring mother. It was odd that she wasn't there. Sam brushed it off. It didn't matter. She had more important things to wonder about. Like what they found in her arm.

No one would mention it. She thought for sure it would be one of the first things Alex brought up. Then, maybe the nurse would. Sam resigned herself for having to wait for Dr. Mottershead but even when she came in to evaluate Sam for release, she said nothing.

They asked after Sam's pain level. Judged how well she could get up and stay on her feet. Made sure the light food they gave her was staying down and not making her sick. Once they deemed her fit for release, the nurse explained the prescriptions Sam was given. Mostly to manage pain. Sam barely listened. She wouldn't take them. She hated sedatives. Before her time with Cadmus she didn't like them. Now there was no way in hell she would take them.

When Dr. Mottershead and the nurse left, Sam asked, "What did she find?"

"Let's get you home first, okay?" Alex answered. "We can talk about it when you're home."

That didn't sound good. It didn't feel good and no matter what it sounded like, Sam knew to trust her gut. Alex deflecting scared her. What was so bad that Alex didn't want to talk about it? And what was so bad that Dr. Mottershead didn't mention anything that happened during the procedure?

But, Sam did as Alex wanted. She didn't ask again. She let Alex and Lucy get her out of the hospital and home. The most frivolous thought smacked Sam as they drove to her apartment.

She had _no idea_ what it looked like. No idea if she had dishes in the sink or clothes all over the floor or if it smelled weird because there were in fact dishes in the sink and clothes all over the floor and no one in there for however long she was with Cadmus. And, this would be Lucy's first time in her apartment. She couldn't let it be gross. That would be terrible.

But, Sam said nothing. There wasn't anything she could do about it any way. So, Sam worried and fretted and acted very un-Sam-like as they got closer then into the elevator and up. It must have been clear she was worried because Alex handed Lucy Sam's keys, told her the apartment number, and asked her to unlock the door. Then Alex leaned a little toward Sam and told her not to worry.

How Alex knew Sam had no idea. Because a messy apartment should have been the last thing on her mind. Sam had equally no idea why it was, but Alex was right. She didn't need to worry. When Alex, annoyingly, guided Sam into her apartment, not only was it clean, but it was…full.

Not of people. It wasn't a surprise of any kind. Not in a party sense but there was furniture that Sam definitely did not purchase, and it was decorated, and she was completely unpacked and some of her stuff from their home in Midvale was on shelves. It was rearranged too.

Her bed wasn't awkwardly in the middle of the apartment like Sam left it, not really caring when she put it there. A huge square of cube shelves separated her bed from her living room, giving her an almost wall. She hadn't bought that. Books and candles and old knick-knacks and some pictures filled the shelves. A couch and a coffee table she hadn't bought took up the area meant for a living room. Her kitchen looked much the same. A good number of plants were around the room. Thankfully no art on the walls. It was still Spartan-esque but now looked like someone lived there.

Sam looked around, a little shocked. Alex nudged her arm with a smirk, a smug you're welcome left unsaid. Sam just returned it with a look of her own, what the hell, why? Lucy was oblivious to it all.

"Nice place."

"Uh, thanks."

Alex set the groceries they had picked up on their way over on the kitchen island. "Are you guys good? I have to get back to the DEO. We have a situation."

"What's going on?"

"Don't worry about it, Sam." Alex responded, already on her way out the door. "I'll fill you in on everything later." She looked at Lucy, "You're good?"

Lucy nodded and at the first twitch of a nod, Alex was gone. Sam scoffed. All the lack of information and her bad dream and the pain from her incisions starting to work their way past her arm's numbness was getting to her. Sam wanted to lash out, kick something maybe. Really, she was too tired for that. She stood in the middle of her apartment instead, staring daggers at her door.

"Why don't you sit down while I put the groceries away?"

"You don't have to. I can do it."

"I want to, Sam. Just come sit down and keep me company."

Too tired to argue, Sam followed Lucy to the kitchen. She sat heavily on a stool while Lucy started taking things out of the bags. It was mesmerizing. Sam was almost in a trance watching Lucy take things out, put them on the counter, repeat. Tiredness pushed in on her from all sides.

"You okay?"

Sam blinked away from Lucy's hands up to her face. "Please don't ask me that every two seconds."

"Don't do things that make me ask you that every 'two seconds' then." Lucy fired back. "Now, would you please answer my question?"

"I'm tired."

"Go lay down then. I'll finish this up on my own."

Sam shook her head. "Nah. I'm fine."

"You just said you were tired, Sam. If you're tired go rest. You need it."

"I just said I was fine too." Sam snapped back.

"Don't take this out on me." Lucy stopped what she was doing, giving Sam her total attention. "I'm here to help you and you don't get to be an ass about it."

Sam sighed, too tired to put up any more of a fight. She put her good elbow on the kitchen island and leaned into it to rub at her eyes. There was nothing she wanted more than to go lay down and rest. But, there was also nothing she wanted more than to never have that stupid dream again. No dream beat out rest for her.

"Why don't you want to get some rest?"

"Because I don't."

"Nope. Not a real answer. We're not doing this closed off thing. I let you before because I didn't want to force you into anything but now, it's different. I _will not_ let you take shitty care of yourself because you have too much pride to talk to anyone. Now, would you please answer my question?"

Lucy's repetition was annoying. Her demands were annoying. But a much bigger part of Sam didn't want to do this alone anymore. Her fucked up tendencies be damned, she was tired. All of her was tired.

She looked at Lucy. Long and hard. So much of Sam wanted to talk. Just say it. Let it out. Sam wasn't Sam anymore and she didn't know what that meant. But, nothing would come out. Sam sighed and looked away, disappointed in herself.

"Nothing. It doesn't matter." Sam stood up, a little wobbly on her feet. "I'll go lay down."

"Sam, no. Wait." Lucy's voice lost all authority. It was sad and a little pleading. Sam kept walking. She heard Lucy sigh heavy then, "Give me like five minutes then I'll be in."

There was no response to that. Sam sat on her bed, the far side of it, and leaned over until she fell onto her right side. The impact with the bed jostled her arm and neck, she winced a little but otherwise didn't react. She stayed like that, feet over the edge of the bed and her torso and head laying down. It wasn't comfortable, but she didn't care to move.

Less than five minutes later, Lucy joined Sam. She lifted Sam's feet up onto the bed then laid next to her on the other side of the bed. Sam kept her back to Lucy. Lucy began talking right away.

"I didn't know where everything went so some things might be out of place."

She waited to give Sam time to respond. She didn't.

"Alex texted and said she thinks she'll be off by seven tonight. Whatever happened is wrapping up without much help from the DEO."

Nothing.

"She said Maggie might stop over if you're up for it."

Nothing.

"Do you want her to?"

Nothing.

"Sam?"

"She can if she wants."

"Okay. I'll let her know. Are you hungry?"

"No."

"Thirsty?"

"No."

"Do you want to talk?"

"About what?"

"Anything you want."

Sam wasn't sure what she wanted. Not silence but the thought of talking was tiring. She definitely didn't want to go to sleep. That dream…no, she didn't want that.

"I don't know."

She felt Lucy turn over. Sam dropped slowly to her back. She wouldn't be able to turn all the way toward Lucy. She just wanted to be closer to her, to anyone really.

"I'm worried about you, Sam."

Nothing.

"You're kinda all over the place. Which, isn't that different than before I guess but I'm still worried. I want to help."

"I want you to too."

"Then you have to talk to me. Even when it's hard. Especially when it's hard, actually. I can't help if you shut me out. And, you can't shut Alex or Kara or Maggie out either. You need your people, and not because of you but because of what happened to you. No one can recover on their own from something like that."

Again, like in the kitchen, Sam was hit with an intense desire to say…something. Anything. Just get it all out there and let Lucy help her. Nothing would come out.

"I, it's not…I can–" Sam shut her mouth. "I don't really know what you want me to say."

"Whatever you want. There isn't some script to follow that will make it all better right now." Lucy moved a hand up and slipped it between her cheek and Sam's pillow. "We don't even have to talk about it now. I would like to talk about something, anything. I'm not really good at being quiet."

Sam chuckled at that. Opting to follow Lucy's conversation redirect. "I had no idea."

"Do you want to have that talk now? It's fine if you don't." Lucy rushed to assure Sam. "You're tired and just got out of surgery but we can. If you want."

Sam shrugged awkwardly on the bed. "We can."

At least she thought they could. Everything felt a little duller than before. Not that her feelings for Lucy weren't there. Everything had just lost its edge. Not to mention, the words were escaping her moments before. She hoped it wouldn't be the same as she tried to have this conversation.

"I'll start, okay? Just…just jump in whenever. It's not like we have to take turns or anything. We'll just get it all out there. Okay?"

"Yea."

"Okay."

"I still want to try this. You and me, I mean. I thought about what it would be like when we got you back while Cadmus had you and it made me nervous but actually getting you back was such a relief. I don't know why I was worried. Things haven't changed for me, at least not in a bad way."

"How did they change then?"

Lucy shrugged her shoulders close to her chin. "I think I care more."

Sam wasn't sure how to respond to that. It wasn't like she had much time to gauge her feelings while she was gone. There was the pure and simple happiness at seeing Lucy when they first got her out. The nervousness in talking to her about this. Sam always thought that nerves meant something was important. That need before surgery to talk to Lucy about them because of the comfort she found in her. But was that because of what happened? Or, was it real?

"It's okay if you don't feel the same."

"No! I–" Sam winched after snapping her head to the side to look at Lucy. The woman beside her was quick to push herself up and try to help. Not that there was anything she could do. "It's—I'm fine."

"Be careful, please."

Sam nodded slowly. "It's not that I don't feel the same. That's not what I was going to say. I do, but I just…I don't know."

"Do you not want to try?"

"I do."

"Then, what's up? Something is."

Sam fell silent again. There were too many unanswered questions of her own to find an answer to Lucy's. So, she said as much.

"I don't know. There's so much I don't know, and no one will tell me."

"Alex will. That's why she's coming over tonight. She's going to tell you everything they found and what they know. I don't really know much either."

"It's annoying."

"I know. I'm sorry. But, you know what's not?"

Sam tipped her head to the side to look at Lucy. "What?"

"We both agreed that we have feelings for each other." Sam smiled. "Now, we just have to decide what that actually means. Any ideas?"

"I'd like to take you on a date. If I remember correctly, it's my turn."

"It is." Lucy nodded. "Where are you going to take me?"

"Probably somewhere I only need one arm." Sam nodded toward her left arm in a sling. She was pleasantly surprised it hadn't been twitching or flexing or moving since she woke up in the hospital.

The comment made Lucy uncomfortable. Sam watched her try to come up with a response. She smiled wider. "Relax, it was a joke."

"Seriously?"

"Yea," Sam said with a chuckle. "Don't worry."

They talked quietly until Sam fell asleep. She fought it, hard, but her body was just too tired from everything that was happening. Cadmus, being saved, surgery, dreams. All of it. Lucy probably made it easier. Sam felt comfortable with her. The walls she had fortified with Cadmus were being knocked back down to normal thanks to her.

Sam started to dream. Same hall. Sam fear in her chest and burning lungs from running. The difference is that Sam didn't have any anesthesia in her system. She woke with a start much faster than she had before. Her breathing was heavy, and the erratic movement jarred her shoulder and neck.

It was dark in her apartment. Well, mostly. A lamp was shone on the other side of her new shelf wall. Through the hallow shelves she could see Lucy on the couch, laptop in front of her. She was reading a file.

No long, concrete hallway. No one chasing Sam. She wasn't by herself, in a good way. She was home. There was no need to panic. Slowly, and with a lot of effort, Sam calmed her breathing down. Once it was normal, she went out and sat next to Lucy on the couch. Lucy tried to say something, but Sam shook her head and laid down. She just didn't want to be even remotely alone, and she didn't want to admit it.


	114. Chapter 114

**A/N: No editing again. Sorry! As for requests for more sister time, because of where we are in the storyline (this chapter covers City of Lost Children (Rhea makes her move and reveals who she is to Lena and Daxamites prepare to make their move) there won't be much right now. Soon. Thanks for reading.**

The next time Sam woke up it was from a blissful dreamless sleep. Still fitful but only because of her inability to get comfortable from the two small surgeries. Lucy was in her same spot on the couch. Alex was knelling next to Sam, a hand on her arm. The one responsible for waking her up. Maggie sat on the edge of the coffee table. She smiled wide and dimply when their eyes met.

"Hi Baby Danvers!"

"Hey Maggie." Sam answered, groggy. She pushed herself up to a sitting position. Alex slid into the spot she opened up. "What time is it?"

"A little after seven." Maggie answered. She tossed a thumb in Alex's direction. "Your sister broke at least four traffic laws on the way over here. She's lucky she's dating a cop."

"Shut up." Alex shot back, making a face at Maggie. "I wasn't sure if Lucy had anywhere she needed to be. I didn't want to hold her up."

"Oh no. I told you earlier that I was fine here. Don't try to blame this on me!"

"You worry, Alex. We all know." Sam said as she laid back against the couch. "You don't need to make excuses."

"Yea, well…whatever."

Maggie and Lucy laughed, Sam smiled with an eye roll at her sister. Big bad Alex never liked when people knew that she was more than big bad Alex. Although, that was softening the more Alex was with Maggie. Alex in general was softening. And, in a good way. Less agent and more human.

"How're you feeling?"

Lucy answered Maggie before Sam could. "She doesn't like that question. She's gonna get grumpy and say she's fine. But, she hasn't eaten since the hospital and she was grumbling in her sleep."

Sam turned to Lucy. Shocked and just a little betrayed. "Traitor."

"You haven't eaten? Why not?" Alex shot up from the couch. "You need to eat, Sam. Your body needs help."

"With what?"

Alex stopped. She turned to Sam. The look on her face wasn't comforting. Sam wondered what it could be. Was she dying? Was she slowly slipping under Cadmus control?

"I'll explain everything when Kara gets here. She's on her way."

"Alex, come on!" Sam tried to rein in her temper, but this was getting ridiculous. All day Alex had been saying she'll explain but later. She'll explain when they got Sam home. She'll explain after work. Now it was pushed until Kara got there. That Kryptonian had better be using her super speed. "Tell me already."

"Wait for Kara, okay? That way I only have to explain it once. We'll all be here and maybe we can figure something out. So, just wait a little longer."

"Everyone won't be here."

"What?"

Sam had mumbled it. She was surprised Alex caught it at all on the other side of her apartment. She spoke up, not willing to back down from her complaint. "Everyone won't be here."

"What do you mean? There's a…situation going on right now. James, Winn, and J'onn are covering for us so we can do this."

"No, that's…What's going on?" Sam shook her head. "I meant, where's Mom?"

Alex sighed. She sagged a little. Without coming out of the kitchen, she moved a little closer to Sam. "She wanted to be here. Really, Sam, she did but I asked her not to come."

"Why?"

"Wait for Kara, okay? I swear I'll explain everything and it'll make sense."

Sam didn't answer. She was sore and hungry and still tired and getting grumpy. Kara's whereabouts were at the front of her mind, but Sam didn't ask. Instead, she pouted and contented herself with staring at nothing in particular in front of her.

Alex busied herself in the kitchen. Lucy continued to work. Maggie sat in front of Sam for several minutes but eventually got up without bugging her. She went to help Alex in the kitchen.

No Kara. The minutes ticked by. A bowl of butter noodles and some bread were given to Sam. Alex all but stood over her to make sure she ate it. And, she did. Not all of it; Sam was surprised how fast she got full, but she ate enough to satisfy Alex.

As Sam moved forward to set her bowl down, not that she got far, Alex snatched it out of her hand as soon as her arm stretched out to put it on the table, she asked, "Where is she?"

Maggie, typing away on her phone, looked up. "ETA less than a minute."

"Did you tell her not to come right away?"

"I texted her when Lucy said you haven't eaten. I wanted to be sure you got something in your system before we talked."

"Alex, what the _fuck_? You can't…" Sam huffed. She didn't understand, and her lack of understanding was making her mad.

Before she could rant on, Alex jumped in, "I don't know how you're going to take this. Sue me for wanting to make sure you ate before dropping a bomb on you."

"She has a point." Lucy added. Sam turned to her, trying her hardest to keep on biting her tongue. Everything in Sam wanted to explode. She opted for clenching her jaw to the point of feeling sore from the pressure.

Maggie grimaced a smile to Sam. She understood. Sam could tell she did. Maggie always did anyway so it wasn't hard to know in that moment. That helped a little. Sam used it to remind herself that Maggie was on her side, like always. Lucy was on her side. Even Alex in her crazed mother hen way, was on Sam's side. Everyone was. They weren't doing this as some kind of attack. She needed to calm down and be patient.

Patience wasn't needed for long. Just like Maggie said, less than a minute later, there was a knock on Sam's door. Kara didn't wait for it to be answered. She pushed it open and peered around it. "Hey." She said to everyone then zeroed in on Sam, "Hey, how're you–"

"Don't." Maggie said with a hand up. "She doesn't like that question right now. I learned the hard way." Maggie turned to Sam then back to Kara, "Sam wants answers and we've made her wait long enough. Get in here and let's get to it."

"Okay, yea. Right. So, what do we know?" Kara closed the door and stood with the group in Sam's living room. Her arms were crossed over her chest. She looked serious, all business. She was restless and fidgety.

"Nothing. Absolutely fucking nothing." Sam replied even though the question was directed at Alex.

"Where do you want me to start?"

An interesting question. Where would be the best place? Obviously, her arm. But, wouldn't it be more logical to start with the moment Sam went with Cadmus. She had no idea what was going on with her sisters or the city. In any other family, it would be irrelevant, but with one sister being a superhero and the other a secret federal agent, of the same agency Sam was a part of, it was a little more pertinent.

But was it pertinent to stall whatever information had Alex so worried? Sam felt like it was. So much could have happened. Her dad, her job, the city, her friends. Besides, whatever situation was going on had both Alex and Kara tense. Sam could see it even though they were trying to hide it.

"The beginning. I wanna know everything that happened while I was gone."

"Not your arm?"

"We'll get to it. Now hurry up. I can tell you don't want to be here with whatever is happening out there."

Alex and Kara shared a look. Either surprised Sam saw through their cover or surprised their cover wasn't very good. It didn't matter.

"The Daxamites are here."

"What? Weren't they–"

"No. Stop." Kara interrupted Sam's question. "You want answers and we want to get back out there. Let us get through this. We don't have a lot of time right now."

The urgency in Kara's voice was crystal clear. She almost seemed scared. Sam respected it and nodded to show her compliance.

"The Daxamites aren't extinct. They're here and they want Mon-El. He's a…he's the prince. We didn't know, now we do. It doesn't really matter."

It seemed like it mattered to Kara. Sam kept her mouth shut though. They were on the clock.

"Rhea, Mon-El's mom and the queen, tried to have me killed. When we went to talk to her, she tried to kill me herself. Mon-El agreed to leave if they stopped attacking me because he's an idiot. The president told us to let him go. I wouldn't. J'onn helped me and, after all that, Mon-El's dad said he could stay. Rhea killed him and is a psycho."

"Breathe Kara." Maggie stepped in.

"I know. I know, it's fine. Oh, and I quit CatCo."

" _What!?_ "

"Right?" Lucy said from beside Sam.

"Not important." Kara bulldozed. "I got my job back. Lena had some issues with nanobots. I helped. Winn is trying to get Lyra to help out with Guardian. It isn't going well.

"Alex got abducted."

"Okay, no. Stop. What happened to Alex?" Sam was not going to let this get swept under the wave of information she was getting.

Kara tried to keep them moving but Alex stopped her. "Remember that kid I went to school with, Rick Malverne? he had a little brother about your age. They were always around in the summer."

"Yea, what about him?"

"He abducted me to get to Kara and get his dad released from jail."

"What…?" Sam was so confused. Rick had been a nice guy. Lucas, his brother, had been one of her first friends. They hadn't stayed close to the Malvernes but still, they had been at one point.

"He figured out Kara's identity and used it to get to me. He wanted his dad freed. Kara and Maggie saved me before anything happened. I'm fine. Rick is in jail and so is his dad. It's all okay."

No questions would surface but Sam felt like she had so many. This was a lot of information. Maybe she should have just gone with being told about her arm.

"Can we move on now?" Kara asked impatiently. Alex gestured that she had the floor back. "Thank you. That pretty much gets us to today."

"What happened today?"

"A freak accident with some Phorian aliens. James helped. We found out it was caused by Rhea and Lena, they–"

"Lena is helping the Daxamites?"

"She didn't know. She does now but Rhea took her and Mon-El back to their mothership. All the other Daxamite ships look to be preparing an attack on the city."

"Why in the fucking hell are you here then?"

Sam shot up, not sure what she was going to do but needing to move. It caused her a good amount of pain. Maggie was up to steady her and Lucy voiced her disproval from the couch.

"We need to deal with your situation just as much as that one."

"I will be here _after_ you deal with the Daxamites."

"We don't actually know that." Alex broke gently. "There's a lot we don't know about your situation."

That hit Sam like a punch to the gut. She looked at her sisters, then Maggie. They all looked right back. No answers provided. She sat back down on the couch.

"That's why Mom isn't here. I asked her to study the sample Dr. Mottershead gathered. It's unlike anything I've seen and, well, you know what we have to deal with here. I can't study it like I need to in order to understand it, so I sent it to Mom."

"What is it?"

Kara shrugged and looked to Alex. "It's some sort of bio-tech. It's not so much alive as it is organic. It's growing."

Not good. If Sam knew anything about things being implanted in a body, something organic was among the worst. She was lucky her body wasn't rejecting it and killing itself to purge.

"After we deal with the Daxamites, Winn and I will study it closer, but I needed someone to see what they could find out now. The only person I trusted was Mom. I need her to figure out what she can to help you now."

Kara stepped back into the conversation. "That's why Eliza isn't here and it's why you aren't staying."

"What? No. I'm not leaving."

"You are. Lucy agreed to take you to Midvale. Alex and I will be there as soon as we deal with this mess."

"Let me help." It wasn't an offer so much as a demand. There was no way Sam was going to run away from this fight. It was her job not to.

"You can't, Sam." Kara's shoulders slumped. "You said yourself that you can't really use your left arm and, not to mention, you just got out of surgery this morning. Physically, you just can't."

"I-I don't have to help physically. I can…" Sam thought fast. So she couldn't be on the front lines, it didn't matter. She could still help. Somehow. "Put me with Winn. I can still help."

"No. Sam, you can't." Alex stepped forward and put a hand on Sam's good shoulder. "And, that's okay."

"The city is under attack." Sam swatted Alex's hand off her and stepped away. "It is not okay, and I am not leaving. Last I checked, hostile alien invasion was an all hands on deck situation. I can still help."

"No. You. _Can't_!" Alex raised her voice. It wasn't often that she did. The room went dead still. All eyes were on her as she stared daggers at Sam. "You are hurt. We don't understand it. I _will not_ put you in any more danger."

"Alex." Kara tried, hands coming up to physically make Alex take a step back. Their big sister wasn't having it though. She rounded on Kara.

"No." She turned back to Sam. "This is bigger than some bump or bruise, Sam. You are going to Midvale."

With that Alex stomped out of Sam's apartment. The door rattled in its frame after she slammed it. Sam's whole apartment seemed to rattle.

Maggie stood quickly, eyes on the door. She looked at Kara. They shared a look like they knew it was going to end like that. Maggie sighed and looked at Sam.

"Maybe not the best delivery, but she's right. You should go, Sam." Maggie shrugged. "Sorry."

She left then. That left Kara, Lucy, and Sam. Lucy was watching and judging the feel of the room. Kara was struggling with her thoughts and feelings and her need to get back to the city. Sam was fuming. How dare Alex yell at her for wanting to help? It only made her want to stay even more.

"Sam," Kara started, "She's right. I know it's not what you want to hear, especially like that but she's right."

"Don't."

"No, listen to me. Just listen for a minute." Kara closed the distance between them. She didn't touch Sam, no matter that she wanted to. Her blue eyes were pleading but steel at the same time.

Kara was resolved to get Sam to listen. She was resolved to save her city and get her friends back. There would be no arguing with her. Not in Sam's state anyway. Which is probably why they want her to leave…

"We know nothing about what Cadmus did to you. We don't know what its doing, what its purpose is, if its hurting you. Nothing. I can't go out and save a city if I don't know if you'll be alive when I'm done."

All good points. And, it wasn't like Sam could actually help. No matter what she said, she knew she couldn't. She was getting light headed from their argument. There was no way in hell she would be able to contribute to a battle for National City.

Not that she admitted to it. Sam stayed quiet. Her only concession was the way her eyes drifted from Kara. And, damn Kara for knowing that was what it was. She took both of Sam's hands, gently gripping her left hand sticking out of her sling.

"We will be there as soon as we can."

"You better go." Sam deflected. "The city needs Supergirl."

Kara didn't move right away. She held on to Sam and tried to make eye contact. Sam avoided it. This was all getting to be a little much. Hurt. Weak. Useless. A burden. It made Sam feel small. A helpless little girl.

"I love you, Sam." Kara started to let go, moving slower than Sam thought for a city-wide emergency.

Sam almost didn't say anything back. She had already closed herself off, but…city-wide emergency. There was no way she could not say it back. This wasn't some local nuisance Kara was going to take care of. She was taking on the last of a super-being race of aliens.

She reached out and caught Kara's wrist. The words didn't tumble out or rush out. Sam had to shove them out. "I love you too. Be careful, like really careful."

Kara smiled and put her hand on top of Sam's. She nodded before taking off. Watching her sister go filled Sam with more anxiety and fear than she thought she had left. Hand-shaking panic took over. Sam whirled around, her head darting around as she looked for her phone. Lucy noticed the shift immediately.

"What's wrong?"

"Where's my phone?"

"You don't have one right now."

Right. Because she had been a captive for the past several weeks. But she needed one. Sam _had_ to talk to Alex. It felt like she would implode if she didn't.

"Give me your phone. Please."

Lucy turned and grabbed it off the couch arm. Sam appreciated her own sense of urgency but couldn't articulate it at the moment. Talk to Alex. Talk to Alex. Have to talk to Alex. It was all she could think of beyond the images of Daxamite ships taking over the city.

"Go to recent; she was my last call."

Sam nodded. Her fingers moved mechanically. She walked away from Lucy as the call out rang in her ear. Come on, come on, come on. It wouldn't be unheard of for Alex to ignore the call. Her big sister could be petty if the mood struck her.

Right as Sam was sure her call would be going to voicemail, Alex answered. _"I can't really talk right now, Lucy. Is everything okay?"_

"It's Sam."

 _"Oh."_

"Yea, and listen, you can't talk long. I know. Just…be careful and keep Maggie safe."

 _"I will."_ Her curtness wasn't malicious. It was more the lack of sentimental skills on both their parts. Especially after fighting.

"I'll go to Mom's."

 _"Good. I mean, that's a good decision."_ There was a pause. Sam thought it would be easier to get it out after saying I love you to Kara. This was her sister for god's sake. It shouldn't be that hard. Normally it wasn't. Before Cadmus it wasn't. Not that Sam said it often but still.

 _"I have to go, Sam."_

"Okay." Pause. "Love you."

 _"I know you do. I love you too, so much, Sammy."_

That was too much. Too sappy, too deep, too personal. Sam hung up without saying anything else. Her panic was gone but she was still scared. It was like they went from the frying pan to the fire. No breaks. No mercy. All fight. They were always fighting.

Sam sat on the end of her bed. Lucy's phone was barely in her grasp. She was so damn tired. Her life, in that moment, was so damn tiring.

Lucy leaned on her shelves. "We should pack up and go."

Sam looked at her without answering. Then back down at the floor between her feet. She held Lucy's phone out to her. When Lucy took it from her, she crouched down next to Sam, using her knee to steady herself.

"Let's pack a bag and go, come on. You can get some sleep in the car." Sam nodded. She let Lucy pull her up.

Lucy tossed a bag onto Sam's bed, already packed. She hadn't noticed it before. She explained that Alex had packed it for her after Lucy agreed to go to Midvale with Sam. It wasn't an overnight bag. That made Sam wonder how long she was expected to stay in Midvale.

Packing was slow going. Mostly it was asking Sam what she needed, where those things were. Sam's focus was sporadic at best, nonexistent at worst. Her mind was filled with so many different things. Once it was done, Lucy ushered them out and to her car.

The streets were eerily empty as they left. In truth, it was because of the late hour. That fact didn't stop Sam from feeling like it was the calm before the storm, the quiet before battle.

They drove in silence. Sam was in and out of sleep. Her eyes fluttering open then dropping shut every few minutes. Lucy kept the radio down to a pleasant quiet murmur of music. The car was warm. The sound of the tires on the pavement filled any space left.

It was the safest Sam had felt since Alex and Kara, and her dad, saved her from Cadmus. Alex and Kara were out there protecting her. Lucy was watching over her. The car had always felt safe to Sam. In her half-asleep state, she could ignore her thoughts on the reality of her situation and just feel. No matter that her safe feeling wasn't necessarily real.


	115. Chapter 115

**A/N: 'Resist'. No edit. Sorry, going for speed in accumulating chapters. Happy new year!**

Midvale wasn't too far. A couple hours. Sam slept through most of it. She had been vaguely aware of passing highway lights, Lucy singing softly, the hum of the car and the road beneath them. It was like a lullaby. An added bonus: no dreams.

The last stretch of the trip was blissfully blank for Sam. She was out. Not even the stopping of the car woke her. Lucy did with a hand on her knee and a soft call of her name.

Sam opened her eyes to a painfully familiar view. Brick chimney, gray roof, white house. Dumb blue trim. Ocean behind it all to give the house a breath-taking view. Home never changed. No matter who was in it or what was happening to her family, their house was always the same. Sam had never found comfort in that.

Her mom must have seen them pull into the drive way. She was walking across the lawn, just like she always did whenever they had company. She always liked to greet their guests.

"Ready?"

Sam rolled her eyes then looked at Lucy, an armored smile on her face. "Even if I'm not, she will pull me from this car."

They got out of the car. It was chillier than in National City. No buildings were blocking the breeze off the ocean. Sam shivered then winced as it jarred her sore surgery spots. Her mom noticed.

"Let's get you inside, Sweetie."

That was the extent of her nagging worry. Usually it smothers Sam. It's borderline condescending, it is always controlling, and it is always a guilt trip. Not right then. It was everything Sam loved about her mom and always focused on when those other things got to her.

She led Sam into the house as she talked over her shoulder to Lucy. A warm welcome and an apologetic introduction. It was the Eliza Danvers of old. Warm was never a word Sam would use to explain her mother, but she was caring, and she was kind. Lately, their dynamic had changed to combative. This didn't feel like that.

"What time is it?" Sam asked as her mom ushered her into her old room. Lucy followed, a touch unsure, with Sam's bag. If she had been fully awake, Sam might have felt bad about it.

"Late." Her mom answered. "You need to get some rest and we'll talk in the morning." When they got to the bed, her mom turned around to Lucy, "Now, I'm not so old fashioned to the point that I'm against the two of you sharing a room–"

"Mom." Sam interrupted. A little embarrassed but also so confused where this was coming from.

"Calm down, Samantha. It's fine. Kara told me, now back to what I was saying. I would not mind you staying in here, Lucy. With what's going on, I would actually prefer it but Samantha's room doesn't accommodate more than one person."

"That's okay."

Sam was so caught up that she didn't follow the natural path of the conversation. "What do you mean 'Kara told you'? What did Kara tell you?"

Her mom sighed, turning back to Sam. "That's not exactly important right now, dear."

"So?"

"She told me that you and Lucy are dating."

Sam spluttered. "Uh…that's, um. No. Well, not no. But it's…"

Lucy laughed. "What she's trying to say Mrs. Danvers is that we aren't quite to that point yet."

"Oh." Her mom turned to Lucy then back to Sam. She was smiling at Sam's reaction now. "I'm sorry. Just from what Kara told me, I guess she did say that you two were basically dating."

"No ma'am." Lucy continued. "At least not yet. Sam has to get better before we can go on any dates."

"What the hell?" Sam leaned to the side to see Lucy on the other side of her mom. She was not a fan of her being so candid with her mom. It was making her naturally-closed -off-self uncomfortable.

Both women in front of her chuckled. Her mom responded first, "Calm down, Samantha. It's not a big deal. Actually, I kind of enjoy someone being so _open_ with me." She turned to Lucy. "And please, call me Eliza."

"Okay." Lucy nodded. She walked Sam's bag to the end of her bed and set it down. "Where am I sleeping if not in here?"

"In Alex's room." Her mom held an arm out to show Lucy the way. Sam couldn't stop herself from saying something.

"Uh…" Both women stopped for whatever she was going to stay. "Do you, um…can– Is there any way…um…" Sam sighed. She needed to suck it up. Lucy said if or when, mostly if, Sam wanted help then she needed to ask for it. Sam wanted it. She had to ask. "Mom, do we still have the air mattress? I'll sleep on it. I just, I don't want to be alone. At night."

Lucy's eyebrows went up, impressed, but she smiled. Her mom on the other hand looked at Sam like she was crazy. She stumbled a little over her answer of yes, of course they still had it; she'd go get it. Lucy and Sam watched her go.

"Can't say I was expecting that." Lucy turned back to Sam.

Sam shrugged. It didn't seem a big enough deal to dwell on. At least, that's what she decided to tell herself. Sam knew it was a complete 180 from how she normally was.

"Can't say I'm mad about it either. Kinda the opposite."

"I just don't want to sleep alone, okay? Can we not make a big deal out of it?"

"Yea." Lucy was quick to answer. Her tone and demeanor changed. "I'm sorry. I thought joking about it would…ya know? Nevermind. I'll drop it."

"Thank you." Sam said quietly.

"One last thing!" Sam wanted to be annoyed. Really she did. A good natured eye roll was as far as she got with it though. "Thank you for asking for help. I'm really happy you did."

"Yea." Sam mumbled.

She wasn't exactly thrilled with how asking for help felt. Nothing about it felt right. It was weak and made her feel stupid and like a quitter. Later though, when Sam would be alone in the dark with her dreams, she would be grateful that she swallowed her stupid pride.

Maybe she wouldn't dream. Or, more specifically, she wouldn't have the same running dream. Between her utter exhaustion and the meds Lucy was going to make her take, Sam was sure she would dream about something. Her worry over her sisters, friends, and city almost guaranteed it. She wondered what was happening in National City. Where were Alex, Kara, and Maggie? How were Mon-El and Lena holding up on that ship? What was J'onn's plan? There were so many questions that had no immediate answers. Sam would have to be patient. Not her strongest trait.

Soon, her mom came back in with their old air mattress. Lucy helped her set it up. Sam would have offered but being a one-armed wonder left her without the ability to actually do anything. She was also fading fast. Her back was tight. Her shoulder blades ached. The bruises and cuts scattered across her skin beat along with her heart. Her stitches pulled and smarted with each move. Fading wasn't the best word; crashing, maybe derailing were better.

"Samantha," her mom must have been watching her decline. Sam looked up to find soul-crushing concern. "Why don't you lie back, sweetie? We'll be done soon and then you can go to sleep."

"I can sleep down–" Lucy started. Sam's mom put a hand on her arm and shook her head, saving Sam from declining Lucy's offer.

She was fine. Fine enough to sleep on an old air mattress at least. There was no way she was going to let Lucy sleep on it. Sam remembered from the last time she had to that the thing was terrible.

"We'll be done soon." Her mom said again.

So, Sam did lie back. The conversant comfort of her childhood bed engulfed her. A mold to her body that could only be achieved from a childhood spent sleeping the same way. Her pillows were just on the right side of pliant. It smelled like home. She was comfortable. That feeling of safety from the car settled over her again. It put her asleep faster than anything could.

Vaguely, she heard Lucy excuse herself to the bathroom to get ready for bed. Sam didn't move. Her bed felt too nice. The bed dipped down next to her. She felt someone, her mom, brush a few of her fly-away hairs away from her face.

"Are you awake?"

Sam's voice was steeped with sleep as she answered, "Kinda."

"I know a million people have probably asked you a million times but indulge your mother: how are you feeling?"

"I'm really tired. And, uh, " Sam tried to clear her throat to get rid of her sleepy voice, "I'm pretty sore."

"What about your arm, sweetie?"

"Just surgery sore. Nothing big."

"Nothing big?" Her mom smiled at the downplay. "Samantha, sweetie. I know deflection and depreciation are your forte but please don't. I need you to be honest with me, so we can figure this out."

"Okay, Mom."

"We'll start testing in the morning," explained her mom. "Alex wants us to get started as soon as possible and I have to agree; the sooner we know more the better. Are you okay with that?"

Sam nodded. It didn't really matter if she disagreed, not that she did. They needed to know more. Alex said they basically knew nothing. Okay or not, like her mom said, the sooner they knew the better. Cadmus and the unknown were a combination made in hell.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"I'll see you in the morning. Get some rest, sweetie." Her mom stood, leaning down to smooth back Sam's hair again then press a kiss to her head.

She was dealing with it better than Alex or Kara, both combined actually. Sam could see the worry and stress and fear in her mom though. It was just barely kept from the surface. That was one of the things her mom and Sam had in common. It was easy for them to hide things. The more serious things were harder, the cover up was sloppy. For them both.


	116. Chapter 116

**A/N: still no edit.**

Sam woke with a start. She didn't try to sit up, she knew that would only cause her pain. Her eyes darted around the room. It wasn't her apartment and that made her panic a little. As she forced her breathing into a normal pattern, a lamp snapped on.

"Sam?"

Lucy crawled off the air mattress in the middle of the room and knelt on the floor next to Sam's bed. Midvale. Mom. Tests. Sam reached up to rub her eyes as the evening came back to her.

"I'm okay," she mumbled out before the question could come.

"Bad dream?" Sam nodded. Same damn dream. She had been so sure it would be different. "Anything I can do?"

That answer was a head shake. Then, Sam realized where she was. On the bed. Where she distinctly did not want to be. Because she didn't want to make Lucy sleep on the air mattress. She must have fallen asleep while Lucy was getting ready for bed and Lucy hadn't woken her up to trade places. Sam wasn't surprised that Lucy left her, but she was annoyed that Lucy, the guest, was sleeping on an air mattress. A shitty, old air mattress.

"Why didn't you wake me up?"

"For what?" Lucy asked, genuinely confused as to what Sam was talking about.

"So, we could switch. I said I'd sleep on that thing."

Lucy tilted her head with a smile. "Sam, I was not going to wake you up from your much needed sleep so we could switch where we're sleeping. I'm fine."

"But that thing sucks."

"Another reason you shouldn't sleep on it." It was said bright and cheery and like the most obvious thing in the world. Sam grumbled and narrowed her eyes at Lucy. "Oh, re _lax_ , Sam." Lucy reached across the bed for Sam's hand. "I'm more than comfortable. And besides, I would sleep on the floor if you needed me to."

"I would never ask you to do that."

"I know, and I appreciate it." Lucy smiled brightly. "Now, about that dream?"

"Same one."

"Care to elaborate on it since it keeps coming back? I'd like to know what's got you so rattled."

"I'm not rattled." Sam quickly snapped back.

"Okay! Alright…my bad. Wrong choice of words."

Sam didn't apologize. She didn't say anything at all. The words pushed against her teeth, wanting out, but Sam wanted them to stay in. There wouldn't be another admittance of weakness. She hated the feeling of people seeing her as less.

"Don't keep me out." Nothing. "Sam."

Lucy's comment hit Sam wrong. No matter that she said it with care and a desire to help. There was no getting over the words. Just one: rattled.

It was true. That's why it bugged her so much. Sam was _rattled_. Never in her life had she handled that well.

"Fine," Lucy finally said after waiting a few tense moments for Sam to answer her. "If you want to deal this with on your own, be my guest. I'm not going to fight you on it in the middle of the night. You're a big girl and you know where I am if you want to get your head out of your ass."

Sam eyebrows crashed together. She scoffed. "You don't even know what you're talking about."

Lucy had started to go back to the air mattress but stopped, turned to face Sam head on. "I don't. Because _you won't talk to me_. But, I'm serious; I'm not fighting with you tonight. Good night."

True to her word, Lucy did not talk any more. For awhile the silence in the room was loaded. Two angry women stuck in the same room. Eventually, Lucy fell asleep. Sam could hear it in the way her movements in her bed dwindled and slowed, in the way her breathing got fainter.

A respite from her angry didn't come for Sam. Not that she wanted it; at least, not in the form of sleep. Sleep meant she would dream again.

Sam laid awake, listening to her childhood home. The creaks and shifts were all the same. Just as quiet as she remembered. Many would think that a family of five would make for an active household but not for the Danvers. Very briefly were they a full family of five. Just one year. Then it was four. A couple years after that three. Then Sam became a family of one, shipped off to Howe and she had stayed a family of one until she came to National City.

She had Alex and Kara back. Her relationship with her mom may not have gotten better but it wasn't worse. Then there was her dad…

He wasn't dead like they thought. Worse. He had been willingly helping Cadmus with their insane elitist plots. Willingly but under duress. That fact hadn't mattered to Sam before. She wasn't sure it did now. But. Always a but when it came to him. But, he had gone against Cadmus when Alex asked him. But, he fought against letting Sam take his place. But, he saved her.

So, how did she feel about him? Sam knew exactly how she felt about the rest of her family now. Her almost year in National City gave her the clarity she thought the distance always did. Before, Alex was a bitch, Kara was a spoiled golden child, her mom was barely at arm's distant and barely keeping her fragile façade of happy together. Her dad wasn't a thought. Not really. He was the underlying excuse for everything she did, but she didn't think about him.

Now, Sam would do anything for her sisters. It wasn't apparent to them, but they were her world. Everything important to her was between the two of them now. They took her in and rebuilt her when Sam was rock bottom and wallowing in her brokenness. Their relationships weren't perfect. That was the beauty. That was where Sam found what made her devotion to her sisters so strong; there was a sense of acceptance that had never been there before.

Her mom was…much the same. Sam thought hard on their year. For a long while she hadn't even told her mom she was home or out of the army. When she did it was fine. That was Sam's problem now. With age she gained maturity. With maturity she gained an awareness of how her actions affected her mom. She had a newfound measure of guilt in not living up to this unknown expectation that her mom had never imposed on her, but Sam still felt. They fought. They didn't talk. Then the bomb of her dad being alive and home dropped. Then the bomb of him not being _theirs_ dropped. There was no reconciliation between them. They were thrust back together, and now, the same thing is happening. If that has taught Sam anything about her mom it's that Eliza Danvers will bury anything for her family. Sam respected that. It may not be the healthiest habit, but her mom loved her; she had an odd way of showing it at times, but she did.

Sam's thoughts derailed as Lucy shifted and sighed. She froze, waiting to see if she was awake. She wasn't. If she could, Sam would've shifted herself. Moved onto her side in order to get more comfortable but her arm, and other injuries, prevented that.

Without consent, her thoughts drifted to where Sam didn't want. It seemed like the interruption from Lucy was going to let Sam venture from her contemplation of family. No luck.

Images and feelings of her dad rose up slowly like fish in water. Each one was negative. All with a lurking sense of loyalty and devotion underneath. It was confusing. And frustrating. Her lack of concrete feelings or knowledge of what she should be infuriated Sam more. It was maybe the cause of her volatile reaction to her dad. She didn't understand how someone could let her down so catastrophically, but still hold so much of her heart.

She did love her dad. She did want him to be safe. Did she want to talk to him? No. Did she want to spend time with him? No. But that didn't mean she wished hell on him. He was her dad. He was the best dad at some point, even if she couldn't remember that anymore. He was good enough to ride that wave of utter devotion and love for all of the years her stopped being so amazing. That had to mean that it was real. A loss of memory didn't mean it didn't happen. It just ate a hole in Sam's heart which fueled her hatred. Or, a false hatred. It was an armor.

An armor Sam didn't think she could take off. When she tried, he let her down. Never again. She didn't want to talk about him. She didn't want to deal. She didn't want to feel. Jeremiah Danvers was gone. Cadmus had surely gone off the grid to regroup and recoup. Until they surfaced, her dad was gone. Nothing new. Sam was equipped to deal with this. She didn't need some big conversation to help her deal.

All she really knew is that it was a heaping pile of unwanted feelings that Sam continued to push away and claim she didn't have or had under control. There was no newfound devotion or appreciation. If anything, she had a newfound shame in who her father was because it was not who she thought he was. That more than anything hurt.

In the dark, with the faint crashing of waves and a little bit of moon, Sam let it hurt. In the light of day, she never did. Pushed away and denied was how she dealt. Under the cover of dark, she wondered what it really was.

At first it was overwhelming emptiness that met her introspection. An empty hole swirling with vague emotions that bottomed out whenever she tried to grab onto one, dragging the hole deeper. The first thing Sam got her fingertips to snag was disappointment. An aching disappointment that made her chest constrict and heat to seep out of her. It was crushing. With it, willingly and without any attempts on Sam's part, up came resignation. There was no fixing it. All Sam was left with was a hurt so soul-shattering and heart-breaking that there wasn't anything she could do.

And there wasn't. No one could fix her dad. He probably couldn't fix himself at this point. Whatever delusional bullshit he was telling himself as an excuse to help Cadmus couldn't be fixed and it was long enough that the excuses didn't matter. It was him. There was no fixing that. Even if there was, the man she knew as her father was gone.

For a moment, Sam thought she was going to cry. Her throat tightened, her heart pushed out, and her entire body reached for something. Some kind of real reaction. But she didn't care. And that lack of caring pushed her over the edge. Tears spilled over without any prompting or notice.

It wasn't fair. There was no reason she should feel the way she did about her _father_. Why did she get stuck with him? Did she not have enough hardship in her life? Was this the world trying to balance itself out? On top of her anger at him, there was a self-loathing for herself. No daughter should feel so much against her father. She should love him. Unconditionally. Her lack of feeling gave her so much to feel and only added to her confusion over the whole damn thing.

The tears streamed down. Not thick and flooding but a steady flow, a release that Sam hadn't granted herself. Not that it was helping. She had shoved down her feelings for so long that this wouldn't do anything in the long run but right then, in the moment, it was exactly what she needed.

Her breathing was starting to stutter as she inhaled, not able to get enough air in through her nose. Either that stutter or a sniffle woke Lucy. She was mumbling Sam's name, half asleep as she crawled out of her bed again. Her hand reached and patted on the bed until she found Sam's arm then down to her hand.

When she realized Sam's state, and what woke her up, Lucy didn't bother staying by the bedside like before. She climbed right in with Sam. She shushed and whispered comforting words as she shuffled into the bed and snuggled into Sam's side. On Sam's right side, between her and the wall. Her hands were everywhere. Gentle as they grazed over cuts and scraps and gashes. Light as they passed over a multitude of bruises. Sam felt her touch over each one. It reminded her how tired she was. Her body was so. damn. tired.

Sam fell asleep with Lucy next to her, _with_ her. Fully focused on her hands and her words. It was the distraction she needed. With Lucy there, Sam could push all of those feelings away. Maybe not the healthiest coping habit, but she learned from the people she loved that it worked. It would work. Sam needed it to work more than she needed it to be dealt with right then.


	117. Chapter 117

**A/N: no edit.**

Waking up was…rough. A little light streamed in around the bedroom curtains. They hit Sam's face perfectly. Her face scrunched as she started to come into consciousness. Not fully awake and not thinking about the night before, or anything, Sam tried to roll over. Bad idea.

Immediately, she gasped but bit down to stop from crying out. The movement and noise woke Lucy. She popped up, still half asleep.

"What? What's wrong?" She pushed her hair back and looked around before looking down at Sam. She rubbed at her eyes with one hand, her other hovering, not sure where to go. "Sam?"

Sam kept her teeth clenched, holding onto her shoulder, as she shook her head. She needed a minute. Breathe through the pain, get it under control. Wake up.

"What can I do?"

"It's fine." Sam breathed out.

They sat quietly for a few more minutes. Sam may have said fine, but it didn't feel that way. Her incisions pulled and stabbed. Her shoulder and hand throbbed. It was a dull pain, which was both promising and potentially troublesome.

Finally, the pain passed. As it did, a bone deep soreness settled over Sam. Mentally, she felt moderately rested. A feat for her. Her body was a different story.

Each limb was dead weight. Sam could feel herself press into the mattress, heavy and immovable. Each bruise was a lump of pressure in her skin, pushing out in any direction possible. Each cut, scrape, and gash pulled her skin tight, stretching until it felt like it would bust each time she moved.

The only part of her body that felt moderately okay was her left arm. Her shoulder. Her hand. They felt functional. Her elbow was stiff and sore, but the intensity was taken from it since the parts around it seemed okay.

Lucy hadn't really laid back down. She held herself up on an elbow, still looking down at Sam who had yet to open her eyes. Her other hand toyed with the hem of Sam's sleeve.

"Not how I thought waking up with you for the first time would be."

Sam smiled, a pleasant swoop of her stomach made her forget how the rest of her felt. "You've spent a lot of time thinking about it then?"

She opened her eyes in time to see Lucy shrug with a brazen smile. Sam chuckled. It wasn't like she hadn't herself. She just wasn't one to admit something like that.

"How'd you sleep?" Lucy probed softly.

"Fine."

Lucy rolled her eyes. "We both know 'fine' is your go-to when things are not fine. I woke up twice because you were not fine. The second time much worse than the first. Please don't lie to me, Sam. Or…or deflect because I don't think you mean to lie. I think you don't want to deal."

Very true. She didn't want to deal. Sam was of the mind that it was easier. So far, that mindset hadn't been proven wrong.

"Will you tell me what's going on?"

She would. The way Lucy asked, sleep-laced voice and concerned eyes, was a dagger through Sam's resolve. Desire to deal or not, Lucy wanted to know. In a way, too, that no one had ever asked Sam to share. Alex and Kara had done so similarly back when she first got to National City, but this was different. It was Lucy.

She wouldn't go deep. Sam wasn't even sure she would bring up the stuff about her dad. Maybe she'd keep it to the dream. See how that went, and if it went well then maybe she'd get to her dad. Eventually. Not today.

"Um," Sam cleared her throat after her voice came out scratchy. "Mostly that same dream."

Lucy nodded, letting Sam set the pace. Sam looked away. Her eyes darted away then back. This was uncomfortable, but comfort meant nothing would change. She wanted to change. Be able to ask for help and receive it and be more…normal.

"It's, uh, really weird. I'm like running in this dark hallway. That's how it starts. Then, it like…doesn't change. I'm still running but I realize I'm running from something. I find out it's a someone but later. Before that I come to this fork in the tunnel. I can go right, left, or like a slight left. Or like a veer to the left. I never pick right. Nothing changes if I pick one left over the other. The decision gets easier. At first it felt like I was picking through…like anesthesia I guess. Everything is slow and foggy and I'm a little frantic."

"Anesthesia makes you frantic?"

Sam nodded. Not exactly a normal reaction to a sedative but after Cadmus, it really did. She answered simply, "Cadmus."

Lucy's lips pressed into a thin line. She didn't say anything. Sam wondered what she thought about that. She was tempted to ask but one thing at a time.

"After I pick, things calm down. I feel like I'm getting some distance. I'm not. I get tackled. Things are a little hectic but when I get away and see who it is…it's, uh. It's me."

"You tackle yourself?"

"Yea." Sam swallowed. This was the part that bothered her on a deeper level. This was the issue. "I'm not, like, completely myself. I look kinda like Cyborg Henshaw. I have a fucked-up metal face like him, blue eye and all. My arm is completely machine. No skin or anything.

"Worse part about it? That me completely bought in to Cadmus. Like my dad but worse. That me actually believes in their ideology and wants to be part of it."

"What happens?"

"That me tries to tell me to stop fighting it, keeps saying I'm a fucking Cadmus girl. Like what the fuck is that?" Sam narrowed her eyes and shook her head, getting annoyed and frustrated with herself. "There's no way in hell I would ever join them."

"Do you think–" Lucy stopped and looked at Sam. When Sam didn't look back, Lucy asked her too. "Hey, look at me. I'm gonna ask you some stuff about this dream. I'm not trying to, uh…I guess accuse you of anything, and I'm not making assumptions or judgements or whatever. I just want to understand, and help you understand, what's going on. Okay?"

That didn't sit well. Sam knew she would bristle with each question if Lucy was already prepping her. It couldn't matter. Lucy wanted the talk. Sam needed it. Regardless if she wanted it.

"Okay."

"Why do you think you're having this dream?" Sam shrugged. She spent most of her time pretending she wasn't having this dream. "Okay. Well, what's worse? That you're all cyborg-y or that you're all for Cadmus?"

"Cadmus."

"You know you'd never join them though so why does that bother you?"

They were treading into dangerous waters. Sam could feel it. As soon as Lucy asked the question, Sam made the connection. She shook her head.

"Come on, Sam. Answer the question," Lucy said gently.

"I don't want to."

"Okay." Lucy nodded, her hand on Sam's shoulder rubbed up and down her bicep. "I won't force you to. It's fine."

They sat in silence. Lucy's hand moving against Sam's arm. A soft pressure, just barely there. It felt nice, soothing in the midst of Sam's overall uncomfortable being.

As the quiet went on, Sam felt the words forming. Then, pushing their way out. They were tipping over as they fought against each other to make their way up her throat.

She fought it. As always. Sam was never able to share easily, not the things that bothered her or hurt her. Even as a kid she didn't. They couldn't get her to shut up when she was happy, but they couldn't get her to talk when she was upset either. Only her dad after a lot of work.

The fight was in vain. Her mouth was opening and moving and forming words without any consent from Sam. That may have been best. She didn't think. Just spoke.

"I never thought my dad would work for Cadmus. But he did. Is."

Lucy's hand stopped rubbing her upper arm, trailing down to her hand. She held it loosely. Sam took little comfort in it but a little was better than nothing.

"I don't know what they did to me. I don't know what their plan was or anything, but I don't want anything to do with them. I feel like that was taken away. I don't have any control. I'll betray everyone I love. I'll do it willingly because Cadmus will make me one of them and I'll justify it all."

A beat of silence.

"I'll be just like him."


	118. Chapter 118

**A/N: no edit.**

Two days passed. National City was saved. Sam knew most of what happened thanks to a call from Alex. Her and Kara would be there soon, but the city needed their help a little longer to deal with the fallout. Sam had told her not to worry. Alex told her she knew that wasn't a possibility.

Sam's two days passed in a blur of pain, exhaustion, testing, and short fuses. Both with Lucy and her mom. Nothing seemed to be coming from these tests and that, more than anything, frustrated Sam. Add in her physical condition and it was a feat of great patience that she hadn't broken anything or stormed out.

The good that was happening was easily overshadowed but Lucy reminded Sam of it whenever it got to be too much. Her hand stopped moving on its own. Now it was her shoulder, and the movement was so much easier to deal with. Shrugs or rolling forward or back was it. No spasming or clenching or jumping into action. Just frequent movement.

Her mom discovered that the movement was happening as the bio-tech explored Sam's muscles, tendons, and everything else. Kind of like a test drive. She thought that next it would be felt, and seen, in Sam's elbow.

Also promising was the healing of her scars. Both days saw the redness and feel of them lessening. Before, they had been angry red ropes lacing her arm. Now, they were more pink than red and smooth to the touch. Still easily seen though, much to Sam's annoyance.

"I don't think this…organism," Her mom was explaining, looking through a microscope in her lab-office at the University of Midvale; Sam sat on a stool, keeping pressure on her inner arm as her mother instructed her to do after drawing blood, "was designed to hurt you. What we originally thought was aggressive assimilation is actually, as far as I can tell, exploratory enhancement."

Lucy looked at Sam. She looked back with a roll of her eyes. Eliza Danvers was one of the smartest people Sam had ever known, up there with Alex, but she had never been good at dumbing things down.

"And that means what? For us non-science minded individuals."

"Sorry." Her mom leaned up from the lens and smiled. "It means that whatever Cadmus put in you wasn't meant to put you under their control. This organism can't be controlled; I don't think it's even sentient.

"It isn't…possessing you. It seems to be exploring your anatomy and enhancing it, or maybe fusing with it is a better way to explain it because it's not like this organism is doing a little work then moving on. It's making a home."

Her mom said it like getting comfortable in Sam's body was a good thing. As far as Sam was concerned, it wasn't. Nothing sounded worse. Well, no. Cadmus being able to take control was worse.

"That's a good thing?" Lucy asked.

"I can't tell yet." Her mom shook her head then looked back down into the microscope as she continued to explain. "In terms of the biology of this thing, it isn't aggressive or predatory. It just is. Neutral in a sense. I need someone with a technology background to look at this."

"So, we need Winn." Sam suggested. He was the best tech guy she knew. He had been studying up on non-human made tech since working with the DEO. If anyone was going to know what was going on in terms of tech, it would be him.

"I think so, yes."

They spent the rest of the day testing the different samples in various ways. Different materials and conditions were presented to the samples. Fire, steel, blood, water, etc. All to see how it reacted. Each time it adapted to protect itself. If it couldn't protect, it could repair.

It was more than ten times stronger than similar samples taken from Sam's right arm. The cells that integrated with the bio-tech were faster too. Her mom found it infinitely interesting and amazing. Sam still had a pit in her stomach about what was happening to her. She knew that when her mom phased out of Dr. Danvers, she would be worried still. Sam could appreciate how finding an unknown biological tech was distracting.

They knew more. That was promising. Two days had let Sam's aches and pains settle firmly into her body, but she was healing, they could all see it. That was promising.

She was trying to stay positive. Lucy helped with that. She kept Sam talking, even when it was like pulling teeth. Their conversations weren't always centered on Sam and her Cadmus experience. Sometimes it was about them and what they wanted. Sometimes it was about Lucy. They talked about Sam's expectations moving forward in terms of her body, work, her family. They talked about frivolous things like spring in Midvale, the university, National City. Anything. It made the whole process easier.

Not to mention, all the talking, whether heavy or light, brought Lucy and Sam closer. It ate away the weeks they missed because of Cadmus. Sam was getting back to that easy comfort she had with Lucy. Her presences lost the absoluteness of soothing and rounded out into so much more.

Lucy wasn't only a hideaway from Sam's ordeal. An important distinction for Sam. It brought with it a sense of longevity. And it left behind a dependence on Lucy that Sam would have resented.

Two hard days. Two important days. Two more days that Sam had without Cadmus. Two more days of freedom, with more ahead of her. Her mom's discovery that her new bio-tech friend in her arm was not controlling gave Sam her freedom back.

Sam sat on the back porch, watching the aftermath of a Midvale sunset. The sky was mostly purple, tiger stripes of orange streaked across it. The water looked like a soft pink, almost white. A soft contentment settled over Sam.

She could hear her mom and Lucy talking in the kitchen through the open window. They talked about Lucy's work and her time at the University at Metropolis, how her mom had wanted to go there so badly for her undergrad. If she closed her eyes and ignored every ache and pain and pull in her body, Sam felt like she had a normal life. An involuntary roll of her shoulder her brought her back from that fantasy. As she opened her eyes, the screen door slid open and Lucy stepped out. Sam smiled at her.

"Hey," she returned the smile. "What are you doing out here?"

"Nothing. Just enjoying the view."

Lucy sat beside Sam, closer than necessary, and looked out in front of them. It was quite the view. Sam would never have any idea how her parents got such a prime spot. Their cliff lot gave a perfect view of the ocean, unimpeded by any distraction imaginable. All they could see was sun, sky, and ocean.

They sat quietly, enjoying the last drift of the sun under the horizon. It was Sam's favorite time. The sun sinking into dusk and the little bit of twilight that followed. The in between.

She thought of trying to start a conversation a few times but stopped herself each time. Lucy loved to talk. If she wanted to, nothing would stop her. Sam figured she was enjoying the quiet and Sam almost always enjoyed the quiet. Especially with Lucy. She decided she liked it even more as Lucy dropped her head down to Sam's shoulder, her right shoulder which allowed Sam to not worry.

Eventually, she did quietly announce, "This is my favorite part of the day."

"I like mornings better, but being out here, with this view, I totally get why it would be your favorite. It's beautiful."

"Somehow, I am not surprised that mornings are your favorite."

Lucy lifted her head up, much to Sam's dismay. She narrowed her eyes playfully. "I can't tell if you're insulting me or not."

"I'm not!" Sam dipped her head and held up a hand. "It just makes sense."

Lucy hummed, not quite sold. She laid her head back down. "They're the best. When it's sunny and you don't have any reason to get out of bed…"

She sighed. Sam imagined it along with her. A warm bed, the sun coming in, and no rush to get up. Then she thought about that same moment but with Lucy with her. Yea. She could get on board with mornings.

"That does sound nice."

"Something tells me you are _not_ a morning person."

"Depends on how much I drank the night before," Sam joked. It fell flat.

"How often are you not a morning person then?"

"Uh…" She scratched her chin with her left. Her affinity for drinking wasn't something she was keen on admitting to. Alex and Kara had a problem with it, so did Maggie. "Depends."

"On what?"

"On, like, how my day went I guess. I don't know. Just depends."

Sam was getting defensive. She could hear it in her voice. Just barely there but giving her words an edge. Lucy picked her head up again and shifted to face Sam. One leg bent and leaning against the back of the bench they were on, the other resting with her foot on the ground.

"Should I be worried that you're getting upset by this?"

Sam shook her head and looked away. Of all the conversations to have. This had been going well too.

"It kind of seems like I should be worried."

Sam took a deep breath. She could talk about this. Her and Lucy had talked about a lot of other things. And, it wasn't like she had a problem. She just liked to drink a little too much. As cliché as it sounded, she did have it under control even if she didn't bother trying to control it. She could.

"My sisters were kinda worried about it, but you don't need to be. Neither do they. I haven't had a drink since…I don't even know. Before Cadmus. I'm not craving one now. I just drank a lot."

Lucy nodded. "Okay. Sorry I pushed you on it."

"No, it's okay. Don't, don't worry about it." Sam ran a hand over the top of her head and through her ponytail. "You have a right to know."

"If it isn't a problem, why do I have a right to know?"

"Because it's my go-to to deal with things. Maggie gets all freaked out because Alex does it too. She's worried if we don't monitor it then it'll get out of hand and be a problem."

"Noted."

Lucy was quiet then, "My dad drinks a lot."

"In a bad way?"

She shrugged. "I think it's like what you said. It could be bad."

"Do you not want me to drink then?"

"No." Lucy shook her head, "Not no, you can't drink. I meant no, I don't want that. If you want to drink, you can. Just don't let it get bad, for your own well-being."

Lucy faced the ocean again, opting to snuggle in close to Sam instead of laying her head down again. It was starting to get chilly. No sun and the ocean wind were a killer combination if the temperature dropped to 50 or below. Sam shivered, and Lucy was quick to usher them inside. Which was okay. Sam was realizing how tired she was from all the testing.

Not too long after, Sam was in bed and in between asleep and awake. She was waiting for Lucy. The past two nights they had slept together. Sam's bed was a little small, but it made her feel better. Safer.


	119. Chapter 119

**A/N: not edit. Winter break is over and I'm back on the grind. Posting is going to slow down again. I do have a three day weekend this week so I will do my best to pile up some chapters. Thanks for reading!**

Sam was surprised when she realized how excited she was to see Alex and Kara. They were due in any minute. In the past, Sam was lucky if she felt indifference to the arrival of her sisters. Now, she was _excited_. It was weird. And, she tried to hide it. No idea why but she did.

Lucy saw through it. Her mom probably did too. They constantly asked her about their arrival. Was she happy? How long did she think before they got in? What would they do first? Did she think they were tired? Sam answered them all with a perfected distracted shrug. Maybe a smart-ass comment to go along with it, some joke.

Her pretend indifference didn't stop her from getting up to greet her sisters at the door with a hug. They both looked exhausted and barely made any comment about Sam's voluntary hugging. Sam was worried when she saw how tired Kara looked. Kryptonians weathered stress incredibly well. To see it on Kara was not a good sign.

Their mom wanted to have dinner before they talked about anything not family related but that wouldn't last. Sam figured it was because their family covered such a wide range; all their problems were related in some way to family for them. Alex would want to know about her. Sam would want to know about them.

They sat down at the table to eat. It was as far as Sam could get. Her sisters and her city were fighting for their lives all while she tucked tail and ran home. She needed to know.

"What happened with the city?"

Alex looked at Kara then back at Sam, she shook her head slightly. "Not now, Sam."

"No. It's okay." Kara answered.

"You don't have to talk about it, honey." Their mom offered. Sam looked at her, realizing she was kept out of the loop.

"No, it's fine." Kara put a small amount of mashed potatoes on her plate before passing the bowl to Lucy. She didn't pay any mind to her food as she spoke to Sam, "I challenged Rhea to this Daxamite custom. We would fight and whoever lost would leave. While that was happening Lena, Winn, and Lillian found a way to get rid of the Daxamites. We knew Rhea wouldn't keep her end of the bargain, but they needed more time to figure something out. They released lead into the atmosphere. Not enough to affect the rest of us. Just enough to kill any Daxamite left on Earth."

Sam heard nothing but white noise after the mention of Lillian. An angry buzzing took over. That wasn't true; she heard Kara, but she didn't absorb any of it. All of Sam was fixated on Lillian. The woman who took her, tortured her, experimented on her. The woman it seemed who helped her sisters.

The table continued talking. Sam could feel Lucy watching her. Her mom was focused on Kara, as was Alex. If Sam had been rationally listening, she probably would have been too. As it were, she was irate and blinded by it.

She asked, sickeningly calm, "Did you say 'Lillian'?"

The room went quiet. All eyes turned to Sam. She kept hers on Kara, the one who had said it. Her knuckles were white from how tight she was holding her fork.

"Sam, you don't understand." Alex started.

"Did you say Lillian?"

"We had to. We didn't–"

Sam's fist, still clutching her fork, came down on the table. Her voice shattered whatever family environment that was in the room. "Answer me!"

"I did." Kara answered.

Sam threw her fork down and pushed back from the table. Her chair legs screeched across the wood floor. She loomed over the table.

"Are you kidding me!? You let _Lillian_ fucking _Luthor_ help you?"

"Sam. Stop. You don't know the whole story."

"Apparently, neither do you." Sam spat at Alex. "Or, did you forget what she did to me? I sure as hell didn't."

Sam didn't stick around for Alex's response. She stormed from the kitchen and out the back door. Her feet kept moving until she was at the ledge of their little seaside cliff. The beach was about fifteen feet below her. The path down to it was double that to her right. She stood at the edge and let the wind tug at her clothes and hair.

The betrayal stung. That was the only way to look at what her sisters did. Not that she knew in detail. She didn't need to. All she needed to hear was Lillian attached to them in any way other than hostile action.

Before long, Sam noticed she wasn't the only one on the ledge. She looked over then away when she saw it was Alex. A fresh wave of treachery crashed over Sam, renewing her anger.

Alex took her time in engaging Sam. A smart move. They stood several feet apart for several minutes. Then, Alex walked over to Sam but just stood next to her. No words. That lasted for exactly one minute.

"We didn't have a choice. I promise you, Sam, we didn't. She is the absolute last person I would ever work with. If I had a choice."

"Bullshit," Sam sneered. "There's always a choice."

"You're right." Alex nodded, still looking out at the dark ocean in front of them. "I did have a choice. You're absolutely right. I could let Lillian help us or let Rhea destroy National City and over a million innocent people."

When she put it like that, Sam deflated. How could she have thought her sisters would willingly work with Lillian Luthor? She had seen red when she heard that name. She hadn't thought was exactly the problem.

"I want that woman's head, Sam. If I could have thought of another way, I would have."

"Was Dad there?"

"No."

"Where is she now?"

"We don't know. She slipped away before the end of the battle. Cadmus is completely off the grid. We have eyes on all their previous locations but so far nothing."

Of course, they were off the grid. Because why on earth would it be so easy for Sam to find them and destroy them? With Cadmus out of reach, she focused on a different line of conversation.

"So, what happened?"

"Exactly what Kara said. She fought Rhea. Rhea refused to leave like we knew she would. We released lead into the atmosphere, permanently, and now the Daxamites aren't a threat. They can't be here."

"What about the city?"

"It got a little banged up but nothing that wasn't fixable. Casualties were low considering we were being invaded by a hostile alien force. There were still too many for J'onn's liking."

Sam nodded. Her brain processed the information as fast as Alex was giving it to her. Too fast. Her thoughts snagged, and Sam backtracked.

"Wait. What happened to Mon-El?"

Alex was quiet a moment. Her arms came up to cross over her chest. Sam's mind jumped to the worse. Scenario after scenario of Mon-El's obvious negative fate played behind her eyes.

"He left."

Sam let out a heavy sigh. Her relief was short lived though. Mon-El leaving had so many implications. There were the ones that affected him, obviously, but also the ones that affected Kara, and their friends. He may not have been Sam's favorite person in the world, especially when they first met, but Mon-El had made his way into her little family in National City. The thought of not seeing his dopy smile or hear any of his bad jokes pulled at Sam.

"What do you mean 'he left'?"

"With the lead in the air, he couldn't stay. Just like with Lillian, we tried to figure something else out. We couldn't. Mon-El wasn't going to be the reason we lost National City. Even if that meant he had to lose Kara. He made a really big sacrifice. So did Kara."

Big was an understatement. What they gave up to save National City was huge. Universal. Kara and Mon-El were the last of their kind. Or, more appropriately, the best of their kind. Kara was happy. She'd fought it then fought for it. Sam was devastated for her sister's loss.

"How is she?"

Alex shook her head. "Not good."

"What can we do?"

"Nothing." Alex looked at Sam instead of the view for the first time. "She's using Supergirl to cover it all up, and you. She won't talk about it with anyone. I think right now all we can do is give her some space. It's what she wants."

"Really?" That was surprising to hear. Sam didn't think Kara knew what space was. "That's…not good."

"No, but we have to respect it."

"What about Maggie? And J'onn and James and Winn? Are they okay?"

Sam watched a smile slide onto her sister's face. It was a little out of place and made Sam skeptical. She didn't ask, just waited for Alex to elaborate.

"They're fine. A little banged up but nothing even remotely serious."

Instead of responding, Sam waited. She thought the extra time would prompt Alex to explain what flipped her mood. Not so much.

"Why are you smiling like a weirdo?"

"You can't tell anyone."

"Ooookay…"

"Seriously Sam, say you won't tell anyone."

This was getting weirder and weirder. "I won't tell anyone."

"I proposed to Maggie."

" _What?"_ Sam was still skeptical, but she couldn't get the smile off her face. Those were the last words she thought she would hear from Alex. That night or any other night for a long, long time. " _You_ proposed to Maggie? Not the other way around? When the hell did that happen? I thought you guys were saving the city from, how did you put it? A hostile alien force."

"We were. I did it, like, right after. I was talking to Kara and she was just so destroyed about losing Mon-El. After she left, Maggie came up and I started thinking about losing her and I…I couldn't do it. We had this moment after that whole Malverne about having firsts with each other. It felt like the right time to ask. So, I did. And, she said yes."

Alex beamed and Sam beamed right back. It was crazy to think that Alex was ready for marriage. Sam had seen every side to Alex. Angry, work-obsessed, closed off, drunk, guarded, happy, caring. None of them seemed ready for marriage. But, if she really thought about it then there was no doubt that Alex was ready for marriage with Maggie. That was the missing piece for her all along.

Sam wrapped her sister up in a quick hug. She said, with her chin tucked over Alex's shoulder, "Congrats!"

"Thanks."

They pulled apart without lingering in the embrace long. The hug was enough. It conveyed exactly what it was meant to, more if either of them read into it past what it was. Into the fact that Sam was the one to enact it and how normal it felt for both of them.

"Why haven't you told anyone?"

Alex shrugged. "I didn't want to rub Kara's face in it, I guess. I'm not going to hide it forever but I will give her a little time to grieve before I say anything."

"And Mom?"

"You know as well as I do that that woman can not keep a secret from any of us."

Sam scoffed. "Very true. Mom can't keep anything to herself. Kara mentioned Lucy to Mom, I guess, and she assumed we're together. Made some really awkward comment about sleeping in the same room."

"You guys aren't together?"

It was Sam's turn to shrug. She ignored how her left shoulder bounced a second time. "It's complicated."

"That's not an answer."

"Yes, it is." Sam smiled, looking out over the glassy black water. "Just not the one you want."

"And the one I want is…?"

"That we're not _not together_. We just…haven't really decided. Kind of."

Alex laughed. "Sam, what in the hell does that 'kind of' mean?"

Sam grimaced. She didn't like talking about this stuff. It made her feel weird. Alex seemed to sense that.

"It's just me, Sam. You can tell me anything."

"We're waiting until I get better and we know what's up with my arm before we do anything. Like go on a date or whatever."

"So, you guys talked about it then?"

"Yea, a little. Enough that we're on the same page."

"That's good. I'm happy to hear that. I like you and Lucy together."

"Yea," Sam nodded, "Me too."

They didn't stay out much longer. When they went back inside, all three Danvers sisters conceded to their mom's wish for a, relatively, normal dinner. No more talk of aliens, or the DEO, or Cadmus, or anything of the like. Kara was mostly quiet and picked at her food. Alex and Lucy carried the conversation with their mom.

Once dinner was over the debriefing started. Everything that happened in National City was laid out. Alex filled Sam in on J'onn's orders for her as she healed. She was to report to the DEO, discreetly, as soon as she felt up for more intensive testing. Their mom filled everyone in on what she found out about Sam's arm. Some of it was information that she hadn't shared with Sam. The content of it being too dense for her to appropriately understand.

Alex, Kara, and their mom stayed up talking after Lucy ushered Sam to bed. She had tried her hardest to stay up and be a part of the conversation. Her body was still too weak for so much. Sam barely put up a fight. She was asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow. And a good thing too. After everything she learned, things were going to get rough before they got normal.


	120. Chapter 120

**A/N: No edit.**

Alex and Kara didn't stay long. A day. There was too much that needed their attention in National City. Sam understood. It was the nature of all their lives. She couldn't hold it against them for doing their jobs and attending to their duties.

That didn't mean she was happy to see them go. With a heavy heart, she had hugged her sisters goodbye then went out back instead of walking them out. Alex punctuated her hug with a reminder that they needed her account of what happened to her while with Cadmus. She wasn't trying to push. It was another one of those doing her job and attending to her duty situations.

Sam knew she couldn't keep putting it off. Hell, she had worked with the reports for months. She knew perfectly well what was needed from her. Knowing didn't make it easier to do.

For a long while, no one came looking for Sam. She was grateful. The alone time let her work out the emotions swirling around giving her report. The thought of sitting down in the DEO, across from agent, most likely Alex, and speaking into a recorder ran Sam's blood cold. The metal and cement and interrogation feel of it built Sam's nerves up. There had to be a different way.

And there was. It dawned on her as she thought through what the room would look and feel like. The important part of getting her account was the recording. Or the copy, because she could write it if she wanted. She didn't. So, why couldn't Sam record it all somewhere she felt more comfortable?

How she got the DEO the report really didn't matter to Sam. They'd get it and that would have to be good enough for them. She decided to roll with the motivation. Once she got her phone and an old notebook, Sam decided to record in her room. All three Danvers sisters' rooms had cushioned benches under their bedroom windows. That's where she set up camp.

Sam sat cross-legged, staring at her phone and the paper in front of her. This was going to suck. It was bad enough to live through it once. Now Sam needed to do it again. Since she had been home, Sam had been actively suppressing her memories of her time with Cadmus. This was _really_ going to suck.

Wallowing and stalling wasn't going to help. Sam took a quick, steadying breath before hitting the record button on the voice recorder app she had to download for the task. No time like the present.

"This is Agent Sam Danvers, ID number FA-2702. This recording is my official report of my capture and captivity by Cadmus. Dates effective May 12th through 29th 2017."

Sam paused the recording as she heard the door open and a rushed, hushed 'oh'. She looked over in time to see Lucy pull out of the room. So much for getting through the report without anyone knowing or interrupting.

"You can come in," Sam called.

Lucy peaked around the door. "I'm sorry! I didn't know you were…"

"It's okay." There were two options here. Ask Lucy to leave. Ask Lucy to come in. The former was easiest and felt like the right decision for Sam. The latter was hard, and it was not in Sam's nature to be so open, and, in the long run, it would be best for her.

Sam decided she was going to do the things that felt foreign. Too often she took the route easiest in the moment. Every time that route was not easiest for anyone involved. Sam caused herself so many problems. She didn't want that any more. Plus, if Lucy sat through this with her than Sam wouldn't have to explain it again. Two birds. One recording.

"You can stay…if you want."

Lucy stepped more into the room but only until her body was half in. One foot in, one foot out; the door blocking half of her body. Sam tried not to feel as dismissal in her body language. She was projecting it there any way.

"What exactly are you doing? I only heard the last part."

"Recording my account of what happened with Cadmus for the official report. I, uh, I don't want to do it at the DEO."

"Oh." Lucy stepped into the room a little more. She pushed the door closed behind her. "Are you sure?"

"About giving the report or asking you to stay?" Sam joked. She smiled lopsided and shrugged. "One more than the other."

"You better be referring to giving the report!" Lucy narrowed her eyes playfully then they widened, "Not because you have to have me here. That's not what I was saying! I meant because…I don't even know actually but it was supposed to be a joke."

Sam laughed a little. "Calm down. It's not a big deal. I know you wouldn't be like that."

"So…you are you sure you want me to stay?"

"Yea. You're gonna ask about it eventually and you have a right to know, I guess. I mean, Alex says you stayed on at the DEO to oversee the search for me."

"It didn't do much help." Lucy replied as she got comfortable across from Sam on the bench. "Your dad was the one who figured it out."

"It doesn't matter how successful you were. You tried to find me when you had no responsibility to. I haven't, really…had the chance to say thank you for that. So, thanks."

Lucy smiled. It was warm and felt good to see. "Of course, Sam."

Sam had an overwhelming feeling that something else needed to be said. She wasn't sure what and it made her nervous. She looked at Lucy, trying for the life of her to think of something. When nothing came, Sam looked down at her phone.

"We might as well get started."

She looked back up at Lucy then down again. This time at her notebook. She handed it across to Lucy, with the pen she had in hand.

"Because this is for an official report you can't talk on it. If you have, like, questions or want to say something you can write them down on there or, like, write on there that you do, and I'll pause it or something."

Lucy accepted the items with a smile. She set them down in her lap and looked to Sam, patiently waiting. Sam took a deep breath.

"Here we go, I guess." She reached down and clicked record again. She watched a few seconds tick by without saying anything.

"On May 12th, Cadmus resurfaced. They were abducting aliens. I'm sure there's a report on that so I won't waste time by going into detail. Cadmus was a deeper issue for my family because my father, Jeremiah Danvers, was working for them. Agent Alex Danvers, my sister, was dangerously concerned with the case. Director Hank Henshaw, or as he is known in the DEO, J'onn, took her off the case.

"Alex asked Supergirl to get J'onn to put her back on the case. She said no. Alex then asked Maggie, her girlfriend, and me for help. We agreed. We were both worried because Alex would have done it by herself if we didn't and we didn't want her to get hurt.

"It took a few days for us to find anything. Maggie finally got something on the unmarked cop car Cadmus was using. We went, found the guy, stopped him from taking another alien, and found Cadmus's location. Maggie stayed behind to take the Cadmus guys in to get booked. Alex and I went for Cadmus.

"They were in this huge warehouse. Alex and I infiltrated it. We didn't make it that far. We were surrounded by Cadmus agents, our dad showed up, and took us to Lillian Luthor. Alex, my dad, and Lillian went back and forth. A bunch of stuff that I'm sure is already in a report somewhere happened.

"Long story short. Supergirl showed up and we stopped Cadmus. Alex, my dad, Supergirl, and me. Lillian wasn't going home empty-handed though. She told us that she was not leaving without a Danvers. My dad was in no shape to go back with them. He wouldn't make it. I said I would go. Lillian and Cyborg Superman took me with them."

Lucy held up the notebook. On it, in her flowing handwriting, was the word pause. Sam hit the button on her phone.

"Why'd you go?"

"I didn't have a choice." Sam shrug a tough too aggressively. She felt her defenses set themselves. "If my dad went, he'd die. If Alex went, I don't think we could have gotten her back. And fuck if we were going to let Kara go. They can't have Supergirl. Or any of my family."

"I wish you didn't have to make that decision."

"Yea, well…I did and it's over. Alex and Kara got me back like I knew they would. It's fine."

"It's not but I know what you mean."

Lucy put her hands back in her lap. Sam didn't need to wonder what she meant by that. It didn't matter how hard she tried. Sam's condition wasn't something she was able to hide. Everyone knew she wasn't fine. It didn't matter what she said or how she acted. Hiding it was getting easier but the damage was done. They all knew.

She hit record again. This time there was no pause. Sam plowed ahead with her story. This was where it was going to get hard.

"It wasn't until after being rescued and someone telling me that I knew how long Cadmus had me. After the first two days, they kept me heavily sedated. I put a fight and they didn't like that. Cadmus also injected a small chip to help with my behavior. When turned on it sent some kind of shock wave into my head.

"I think we moved around for awhile at the beginning but with the sedatives, I'm not sure. Most of the time we were in the warehouse. A different one from where Alex and I found them. I know now that it was, uh, DHI was the acronym. I don't remember what it stands for. But it was a DHI warehouse.

"While there, Cadmus operated on my left arm. Lillian and a man named Elijah headed the operations. Their methods were…not pleasant. I was still trying to get out and Elijah's consequences for that were severe. Um, his favorite was branding. I have four on my right wrist.

"We know now that they injected some kind of bio-tech organism into the robotic parts that they used to replace my left shoulder, wrist, and hand. We don't know much about the organism. Other than my left arm and the brands, I have no other serious injuries. Mostly, I was just roughed up from repeatedly trying to get out.

"A DEO team found me. My dad and Lucy Lane were with them."

Sam hesitated here. She hated having to admit what Lillian almost made her do. Admitting that she almost did it was the hardest part. When Alex and her team found Sam, she was at the end of her rope. The fight in her was dangerously low. She used everything she had left to undermine Lillian when she saw Parker and Lucy. She wasn't sure what would have happened if they hadn't found her then.

"Uh…I didn't know it at the time but that was May 29th. Lillian knew they were coming. She had planned to take the fight to the DEO but decided her plan would work fine in the warehouse. The place was rigged with Kryptonite explosives to take care of Supergirl. And then, uh…"

Sam hit the pause button. She let her eyes slip close as she worked up the courage to get this part out. What she did felt like a betrayal. She was almost exactly as bad as her dad. The man she ostracized because of his lack of fight against Cadmus.

With eyes still closed, Sam reached out for her phone. She held it for a second before hitting record. She forced the words out quickly.

"To deal with the infiltrating agents, Lillian had ordered me to take care of them. It was going to be the first test for my arm. I, uh…I told her I would do it. I was in position, she was in my ear via an earpiece. Everything was set. When the first team," Sam looked at Lucy now, "came into the room, I realized I couldn't do what she wanted. I told her no, threw away the ear piece.

"That didn't go over well, and she used the chip. I'm not sure what happened after that. Somehow my dad agreed to take my place. I think I tried to stop him."

Lucy held up her pause sign again. Sam did so. Lucy didn't say anything at first. Sam couldn't quite look her in the eye.

"Were you really going to do what Lillian wanted?"

Sam thought it over. She hated to admit that it was a real possibility. "I was dead on my feet. Nothing came from trying to get out. Just a lot of pain and, if Elijah was around, a little torture. I don't really know if I would have gone through with it but…I didn't have a whole lot left when you guys found me. I was losing."

Lucy shook her head. Sam looked away again and braced for whatever disappointment or contempt she was about to be hit with. She deserved it.

"I think you had enough left. No matter how long it took us, I don't think you would have ever actually helped Lillian or Cadmus. You're stronger than you give yourself credit for, Sam."

"I told her I would do it. Lillian asked and I said yes."

That breakdown in will was enough for Sam to condemn herself for the rest of her life. Cadmus was everything she hated. Corruption, abuse of power, bigotry, and elitist thinking. And she had said yes to that. It didn't matter if there were extenuating circumstances. Sam said yes.

"You said what you needed to in order to survive but you didn't help Cadmus. When it mattered, you made the right choice. No one was hurt because you said yes. If anything, it saved you. What if you saying yes to her and Lillian going a little easier on you is what got you through until we could save you?"

Sam didn't answer the question. She couldn't get rid of the feeling that said she was just as bad as Cadmus. She said yes.

"If that's true, I'm happy you said yes. Just like Alex, and Kara, and your mom would be."

Sam hit record instead of responding. "Supergirl took me to the DEO van before getting out of range of the Kryptonite bombs. Alex was worried Lillian would still blow them. I don't remember much of the ride back to the DEO. I was asleep for most of the next day.

"When I was awake enough to know what was going on, Alex had a sample taken from my left arm and removed the chip. I was sent to stay with my mom in Midvale so she, a bio-engineer, could study the sample and my arm. I have been ordered to come back to the DEO, discreetly, once I am feeling back to normal. I have been treated as off-duty since I was rescued. The time I spent in the DEO was in the med bay. Then I was transferred to National City General Hospital for surgery then discharged home before being sent off to Midvale during the Daxamite invasion."

Sam hit the end button instead of pause. She was done. That was everything. It wasn't as in-depth as most DEO reports, but Sam couldn't bring herself to analyze everything about her stay with Cadmus. She didn't have enough coherent memories for that any way. She'd add a log of each major injury she left Cadmus with then be done with it.

It was both harder and easier than she thought it would be. Getting the words out was easy. Starting was hard. Ending was hard. Sam was hit with a backlash of emotions. Fear was a big one. Shame. A sense of self-loathing that molded and melded with her shame. But she survived. That accounted for a little light. After studying the screen of her phone for too long, Sam looked up at Lucy.

"I have to do injury now."

"Okay." She nodded. Not moving.

"You don't have to stay for this. It's nothing."

"If you want me to leave then I will, but unless you ask me to, I'm not going anywhere."

"I don't know if I want you here for this," Sam admitted. Her eyes dropped again from Lucy. She didn't understand why though.

"Okay." Lucy nodded again and got up. "I'll be in the next room if you need me." That threw Sam off. The next room was Kara's old bedroom. Lucy noticed the look. "I really need to get some work done, and I like your mom, really I do, but the woman can get chatty."

Worry flared in Sam's chest. "How much work are you missing? Being here."

"Anything I need to get done can be done here."

Sam ran a hand through her hair. The idea of being a burden on Lucy, more than her just having to help keep an eye on Sam, pressed heavy on Sam's shoulders. She had never liked being a burden to anyone. Usually, it caused a negative and most often hostile reaction in Sam.

"I could say the same thing about my job, Lucy, but just because I could get shit done here doesn't mean I don't need to be at headquarters. If you need to be there then you should go."

Lucy smiled and tipped her head. "I think our jobs are just a little different."

"That's not…" Sam sighed. "I know they are but still."

"Sam. If I really needed to go, I would, but I don't so don't worry about it. You do you log thing and I'll get my stuff done."

"I just don't want–"

"Sam," Lucy said more firmly. Sam looked away. "I'm a big girl, and I have my own life. As harsh as it sounds, I wouldn't let you get in the way of anything _unless_ I wanted you to. So, please, don't think I'm the type of woman who would let this get in the way of the rest of my life."

"Fine."

It was said with more of an edge that Sam meant. She wasn't sure where it came from. Maybe it was the implication she found in Lucy's statement that she wasn't even a secondary part of Lucy's life. Which was dumb. They just started…whatever this was for them. Not quite a relationship yet but more so the intent to get into one.

"Don't be like that." Lucy sat back down, on the edge of the bench and close to Sam.

Sam kept her eyes adverted. She didn't enjoy everything she was feeling. Part of her said it was because she'd just opened barely healed wounds; she was feeling overly vulnerable. Another part said it was her normal insecurities. She began to pick at the bottom of her shoe.

"Hey." Hands directed Sam's face toward Lucy's. She couldn't help but let her eyes meet the woman who was waiting for them. "I'll go back to work if you don't want me here, but I'd rather be here with you, making sure you're okay."

Sam remained silent. Lucy kept her hands where they were. She leaned in and kissed Sam. Short and sweet.

"You're important to me."

Sam nodded, enjoying the way Lucy didn't pull back all the way. "I'm sorry."

"Just talk to me, okay? Otherwise, this'll go south. I don't want that." Lucy kissed her again then stood up. "Now, to work! Come get me when you're done."

"Okay."

Except how in the hell was she supposed to focus after that? That counted four kisses between them. Ever. Two before the mess Sam got herself into and those were the first two since. They were new. They were nice. They were a little distracting.

She watched Lucy leave, just barely stopping herself from saying screw the rest of her report and going after her. To work. Priorities. Don't get caught up. Sam reminded her of these things. It had been so long since she felt this way about someone. Maybe the first time ever at this level of attraction and fondness. At least since Sam stopped ignoring when she was fond of someone.

So, instead of saying something, Sam just smiled at Lucy when she looked back. The door shut with a click as Sam turned back to the task on hand. Now that all distraction was gone, dread pooled in her stomach once again.

The injuries Sam accumulated with Cadmus were many and varied. They fell into all categories: emotional, mental, physical, minor, moderate, serious, contusions, lacerations, burns. You name it, Sam could check the box. Then, there were all the things she couldn't really remember.

She could reminisce all she wanted. It wouldn't do her any good. It's not like Sam wanted to relive any of that shit any way. She hit record.

"Injury log for Agent Sam Danvers during captivity with Cadmus."

This would be different than her account of what happened. Injury logs were more of a list. Alex and the doctor on duty when Sam was brought in would have made one already, right after they stabilized Sam. That was standard procedure. Her log was necessary since she was with Cadmus so long and to cross reference with the one already on file.

"Log given top down. The reliability of this log should be in question. A lot of my time with Cadmus is…fuzzy." Sam rolled her eyes. She hated using lame descriptive words like that on official reports. "Not long into my time with Cadmus, I received a blow to the head which I think resulted in a concussion.

"Minor injuries, like contusions and lacerations, are too numerous to log. I am giving this report six days after my rescue. I can log the minor injuries that I have at this time."

Sam hit pause. She got up and went across the hall the bathroom. With the door shut, she studied her reflection. It was…not pretty. She was thin. No amount of home cooked meals was going to change that in three days. Her face was stark white against the reds, purples, blues, and greenish yellows of her injuries. She hit resume.

"Minor injuries. Face/head: black eye, left. Bruise along cheek bone, left. Split top lip. Cut across my nose. Scrape along right side of face, going into hairline.

"Torso and arms: mostly bruises, and scrapes on my hands and elbows. Back: nothing. Legs: bruises and scrapes."

So far, not so bad. Sam got through it. She didn't feel too drained, not like with her first report. Maybe she could get through this unscathed. No pun intended, especially since she was very scathed.

"Moderate injuries. Face/head: concussion, implant behind ear. Cuts at left eyebrow and right side of forehead. Torso and arms: four straight-line brands on right wrist. Back: nothing. Legs: nothing."

Apprehension settled over Sam as she moved into the serious injury realm. Her arm was more than a sensitive topic for her. Everything about it put her on edge. That arm could potentially change her life, and not for the better. She hated talking about it.

"Serious injuries. Face/head: nothing. Torso and arms: extensive operations on left arm. Left shoulder and wrist replaced with cyborg technology. The implications of which are still being studied." She took a steadying breath. Easier to push through than she thought. "Back: nothing. Legs: nothing."

Sam hit end on her phone. To waste time, she renamed both files then emailed them to Alex. A short message attached: Use these in place of in-house reports. I'll sit through them if J'onn wants but I'd rather not. Thanks.

When she was done and it sent, Sam looked at herself in the mirror again. Her eye was still swollen but it was more open than closed. The stitches seemed to be barely keeping her skin together. The skin was angry red and pushing against the thread the DEO used. The colors that covered her face were gross, standing out against her pale skin. To say Sam looked rough was an understatement.

She sighed and turned away. It would heal. Each injury she documented would be gone in a few weeks. Except her arm. But she ignored that.

Sam left the bathroom, tossing her phone onto her bed from the door of her room. She could hear Lucy talking from the other side of Kara's door. Instead of knocking, she pushed the door open slowly and quietly. Sam peaked in. Lucy looked up and waved her in then put a finger to her lips.

Respecting the call, Sam stepped in without letting Kara's door open much more. If it did, it would creak. The sisters found that out a long time ago after various attempts of sneaking out. Sam shut it just as quietly behind her before crawling on the bed, careful not to mess up any of the papers Lucy had scattered around her.

As Lucy continued her call, she gathered the papers in Sam's way to put them on the other side of the bed. She smiled as Sam settled on her stomach, head pillowed by her crossed arms. Lucy laid her hand on Sam's elbow for a minute before removing it and cradling the phone with her shoulder to type something on her laptop.

There were a lot of things about recovery that Sam didn't like. All the sleeping was one of them. As a kid she had always been an early riser and a burn the midnight oil type. Only when she drank too much did she sleep for long hours. But, with her body in the state it was, she could barely keep her eyes open. As she laid on Kara's old bed with the sounds typing and Lucy talking, basically, nonsense as far as Sam was concerned, she drifted off.

Waking up was also low on Sam's list about recovery. She always felt foggy. It was a feeling to close to coming out of anesthesia. The position she had fallen asleep in made her stiff too which was unpleasant. Sam pushed herself up onto her elbows and blinked around the room.

Lucy's stuff was still scattered on the bed. Her laptop screen was dark though, which meant she hadn't been in the room in a while. Sam got up to the side of the bed and rubbed at her eyes. Then, she got up to see where everyone else was. She found Lucy in the kitchen.

"Hey," she said then cleared her throat. Her voice was a little scratchy.

Lucy turned and smiled before turning back to her task. "Hey there sleepy. I was about to come wake you up."

"Yea? Why?" Sam pushed herself onto the counter of the island. Had her mom been with them, Sam would not have even thought to sit there. Her nap was lingering. Sam rubbed at her eyes again to try and wake herself up a little more.

"For starters, it's lunch time. I'm hungry and I was told you needed to eat." Lucy stepped to the side and gestured to the sandwiches she was making. "And second, your mom had to go into work and asked me to not let you sleep all day."

"I've been woken up for worse reasons in this house," she joked. Then, Sam changed subjects. "When do you think we can go back to National City?"

Lucy didn't answer right away. She finished making their lunch. After handing Sam a sandwich, she leaned her hip against the counter Sam was sitting on. "I think now that the whole invasion is over, we can go back whenever. That's more of a question for your mom and Alex though. They're the ones looking into your arm."

Sam nodded as she ate. She wanted to go back. Be in her apartment, in her city, in the life she made for herself. Being home wasn't horrible. She wouldn't even say it was bad at all but that didn't mean she wanted to stay there indefinitely. She felt like it was time to go back to _her_ home.

Normalcy was something Sam was desperate to get back. Even if it was as small a step as being back in her apartment or even National City. She felt up for it. Despite the naps, and aches and pains, Sam was feeling better. Good enough to not need a babysitter at least.

"I wanna go home," Sam announced. It was time. She took a bite of her sandwich and looked at Lucy as she waited for her response.

Lucy nodded as she chewed. Her tongue poked out to lick the corner of her lips. "I don't think that'd be such a bad idea. Talk to your mom about it when she gets back."


	121. Chapter 121

**A/N: Still no editing.**

Eliza didn't _have_ to go into work. She was the head of her department, on the board for the university, there was very little she _had_ to do. That didn't stop her from giving that excuse to Lucy.

The house was feeling smaller than it ever had. Smaller than when her full family, for that short year so long ago, inhabited it. The difference is that lately disappointment and frustration moved in. Eliza couldn't get anywhere with the samples from Sam's arm. No matter how she looked at it, what kind of environment she put it in. All she wanted, desperately, to do was help her daughter. There were so many things Eliza had never been able to help Sam with. This, a biological implant in her arm, was Eliza's field. This should be easy. This shouldn't be one of those things she couldn't help with.

With a sigh, Eliza pushed her microscope away and rubbed at her temples. She had gotten an idea from Lucy as the woman talked about a case she had worked on a few months back. Lucy had separated to witnesses that logically should have testified one after the other. She had explained that if separated, the jury would be able to make more inferences and assumptions for themselves before the whole story, a vague story, was put together for them. Eliza thought that maybe if she divided the samples the organism might act differently, give her more so she could make her own inferences and assumptions to test. No luck.

Her lab door opened and the sound of quickly halted steps followed. "Oh. Sorry, Dr. Danvers. I didn't know you were in today."

Eliza turned to look at one of her grad students. "It's okay, Frankie. I'm not supposed to be."

"Dr. Cody said you had some kind of family emergency? I don't mean to pry." Frankie set the rack of cleaned test tubes in their place. He wiped his hands on his jeans. "I hope everything is okay."

"Thank you. I hope so too."

Frankie lingered, like he had something more to say. Eliza had already turned back to her microscope. Maybe there was something else she could try. He seemed to think better of it. "Have a good day, Dr. Danvers."

"Same to you."

The rest of her day was spent with failed attempts to understand whatever Cadmus put into her daughter. The same organization that took her husband from her, tormented her other two daughters, and made her husband betray them. Then, because that wasn't enough, they took her baby just to torture and experiment on her. Eliza could do nothing to stop Cadmus in any of those situations. She was powerless and disgusted with herself. She could barely face Sam any more.

As the sun settled on the horizon, Eliza stretched her back and decided it was about time to head home. Her afternoon in the lab was a waste. No new information or advancement. As she packed up her things, Eliza tried her hardest to make the connection to what she might be missing. There was some link, a bridge to get to what she needed to know. She just needed to figure it out.

The thought that she could find it consumed her drive home. Radio off, windows up. Just the dulled hum of her tires on the road and her obsessive thoughts. Eliza didn't even register what streets she turned on as she got closer to home. She was no closer to a breakthrough when she turned the key in her ignition and got out to go in to the house.

She could hear Lucy and Sam talking in the living room. Eliza shrugged out of her light jacket and put her work bag in its place in her hall closet. Before going in to face her guests, although it often seemed weird to her to consider her children guests in her home now, Eliza took a minute to compose herself. It wouldn't do anyone any good for her to be a frustrated mess.

Eliza put on her best smile then stepped into the room. It became a little more genuine as she watched Sam scramble to put some space between Lucy like she was a teenager getting caught. Eliza decided to mess with her daughter a little.

"Am I interrupting?"

"What?" Sam's head snapped back as her face scrunched. "No. Why would you even ask that?"

One of Eliza's eyebrows inched up. "Your scrambling."

Lucy laughed. Sam completely ignored her but her face flushed. "Whatever. I didn't."

Eliza laughed a little at that. Her and Lucy shared a look. Both amused at Sam's antics. She took a seat in one of the arm chairs. They talked a bit about what they wanted for dinner, what Lucy and Sam did while Eliza was at the university. No one asked how her time in the lab went. She was thankful for that.

Awkwardly, Sam started, "Mom…I was thinking…"

It put Eliza on edge. The uneasiness in Sam's voice. The way she looked down before making eye contact. The pause was the worse. Sam seemed either unsure of what she was thinking or worried how Eliza was going to take it. With Sam, that was never a good thing.

"What is it, sweetie?"

"I think, uh…I think I'm ready to go back to National City. Is—is that okay?"

Eliza's heart cracked as she thought about an empty home. Sam's timid voice fractured it. She gave her daughter a sad smile. "Samantha, you've never needed my permission."

"No, I know, but I didn't wanna just like _leave_. You've been helping me a lot and it didn't seem like a good idea to do that to you. I just…ya know, wanted to talk to you about it."

Lucy reached across the minimal distance between them on the couch and rested her hand on Sam's leg. Eliza watched it and a little bit of her heartbreak went away. She had always worried about Sam. Not as much as she should've, or maybe she just didn't show it. She knew that now. But, especially the last ten years or so, Eliza always worried about Sam, if she would find someone to help her through. Whatever that looked like in her life. Now, it seemed like she did. The two could talk all they wanted about how they weren't in a relationship. Eliza knew one when she saw one. They were only fooling themselves.

"I appreciate the gesture but really, if you're ready to go home then you should go. Besides, we already decided that you needed Winn to check your arm out. I've done what I can and the next logical step is to go back to the city so the DEO can do their own tests."

"You're sure?"

"I'll miss you, of course, but yes. I'm sure. If you want to go back, go back. If you get back into the city and want to come home again, come home. You know that."

"Thanks Mom." Sam said softly. She smiled, gentle and still timid. Eliza felt the same in a sense. Neither of them were big on displays of affection. Not even as small as this. "For everything."

"Of course, Samantha. Now! Why don't we get started on dinner? I'm starving."

It was as good a distraction as she was going to get. They had decided on pizza, so Eliza busied herself with ordering it. She knew what Sam liked, but forgot to ask Lucy. With phone in hand, she went back to ask. Once everything was ordered, all there was to do was wait. Which Eliza did in the kitchen on some barely believable pretense that she needed to clean. Lucy and Sam left her alone though. Lucy offered to help but Eliza declined and after a look shared with Sam, her daughter stopped Lucy from insisting on giving her a hand. The quiet of the kitchen was a comfort. Eliza let the loneliness of it engulf her. She was used to it. A quiet house had been her life for years. She just had to reacquaint herself with it after the past almost week.


	122. Chapter 122

**A/N: No edit. Thanks for reading!**

Sam laid on her bed. Her actual bed. Not her childhood twin bed. Her grown up bed that Maggie gave her when she first moved into her apartment. She looked around. Everything looked foreign to her. When she came home from the hospital, her and Lucy stayed in her apartment long enough for Alex to tell them they were off to Midvale. Most of that time Sam was asleep. She wondered what made her sisters do this, decorate her apartment for her. Maybe they thought she never would? They weren't wrong. Not really. Sam would never do what they did, but she had been thinking about getting a couch. Now she had the whole she-bang. It was kind of nice. The quiet pressed in on her, forcing Sam to roll off the bed to turn some music on or something. This was the first time she was left by herself for any real amount of time.

Getting her sisters and Lucy to agree was worse than pulling teeth without Novocain. Unsurprisingly, Alex had been violently against the idea. Her and Sam had come to verbal blows, stopped only by Maggie dragging Alex out of the apartment. Sam's frustration with herself for mishandling Alex only made things worse when Lucy, in much more gentle tones, had the same reservations about Sam being alone.

Only Kara seemed to be on board. Her mediation skills weren't great, but she did her best and probably stopped Sam from saying something insanely stupid to Lucy and ruining everything. Kara had steered Lucy out of the apartment and told Sam to relax, get some rest.

It didn't make sense until Supergirl showed up five minutes later on Sam's fire escape. She knocked on the window and Sam rolled her eyes, almost not letting her in because Sam realized she'd been duped. Supergirl explained that she would be listening in on Sam when she was alone. If anyone came over, she'd stop but it was either Sam agreed to being audibly babysat or literally babysat. Neither were appealing but one was more so than the other. Sam agreed before closing the window in Supergirl's face.

That was at nine that morning. Now, Sam had no idea what to do. She had kind of gotten used to people being around. She also felt bad about how she acted with Lucy. Not that she was going to text her and apologize. Sam might feel bad, but she also felt justified in what she had been saying. At least, that's the reasoning she clung to. The bigger reason was that every time she thought about it, she got mad again. She was a grown woman. She could make decisions for herself.

Truth be told, her resolve was crumbling. She sat analyzing her words and behavior long enough for her anger to simmer down. Her stubbornness was barely chipped though. Sam always hadn't admitting when she was wrong. It was like insult to literal injury in her current state.

A big blow to her resolve was when Alex texted, two hours after Maggie had dragged her out. She apologized for getting so upset. She explained that she was having trouble turning off her over-protective big sister mode; she was just so relieved that have Sam back and even just a half thought that something might go south gave her anxiety. Thankfully, it was easy to be civil and still express herself over text. Sam responded that it felt like they were trying to smother her back to health and she understood it, maybe even appreciated it to some degree, but that didn't mean she liked it. They had ended with a promise to try and be better, that they loved each other. Easy.

What was not easy was that Lucy hadn't texted. Sam thought she would but then she also thought about the fact that this was Lucy's first day back to work since…Sam wasn't even sure. Like back to the office work which meant she was probably really busy. With her life. The life that Sam was still a part even though they were back in National City. Sam constantly reminded herself of that. Feeling so clingy was probably another reason she stubbornly refused to text Lucy to apologize. She would show no weakness. She would not let on that being back in National City with their normal lives freaked Sam out because the majority of her sort-of-not-quite relationship with Lucy was spent in the seclusion of Midvale. National City made her feelings for Lucy seem…different. Or, maybe that was just Sam being insecure. Still. Because those damn feelings wouldn't leave.

Sam thought that with time, the insecurities would dissipate. Before Cadmus, her life wasn't perfect, but she had a sense of who she was and where she was in life. After Cadmus, everything felt lost. Sam wasn't sure who she was. Agreeing to Lillian's plan for her to take out the DEO agents that infiltrated the warehouse threw Sam through the ringer. Her new and improved, unknown arm and biotech buddy put doubts into her mind about her future with the DEO, the one thing Sam knew she was good at. Time was only making these things worse.

A knock at her door pulled Sam away from trying to figure out the speaker she spotted on one of the shelves over her makeshift bedroom wall. Sam put the speaker down and went to answer it, not bothering to check the peephole.

"Hey Baby Danvers." Maggie smiled.

Sam returned the smile and stepped aside to let her friend in. "What's up, Maggie?"

"Nothing really. I had to take a late lunch and figured I'd stop in to see you. Do you mind?"

Sam shook her head. It was probably more of a check in than a social visit, but Sam was genuinely happy to see Maggie. Except for that night before Midvale, Sam hadn't seen Maggie at all since everything happened.

"Okay, good. Alex was worried you'd get mad, thinking I was just coming to check on you." Maggie brought her hands up in a shrug as she sat on a stool in the kitchen. "Which, I guess I kind of am, but I miss you too, kid. I wanted to see ya."

"I'm not mad." Sam shook her head again. She didn't sit next to Maggie but hopped up on the counter to face her. As happy as she was, Sam still needed a little distance. "You can come over whenever you want."

Maggie dipped her head and raised her eyebrows. Sam did her best to look innocent. "We both know that isn't true," Maggie said. "You, Sam Danvers, like your space and alone time. I don't think anyone can come over whenever they want. Maybe Lane, now that I think about it."

Sam rolled her eyes. She wondered how long before Maggie brought Lucy up. Once she caught hold of something, Maggie stuck to it. It made her a good detective and a nosy friend. She couldn't help but smile though. This felt normal. It felt good.

"Oh, come on. Tell me about it!" Maggie insisted.

With Maggie's insistence came a fresh wave of disappointment, insecurity, and guilt. Sam shrugged. "There's not a whole lot to tell."

"Bullshit."

"No, I'm serious."

"Why not?"

Sam hesitated, not sure if she wanted to talk about it or not. On one hand it might help. On the other it might cement the insecurities floating in Sam's head that she wasn't good enough and she didn't fit in Lucy's life. As she hesitated, Maggie sat patiently.

"There's just not."

The words were out without a cognitive decision made. It looked like Sam was going to deflect and wallow silently in her self-doubt. Great, she thought, really healthy decision.

"I'm not stupid, Sam. Something's up, and if you don't want to talk about, that's fine. Just, I'm here if you do." Maggie gave her a meaningful look, gave it a second to sink in. Then, she changed the subject. "So, how are you feeling?"

"Antsy."

"Really?" That seemed to surprise her. "Why don't you get back to work then?"

"Alex."

"Ah." Maggie nodded like it made perfect sense. And, for anyone who knew Alex, it did.

"She wants me to wait some more. I told her she gets a week."

"That's probably a good idea. There's no need to rush."

"What about you, bride-to-be?" Sam smiled at Maggie's slight confusion. She obviously wasn't expecting Alex to tell anyone.

"She told you?"

"Yea." Sam nodded. "I think not telling anyone was killing her."

"Well, yea but we didn't wanna be insensitive to Kara. You know?"

"Totally get it."

Maggie looked down then up, finally smiling about it. "I was really surprised she asked."

"Fuck." Sam laughed. "I was too when she told me. But Maggie." Sam waited for her to look at her again, making sure that this sank in for her friend. "I'm glad it's you."

"Me too, kid." Maggie checked her watch then got up. "I gotta get back to the station. If you wanna talk about Lane, you know how to get ahold of me."

Sam walked Maggie to the door. Not a necessity in her small apartment but some of her upbringing did make it through her turbulent teenage years. Instead of leaving when the door was open, Maggie paused and faced Sam. Then, she pulled her into a tight hug. It wasn't long but definitely unexpected. Sam froze before wrapping her arms around Maggie's waist and relaxing her shoulders where Maggie's arms rested.

"I'm happy you're okay, Sam." Maggie let go and stepped back. She chuckled at herself. "Sorry. I just…I'm really happy you're okay."

"You don't have to be sorry."

"I'll see you around, Baby Danvers."

"Bye Maggie."

Sam shut the door with a heavy breath. That conjured more feeling than she thought it would. She knew people were happy to have her back. That was the whole issue she was having with Alex, that her sister is so happy and relieved that she's put Sam on a dangerously short leash. Lucy said she was happy Sam was back. Kara and her mom too. James and Winn. But for some reason, Maggie expressing it hit Sam hard.

To distract herself, she went back to the speaker she had been messing with before Maggie showed up. It took her awhile, but Sam figured it out. Leave it to her sisters to not keep the direction on how to link anything to the speaker. She threw on an old playlist and hit the volume up button a few times. Sam closed her eyes as the music took up all the space in her apartment.

Sometime later, when Sam was trying to push herself through a book, there was another knock on the door. She glanced at the clock as she got up to answer it. Six o'clock. Alex wasn't due to be off for another hour. Maggie had texted Sam when she clocked out to see if she needed anything. Kara had flown by three or four, it was definitely four when Sam thought about, times throughout the day to check on her. They had been short visits was the only thing that kept Sam's sanity. It also kept Sam worried. Kara had never been a short visit type of girl. Sam set that aside as she pulled the door open.

There hadn't been time to register who it was because all of Sam's attention was forced to the brown takeout bag thrust into her hands. She looked up to see it was Lucy. A coil of apprehension popped in Sam's shoulders. Relief flooded the area. Lucy didn't ask to come in. She just did. All while talking like nothing happened that morning.

"I was so busy at the office. I'm sorry I didn't call or anything. It was honestly like a zoo. You'd think they'd be able to handle me being gone but I guess not."

Sam kicked the door shut and stayed there as she watched Lucy move around her apartment. She shrugged out of her jacket and kicked her shoes off. Then, she was in the kitchen going through cabinets.

"Next to the fridge," Sam said.

"Thanks." Lucy redirected to that cabinet and started pulling down dinnerware. "Mike is still kind of new, so I get it, he gets a pass, but my other three lawyers are not. Luke has been doing this as long as I have for crying out loud! I would've thought he could keep his shit."

The barrage of words, the surprise of Lucy being there, it left Sam a little shell-shocked. She stood in the same spot, still watching Lucy and holding the takeout bag by the bottom with two hands like she was presenting it. Lucy turned around with the plates to set the island, Sam's only eating surface. She looked at Sam, confused.

"What are you doing?"

Sam blinked. "Uh, nothing." She half scoffed, half laughed at herself and took their dinner into the kitchen. Setting the bag on the counter, Sam started taking its contents out. "I didn't realize you had people working with you."

"You thought it was just me at the office?"

"No." Sam shook her head. "I didn't even think about where you worked. I don't know. It makes sense and it was pretty dumb of me, but I don't know. Just didn't I guess."

"Well, now you know."

Lucy had picked up Noonan's. That excited Sam. She hadn't been there…well, like everything else about her life, she hadn't been there since before Cadmus. An unsettling thought that usually soured Sam's mood; not wanting to ruin things like she had that morning, Sam ignored it.

"Thanks for dinner."

"Of course."

Sam took a bite of her burger and chewed slowly. She thought that Lucy would start up again, but they sat in silence. When she swallowed, Sam said, "Where's your office?"

"The business sector." Lucy smiled as Sam shrugged. "Why am I not surprised? It's by the Luthor Corp building."

"Oh. Yea, I know where that is."

"You and everyone else in this city," Lucy teased. "I'm two streets over. We rent a floor of the old Wayne building."

Another lull. Sam wasn't quite sure what to say to that. So, she took another bite, hoping Lucy would say something. No luck.

"It's a, uh…nice building," Sam tried. It fell flat in her ears so it must have for Lucy too.

And it did. Lucy gave a little sigh and put her burger down. She wiped her hands on her napkin then looked at Sam.

"I thought I could get through dinner, but I can't. I feel weird. It's making you weird. So, let's just talk." She gave a short pause to let her words sink in. "I'm still upset about this morning."

There it was. The elephant in the room. Her behavior from the morning was exactly what Sam didn't want to talk about. It hadn't been pretty. It wasn't her finest hour. Alex had pissed her off and she took it out on Lucy. Not cool. Not that Sam wanted to admit that or admit any wrong-doing on her part. She never did and never would. It made her bristle.

"Nothing to say?"

Sam shrugged. "Alex made me mad, and you just agreed with her."

"Because she was making sense!" Lucy scoffed with a shake of her head. "Do I agree with how she expressed her concern? No. No, I don't, but I still think it's too soon for you to be on your own."

"But, I'm fine."

"No, you're not. I'm sorry, but you're not. You were taken hostage for weeks and they put you through hell. No one can be fine after that."

Wrong answer. Sam puffed up in defense. Her face screwed up like she sucked on a lemon.

"Like you know what I'm feeling. You have no fucking idea what I'm feeling. So, get off your goddamn high horse and mind your own fucking business."

"No." Lucy shook her head. "We're not doing this. You're going to calm down and we're going to talk like adults."

"Or what? You're in my apartment. If you don't like it, you can fucking leave." Sam pointed. "There's the door."

"Fine." Lucy threw down her napkin and stood up. She glared at Sam. "When you're ready to grow the hell up, you know how to reach me."

Then she was gone. No other words, no door slam. Just gone. Heat ran up Sam's spine. She shoved away from the island and kicked over one of the stools. Her fingers buzzed, and her chest expanded until it was too tight. She wanted to scream. She wanted to fight. She wanted to rage against every rational thought in her mind.

Sam paced the small length of her apartment, breathing fast. How could she react like that? It wasn't like what Lucy was saying was so ridiculous. Sam had been taken hostage. A traumatic event. Her captures were abusive at best. Another bullet point under traumatic. She had severe physical trauma from her time with Cadmus. The word trauma was even in that one; no brainer. So, no. Sam should not be left alone because she was pretty fucked up.

One thing that was not helping: admitting how not fine she was. Not thinking, Sam pulled back and left her left fist crash onto her coffee table…breaking it in two. The sight and feel of the table breaking under hand was enough to snap her out of it. She stared at the ruin remains then at her hand. That wasn't normal.


	123. Chapter 123

**A/N:** **Sorry for the big gap in posting!** **I couldn't upload any documents in order to post for like a week. It's all better now. Thanks for reading and I hope you're still enjoying the ride. (I'm still not really editing. Sorry!)**

The first person Sam called was Alex. No answer but she left a message. Vague and a little panicked. The first person she saw was Kara…as Supergirl. She was definitely keeping her promise of listening in. She swooped in Sam's window at top speed, holding Sam by her shoulders. Those too blue eyes held Sam's for barely a second before they were darting over her body, looking for some sort of problem.

"What happened?"

Sam stared at her, not expecting to see her at all, let alone so quick. Being caught off guard was the only reason it took Sam so long to shove away from Kara.

"Sam, what happened? What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Why the hell are you here? Get out."

"No. Not until you tell me what's got you so freaked out."

Kara saw the table. Her brows came together. The edges were frayed, and cracks leeched into the two halves. Shards of wood covered the rug.

"What happened?"

"Nothing."

"You have to talk to me, Sam. I can't help if you don't tell me what's going on."

"When did I say I wanted your help?"

It wasn't right to take this out on Kara. She was only being a protective, present sister. She was being exactly what Sam always wanted. That didn't stop Sam from going through with it. She dug out all of her old feelings toward Kara and her animosity toward Alex, clung to her frustration with Lucy, and her self-hatred for giving into Cadmus. She was all fire and rage, and let herself be.

Kara took a step back like the words forced her to. "I'm…I didn't…What the hell, Sam?"

"No." Sam scoffed and fought to find her old self. The Sam who thought conflict was funny and didn't give a single damn about the consequences of her actions or who got hurt in the process. She was cruel and hard, words lashing out. "You came into my apartment, uninvited. I think it's more like what the hell, Kara? Or is it Supergirl when you're all suited up? I've never been real sure what the proper etiquette here was."

Kara didn't respond. She seemed to shrink. The reaction only bolstered Sam. She puffed up once more that night, grabbing hold of the power Kara gave her. The first feeling of power she's had since Cadmus made her family decide who was going with them.

"I don't even know why you're here. You're gonna save _me_?" Sam laughed. A few stuttered chuckles. "Even though you couldn't save Mon-El. Wow. I'm really feeling safe now. Thank god you're here, right?"

Kara shrank even more. She looked away from Sam. Sam ignored the tears she could see welling in Kara's blue eyes. She felt bad enough. She didn't need Kara feeling guilty. What she needed was Kara feeling worse than she felt. Sam _needed_ to drive Kara into the ground. She also drove her own guilt into the ground with her sister.

Sam needed to fight. She needed to rage and fight and decimate someone. _Any_ one. It didn't matter that it was Kara. It didn't matter that Kara was going through hell. It didn't matter that Sam loved Kara. It would matter in the morning but not right then. Sam needed to feel some modicum of power. She had none. She needed something.

"Just fucking leave, Kara. I don't want you here and it's not like you can do anything anyway, so just fucking leave."

And her sister did just that. In a blur of color, Kara was gone. Sam ignored the pull of her soul. She ignored the way her face dropped from its iron expression. Instead, she focused on her next drink. Her first drink. She'd had no alcohol since…well, since before all of the things she was relating to the last time she'd had them: Cadmus. She didn't have any beer but that was preferable. Liquor would be faster. Sam yanked the old bottle of whiskey from its cabinet. She poured it into a fourth of a cup and threw it back. Her eyes slammed shut and she coughed but pushed through. One shot. Two shots. Three shots. After that she took from drinking from the bottle.

Speed and oblivion were her focuses. As she threw herself onto the couch, bottle in hand, Sam thought about a past conversation with Lucy. One in which Lucy told her to be careful about her drinking. Just to spite her, Sam took a long pull from the bottle. Even as her eyes closed, and her taste buds rebelled from the poison she was exposing them to, she drank. Everyone could go fuck themselves. Sam was going to do what she wanted to do. No one would dictate her actions. No one would own Sam. Sam owned Sam. She was the master of her fate. She was in the driver seat. Sam was Sam. Sam needed to be Sam.

A thought came to her. Her hands flexed, and her knuckles ached, and Sam had just enough alcohol in her system to think it was a good idea. At least enough in her system to not stop her as she pulled shoes on and stormed out of her apartment.

She stumbled down the street. The liquor hadn't made it all the way into her system yet but it had been so long since she drank that Sam was feeling it quicker than she used to. She felt her phone buzz in her pocket. Only once. A text. There were only a few people it could be and there would be money to be made betting it was Alex yelling at her. Another buzz, another text. More buzzing which meant a phone call. Sam ignored them all.

The first neon signs she came across were as good as any other ones she would find. Sam pushed the door open and stepped into smoke and dim lights. The bar wasn't packed but there were still a lot of people. Sam shouldered her way to the bar and ordered a drink. As she sipped, she turned to survey the room. Two guys playing pool, loudly, caught her eye. Easy targets. Sam finished her beer then pushed off from the table.

"I got twenty bucks to play winner." She flashed the bill. The guys shrugged at each other.

"You can play right now." The taller one replied. He nodded toward his friend. "You can play Jake."

And they played. More than just pool. Sam was playing her own game that she perfected years ago. Instigating a fight without seeming like that was the plan was her specialty. A few well-played rounds and some well-timed trash talking was all it took. She beat the guy with four of his solids still on the felt. She smirked at him.

"I thought you were actually good at this when I came over." Sam scoffed. "I'm trashed, and I still kicked your ass."

"Classy." His friend answered for him with a roll of his eyes. "Come on, dude. Let's go."

Jake pushed his friend's hands off him. "No. Someone needs to teach her some manners. No one likes a bitch."

"Now, who's the classy one?"

"You're not helping." The friend glared at her.

"That's been the general plan and Jakey, here, walked right into it. Not the brightest."

Her words were starting to slur. Sam had a moment to wonder if she drank too much before Jake took a step at her with his arm cocked back. His friend was quicker than both of them. He grabbed her attacker by the waist and the arm.

"Knock it off, Jake." He pulled and pushed his friend. "Let's go."

"Fuck you." Jake spat over his friend's shoulder. Sam calmly flipped him the bird.

Not that she was feeling what she was portraying. Her world was tilting around her. The ground was moving, her vision was falling, and she was hearing everything from underwater. She needed to get outside. Getting outside was harder than getting to the bar. More people were in her way. Sam pushed and shouldered and stumbled her way out. There were more fights to be had if she had been paying attention. Good thing she wasn't. In her state, Sam would have gotten her ass handed to her.

She put her hands on the brick wall several feet away from the bar entrance. Her forehead in between her hands. Her breathing was deep but not enough. There was a good chance Sam was going to be sick. But she breathed through it, grounding herself with the brick under her hands. She slipped down into a crouch, still leaning heavily on the building.

What was wrong with her? Lucy tried to have an adult conversation with her and Sam stonewalled her. Kara had shown up, worried, and Sam ran her out. They cared about her, and Sam hadn't cared at all. She was angry, and she was insecure, and she was scared. She _wanted_ to be angry. It was the easiest thing to give in to. Anger was so damn easy. Anger was easier than self-pity. Anger was easier than insecurity. Anger was a lot fucking easier than admitting that Sam was playing with half a deck. She was scared, and she was tired, and she was sad, and she was so. fucking. angry.

But not at Lucy. Definitely not at Kara. That didn't stop her from taking it out on them. Which was wrong. It was what she would have done before. Everything about her decisions that night was the old Sam. She had fought to become someone else and now she was letting her fear revert her back to someone she didn't like too much.

Sam pawed at her pocket until she was able to get her phone out. She ignored the notifications on her home screen. They were too blurry to read anyway. She managed her way to Kara's contact and clicked it. After a few attempts, the call was ringing through. First, she got voicemail. Second, she went straight to voicemail. Third, Sam left a message.

"Kara. I'm sorry. I don't know why I was so mean…"

There was no reason for her to lie. She shook her head, the brick irritating her forehead where it still leaned on the building. Her thoughts were too slow or too fast. She couldn't tell.

"No. Wait. I do know why but it doesn't matter. Nothing should ever make me act like that. I'm sorry. I'm really, really, really sorry."

Sam didn't hang up, but she didn't say anything else. Her hand, phone still in it, dropped from her ear. After a moment, she lifted it again and hit end. Immediately, she called again. And again. Then she gave up. Kara didn't want to talk to her. That was okay. She didn't deserve to be forgiven. Not after she treated Kara just because she wanted to feel good about herself. And did Sam feel good? No. She felt worse. So, why in the hell did she do that?

Sam pushed herself away from the wall and used it to steady herself as she stood. She had another apology to make but she wasn't up to it. Instead, she called Alex. That call was answered immediately.

 _"Where are you?"_

Sam blinked and looked around. "Some bar."

 _"That doesn't really help, Sam. Look around and tell me what's around you."_

She did as Alex asked. "It's called McMillin's. Uh, across the street there's a butcher shop and an apartment building. And then there's a warehouse and dock entrance and…uh, that's it."

 _"Stay right there. I'm coming to get you."_

Alex hung up an Sam sat down, leaning her back against the wall. She was going to be in trouble. The tone of Alex's voice told her as much. Not that she cared too much. She was too drunk to care. Anyways, she deserved it.

Sam had no idea how long she waited. She sat with her knees pulled to her chest, elbows across them and head down on top. Two hands pulled her roughly up. Sam pushed away before she looked who it was. She slammed back into the bricks behind her.

"Stop. It's me." She looked at Alex in front of her. Not looking happy at all. "Get in the car."

"You have to take me to Kara's."

"No. Not tonight."

"I'm not going unless you take me to Kara's. I'll stay here all damn night."

Alex huffed. "Fine. I'll take you. Just get in the damn car."

As they drove, Sam's head lulled back on the head rest. Her neck was rubbery and useless. Her forehead collided with the window as Alex took a turn.

"Jesus, Sam." Alex's hand pulled lightly on her shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"I need you to roll down the window."

"Please tell me you are not going to be sick." Her hand left Sam's shoulder and the window dragged down Sam's forehead as it disappeared into the door. Before letting her head fall onto the door, Sam pushed herself up and leaned her elbow there with her head in hand.

"I don't think so. I'm just…I'm really hot."

"Why'd you drink so much?"

Alex was annoyed. Like she couldn't understand why Sam would do this to herself. Sam knew perfectly well that Alex knew. They shared this bad habit after all. But, Alex had stopped. Or cut down. Whichever. It didn't even matter if Alex could understand. The drinking wasn't what Sam had to make them understand. It was why she did what she did and that she didn't mean it and that she's sorry and would do anything to take it back and she just fucking hurts.

"Because I can't handle anything."

Alex didn't say anything at first. She obviously wasn't expecting an honest answer. The silence gave Sam the drunken courage to keep going.

"I'm making the same stupid mistakes I used to and it's all because I can't handle what happened." Sam shifted her head, closed her eyes. The lights passing them by were making her dizziness worse. "I ran Lucy out of my apartment when all she did was try to talk to me. And I was just a fucking asshole. Then, I broke that table and Kara was there and it was so easy. So damn fucking easy. I was so mean just because I knew how.

"That's not okay. I shouldn't've. I know that. I _know_ that. I just…I couldn't help it. It was like…it…Kara's…she's Kara. I knew she wouldn't stop me and I knew exactly what to say. I felt…it doesn't matter. I'm really sorry. I just want to tell her I'm sorry."

"I don't think tonight's the right time though. I'll take you over in the morning. Okay?"

"No." Sam sat up and turned to Alex, having to pause and blink hard. She took a deep breath. Their conversation forgotten. "Pull over."

Alex did without any questions. Before the car came to a complete stop, Sam threw open the door and stumbled out. One hand slammed into the wall of some building before her shoulder followed suit. Her knees were close to buckling with the force of her stomach purging itself. It was short. She coughed a few times and tried to suck in some breath before another wave forced more out.

It'd been a long time since Sam threw up from drinking. She had perfected the alcohol to oblivion ratio without error. She pushed herself up-right using the wall and took a deep breath, running a hand down her face and wiping her mouth at the end of it. She felt better though. That was always one perk.

"You okay?" Sam nodded, her eyes still closed. The world moved less than it had a few minutes before. "Let's get going then."

"Not unless you promise to take me to Kara's."

Sam looked around them. She was pretty sure she knew where she was. It was hard to make out the street plaques in her state and distance from them. Alex had been driving toward her apartment, not Kara's. They weren't too far from Kara's though.

"If you won't take me, I'll walk. That's fine. But, I'm doing this tonight. It can't wait to morning, not after what I said."

Sam was disappointed with the way her words felt coming out. They were still slurring and running together. She thought feeling better would mean she could speak better, and she could but only marginally. She was still drunk off her ass.

Alex sighed. She looked down the street then back at Sam. Maybe trying to gauge how serious that threat was. She sighed again. This time more like a huff of defeat.

"Fine but if you make it worse, I'll kick your ass, Sam. She's not in a good place right now, and I know you aren't either. You guys don't need to make this harder for yourselves."

"I kn-know. Okay? I know. That's why I wanna I go."

The ride to Kara's was short. They were closer than Sam thought they were. Which probably meant it was a good thing she didn't try to walk there. Who knows where she would've ended up. Alex parked in front of Kara's building and turned her hazards on.

"I think I should wait down here. I'll only try to get in the middle if I go up."

Sam nodded. She didn't get out. Now that they were there, it seemed like a much more daunting task she'd set for herself. She'd royally messed up. There was a hurt, pissed off Kryptonian she was going to try and talk to. To top it off, she was going to willingly admit she was wrong.

Alex didn't rush her out. They sat quietly in the car. Sam hoped the extra time would help her sober up, but she knew that wasn't going to happen. The world around her still had the stuffy, narrowed feel of drunk. Maybe that was better. She could be honest as hell and blame it on the alcohol in the morning. It could be the scapegoat she needed to say what she needed to.

That gave her the boast needed to get out of the car and up to Kara's door. There she hesitated again. The weight of what she did to Kara settled on her. Sam let it sink in and let herself feel the guilt and disappointment. She felt it as deeply as drinking too much uniquely allowed. More than an apology was needed. Only an apology, not watered down, was needed. Sam wasn't sure how she was going to go about it. She just knew she needed to make this right with Kara. No matter what she said, she had to make it right. Kara deserved more.

It took several separate rounds of knocking for Kara to answer the door. And it was probably the yelling and volume of the knocking that got her to answer. It was late. She has neighbors.

Kara didn't say anything to Sam. She just opened the door and walked away, door still open. Sam followed. She shut the door behind her extra careful after all the noise she made.

Kara stood in her living room, facing the TV. The news was playing on mute. Her apartment was darker than Sam ever remembered it being. The curtains were drawn. Almost all the lights were off. The lights over her table were on and dimmed. The space was immaculately clean. Sam expected that. Kara had always turned to cleaning to keep her busy when she was upset and had nothing else to do.

"I, uh, thought you would've been out patrolling the city."

"Then why'd you come?"

Sam winced. Kara was a little colder than she expected. "Because I need to apologize to you."

"No, you were right. There's no need to apologize for that."

"Kara," Sam sighed out. "I wasn't right. I was angry and knew exactly what to say to hurt you. None of it was true. I never should have said any of it. I'm sorry."

Sam stood by the door still. Kara stood facing the TV still. She wasn't responding. Sam felt like she wasn't going to. Her heart beat picked up and she felt some panic settle in. What if this was the final straw for Kara? This is what broke them beyond repair. Sam mentally and physically shook herself. That was the alcohol talking. She could get Kara to listen to her. She walked further into her sister's apartment.

"Kara." Nothing. She didn't acknowledge Sam, now standing right behind her. "Kara, come on. Talk to me. Please."

"Why, Sam?" She turned on her, doing her best to bear down on Sam. "So, you can talk down to me some more? Tear me down even more?"

"No." Sam shook her head. "So, I can apologize and do whatever you want me to to make it up."

Kara looked broken standing in front of her. Everything about her screamed scared and sad. It made Sam want to hug her. She didn't. She knew when Kara needed space. They might not have always got along but they had a better understanding of each other than most would think.

"I am so sorry."

"You're drunk."

"That doesn't matter. Kara, I'll tell you exactly why I said those things if you want. I'll go into every stupid detail but first and foremost, without any fucking excuses, I am sorry. I shouldn't have said those things. I shouldn't have acted like that. You're my sister and I love you."

There was more quiet. Kara wasn't going to accept it. Sam would have to fight harder. And, that was fine. She would stay in the trenches the rest of her life if it would get Kara to forgive her. She _needed_ Kara to forgive her. Because Kara's forgiveness would give Sam something more important than control. It would give her Kara.

"I do wanna know."

"What?"

Sam's drunk mind had been so preoccupied with Kara not forgiving her that she forgot what had been said. Kara's expression hardened, she shook her head. Sam scrambled to figure out why.

"Of course. I should've known you wouldn't actually tell me. Don't say you will then, Sam."

"No. No no no. Wait. I just…I wasn't…I forgot, okay? What do you wanna know? I'll tell you whatever you want. I just need you to forgive. Or, no. Not you forgive me. I need you to understand how sorry I am and how bad I feel and how much I wish I could take it away. I didn't want– no. I did want to hurt you. I thought it would make me feel better. It didn't. I was a fucking idiot. I don't know what I was thinking. And, I'm sorry."

"I want to know what made you say those things." Kara paused. "And I want to know why you think they aren't true."

Sam had to look away from her sister. She pointed at her couch. "Can we sit?"

Kara nodded and perched on the edge. She was rigid. Her hands were wrapped together carefully in her lap. Her glasses were on the coffee table. Sam noticed that for the first time. The focus had immediately been on getting Kara to listen. She hadn't taken the time to look at anything else, not once she got to her sister. Sam stood up and paced. Kara watched her.

"It's…I said it because of Cadmus. It all goes back to them. I feel guilty because of what they almost made me do. I feel scared because I don't know what they did to me or what it means for the rest of my life. I feel weak because I couldn't stop any of it and that makes me feel pathetic. I have no control over anything. I don't…" Sam stopped and drilled holes into Kara's floor with her stare. "I don't really know who I am any more and what any of this means.

"Everything's different, and not in a good way. Before, ya know, after we got used to being in each other's lives again, things were different in a good way. We were getting along, and I knew what everything meant. I felt good.

"Now, everyone treats me like I'm made of glass. Or dangerous. And maybe I am." Sam's voice cracked. It was still scratched from throwing up earlier. She swallowed, remembering and being a little disgusted. "I said those terrible things to you because I knew they would hurt you. I knew exactly how deep they would cut and how you would react. I _knew_ it. I had control. I felt like I was losing and saying those things made me feel like I wasn't."

Sam stopped moving, stopped talking. She looked at her sister. Kara looked back, looking numb and defeated.

"For a moment. I felt like I wasn't losing for a moment. Then I was angry, and I clung to that because it used to be enough. I thought it could be again. I was wrong, and I dragged you down with me. That wasn't right. None of what I just said makes it okay or makes it less terrible but that's why."

"I feel terrible too, Sam." Kara said quietly. "Everything feels terrible. I get it. But, that doesn't mean you can be an asshole."

"I-I know. That's why I'm here. I shouldn't've said it. I'd do anything to take it back and I won't do it again."

"Yes, you will."

"No…" Sam shook her head, confused. Kara's soft tone and her lack of emotion. It wasn't what Sam thought this would be like. "I just said I wouldn't."

"You will, Sam. This is how you deal with things. You tear people down and pretend you don't feel anything." Kara stood. "I appreciate the apology and I'm glad you told me all those things about how you feel, but you'll do it again."

She was so detached. Calm and hallow. Sam hadn't seen this side of Kara. She must have been hiding it to help Sam through all the Cadmus shit. It only made Sam feel worse. And more worried.

"Kara…I–"

"Don't worry about it, Sam. Just," Kara paused with a shrug, "go home. It's fine."

Kara walked away from Sam. Something she had never done. Not once. Even when Sam had been at her worst. Sam had walked away, she had ran away but never Kara. Not until tonight. Kara walked away and closed the bathroom door behind her. Sam stood there long enough to hear the shower come on.

She nodded once to herself and said, quietly, "Right."

It had always seemed impossible to push Kara away. She was like a puppy, always slinking back in to give some kind of comfort. No matter how many times Sam had yelled or ran, Kara always tried to be there for her. But here was the breaking point.

Sam tried to ignore how that felt. Her walk back down to Alex was the heaviest she's ever felt. In her self-despair, Sam wondered if Alex would even still be waiting. Sam wouldn't have blamed her if she left. It was best if people left her. She just dragged them down. She was a horrible person who shoved people away in cruel ways. She deserved to be left.

But, Alex was still there, scrolling on her phone. The light illuminated her face, her cheek resting on her knuckles. Sam stood there watching her. She tried to pull herself together before she got into the car. That didn't go well. Maybe if Alex hadn't looked over, it might have. As soon as Alex's eyes met Sam's, she broke down. The tears she hadn't noticed flooded over and she crumbled.

The street around her blurred out, this time not from drinking too much. Sam gasped out a sob and tried to pull in some air. Alex was hauling her up a second later.

"Come on, Sam." She said gently. "Not here. Let's go home."

"No, you don't understand." She whimpered out. "I fucked up."

"Yea, you do that." Alex replied, not unkindly. "But you always figure out how to make it okay. You'll figure it out this time too."

Sam didn't fight Alex as she got her into the car, but she didn't help either. She was too absorbed in her pity party. Two car doors shut, then they were moving. Sam didn't remember the rest. Whether it was because she fell asleep or she just drank too much, she didn't know. It didn't matter. The next morning, she woke up with a blinding headache, broken heart, and shattered soul. The only saving grace she found was turning over to see Alex in bed with her. Alex was still with her. She hadn't left her. Not yet. That had to count for something.


	124. Chapter 124

Alex woke up to an empty bed. She flung the blankets off her, not getting very far as they tangled in her legs. As she woke up, she stopped and took stock of the apartment. It was quiet but not silent. She could hear something faint coming from the main part of apartment. Nothing she could place but there was movement. Sam. Alex looked through the gaps in her shelving wall and saw Sam's back; she was sitting on a stool at the island. Alex untangled herself carefully and took a deep breath before going out to her sister. There was no telling what Sam she was going to get after last night.

There was no reaction as Alex went into the kitchen. She allowed it. As she got down a mug from the cabinets, Alex left Sam alone. Not even looking her way. The tea kettle was on one of the burners, steam snaking out of it. That explained the clinking she thought she heard. It hadn't clicked for Alex until then since Sam didn't drink coffee. Now, the hot coffee waiting for Alex did confuse her. Since Sam didn't drink coffee.

When she turned to ask about it, Sam was already looking at her, waiting. Alex missed a step in her question but found it without too much of a stumble. "What's with the coffee? I thought you didn't drink it."

"I don't. Uh, Lucy does. She brought it over after we got back from Midvale." Sam looked down with a mix of a smile and grimace. "She was planning on staying with me the first few nights."

"Makes sense." Alex stirred her creamer in then placed the spoon next to the sink. She leaned her forearms onto the island, cradling her cup in both hands. It put her very close to Sam who was directly across the island.

There were two options: Alex dives into last night or she lets Sam. Both had their merits. If Alex starts the conversation, then Sam is off the hook and they get it over with. But, Sam had never responded well to being forced into a conversation. Letting Sam start, when she's ready, was safer. But, she might not start. Alex didn't have to debate long. Sam surprised her.

"Listen," She looked down again then forced her way back up to look directly at Alex, "I'm sorry about last night."

"I don't think I'm the one you have to apologize to."

"Maybe not for, ya know, anything I said to you, but I still owe you an apology. You shouldn't have to deal with me like that."

"Sam, don't. You're my sister. I'll always be there to help you."

"And I appreciate that but seriously, you should not have to deal with me like _that._ "

Alex wondered what she meant. It wasn't the first time she had dealt with a drunk Sam. It wasn't the first time she had dealt with an emotionally incomprehensible Sam either. Maybe the first time she had seen Sam break down that way but that wasn't hard. Hard to witness, yea. It broke Alex's heart to see her sister so distraught and broken but it wasn't hard for her to be there.

"I'm not following you. You're gonna have to explain. And by that, I mean explain the whole night. What happened? What was that voicemail about?"

Sam sighed. She slid off the stool and grabbed her mug. "I'm gonna need a refill first."

It was stalling but Alex let her have it. She sipped her coffee and shifted to lean back against the counter in order to face her sister. Quietly, Sam turned the burner on. She kept her back to Alex as it started to heat up. Seconds slipped by as steam slipping through the spout of the kettle. Then it started shrieking. Sam was quick to pull it off and pour. As her tea bag steeped, she turned around. She crossed her arms tightly. One foot was resting on top of the other. Her body language put Alex on edge. It didn't feel like this was going to go well.

"I, uh…it's probably best if we start with yesterday morning, like after you left. I got into it with Lucy. She was agreeing with you and I was still hyped up from, ya know, you and I that I snapped at her too. Kara stepped in and then Lucy left. I didn't talk to her all day. It put me on edge and then, she showed up. With dinner."

Alex sipped and listened. She was sorry to hear that their argument caused one between Sam and Lucy. But, that was on Sam. She couldn't, and wouldn't, shoulder the blame for that. That wasn't what Sam was going for anyway. Her sister's tone was subdued, remorseful. It wasn't hard or resentful. She was taking responsibility for herself. It was nice to see.

"It was good. At first. Like really briefly. I was acting weird because of that morning and Lucy could tell. So, she just jumped in. I didn't handle it well. Same old Sam." She a hard, humorless laugh. Somewhere between a chuckle and scoff. Alex watched her jaw flex as she clenched it, then Sam was turning and preparing her tea.

It was quiet until Alex prompted, "What happened?"

"I snapped." Sam's shoulders bounced up. Her head down and her hands working steadily. Alex knew just what she was doing. Sam drank tea like their mom. Milk, a little honey, and too much sugar.

"Lucy was saying I wasn't okay and you were right, it's too soon for me to be here on my own. I didn't like it because she _is_ right. So are you. Which means I'm wrong and we know how much I like that."

Alex smiled at the joke. It wasn't funny, but it was nice to see Sam admitting it, and doing so lightly. There was still tension in the room. This was going to be a long, hard talk, but it was relieving that it seemed like they were actually going to have it.

"I was an asshole and told her to get out. She did. Then, uh…That happened." Sam nodded her head toward the living room.

Alex turned and looked at the mess. It looked like Sam had tried to clean it up but wasn't very successful. The wood splinters and pieces were just in a small pile.

"I tried to clean up this morning, but it seemed really loud. And…" Sam trailed off. Alex looked back.

Her sister looked uncomfortable. She wasn't looking at Alex. Her mug was on the counter still, with the milk, honey, and sugar. Sam stood with her left arm was across her stomach, under her chest with her right laying over it. Her hand cradling her elbow. Power of body language. Alex needed Sam to say it though.

"And what?"

"My arm hurts."

She nodded and put her mug down. She stepped closer to Sam, gesturing for permission to check it out. Sam nodded, dropping her right arm and holding her left out a little. Alex took it. She moved it at the elbow, wrist. She held both as she raised Sam's arm to work the shoulder joint. Sam grimaced and that was enough for Alex.

"It's still healing. Even though it looks fine, it isn't. If I'm assuming correctly, I think you irritated it last night with the table stunt. You did hit the table, right? Because either it's your left arm or you body slammed it WWE-style."

Sam gave a small smile. A small win. Alex returned it. "I hit it."

"I hate ask. Really, I do, Sam, but is that a normal response or…?"

Sam scoffed. "Really? Is a violent outburst a normal response? It's like you don't even know me."

"Please give me a straight answer. As far as we can tell, your little biotech buddy isn't affecting you psychologically but we don't know enough to rule it out. So, please, was that reaction out of the norm for you?"

"No." Sam said quietly.

"Okay." Alex nodded and stepped back. She could see Sam relax with the space. She turned for her mug and walked around the island to take a seat. Alex turned with her. "I never thought I'd be relieved to hear you say you have anger problems."

"I don't feel any different, Alex. At least not because of my little buddy."

"What happened after the table?"

"Kara came over. She told Lucy, and I'm sure you too but, she was listening in on me while I was on my own. Just making sure I was okay. Normal Kara stuff. So, when she felt me freaking out, she came over. I don't think she was fully listening in because she was asking me what was wrong."

"She wasn't." Alex shook her head. "Just your heartbeat. She didn't want to invade your privacy too much."

Sam's brow sunk together. She nodded slowly and took a long drink. Alex could tell she felt even worse with that extra courtesy Kara extended her. "Yea, well. She was here, and I wasn't expecting it. Then I got mad and took it out on her."

"You told me."

"Did I tell you all of it? That I said all of those things because I knew it would hurt her."

"More or less, yea."

"Well, let me tell you exactly then. I told Kara that she couldn't save me because she couldn't save Mon-El. I told her I didn't want her help because of Mon-El. I took what she's going through, and I used it to make my words cut deeper. I wanted Kara to feel worse than I did."

Sam paused, swallowing then she took a drink. She looked away from Alex. That didn't stop Alex from still seeing the tears starting to pool in Sam's eyes. It was hard to watch but promising too.

"I have _no_ control. No power over anything. I feel…so out of it, with everything. I feel like I'm drowning, and, and there's nothing I can do about it. _I_ can't figure out what they did to me. _I_ can't control my arm, or, it's different. _I_ couldn't stop myself from saying yes to Lilian."

"Wait. Yes to Lilian about what?"

Sam's mouth opened. It closed. Opened again but it was a moment before anything came out. "When you guys rescued me, she knew you were coming. She told me I had to take care of whatever agents found me. I said I would."

"But you didn't." Alex was quick to remind her. She was surprised to hear Sam had agreed to that, but it didn't matter, she didn't go through with it. That was the only part of this new info that could matter.

Sam shrugged. "I still said I would. And, I was serious. I just…I couldn't go through with it when I saw Parker and Lucy. Then you, Kara, and Dad. That was the nail in the coffin for that plan."

"Sam, listen to me. And listen well. It does not matter what you told Cadmus you would do. I know the exact condition you were in when we got you back. I know, in some capacity, what you went through. If you said yes to Lilian, about anything, it was to save yourself a little pain. No matter why you think you did, if you think you seriously would have gone through with it, I know you wouldn't. You said yes to save yourself for a little bit. You did nothing wrong. That's what's important. When it came time to follow through, you didn't. Now, you're home. That's all that matters."

"I said yes, Alex." A breathy laugh slipped out. "I was _so_ mad at Dad for what he did. Then I was just as bad. I couldn't even hold myself to the same standard I was holding him to."

"But you didn't do anything!"

"They had me for weeks. He was there for _years_. I don't even want to think about what would have happened if they had me for longer. I'm weak and they tried to take advantage of that."

"But they didn't. _You_ didn't let them."

Sam shook her head. Alex's blood boiled knowing that Sam wasn't going to listen to her. She had already made up her mind that she should be condemned.

"I don't know who I am any more, Alex. Everything I thought about myself, Cadmus shattered it." And Sam looked shattered. Her brown eyes, normally deep and dark, were dull and almost black. They were _sad,_ defeated. The confidence that Sam projected, even as a front, was gone.

"I know who you are. I'll help you figure it out again. It's gonna be okay. I promise. We'll make it okay."

"Whatever."

Alex thought of something to talk about. They needed to get away from this. Eventually, they could come back to it. They had to. For Sam to move on, they would have to talk more about her time with Cadmus but not anymore today. It was draining her.

"What are you going to do about Lucy?"

Sam heaved a sigh and put her head down on the island. "I don't know. That was so stupid. I don't even blame her for leaving. I would too if I had to deal with me."

"Hey." Alex swatted Sam's bun, sticking up in the air. "Stop that. No more self-depreciation. You're gonna dig yourself into a hole. All you can do is be better so start acting like it."

A little tough love never hurt anyone, and Alex had a feeling that Sam needed it. With an extra emphasis on the love part. Sam sat back up. She sighed again.

"Now, what are you going to do?"

"I don't know. I should probably start with an apology."

"Always a good idea."

"I heard grand gestures sometimes work."

"Who did you hear that from?" She already knew and smiled when Sam said Maggie. "I can attest to a few of those gestures. If done right, they work wonders."

"I don't wanna go too big. Lucy can see bullshit a mile away and I don't want her to think I think this can be brushed away. Because I really am sorry, and I really do wanna be different with this kind of stuff. Not just buy her something every time I fuck up."

It was a very mature thing to hear from her little sister. It made Alex feel like she was going to be okay, despite that she thought otherwise. Sam had come a long way the past year.

"So, what are you going to do."

Sam thought for a moment. "It's lame but I'm gonna send flowers, with a note telling her I'm gonna call her and to please not ignore it when I do."

She ended the idea on a laugh. Alex shared it with her. It wasn't exactly a _grand_ gesture, but it was a Sam gesture. She had a feeling it would be good enough for Lucy.

"I'd get on the phone now, so you don't waste too much time. I'd use Flora City. They're fast."

"Got some experience with this?" Sam asked as she googled the number. She looked up at Alex as she put the phone to her ear.

Alex shrugged one shoulder as she took a sip of her coffee, now a little cold. "I use it to send Kara flowers for her Earth birthday."

"Why'd you ask about Lucy and not Kara?"

"Because Kara needs time. Lucy doesn't. We'll fix what we can now and be there for Kara until she's ready to come back to us."

Sam didn't get a chance to respond. Alex heard someone answer on the other side of the line. Sam got up as she talked to the florist. She paced the room as spoke. Alex put her cup in the microwave and then drank the last of it, regretting it when the coffee was much too hot.

She had no intention of leaving Sam by herself. At least, not until she went to patch things up with Lucy, but Alex did gather her stuff up. They would go to Alex's. Get Sam out of her apartment for a little bit. It would be good for her.

Alex busied herself with cleaning up the table after telling Sam her plan and Sam got ready for the day. The incident with the table was troubling. They knew that the biotech implanted in Sam was accelerating her healing but now it seemed that it was giving her enhanced strength. Not surprising since their dad had the same ability. It was just too much unknown for Alex's comfort. She would be glad when J'onn let Sam come back to the DEO so they could get some in depth research going on her arm. She'd have to call J'onn and expedite the process.


	125. Chapter 125

The flowers were slated for a 11:45 delivery. That was the earliest the shop had on short notice. Which, Sam had to admit, was pretty good for calling just three hours earlier. It would have to be good enough. Those three hours in between were spent with Alex. Her sister drug her around the city as they grocery shopped, picked up a new coffee table, got brunch. Ran random errands. Sam tried to ignore her hangover, but it was heavy. Alex didn't even try to ignore it. She ribbed and prodded Sam with jokes about it. Sam was mildly amused by it.

Alex had offered to drive Sam to Lucy's, but she declined. Sam wanted to shower before. And, she wanted some time alone before she went over. There would be a lot of heart bared and Sam had to prepare for that. It reminded her of when she finally admitted to Lucy that she liked her. It made Sam smile when she made the connection. Maybe that meant it would turn out okay, like that decision did.

A little after 10:30, Alex dropped Sam off. She got out of the car with Sam and pulled her into a big, long, tight hug. Not suffocating tight, more firm than anything. Sam was uncomfortable but embraced it. If she wanted to change then she had to change. All of her had to change. It wasn't like she could pick and chose what parts would. And, this was part of it. She had to let people be there for her, comfort her. As weird as it felt, it was kinda nice too. She focused on that.

"We'll get through this and everything will be fine."

Sam adjusted her cheek on Alex's shoulder as she asked, "will it?"

"Yea. That's how life works. No matter what happens, it goes up and it goes down, but it always comes back to center. Everything always ends up fine."

"Listen to you," Sam pulled out of the hug, "getting all wise in your old age."

"Blame Maggie. She's the optimist in this relationship and I think it's rubbing off on me."

"I'm still not sure what she gets out of this," Sam joked. She smiled as Alex pushed her right shoulder in retaliation.

"Good luck with Lucy."

"Thanks Alex."

Sam trudged upstairs to her apartment. As eager as she was to make things right with Lucy, she was dreading the conversation that needed to take place to make things right. By the time she finished her too long shower and the, uncharacteristic, time spent picking out what she would wear, Sam was cutting it close to be at Lucy's. She tried to calm herself down by explain to herself that her card just said that she would call, not be at Lucy's. And even if it did say that, she didn't say when exactly. There was time. She was fine. She needed to calm down.

It was hard, but Sam waited until noon to call. She figured that was enough of a buffer in case the delivery got behind and also let Lucy process. Then Sam thought maybe she should wait a little longer in case the flowers were late and now Lucy needed to process. She paced anxiously around her tiny apartment, going in circles and making herself dizzy.

12:03 rolled around and Sam knew she was stalling. She had to do this. Now. Waiting for Lucy was an excuse. She was going to call. Right now. Right…now. Just click the call button. Sam closed her eyes and did it, feeling ridiculous but still nervous.

The line rang. And rang. Then rang some more. Sam was sure she was going to be sent to voicemail. Lucy was that pissed. And she had every right to be. The way Sam acted? It warranted being ignored.

 _"Hello?"_

Sam's mind screeched to a stop. Her thoughts were derailing but now they were nonexistent. She hadn't been ready for Lucy to actually answer.

 _"Sam."_

"Uh, yea. Hey. Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm here." She paused. There was nothing over the line. Lucy was going to make her do all the heavy lifting. "Did you… did you get the flowers?"

 _"I did."_ A pause. _"Thank you."_

"You're welcome. I'm, uh, really glad you answered. I was worried you weren't going to."

It wasn't going well. Sam felt the rambling trying to come out. She was still trying to stall, while on the phone! It was ridiculous. Before the silence stretched on, she started in on what she had planned to say.

"I know I can't send flowers or show up with some big declaration every time I act like an ass. I don't want you to think that. It isn't why I sent the flowers. I did send them because I'm sorry, but I don't think they're going to magically fix things."

 _"Okay."_

"I'm going to fix things. And, uh, I would like to do it in person. Can I come over?"

 _"I don't know, Sam. I'm tired. I don't know if I'm in the mood to go at it again."_

"No no no. I don't want to fight. That's not…I–" Sam took a deep breath. As nervous as she had been to talk to Lucy, she hadn't expected Lucy to not say yes. "I want to apologize, and I want to make things okay. I don't want to fight. I'm tired too, of being defensive and lashing out. I just want to fix it."

There was a beat of silence. Then it extended. Sam's eyes slipped shut and she stopped pacing. _"Okay. Fine, but seriously, Sam. I'm not in the mood for another fight. I don't want to do this unless we can both_ talk _about it."_

"I promise."

 _"Okay, good."_ Lucy sighed. _"I'm happy you called."_

"Me too. I'll leave now."

Sam was already at the door, sloppily pulling her shoes on. Her vans were still untied as she pulled the door shut and locked it.

 _"Okay. Be safe."_

"Be there soon." Sam hesitated. She didn't want to say bye. Not now that she knew Lucy hadn't written her off. It was childish, but she just wanted to keep Lucy on the line, so nothing changed while they weren't talking.

 _"Bye."_

"Bye."

Still, Sam only brought her phone down when she heard the line go dead. The elevator took too long. Her walk to the light rail dragged on. The train had to be going slower than normal. Sam's knees bounced, and fingers tapped on her legs, the seat, the arm rest. She was nervous and eager. After Lucy being around so much since she's was rescued, Sam was eager to have her back. Sam was nervous for how Lucy would receive what she needed to say. One out weighed the other.

Before the train stopped, Sam was waiting at the door and slipped out before they were opened all the way. She didn't jog to Lucy's but definitely powerwalked. This stretch of her journey was fast. So much was going on in her head that Sam didn't pay attention. She was at Lucy's door in no time. She rang the bell and knocked. Eager. Nervous.

As Sam was debating if she should knock again, Lucy opened the door. She wasn't exactly happy to see Sam, but she didn't look mad either. Sam would take that as a good sign.

"Hey," Sam said.

"Hey." Lucy stepped back with the door, inviting Sam in.

The flower's Sam sent were sitting on the table in her small foyer. They looked like they were in pretty good shape. That was always a risk when ordering flowers without seeing them. Lucy looked where Sam was.

"Not my favorite but they are beautiful. Thank you."

"What is your favorite?" Sam asked, looking back at Lucy. She had sent roses. White and yellow. She had no idea what flowers Lucy liked but she knew she liked yellow, and sunflowers seemed like a little much as a sorry gift.

"Taking notes for next time?"

It was a joke, but it fell hard between them. Sam wanted to flinch at it. Deserved, but she hadn't expected it. Rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"Sorry. I didn't mean that. Gardenias are my favorite."

"It's okay."

Sam filed away Gardenias for another time. Not that she really knew what a Gardenia looked like. It sounded kind of familiar, but she couldn't say what one looked like. Now was not the time to start that conversation though.

They stood awkwardly in the foyer. Lucy shut the door and Sam felt all the air escape outside. She swallowed and waited for Lucy to lead the way somewhere they could talk.

"Should we, uh…" Sam gestured down the hall. Not sure where she meant but just out of the foyer in general. She was going to lose her nerve if things stayed this weird.

"Right. Follow me."

They settled in her living room. Sam looked around. It was nice, small. Lucy folded into an armchair and Sam perched on the couch. A TV sat on the mantel above a fireplace.

"I'm sorry," Sam said immediately. She let a whoosh of air out. Lucy stayed quiet. That was good. It let Sam keep going, get it all out. "I acted like an idiot yesterday. Both in the morning and when you came over for dinner. I'm really sorry."

Lucy looked at Sam, not saying anything. She did her best to sit and meet her gaze. Maybe Lucy would see just how sorry she was.

"Thank you," Lucy finally said. "I appreciate that you came to apologize in person."

That didn't sound good. Sam tried to keep her heart from dropping like a stone in water.

"I know you're going through a lot and I really try not to take it personally when you're upset but I can't be your punching bag, Sam."

"I know."

"I want to believe you do, but you haven't acted like you know that."

"I know." Sam sighed. She rubbed her hands on her jeans. "I'm gonna stop doing that. Which, I get it, people say stuff like that all the time, but I have to stop. Like in all aspects of my life. I took it out on Kara last night too and I really fucked up. I can't…Just, I can't keep acting like I used to. There's too many consequences that I don't want. I don't want to hurt you or my family. I don't want to lose anyone. So, if I have to change to make sure that doesn't happen then I will."

"That's a big speech."

Sam shrugged. "I have big problems to fix."

"I don't want you to change who you are, Sam. I like who you are."

"But."

"No but. Bettering yourself is not changing who you are."

"I don't even know who I am anymore," Sam said. It was lighter than she felt. "I think that leaves a little room for change."

"Don't say that," Lucy said quietly." She leaned her head onto her hand, resting on the chair arm. "You're still you."

"That means something different now, I think." Sam shook her head. "That's a conversation for another time though. We should probably talk about yesterday."

Lucy nodded. "I think that'd be smart. Do you want me to start?"

"Sure."

Sam took a deep breath. There would be things she didn't want to hear. She had to hear them. If Lucy wanted to talk about them, if she thought they were between her and Sam, then they had to talk about those things. Sam could communicate. Calmly. She could handle this.

"I understand why you were upset yesterday." Lucy started. "You're used to being able to do what you want, when you want. But, with everything that happened, it isn't smart for you to be on your own. And it's not because of _you_. If Alex went through what you did, would you want her by herself so soon?"

When Lucy put it that way, it was easy for Sam to get it. Because hell. no. would she want Alex by herself after a couple days. She shook her head.

"We're just worried and want you to be safe."

"I know, and I'm sorry I got so upset. I feel good though. Today, my arm is a little sore but that's because of last night."

"What happened last night?"

"Uh…" Sam tucked some of her flaw-away hairs behind her ear. "I broke my coffee table and then got really drunk. It was dumb. I know."

"How'd you break the table?"

"I hit it, with my left and smashed it."

"And then you got drunk?" Lucy took the apparent enhanced strength in stride. She seemed more unhappy about the fact that Sam got drunk afterwards.

"Yea." Sam drawled out. "I made a lot of stupid decisions last night."

"I'm worried about you, Sam."

"I know." Sam looked away from Lucy.

She knew full well that people were worried about her. Shit. She was worried about herself. Everything she pushed away, she still felt. Sam felt coiled tight. Pressure was mounting with no outlet. No matter how much she ignored it, Sam was aware of it all.

"You need to talk to someone. It can be me, or not. I don't care as long as you talk to _someone_. I know you don't want to hear it, but I meant it last night. You're not okay. Not after what Cadmus did to you."

It wasn't any easier to hear today than it was last night. Sam felt herself armor up. The anger flared but she did her best to stomp it out. Lucy was right. She knew Lucy was right. That tight coil and that pressure.

"I want you to be okay."

Sam finally looked back at her. "Me too but, ya know, I'm not good at that. The talking and stuff. I don't like feeling like…less or whatever."

Lucy got up from her seat. She sat next to Sam, close. She took one of Sam's hand. "You went through hell and are still here. There is nothing less about that."

Sam smiled. "I'm really sorry about yesterday."

"I know. Me too."

Sam closed the small distance between them, pulling Lucy tight. She buried her face in her neck. The embrace felt good. Lucy felt good. The way she smelled, and the way Sam's hands felt wrapped around her, and the way her lips pressed into Sam's hair for a long time.

"What happened with Kara?" Lucy asked eventually, in a hushed voice. She didn't pull away.

"I don't want to tell you. It was bad," Sam said. Her words were muffled by Lucy's neck.

"Scale of one to ten?"

"Alex told me to give her time."

Lucy clicked her tongue and sucked air between her teeth. "We need a bigger scale."

Sam pulled away. She leaned back on the couch. Lucy leaned her side against it with her elbow up to rest her head. "After you left, and I broke the table, Kara showed up. I told her if she couldn't save Mon-El, what made her think she could save me."

Lucy winced. "Oh Sam."

"I know. I was terrible, and I tried to apologize but I was super drunk. I don't really remember all of it. I know I was honest. Like I told her what's been going on and how I feel. She dismissed me though. She told me I would do it again and to just go home."

A dull ache bloomed in the middle of Sam's chest. A mixture of guilt and shame. She was still trying to figure out why she let herself do that to Kara. It was cruel, even for her old self.

"Sounds like you were on a roll last night."

Sam nodded. "I tried to get into a fight at the bar too."

"Because you were drunk?"

"No. I mean, it probably had something to do with me actually going through with it, but more because I was mad. It's what I used to do. I know better, now. It was stupid."

"Really stupid."

Sam rolled her head on the back of the couch to look up at the ceiling. Really stupid didn't cover it. If that guy hadn't stopped his friend, who knows what would have happened. Sam was so drunk, and they didn't know what her new cyborg arm was capable of.

"You should probably talk to her sober."

"I will. I'm gonna listen to Alex though, and give her a little more time. She's not in a good place. I only made it worse."

"Don't be too hard on yourself. You're not in a good place either."

"It doesn't excuse anything."

"No, definitely not. But, I don't think you should beat yourself up about it either."

That was a foreign concept. Sam had always been a martyr. She was good at it. That should be one of the things at the top of her list to change. It wasn't healthy and wouldn't help her relationship with Lucy.

"What are you doing tonight?"

Lucy looked surprised but rolled with it. Her eyes drifted away as she thought. She shook her head. "Nothing. Why?"

"Will you go on a date with me?"

She put on a show of weighing her options and thinking about it. Sam rolled her eyes good-naturedly. "Oh, I don't know. It's a little last minute. And what would I wear? I haven't had time to plan anything! Man, what to do? What to do?"

"This is just mean."

"Maybe if I knew what the plan for this date was. It's just so out of the blue!"

"It's nice out." Sam shrugged. "We could get some of that gross wine you love so much and something for dinner then go out to the bay to watch the sun set."

"You really have a way with words," Lucy laughed. "How about we get some soda and a pizza?"

"Don't want to drink tonight?"

Lucy shook her head. "You don't like wine so why bother?"

They both ignored that what she really meant was if you don't like it then you shouldn't drink it, or drink anything. Pizza and pop sounded good. Anything with Lucy sounded good if Sam was being honest with herself.

"The bay is closer to your apartment. Do you want to stay there tonight?"

"Like together?"

Sam wasn't sure why the prospect made her nervous. She had spent every night for the past several days with Lucy at least in the same room; mostly she was in bed with Sam. It felt different tonight.

"Yea. Unless you don't want me to stay over?"

"No," Sam said way too fast. She laughed it off. "No, I do want you to. I didn't…it really doesn't matter. I'd like it very much if you stayed over."

Lucy stood. She looked down at Sam then held both hands out. "Sit with me while I pack a bag?"

Sam nodded. Lucy pulled her up from the couch. Before she led the way to pack, she hugged Sam. She was just short enough that Sam could rest her chin on Lucy's head. After a few moments, Lucy pulled back and tugged on Sam's shirt for her to lean down and kiss her.

Not that Sam didn't assume where they were going but when Lucy led her into her room, Sam couldn't help but feeling out of place. A bedroom had always seemed like a private place to her. At home, in Midvale, her parents had always respected their rooms as theirs. They always knocked and didn't go in unless they had to. Then, in at Howe and in the Army, Sam didn't have her own room. It became even more of a sacred place in her mind. Her apartment was a little different since it was technically all one room. Having Lucy there didn't fill her with the same nerves as being in Lucy's room.

Sam sat stiffly on the edge of her bed. She watched as Lucy walked around the room, into the bathroom then back. All the while going on about work. Something about it being a typical Friday at the office. Then Lucy stopped.

"Are you okay?"

"Yea. Of course."

Lucy raised an eyebrow at her. She placed the clothes she had in hand in the bag she had laid out. She then stood in front of Sam. She gently kicked at her foot until Sam moved for Lucy to stand in between her legs.

"You look nervous. Why do you look nervous?"

"I don't look nervous."

Lucy rolled her eyes and put her hands on Sam's shoulders, sliding them until they rested at the bottom of her neck. "You can't know what you look like. Not unless you have a mirror, so you _do_ look nervous and I wanna know why. Do tell."

Sam sighed dramatically, realizing she wasn't going to be able to get out of this one. "Rooms are like…a weird place for me. Like a big deal, So, you know, being up here feels kind of weird."

"You're weird." Lucy laughed. "What do you mean rooms are a weird place for you? I don't think I'm following."

"I don't know. They're like a private place."

"Oh." Lucy tipped her head back in one big nod. "I think I'm with you now."

Sam shrugged. She liked the way Lucy's hands felt on her shoulders as she did it. A good kind of heavy. She barely caught the smirk on Lucy's face. If her hands hadn't moved up her neck, thumbs pushing Sam's chin up, Sam would have been even more surprised by the kiss.

It was deep. Made deeper by Sam's lips parting in a little surprised intake of breath. She felt Lucy smile and laugh through her nose. Sam didn't stay passive for long, but she didn't try to take control either. Whatever Lucy was doing, she could continue doing it.

Lucy broke away from Sam. Only to return with a kiss half on her lips and half on her cheek. Then cheek. Jaw. Sam's eyes stayed closed.

"Still feel weird?" Lucy said, low in her ear.

Sam answered with a quick kiss to the underside of Lucy's jaw. She tugged on Lucy's hips, something she obviously wasn't expecting. They both laughed as she fell harder than Sam intended into her then the bed.

"I'm gonna take that as a no," Lucy laughed out, holding herself up with on arm.

"You should."

Sam smiled up at her. She could get used to this, messing around with Lucy. Laughing with Lucy. Doing anything at all with Lucy. She was smitten, and she knew it. She liked it.

"So…" Lucy tapped her fingers on Sam's shoulders where her hand rested. "We still doing this date, or has it been postponed?"

A difficult question. One that Sam didn't want to make. At least, she didn't want to make the 'smart' decision. She slid partially out from under Lucy and sat up.

"Date is still on."

"I don't know if I'm disappointed or not." Lucy joked as she sat up then stood up. "I'm almost done. I just need to grab my toiletry bag."

They left shortly after. Lucy drove them to Sam's. They stayed only long enough to drop off Lucy's bag. Then they were off. Date officially started.

Sam refused to let Lucy drive them anywhere else. Everything was in walking distance. It was honestly a beautiful day out. Warm but not too hot. The perfect weather for a nice walk. The date was spur of the moment, but Sam knew exactly what she wanted to do.

A pizza and pop picnic at sunset? Easy. There was a solid pizza shop near the bay. The bay itself would give them a good view of the setting sun. If they were lucky, other couples wouldn't have the same idea and they would have some relative privacy. The only problem was it was only about two in the afternoon. The sun wouldn't set for at least another four hours.

"Did you have lunch?" Sam asked as they walked toward the bay. Lucy shook her head.

"Not really. More of a late breakfast. You?"

"Alex and I had _brunch_." Sam rolled her eyes at the word. "So dumb. Basically, we had a late breakfast too. It isn't brunch until like eleven."

"I think ten qualifies as brunch too."

"Eh, I guess. The point is…well, no. If ten is brunch, then we had brunch. But barely! We finished about ten."

"Who would've known you are so adamant about your brunch times?" Lucy teased. Sam laughed.

"Whatever. I'm trying to suggest we go get lunch."

"Sounds good to me. There's a place by the Supergirl statue. It just opened but it's got really good reviews. Wanna try it out?"

"Sure."

"Really? I've been wanting to go!"

As they walked, Lucy told Sam everything there was to know about the restaurant. Apparently, The Big Taste's owner was saved by Supergirl during a heist while he was trying to get a bank loan in order to open his restaurant. He had declared if Supergirl ever came to his place, she would eat for free. Sam had a good laugh about that. The poor dude would be literally eaten out of business if Kara ever took him up on the offer.

Lucy stopped them when they neared. They could see the statue of Kara. Sam wasn't sure why Lucy looked like she accidently kicked a puppy.

"Are you sure you want to go here? I just spent the last ten minutes telling you how much this guy loves your sister, who's mad at you. I didn't even think about it."

"It's fine. I would've said if it bothered me. It doesn't."

"Are you sure? Because I don't think you would say something."

"Lucy, I promise it's okay. Kara's mad at me. Whatever. I deserve it and I'll make it up to her when she's ready. It doesn't have anything to do with tonight."

"For the record," Lucy started as they continued walking, "Supergirl is not why I want to go here. They're supposed to have the best fries in town."

"I'm sold."

The place wasn't Supergirl themed like Sam expected it to be. There was a small portion of a wall by the front doors dedicated to the hero though. The service was good. The food was good. They shared a meal, just eating something small to hold them over until dinner. It was a weirdly intimate experience for Sam. She had never sat on the same side of the table as a date and ate off the same plate. It allowed them to be close; in their own little world. They disagreed on the quality of French fries. Lucy thought they lived up to the hype. Sam stayed true to Noonan's, arguing the family favorite had the best fries in National City.

They took a full lap on the bay walkways. Lucy carried most of the conversation, as always, but Sam held her own. It was easy to talk with Lucy. She wasn't content to just be a passive member of the conversation when she was with Lucy. A striking difference between how Sam was with other people. She enjoyed talking with her sisters. Maggie too. But, she didn't participate like she did with Lucy. Loquacious was the only word to describe Lucy, and it seemed to be contagious. Not that Sam was complaining.

After a second loop around the bay, it was starting to get dark. Sam directed them toward the pizza shop. She made Lucy wait outside as she ordered. Sam wasn't sure why she wanted their order to be a surprise, but she did. It would be a small one. Potentially worth it if it went over well.

Lucy didn't ask as they looked for a good spot to eat. Sam could feel her curiosity though which made it more fun. She checked her watch as they wondered around the green areas of the bay loop. They were cutting it close. After a few more minutes, Sam declared where they were to be good enough. Lucy complained a little, wanting to find the perfect spot.

"We're going to miss it if we keep looking."

"Fine, you're right." She looked around them then out across the water. "This will work."

They sat down, pizza box between them. Sam pulled two bottles out of the plastic bag she was carrying. She handed one to Lucy. A Coke. She opened her Sprite and took a drink. She was wasting as much time as she could before she opened the pizza box. It was stupid, but she was enjoying Lucy's impatience. Twice she swatted Lucy's hand away.

Finally, she did. The box was separated into two. On one side was a small, rectangle Detroit-style deep dish pizza. On the other were cinnamon sticks with extra icing.

"How'd you know cinnamon sticks are my favorite?"

"Well, for starters, no one dislikes cinnamon sticks. If they do, they're wrong. And, you've mentioned it before."

Lucy was going to say something, but Sam cut her off by pointing out in front of them. The sun was hitting its prime setting viewing. Lucy would miss it if she kept talking to Sam about cinnamon sticks. Of all reasons to miss a sunset, that seemed like a stupid one.

They ate quietly, enjoying the show of colors in the sky. It was Sam's favorite. She knew Lucy was partial to sun rises and thought about trying to catch the next day's. Or maybe she would just stay in bed, let the sun wake them up and then stay there for as long as Lucy would let them.

"What are you smiling about?"

It was said quietly and much closer than Sam had been expecting. She looked over. Lucy had moved the box between them. Both had finished eating. Sam gave a lazy shrug, leaning back onto her hands which put her even closer to Lucy.

"Thinking about sun rises and how maybe you'd like to watch tomorrow's."

"Tomorrow I get to sleep in. As much as I like sun rises, I think I'd much rather sleep."

"I'll be sure to be quiet then."

"Are you not sleeping?"

"I just meant if I wake up first."

Lucy nodded and leaned a tiny bit closer. She looked back out to the smoldering orange left. "What time is it?"

Sam shifted to pull her phone out. She kissed Lucy on the cheek as she did too, the movement of getting her phone making it easy to do. "Almost seven."

Lucy, still smiling from the kiss, asked, "Do you want to head back?"

"Yea."

They gathered their trash and found the closest trash can. Then, hands held, started back toward Sam's apartment. Dusk hung around them. Too dark without the sun but not quite night yet. It felt different. Like it wasn't a real part of the day.

The walk back was pleasant. They weren't rushed. It was leisurely, filled with quiet conversations and jokes; Lucy and Sam walking closer than necessary. Sam was thankful her apartment building was generally empty as their touches became more and more frequent and more and more warm. In the elevator they exchanged playful kisses, laughing in between.

Sam's windows were black when they got into her apartment. The lights of the city shining in just enough for her to find the light switch no problem. She kicked her shoes off as Lucy did the same.

"Do you want a drink?" She asked over her shoulder as she walked toward the kitchen.

"No."

"Alright." Sam pulled down a glass. She had meant a drink as in something mixed but settled for water.

"Hey Sam?"

"Yea?" She answered, placing her glass in the sink. She turned around. Lucy was standing in the middle of her apartment.

Sam smiled, liking how this night was going so much more than the one before. She was happy to have Lucy back with her.

"Come here."

As Sam got closer, Lucy held her hand out. Sam took it. She tugged until Sam was in front of her, hands around her waist. Lucy leaned up, pulling Sam down a bit with her shirt. Sam's left her waist and cradled Lucy's jaw.

This made her even happier to have Lucy back. It was different too. They hadn't shared more than a few short and sweet kisses. Sam's hands trailed down Lucy's neck, over her collar bones and chest, to her stomach and stopped at her hips. It felt like they weren't working right. Like her hands were stiff and didn't know what to do. Sam ran them up Lucy's back for something to do.

Wrong move. Somehow, it pulled on her left shoulder weird. Sam winced with a small gasp, pulling away from Lucy. Her right hand shot to her shoulder. Lucy followed Sam's backward movement, worried.

"What happened? Was it me? I'm sorry!"

"No." Sam shook her head. "I don't know. It's bothering me a little more, that's all."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

Sam shrugged her right shoulder. Lucy's hands held around Sam's on her shoulder. Her touch was light, like she was afraid if she actually held onto Sam, she would hurt her.

"Maybe we should slow down then."

Sam wanted to disagree. She had very much enjoyed the way things were going. But, a deep throb in her shoulder came just in time to convince her. She nodded.

"Do you have any ice?"

"Yea. Alex brought over some shoulder braces for icing. They're in the freezer."

"Okay, why don't you go change and I'll grab ice for you?"

"Okay."

Lucy headed for the kitchen. Sam watched her go before going her own way to change.

"Hey Lucy?" Sam waited for her to turn around. "Thanks."

"Of course. Now, go change. I'll be in with that ice."

Sam thought the night was going to end differently than it did about three different times that day. At the start, she knew she would be going to bed by herself with two people still angry at her. In the middle, she thought at least things would be looking up. At the end, she flat out thought she was going to get lucky. Instead, she laid in bed in old basketball shorts and a t-shirt with Lucy next to her in plaid pajama pants, holding the ice pack in place under her shirt. Sam wouldn't say it was preferable to her last assumption about the end of her night, but it was comparable.

"Hey," Sam said in a sleepy voice. Despite the cold pressed to her skin, she was fading fast. Lucy hummed in response. "We went on our second date and I'm kinda tired of not knowing what to call this."

"Is there supposed to be a question in there?" Sam could hear the smile in Lucy's voice. She shifted but didn't try to look up at her. "Do you want this longer? My hand is freezing!"

"No, I'm good. Thanks." Sam sat up a bit to fix her shirt as Lucy pulled the ice pack out from under it. Sam watched her put it on the side table before turning back to her. "And my question is: do you wanna make this official? Or exclusive? Whatever the hell it is when I get to call you my girlfriend and no one else can."

Lucy laughed softly. She nodded then said quietly, "Yea. I'd really like that."

"Okay, cool." Sam said back, a big stupid grin on her face. It made her entirely too happy to apply a label. She let Lucy pull her gently down into bed.


	126. Chapter 126

**A/N: No edit. Sorry for the delay. Thanks for reading and thank you to the people who told me my last upload attempt didn't work out!**

Kara sat on her couch. She was flipping between two of National City's more reliable news channels. Not often but sometimes, they were a step ahead of her with crime or emergency updates. She was actively listening to the city around her too.

The workload was her saving grace; it was enough of a distraction. Being Supergirl wasn't always enough but tonight, it seemed like it. Kara didn't think about work, or Sam, or pulling away from everyone and how they kept pushing back, or Mon-El. Definitely not Mon-El. All she thought about was protecting the city that depended on her.

She was avoiding sleeping just to keep her thoughts away from Mon-El. He'd started popping up in her dreams. All soft white and sunshine with perfectly green tall grass around them. It wasn't the dream that she wanted to avoid as much as the soul shattering realization that it was only a dream when she woke up. It was like one half-step forward and three back every time she had that dream.

And now she was thinking about Mon-El and the dream and how much she hated herself for not being able to find a way to keep him with her. Kara squeezed her eyes shut and tried to shake the thoughts out. Completely distracted. She was missing the news flash on the TV, and the knock at her door startled her. She looked at the TV, read the scrolling text at the bottom of the screen, before she went to her door.

Kara heaved a sigh as she looked through the door. Sam stood on the other side. Not too long ago, Kara would've been ecstatic to see that it was Sam. Just not now. Kara was not in the mood for her little sister. With a searing down her spine, Kara remembered Sam's words from the other night. Kara wasn't enough to save Mon-El. What made her think she could save anyone else? Sam didn't want her. With each lap around her mind the remembered words took, Kara crumbled a little more.

With a steadying breath and a quick square of her shoulders, Kara opened the door. "Now's not a good time."

"It hasn't been a good time the last two times I tried to come over. You're either lying to me or there is never going to be a good time."

"Maybe it's both."

A small part of Kara felt guilty for saying it. The hurt part of her, which was the bigger part, didn't care. Anyways, Sam deserved it for what she said. That small part of Kara didn't like that thought either.

Sam nodded a few times. "I deserve that. Touché. But, hear me out: I brought pot stickers."

She held up that bag and shook her hand side to side, enticingly.

"Thanks, but I'm not hungry."

"Okay, now, that's some bullshit." Sam slipped by Kara into her apartment. "You have never not been hungry. Even when you're sick, you're hungry."

"I don't get sick."

"See! So, you must be hungry."

The insistence on food was suspicious. Only two people ever doted and worried over Kara like this. Eliza and Alex. Kara had been avoiding Eliza's calls and avoiding Alex completely, so it was a toss up as to which one was responsible for Sam.

"Eliza or Alex?"

"What?" Sam paused as she was popping open the pot sticker takeout box. She looked worried. A little like she was caught. Usually Sam had a better poker face than this.

"Who sent you: Eliza or Alex?"

"Uh, neither. I wanted to stop by."

"No." Kara finally shut the door, resigning to the slim possibility she was going to get Sam to leave. She walked up to Sam. "You don't show up and force me to take care of myself. You're more of the type to provide and then say do whatever the hell I want."

She knew from experience. Even at her angriest, after Alex left, Sam never left Kara to be in pain on her own. Each anniversary of her planet's destruction found Sam in Kara's room, basically ignoring her but not letting her be alone. Each time anything threw Kara off, Sam was there with some kind of meal or distraction, but never once did she do anything more than offer it to Kara.

The two years without Alex had bonded Sam and Kara in a weird way. Sam never gave up her fight against Kara but without Alex, Sam did shoulder some of the care for Kara. As begrudgingly as she could possibly shoulder it but still, she was there.

Now, here was Sam, all but shoving the pot stickers down Kara's throat. This was more of an Alex tactic. Kara crossed her arms and did her best to look down at Sam. Her little sister was a little taller than her, making it a difficult task.

"So, which was it? Eliza or Alex, because one of them put you up to this."

Sam sighed, resting both palms flat on Kara's counter. She gave Kara a small, soft smile. "Alright. It was technically Alex, but I told her I wanted to do something nice for you. Like something that would show you that I really am sorry. She said to bring you some food." Sam's smile turned into more of a joking smirk. "Then she lectured me on how to get you to actually eat the food I brought."

It was such an Alex move that Kara couldn't help the smile that Sam's story produced. It dropped quickly though. She was finding it hard to keep any kind of smile lately. No matter how much she wanted to. Kara turned back and walked toward the TV.

"Why are you trying so hard to show me you're sorry? I already told you it was fine."

"Exactly." Sam followed her. "You told me it was fine but it's not and that's not you. Not with family. And, even if you think it is fine, it's not. I'm really sorry for what I said and I'm going to make it up to you."

"But I don't want you to."

"Too bad." Sam flopped onto her couch. "I can't work right now which leaves me all the time in the world. I'll stay here all day, every day if I have to."

"Sam…" Kara sighed out.

The emergency news that flashed before she answered the door was already taken care of. It was a minor fire by the docks. Not only had she missed an opportunity but she was stuck having this conversation with Sam. Double whammy.

"What? You're not okay. Everyone keeps telling me I'm not okay, and I can't say I disagree with them, so we'll be not okay together. Fuck everyone else."

"I'm fine. And, I want to be fine by myself."

Sam scoffed. "Yea, okay, Kara. Because that sounds just like something you would say, right? I can't remember a single time you wanted to be alone. You're full of shit and you know it."

"Fine." Kara groaned out. "If you're going to stay then you have to be quiet! Okay? Just be quiet."

"Got it."

Kara glared at Sam, who smiled right back, for another few seconds. Then, she sat on the edge of her coffee table and flipped the channels. Minutes dragged by with no sign of an emergency. Not even a hint of an emergency starting. It was frustrating!

The quiet didn't last long. Maybe four flips through the two news channels before Sam said something. Kara closed her eyes to keep her cool. No matter how upset she was with Sam, she wasn't the real reason Kara was in a bad place. She wouldn't take it out on Sam.

"Are we going to talk about it or…?"

"Since when do you want to talk about anything?"

It was a deflection. An obvious one but Kara didn't really care. Sam was easy to get off topic. She always rose to the bait. It was probably the most predictable thing about her.

"I don't know. Alex and Lucy have been telling me that talking helps. Maggie too. They all make me talk about what's going on. I kinda get it."

"That doesn't sound like you."

"Nope. It's not a bad thing as far as I'm concerned either. I used to suck."

"You had a hard life, Sam."

"No, _you_ had a hard life. Mine was a cake walk in comparison."

Kara turned to face her sister. It was a nice sentiment, especially coming from Sam, but it was frustrating. "It's not a competition. Your life was hard. My life was hard. It doesn't really matter who's was worse. We both have to deal."

"Exactly." Sam sat up, "So, let's deal. You're mad at me. You're hurting because…because of what happened with Mon-El."

"Sam," Kara said. She tensed. This was not a conversation she wanted to have.

"No, just listen. I feel terrible, ya know, for how mean I was when you came over. I'm struggling with Cadmus and my arm. My daddy issues are back with a vengeance. I'm frustrated I can't go back to work. I feel useless."

"You're not useless."

Another attempt at deflection. Maybe Kara can get Sam talking about herself. That'd be like two birds with on stone. She wouldn't have to talk about her problems and she could get Sam talking about hers. The other night, no matter how Kara felt about it, showed how much of a ticking time bomb Sam was. They were going to have to do something to help her. This would be an easy something.

"Well, actually," Sam said in a matter of fact tone, "I literally am. I'm not allowed to work or over exert myself until Winn can get me in to run some tests. But, that's not the point! I don't really want to talk about that, and I'm not going to make you talk about all your other stuff.

"I wanna talk about us. I trust you to deal with everything else. Now or in time, whichever it is. You'll pull yourself together. You always do, Kara."

Sam's faith in Kara was a punch to the gut. With all their problems, it was easy to forget that Sam believed in Kara so much. The past year had done wonders for their relationship.

"We don't have to talk about it. It's fine."

"It's not though. I was terrible. Those things I said to you aren't true. I only said them because I wanted to make you feel bad because I felt bad. I will always regret it. My whole life you've always been there for me. I didn't understand what that meant until I moved here. You are strong, caring, loyal, understanding, and amazing, Kara. I will do anything to make sure you know those words are true."

"What am I supposed to say to that?"

"I don't know."

"Thank you?" Kara's temper was slowly rising. Hearing Sam say things like that only made her feel worse for failing Mon-El. Not only did she fail him but now she was failing her littler sister by not being who she thinks she should be. "It doesn't matter. You said mean things. Now, you said nice things. I forgive you, Sam. It's done, I'm over it. Just let it go."

"Okay, fine. I'll let it go. I said what I needed to and there's no sense beating a dead horse, right? But just because I'm dropping this issue doesn't mean I'm going to let you deal with all your other stuff on your own. We're all here for you."

"I know," Kara took a deep breath to reign in her feelings. What Sam was trying to do was sweet and kind. There was no reason to blow up on her. Kara tried to focus on that over anything else. "Thank you, but Sam, I don't want anyone right now. I appreciate you being there for me. I appreciate Alex and Eliza and J'onn, Winn, James. Everyone. It's not what I want right now. So, please, respect that."

Sam was quiet. She was looking hard at Kara, like she was trying to see just how broken she was. It didn't scare Kara if Sam figured it out. Sam would understand. Alex would too but her habit of being overprotective took over and her empathy was overshadowed by it. Sam would get it though and she would get, or should get at least, why Kara just wants to be alone.

"You're sure?"

"I am."

"And you'll come back around, right? This isn't, like, you checking out?"

"No, Sam. At least I don't think so. It's just really hard right now. I need to figure it out. On my own. You guys can't help me with this."

"But, we can be there for you while you figure it out."

Kara allowed herself to smile at that. A very small, knowing smile. "You know full well that no one in this family can just 'be there' for someone else. We're all fixers."

"Yea," Sam said, dejected, "You're right."

"So, you understand?"

Sam nodded. "I'm not leaving you totally alone, but I will back off."

"Thanks Sam."

Sam stood and pulled Kara into a hug. It was short, then she left. Kara sat back down on the coffee table with remote in hand. That wasn't as hard as she thought it would be. And, it kind of felt good. To talk and have an outlet. Sam didn't even make her talk about anything either. She just gave Kara the option. Before she could give it further thought, several sirens caught Kara's attention. She could think later; now, she needed to save her city. Prove it to herself that she could.


	127. Chapter 127

**A/N: I decided that I'm not going to go into the new season much. Just up to Kara getting back to 'normal' and then wrap up with my own ideas. I've got some big ones. And, I have some other story ideas that I want to give a shot. I'm not saying this is the end just yet, but we are on the downward slope of the falling action for this story. As always, thank you for reading.**

It wasn't just a week before Sam went back to work like she wanted. Somehow, Alex and Lucy convinced her to take an extra week. Really it had been Alex, Lucy, Maggie, her mom, and Winn who convinced Sam to take an extra week. She wanted to say she wasn't sure how they did it but that wasn't true. Sam was trying to be less obstinate. Her family and friends cared about her; that's why they were so adamant about her taking the time to heal. Sam could respect that. Even if it did make her want to pull her teeth out having so much time off.

The week went by quickly though. Sam spent a lot of that time following Kara around. Now that she was back at CatCo it kept them both busy. Kara didn't mind unless it was Supergirl work. On that, she put her foot down. Sam didn't fight it. She was just happy Kara was getting back into her groove.

Being around at CatCo gave Sam more reason to see Lena. The woman was awkward around Sam. Kara told her it was because Lena knew that Cadmus was responsible for Sam's disappearance and it made her feel guilty. That made Sam feel uncomfortable. Enough that she found herself at CatCo looking for Lena during some emergency that pulled both Alex and Kara away.

Sam was surprised to notice she wasn't nervous about seeing Emma like the last time she had come up to the top floor of CatCo. She was surprised, though, at the disappointment she felt when there was a guy about her age at the desk instead of Emma. He looked up expectantly as Sam stepped out of the elevator.

"How can I help you today?"

"I'm looking for Ms. Luthor."

He regarded her meticulously. Sam knew she didn't look like someone who would be allowed to see Lena, especially not in the workplace. She was wearing a black tee with a pocket over her heart, the pocket had the NASA logo on it. It was a little too big on her. It was her dad's shirt. Sam ignored that all the times she wore it. Which was frequent, and she also ignored that. As did Alex and Kara. Her jeans were ripped up at the knees from the last time she wore them and got called in on an emergency assignment at the DEO. Her black vans were a mess. The rubber around the edges was cracked and dirty. The laces were ratty. Her messy bun and sunglasses hanging from the neckline of her shirt really topped off her look for the day.

"Do you have an appointment?"

"I don't but she's a friend." He looked so far from convinced that Sam wanted to laugh. "I'm Kara Danvers's sister. I promise you I know Ms. Luthor."

The front desk attendant was saved from having to believe Sam by James. He was headed toward the elevators but stopped short with a double take when he saw Sam. He smiled.

"Hey Sam!"

She raised her eyebrows at the enthusiastic greeting. She returned his smile easily though and bumped her fist against his raised fist. Sam had to remind herself that she hadn't seen James since she came back to National City, and the last time he saw her she had been beat to hell.

The man at the front desk looked so surprised that Sam did laugh. She gave an exaggerated shrug to the guy and pointed at James like 'told you so'. James turned his attention to his worker as well.

"Right. I forgot to prep you on the non-employees who basically have free reign of the top floor. That's my bad, Matt. Both Sam Danvers," James gestured to Sam, "and Alex Danvers can be here whenever they want. They work in the FBI and give us exclusives from time to time."

Sam listened to the easy lie roll of James's tongue. All of them were competent at it in varying levels. She wondered if it was the newspaper background that made James so good at it or if he cultivated it after he took on the mantel of The Guardian.

"Hank Henshaw is their supervisor. He obviously has clearance to be here. Um…" James looked at Sam. "Anyone else?"

"Winn?"

"Right. I can't believe I almost forgot Winn!" James let out a loud laugh. Sam smiled, realizing she missed it. "Winn Schott, and Maggie Sawyer," He nodded his head to the side as he looked to Sam and she replied with an agreeing nod of her own, "also can be up here."

Matt, the front desk attendant, dutifully noted each name on a sticky note. "Got it, Mr. Olsen. I apologize for holding you up, Ms. Danvers. It won't happen again."

"You can just call me Sam and don't worry about it."

James steered Sam away from the desk then. His hand dropped from her back immediately once they were walking. Sam noted they were headed for his office.

"What brings you by?"

"I'm looking for Lena."

Sam caught the annoyed look on James's face before he was able to cover it. Not that she was surprised. James didn't appreciate anyone trying to butt in on his things. He was loyal and sometimes it manifested negatively into possessive. But hey, Sam didn't judge. Everyone had their flaws and in the grand scheme, that was a tame one.

"She's around here somewhere. She has a visual approach to management."

The emphasis told Sam even more about James's annoyance. She wouldn't point it out though. He would come to terms with it on his own. He'd do what was right for CatCo and with Lena as the owner, he would work through his annoyance and learn to work efficiently with her.

"Okay. I can find her if you have somewhere to be. I don't want to hold you up."

They stopped walking near the reporter bullpen. James lifted and shook his hand of papers. "I do, actually. I'm happy I got to see you though! We should go out for a drink if you're up for it?"

"I'm always up for a drink. You let me know when you're free and I'll make it work."

"Great! I really need to get to a meeting with distribution. I'll see ya, Sam."

"Later."

James turned to walk away. Sam realized she was going to need a place to talk to Lena, privately. She called out, "Hey, can I use your office to talk to Lena. It's about…"

She trailed off and pointed at her arm. James looked at it then back to Sam. He nodded.

"Of course. I'll be in that meeting for a while. Take all the time you need."

"Thanks."

It took Sam no time at all to locate Lena. A visual approach to management was putting it lightly. She walked around the floor, stopping and talking to her employees graciously. Sam waved her down as she walked over. Lena gave her a too big smile.

"Sam, hi! Is Kara back?"

"Uh, no. No, she's not. She's with Alex but, uh, I was hoping I could talk to you? If you have a few minutes? It won't take long. I promise."

"I have all the time in the world for a Danvers. You know that."

"Cool. James said we can talk in his office."

They walked in silence. Sam could feel the tension and unease rolling off Lena. She tried to think of something to ease it a little. Unfortunately, small talk was hard for Sam if she was feeling uncomfortable herself and the prospect of talking about what happened, trying to put Lena at ease about it was making her hella uncomfortable.

"So, uh, it's pretty cool that you bought CatCo. How's…how's that working out for you?"

Lena chuckled, "Just fine. Thank you for asking."

"Oh, cool. Happy to hear it."

Lena continued to chuckle, "Is my discomfort obvious enough that _you_ are attempting small talk to make me feel better? I can only imagine how this talk is going to go."

Sam smiled. It was amusing to think she was going to try and make Lena feel better. Especially with small talk to start with. Anyone who knew Sam knew this wasn't remotely a strength of hers.

They walked into James's office. Sam turned to close the doors as she said, "Probably painful but, we should still have it." She turned back to Lena, "Right?"

Lena nodded. "I think so. It's overdue."

They sat across from each other on the couches. Sam smiled to try and put Lena at ease. It worked on her nerves a bit too.

"I talked to Kara."

"Is she doing better? I mean, clearly she is since she is back at work but she never wants to talk about anything. It worries me. She used to be so open."

Sam shrugged. It wasn't her place to talk much about Kara's healing process. "She's getting there. But, I meant I talked to her about us."

"Us?"

"Yea. You've been a little…off, I guess. At least around me." Sam took a quick deep breath. "Kara told me you know about my time with Cadmus."

"Oh."

Lena looked down at her hands folded in her lap. She unfolded them as she re-crossed her legs then smoothed her skirt. It was easy to see the uncomfortable guilt on Lena's face. She was great at poker, Sam knew from experience, but if it was a personal matter, Lena was a little easier to read. Kara thought it was because she didn't have as much experience with the personal kind of stoic.

"Yea, so, I wanted to talk to you about it." Sam floundered a bit with where to go next. No matter that she was trying the whole talk-it-out-thing, it was still hard. All her built up instincts were to avoid these kinds of conversations like the plague.

"I don't…I don't want you to blame yourself or think I blame you at all. Your mom might be my least favorite person on Earth but that has nothing to do with you."

"There's going to be some kind of association to her when you see me thought. Research proves as much."

"No, I promise there's not. Ya know, I was around when Cadmus was doing everything to get aliens out of National City. No matter what they tried you were there to help stop them. Multiple times you stood up to your mom. When I think Cadmus, hell, when I think Lillian Luthor, I do not think of you."

"I'm sorry for what she did to you."

"And, I appreciate that, but you have nothing to be sorry about."

"You promise?"

"Cross my heart," Sam said as she raised her left hand, palm out and crossed over her heart.

Lena sighed heavily. She nodded with a smile. "You have no idea how happy I am to hear that. I don't think I'll ever get used to how you Danvers believe in me."

"Yea, well, you've never done anything to not deserve it so don't think it's just how we are or something. You've earned our belief."

"Thank you. And, I will continue to earn it if you'll let me. Kara told me a bit about what happened to you. All my resources are yours."

"Oh," Sam said. She wasn't sure how to take the offer. It was generous, but Lena knew nothing of the DEO. It's not like Sam could tell her it might not be needed because she had her own resources that were out-out-of-the-normal specific. "Thanks. I, uh, I really appreciate that. I have some connections through Alex so, you know. I'll definitely let you know if…that, uh, doesn't work out or whatever. But, um, honestly, thank you."

"Well," Lena said as she stood, "I'm glad we were able to talk about this. It was bugging and now we can move on, as friends again."

"Of course."

Sam stood too. She smiled at Lena but felt awkward again. Lena was a friend, but she was a friend through her sister who was not with them, nor was she a friend that Sam spent a lot of time with. Was she supposed to hug Lena? That wasn't normal behavior for Sam. Was it normal for Lena? She wouldn't guess so but didn't want to assume.

"I do need to get back to work, and I'm not going to make you hug me. I can see the fear in your eyes." Lena laughed, and Sam joined her, in relief. "So, have a great day, Sam, and I will see soon."

"Right," Sam said, "I'll see ya later."

That was four days ago. Two days ago, she met James for the drink he wanted. It was weird. Lucy joined them. At first, it was just James, Lucy, and Sam. Then, in came Winn with Alex. Maggie joined them. Then, finally, surprisingly, Kara did too. Any weird feeling Sam had dropped when she saw Kara. A warm, happy relief exploded in Sam's chest. She hadn't realized just how worried about Kara she had been. The relief gave her an idea though.

Yesterday, Sunday morning, Sam was in bed with Lucy when her phone went off, breaking their cocoon of sunlight, blankets, and quiet conversation. Sam couldn't bring herself to be too upset when it was J'onn on the other side, asking her to report to the DEO at her normal time the following day. She and Lucy celebrated with breakfast at Pistols at Dawn, a breakfast bar a short walk from Sam's apartment. It was obnoxiously decorated like a Victorian-era British pub. Sam loved it and Lucy teased her all the time about it.

Now, Sam sat in Alex's lab on a med table. She was in a black tank top to give her researchers access to their study. Alex and Winn stood staring at Winn's tablet. J'onn had yet to make an appearance but Alex told Sam it was because he wanted to give them time to get answers for him before he saw Sam. It didn't really make her feel any better that he was openly admitting his avoidance.

"This seems familiar, but I can't place why," Winn said. "Look at this molecular pattern. It's specific and I _know_ I've seen it somewhere before."

Alex didn't say anything. She stared intently at the screen. Sam was sure she was trying to figure out what the were looking at too.

"Oh, holy shit," Winn said. His eyes went wide before he pushed the tablet into Alex's hands. He rushed out of the lab.

Alex looked at Sam. "He never goes anywhere without this."

"Really makes a girl feel good about herself."

Sam thought it would come out loose and easy, but she could feel the tightness in her voice. All of this was bringing back her apprehension from before about her arm and her future and what the hell was going on with her life. Alex set the tablet on a counter. She stood in front of Sam with hands on her shoulders.

"Even if it's not what we want to hear, whatever we figure out is a good thing. The more–"

"'The more we know the better off we are,'" Sam finished for Alex. She had been hearing it like a broken record from the first test Alex asked her mom to run. "Yea, I know. That doesn't mean I'm not a little freaked out. There'd be something wrong with me if I wasn't. Right?"

"Right."

Alex smiled softly at Sam. The whole talking things out was working wonders on Sam's relationships. It was still hard for her. Most of the time, she had to go against every instinct, nerve, thought, and fiber of her being to get the words out but she was seeing the results and she liked what she saw.

"Do you want me to go after Winn, or stay?"

"I don't know. Do you think he actually found something?"

"I did," Winn said. He walked back into the lab. A different tablet was in his hands. He held it up. "This is the alien database J'onn asked me to compile from the old database the DEO used. It's organized, updated, and portable. I hate to toot my own horn but–"

"Winn," Alex said. She gave him a 'focus' look.

"Right, right right right. The database isn't important. What is, is what I found. Check it out."

He tilted the screen toward the Danvers sisters. Sam had no idea what she was looking at. Alex did though. She mimicked Winn.

"Holy shit."

"Exactly."

"What species?"

"Woah. What?"

Sam did not like the direction that this conversation was taking. What species? What in the hell did that mean? It was scaring her.

"Yea," Winn said. "Just like it sounds, Sam. I think Cadmus injected some kind of alien DNA into your arm to achieve…," his free hand waved around her left side, "that."

She looked at Alex. Her sister stepped closer and held onto her wrist. The weight and pressure of her hand was marginally comforting.

"What kind?" She asked again.

"Coluian."

"Why does that sound so familiar?"

"Remember Indigo?"

"Holy _shit_ ," Alex said quietly. "You're kidding."

"I'm not. Well, it's coluian based so it's not exactly like she has Indigo in her body."

Nothing they were saying made sense. Sam did latch onto the dismay in Alex's voice. Whoever this Indigo person was, it wasn't good news for them.

"So what 'exactly' is in her body?"

They were talking like Sam wasn't there. Her anxiety was skyrocketing since she had no idea what anything they were saying meant except that it was apparently not good. With her anxiety rising so was her frustrating.

"I'm right fucking here," She said, "Could you please explain what the hell you're talking about?"

"Right, sorry," Winn said.

Alex was the one to explain though. "Indigo is a tech alien that gave us some problems when Kara started her career as Supergirl."

"What does that mean for me?"

"Well," Winn said, "we need to test for that. Coluians have a lot of abilities attributed to them. I think that we need to see if you have any as well as get a sample of your little buddy, which by the way, I love that _that_ is what we are calling it. It's hilarious."

"Winn."

"Yea, so, if we get a sample of the actual tech organism then we should be able to compare it to the info in Indigo's file. Now that we know to look there."

"What do you mean the actual tech organism?"

"Something is expanding the tech in your body. Your mom noticed the spread in Midvale. Today, we established that its gone even farther. There should be an organism leading the charge."

That made Sam feel uncomfortable. She was sharing her body? The idea that it was a bad guy alien, for lack of a better term, made it even worse.

"How far?"

Winn and Alex shared a look. Sam was just all sorts of uncomfortable. It was pushing in from all directions and their little look made it worse.

"Fucking tell me where in my body this little thing is. _Now_."

"Your torso. It's hard to tell but as far as we can, it has been systematically working left from right. It's gone up your arm, up your neck and down you shoulder."

"It's in my head?"

"Yes and no."

Sam didn't have time for Winn to beat around the bush about this. She needed facts. Straight, without all his bullshit fluff and jokes. But, Sam grinded her teeth to keep her words in check. Winn was helping her, and he was just being Winn. Nothing out of the normal.

"It is in your head, but it isn't effecting your brain in a psychological or, uh, emotional or mental way. I don't really know how to explain it. Like, it's enhancing the muscles and skin and bone, but it isn't doing anything to affect _you_. Like the parts of your brain that makes you Sam. Does that make sense?"

Sam nodded. It made more sense than if Winn had explained it in a scientific or medical way. It also helped calm her down. If this thing, organism that is in her body wanted to hurt her, it probably would be making a beeline to take over her mind. She still wasn't happy about her little buddy, but she felt marginally better about the thing.

"What now?"

"We test," Alex said.

"It's really our best," Winn agreed. He reached for the tablet Alex had set down. "I'll keep records, so we can compare them."

"Do you need to change?"

"Depends," Sam started to answer Alex's question, "what am I doing?"

"We're putting you through Superhero Kindergarten."

Because that made so much sense. Sam looked at them like they were crazy. They had put Mon-El through superhero kindergarten because he was a _superpowered alien_. Despite what they said, Sam was still very much human. She was not thrilled about having to do this. She was also not thrilled about what their chosen form of testing was. What did they think this organism was doing to her?

"I don't need to change."

She was in her work clothes. If her DEO uniform was good enough for missions, then it would stand up to superhero kindergarten. She really hoped. It's not like she knew what to expect.

"Let's get to it then."

They went down to the training room set aside for Kara, and Mon-El when he had still been around. It was empty. They all knew Kara hadn't used it since Mon-El left. A few concrete slabs with handles lay around the room. A wooden dummy made of some kind of metal was in the corner. It's posts giving its shadow a weird shape. A few free weights took up a corner of the room. Otherwise, it was empty. Sam noticed the lines in the floor and assumed it was like the obstacle training room in the basement.

Winn set himself up in the corner next to the door, a full view of the room in front of him. Sam's assumption was confirmed as a slab of the floor moved up from a button push from his tablet. Winn used it as a table. He had the two tablets, two cameras, and a laptop in front of him.

"I'm all set," he said as he adjusted one of the cameras. He picked up his tablet and looked around the room as he adjusted wall-hanging cameras Sam hadn't noticed.

She turned to Alex. Her sister looked as apprehensive as Sam felt. It was obvious she didn't know what to expect.

"We'll go slow," she explained. "You _have_ to tell me everything you're feeling. If it's too much or, or if it hurts, we'll stop. Okay?"

"I'll be fine, Alex."

She was putting on a brave face. If Sam was going to get through this, honesty could take a backburner. She needed to feel strong and solid. Vulnerability didn't do that for her.

They started with the weights. Winn pulled up Sam's training records. Field agents were expected to stay in top shape. They were kept on an intense training regimen. Sam had up to date mile times, lifting maxs, and sparring results. Alex gave her a few warm up reps then put her last max weight up on the bench.

Sam had struggled to get a single rep in at the weight. Before. Now, she busted out ten like it was nothing. She sat up from the bench and looked at Alex. Her sister was just as surprised. They put more weight on. And more. Nothing they put on the bar was hard for Sam. She did notice that her right arm was getting fatigued. She told Alex who told Winn who noted it in the record they were creating.

Next, Alex had Sam move around the cement slabs. Sam was told to try with her right arm first. She was able to move the slab maybe an inch. It was an increased strength but nothing like her performance on bench projected. Then she tried with her left. Sam barely put any effort in before the slab was sliding across the floor like it weighed barely anything.

Alex was in agent mode. Sam could tell. She was showing less and less surprise, meaning she was trying to get through the testing without freaking out. Sam couldn't blame her.

"Hit it," Alex said.

"What?"

"Hit the slab."

"That's going to hurt." Sam held her left fist in her right hand, cradling it like she already punched the solid rock.

"Please Sam. We need to cover our bases and I need to know what happens if you hit something with your left."

There was no arguing with that. The whole point of them doing this was to test what she was capable of. She didn't really have the choice of saying no.

So, Sam faced the cement cube. Her hand fisted tight. She slid a foot back, drew back her arm, and threw a punch. Not as hard as she could but a solid punch all the same.

The cube shot backwards, sliding with a screech across the floor. Pieces of cement exploded out and fell to the ground. When the training rock came to a stop, there was a sizeable crater from Sam's punch. Sam heard Winn's exclamation from behind her. She didn't even look at Alex.

Instead, Sam's attention is on her hand. She flexed it a few times, turned it around to look at the skin. She looked back at the slab of solid cement now fifteen feet away from her.

"Sam."

She looked at Alex, realized that she must not have heard her the first time because Alex looks worried as hell. Her sister takes her hand to do an examination of her own.

"Are you hurt?"

"No," Sam said in awe. Her hand didn't hurt at all. Well, no. It did, but no more than had she hit someone's fleshy face. Not like she hit a solid slab of cement.

"So," Winn said as he walked up to them, "let's put down super strength. I feel like we established that nicely today."

Sam laughed. He said it so matter-of-factly. Like this was such a normal occurrence. And then she thought, it is. They all worked for the Department of Extranormal Operations. It was their fucking normal.

"This is fucking insane," She said, mostly to herself.

"Hey. It's okay. We're figuring it out," Alex tried to comfort her.

Sam wasn't sure it was comforting that she needed. It wasn't like she was mad she had this…super strength. More like she was fucking incredulous that she had _super_ fucking _strength_. In what world did she get super powers?

She ignored Alex, "What next?"

"I have a suggestion," Winn started. He seemed nervous. He kept looking at Alex, but he was trying to give his suggestion to Sam. Like he didn't think Alex was going to like what he had to say very much. "Her hand being fine suggests that she's invulnerable, like Kara. We should test that."

" _What?"_

And, oh, did Alex not like what he had to say. Sam wasn't a big fan either. Because the only way to test invulnerability was to put herself in vulnerable situations. And it wasn't vulnerable like she had to talk about her feelings.

"Hear me out! Sam, your hand didn't hurt at all from that punch, right?"

"Not anymore than if I was punching a person."

"That's solid evidence right there! Come on, Alex. You know it is. We can start small, ya know. With things that wouldn't really hurt even if she wasn't. We'll be gentle, but we need to know."

Alex didn't answer him right away. She looked at him. Looked at Sam. Looked at Sam's hand then at the cement slab. It made sense that they needed to know this about Sam. It would change a lot.

"Alex," Sam said, "we should do it."

"You're sure?"

Sam shrugged. She was sure she wanted to know. "As sure as I can be about potentially being in pain."

"We'll start small," Alex said, nodding to Winn too.

Sam didn't know what 'start small' meant. How small could they start? Her question was answered when Alex came back into the training room with a reflex hammer from the med bay. They tested Sam's knees for reflexes and they tested but it wasn't even uncomfortable for Sam. Just a small tap.

Next, Alex came back with their beginner sparring equipment. She made Sam put it on. Sam hadn't worn the chest/stomach pad since her first week at basic training for the army. Sam braced herself, hands gripped behind her back, as Alex pulled back. She landed a hard punch to Sam's stomach, on top of the pad and mostly on her left side. Sam cracked an eye slowly then both as she realized it didn't hurt. She shook her head at Alex who looked worried.

The last safety test they did made Sam nervous. She could still remember the sting of the bean bags from the obstacle course. Winn stood 20 feet in front of her with one of the bean bag cannons. It was pointed straight at her. Alex made her put on her motorcycle helmet and despite her nerves over being hit with one of those bean bags, she also felt ridiculous.

Her eyes closed as Winn started a countdown from three. At one, Sam tensed. Her core flexed in anticipation for the hit. And, boy, did it hit. A solid impact on her left ribcage. It didn't hurt. At all. Sam ripped the helmet off her head. She pulled her shirt up hastily and looked at the spot where she had been it. There wasn't even a red mark.

"Holy shit," she said as she looked up at Alex, shirt still held up.

"We need to go bigger," she said.

Sam could tell she wasn't crazy about the idea. She could also tell that Alex was not crazy about the results they were getting. It was stressing her sister out even if she was trying to hide it behind Agent Danvers.

All of their next tests proved the same thing. Sam was invulnerable. They didn't try for bulletproof. Alex drew a very angry line at that suggestion from Winn. But bats, batons, the wooden handle from a broom Winn found, all bounced off or broke against Sam. Harmlessly. Winn, and a nervous Sam, did manage to convince Alex to let them try a blade. It was a slower experiment. Alex retrieved a scalpel from her lab and slowly dragged it along the side of Sam's arm, gradually putting more pressure on the blade. Nothing.

The reality of being invulnerably with super strength was not real. Sam actively didn't think about the results of each test. This wasn't what her life was supposed to be. She was perfectly happy in her role of completely normal human agent of the DEO.

But they established improved speed. Incredibly improved speed. Winn wouldn't call it super speed since he knew she wasn't as fast as Kara or, as far as he knew, Superman but it was much faster than any human.

Winn had jokingly mentioned that Coluians could fly, maybe Sam could too. After an awkward and slightly embarrassing round of tests, it was established that Sam didn't just have improved speed. It was more along the lines of improved agility. Her jumping ability was superhuman. She wouldn't be bounding over buildings but maybe a car or two, a semi, Winn had joked, if she really put her mind to it.

Super strength, invulnerability, superhuman agility. That was all they found out. No other test produced any…powers. Winn started to pack up, leaving Alex and Sam to talk. Sam remaining quiet. If Alex wanted to talk then she would do all the work for it.

"Are you okay?"

"Apparently, I'm more than okay."

"Come on, Sam, don't deflect right now. I wanna know how you're doing with all this. It's…"

"Ridiculous? Unbelievable? Oh, no, wait. I have a good one: out of this world?"

She was in full denial, deflect mode. Sam knew it. Alex called her on it. But it was too much. She wasn't supposed to be superpowered. They already had one of those in the family.

"I'm not going to push you on this. I…I get it, I guess. I mean, not really but I can imagine that this is a lot. But, Sam, I'm here if you want to talk about it."

"Yea, thanks."

"You need to tell Lucy."

Sam hadn't even thought about that. She groaned and dropped her head back. That was going to be an interesting conversation. Sam played it out in her head: _Hey Lucy, how was your day? Mine was great. I have super powers!_

"I'll tell everyone else."

"What? No. Not yet."

"Yes, Sam. This isn't something we can get to in time. We have no idea how this is going to affect your life. Especially here at work."

"Am I going to lose my job?"

"No," Alex said. Adamant and sure. "We work with Supergirl for crying out loud. There is no way you will lose your job. I promise I won't let that happen."

That made Sam feel a little better. She trusted Alex with this. Hell, she trusted Alex with anything and everything. If her big sister said she wouldn't lose her job, then Sam wouldn't. The decrease of stress barely registered. The rest of it was enough that it almost didn't matter that some stress was gone.

It all started to hit Sam. She groaned and ran both hands over the top of her head, down to push the heel of her hands against her temples. She said, "What the hell am I going to do? I have fucking _super powers_. What the actual fuck?"

"It's okay. It's totally okay. We can deal with this," Alex said. She sounded marginally calmer than Sam did. "We've done this before. We know how to handle powers."

"Not well!" Sam was fully freaking out now. "It took us months to figure Kara out. Really, more like years because just recently she got comfortable with them."

She started pacing the training room. What in the hell was she going to do? This was so different than what she expected from her arm. Sam assumed it would become useless or heal wrong or…or anything but super powers. Plural. As in multiple super abilities.

"Holy fuck," she breathed out under her breath, "fuck fuck fuck."

She didn't notice Winn slip out of the room. Sam was too consumed in her head. This changed everything in a way that she didn't anticipate. She knew her dad had enhanced abilities. Shit, Sam had been on the receiving end of those enhancements, but she didn't expect to get any.

What if she couldn't handle having them? Was she expected to put on a stupid suit and save the world like Kara? Sam did not do skirts. Or bright colors. _Or_ secret identities.

"I have to sit down," again, she said it under her breath. Alex was quick to help her though. Her sister was only a step away the whole time, trying to let Sam work her way through the panic but not committing enough to leaving her alone to work through it.

Alex knelt next to Sam. She kept a hand on Sam's knee. Sam's elbows rested on her thighs. She held her head in her hands.

"It's not that different, Sam. You're okay."

"'Not that different?' Alex. I have _powers._ Everything is fucking different."

"Okay, sure. It is different. Now, instead of taking a beating like the rest of us, you'll breeze through all our missions. That doesn't sound half bad to me."

Sam wanted to appreciate what Alex was trying to do. And, honestly, that didn't sound bad. There was plenty that was left unsaid that sounded terrible.

"What if I can't control it? Kara spent years struggling to control her strength." Sam's eyes went wide, and her head snapped up, "What if I break Lucy's nose?"

She groaned again. Alex chuckled then said, "I see where your priorities are."

"I'm serious, Alex! I don't know how to do any of this. There's so much I can mess up because I don't know. This is bad."

"You haven't messed up yet. It's been weeks and unless you wanted to use them, none of these powers popped up. I think you have more control than you think."

"How is that possible?"

"I don't know. I wouldn't question it either. Maybe you're finally catching a break."

Sam scoffed, "Yea, my break comes after being abducted, experimented on, and given alien powers. Sounds about right to me."

"Go home and tell Lucy. Then, come back tomorrow. We'll keep figuring it out."

"You're gonna tell everyone else?"

"If that's okay with you?"

"So okay," Sam said. She smiled sheepishly at Alex. "I don't want to have that conversation more than once. Thanks Alex."

"Of course. I'll see you tomorrow."

Alex had dismissed Sam early. Not that she was technically back at work, but Sam was holding it up to a normal work day. Not that any day after this was going to be normal. That thought aside, it was only four in the afternoon. Lucy didn't leave work for another hour. Sam had some time to waste. She decided just to head back to her apartment. There was a lot in her head that she needed to process through. Maybe it would make telling Lucy all of this a little easier.


	128. Chapter 128

Sam had options, and she need to take them. Common sense told her that Lucy would be fairly rational about Sam's new...abilities, but it would be unwise to expect her to be completely okay with it all. So, she needed to capitalize on the options she had in telling her.

Her first option was in where she'd tell Lucy. Her apartment. Lucy's apartment. Somewhere public like Lucy's work or the bay walk park. None of those felt right. The only place that did was the DEO and Sam wasn't sure that was such a great idea. There'd be too many people there that would try to explain it to Lucy for her. But, if they went into Kara's training room then Sam could show her. That felt right all around.

With that decision made, the rest fell into place. There was no way to go about telling her so Sam would show her. All the test Alex and Winn ran her through, Sam would show to Lucy. Well...not all of them. She would spare Lucy having to swing a bat at Sam to see she's invulnerable. That seemed like a little much. Sam didn't think she had to break to Lucy easy. She knew about Kara, had known about Clark for years. Lucy, briefly, worked for the DEO. This wouldn't be shocking that Sam |could| do it, more so that |Sam| could do it.

Logically, it would all go well. Sam had nothing to worry about. Lucy would take this in stride. But. That didn't stop doubt from creeping in. Would this cost her Lucy? They just got their relationship, which she could finally call it, started. Losing Lucy felt almost crushing. It didn't really matter how logically Sam looked at it all. The doubt moved with each view, integrated itself in.

Sam felt some panic rise up, moving along her spine and into her neck, nestling at the base of her skull. Her neck and shoulders tense. She took a couple hard, deep breaths. Instead of letting herself spiral into the negative, she fished her phone out of her pocket. Sam paces the small area of her living room and kitchen as the line rang.

 _"Hello?"_

"Hey. Kara. It's Sam."

 _"Hey, Sam."_

They both paused. Quiet over the line. Sam rolled her eyes, at herself and her situation with Kara. It seemed like Sam was going to have to bulldoze them through this.

"I need some help."

 _"Super help?"_

"Sister help."

At a different time, Kara would've already been on her way to Sam at the first mention of 'I need'. Now it was a question. And it was a question on if Supergirl was needed, not Kara. That made Sam sad. Kara's confidence was gone, and she had aided in that, even if her part was after Kara's confidence was already low.

 _"Okay, what's up then?"_

That was promising. Slowly, Kara was coming back around with Sam. She was coming back around to being their normal Kara in general, but Sam had to work extra hard to get her normal Kara back. She had no one to blame but herself so she didn't bother focusing too much on being upset about it.

"Have you talked to Alex yet?"

 _"No? Was I supposed to?"_

"Not exactly," Sam said. Then, she explained it all. Kara listened quietly and patiently. She did have a few questions that Sam answered, to the best of her ability. There was still a lot they didn't know about what Cadmus did to her.

 _"Wow, Sam,"_ Kara said. It was clear she was trying to process it all. _"…wow."_

"Yea," Sam said, breathy as she sighed. "Wow."

 _"So, what do you need then? How can I help?"_

Sam gave a little pft then floundered for the right words. There was a lot that Kara could help with. Shit, Kara had gone through all this before. If anyone could help, it was most definitely Kara.

"Right now, I need help in how to tell Lucy. Well, no. I know how I'm going to tell her but I'm kind of freaking out about it. I guess…I guess I want you to tell me it's going to be okay. You're the only one I know who has ever done this before. I'm freaking out."

 _"It'll be okay,"_ Kara said. Short and simple. Like it would be a short and simple conversation that Sam was about to have. Sam was about to continue her whining about how she was freaking out, but Kara kept going.

 _"Do you trust Lucy?"_

"Yea."

 _"Then it'll be okay. And, it's not like she doesn't know about all this power stuff anyways, so you don't have to worry about her learning about powers and learning that_ you _have powers."_

"Yea, okay. That's true. But, like, what if she does freak out or something?"

 _"She won't."_

"Kara," Sam said. She pressed her finger tips against her forehead then ran them along her eyebrow in frustration. "What if she does?"

 _"If she does…well, it's Lucy. She's not someone who is just going to walk out on you or not try to deal with this. She's not a runner, from, like, anything."_

These were all things Sam had told herself. But, unlike her own reassurances, she actually felt herself calm down a little bit with each word Kara said to her. She wondered why she fought her sisters for so long. She had been missing out on this the whole time.

"You're right. I know you're right."

 _"It doesn't really help though, does it?"_ Kara asked with a cynical hint of humor.

"It helps a whole hell of a lot more than me just saying this stuff to myself. And, I don't know," Sam said as she shrugged to her empty apartment, "I feel a little better now."

 _"I'm glad."_

"Thank you, Kara. I don't think," Sam paused. She had been doing lightyears better than ever with opening herself up and being vulnerable with the people she loves but she wasn't a poor yet. "I would've been able to do this without this."

 _"Whatever you need, Sam. Always. You know that."_

"You too."

Another silent pause took up the line. That was the extent of why she called, Sam wasn't sure what else to say. Hanging up didn't seem like the best idea either. And, maybe Kara felt the same way. That's why she wasn't saying anything either.

Finally, Kara asked, _"Anything else?"_

"Uh, no. Nope. That was all."

 _"Alright, well, let me know how it goes. Okay?"_

"Okay. Thanks again."

 _"No problem, Sam. Bye."_

Sam hung up then looked at the clock on her phone. She didn't have a whole lot of time before Lucy was due to get off. Sam squared up her shoulders, worked her neck from side to side with a steadying breath then pulled up Lucy's text thread in her messages.

 **-Hey. Can you meet me at the DEO after work?**

That wasn't enough. Lucy was going to have questions but Sam couldn't answer any of them because she didn't want to have this kind of conversation over the phone, much less through text. She was going to have to be vague and Lucy hated vague. She couldn't help it though. Adding in 'we need to talk' would only make it worse so she tried a different, slightly more honest route. Or, as honest as she could be before they were together.

 **-It's nothing bad exactly. I just want to talk about it in person. Please don't get weirded out**

 **-That's hard to do when you say stuff like that (L)**

 **-I know! I'm sorry! It'll make sense. Just meet me at the DEO please (S)**

 **-Are you okay? (L)**

 **-More or less (S)**

 **-Bc that makes me feel better! (L)**

 **-I'm not hurt or in trouble (S)**

 **-Better. I get off in 15. I'll be there after (L)**

And that was that. Lucy was going to meet her. They were going to talk. Sam was going to tell her that she had powers. Super hero type powers. Sam took yet another deep, steadying breath, then left. She wanted a little time to get herself settled before Lucy got there.

Sam called Alex on the way there, so she wouldn't waste time explaining why she came back. Alex agreed that it was a good idea to show Lucy what she was talking about, and she reassured Sam just like Kara had. Again, Sam thought about how she used to think her sisters were the enemy. Now, they were her lifeline. It was a bittersweet feeling. After she got off the phone, Sam sent another text to Lucy. She felt bad for stressing Lucy out with very little information.

 **-I really am sorry to be all secretive or whatever but I think I should show you what I'm talking about**

A reply text didn't come right away. It filled Sam with a few nerves, but she batted them down easily. Lucy had things to take care of before she left. It was always difficult to get ahold of her before she left. Nothing out of the usual there. As the train was nearing Sam's stop in the industry district of National City, she got her reply:

 **-It's okay. I'm walking out of the office now. I'll be there soon and you can tell me (L)**

Lucy's reassurance, combined with Alex's and Kara's, allowed Sam to teeter back from the ledge of anxiety she was on. Sam did trust Lucy, just like she told Kara. And, Lucy trusted Sam. In all the craziness, Sam hadn't thought about that. It made her feel better, like she could have this conversation, and Lucy would take it in stride, and help Sam through all the craziness.

The DEO seemed empty when Sam got back. She figured it must be some kind of situation that called for agents out in the field. Since she couldn't help in any way, she was inactive after all, Sam didn't give too much thought as to the exact reason behind the DEO being a little empty. Winn gave her a wave from the computer bay but didn't come out to talk to her. He was clearly actively working. That was almost preferable since Sam was on a mission.

Once in the training room, the same one as she was just a little bit ago, Sam started to pace again. She walked circles along the perimeter of the room. She was feeling more and more ready for this conversation, but the nerves persisted. It was probably because Sam hadn't had time to come to terms with her new normal yet. Now, she had to share it. With Lucy which made it easier, but it wasn't enough for her to feel completely at ease with this.

Sam couldn't keep walking in circles as she waited. She was already starting to get dizzy from her circle power walking. So, she stopped. She looked around the room. It was kind of a mess. No one had been in to clean up since their testing. Pieces of debris, of the cement and wood chip variety, littered the floor. It was as good a distraction as Sam could find, so she started to tidy up. It wasn't hard, and it didn't take too much time. Sam checked her watch once she finished; Lucy still probably wouldn't be there for at least ten minutes, if traffic wasn't terrible. Her office was on the other side of National City from the DEO.

Sam sighed and looked around once again. Her eyes were drawn to the crater in the cement slab. She started to wonder if she would be able to do it all again. When she told Lucy all of this ridiculous stuff, would she be able to recreate the results Alex and Winn got out of her? The idea that she wouldn't be able to pressed heavy and sticky on Sam. Quickly, she crossed the room. With one hand on the cement slab, her left, she pushed. It moved easily. That was a relief.

"What the hell?"

Sam whipped around at the voice, her heart jumping to her throat. She hadn't expected anyone to be in the room with her. Because _no one had been in the room with her_. Her heart dropped like a lead weight in water when she saw it was Lucy.

"What the hell," she repeated, walking further into the room. She dropped her bag by the door and marched right over to Sam. "Did you just move that?"

"Uh…," Sam said. Her brain wouldn't catch up with the fact that words needed to come out of her mouth. She was too surprised that: 1. Someone was in the training room and 2. That it was Lucy, who she wasn't expecting for a little longer. "Wha– when…how are you here right now?"

Lucy's eyebrows collided, "That is not the important question here. Did you just move that? _How_ did you just move that?"

She didn't sound mad, Sam thought as her brain came out of it's little daze, just confused. Sam gave her a nervous smile and held her hands up. "Surprise."

Lucy just looked even more confused. Sam internally shook her head at herself. Not the best way to start this conversation. She took Lucy by the wrist and led her to a bench that had been pushed against a wall. They sat down.

"Sorry. This isn't how I wanted to start all this," Sam said.

"So, you _did_ move it?"

Sam nodded, "I did."

"How?" Lucy breathed out, surprised giving way to shocked. Sam was pleased to notice that the shocked wasn't in an appalled aversion to Sam. Just a 'what the absolute fuck' way that Sam could relate to at the moment.

"Short answer: Cadmus. The long answer is that they didn't just put metal in me. Which you know. Remember the bio-tech organism my mom found? My little buddy."

Lucy gave a short laugh. She always thought it was ridiculous for Sam to call it that. Sam thought it was easier than calling it the bio-tech organism. The nickname let her pretend it wasn't so bad. Lucy nodded.

"Okay, so earlier today when I came for Alex and Winn to run some official tests, they kind of figured out what it is."

"'Kind of' or they did?"

"They did, sorry. It's Coluian-based. Um, do you know anything about Indigo?"

"Some alien that was on Fort Rozz."

"Yea, that's pretty much all I know about her too. Except, that she was Coluian. She's the reason Winn could figure it out because she was in the DEO database."

"Sam, you're not making a whole lot of sense here."

"I know, just…it'll make sense."

Lucy scoffed, "You keep saying that and each time, it makes less and less sense."

"Be patient. Please? I'm telling you what I know, which, ya know, isn't a whole lot. If you want all the details, you should ask to Alex or Winn. But, I know enough to tell you what's going on. There's just some…background info that you need to know first."

"Okay."

Sam was winding back up. She could feel the tension in her neck and shoulders. She could also see that Lucy was tense too. She reached out, with her right hand, and took Lucy's hand. Lucy didn't pull away or anything. She held on too. It reminded Sam that this probably wasn't going to end poorly. It was the little boost she needed.

"Indigo was Coluian and the organism that Cadmus put in my system is also Coluian. They have certain…abilities that it seems I have too. Like," Sam looked to the cement slab, "what you saw when you came in. That's not it though.

"Besides the, uh, powers, it seems the organism is making a home in my body. Alex and Winn don't think it'll harm me. Kind of the opposite actually. It seems to be growing and spreading, enhancing me as it goes. Right now, it's about here," Sam gestured to her torso, "My arm too and, I guess, it's been making its way up into my head."

"You head? As in where your brain is? That doesn't sound good."

Sam shrugged, "Winn says it isn't affecting anything psychologically, just like my muscles and bones and…other body stuff. I don't really know, Lucy. This isn't my area of expertise in the least, but Alex and Winn don't think it's interested in like possessing me or whatever. It's just enhancing my body I guess. I don't…I mean," Sam shrugged again, "I'm going off them and how I feel, not science.

"But, um, we're going to continue testing what its doing to me and what I can do as a result. We don't know a whole lot. I wanted you to know what we do know. And, uh…I can show you. If you want? That's why I asked you to meet me here."

Lucy was quiet for a minute. Her hand stayed in Sam's as she turned her attention to the room around them. "Tell me first."

"Tell you what? What I can do?"

Lucy nodded. Sam did too, slowly and several times as she got her thoughts together. It felt like this was going differently than she thought but in reality, she had no idea how this was going to go. She did think it was going to go negatively because she had little confidence in her life going positively. Alex and Kara had talked her through that. This was probably going as good as it could when the person you're dating tells you they have super powers.

"As far as we've found, I have superhuman strength and agility, and I'm invulnerable."

"You think there's more?"

"Alex and Winn want to continue to test me, but there is a limit to the powers Coluians had. I definitely can't disappear into any technology."

"I take it they can do that?"

"Yea, they're tech-based aliens with the ability to control technology. Winn thinks that my abilities will be much less than theirs since my human abilities are being enhanced by theirs. It puts some limits on how it'll change me."

"Wasn't Indigo blue? Are you going to turn blue?

Lucy was smiling, and Sam was relieved to see it. Her heart settled back in its rightful place, and the tension in her neck and shoulders was slowly going away. She scratched her neck.

"I don't know. I could probably join the Blue Man Group, make a killing. That'd be kinda cool."

"Shut up," Lucy laughed, taking her hand out of Sam's to push her shoulder. She threw a point at the room in front of them, "Show me what you can do, I guess."

Sam stood up. She shook her hands out by her sides as she walked over to the cement slab first. Yes, Lucy had already seen her move it, but it seemed like the right place to start. Sam grabbed the metal handle with her left and pulled the slab across the room. She looked back at Lucy who was trying to hide that she was still surprised to see Sam actually do what she said she could do.

Everything seemed kind of stupid to show Lucy. At least, Sam would feel stupid showing Lucy the rest. What, she was supposed to just run around and jump on things? She hoped the show of strength was enough to prove she wasn't lying.

"Do you want to see anything else?"

"Do you want to show me anything else?

"Not really. I'm fast, I can jump pretty high. If you hit me with things, they don't hurt. I'll totally show you if you want, but…"

"No, it's okay. I believe you."

Lucy came over to stand with Sam. She reached for her hand but instead of holding it, Lucy held it up to look at her scars. They were mostly unnoticeable. Thin and just a little paler than Sam's skin tone. She was grateful for that. The scars were extensive. If they stood out against her skin like they had when they were fresh then Sam would be stuck with stares from strangers, or unwanted questions. Lucy's finger traced a few of them before she let go, looking at Sam.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Sam said with a nod.

"No, none of your 'I'm always fine because I'm super tough' crap. Okay? I want to know how're your doing with all this."

Sam shrugged and looked away from Lucy as she said, "Does it really matter? It's not like this is gonna go away. I'm fine because I have to come to terms with this. Pouting about it isn't going to help anyone."

"Sam," Lucy cupped Sam's face and made her look at her, "I know you're going to come to terms with this because you have to. What I want to know is how you're feeling _now_. Regardless if you think it matters or not because, brace yourself for some cringe-worthy words, it matters to me."

Sam fake gagged then chuckled a little as Lucy rolled her eyes. Her hands dropped from Sam's face. It wouldn't really hurt anything to tell Lucy. Everyone was going on about how sharing feelings was healthy and Sam knew it was true. She felt the change already from trying to be more honest emotionally with people. It would probably help her come to terms with her new superpowered normal if she talked with Lucy about how she actually felt about it.

"It's…weird, I guess. Like, I didn't think I would ever, in a million years, have to deal with anything like powers. That's what we have Kara for. It's…ya know, a little overwhelming."

"I'd this is another good reason you have Kara. She'll be a really nice resource for you in dealing with having powers. It's kind of perfect."

"Did you just call her a resource?"

Lucy shrugged with a smile, her hands skimming Sam's waist as she stepped in to hug her. "I did, because she is. Thank you for telling me."

"Yea," Sam said, hugging Lucy back. As relieving as it was to tell her, Sam was done with this conversation. She wanted to forget about it for a while. "How did you get here so fast? You didn't answer me earlier."

"Well, if you saw me moving a two-ton block of cement around, would you answer?" Lucy teased then said, "I took the light rail today since it was so nice out. No traffic on my way over."

"Ah, gotcha. Wow. That makes a huge difference. I didn't realize just how bad traffic is."

"That's what happens when you never deal with it."

"That makes me really happy that I never have to deal with it. I'd probably kill someone."

Lucy stepped out of their hug as Sam replied, moving toward her bag at the training room door. She slung it over her shoulder then looked back at Sam, obviously waiting for her to join her. Sam did and followed Lucy out into the DEO.

"Have you eaten?"

"Hell no," Sam said. "I was a little freaked out after Alex let me go home."

"Hungry now?"

"Always."

"Wait," Lucy said. "Does this mean you're going to be hungry like Kara? I don't know if I can keep up with that."

Sam hadn't thought about that. It would make sense. Kara ate so much because of the number of calories she blazed through with her super abilities. If Kara did, Sam probably would.

"I don't know. I guess we'll find out."


	129. Chapter 129

**A/N: still no editing. Sorry I've been slacking on that. It's just that time in the 3rd and 4th quarter of the school year is precious. I'd rather get stuff out to you guys as "quickly" as I can. Hope you enjoy! Thank you for reading!**

As it turned out, Sam did eat as much as Kara. The calories she was burning through between training, conditioning, and even more training were immense. If Sam wasn't in the training room with Alex and Winn testing the limits of her abilities then she was sparring with Kara, learning to control her abilities and utilize them, and if she wasn't with any of those three, Parker was putting her through obstacle course after obstacle course in order to get her back into DEO-fighting shape. It was exhausting. Sam went to work, ate through a week's worth of groceries in two days, tops, then passed out early. It felt like she barely got to see Lucy, or any of her friends and sisters unless it was work related.

The heavy work load was paying off though. Sam could feel it. Her body was getting stronger, faster, and not just because of what Cadmus put in her. Yes, her little bio-tech buddy was finishing his rounds through her body and that was affecting her, still positively, but it was also that she was getting her fighting feet back under her. The time Sam spent with Cadmus, underfed and basically tortured, had stripped away her muscle and stamina. She was starting to feel it come back.

Through it all, Sam was kept a secret. No one outside of J'onn's circle of trust was allowed to know what went on with Sam's testing or training. Alex, Winn, Parker, and J'onn, technically Kara too, were the only people within the DEO who knew the details on Sam. Outside of the DEO, only James, Maggie, Lucy, and her mom were added to that list. J'onn didn't want anything leaking back to Cadmus. He was under the impression that Cadmus had no idea what they were doing to Sam and he wanted to keep it that. This also meant that Sam was kept off duty. She was tested, she trained, but she did not take on any work. It was frustrating, and Sam wasn't fully sure why she couldn't get back into the field. Who cared if Cadmus knew or not?

The days zipped by. Too much was packed in a single day for Sam to notice time too much; except, of course, to keep on schedule. One day turned to three, then one week turned into two. As time went by, Sam was aware that her body was conditioning faster than it should have. Winn theorized it was because of the bio-tech organism and its work. This theory was thoroughly analyzed and tested. Sam sat through several blood tests, physicals, and examinations to ensure that it was theorized correctly. The most shocking thing they figured out, besides Winn being right, was that the organism was gone. No longer was it moving around Sam's body, strengthening her weak points.

This led to more tests. It also sent Alex into a nervous spiral of worry. Her theory was that it was moving on to Sam's brain. It hadn't touched her mentally but now that it was done physically, that was the next step. Sam underwent a couple MRIs and CT scans. Sam talked to multiple psychologists and underwent seven different psych evaluations. After two grueling and tedious days, Alex had to admit that her theory was wrong.

Next, they searched. And searched. Even Kara searched, using her x-ray vision. J'onn had scanned for anything strange in his Martian way. Eventually, Alex found what they were looking for. The bio-tech organism had retreated back into the metal of Sam's bionic arm. It was now happy with its newly renovated home and content to stay in the metal. There was no way to tell if this was a permanent move on the organism's part or not, so they left it alone until something else happened. Sam was forced to agree to a weekly psych cheek, just to be sure.

All of that made for a hectic new life, and today turned out no different. After having her butt handed to her by Kara, again, Sam was dragging herself to the locker room to change. She had two official sparring sessions with Kara. At the start of her day and at the end. In the middle there was her course work with Parker. Sam had actually looked forward to seeing Alex and Winn in the lab. It was her only break, besides lunch but that was barely a break. During lunch, Alex and Sam poured over Cadmus files in an attempt to find where they went. It was useless. All their experience with Cadmus thus far taught them that when Cadmus didn't want to be found, they weren't. It was all they could do though. Once in the locker room, Sam collapsed onto one of the benches and leaned back into the lockers behind her. It was a little far, her butt mostly hanging in the air and her thighs keeping her on the seat. She could feel the bruises forming. She and Kara didn't exactly take it easy during their sessions. Sam only hoped that she gave as good as she got.

The sound of someone else entering the locker room made Sam push herself into a normal seated position. Some agent she didn't really know, someone knew, walked by her toward the other end of the locker room. Sam let out the breath she was holding in order to keep herself up. She deflated with it: her shoulders drooping and hunching forward. That little act pulled out the last bit of energy she had left. Sam pulled out her phone and shot a text off to Lucy before forcing herself to get up and get change. They had made plans for tonight, specifically because their schedules hadn't been matching up, but Sam was on E. She wasn't sure she was going to be able to get through the next hour, let alone a whole date night.

Sam's phone began to ring as she left the DEO. With more difficulty than was necessary, she fished it out of her bag. Not fast enough though. As Sam tried to hit the answer button the call ended. She swore under her breath as she swiped at Lucy's name, redialing.

 _"Hey. I was just about to leave you a message."_

"I didn't get my phone out in time. Sorry."

 _"It's okay,"_ Lucy was worried. Sam could hear it, even over the phone. She had a very specific worried voice she used. _"Are_ you _okay? You sound a bit off?"_

"I'm okay, just tired. How was your day?" Sam stopped at the light rail platform, pulling the phone away from her ear as she checked her watch. She'd just missed her train. She swore again.

 _"Are you sure you're okay? What happened?"_

"Yea, no. I'm fine. I missed my train is all, but it's fine."

 _"Should we cancel tonight?"_

It sounded a little appealing. Sam was just thinking, not too long ago, about how she wasn't sure how she was going to make it through tonight. But, the thought of not seeing Lucy _again_ was worse. As tired as she was, Sam needed tonight.

Still, Sam sighed before answering, "No. At least, I don't want to. I'm just so damn tired."

 _"Okay, that's fine. Totally fine. We'll just change things up a bit. How about you come over and instead of going out, we'll order pizza and watch some movies? Stay in and relax together. Does that good?"_

"That sounds like literal heaven, Luce. Do you want me to pick up anything?"

 _"No. I'll take care of it on my way home. You go shower and change then come over."_

"Should I bring stuff for tomorrow?"

 _"Are you going to need stuff for tomorrow?"_

Lucy's voice had hints of amusement and annoyance. Sam hadn't figured out how to ask if she could stay over. It felt weird to ask after their two months of dating, but she also didn't want to invite herself over. Neither seemed like the right way to go about it. Lucy was adamant in telling Sam that she was always welcome, whenever Sam wanted. That didn't stop Sam from feeling like she shouldn't intrude unless specifically told she was allowed to.

"I hope so."

 _"Sam,"_ Lucy half sighed, half laughed, _"please listen to me and actually_ hear _me: whenever I ask you to come over and spend the evening with me that also includes spending the night with me. Always. You don't always have to, but I will always want you to unless I say otherwise. Okay?"_

"We both know I'm going to be awkward about this for at least another couple weeks," Sam said, "but, yea, okay. I got you."

 _"Looks like I'll be trying to hammer it into your head for 'at least another couple weeks' then."_

Sam couldn't help the smile she had on. Going back and forth verbally with Lucy was one of her favorite things. It was easy to talk to her, and fun. They talked a while longer about each of their days. Lucy went on and on about some quirky case they had taken on at her office. Sam listened, happy to be given a distraction from what was going on at her work.

The train ride almost lulled Sam to sleep. She was nodding off then waking with a start when the mechanical voice called out her stop. It was lucky that she didn't miss it. In the shower, Sam had the same issue. The warm water and the steady beating of the stream on her skin was worse then the lullaby of the train. The cold air that hit her getting out woke her up a little bit. Enough to pull on some clothes, stuff some more in a backpack, then trudge back toward the light rail platform.

After, what felt like, an unbearably long time, Sam was in front of Lucy's. She raised a heavy hand and knocked. It didn't take Lucy very long to answer the door and when she did, Sam took a step then all but collapsed into a hug with Lucy, letting her weight fall heavily on her girlfriend.

"I take it somebody's tired?"

Sam nodded. She felt too tired to even give a verbal answer. Lucy rubbed her back for a few seconds before gently pulling out of the hug.

"You're crushing me and, honestly, the couch is probably a better place for you right now," Lucy said. She reached a hand up to brush a few fly aways from Sam's hair back. A crease in between her eyebrows that almost rivaled the Danvers Crinkle. "You look tired, baby."

"I am so far beyond tired."

"Come on," Lucy said quietly.

She ushered Sam in the door and closed it with a soft kick behind her. Then, she led Sam into the living room and straight to the couch. Sam sat down, then let herself fall onto her side, as Lucy disappeared into the kitchen.

When she came back, Lucy had a glass of water in each hand. "Sit up and drink some of this. Have you been getting enough water lately?"

Sam nodded and drank obediently. She thought she was getting enough water, but she gulped down the glass given to her like she hadn't had anything all day. Lucy set her own glass down then offered to get Sam more. She declined. It wasn't water she wanted.

Lucy sat down further from Sam than Sam wanted. Not that it was a problem when Lucy patted her leg to tell Sam she should use it as a pillow. Sam didn't have to be told twice. She laid down and immediately enjoyed the closeness to Lucy.

"I put some water on for tea."

"Okay."

"And, I think you should drink some then go to bed rather than stay up and watch a movie."

Sam scooted onto her back in order to look up at Lucy. She didn't want to say she was pouting but Sam could feel the Danvers Crinkle settling into place and her lips turning down. Coming over then going right to bed was not what Sam wanted to get out of their night.

"What? No. I wanna spend time with you. Consciously."

Lucy smiled down at her, "I would love that, but there is no way you'll make it through even half of a movie so why bother? I'm tired too, and I have that new book I've been meaning to start too. So, we'll have some tea, a quick dinner, then go up to bed. You sleep, I'll read. We'll still be together."

It sounded _really_ nice. Lucy's bed was comfy, and her blankets were extra soft and cozy. Not to mention, Lucy was, herself, soft and cozy, and Sam's favorite part of going to bed. She just hated not being able to spend quality time with Lucy.

Begrudgingly, Sam agreed. She could feel her exhaustion weighing on her. There really was no way she was going to make it through a movie. Lucy was right. She mumbled an okay but insisted on getting the most out of their night before their early bedtime. So, Sam found herself in Lucy's kitchen, on a stool at the island as Lucy cooked.

They sipped tea and talked, Lucy cooked. The whole time they kept up a steady conversation. Flowing from one topic to the other. Some of them important but most of the topics were frivolous and easy. Lucy, as always commanded their conversation. She directed it where to go and when. It wasn't annoying like Sam might have thought if it was anyone else. Sometimes, Sam did find it annoying but mostly she liked how much Lucy talked and how good she was at it, because it was something that Sam had never been good at.

Dinner was a quiet affair. Sam was fading fast. The tea, and now the food, was working magic. The idea of Lucy's bed was becoming a better idea by the minute. She did put in a pitiful excuse for help when it came time for the dishes; Lucy laughed through it but conceded to Sam's request to help. Then it was upstairs, where Sam fell heavily onto the bed on her stomach as Lucy took a shower. The sound of the water was pushing Sam closer to sleep. She fought it. If she was going to give up a night of hanging out with Lucy for a night of sleeping with Lucy then, damnit, Sam was going to wait for Lucy before she fell asleep.

It kind of worked. She didn't exactly fall asleep. It was more of a dozing. Regardless of what state of sleep she was in, Sam didn't notice Lucy, wet hair and pajama-clad, get into bed with her. What she did notice was a gentle tugging at the blanket she was laying on top of.

"Babe," Lucy said, more gently then her tugging of the blanket. When Sam didn't react right away, Lucy said, "Sam? You should probably change."

"Uh-uh," Sam grunted out. She was warm. She was comfortable. Now all she needed…Sam scooted across the bed to put her arms around Lucy. Only to find herself denied. She grunted again.

"You can't sleep in jeans. You'll be uncomfortable."

"So? I'm fine. Just come here."

"Oh no," Lucy moved out of Sam's reach. Sam opened her eyes to see Lucy smiling at her, playful. "You may be comfortable sleeping in jeans, but I will not be comfortable sleeping with you in jeans. So, your choice: me or the jeans."

Sam gave a gritty sigh in the back of her throat as she rolled onto her back. She dropped her head to the side and glared at Lucy before rolling completely off the bed. She was only teasing, and the sing-song thank you Lucy called out behind her meant Lucy knew it too. Once she was in shorts, sports bra, and t-shirt, Sam was happy she listened to Lucy. Sure, she would've been fine in jeans, but she was so much more comfortable after changing.

On her way back into Lucy's room from the connecting bathroom, Sam paused. Lucy was in bed, propped up by her pillows with a book and her bedside lamp softly lighting up half of her face. The other half was shadowed, in warm, soft grey-browns and yellows. Lucy looked beautiful. And, it was a very domestic night. Sam didn't realize, until this relationship with Lucy, that this is what she wanted.

Sam continued her journey back to bed before Lucy noticed her standing in the doorway like a creep. She climbed into bed and across it to snuggle into Lucy's side. Her girlfriend moved to accommodate her, resting her forearm on Sam's shoulder, sort of cocooning her head. Lucy's fingers played with the sleeve of her t-shirt. In no time, Sam was fast asleep. Lucy right next to her with the feel of her breath rising and falling under arm, the sound of book pages turning was the nail in her coffin of consciousness.

Sometime later, Sam was shocked awake. It was dark. Late. Her heart stuttered as it tried to catch up from being startled. Her brain was groggy. A violent vibration pulled her attention to what woke her up: her phone. Lucy was only seconds behind her in waking up and reacting. Sam hastily turned over and felt for her phone. Its light was stark in the dark room.

"Sam?" Lucy said, sitting up and turning on the light. She squinted at Sam, who finally had her phone in hand.

"Sorry," Sam said. She was distracted though. It was Alex. As she hit the answer button, Sam looked at the clock on Lucy's side of bed. It was a little before five in the morning. That didn't sit well. Alex wasn't supposed to be at the DEO for at least another three hours. "What's wrong?"

 _"Technically, nothing, but I need you to come in. I think I found something."_

Sam looked at Lucy as Alex continued. Lucy looked confused. It almost made Sam put the call on speaker, but this felt private. Even from Lucy. Alex went on to try and explain something about a new search she was conducting in terms of Cadmus. The details didn't really matter to Sam. All she needed to hear is that Alex thought she found them. The knot of anger that Sam had pushed so far down was unfurling itself in her stomach. It was familiar and too vengeful not to feel good.

 _"J'onn wants a briefing on what I found, and I think we might be able to speed up a decision on if we can act on this if we're both there. I'm going to call Kara and Winn in too. Maybe Maggie…"_

"Okay, I'll be in soon. Uh, do you, uh, need anything? I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess you haven't been home yet?"

 _"No, but I'm fine."_

"Are you? Because working through the night isn't exactly healthy. I mean, how did you manage that? I feel like Maggie should've dragged you out of there hours ago."

The line went quiet for a couple beats. Not long enough for Sam to say something else or ask what caught Alex up, but just long enough for Sam to notice it. Then, Alex was trying to cover it up with bravado and a brave face.

 _"We kind of got into an argument last night, but it's fine. We're fine. I just decided to stay and get some stuff done."_

Sam had half the mind to tell Alex that it didn't sound fine. Truth be told, it was mostly her still groggy mind that stopped her. And, the way Lucy was looking at her, waiting for some answers as to why they were being woken up hours before either of their alarms was due to go off.

"I'll bring you something to eat," Sam said. She didn't give Alex time to object, "I'll be in ASAP."

Sam hung up, sighed, and rubbed at her eyes. They felt itchy and heavy. She did not get enough sleep to be able to handle all of this excitement. A hand rubbed her back.

"Alex?" Lucy asked. Sam nodded. "Is everything okay?"

This prompted Sam to shrug. According to Alex, things were fine but kind of not. Because it was great if they found Cadmus. But, also kind of not fine because that meant they were going to try and infiltrate them in order to find their dad. Sam also had a separate agenda to complete if they actually did find Cadmus. It also brought up a whole lot of emotions that Sam hadn't fully dealt with yet.

"Yea, I guess. Alex thinks she found Cadmus. She wants me to come in, so she can brief me before she briefs J'onn. She thinks the more people she has with her when she tells him, the faster he will give a decision on if she can act on the information."

"What exactly does that mean?"

"Alex wants to initiate a mission against Cadmus. We've been looking for them since I went back to the DEO."

"But, you aren't active duty yet. Can you be a part of this?"

Sam shrugged again. In a force of will, she pulled the blankets off her and got out of bed. Her body stretched a little uncomfortable as her hands reached above her then out at her sides.

"I guess we'll find out. Sorry that woke you up," Sam said.

Lucy didn't reply to that. Instead, she said, "Are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because Alex found Cadmus."

"So?"

Lucy moved to sit cross-legged on the side of the bed Sam slept on and was now standing by, pulling off her shirt to change it. "So, this is the same Cadmus who took you from us and did awful things to you. It's okay if you have feelings about this. I would honestly be worried if you didn't, actually."

"I do have feelings, but it doesn't really matter. I mean, I'm gonna deal with them when we deal with Cadmus. It'll be fine."

Sam turned her back to Lucy as she changed her bra, still a little uncomfortable being so…casually revealing in front of her. Quickly, she pulled on its replacement then turned back as she tugged a tight black t-shirt over her head.

"You know that's not how it works."

"I don't know," Sam said, crouching down next to her backpack as she looked through it to get out her black DEO-issued half-zip. "Sometimes it is. Who knows? I haven't been, like, freaking out or anything since this whole thing started. Maybe it will all be fine. Like, closure or whatever."

Lucy was looking unconvinced when Sam's head came out of her half-zip. She knew how it sounded. She also knew that Lucy was right. Knowing that, Sam busied herself with packing up her backpack. It wasn't going to be that easy dealing with everything Sam felt about Cadmus. But, Sam was only feeling that urge for revenge. She was excited Alex found them. That special brand of adrenaline was sparking in her veins. Not to mention, Cadmus almost guaranteed they found their dad. Sam was still angry but her new condition gave her a little insight into what he went through. Enough, that she decided not to write him off completely.

"Sam."

She sighed, stood up and turned back to Lucy. "I know. Okay? I get it. But, can we pretend that it'll all be fine, and I won't have to deal with all this emotional bullshit? Please?"

Lucy gave her a sad smile, tipping her head to the side a little bit. Sam felt weak in that moment. Admitting that she was going to have to go through all that emotional bullshit, and that she didn't want to, and was actively denying it was a little soul crushing.

Lucy held a hand out and said quietly, "Come here."

Sam took her hand and let Lucy pull her to the bedside. Lucy hugged her from her seat on the bed. Sam hugged back, dropping her forehead onto the top of Lucy's head. They stayed like that.

"I have meetings pretty much all day, but I'll keep my phone on me, okay?"

"Yea."

"Do you need anything?"

"No," Sam answered. There were a lot of things she probably needed: therapy, medication, a stable lifestyle just to name a few. But, Lucy was enough all on her own. Sam didn't need anything else from her. Sam did need to pull her own weight though. It mostly felt like Lucy doing the heavy lifting in their relationship. So, she asked back, "Do you need anything?"

"For you to kiss me then leave."

Sam laughed at that. "Oh, wow. Because that's just what every girl wants to hear."

Lucy smiled up at her, hands resting at Sam's hips. She shrugged as she waited for Sam to, obediently, lean down and kiss her. Lucy didn't let her pull back far. Her hands came up to hold Sam's face and pull her in for two more quick kisses.

Then, she said, "You know what I mean."

"I do," Sam said back. She stepped back and swung her backpack on, then leaned back to peck Lucy on the cheek. "And, I know that you're great. I won't let this get bad. I promise. I'll handle it."

"I know you will."

"Bye," Sam said, waving over her shoulder as she walked back. It was both harder and easier to walk away from Lucy in that moment. Easier because Sam knew this was going to be big. Alex found them. Cadmus was going to pay. In some capacity, Sam was going to make them pay. But, it was harder because Lucy looked soft in her bed and Sam was still tired; staying in bed with Lucy felt like it would be enough for the day. Duty beat out though and Sam walked away. Out of the house. Across town on the train. Into the DEO.

The night crew was a skeleton crew. Only enough agents to keep things safely monitored, and, if a situation did arise, adequately respond in a mindset of control until backup could be mobilized. They all looked bored, so Sam assumed it had been a quiet night. She didn't know many of them, but they all greeted her with a polite nod or hello. She responded in kind.

Alex was in her lab. Two laptops were open in front of her. Her rolling desktop, usually used for viewing magnified images from her microscope or images for reference, was next to her stool. A few windows were open on it. Two maps, some kind of list, and a whole bunch of numbers that meant nothing to Sam. She tapped two knuckles on the doorframe of the lab as she walked in. Alex turned with a terse hey then went right back to her work.

"Take a seat. We need to start prepping you for this meeting. J'onn isn't going to give me clearance for another Cadmus mission after our last stunt that…well, that got you taken," She said. At the last words she looked at Sam and said, "Sorry. I really am. That was mostly my fault."

"I made the decision to go with you. It's on me," Sam brushed off then pushed them along, "With that said, I doubt J'onn is going to give _us_ clearance after our last stunt."

"I know. That's why I called Kara. She's on her way. Winn didn't answer but James did, he said he would stop by and pick Winn up on his way in."

"Bringing in the whole crew, huh?"

Sam decided to leave Alex alone about not calling Maggie with this. Her sister was stressed enough. Sam could see it in her eyes, the set of her shoulders, the slight Danvers Crinkle that wasn't leaving her face. Alex didn't need any shit from Sam piled on top.

"All hands on deck kind of thing, I think. Right? I mean, this is Cadmus. Everyone is pissed at them for what they've been doing. If we have a shot at them, we need to take it."

"Agreed, so fill me in."

And, boy, did Alex fill her in. It was barely any solid proof of Cadmus activity, more like a theory but it was enough to make Sam believe. That wasn't the important part though. They needed to make J'onn believe. It was DHI again. Sam only knew about DHI after she was rescued. It was the company Cadmus used as a cover for their more covert activity. That alone was enough for Sam to believe they should act. DHI was Cadmus through and through. From what she was told, it was a small company, so it couldn't only be partly corrupt.

Alex went on to explain that DHI had been more active than usual lately. It was buying and selling, focusing on investing. It seemed like they were building. A big portion of their purchases was high grade technology like super computers and generators. The building Alex traced the activity to had a helipad and underground garages, according to the blueprint she was able to acquire as well as the satellite pictures she got. It was remote, it was now stocked with top of the line equipment, and it was heavily guarded with security that no other DHI facility had.

"It seems a little too easy," Sam said when Alex finished.

"What do you mean?"

That question surprised Sam. It also worried her. For Alex to ask such an oblivious question meant that she was too focused on the possibility that they found Cadmus. Her sister had amazing vision which made her a capable and successful field officer. But, when she was too invested, it sometimes was clouded by the possibilities. This only ever happened with personal affairs.

"I mean that it's all very obvious. Traceable transactions, obvious increase in security. This is Cadmus we're talking about. They're only ever found if they want to be."

"So, what? Even if this is what they want, we can't pass up this opportunity. If we go in prepared, then we might be able to gain the upper hand. I thought you would be on my side with this."

"No," Sam sighed, "Alex, I am. That's not what I'm trying to say. Just…we need to be sure is all."

"I'm sure that we need to move on this."

Sam nodded. She'd follow Alex into hell. It wasn't a question in her mind. She just needed to be sure that Alex was sure. Her sister's reaction to guilt and regret rivaled Sam's; it wasn't pretty for either of them. One thought had been in her head since Alex said Cadmus.

"Any sign of Dad?"

"No."

"But, you think he's there?"

"I do."

Before Sam could respond to that, Kara flew in. A good thing too. Sam wasn't sure what to say to Alex in terms of their dad. They both had a different stance when it came to him. While Sam had admitted to herself that morning that she was warming to him, it didn't mean that she held anything positive toward him. She was still angry.

Sam listened as Alex briefed Kara. Then again as she briefed James and Winn. It was clear that Winn was roused and rushed out of bed, he looked all sorts of ruffled, but he was alert and focused as Alex spoke to them.

Kara, James, and Winn all shared Sam's apprehension on acting on Alex's intel. Sam surprised herself, and Alex, when she backed her oldest sister. This was Cadmus, after all, and they were only going to find them if they wanted to be found. It was too good to pass up. Sam couldn't argue that point. No one could, so after a few minutes of going back and forth, all five were in agreement.

They went their separate ways then. Alex knew they couldn't ambush J'onn with this. They had to set up an official briefing. Vasquez would be there too. Alex assured them she would call with the time, so they could all be present. Kara and James left for CatCo. Winn ran home to clean up a little bit before his actual shift started. Sam stayed with Alex.

"You're sure about this, right?" Sam asked.

"It's our only option," Alex said.

"That's not what I asked. Are you sure?"

Alex paused. She looked at the monitors around them with all the information she was able to gather. Sam watched her take a breath, "I am."

"Okay."

"Really? Okay?"

"Yea, Alex. If you say we should do this, then I believe you."

Alex's eyebrows went up. "That's a nice change."

"Yea, well, that thing they say about old dogs and new tricks isn't exactly true, I guess."

"Shut up," Alex rolled her eyes, "you are not old!"

"Old enough," Sam said. Alex threw a pen at her. With her increased reflexes, Sam caught it and waggled her eyebrows at Alex. It only prompted more things to be thrown at her until one hit. "So, what's up with you and Maggie?"

Alex's playful mood dropped quickly. She became awkward and stiff. Not good, Sam thought. It scared her. Alex was her sister. Maggie was the best friend she had. They couldn't be on bad terms. Even the thought of them splitting made Sam feel one bland and heavy shade of bad.

"It's nothing."

"No, it's not. Nothing doesn't keep you from going home."

"Really, Sam, don't worry about it. I don't want to put you in the middle."

"I wouldn't be, though."

"We both know you would be and I won't do that to you. It isn't fair to your friendship with Maggie. It'll be okay. _I'm_ okay. Let's just focus on the task at hand," Alex sighed, "Cadmus."

Something shifted in Sam. Yes, she loved Maggie. She would be absolutely devasted if Alex and Maggie broke up. But, only because Sam knew that she would choose Alex over Maggie every time. She needed Alex to know that.

"Alright, but uh, I'm here. You can always talk to me."

It wasn't perfect. Not even close, but Sam couldn't get the right words to come out. She didn't know how to say to her sister that she would always pick her. So, she stopped where she was and dealt with the uncomfortable heaviness of the words that wouldn't come out. She hoped Alex understood.

"I know, and I appreciate it, but I don't wanna talk about it."

After that, Alex sent Sam away. She listened because she could tell Alex needed the time alone. Sam did make Alex promise her she would go get some sleep before they met with J'onn. Alex made Sam promise the same thing. Sam eagerly agreed. If J'onn cleared them, they were going to need all the rest they could get.


	130. Chapter 130

**A/N: Sorry this took so long. It was difficult to get down for some reason. Thanks for reading and being patient!**

After a very brief cat nap, Sam cleaned her apartment. She had hoped to sleep longer, being shocked from sleep so early that morning made it feel like she got less sleep than she did because of all the excitement. There was just too much anxious energy and thoughts for anything other than a 20-minute doze. So, she cleaned. It didn't take long. Sam wasn't a messy person and her apartment was tiny. That left her with nothing to do. Sam decided to try lying down again. Even if she didn't sleep at least she could rest a bit. It would be the smart thing to do.

As she laid in her bed, eyes closed, her thoughts spread out. Each tendril reached and split from each other. For a few blissful moments, no one thought dominated her mind. Sam was able to lay there, thinking too much to be able to think anything. Then, of course, her thoughts focused. They were dominated by Cadmus. It put a damper on her peaceful rest, but Sam let herself explore each one.

If this was it, they really found Cadmus, then Sam was going to have to control herself. Hatred didn't quite cover what she felt toward Cadmus. Before, yes. That was an adequate word. Cadmus took her father. They ruined her life. That thought was almost funny now. Because Cadmus nearly did ruin her life for real. Instead of taking her dad, they took her. They tortured her. They experimented on her. They tried to break her and they almost succeeded. Sam hated herself for that. No matter what Lucy said about it not mattering what Sam almost did because she didn't do it, Sam couldn't get over the fact that she had said yes to Cadmus and only at the last second didn't go through with it. It made her second guess everything she ever thought about herself.

Sam took a deep breath. Quietly, she repeated to herself, "I did nothing wrong. I'm still me."

The heavy press of doubt started to go away after her fifth or sixth repetition. She took another deep breath and focused on her thoughts again, letting them free. This was good for her. Sam hadn't let herself think about this at all since she first came back. She was too focused on being fine. Denial would be dangerous if J'onn let them go, so this was her last-ditch effort to come to terms with what happened. This meant that Sam had to think about what happened in all its gritty details. Not fun.

First, there was why she volunteered to go with Cadmus. She could see her dad at that moment. Cyborg Hank had thoroughly kicked his ass. He could barely stay on his feet, even with Alex's help. He was beat up, he was weak physically and mentally. Sam hadn't thought twice about it. If he went, he'd die. If Alex went, it would take them too long to save her. Kara couldn't go. It had to be Sam and she would've volunteered again if given the same choice. Each and every time she would choose her family over herself. She was a Danvers after all.

Realizing all of that made Sam feel stronger, better. She made the right choice. There was no way for her to argue that she didn't or shouldn't have. It gave her a sense of peace about the whole thing. Because, the more she thought about it, what happened to her would've happened to whoever else she would've let take her place would have gone through everything she did, with Lilian and the experiments and the way they treated her. And Elijah.

Fear and hatred shuddered up Sam's body at the thought of the man. She could see his face clearly. Black hair framing his too pale skin, fiery almost black eyes, and that stupid smile. She didn't waste any more thoughts on him. Nor did she think about what she would do to Lilian if she was there when they went after Cadmus. All Sam let her think and plan was making them pay, no specifics. That was enough for her.

Her phone buzzed loudly in the quiet apartment. It made Sam flinch. She sat up and checked the message. It was Alex, the meeting was set to start ASAP, meaning that Sam needed to get back to the DEO. She was up and out of her apartment in no time. Times like this were when she wished she had some kind of personal transportation instead of relying on public transit. But, there was nothing she could do about it now.

Unlike the first time she was at the DEO that day, there were more agents and hustle and bustle. Sam was hit with a longing to get back to work. Training and testing kept her busy, but she missed the sense of purpose from real work.

Instead of heading for Alex's lab, like she had been since coming back to the DEO, Sam went to the big conference room. Alex was already there. So were James, Winn, and Kara. Sam had seen J'onn in the computer bay with Vasquez and Parker.

"Hey," Alex greeted as Sam walked in, "Maggie's on her way, but she's just here for moral support since she's not DEO."

"Same here," James said. He raised his hand then dropped it down to rest on his hip again. "I can weigh in as Guardian or offer city support like last time though."

"Thanks James," Alex nodded at him, "We talked this morning and nothing's changed. I just want to make sure we all know the game plan."

Alex stopped as Maggie walked in. They shared a look and an awkward smile before Maggie apologized for interrupting and then took a seat next to Sam. Alex looked at her a moment longer then pushed herself back to the task at hand. Sam looked at Maggie, who was too focused on Alex talking to not be ignoring Sam, then she looked back at Alex, who seemed nervous. It wasn't the time to worry about her sister though. Sam tried her best to focus back on their looming briefing with J'onn.

"With that said, we have to make this look appealing to J'onn. He's not going to want to let us go, but this is our best lead since they went off-grid, and knowing Cadmus, we won't get another one. We have to act on it. Other than giving him those facts, I don't know how else to get him to agree. What do you guys think?"

"It can't come from either of us," Sam said. They all looked at her for an explanation, "You've always had a blind spot when it comes to Cadmus, and I have a more personal reason for a vendetta than them just taking Dad. J'onn's not going to believe we made this decision for rational, logical reasons."

"Good point," Alex said.

"I can run some probability scenarios. If they come back in the positive then that's some concrete data on our side," Winn said, "I don't make any promises they'll actually come back positive but it's worth a try. It should only take me a couple minutes."

He got up and left. Sam wondered what those stats would look like. She wondered what info Winn would put in to get them. Was there an option for revenge-obsessed sisters? There should be because Alex _and_ Sam were liabilities for this mission.

"I think," Maggie started, cautious, "that volunteering to sit this one out would almost guarantee a clearance."

"What?" Sam whipped to the side to look at Maggie. She couldn't believe she was saying that. This was everything Alex and Sam wanted, had been working toward. They needed this. "You're kidding, right?"

Alex didn't say anything. Sam looked to her sister and saw her looking a little sadly at Maggie. Ah, Sam thought. Their fight must have been along these lines.

"I'm not," Maggie said, "We're worried J'onn will say no because of you two, right? So, why not take the two of you out of the equation? It's the obvious solution."

"No. Hell no," Sam said.

Alex sighed, looking down before up at those in the room, "Any other ideas?"

Maggie got up, shaking her head, and walked out of the room. Awkwardly and stiffly, Alex excused herself to follow. Sam turned to watch Alex grab Maggie by the wrist to stop her. Kara and James ignored it and kept brainstorming. Sam stood and went to the door. She watched, and listened, her sister and friend argue. She intended to step in, help somehow, but stopped when she heard Maggie.

"You say you want kids and then you pull this shit, Alex. Suicide revenge missions and kids at home do _not_ go together!"

"Don't," Alex pulled into herself, crossing her arms tight, "Don't try and use that against me. You don't want kids. That has nothing to do with why you don't want me to go."

Sam's senses came back to her. Eavesdropping on an obviously private conversation wasn't in her best interest. She closed the door to the conference room then turned back to Kara and James. Her head really wasn't in the conversation though. It was on Alex and Maggie.

The thought of Alex as a mom wasn't shocking to Sam. She thought her sister would be great, Maggie would be too as far as Sam was concerned. They'd be great parents together. Except, apparently, Maggie didn't want that. That was a little shocking to Sam.

"Right, Sam?"

"Huh," She looked up to Kara and James looking at her, waiting for an answer to whatever question she didn't hear.

She was saved as Alex came back in, sans Maggie. Alex looked sad, but she was covering it with work. Sam dropped her eyes to the table. Alex didn't need to see Sam's worry, and her own sadness at the possibility of losing Maggie.

"Sorry about that. Did you guys come up with anything?"

"Where's Maggie?" Kara asked, oblivious because she was focused on the task at hand.

"Oh, uh, she got called back," Alex said, "What'd we come up with?"

James took over there, much more observant. "We were just asking Sam if you had anything planned out for this? It could help if we seemed organized."

"I do."

"A solid lead, a plan of attack, and hopefully good outcomes from Winn's probability run could be all we need," Kara said.

"It'll have to do," Alex checked her watch, "The briefing starts in five minutes. I'll go check with Winn."

Alex marched out. James and Kara distracted themselves with some conversation about CatCo. Sam half listened for half a minute before she excused herself. She pulled her phone out and hit Lucy's contact. The line rang a few times before she answered.

 _"Hey. How'd it go?"_

"Hey, hasn't yet. Alex is checking something with Winn before we start."

 _"Okay,"_ Lucy paused. When Sam didn't offer anything else up, she asked, _"Was there anything else?"_

"No. I was just calling to update you. How, uh, are your meetings?"

There was another short pause. _"They're fine. Long and a little tedious, but we're getting a lot done."_

"That's good. What time is your next one?"

 _"About 15 minutes. I'll call you when I'm done?"_

Sam didn't fully hear Lucy as Alex came back, Winn on her heels. Alex nodded into the conference room as she passed Sam. Winn whipped up two thumbs up. His tests must have gone well.

 _"Sam?"_

"Yea, sorry, Alex just came back so I gotta go, but, uh, yea. Call me when you're done. I should have an actual update for you then."

Sam laughed a little at herself. She had called Lucy because seeing Alex and Maggie fight got her down. She was nervous about the meeting. She just wanted to talk to Lucy. There really wasn't anything to say to her. Just that Sam wanted to say something.

"I'm sorry I called. I just…I don't know."

 _"You don't have to be sorry. Good luck with your meeting, I'll talk to you in a little bit."_

"Alright. Bye," Sam said. She pulled her phone away after Lucy said goodbye.

Once in the conference room, Sam listened as Winn broke down what he found. Their odds weren't…great. Each one had the DEO winning each match up but only by 63%, at their luckiest. The worst he got was 51%. He ran ten tests. Those odds did not seem good enough to get J'onn on their side, but they didn't have time for any other ideas.

As they were still bickering about what to do, J'onn knocked on the conference room door with a knowing smile. They all quieted immediately, Winn with a stupid guilty smile on his face like they got caught doing something. Sam rolled her eyes at him as she took a seat.

J'onn sat at the head of the table. Vasquez to his right with her laptop, as always, out and ready. He looked at each of them before folding his hands together. Vasquez caught Sam's eye.

"Good to see you back around here, Sam."

"Thanks."

"As good as it is," J'onn said, he smiled at Sam before getting serious, "we do have a purpose for this meeting so let's get to it. Agent Danvers?"

For a moment, nerves seized Sam's chest. Then, she remembered that Alex was the Agent Danvers he was referring to. She stood up and clasped her hands behind her back.

"We know where Cadmus is most likely hiding out. I move that you clear a team to infiltrate the location."

"Objective?" J'onn butt in.

"Search and seize," Alex said.

"Your proof?"

Alex went through the list. It seemed even more thin and flimsy when they were presenting it to J'onn. Once done, she handed it over to Winn. He covered his odds of success. The whole time J'onn sat without an expression. Vasquez typed in a steady frenzy, keeping up with the conversation for the report. Sam was distracted by remembering the reports of Vasquez's she was able to read while working in reports. The woman's typing skills were impeccable. Alex taking back over brought Sam back into the meeting.

"I'm well aware that this isn't concrete proof that we will find the higher-ups of Cadmus, but this facility is active. I'm also well aware that Cadmus probably wants us to do this. It is too good of an opportunity to pass up, J'onn. We'll be careful, we'll be ready for it to go sideways. We have to take advantage of this before they slip under again."

The room was still for a moment. Vasquez's typing had stalled with no words being said. Sam looked at J'onn. Then Alex. Back at J'onn. At Kara then Winn then Alex. Back to J'onn.

"Am I right in assuming it would be your team, Agent Danvers, that we would deploy?"

"Yes, sir."

"I would like some privacy with the Danvers sisters."

No one thought twice about it. The three without the last name Danvers left the room. Alex, Kara, and Sam stayed seated, and Sam got nervous. This didn't feel good to her.

"It doesn't feel like the right decision to give you this clearance, Alex," J'onn said, "Your track record with Cadmus isn't good. And," He raised a hand to cut off her objection, "I'm not blaming you for anything that happened. I'm just stating the facts, as you did about this particular mission.

"But, the last time I didn't give you clearance, you went anyway. There doesn't seem to be a right answer here, not with you. So, what would you have me do? Say yes and possibly be sending you right into a warzone with the organization you all hate most. Or, say no and pretend like you won't go in anyway, without backup."

"J'onn, we can handle this," Kara said.

"I don't know if you can. Any of you."

They fell silent like they were being scolded. Sam felt the burn of shame low in her stomach. J'onn was calling them out, and rightfully so. Alex was blinded in her hatred of Cadmus. Kara was barely repaired. Sam was newly powered and still angry as ever.

"But, if I had the same opportunity back on Mars as you do with Cadmus here, I would do anything to take advantage. I'll give you clearance but hear me: this is no suicide mission."

His eyes drilled into Alex. Then, they moved on to Sam. That burn of shame immediately gave way to a shock of anticipation. He was going to let them go! Officially!

"We need to be realistic too. The odds of your father being there…they're slim to none, girls."

"We know," Alex said.

"No, I don't think you do. For as long as I've known you two, Alex and Kara, you have never given up hope when your father is concerned. He betrayed Cadmus, escaped, and then went back to them. He probably won't surface for a while."

What J'onn was implying hung heavy in the air. Alex and Kara looked uncomfortable. Sam grew uncomfortable as she realized that she wasn't as worried as they were. Her focus was on her within-reach revenge, not her dad. That didn't sit well with her, but it didn't change anything.

"And you," J'onn said, turning to Sam, "I can only imagine what is running through your head. You need to be smart, stay on task. This isn't a revenge mission either."

Some thoughts of the opposite started to bloom but Sam stomped them out, hoping that J'onn wasn't reading her mind. If he was, which she doubted, she hoped he didn't catch those forming thoughts. He didn't say anything, and his expression didn't change. Then Sam really thought about what he said.

"I can go?"

"We'll consider this your first field test," J'onn said with a small, kind of nervous, smile.

"Yes, sir."

"What about Supergirl?" Kara asked.

"If we're going to use this as a field test for Sam's powers, I think you need to be on standby."

"What? No! I need to be in there with them!"

"I agree," Sam said, "I'd feel better if she was in there with me. Sir."

"Alright, then. I want you all to come home. No deals, no trades. Nothing. You go in, you come back out." They all nodded their understanding. "I'll inform Vasquez; she'll start preparations. We'll monitor their activity for the next 24 hours. Standard pre-mission operations start now."

With that, they were dismissed. J'onn pulled Alex out with him. Kara and Sam walked out together. They were both quiet, each caught up in their own thoughts. J'onn had laid them bare. The sisters didn't think they were hiding their emotional obstacles well, but it was easy to forget how intuitive J'onn was, even without reading any minds. Sam had actually thought she was coping well. Her drinking was down, she was communicating. Things were different. Except, that was only on the surface. The flare of eager vengeance that she felt when Alex told her they found Cadmus proved as much.

Even as she was telling herself that she would need to be careful, Sam was concocting her own plan for their upcoming mission. It was simple: do as much damage to Cadmus as she could. Whatever that looked like, that was her main concern. Her dad fell to the backburner. Alex was concerned enough about him for both of them. Sam let herself be selfish.

"I gotta get back to work," Kara said. They were stopped on the platform before the DEO lobby area.

"What about sparring?"

"Standard pre-mission ops. We don't have too and I think we should take a break anyway. If we're going up against Cadmus, then we need to be rested. Plus, I need to meet some deadlines to avoid any pressure for when I take tomorrow off."

"Right," Sam said. That made sense. She looked back toward the computer bay, "I could probably skip conditioning too then."

Kara shrugged. "Yea, I would. I mean, it's not gonna do us any good if you're sore, and you don't have to. Take a break, Sam. You've been working really hard lately."

Before Sam could answer, she pulled her into a tight hug. It wasn't short like Kara had been trying to keep their hugs. This one was long like how she would hug Sam when she first got back from her time with Cadmus. Usually Sam would get uncomfortable or try to pull out of it. Not today, and not after her fight to get Kara back after their fight.

"We can do this," Kara said. Then, she smiled and left.

Sam didn't just stand there and watch her go. She was right on Kara's heels. Kara's very speedy heels that kicked her up into the air as soon as the door was open enough for her to slip out of it. The weather wasn't great out, but Sam decided to walk home. She'd be able to get some of her jittery nerves out and maybe get deeper into her head, not something she usually tried to do. She pulled her phone out before she got too into her thoughts and texted Lucy.

 **-J'onn cleared the mission. 24hr surveillance then we go**


	131. Chapter 131

**A/N: minimal editing.**

The walk home gave Sam nothing except more of the same. It made her realize that she had been going in circles for awhile now too. She never noticed because being emotionally honest with herself, and others, was new; the realizations and conclusions she'd been coming to about her dad, herself, and, more recently, Cadmus were repeating themselves. She hated Cadmus and wanted them destroyed. She was starting to hate herself less and less. She maybe hated her dad but definitely didn't want him destroyed even though he was in some capacity willingly involved with Cadmus.

The repeating thoughts were frustrating. Sam wondered why, if she had thought them, worked through them as much as she could, and wanted them to go, they didn't go away. She'd caught herself lately wandering right into those thoughts. Anytime her mind was able to wander that's where it went. Not because she wanted to think about those things. It seemed like Sam didn't have control of it, and she hadn't noticed until she tried to because she'd been so busy. She thought she didn't have time to think, but it would seem like she was wrong.

Once at her apartment, Sam was disappointed to remember that she had done all her cleaning that morning. Now she had no outlet for how antsy she was feeling. Maybe she should have stayed at the DEO and gotten a workout in. It would've been a better decision than doing nothing at her apartment. Sam looked out the window. It really was kind of crappy out. Grey and muggy with rain that hasn't fallen yet but was due soon. The view out of her window didn't push her away from the idea of going for a run. If anything, running in the rain sounded kind of nice. Sam changed, pulled on her running shoes and headphones, then was quick to get out of her apartment. It was feeling stuffier than outside in the humid heat.

The steady thump of her feet on the pavement. The bump of her music. The sticky air getting some movement as she cut through it. The easy freedom of this newly effortless exercise. Sam didn't realize how much she missed running until she felt those things. If she had been able to breathe a little easier she may have laughed. Sam usually hated running, thought it was among the most terrible activities in the world. It seemed captivity did weird things to a person.

She ran farther than she meant to. Her phone was playing the perfect shuffle of her workout playlist and she was just feeling everything about the moment she was in, so she extended that feeling as long as she could. When the rain started, Sam extended it even more. She didn't stop until her playlist was broken up by her ringtone. Without checking the ID so her phone didn't get wet, Sam hit her headphone knob to answer.

"Hello?"

 _"Hey! Whatcha doing?"_

"Hey, Luce," Sam said with a smile. Her endorphins, and the other hormones in her brain she knows Alex told her about before but couldn't remember, were firing higher than they had been in a long time. Sam was feeling the perfect storm of almost giddy. Her breathing was a little labored as she went on, "J'onn gave us the day if we didn't have anything pressing and I don't, so, I went for a run. How was your meeting?"

 _"You went for a run? And you sound this happy? Man, I gotta get whatever you're on."_

Sam laughed, and turned to start walking back to her apartment. She checked her watch which told her she'd been running for over an hour. She made a surprised face at that. It hadn't been on purpose. Maybe the outlet was needed more than she thought.

 _"My meeting was fine,"_ Lucy went on. It didn't sound like she thought it was fine or like she enjoyed it. _"I have some time before my next one though. Do you wanna get lunch?"_

"Uh…yes, of course. I'm just, ya know, kinda gross and soaking wet right now."

 _"Ew. Why are you so wet?"_

Sam let out a little scoff. "Have you looked outside lately?"

 _"No, why? Oh,"_ There was a pause as, Sam assumed, Lucy finally got to a window, _"You went for a run in the rain? That's weird, Sam."_

"It's kinda nice actually."

 _"It's weird, but to each their own. I'm not going to judge your weird opinions."_

"Ohhh-kay," Sam laughed, "I really feel the non-judgement."

Lucy laughed too. It made Sam's smile turn soft. She really liked listening to Lucy laugh. Not to mention, it was much better when she caused it. Sam rolled her eyes at herself and laughed under her breath.

 _"My next meeting isn't until 1:45 so you have some time to get home and all that. I'll head your way. Where do you wanna eat? I can meet you there."_

"Why not just my place? You could pick something up on your way over? That way we have a little more time," Sam said as she looked around. She'd been going in a circle back toward her apartment, so she could cut through the loop she was making, but it would still take her a little bit to get back to her apartment. She didn't want to waste any of Lucy's time. Especially, since she had been in meetings all day. She'd be tired and maybe a little grouchy. Sam didn't want to put more on her plate.

 _"How far did you run?"_

"Farther than I meant to. It'll probably take me at least fifteen minutes to get back, then I gotta shower. I just don't wanna take too long and have you waste time coming over here."

 _"That's sweet, and I'm a little drained. I think a break from people is a great idea."_

"Alright! Well, order whatever you want for lunch and I'll see you soon."

 _"Oh, wait! Tell me about the briefing."_

That dropped Sam's mood a little bit. She had been able to not think about Cadmus or her dad or her new normal, which was ridiculous since she just ran for over an hour and didn't feel sore. It wasn't enough to kick her out of her good mood though.

"It was good, but we can talk about it when you get here."

 _"Okay. Fair enough. I'm already out of the office,"_ Lucy let out a little sighed grunt, _"I couldn't even stop at my desk to put my stuff down, that's how ready I am to be out of here. I'll be there soon."_

"Okay, cool. I'll see you soon then."

 _"Bye."_

Sam was already jogging when her music came back on. It took her a little longer than her estimated fifteen minutes to get back to her apartment, but Lucy wasn't there yet, so Sam didn't worry about it. She stripped off her shirt as she kicked the door shut behind her. She tossed it toward her hamper and texted Lucy to tell her the door was unlocked. Then Sam jumped in the shower. A cold shower. Her skin felt hot from the run and the muggy heat and the warm rain. She took her time letting the water soak her hair, run down her body, and the sound of streaming water run her thoughts away.

"Hey, I'm here."

Sam jumped at Lucy's voice, her heart hammering. She let out a shaky chuckle. Her skin broke out in goosebumps and Sam realized she was cold.

"You just scared the shit out of me," Sam called out through the shower.

"Sorry! That's actually what I was trying to avoid."

"I'll be right out."

"Mhmm," Lucy said, her voice closer. Sam smiled and shook her head as she rinsed the remaining body wash off herself. "Or, you could come out now, _or,_ I could come in. We have a lot of options here."

Instead of either of those heavily loaded options, Lucy's hand popped into the back of the shower with Sam's towel in it. Sam shut off the water, took the towel, and wrapped it around herself before pulling the curtain open. Lucy was right there with a mischievous smile. Sam returned it with an eyebrow up.

Lucy waited until Sam was out of the shower before she tugged her close. Her fingers played with the wet, curly hair that escaped Sam's quick bun. Sam let one hand leave her towel and rest at Lucy's hip.

"I thought you were drained?"

Lucy shrugged and kissed Sam. No heat, meaning Lucy was all show right then. It made Sam smile into their kiss. Lucy pulled away just a little bit, "Okay, maybe I am just as drained as I thought."

Sam gave her another quick kiss before moving around Lucy, "That's alright. It's not like we have a whole lot of time anyways, and I'm hungry."

"So am I," Lucy teased, smacking Sam's butt. Sam turned and playfully glared.

"I _hate_ when you do that."

"I know," Lucy smiled back, "What do you want to drink? I'll get everything out while you change."

"Uh, just water please."

Sam threw on pretty much the same thing as she ran in, just a cleaner version. Shorts, sports bra, and a cut off. She ruffled her hair with her towel then shook her head to get as many of the little drops out as she could. The feeling of wet hair soaking into her shirt was not one Sam liked very much. Then, she ran her hands through her hair as she padded out barefooted to Lucy.

She sat next to Lucy at the kitchen island. Lucy smiled at her and reached a hand out to play with the tips of Sam's hair, "I love when you leave your hair down."

"What's gotten into you?" Sam asked. All the attention wasn't exactly new, but there was something that was making it feel off, or extra.

"Nothing," Lucy shrugged, "I don't know. I'm just happy to see you. Is that okay?"

"Yea, of course. I mean, it's just a little more than usual is all. Which is fine! Totally fine. I was just wondering."

Lucy raised both her hands, palms out to Sam. "I'll keep my hands to myself, sorry."

"You don't have to. You know that," Sam said.

"I know," Lucy said. She squeezed Sam's leg before turning her attention to their lunch. Sam did the same. "I'm only teasing."

"Will you stay over tonight?"

Lucy raised an eyebrow at Sam. She finished chewing before answering, "You know, a girl might read into that a little bit after all that teasing."

"Maybe you should," Sam teased back.

It made Lucy laugh, dropping the smoldering vibe she was trying to put out. Sam's own act fell away too. She ate a few fries as she waited for Lucy to answer her.

"Of course, I'll stay over. Any reason?"

"There's an opening for another joke there," Sam pointed out but didn't seize the opportunity, "but, yea. I'm, uh, off tonight as they gather intel for the mission tomorrow."

"Right, because you guys are going."

Sam hummed as she nodded. She took a bite of her sandwich. Then, she said, "J'onn kept us after to talk to us."

"Who is 'us'?"

"Me, Alex, and Kara."

"What'd he say?"

"Well, I'm going."

"I assumed since you're not all pissy about being told you couldn't."

"It's gonna be my first field test."

Lucy didn't respond right away. At first, Sam felt like she needed to fill the quiet, but she didn't. She let Lucy process what Sam was saying.

"Does that mean you're going in alone?"

Sam shook her head. "No. Alex and Kara will be there. At first, J'onn wanted to keep Kara back so I could, ya know, do my thing or whatever, but I said I wanted her there."

"Good. I'm glad. What else did he say?"

"He just wanted to be sure we were being realistic about this whole thing. And, basically, to call us on our shit. Like, just let us know he knows what's going on with us and that he doesn't want us to be stupid because of all that."

"I would definitely second that."

"Yea, but we're fine so there's nothing to worry about," Sam half-lied.

They were all 'fine'. Not good, but fine. Although, most of the people in their lives would argue that none of the Danvers sisters were, in any sense of the word, fine. If Sam was forced to be honest, she'd have to agree. That didn't matter though. This was their chance and they had to take it.

"Okay, yea, I'd say you're better than before," Lucy said carefully," but I wouldn't go as far to say that you're completely fine."

"That doesn't really matter though," Sam said.

"It does. To me, at least. I don't think I can handle if something were to happen to you again. I almost couldn't before, and we weren't…where we are now. I need you to come home. Safely."

"I will!"

Lucy turned from her food, only half-eaten. She looked at Sam. It was almost like she was pleading with her. The worry was clear all over Lucy.

"I want to believe you, but it's hard because of what happened last time; and, don't get mad!" Lucy said quickly. Sam wasn't, and it made her feel kind of bad that Lucy thought she would. "It really is because of the last time you went up against Cadmus. I just…talk to me. What are you thinking?"

"Uh," Sam said. A great start. She picked up a few more fries. As she chewed, she thought. What was she thinking? Besides all that repetitive bullshit that she didn't try to think. "I think that this is a really good opportunity for us to get back at Cadmus, and, uh, that maybe my dad will be there."

"Is that what you think or what Alex thinks?"

"Both."

"I guess I don't really need to know what you think. It's more like I need to know what you expect to happen. Like, what are you going to do?"

Sam tried not to hear any kind of accusation in that. She probably only did because she was guilty. So, she had to decide what to tell Lucy. The truth? How much of the truth? She didn't want to lie. Especially since Lucy was so worried.

"I don't know what I expect. J'onn doesn't think my dad will be there, and I don't think so either. Not after what he did to them."

Lucy paused. She licked her lips then said, "You don't seem very upset by that."

"I'm not," Sam said. She looked away from Lucy. Those two words were bigger than they should have been. They were heavy. "I don't…I'm not worried about him because I try not to think about him."

Tried being the key word. Sam wouldn't admit that. Not after admitting that she wasn't as concerned for her father as a normal person would be. Before Lucy could lob whatever heavy question was next at Sam, her phone went off. She checked it and swore. Her eyes were full of guilt when she looked at Sam again.

"They're moving the meeting up. I gotta go."

Sam nodded. "That's okay."

"We'll talk about this later? Please."

"Yea," Sam said softly.

Lucy got up and kissed Sam on the cheek, her hand resting on her arm. "Okay, thank you. I'm sorry. Maybe I'll get off early if they're moving things up."

"Alright, just text me or something."

"I will."

Lucy was almost to the door when Sam got up to clean up their lunch. Then she had an idea that really shouldn't have taken her so long to come up with. She turned quickly to catch Lucy before she was gone.

"Hey, wait. Did you drive or take the light rail? I can walk you down."

"I drove, so don't worry about it but thank you."

Sam nodded, only a little disappointed. It would have only been a short distraction, but she didn't really want to stay in her apartment with nothing to do. She waved as Lucy left.

She decided she was so antsy and anxious because she hadn't had any real free time in weeks. Also, a little bit because what was coming up. It was boredom and excitement, nothing bad. That made Sam feel a little better about how restless she was, and that made her calm down a little bit. She turned on some music, grabbed her secondhand copy of _The Art of War_. Sam liked to read. She had never been huge on it but growing up in an academic household ensured she liked it, but Sun Tzu was difficult for her. She'd been struggling through it for the past two weeks. Her reaction time in checking the buzz of her phone was a testament to that. It was Maggie

 **-Hey kid! I feel like I haven't seen you in a bit. Wanna get a drink?**

An offer that Sam would probably have said okay to even if she hadn't witnessed Alex and Maggie's argument earlier that morning. Sam sent back an emphatic yes. Then she sent back a no because she remembered that Lucy asked to continue their conversation when she got home from work.

 **-I'm off at 3. I went in early today (M)**

 **-I can do 3 but can't stay all night (S)**

 **-Hot date? ;) (M)**

Sam wasn't surprised. Leave it to Maggie to still try and make Sam embarrassed after dating Lucy for a couple months. It made Sam feel better about what she overheard. If Alex and Maggie were going to call things off, then Maggie probably wouldn't be reaching out to Sam or joking with her.

 **-Not exactly but good try (S)**

 **-Alien bar? (M)**

Sam sent a thumb up emoji and decided not to respond when Maggie just sent back a see-you-then text. She checked the time and was happy to see she had only about an hour to kill.


	132. Chapter 132

**A/N: No editing.**

The bar was pretty empty since it was still early. Only dedicated regulars, who were probably dedicated alcoholics, were scattered around. Sam waved at the bartender as she settled on a stool. A sudden pang hit her chest as she thought about Mon-El, and by extension Kara. At that moment, Sam would've given anything to see the scruffy ken doll to be behind the bar.

The bartender on duty was a woman. Some alien who Maggie dated once upon a time and who's name Sam couldn't remember. She stopped in front of Sam for her order.

"What can I get for you?"

"Uh, two of whatever Maggie usually gets. She's supposed to be here soon."

"You got it."

Sam watched the bartender work. She had a fluid way of moving behind the bar. A way that someone only gets when they've been doing it for a while. A TV was showing a news channel on mute and another had ESPN on, muted as well. Soft, dusty light was making its way through the few windows in the place. A quiet rock song was playing underneath the noises of the bar. It was familiar, soothing in a way.

The tap of the bottles placed in front of her prompted Sam to smile her thanks. She sipped out of hers while she waited. The quiet should have been annoying, Sam thought it had been all day, but being in public by herself took the edge off of it. Not that she was by herself for much longer. Maggie sat heavy in on the stool in front of the other beer with a dramatic sigh.

"Thank you for having a beer ready," Maggie said.

"Rough day?"

"Mm," Maggie hummed as she took a long drink, "Long too."

"Why'd you go in so early then?"

Maggie got a little awkward, shrugged and nodded her around before taking another drink. It was almost funny. Sam took a drink too before continuing.

"Have anything to do with my sister?"

Maggie let out a short laugh, "Not beating around today, are we?"

"Nope," Sam popped the end of the word.

"It does have to do with Alex, yes. I don't know if I really want to talk about it though."

"I do."

"Well, I don't think it's really any of your business, Sam, so."

"It is my business," Sam said. She ignored the edge to Maggie's words. That just meant that they really did need to talk about it because it was bothering her more than she wanted to admit. "You're my friend. Alex is my sister. I don't want either of you to be upset so everything about this is my business."

Maggie put her beer down and rubbed at her face with both hands. Her shoulders were up and tense. Sam had a sinking feeling that whatever this was it'd been going on for a while. Whatever was between them, making Alex and Maggie upset, was fixable. Sam could help fix it.

"I don't know what to do," Maggie finally said.

"About what?"

"If you don't know," Maggie said. She let her hands drop onto the bar top, "then I don't know if we should be talking about this."

"Why? Because of Alex? It's fine. She's not going to be mad or whatever if we talk about whatever's going on with you guys. She knows you're my friend and we talk. It never bothered her before, so it won't now."

Maggie looked at Sam for a few long moments. It was clear she was trying to decide what to do. Sam sat patiently, taking a few sips of her beer.

"Alex wants kids."

"Is that bad?" Sam asked. She knew the answer already, had overheard it that morning at the DEO. She didn't want Maggie to know that though. Sam felt kind of bad for eavesdropping.

"Not…exactly, but I mean, it's not ideal either."

Sam was starting to realize that getting Maggie to talk would be a lot like trying to get Sam to talk. It was funny since Maggie was always all over Sam to talk about her feelings. She decided to say as much, just rip the band-aid off.

"Okay, wait. Before we get too far, here's the deal: we're not doing this whole you're technically talking to me but not saying anything. I know that tactic. I've all but perfected it, and you, always get on me for it, so just say whatever it is."

Maggie laughed. "You're right. My bad. Alex wants, and I don't. Well. No, that's not exactly…true. I guess," Maggie sighed, "I don't know! It's not that I don't like kids or anything, but when I picture my life there aren't kids in it. It's me and Alex. End of story."

"Well…" Sam said, trying to think. This didn't sound good. It sounded like a deal breaker. It sounded like an obstacle they wouldn't be able to get over. "Have you ever tried to think about your life that way?"

That was the wrong thing to say. Maggie's face screwed up. She snatched her bottle off the bar top and took a long drink. Sam scratched at the paper label on her own bottle.

"Because I should change everything I've ever thought about my life to make your sister happy, right? Just drop what I wanted."

"No. Come on, Maggie. You know I didn't mean it like that."

"Then how did you mean it? Because I don't see a whole lot of other variations there."

If Sam couldn't see the fear hiding in Maggie's eyes she might have gotten mad at the tone being thrown at her. But, Sam could see it. She understood it for what it was. Maggie was trying to start a fight so they didn't have to talk about this anymore. It was like she was reading out of Sam's playbook.

"It was an honest question," Sam said, "I was honestly asking if you have ever even entertained the idea of being a mom, because sometimes people don't. And, ya know, if you have thought about it and still don't want kids, then that's different. It's just…this is something you need to discuss with Alex. Not just say you never pictured kids and then be okay when she agrees. Because she doesn't."

"You don't think I've talked to her about this?"

"No. I don't because if you have then you guys wouldn't be fighting, and I don't really get it. You guys are, like, the epitome of communication in a relationship. Seriously. So, what is it about this that's stopping you?"

Maggie didn't answer right away. She seemed to deflate a little bit. The stubborn set of her jaw and the defensive vibe she was putting out eased. She pushed at her sleeves, took a drink, and ordered another beer. Sam didn't like what she was feeling from Maggie.

"Because this is the kind of thing that ends relationships."

It was said softly, and Sam didn't bother saying anything back. Not right away. Maggie was right. Sam had admitted as much to herself earlier in this conversation. There was no sense pretending this was some little spat they'd both be over given time.

"I can't, Sam. Just thinking about it makes me panic. I can't lose your sister."

"I know," Sam said.

"No, you don't. I don't think I can ever explain how much I can't lose her. Not to you, not her, not even to myself. But, I still…this isn't something I can just roll over about, and I get that Alex can't either. I'm scared to talk to her about it."

"That's scary."

Maggie laughed, a little harshly. "Yea, thanks for that."

"No, seriously, I get it. I would run so far from that conversation."

"I don't know what to do."

"Talk to Alex. That's all you can do, and, I mean, tell her you're scared and you don't want to lose her, but also tell her that you're willing to talk about it. Like the kids part. I think you both have to be open to think about what the other person wants because you're right. This is the kind of thing that ends relationships if you both are too stubborn to change what you want."

"I just want things to be the same."

"Bullshit," Sam said. She gave Maggie a you're-full-of-shit look. "If you wanted things to stay the same you would not have said yes when Alex asked you to marry her. You want a future. So does Alex. You guys just need to be sure it's a future you both want."

Maggie nodded slowly. She didn't say anything else. They sat silently, drinking their beer for some time. Both were thinking about what this could mean. Sam was content to sit with Maggie like that. Whatever kind of support Maggie needed she would give it to her. While she could. They both knew what it would mean for them if Alex and Maggie broke up.

Eventually, they started talking about anything other than Cadmus, Alex, or what was happening the next day. They talked about sports, how things with Lucy were, Maggie's work and Sam's tests. It was easy and nice, but underneath it all, like the music in the bar, was a little twinge of melancholy. Sam really hoped Alex and Maggie could work it out, but she was scared.

After her third beer, Sam said her goodbye. It was almost five and she had a conversation to finish with Lucy. Maggie didn't leave with her. Sam looked back at her friend before walking out the door. She looked small hunched over her drink. Sam knew Maggie would be there for a while. She thought about texting Alex so her sister could come get her, but she didn't. Maggie would if that was what she wanted. Mostly, it seemed like she wanted some time alone to think.


	133. Chapter 133

Lucy and Sam sat on Sam's couch facing each other. Lucy with legs folded like a pretzel under her. Sam at an angle, her arm resting along the top of the couch. They'd exhausted all of the small talk Sam could think of, arguably not a lot, but now they just sat there. Sam because she didn't want to have this conversation. Lucy because she knew Sam didn't want to have this conversation and was giving her a little time. Sam tipped her head a bit.

"Let's get this over with then."

"I really wish you wouldn't sound so fatalistic about it."

Sam shrugged. It felt a little fatalistic, what could she say? Alex had been borderline obsessed with the potential mission. J'onn spoke to them privately and personally in preparation, and now, Lucy wanted to do the same thing. It was all making things feel like the end of something.

"What's going to happen?" Lucy asked.

Sam knew now. Alex had called her with the details of her plan. It was simple enough. "We'll deploy before sun up tomorrow. Then, it's really simple. We go in, confiscate any dangerous items, arrest all personal for questioning, take control of their computer systems for search. It's an in and out thing, according to Alex."

"Does she think Lilian, or your dad will be there?"

"She hopes."

"Do you?"

This exact question was why Sam didn't want to have the conversation. It was a pivotal question because Sam could lie, say she didn't hope Lilian or Elijah were there. Or, she could tell the truth. She wished and hoped, with every fiber of her being, that they were both there, so she could cause them as much pain as she could. Sam was quiet too long.

"You do," Lucy said, "and you don't want to admit that to me."

Sam sighed, the question out of her hands now. It was probably for the best though. If she lied to Lucy and Lucy found out, Sam would feel terrible. Already in her bones, those same fibers as before, felt the guilt of even thinking about lying to Lucy.

"I do. I hope Lilian is there. I hope Elijah is there. And, I hope I have enough time to…do something before Alex or some other DEO agent stops me."

"Sam," Lucy said quietly. She looked away from her. She reached a hand up and tucked some hair behind her ear then said, "You have to come home."

"I will."

"Will you? Because when you say things like that it makes me think you'll risk not coming home just to get some kind of revenge."

"I'm gonna come home. I promise! I would never–"

"Stop. Don't make promises you can't keep, Sam," Lucy said. She was rapidly getting more and more upset. Sam moved closer to her on the couch. This was, again, exactly why she didn't want to have this conversation. Lucy went on with a sad smile, "You're impulsive. That's just…who you are. I know that, and I don't expect you to change. I've told you before that I like you exactly how you are.

"But, I need you to be smart. I _need_ you to come home safe. Revenge is fine. I get it. After what they did to you, I want to get back at Cadmus too, but not if the cost of revenge is losing you again."

Lucy was losing it. Her eyes were starting to shine, but she wouldn't let the tears to fall. Her voice was drenched in the unshed tears of the fear of losing Sam. It made it all so real. Sam felt every tear-soaked word hit her high in her chest. It scared her too, seeing Lucy like that, and knowing it was because what was about to happen and what could happen.

Things fell into perspective. Which, was not to say Sam lost all sight of her revenge or couldn't feel the sharp anger that'd driven her since she got back from her stay with Cadmus. No, Sam still wanted that revenge, but now she didn't want it at the costs of everything. She wanted to come home. To Lucy. So very specifically, she wanted to come home to Lucy.

"Hey, woah. No, no no no. I'm sorry, okay? It's not like that."

Sam moved the last little bit to Lucy. The arm that had been resting on the back of the couch curled around Lucy's shoulders and her opposite hand went to her leg. Sam's forehead pressed to Lucy's temple. Lucy wouldn't face her, she was too busy trying to hide that she couldn't keep the tears in her words now that she stopped talking.

"Sam, I know you. You're going to get back at Cadmus, no matter what."

"You're right and wrong," Sam said, "I'm going to get back at Cadmus. That's a promise, but I also promise that I'll come home. To you. Okay? I love you more than I hate them. So much more."

There was a catch in the air. A blink of a moment where Lucy's almost-sob stuttered at Sam's words and Sam's head caught up to what she said. Then, Lucy chuckled a little and reached up to wipe under her eyes. She leaned her head a little more into Sam.

"That's a lot," Lucy said, her voice still heavy with too much emotion.

"Yea, well…," Sam said. There was only one thought, and that's it, that blazed through her head in a panicked frenzy. But, it was short lived. It fizzled out to an honest contentment made real by Lucy rolling with it. Sam watched Lucy, eyes closed and still sniffling through a couple deep breaths. She smiled. "I blame you."

"For being amazing?"

It was a joke. That didn't mean it wasn't true. Sam kissed Lucy's cheek and said, "Yea."

Lucy maneuvered herself around to face Sam. Her eyes were more green than usual thanks to her red, teary eyes. Sam reached up with both hands to wipe under her eyes even though there weren't tears there any more. She smiled at Lucy.

"I need you to come home, Sam, because I love you too, and I won't be able to handle it if anything happens to you again."

"I will," Sam whispered as she leaned in.

She kissed Lucy once. Simple and short but with everything she could put into it. Then again. And again. Each one getting farther away from simple and short.

Sometime later, Sam's eyes fluttered open. She wasn't sure why, or what time it was. Her apartment was still dark. Only the dim blue of her alarm clock numbers lit anything up. A little orange light from outside streetlights filtered in too. Sam was about to turn over and go back to sleep when the hand on her shoulder drifted along her collarbone and stopped on her chest, above her heart, and shook her gently.

"Sam," Lucy whispered.

She scooted down a little to be face to face with the woman next to her. Sam gave a soft hum to acknowledge she heard Lucy. Her mind was still a little too sleepy to form words just yet.

"You have to leave soon."

"How soon?" Sam rolled onto her side and nuzzled closer to Lucy. Her hand skimmed across Lucy's bare stomach and she smiled at the feeling. Lucy turned too and hugged Sam tight.

"I'm still scared."

Sam sighed and kissed Lucy's chest, near the base of her neck. She hoped that their earlier talk would've helped put Lucy at ease. It did seem like it worked right after they had it, but then again, that might just have been the sex talking.

"What can I do to make you feel better?"

"I don't know."

"But, it's why you woke me up, right?" Sam could feel Lucy nod. "Okay, well, let's talk through it. We can go over everything again."

"Talk to me about when you get back."

"Okay," Sam said. She hesitated though. She wasn't really clear on what Lucy meant by that. Did she want to know literally about when Sam got back from the mission or did she want to know about their lives after the mission?

Sam took a guess. She talked about their lives. Dates she wanted to take Lucy on, that maybe she should finally break down and get a car. Sam talked about taking a vacation with Lucy. She talked about their plans for the weekend, mostly the fact that they didn't have any. Sam talked and talked until her alarm went off. Then, she turned over and set it for ten minutes later and talked more. Ten extra minutes were it though. She couldn't waste any more.

Lucy set up with her back against Sam's head board as Sam sat the edge at the end, bent over and tying her boots. She could feel Lucy's eyes on her. She could feel the tension in the room. When she was done, Sam sat up and put her hands on her knees, not turning around.

"I gotta go."

"I know," Lucy replied.

Sam turned to look at her. They sat in silence, just looking at each other. This was harder than she thought it was going to be. Sam thought she would be up and out, eager to get things started. Instead, it was like she was dreading walking out the door. Sam moved to sit next to Lucy. Her girlfriend let her head roll against the to look at her.

"It'll be just a couple hours. I'll call you when I'm back," Sam said. Lucy nodded. "I'm going to be okay. Alex and Kara won't let anything happen to me."

"I don't know why this is bothering me so much."

Sam shrugged. "Me either, but that's okay. I'll call you when I'm back."

"Be safe," Lucy said. She cupped Sam's cheek but didn't lean in for a kiss or a hug, nothing. Sam let her keep her space. She turned into Lucy's palm with a quick kiss then left.

Each step away, then each floor down in the elevator, Sam felt. It made her want to turn back. Go back to Lucy and climb back into bed and not worry about anything else. She didn't. This mission was her chance to take back her power from Cadmus. Sam would finally be able to prove to herself that she was hers and she was in control. This was too important to go back.


	134. Chapter 134

Alex had the team rounded up in the garage. J'onn was there. Kara was there. No Maggie or James, they were on city duty and she didn't fault them for feeling far away. Winn was on the other end of the comm piece in Sam's ear.

Her sister, more like a commanding officer in the moment, was going over their plan once more. She would do it again as they approached the recently found and surveillance DHI facility. Sam already knew the plan, front and back and inside out, so she didn't pay it much attention. She was more focused on the calm coursing through her. She wasn't nervous like she thought.

Everything felt right. Sam's hands were steady and still. Her heart pumped normal in her chest. The thoughts in her head went at a casual pace, moving from one focus to the next at an almost lazy pace. The dread she had felt leaving her apartment was nonexistent.

J'onn's hand came down heavy on her shoulder. Sam looked around to notice that Alex was done talking, everyone was mobilizing except her. She gave J'onn a sheepish smile. When she went to get in the van, J'onn's heavy hand kept her in place.

"Sir?"

"No, just J'onn for this," He said with a smile. The fatherly one that hit her like a ton of bricks. "You can do this. Cadmus made a mistake trying to make you one of their lackeys. They made you a stronger threat to them and now, you're going to show them that. By completing the mission we have set for you. You're a good agent, Sam. Even better because of what you went through. Show me."

"Yes, sir."

He let her go without another word. Just a more creased smile and a head nod. Without lingering or thinking more on what J'onn said, Sam climbed into the van. Two teams were being deployed. Her team and Agent Matos's. They weren't leaving things on the chance that backup would be needed. As they drove, murmured conversation accompanied the rumble of the van wheels on pavement, but Sam didn't join in.

Parker, to her left, tried a few times but eventually let her be. She didn't mind and didn't feel bad. He was trying to be a good friend, distract her a little. Then, he was being a good friend by respecting her quiet. A few times Alex turned from the front and caught Sam's eye. She didn't look quite as calm as Sam felt.

The ride was long. It gave Sam time to prepare. She checked her weapon. Not that it was needed. Mostly, it was for show. Alex and J'onn agreed that they didn't need to reveal that Sam was a weapon all on her own until she needed to. But, that was okay. Sam felt better with the rifle in her hand. It felt familiar, almost comforting.

"ETA in five," Sanchez said from the driver's seat. Alex nodded, but didn't address them again.

A looming, grey building took up most of the front windshield. It was a square with windows high in the walls. They looked like a black stripe around the building. A good sign that put Sam a little at ease. It wouldn't be dark in there at least.

Sanchez parked, and they climbed out. They didn't bother hiding the vans. If this was Cadmus, they were tracking them for the past mile. With that in mind, they wasted no time storming the building. Sam didn't pay attention to the other teams. She knew her objective, it didn't matter what anyone else was doing.

Somehow, she had been separated from Alex and Kara. Logically, it made sense. This was supposed to be a field test for her. It would be best if no one was there to immediately save her ass. At her back was Parker and Sanchez. Parker had a camera mounted on his vest, strictly for research purpose thanks to Winn. They were there as backup. Otherwise, Sam was basically on her own.

That didn't mean the two guys were completely without purpose. Sam was to escort Parker to the facility's servers, so he could hack in, download all info, then crash them. Sanchez was there because they worked in teams of three, but Sam was to take the lead on all confrontations.

The building was more office than warehouse. Sam, Parker, and Sanchez made their way through as other teams were making arrests of the white-collar employees. It was chaotic with all the shocked questions and demands for lawyers. Above or below, it was hard to make out, there were gunshots. Static voices over their comms assured everyone it was contained.

Sam moved through the room of desks quickly. Her rifle was still at the ready in her hands. As she propped the stair door open, she slipped the gun strap off.

"Hey," She called out to the closest agent. She was watching over the cuffed businessmen. Sam handed her the weapon and ignored the looks Parker and Sanchez were giving her. They didn't know the extent of why Sam was being given a field test. It was probably ridiculous to see her surrender her weapon. "It's fine. Third floor, let's go."

The jogged up the stairs. Their breathing was moderately labored by the time they reached the door with a large three on it. Sam took a deep breath then pushed it open and went in.

Her blood didn't run cold at the man blocking her way. It was almost a relief. They had a score to settle.

"Ms. Luthor will be happy to have you back," The real Hank Henshaw called out to Sam. He was smug, standing loosely in front of a bay of computers.

"I would say I'd hate to disappoint her but that's not exactly true."

"Still so much bravado. I gotta say, I respect that. It's almost a shame I'll have to beat it out of you again."

That put a little ice in her veins, but it was quickly thawed by anger. Sam let it run wild before getting control of herself. She flexed her hands before curling them into tight fists, her knuckles whitening.

"And no weapon? You're either stupid or the operations worked," Henshaw said. He looked to be thinking hard before barking, "Which is it?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

He marched toward her. Sam moved too, forward to give Parker and Sanchez room to move along the edges and get behind Henshaw. She braced herself when the cyborg got close.

Henshaw grabbed her by the left shoulder. His grip tightened until it became uncomfortable. Sam knew it should have hurt and Henshaw had expected it to. He looked at her shoulder with surprise on his face then at her. Sam smirked.

Her left arm snapped up, smacked his hand off her. Then, Sam grabbed hold of Henshaw's arm. The nice, shiny metal one. Before she could do anything else he shoved her away. Sam skidded back but kept her feet.

Henshaw aimed his heat vision at Sam. It sizzled as it clipped the top of her shoulder. Sam wasn't quick enough but that was the extent of the damage as she cringed away, using the momentum to turn and grab an office chair, hurling it at her attacker. He dodged it, but it broke off the heat vision.

Sam darted forward. She ducked under a punch, popping up with an uppercut that took Henshaw's feet out from under him. He landed with a bang on the desk behind him.

He was quick. He rolled off the back of the desk and kicked it at Sam. She grabbed it, sliding back with the force a few feet, and threw it to the side and out of their way.

Sam hated this man. She saw red. This man had abused her. He had taken every threat Lilian lobbed at her and made them a reality. Her anger took over.

With a snarl, Sam closed the distance, but Henshaw stopped her. He grabbed her by the shoulders. It didn't matter. Sam threw her head back then smashed it forward against Henshaw. He wasn't expecting it. He stumbled back. Sam saw stars. She had to blink a few times, shaking her head to clear it. Not her best decision.

But, it didn't slow her down too much. She advanced probably before she should have. She threw as many punches as fast as she could. The first few landed. Hard. Then it was more of a toss-up. Henshaw blocked some. A few missed, glancing off at the wrong angle.

Henshaw didn't give up in the face of Sam's onslaught. He leaned out of the way of a punch then stepped into his own, knocking Sam from her feet. She scrambled to a crouched position before diving to the side, avoiding a two-hand smash.

Sam kicked out. Her foot caught Henshaw in the ribs and knocked him off his feet. Sam shot up and dove into a superman punch that landed hard on the human side of his face. It stunned Henshaw. With the extra seconds, Sam stood and put her foot against Henshaw's collarbone. She grabbed his metal arm and pulled.

He yelled as sparks flew from exposed wires. It came off easier than it should have. Sam threw it to the side and smashed her foot down on his face.

She stumbled away as Henshaw screamed and rolled away. Sam's breathing was heavy. Her body ached from the hits Henshaw had landed. She only took a second. Henshaw was on his hands and knees now. She couldn't give him too much of a break or she would lose her advantage.

Sam stalked toward him. Slow like a hunting cat. She paid no attention to Parker and Sanchez. They would get the job done. She just had to keep Henshaw occupied while they did it. And, she would do so happily.

Henshaw was pushing himself up with his human arm. He grunted in the effort but hadn't made it to his feet by the time Sam got to him. She looked down then abruptly kicked him hard in the stomach. The man gasped as the air was knocked out of him. Sam crouched down next to him.

"Where's Lilian?"

"You won't find her," He coughed between the words.

"By the time we're done, you'll tell me. Now one more time, _Hank_ ," She spat his name out, where is she?"

Instead of answering, Hank dove at Sam. He had a letter opener in his hand. Sam barely caught the glint of the metal before they tumbled. The dull blade came down at the soft hollow at the junction of her neck and shoulder. It didn't break skin, but it hurt like hell.

Henshaw dragged it heavy across her neck. Still it didn't draw blood. Sam recovered from the surprise of his attack and kicked him off her. She was surprised how easy it was. Every memory of Hank Henshaw was dominated by ridiculous strength and comparable cruelty. She hadn't expected this to be going her way when she saw him blocking their way.

He didn't stay down like before. Hank was up and on her quick. He threw punches but without his cyborg arm, they weren't nearly as effective. They hurt but didn't stagger her.

Henshaw's next punch was stopped midair. Sam grabbed his wrist, stopping it right before it landed against her cheek. She crushed his wrist then threw him away from her.

She didn't let him get up. Sam pulled him up by the shirt and cocked back her arm. The metal taking up half of Henshaw's face dented. Sam punched again. Then again. His blue eye cracked and died out.

Before her next hit landed, Henshaw was able to kick Sam's legs out from under her. As Sam fell, Henshaw rose. He smashed his elbow into the middle of her back. Sam cried out and hit the ground hard. Henshaw followed up his attack with a kick to the face.

It seemed like Sam spoke too soon when she thought things were too easy. She used the momentum and rolled away from him, to her feet. Her comm cracked.

 _"Sam? Sam, what's happening?"_

Behind Henshaw, Sanchez stood back to back with Parker, gun trained on Henshaw. She couldn't see what Parker was doing, but she hoped he would hurry up. It seemed like Henshaw wasn't going to go down easily.

"Henshaw is here."

 _"I'm on my way,"_ Kara said.

 _"No. Supergirl, stop."_ Alex.

Sam ducked back to avoid Henshaw's punch. She wondered how he was still using his remaining arm. She had felt his wrist crack under her grasp before.

 _"What? Why?!"_

 _"Because,"_ A gunshot interrupted Alex, _"Because unless she needs help, we have to let her handle this. Sam, do you need help?"_

"I got this."

She knocked away Henshaw's next punch and stepped into his guard. One of her punches landed in his gut. The next smashed across his face. Sam pulled back again and hit him in the face. Henshaw shoved her away, harder then last time. Sam hit another desk and tumbled over it.

It wasn't clear if she actually did have control of the situation, but she wasn't going to ask for help. She would deal with Henshaw. He was going to pay. Then, he was going to give up Lilian and Sam was going to make her pay too.

With her vision shaking in rage, Sam hurtled over the desk and collided with Henshaw. She threw him by the shoulders onto a desk. Her left cocked back again and rained down on him. She swept him off the desk and tossed him across the room.

He managed to get up but only to his hands and knees. Sam ran over, using the momentum to kick him in the midsection. It knocked him into the air. She followed that up by another stomp to the face. She dropped down to straddle his chest, one hand around his neck and the other pulled back in a fist.

"Where is she?!"

"You're stronger than she thought you'd be," Henshaw said. It was clear the fighting was getting to him. He sounded almost out of it.

"Tell me where she fucking is or I swear to god I'll kill you."

"Go ahead. I'm not going to tell you anything."

Sam's face twisted in anger and hate. She coiled tighter, her fist going back a little more. That hesitance was enough. She heard Sanchez warn Supergirl what was happening then Kara was there, hands on Sam's fist and shoulder, calm words in her ear. She was close enough to be hugging Sam.

"Don't, Sam. We can make him talk. Let us take him back."

"He deserves this."

Sam's voice was shaky. Not because of anger or rage. Tears threatened to spill over, out of nowhere. She still hated him. That emotion was strongest out of them all, but a bone-deep hurt covered everything.

"He does. You're right. You're completely right, but he can tell us where Jeremiah is."

"He can tell us where Lilian is," Alex said. She crouched down at Sam's side. Her hand wrapped around Kara's on Sam's fist. Sam let her eyes slid to Alex for a moment before back down at Henshaw, tearing into him.

She hated him. Everything in Sam wanted to smash his face in. With just a little more force, she could end him. It would be one person off her list.

But. This one person could give her the other two. Was the instant gratification worth it? Would the one name off be worth time lost in finding the other two? Sam wasn't even sure if those questions were the right ones she needed to ask herself.

"You don't want to do this," Kara said, still in her ear, "You're not a killer, Sam."

Before Sam could tell Kara it was exactly what she wanted, Alex said, "If you do this, you end his suffering. This is it, he's done."

Sam breathed in unevenly. One tear slipped out and down her nose. Henshaw stared steadily back at her. She hated everything about this man. She hated what he represented. She hated what he did to her and what he helped Lilian and Elijah do. It would be so easy…

What wasn't easy was lowering her fist. The weight of her sisters' hands helped. Their presences helped sooth Sam's frayed emotional state. She needed to get out of there. But, duty stopped her. She turned woodenly to where Parker was. He stood looking back at her. He gave one nod and started moving before Sam did. Sanchez nodded at her too but his was more reverent. Like he respected the power she just displayed.

The rest of the mission went by in a stuttering haze. Sam wasn't aware of too much. She was just going through the motions, guided through by Kara as Alex took control of the DEO agents. Half of the agents stayed on site to wait for prisoner transport back to headquarters. Sam went ahead with Alex and her team. Well, most of the team. Hill stayed back to supervise transport.

Sam was silent. It was like she was in shock. Her hands were too tight, and they trembled. Her head was filled with cotton. She zoned out and felt no desire to bring herself back. It was all she could do to keep herself together. She hadn't been prepared for what facing down her demons and taking the highroad would take out of her.


	135. Chapter 135

It wasn't until they were back in the DEO and Alex and Kara were trying to corral Sam into Alex's lab to talk that Sam remembered she was supposed to call Lucy. She waved away her sisters as she stormed out of the DEO with her phone in hand. The task gave her something new to focus on. But, Lucy didn't answer. It let her control over herself slip a little. Panic crept up. Sam dragged in a stuttering breath as she sent off a text and headed home.

The trip home was filled with jittery hands and repetitive thoughts. Actually being home let Sam unravel more. She needed something. The control she had was getting weaker and weaker. She just had to make it until Lucy got there. She just really wanted Lucy.

How did she let the DEO take Henshaw in? _How_? She had meant to kill him. That was the entire plan. Without Henshaw, Lilian would be reeling. He was her right hand. Sam could have cut off her right hand. How, how, how?

But. At the same time. How was she about to _kill_ a man? In cold blood. In anger. Was this really her? Or, had Cadmus changed her? Sam still didn't know who she was anymore, and it'd been months. She should know. She should have figured it out by now.

Sam stopped and put a hand on her wall of shelves. She had to take several deep breaths to pull herself back from the edge of that breakdown. She looked at her hand on the wood. Her left. The knuckles were an angry red. Knicks and divots were an almost black-red with dried blood. She let her hand drag down the wood a little. Grime and blood smeared down it. Sam took her hand off and looked at her palm. It was clammy and dirty, some of her own blood at gone between her fingers and mixed with the dirt. Her right looked the same.

The sight made her angry. It was proof of what she had almost done and hadn't done. Sam grabbed a skinny ceramic vase someone had put on a shelf and threw it across the room. It shattered against her kitchen cabinets.

A startled gasp from her door made Sam jump. Lucy looked from the kitchen to Sam. She looked scared and that hurt Sam.

If she was scared of Sam, it didn't stop Lucy from making a beeline straight for her. She mumbled something, but Sam didn't hear. Lucy's arms closed around her and that was it. Sam broke. Tears streamed down her bruised and dirty face, and her legs gave out on her. She and Lucy sank to the floor.

"It's okay," Lucy said. "It's okay. I'm here."

"No," Sam sobbed. "You don't– I…it's…"

Her breathing was not cooperating with her words. Sam couldn't get anything out. Not that she knew what she was trying to get out. Her mind was a jumbled, confusing mess. She just knew that she felt wrong and she hurt.

"Shh, I'm right here."

Sam broke completely. When the worst of it was over, Lucy moved them to the bed. They stayed there, and Sam must have fallen asleep because she woke up to a dusk-filled apartment with clinging to her. Sam looked at her sleeping girlfriend. Guilt hit her for the breakdown. The aftereffects from her fight with Henshaw hit her too. When Sam tried to move her body didn't like it much. Her sharp gasp woke Lucy. Her hands tried to pull Sam back down.

"What're you doing?"

"I was going to get up, but not so much anymore."

"Are you okay?"

"Just sore I think."

"That's not what I meant," Lucy said.

She didn't try to get Sam to look at her. Sam wanted to. Lucy deserved, at the very least, a thank you for leaving work and dealing with what just happened. She just couldn't. Sam felt ashamed for how she just reacted.

"I'm f– …okay. I'm okay."

"You're not, but we don't have to talk about it."

"Thanks."

Sam forced herself to roll over and up. She sat on the side of the bed in a lot of pain. It seemed Henshaw had really given her a run for her money. So much for being invulnerable. Lucy barely gave Sam anytime before her hands were at her back then shoulders, running down her arms to her hands. Sam kept her eyes closed as Lucy surveyed the damage.

"What can I do?"

"Uh, nothing," Sam replied. "I need a minute and then a shower."

"I'll go turn the water on." Lucy got up but stopped to lean down, kiss Sam on the cheek. She lingered with her lips there. Then said, "Thank you for coming home."

Sam lifted her hand to rest on Lucy's cheek until her girlfriend walked away. Everything felt heavy. Sam's body, her thoughts, her emotions. She was exhausted.

She checked her phone and answered the worried texts from Alex, Kara, and Maggie. She told them her phone was going off and then she did just that. Sam needed to disconnect. She needed a reset. Sam stood, uneasily. Her body didn't seem to want to cooperate with her. Her muscles were stiff and aching from the abuse she put it through in the fight. Lucy came out in the middle of Sam's wince. She was at Sam's side quickly.

"Careful," She said then moved in front of Sam with her hands on Sam's hips. "That nap probably only made things worse."

"I just need hot water."

"You should take a bath."

"Shower's fine."

"Sam."

Lucy was right. Not to mention, standing for an extended period of time seemed like a terrible idea. Sam nodded and let Lucy lead her into the bathroom. She leaned on the bathroom counter as Lucy knocked down the shower knob to switch the water flow to the bath faucet.

"Do you still have that Epsom salt I got you?"

Sam turned to her medicine cabinet and pulled out the salt in question. She handed it to Lucy. Lucy took it but took Sam's hand too.

"These will sting if you put them in the water with this," She said, referring to the cuts.

"It's okay. I think a little stinging will be worth it if that stuff can get my muscles to loosen up."

Lucy nodded. She set to adding the salt and making sure the water was warm enough. Sam should have been getting undressed to get in, but the thought of so much movement hurt. She couldn't believe how much she hurt. She wasn't going to be able to do it on her own…

"Uh…," Sam started. Lucy turned to her, still sitting on the edge of the tub with her hand in the water. Sam was infinitely grateful in that moment to have Lucy. She smiled a little self-depreciatingly. "I'm gonna need some help."

"I'm gonna pretend this is foreplay and not because you can't do it yourself."

"Don't get mad when you find out I'm just a tease then."

Lucy laughed and kissed Sam before helping her ease her DEO-issued half-zip. Then her black t-shirt. It was slow going and painful. Sam's left shoulder didn't enjoy any kind of movement, and when she looked down at it, once she was just in her bra, she saw why. There were dark finger-sized bruises from when Henshaw grabbed her. Lucy traced them before turning her attention to Sam's other shoulder and the burn from the heat vision there.

"Jesus, Sam…"

"It'll heal."

"Will it?" Lucy tore her eyes from the damage to Sam's body up to her eyes. She looked so worried. Sam nodded. She was surprised she wasn't healing already.

Alex hadn't wanted to inflict enough damage to actually hurt Sam to test it, but Winn theorized that Sam would have rapid healing. Nothing compared to real Coluians. He just believed that the organism in Sam would boost her immune system in times of need. Sam believed him. At least enough to say so to Lucy in order to put her more at ease.

Next, Lucy traced the lined bruise from Henshaw's attempt to slit Sam's throat with the letter opener. She assumed it bruised. Otherwise, there was no way that Lucy knew to pay the area any attention. It must have been the last straw because Lucy checked every visible injury Sam had. Her broken nose and the spreading black eyes, the faint bruise on her forehead, the cuts covering her left hand. It wasn't until Lucy was helping Sam into the tub that she found the last one. It made her catch her breath. Sam had to ask because she couldn't see it.

"What?"

"Your back. It's…I mean, it's just a bruise but it's huge."

Sam wanted to tell her that none of her bruises felt like 'just a bruise' but she didn't want to add any worry. In all the aftermath, Sam had forgotten the elbow Henshaw had given her. Almost right on her spine. Lucy pointing it out seemed to draw her body's attention back to it. Sam felt it ache and throb. She sank down in the tub, letting the murky water hide most of her injuries.

"It'll be gone soon. I'll be fine."

"What happened?"

This question was coming. She's been expecting it since this morning when she left. That didn't make it any easier for Sam. It should have been, but then again, she thought the whole mission was going to be easy for her.

"Henshaw was there, the real one. You know he's a cyborg?"

"Yea. I know all about Cadmus."

"Right," Sam said. Because Lucy worked on the search for Sam so of course she knew all the players in the game. She continued, "Well, he was there. I had to keep his attention, so Parker could get to the computers."

"Please tell me this is one of those 'you should see the other guy' moments."

Sam smiled. "It is. You, uh…you can, actually. If you wanted to. He's at the DEO."

Lucy paused. She regarded Sam as Sam regarded the bath water. "You don't seem too happy that he is." Sam shrugged. "Please talk to me about this."

"I was gonna kill him. I was gonna make him tell me where Lilian was and then I was going to kill him. Alex and Kara stopped me, but only because Sanchez told them what I was doing."

Admitting it lifted some of the weight Sam was feeling. It still didn't feel good though. Like Kara said, she wasn't a killer. She had killed before. Being in combat zones almost guaranteed that outcome, but Sam didn't enjoy it even if she had to for her own safety. With Henshaw it was different. Sam _wanted_ him dead because she hated him. There was no necessity to it. That desire made her feel like less of who she was.

Lucy smoothed her hair back, folding some of it behind her hair. "Will you look at me?"

Sam took a deep breath. Her eyes slipped closed for a moment. Then, she turned and met Lucy's waiting gaze. It was hard to see what Lucy was feeling. It was too cloudy with what Sam thought she should be feeling after Sam admitted her actions.

"Did you kill him?"

"No."

"Then, it doesn't matter that you wanted to. In the end, you made the right decision."

"Like with what Lilian almost made me do?"

Lucy nodded. "Babe, you're human. We are a flawed species and we want to make terrible decisions for terrible reasons all the time. Sometimes we want to make terrible decisions for good reasons. Hank Henshaw helped Lilian do all those things to you. I want him dead too, but what matters is that you let the DEO bring him in to face justice, not retribution."

"You really don't blame me, or…or like hate me for it?"

"I don't," Lucy said. Then, "but what I think doesn't really matter. You need to forgive yourself for it. You did nothing wrong, Sam. Lesser people wouldn't have made the decision you did."

Sam nodded but didn't respond. Her mind was heavy again. There was too much in there and she needed to process through some of it. Lucy got up, leaning down to kiss the top of her head.

"I'm happy your home."

"Me too."

"I'm gonna go…order dinner or something. I'll be right there if you need anything though. Okay?"

"Yea. Thanks, Luce."

Then Lucy was gone. Sam was left with her thoughts and warm water. She sank down further, letting the water graze against her chin. Her mind wandered down the path Lucy set it on. She had to come to terms with herself, with what she almost let herself do. That was going to make for a long night.


	136. Chapter 136

**A/N: Hi! I'd like to take this time to apologize! I did not mean to stay away for so long. I was like a zombie at the end of the year, and then had to spend the first weeks of summer were spent becoming a person again. I also lost my spark and the ideas I had for Sam post-Henshaw fight didn't seem good enough. Take this long chapter as an apology gift! I did edit it a little bit so there shouldn't be too many mistakes. Thanks for sticking with the story. Enjoy!**

Sam stood in her apartment sending her best glare at her sisters. It was missing any heat though. Sam was too tired to put the energy into it. Which probably meant her sisters were right. That didn't help Sam come to terms with what they wanted.

"I don't need it," Sam said.

"Yes, you do," Alex replied. Her tone was firm but soft. Deep concern, the kind Sam got special from the rest of their team because they were sisters, hung tight to the words.

"It's just two days, Sam," Kara tried next, "You'll be all healed up by then and you won't have to worry about anything. You can just really dive back in to normal DEO life, ya know?"

The prospect of letting her body heal sounded wonderful. Sam _hurt_. Her back was in knots, the burn in her shoulder pulled and stung, her nose throbbed giving her a headache. And, she wasn't stupid. She'd looked in a mirror that morning. This argument was a losing battle. Her bruises had darkened overnight making her skin seem paler than usual which didn't help any of the red scrapes scattered across her skin. Mentally though, Sam just really didn't want to take any more time off. She'd go crazy being stuck at home with her thoughts and no distractions.

Instead of fighting it, because her energy was rapidly leaving her, Sam gave her sisters a defeated nod. Alex deflated in relief and Kara beamed. She gathered Sam in a gentle hug and said, "I'm glad you're gonna take it easy. You deserve some time to heal."

Sam was surprised by the affection from Kara. She'd been warming back up to Sam, but this felt like it was back to normal. It seemed that trauma sped reconciliation up quite a bit.

Alex hugged her next. They'd been more clingy than normal since they got there that morning. Lucy had given Sam a surprised and confused look over their shoulders as she left for work. Sam figured it had something to do with the identity of the DEO's most recent inmate. Or the colossal beating Sam took in apprehending him.

As Alex took a step back from Sam, she checked her watch. "I need to get to headquarters," She looked to Kara and asked, "Can you stay with her a bit?"

"I can stay by myself," Sam said. Not that she really wanted to be by herself. It was more the principal of the thing. "And I'm right here."

"Sorry," Alex smiled at her in apology, "You don't need a babysitter, that's not what I'm saying. It just might be good to have someone around."

"Yea, whatever," Sam said. She gingerly sat down on the couch then laid back. It was getting old and tiring fighting her sister on these things. "It might be."

"Can you?" Alex asked Kara again.

"Of course. I'll just zip over to CatCo for my laptop, then I can work from here. Be around as long as Sam wants."

"Okay. You do that. I'll leave when you're back."

Sam chuckled, her eyes closed. She wondered if Alex would ever be any less protective. Like when they're 90 was Alex still going to be all over Sam and Kara, making sure they take all their pills and have a sweater on. Chances were good she would be. She felt the slight breeze that meant Kara really was zipping over to CatCo. It was quiet for a moment. No doubt Alex was trying to respect the fact that Sam's eyes were closed.

"You can sit down," Sam said, guessing her sister was still standing in the middle of the room. She opened her eyes to find she was right. "Everything alright?"

"I don't know," Alex said as she moved to sit in a chair. "I mean…we got Henshaw. I thought this would feel better."

"Preaching to the choir, Al," Sam joked. As much as she was talking about the physical pain she was in, a little bit of what Alex meant was in there too.

"How do you feel about it?"

"I feel like we got him, and we just gotta make him talk. Then, we can cut off the head."

Alex hummed with a head nod but didn't say anything. Sam thought that was weird. She thought Alex would be a little over zealous about their newest guest in DEO detention. Her answer was further postponed by Kara flying back in.

"Sorry! I had to stop at home too, but I'm here now! You're good to go."

"You took like seven minutes. That's hardly a reason to be sorry," Sam teased as Alex got up to leave. She grabbed her keys off the coffee table.

"Love you both," She said.

"You too!" Kara back.

"Ditto," Sam forced herself to say. All this affection was still weirding her out.

Kara pivoted back around with a smile, a little softer than the one she'd been throwing around all day. "Do you need anything?"

"Nah. I'm feeling a nap."

"Let me know though, okay? I'm just gonna set up shop at your island. Is that okay?"

"Whatever you need is fine, Kara. Make yourself at home."

Sam let her eyes slide shut. A couple deep breaths helped her body dull its various aches and pains. Her focus on Kara's typing and scribbling penmanship lulled her further into blissful nothing. She was in that in between of a nap, not quite awake but not asleep either. Like an out of body experience without any of the revelations or sensations. Just nothing.

There was no way to know how long that lasted. Sam was only aware that she fell into actual sleep when she woke up. It was slow, lots of blinking and little movement. Her first view was of Kara still hunched at her island. Then she blinked her way toward the windows. Soft light was coming in. A long intake of breath caught Kara's attention. She swiveled around on her stool.

"Hey there, sleepy head. Good nap?"

Sam nodded. "What time is it?"

"About 11."

"Shit," Sam said with a stretch then grimaced with a grunt. That hurt. Her blissed out nap let her forget how much moving hurt. "I didn't mean to sleep that long."

"But it felt good, didn't it?"

"Yea."

Sam didn't bother trying to get up. She was content in her lingering aftermath of the nap. Kara turned back to her work.

"I'm just finishing up a rough draft. After I send it to Snapper, we can get lunch. Are you hungry?"

"I could eat."

"Oh," Kara turned back, "You should call Lucy. She called to check in while you were asleep." She gave Sam a sheepish smile. "I was just going to hit decline, so it wouldn't wake you up, but I answered when I saw it was Lucy. I hope that's okay."

"Totally okay, but, like, just for today."

"Oh, yea. No. I wouldn't normally answer your phone unless you wanted me to. I figured she was worried. That's all."

"It's cool, Kara." Sam laughed a little as she pushed herself up. Her back was still tight, maybe worse from sleeping on the couch. She really hoped her supposed speedy healing would hurry up.

As she waited for Lucy to answer, Sam got up to walk a little bit. Maybe movement would loosen her up. Each step was stiff, but she held out hope and kept moving.

Sam thought for sure that Lucy wasn't going to answer. She was preparing her message when a flustered sounding Lucy came on the line. _"Hello?"_

"Hey. Everything okay?"

 _"Yea, sorry. I just stepped out of a briefing."_

"You didn't need to do that. I would've left a message and you could've called me back. I'm not dying, Lucy. Just a little banged up."

 _"I know, just…I don't know. I wanted to talk to you now."_

"Do you need me to let you go so you can get back in there?"

 _"No, it's fine. Josh is presenting to the rest of the team. He already ran the brief by me this morning. How are you feeling?"_

"Sore. Alex and Kara are making me take some time off."

 _"Really?"_ Lucy was trying to hide the relief in her voice. She wasn't very successful. Sam found it more amusing than annoying, like with her sisters. Lucy was trying very hard to not force her opinion onto Sam. It wouldn't last much longer, but Sam appreciated it. _"How long?"_

"Two days. Effective immediately."

 _"So, that's why Kara answered your phone. I got kind of worried when she told me you were asleep. I thought for sure Alex and J'onn would have you in for a med check today."_

"Nope. I've been banned from the DEO for the next 48 hours."

The line was quiet for a few moments. Sam didn't try to fill it. The dip and flow of conversation over the phone didn't bother her as much when it was Lucy on the other side. It didn't feel quite as awkward.

 _"How would you feel if I banned myself from the office for the next 48 hours too?"_

"Aren't you busy?"

 _"Not really. I've been consulting with a few of my co-workers on their cases, but I don't have anything open right now. I can help them from home if needed, and any potential cases can wait 48 hours. I don't really deal with anything that time sensitive anymore."_

"Okay," Sam said.

 _"You're sure? Because it's up to you. If you want some time with your sisters, or by yourself, just tell me. It's your recovery."_

"When have I ever said no to spending time with you?"

Sam turned as she heard a barely audible, breathy awe. Kara was making goo-goo eyes at Sam, apparently in response to her comment. Sam rolled her eyes and turned back around to ignore her sister.

 _"I know, but I want to be sure you know you_ can _say no if that's what you need."_

"I know."

 _"And you're sure?"_

"Positive."

 _"Okay. I'll let my team know right now, then I need to stop at home. Is Kara going to stay with you until I get there?"_

"I think that's the plan."

 _"Okay. Can I talk to her?"_

"Uh," Sam wasn't ready for that request. She stumbled with it for a second. "Sure."

She walked over to Kara and tapped her shoulder, phone extended. Kara looked at the phone then Sam, just as confused. Sam shrugged.

"She wants to talk to you."

As Kara and Lucy talked, Sam made her way back to her room. A shower sounded kind of nice. The thought of warm water on her aching body then being able to relax with Lucy seemed like perfection. The only thing that would make it better would be some lunch, like Kara suggested.

Her shower felt as good as she thought it would. Relaxing, soothing, comforting. All things Sam needed in her life. What she didn't need is the flood of thoughts that came roaring in as soon as she dropped her guard. Sam squeezed her eyes shut like maybe that would help. Henshaw and Cadmus were the last things she wanted to be thinking about. She'd avoided it all morning. More so because of the excitement of waking up slow with Lucy, her sisters showing up, then her nap. She'd been lucky.

Guilt, anger, hurt, and resentment swirled in her mind like the water around the drain. Each one contradicting the other. She was angry enough to want to kill Henshaw but she felt guilty for wanting to kill Henshaw but she had so much pent up pain from the entire experience, of what Cadmus had done to her whole life that she resented everything she let it turn her into. It was an unending cycle of blaming others then herself. All with no answers ever forming.

A knock jolted Sam out of it. She took a short breath before giving, what she hoped wasn't, a shaky answer. Kara took a moment to answer. It was obvious she heard that wobble in Sam's voice.

"I'm gonna go pick up lunch. Any requests?"

"No," Sam said. Her voice lost more of that shake. "I'm not super hungry though."

"I know you're not going to like this and no offense, but are you gonna be okay while I'm gone?"

"Yea."

"Okay. I'll be back soon."

Sam shut the water off. She stood in the shower a few moments longer, collecting herself. There was no avoiding these things. She was going to have to deal. With Henshaw. With Cadmus. With her dad. With her own choices. It all felt like it was coming to a head, and she wasn't going to be able to avoid it anymore. She'd blame her sisters and Lucy for that, Maggie too. They were the ones making her open up more. It seemed being honest with your feelings paved a road for the things you didn't want to feel too. With a long exhale, Sam pulled open the curtain and stepped out.

She wanted a good day. Injuries be damned, Sam wanted to enjoy the day as much as she could. Those feelings just had to wait until later. She'd deal with them then. That's what she told herself. It helped a little. The thoughts seemed to retreat, like she had the space she needed in her head.

Part of Sam wanted to pull on jeans, but she knew the most exciting her day was going to get was moving from the couch to her bed. Maybe if she was lucky she could sit at the island while they ate. That decision would be more her body's than anyone else's.

Kara popped back in through Sam's window as she pulled a shirt over her head. She walked out in the main part of her apartment and said, "You know, if you keep going in and out of my window, people are going to see you and think something is up with me. That's a dangerous connection to make."

"No, it isn't. I'm with Alex all the time as Supergirl and no one has figured it out yet."

"Because you're with Alex as Supergirl when Alex is specifically Agent Danvers of the DEO/FBI. It's not like people see you two together outside of that work view."

"I guess you're right. I'll start using the front door." Kara made a face at the prospect. Sam smiled as they started going through the food.

She may have told Kara she wasn't very hungry, but Kara didn't listen. She had gotten three pizzas, two orders of breadsticks, two salads, jalapeno poppers, and cinnamon bites. The sight of the food, though, made Sam hungry. Like the kind of hungry she only started feeling after they became aware of all her abilities. Kara smiled at her.

"I knew you'd be hungry," she said.

"Well, you were right. That's gotta be a good thing?"

Kara shrugged. "I'd assume so. You said you only get the increased appetite after using your abilities, right?" Sam nodded. "There you go, then. You must be healing!"

"Slow and steady, I guess."

"Hey," Kara stopped opening one of the pizza boxes and looked seriously at Sam, "It's better than if you were normal still. You wouldn't be here if you were normal still."

"I know," Sam said back, quiet. It was way better than if she was still just a normal human. And, Kara was right. If she was still a normal human, then she would not have survived her encounter with Henshaw. Slow is better than dead.

They chatted about nothing while they ate. Mostly it was about Lena or CatCo. And still it was mostly about people asking after Sam. James asked every time he and Kara ran into each other at work. Lena texted often to ask about Sam, among other things. It was nice to hear about the people who worried about Sam. A little uncomfortable, but nice.

Sam's phone going off cut through their conversation. Sam pulled it out and made a face at the phone. She flipped it around to show Kara the caller ID.

"Right, so," Kara started with a guilty smile, "I may have told Eliza about what happened."

Sam sighed. She planned to call her mom, and she knew that someone was going to update her about their latest Cadmus information, whether that was Alex or Kara, sooner rather than later. Sam was just hoping for a little time to get herself in order before having to talk to her mom.

"Hey Mom."

 _"Hi Samantha. How are you feeling?"_

"I'm fine. Just a little banged up."

 _"Kara told me what happened, and I talked to Alex. Are you sure you're okay?"_

"Yea, I'm sure. You don't have to worry."

 _"Well, I'm going to worry, Samantha. My daughter just went at it with the horrible man that took my husband away."_

Sam winced at the words. It did sound pretty terrible. She wondered if she would always be this blasé about the things other people would gape at.

 _"Alex said they think you're healing. Is that true?"_

"Kara and I were just talking about that. We think so, but I'm not sure yet. I'm still pretty sore. I think I'll know by tomorrow."

 _"Will you call me and let me know?"_

"Yea, Mom. Sure."

 _"Okay, well…you're sure you're okay? I don't need to come down or anything, do I? Because I will if you need me to, Samantha. Just let me know."_

That offer filled Sam with an unexpected amount of affection for her mom. Neither of them were overly affectionate. Maybe when Sam was little, but as she grew up she grew distant. The offer, especially when she knew her mom knew it would most likely be declined, was more than just a nice one. It panged in Sam's chest painfully, only adding to the swirl of complicated emotions she was ignoring.

"Thank, but I should be okay. Kara's here now. Lucy's going to take today and tomorrow off with me. I'm covered, Mom, but thanks."

 _"Of course, dear. If you don't need anything then I'll let you go. I love you."_

"Love you too."

 _"Bye, dear."_

"Bye."

Sam put down the phone then picked up her slice of pizza. The call left her with an odd melancholy feeling. She missed her mom, she realized. That made Sam smile.

"What," Kara asked.

Sam shrugged, said, "I miss Mom."

"What'd she say?" Kara breezed right by Sam's comment. Sam was glad for that. She didn't really want to make a big deal out of it.

"She was just checking to make sure I'm okay. You could've told me you talked to her. I would've called her before she could call me, make sure she wasn't worrying too much."

"I didn't wanna pile anything else on. I was worried it might have stressed you out or something."

"Nah, it's okay. I'm not going to be mad at you for keeping Mom in the loop. That'd be dumb, and, I mean, who knows when I would've actually called her if you didn't. I'm not great at that."

The door opened as Lucy came in. Both Kara and Sam turned to greet her. She looked as flustered as she sounded on the phone earlier, but she had a bright smile as she returned the greetings. Lucy set her stuff in Sam's room then came back. She stopped at Sam's side with her arm going around her waist and her lips going to her temple as she looked over their spread.

"I want to make a joke about both the amount of food you two ordered as well as how little of it is left, but nothing is coming to me. And, honestly, I'm just kind of impressed and disgusted at the same time too."

"Impressed, disgusted," Kara weighed out, "Can you really have one without the other?"

"Normally, yes," Lucy answered her.

"We saved you some." Sam reached for a plate they put off to the side to ensure they didn't eat it all. Salad, two pieces of pizza, a bread stick, and some of the cinnamon bites. No jalapeno poppers because she didn't like them.

"Thanks."

"And you can have my seat," Kara offered. She got up with a hand sweeping to the seat.

"Are you sure?"

"Yea, I'm gonna head back to work. Snapper is none too impressed with the draft I sent him this morning but he's hard to read over email. I'm not sure what he doesn't like and what he does. It just all sounds a little disgruntled."

"Oh, Snapper," Lucy said as she sat. "That is one man I don't think I could ever miss."

"He's not that bad if you ignore everything about him."

Sam laughed at that. It was so true. Snapper really wasn't that bad…when he wasn't talking or looking at you. Kara gave Sam a quick squeeze after she packed her bag then was out the door. Sam turned to watch Lucy eat for a minute then decided her time would be better spent cleaning up.

It was slow going. The pizza boxes were easy except when she tried to bend down to put them behind the trash can. Lucy got up to help her then sat back down. The act of cleaning didn't add any discomfort that moving didn't already provide her. It felt good to be doing something productive. She was glad Lucy let her do it without trying to take over or help too much.

"Have you iced today," Lucy asked as Sam laid back on the couch.

"No."

"You probably should. Maybe take an ice bath?"

"That sounds like a terrible idea."

"It would help."

And it would. Ice baths did wonders for a sore body. Sam had taken enough of them after tough training sessions throughout her life to know that. The evidence of their effectiveness did not make it any easier to get in them.

Sam whined out, "I don't wanna. It'll be cold."

"If you take an ice bath, I'll give you a massage and then we'll bundle up and watch a movie. You'll feel better and be super warm."

"Why are you so good at convincing me to do things?"

"Because you love me."

"True that."

Sam struggled off the couch to the freezer. She rolled her eyes at the extra bag of ice in it. She looked back at Lucy with narrow eyes. "Been planning this for a while, huh?"

"Just since last night," She said, a little smug. Sam laughed as she went to pull the ice from the freezer. It pulled at her injuries, but she managed it.

Once in the bathroom, Sam set the bag down heavy. Lucy called out from the kitchen to ask if she needed help. Sam declined. Just like with cleaning, it was slow going but she could manage it too. The tub filled up half way then she dumped in the ice.

"You might want this," Lucy said from the door. A thermometer in hand.

"Oops." Sam took it with a smile then frowned as the water measured out to a chilly 46 degrees. She groaned, and Lucy laughed as she left Sam to it.

Sam changed into some spandex shorts. An attempt to let herself think she could shield a little bit of the cold from herself. It didn't but thinking that gave her a little courage.

Lowering herself into the water was terrible. Not only was it colder than…Sam didn't even have anything to compare it to, but it was difficult for her healing body to slowly lower herself. It was with stuttering breath and a few curses that Sam got herself fully seated in the tub. The icy water sloshed around her belly button. Each time it reached a spot that wasn't in the water, Sam gasped at the cold.

Before long, the lower half of her body numbed to the temperature. Sam kept as still as possible to avoid any water reaching places that weren't used to it. This part of the ice bath process she liked. It wasn't so bad. Sam closed her eyes, let her mind wander a bit.

It skirted the edges of her shower thoughts from that morning. Guilt. Anger. Hurt. Resentment. Sam didn't want to focus on those things, so she directed herself to that phone call with her mom. She thought about being able to spend two days with Lucy. Sam thought about Alex and Kara, how much they invested in making sure she was okay. She thought about James and Lena asking about her. Those things were much easier, more pleasant to fill her head with.

"You've been in for 20 minutes."

Lucy's voice startled Sam. She jumped, gasped from both cold water and the jarring pain that shot through her body at the abrupt movement. "Shit," she breathed out.

"I'm sorry," Lucy said with a wince from the door. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's okay," Sam said, still breathy. The cold was killer. She pushed herself out of the tub, barely feeling the cold water fall down her body. Lucy handed her a towel. "Thanks."

Sam toweled off then peeled off her wet spandex and her sports bra, damp at its bottom edges. She wrapped the towel around her tight. Pins in her legs from the cold was starting to set in. Her legs were stiff, but she knew that would wear off as some warmth came back to them. Sam hobbled into her room and laid down on her bed. Lucy had the covers folded back for her.

"You're such a baby," Lucy teased as she pulled the covers over her. Only to her waist. It was less for modesty and more for warmth. Lucy could tease all she wanted but she was still taking care of Sam and her lack of warmth.

"Yea, yea. Whatever. I believe there was promise of a massage."

Even as Sam was saying it, Lucy's hands gently rested on her back. She ran her fingers along the edge of the bruise there. Sam wondered what it looked like. Was it darker like the rest of her bruises? Had it spread as it started to heal?

"I'll be careful around this," Lucy said. She lightly prodded around the edges. "Does that hurt?"

Sam shook her head against the pillow. It was a little uncomfortable but wasn't painful. That was good. Lucy moved toward the middle of the bruise, keeping the same pressure. Sam couldn't help the whimper that escaped when Lucy pressed about an inch from her spine. Lucy apologized rapidly and kissed the spot.

"No touch zone. Got it."

Then, Lucy's hands started to work. The pressure was soft. Kneading and digging but mindful of the state Sam was in. It was more relaxing then relieving. That was all Sam needed. She started to nod off, comfortable and warming up.

Lucy worked up Sam's neck, down her shoulders and arms. She was mindful of the cuts and scrapes, of the big bruises. Her hands more skimming over those areas than applying any pressure at all. A soft kiss to the back of her neck woke her up the little bit that she had fallen asleep.

"I'm done."

Sam hummed out some noise that was supposed to mean okay. She was too content to actually form the word. Lucy laughed lightly above her. A moment or two of nothing came next then Sam felt Lucy get into bed next to her. She let her hand rest low on Sam's back.

Sam turned her head toward Lucy and, with eyes still closed, asked, "How was your day?"

"A little stressful, honestly. I didn't want to leave this morning and then, I could barely focus while I was at work. I kept thinking about how you were."

"You don't have to worry about me. I'm gonna heal, Luce."

"And, I'm gonna worry. That's just how it's going to be. Sorry for caring," She teased back.

Both of their voices were quiet. The curtains were drawn so it was dark. Sam was tired. It all made it feel later than it really was.

"Do you want to watch a movie," Lucy asked.

"No. I kinda wanna stay here. Is that okay?"

"It's perfect." Lucy scooted closer, her hand curling with the curve of Sam's hip. "How was your day?"

"I napped, spent some time with Kara and now you. I can't say I have complaints."

"I can think of one or two," Lucy said as her hand went up to trail the edges of the bruise on her back.

"Well, yea. There's that but, ya know, all things considered."

"Kara said you seemed a little shaken up today."

"Did she," Sam asked. It was rhetorical. Just to give herself a little time. "About what?"

"I don't know. She just said that you seemed a little off before she left to get lunch."

Ah, Sam thought. The shower thoughts. She was really hoping Kara was going to ignore that little incident. Sam knew she hadn't hid it well; Kara heard it in her voice.

Now was as good as a later time as any. That had been what she told herself: she'd work through all that later. Why not with Lucy? It would probably help more than Sam beating herself up in circles.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Sure," Sam said. She wasn't exactly sure that she did, but she didn't really have a good reason not to. It needed to happen. She knew it needed to happen. It would help. She was going to tell herself that over and over. It was going to help.

Lucy didn't push her to start. Sam laid there, eyes still closed, trying to decide where to start. Recent events might take precedent though.

"I'm struggling with Henshaw being at the DEO. The whole Cadmus thing in general actually."

What she admitted was pretty easy. Even the most oblivious person in the world would be able to figure out that Sam was struggling. Actually getting the words out, though, proved more difficult than she thought but they were out now.

"I almost killed Henshaw. And I know," Sam said as she watched Lucy's mouth start to open, "I didn't and that's important, but I wanted to kill him. I hate him that much. I hate Cadmus that much. A part of me doesn't want to stop, or rest, or even live until I put them all in the ground.

"I feel guilty for that. I shouldn't want to kill anyone. I've never even thought about taking another person's life. I have because I had to in order to protect myself, but I didn't think about what I was doing. I just reacted. And that's different. I'm sorry for those lives, but I don't regret it. I don't think I'd regret killing Henshaw either. Or Lilian."

"They put you through hell. They would deserve it."

"You don't believe that. I appreciate it, but you don't. You believe in justice. That's what you told me last night. Even with the guilt of what I want to do to them, I'm still so fucking angry that justice doesn't feel like it would cut it. I can't shake it. Cadmus has ruined my life. I mean, my decisions didn't help anything, but those decisions were a direct reaction to Cadmus. It has always been in response to Cadmus. I hate that they have so much influence on my entire fucking life.

"I hurt because of what they did to me. I feel…weak. Out of control. I resent myself for letting Cadmus do that to me. Not that I would change my mind about that whole…hostage thing, but I didn't have to let my entire life derail because I lost my dad. People lose loved ones all the time and they cope. I wish I did. I don't want to be angry, and I don't want to feel so guilty for being so angry. I want it all to just go away, so I can try to be at least a little normal."

The words tumbled out. It was like all Sam had to do was give them that initial nudge. She took a breath with that last wish. Normal wasn't in her cards, she's known that since they adopted a freaking alien but that didn't stop Sam from wanting some semblance of it.

"No one's normal, Sam. I know that doesn't help, but it's true. What you've been through…," Lucy trailed off. She looked hard at Sam, gauging her or judging her, then went on, "What you've been through has been hell. There's no other way to look at it. Whether that hell was self-inflected or not, you've still had a rough go of it. But, I'm glad you did, because all of that has made you who you are. I love who you are. I wish you weren't in pain. I wish I could help more than telling you I love you. But, I don't wish you were any different."

"That doesn't make any of it easier to deal with."

"I know, and I'm sorry. What are you going to do when you go back to the DEO?"

"Nothing." Sam gave an awkward shrug against the bed. "It's out of my hands now. There isn't anything I can do, and I think that's probably a good thing."

"So, you're just going to what? Ignore that he's even there?"

Sam scoffed, "I don't think I could do that."

Lucy's hand came up to rest against Sam's cheek. She looked sad, and that made Sam sad. "I really wish I could help you with this."

"Me too."

They laid in bed until Lucy got restless. Not that they went far. Well, as far as Sam was going to go for the next several hours. Just to the couch where they snuggled up and watched that movie Lucy promised. Sam didn't make it very far into it. Her body was exhausted. It seemed that increased appetite and increased fatigue were both signs of accelerated healing. Sam couldn't remember the last time she had slept so much in a day without being unconscious.

She woke up later to Lucy telling her it was time for bed. Sam barely had time to worry about being able to fall back asleep before she was out again. Lucy wasn't even back in bed with her.

The next morning, she was groggy and felt like she had no idea what year it was, let alone the day, but as Sam turned in bed she was happy to notice that she was significantly less sore than the day before. Lucy was still asleep next to her. Sam turned back over and cautiously sat up. The movement didn't hurt at all. She smiled to herself.

With the new information that she wasn't in terrible pain, Sam decided to go pick up breakfast. There was a little diner around the corner. Three blocks, nothing too far. She needed to fresh air, and the light exercise would probably do her good. So, quietly and quickly, Sam got up, got dressed, and left.

The morning wasn't anything spectacular. Mostly cloudy with the sun peaking out every now and then, some wind. It wasn't very warm either, but Sam wasn't going to complain. She was happy to be out of her apartment. She was finding that being cooped up wasn't something she enjoyed very much. As she walked, she called her mom. The conversation was short. Just Sam keeping her promise to update her.

Not many people were in the diner. The result of mid-morning in the middle of the week. On the weekends it was a different story. Sam placed her order and waited patiently. It didn't take long. She took the walk back slowly, trying to soak up as much of the fresh air as she could. Maybe she could get Lucy to agree to going for a walk later. Sam wondered if she would feel up to it. As good as she felt, she wasn't close to 100%. More like 75%, maybe. Good but not good enough. Later she'd probably be tired again. It made her even more grateful for this morning walk.

The apartment was still quiet when Sam got back. She craned her neck back to try and see the bed as she closed the door; Lucy's blanketed feet were all she could see. Quietly, Sam went to the kitchen and got down some plates. She flipped the coffee machine on before she took the food out of the containers to put on the plates. Next, she poured herself a glass of water.

It was nice to be in the quiet of the morning. No noises, no rush to get anywhere or do anything. Sam was in that in between time of morning when it was like the rest of the world wasn't real. She poured Lucy's coffee once it was done brewing. The next obstacle was how to get all this to her bed. She didn't have any kind of tray.

Fuck it, Sam thought. She grabbed Lucy's plate and her coffee. She was careful to walk steadily back to her room. The last thing she needed was to trip and send food everywhere.

"Good morning," she called out once the bed came into view. Lucy's face scrunched up as she started to wake up. "Come on, Luce. Time to get up. I promise it'll be worth your while."

"Why are you up?" She asked, then she opened her eyes. "Oh. This is nice. Did you cook?"

"Nah. I was feeling good, so I walked over to that diner."

Sam kissed the top of her head before going to get her own food. She settled in next to Lucy on the bed, on top of the covers with her legs folded like a pretzel under her. It was quiet while they ate. Sam liked it. The quiet let it feel like the world outside still wasn't real.

When they were done, Sam just stacked their plates and cups on her side table. She pulled Lucy down to lay with her when she tried to get up to start the day. If Sam was going to have a very rare day off with Lucy, she was going to take advantage of it.

She rested her head on Lucy's shoulder, her nose brushing the bottom of Lucy's jaw. Her arms stayed wound around Lucy's waist. Lucy hummed in contentment as her hands found their own resting places on Sam. It felt odd to hear and feel the noise, but Sam liked it.

"You really are feeling better, huh?"

"I told you I was."

"Think you'll be ready to go back to work tomorrow?"

"Yea. I'm actually glad Alex and Kara made me stay home. I wouldn't have been able to make it through yesterday if I was at the DEO."

"You did sleep kind of a lot."

"'Kind of'? I think I was asleep more than I was awake."

"You definitely were," Lucy said with a laugh. She squeezed Sam, "I like this. I vote you don't work weekends, so we can do this more often."

"You're just as bad as I am about working on weekends."

"We'll both have to be better about it then, because a girl could get used to this."

They talked in and out. Letting their thoughts slip out or letting the quiet lay over them. Sam couldn't remember the last time she relaxed with Lucy without something hanging over them. Before it was her return, then her superpowered condition, then finding Cadmus again. Henshaw at the DEO was somewhere in the corner of her mind, but Sam ignored it. She'd aired it out with Lucy. That made it easier to be in the moment rather than caught up in her head.

The next morning Sam was due back at the DEO. She sat at her kitchen counter as Lucy made a cup of coffee. Sam dunked her spoon into her bowl of cereal. She had more nerves about going back to the DEO than she thought she would. Which meant there was a lot.

"Eat," Lucy said as her hand rested on Sam's wrist. "It's your first day back on official duty! You're gonna need some energy."

Sam cracked a smile at Lucy's excitement. She knew it was mostly fake. Lucy was nervous for Sam to go back. They both were.

"Yea, right. Alex'll probably put me on record duty again."

"Hmm, I don't think I'd be too upset by that."

"Shut up," Sam joked. Lucy stuck her tongue out at Sam.

"Hey, so I got an email that I want to talk to you about," Lucy said. She'd gotten oddly serious. Sam put down her spoon.

"This feels weird," Sam said.

"It does, but it'll make sense. I just want you to know though that I got it this morning and I haven't made any kind of decision whatsoever. I want to be open about this, and I want us to make a decision together."

"Still feeling weird but in a bad way now."

Lucy smiled. "I know. I'm sorry. The email is from an old friend from law school. She's opening a new firm and wants me to come work with her. It'd be a little bit of a pay raise and it's still consulting so I wouldn't be forced into any cases. The only catch is that it isn't in National City."

Casey had to admit that she wasn't understanding why Lucy wanted to talk about this email. Until she said it wasn't in the city. "Where is it?"

"Santa Barbara."

"That's not…terrible."

"It's not great either."

It got awkward quiet. Sam resumed absently dunking her spoon in her rapidly soggying cereal. Her thoughts collapsed onto the possibility that Lucy would take that job and leave her. She almost jumped when Lucy reminded her that she needed to leave for work. Sam left without kissing Lucy goodbye. She didn't mean too, she was just too preoccupied with her thoughts.

She was still preoccupied when she got to the DEO. So much so that Sam almost missed Winn's really stupid, but nice, prank. Well, it was kind of a prank. Sam was walking in, thinking about Lucy still, when she stopped and tilted her head to listen. She rolled her eyes and kept walking to where the music was louder. In the computer bay were J'onn, Winn, Vasquez, Kara, Alex, Parker, and the rest of their team. 'Back in Black' by ACDC was playing. Winn was smiling too wide for anyone else to be responsible.

Sam endured a couple of awkward hugs, several handshakes, and many welcome backs. It was a nice gesture. And, damn did it feel good to be back. She felt it fill her chest and chase out all the empty feelings she had been having about her usefulness.

"Yay!" Kara shouted as she all but jumped on Sam. "I'm so happy you're back! Like officially back! This is great!"

Sam laughed and hugged her sister back before maneuvering Kara to her side when she made it clear she wasn't letting go of Sam. J'onn clasped her shoulder with a smile.

"I would have to agree. It will be great to have you back."

"Thanks, J'onn."

Her morning was spent with Winn, reacclimating herself to the procedures, day-to-day policies and tasks. It all came back to her like riding a bike.

Kara went back to CatCo. Alex worked in her lab. It was like a normal day. It was everything Sam needed. She felt good. Strong almost. It helped that she was much closer to 100% than the day before. Another day, tops, before she was all healed up.

As best she could, Sam let work distract her from her discuss with Lucy. Whatever happened, it would be best for both of them. Lucy wouldn't just leave Sam. Not unless it was important, and Sam could respect that. Hopefully.

Just as she told Lucy, Alex put Sam back on records. It was a short-term assignment as they eased her back into the field. Sam didn't mind. It gave her time to work more closely with Parker again. She'd missed her friend. All the craziness of her life lately had prevented her from seeing him.

"Sam-o!"

"No," She deadpanned at his new nickname for her. No matter how much she missed him, that nickname was not happening. He smiled, unphased by her tone.

"Noted. Sam-o is a no go. No worries. Welcome back to records! Your computer has missed you dearly."

"Can't say the feeling is mutual."

"I know you hate it," Parker said, "but really, it's not so bad."

"No, you're right. And, it's temporary. I can do temporary."

"That's the spirit!"

They settled down to work for a bit. Both absorbed in their individual tasks at hand. Sam sorted through the pile of written reports that needed to be filed. Parker did…something techy. Sam didn't really know, and she didn't really care enough to ask.

"So, what's new?"

"Nothing. Not anymore, at least. You?"

"Same, dude. Oh, no. Wait. That's not true. I got a date," Parker said with a jump of his eyebrows. Sam laughed at him.

"Good for you. Who, where, when?"

"Her name is Mia. I met her the other day at the grocery store. We're gonna get coffee tomorrow before work. It's pretty cool."

"That is cool, dude. Good for you."

"Thanks!" He beamed before focusing back on his work. "How's Lucy?"

"She's, uh, she's good. I put her through the ringer a little, ya know?" Sam tried to cover up her hesitance with the issues that they had already dealt with. Not the potentially nonexistent one that Lucy just told her that morning. Sam was potentially worrying for nothing. No reason to go singing it to the masses just yet.

"Yea, true. She stuck with you though. That's awesome."

"Are you fishing for something here?" Sam shot him a knowing look. It was just extending the distraction, and actually working. If she wasn't trying to hide from that conversation, then Sam would have thanked Parker for getting her away from it.

"What? _Me_? Nooo. Not at all. I mean, it's not like I was a driving force in getting you guys together or anything."

"I'm not going to thank you."

"And I'm _totally_ not asking you to."

Sam didn't respond. She smiled and waited. She knew what was coming next. Parker was nothing if not reliable. She just had to wait… "But you're welcome."

Sam chuckled, and it turned into a real laugh. She looked at Parker. He wasn't solely to thank for getting her head out of her ass and getting her together with Lucy, but he had been a big part of it. It probably wouldn't hurt to let him know she appreciated it.

"Yea, whatever. Thanks."

"Whhhhaa?"

Parker stopped his work and looked at Sam, a little real shock in his joking reaction. She waved him off. He let it drop, like the good friend he was. They worked steadily throughout the day. Being stuck with reports or not, Sam was grateful to be back. It felt good.


End file.
